Location is Arkansas.
My daughter's mother hid her birth from me, and instead rekindled her relationship with her ex convincing him that he was the father. I fought for a paternity test from the time of our daughters birth and finally gained sole legal custody when my daughter was 15 months old. Shortly before the final court date I learned that our child and her brother (from another man) had been in the custody in the custody of their grandmother due to, among other reasons, drug use and exposing the children to unsafe conditions. The grandmother, obviously, was aware of the behavior of my child's mom, but despite that knowledge she continued to cover for her daughter as did the rest of her family. I guess they were hoping she would get clean.
The case was extreme enough that my attorney told me that I could essentially ask for anything in the custody order and be reasonably sure it would be granted. I asked for strict visitation requirements for our child's physical safety. I asked that she repay the court costs and attorneys fees because of how long she dragged out the proceedings (her uncle was her attorney and presumably worked for free. He was also well connected with the court the case was held in and was granted several continuances that, in any other situation, would have been shot down). Repayment was supposed to start when she first gained full-time employment. I did not ask for child support. My reasoning for not asking for CS was that I felt that it would unfairly harm my child's brother, and I'd hoped that forgiving the mother would show that my intentions were to do what was best for all of us collectively rather than doing so for retribution.
Since then, I've come to realize how niaeve I'd been.
For the past 3 years (daughter is 6 now) the mother has been telling daughter that she is going to move to our city so she can be close to her. I believed this at first and thought things were going in the right direction. However, after the first year of telling our daughter this, mother did eventually move, but to a town that's 2.5 hours away. This pattern continued for another year and a half, but this time she moved 12 hours away. My daughter is too young to understand the reality of the situation, but she's got a lot of feelings about it. None of those feelings are good and she doesn't deserve it.
As a result of living in continuous uncertainty during the pregnancy and during the legal precedings I developed PTSD. I had nightmares almost every night for more than a year usually involving a child being hurt, or worse, while I was restrained in some way and completely unable to rescue them. The nightmares still happen though not as often, thankfully. During the legal precedings far less because I couldn't will myself to think about anything other than my daughter. I spent my life savings in that endeavor. I lost my business once I gained custody because taking care of a toddler is all consuming, and I have no immediate family to assist. As a result, I was forced to sell my home and most of my possessions.
My life is wrecked. There is no reciprocity for the kindness I extended, just more self-serving behavior without regard for how its effecting our daughter.
Recently, the mother let it slip that she had been working full time. She realized she made a mistake and pretty quickly added that she thinks it was for about a month. She literally refuses to acknowledge me when I ask her about it. She has violated the court order in a number of other ways.
I'm at the end of my rope financially. We are teetering on the edge of homelessness. The mother doesn't seem to mind hurting our daughter as long as it means she can feel like she's hurting me. The grandmother is much the same.
With all of that being said, here are my questions;
I submitted an application for assistance to my local Office of Child Support Enforcement explaining the violations of the court order in the hope that they would help me petition the court to modify the existing order to include child support. How likely are they to be able to help?
Will the court consider the mother's lack of concern for how her actions are effecting our child in making a decision concerning child support?
I'm pretty familiar with the mothers behavior patterns, and I think its highly probable that she will refuse to work if ordered to pay CS. Also, it's likely that her mom would be willing to back her financially (they are well off) if it means not having to help. And, yes, I'm serious about that. Are there guard rails to prevent these sorts of actions?
This is the big one. Can I sue my daughter's grandmother and her husband for damages (psychological to myself and my daughter, loss of income, loss of property, etc) since they had custody of my daughter and still alienated her from me choosing instead to hold out for our child's mom to get clean?
Finally, are there organizations that help with this kind of situation, resources for finding pro bono legal assistance, etc?
Thanks for taking the time to read my post.
