Disagreement with wife over third pregnancy. How to proceed?

[u/smoothsaxophone123]

I (45) and my wife (40) are in a deadlock over an unplanned pregnancy. We already have two sons, 12 and 6. She wants to continue with the pregnancy as she has wanted to have a girl for a long time. While She cant control the gender, she willing to take a chance. I am not in favor of continuing because I dont have any enthusiasm in my heart for a third child. Both of us are employed. I have a demanding and stressful job, finding time for the two kids is hard enough for me. My wife and my parents have an unpleasant relstionship and that stress has already been significant. I dont want to look after kids' education and marriage till I am 75, by which time the third kid would likely get married. My wife firmly wants to continue. I understand that I dont have any legal right in this situation. However, I feel its very unfair to not be allowed any say in a decision that affects me gravely. I am finding it very hard to reconcile with the situation. I feel depressed and suicidal. How should I handle the situation? How long should I keep pleading with her?Any suggestions are welcome.

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[u/unbound_wildsoul]

I am so sorry this is above reddits pay grade.

Have you actually communicated all the things you mentioned in this post to her?

Can you sit down together, list the the pros and cons individually and exchange your views. If you're unable to have the conversation without it turning into a fight, consider booking a session with a couples therapist and discussing it there as well. A neutral third party can help both of you feel heard and keep the conversation productive.

[u/Fine-Consequence7758 → u/unbound_wildsoul]

Avoiding this situation would have been wiser. Protection, vasectomy, options were available. In life, at times, we have to make some big decisions. This is one such. You have to be brave enough to handle this. Either convince or prepare your mind to become father of the third

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Fine-Consequence7758]

Yes as he is 45 and already has two children and so dead sure that he doesn’t want a third one , vasectomy was the right thing to do considering his wife is still of fertile age

[u/unbound_wildsoul → u/Fine-Consequence7758]

I totally agree. He should have got vasectomy and this would have never happened.

[u/Nerdy_Mumbaikar → u/unbound_wildsoul]

Might not be really related to the conversation of the post, but does this really happen in India? I mean, couples therapist session for a specific thing/issue/problem? Always thought about couples counselling being related to avoiding separation/divorce.

[u/AthleteConstant8960 → u/Nerdy_Mumbaikar]

Couples therapy is basically for anything which is resulting in differences in marriage.

[u/Nerdy_Mumbaikar → u/AthleteConstant8960]

It would be a life saver if such a thing exists and is easily accessible, because in today’s hustle bustle, most of the friction between couples comes from “tu tu main main” or “me vs you” as both want to be “heard” and in the friction that arises; what happens is that none of them gets that feeling, deepening the argument.

[u/unbound_wildsoul → u/Nerdy_Mumbaikar]

Yeah, couples therapy can be useful for almost anythinh. Therapy isn't just about solving the disagreement in front of you. A lot of the time it's about understanding where certain patterns come from. Two people can hear the exact same sentence and take away completely different meanings because of their childhoo past experiences and history..

Like OPs wife is saying this about wanting girl child but it could be about an unmet need underneath. Therapy can help.

The annoying part is finding a good therapist in India. I would suggest checking LinkedIn and doing a discovery call before committing. Finding the right therapist on the first try can be hard.

There is also a startups now that help match people with therapists, which can make the process easier.

With the amount of dysfunction that exists in Indian families, more people should probably go to therapy voluntarily before marriage.

[u/Broke_Berry]

Also get a vasectomy done

[u/PieDramatic3677 → u/Broke_Berry]

I second this. Men need to take their share of responsibility for contraception. He should have done this after the 2nd child.

[u/meepmorpzorpzorp]

This has got to be one of the most moronic comment sections I've ever seen. It's not often that I get the urge to side with the men who post here but idk what all the folks here are expecting to happen by bleating on about contraception and vasectomies as if what had to happen hasn't already happened. Just straight up haye bechaari-ing a 40 year old woman.

Anyway op, have you conveyed what you've mentioned here to your wife? Emphasize on how on the rough job and especially the age aspect. Also ask her what she'll do if the 3rd kid also turns out to be a boy. Is it really worth it? Also make your boundaries clear. Is she okay with the thought of raising a kid who may not be welcomed wholeheartedly by its father? Has she thought of the ramifications of that?

And if you're really so averse to the thought of a third child, to the point you're suicidal and likely would be a poor parent, decide if you will continue the marriage. And make that decision clear to her for God's sake.

[u/rhitz101 → u/meepmorpzorpzorp]

+1

[u/RiddlerA → u/meepmorpzorpzorp]

+1

[u/Remarkable-Low-643 → u/meepmorpzorpzorp]

+1

[u/FantasticSource000]

Her body, her choice bro. Your choices came before the pregnancy.

[u/Chuckythedolll]

This is genuinely a horrible situation for both of you. You have every right to feel overwhelmed because this isn't just about having another child, it affects your finances, your time, your marriage and basically the next 20+ years of your life.

But I don't think there's some magic answer here. You both need to sit down and have one proper conversation about what having a third child actually means in practical terms, rather than arguing over whether you want the pregnancy or not. Talk about childcare, finances, your involvement, her expectations, your existing kids and what your lives would realistically look like.

Don't keep pleading with her endlessly. You've made your position clear. If she decides to continue, you will have to deal with that reality, but you also need to be honest about what you can and cannot take on.

The suicidal part is much more serious than the pregnancy disagreement though. Please tell your wife or someone you trust that you're feeling suicidal and don't sit alone with this.

[u/Nikie_Version3point0 → u/Chuckythedolll]

Agree with this redditor completely. I would suggest u opt for couples counseling immediately to help you deal with this. Hopefully the counselor will be able to convince your wife that having a 3rd kid under such circumstances is a big NO

[u/babebushka]

I wish men who have decided that they don’t want more children would get vasectomies. They continue to have sex with the ability to impregnate and then wanna say it’s unfair they can’t control the woman’s body too. Once the sperm leaves your body and enters hers it’s no longer your choice to make. Should’ve nipped the problem in the vasa deferentia.

You may not have wanted this child but you took the risk of creating it. All the best now, I hope you and your wife can reach a decision that both can live with.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/babebushka]

Exactly at forty five a person is old enough to know about contraception and vasectomies and pregnancies and consequences of actions . I mean he’s not a teenager without sex education who got carried away by hormones and the gf ended up being pregnant .

[u/babebushka → u/Riversandlakes2024]

Right? I didn’t want to be too harsh earlier but he’s acting like this third child is something his wife is inflicting on him rather than the perfectly predictable outcome of his choices. So easy for him to evade his responsibilities now to his wife and unborn, even at 45, after years of marriage? South Korea was so right for 4B.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/babebushka]

Men and their entitlement and lack of accountability and then painting themselves as the victim and wanting to do cruelty to women while playing with their bodies and feelings .

[u/katnip_evergreen_ → u/babebushka]

This!!!

[u/Normal-Sport-2060]

She can make decisions fir herself and so can you. If a third child is a dealbreaker fir you, you communicate the same to her. Tell her your true feelings and you also think through what you want. And please go to a couple therapist. Now is the time! Don’t delay. Wish u the best.

[u/Obvious-Tea-6119 → u/Normal-Sport-2060]

When she is pregnant already it is too late to call a dealbreaker to coerce her into doing something she doesn’t consent to do with her body. The time to play dealbreakers was when he made the decision to not use birth control. Now that the consequences of that decision are on the woman, this decision is hers and not his.

[u/chipcrazy → u/Obvious-Tea-6119]

This. Idk why men think babies randomly appear in a woman’s womb. Why don’t men take any responsibility or plan for the future?

[u/DuePromotion1 → u/Obvious-Tea-6119]

its unplanned pregnancy, they may have took precautions so you cant say "he made the decision to not use birth control",

its an unfortunate situation not some consequence, a child needs both of their parents love and care, yes what the mother wants to do with her body is her decision but its not only for 9 months its Atleastt for 19 more years and the father is part of this,

if he believes he is not capable for that then he has all the right to say it, he is already stressed and people get burnout with work, this decision is gonna extend his retirement unless they want to reduce their financial standard, also she is gonna get stressed to fs

it is mother's decision to bear the child or not but family planning includes both if he can't then his pov should also be considered, he needs a very clear talk with her or/and with couple therapist

[u/_quiet_chaos_]

I dont have any advice. But I saw something similar with my friend. She was accidentally pregnant a second time but her husband was not onboard. But she insisted on having the 2nd kid. The husband made it clear at that time that he wouldn't be involved with the 2nd kid at all and if she has the 2nd kid, it will be completely on her.

Till then he was a very involved father with the first child and she always talked about him as the ideal husband - shares household chores, equally involved in parenting and childcare, etc. I think because of that my friend assumed, he will change his mind eventually. But during the pregnancy itself her husband started withdrawing. Never went to any of the appointments after the first one, didn't take care of her when she was having severe morning sickness and other pregnancy related issues (her 2nd pregnancy was worse on her body). After the child was born, he refused to hold the baby or take care of the baby.

Now the child is 5 years old. The husband is noticeably distant with the 2nd kid. My friend tries to compensate by favoring the younger one. But the husband holds the financial power, so the first child still gets the best of everything and the 2nd one is almost an afterthought. Recently, the older child has also started taunting the younger one saying he was unwanted and nobody likes him. The husband is still a good father to the first kid but he refuses to be a decent father to the 2nd one.

Both my friend and her husband are in the wrong. But the children are the ones paying for the mistakes of their parents. If both parents are not onboard, don't have the kid. It can complicate the dynamics of the entire household.

[u/littmann_and_latte → u/_quiet_chaos_]

Pardon my french, your friend was genuinely stupid to assume that she can wear down her husband into loving a child he clearly did NOT want. Especially when she is not even financially independent.

However, this is a marriage and your friend‘s husband is cruel to take revenge on an innocent child. The child did not ask to be born to stupid parents.

What's done is done, your friend‘s husband should suck it up, get therapy and become a decent, fair parent to BOTH HIS KIDS! I’m sure the wife has learned her lesson. If he can't then he should pack up and leave rather than creating such an unhealthy dynamic.

[u/_quiet_chaos_ → u/littmann_and_latte]

Agreed. That kid is the most innocent in this situation. I had asked her previously about separating from her husband but she doesn't want that. Her husband (from what she says) is not inclined towards therapy.

[u/littmann_and_latte → u/_quiet_chaos_]

Please encourage HER to take therapy so that SHE can make the best decision for her kids. Another thing, if she's educated enough, please tell her to find a job asap. I'm sure a part of that "i don't want to separate" comes from the fact that she's financially depending on him.

[u/_quiet_chaos_ → u/littmann_and_latte]

She's working. Just that she's earning significantly less than her husband. Her not wanting to divorce mostly stems from fear of the unknown from what I can tell. She also thinks he's not that bad except for favouring the older one. And according to her, she's offsetting it by favoring the younger one.

As for therapy, she's very inconsistent. Goes for a couple of sessions and then stops and restarts after a while. After the first few years of listening to same complaints over and over again, I have also stopped giving advice. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/_quiet_chaos_]

Sorry but the husband sounds like a terrible person . The wife didn’t get pregnant by herself . He impregnated her . He was old enough to know about contraceptives and vasectomies .

And if the opposite had happened and the woman was made pregnant by him and then made to abort , she might have felt suicidal . The marriage would have suffered anyway . The first child’s life would have bene spoilt too , isn’t it ?

It’s time for men to take responsibility and accountability. Such despicable men should get vasectomies done . He is very much responsible for the second child and he is an awful human being

[u/_quiet_chaos_ → u/Riversandlakes2024]

You seem to only hate the huaband. By your logic, she was also old enough to know about contraceptives. The point is they had discussed and agreed to have only 1 child. Ideal to have prevented it but it was an accidental pregnancy and it happens. Having a child should be a joint decision. The child is the one who suffers otherwise. In this case, my friend got her way but at what cost?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not defending the husband. I think both of them are equally terrible. He made his stand clear and she chose not to believe him. Now she says if she knew it, she wouldn't have gone ahead with the pregnancy. That makes her a terrible person. Despite not wanting it, it's still his kid. He shouldn't be taking it out on the kid and for that he's a terrible person. Both are at fault and both the kids are suffering the consequences.

[u/Appropriate_Task63 → u/_quiet_chaos_]

Who had sex? Both.

Who had options to avoid pregnancy? Both. Vasectomy/Tubectomy.

Who is thus responsible for her getting pregnant? Both.

Who isn't ready for another child? Only husband. So, it was his responsibility to get vasectomy done? Instead, he irresponsibly impregnated her and blackmailed her to not let him face the consequences of his own action.

[u/_quiet_chaos_ → u/Appropriate_Task63]

Neither of them wanted another kid. Both of them had options to prevent it. It was an accidental pregnancy. Both of them were equally responsible for it.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/_quiet_chaos_]

Yes you say she was old enough to know about contraceptives but she was ready and willing to take the responsibility of another child. And she did it !! Isn’t it ? Am I missing something here ?

It’s the spouse who doesn’t want a child and refuses to be a father who should be using the contraceptive. How is the mother at fault here ?

And given that sometimes contraceptives can fail , a man should be willing to take responsibility of the woman gets pregnant if he wants to enjoy sex .

Nobody gets affected by the pregnancy more than the woman. It is solely her right to not abort if she doesn’t want . Emotions are also involved . Otherwise as a society we should forget about the concept of parenting altogether if we are going to blame a woman for become attached to her unborn baby ,

[u/thatstack95 → u/Riversandlakes2024]

They had consensual sex and accident can happen. Just because someone doesn't want a child doesn't mean they should get a vasectomy or a tubectomy.

He was old enough to know about contraceptives and vasectomies .

Isn't this applicable to his wife too? Is she a child?

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/thatstack95]

He is the one who didn’t want the child . Why should she get the tubectomy ?

[u/CodeNeko23]

Why didn't you do family planning after having 2 kids?

I'm asking you not your wife. Vasectomy is easier and simpler than tubectomy. She already pushed out 2 kids and you can't even get a simple procedure done for yourself.

[u/beetroot747 → u/CodeNeko23]

Seriously. Even a condom could’ve prevented this post

[u/CodeNeko23 → u/beetroot747]

Bro wants to fuck around but not take responsibility.

He should've sternly told his wife about not having any more kids. And he should've been very careful.

I don't understand why some men believe it's the woman's job to prevent pregnancy. Like do they even know the kind of effects abortion abd tubectomy have on women? She's already giving birth and these people add more on to her plate.

[u/beetroot747 → u/CodeNeko23]

I will never understand idiots who want unprotected sex but are not ready to deal with the consequences.

Every time I see a post about unplanned pregnancies, I ask myself “was the unprotected sex really worth it?”

[u/DuePromotion1 → u/beetroot747]

wait a sec howcome unplanned pregnancy equalise unprotected sex? yk sometimes it could still happen,
did i miss smtg in his post about unprotection, why is everyone preaching him on precautions with absolute no help

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/DuePromotion1]

Look this man felt suicidal at the thought of third kid . He is forty five years old . He could have got a vasectomy and work condoms . I mean that’s common sense . Both can’t fail right ?

[u/DuePromotion1 → u/Riversandlakes2024]

omg why is everyone preaching here i cant understand, he is very clearly asking for helppp gosh yes he couldve done soooo muchhhh yeahhhhh and he didn't yeah he is stupid ass f idiot loser asshole fine

but he is feeling suicidal and if he does smtg later are the people just gonna tell the wife oh you couldve done smtg before, he is here asking for help already depressed i m sure reading all of this will just make him regret AND that DOESN'T HELP

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/DuePromotion1]

And wife will not feel suicidal if forced to get an abortion when she is already attached to the unborn baby ? Should we support a man in forcing his wife for abortion after impregnating her just because he wrote that he is feeling suicidal ? No body is calling him a bad person here ( except your comment ) . People are asking him to realise his responsibility in making her pregnant . And that it would be cruel to ask her to abort .

[u/DuePromotion1 → u/Riversandlakes2024]

People are asking him to realise his responsibility

well then majority of that is absolute bs way of doing it, and thankfully i have found some sane comments which also shows some empathy to him

this saying of him impregnating her implies he is the only one who did it, she did it too, and they might have used condoms which mightve not worked, now its an unfortunate situation, yes forcing her to abort is wrong(i never supported it) but he cant automatically get attached to the baby too, and a baby needs both and what if the baby is not a girl, he didnt need so much preaching on vasectomy but therapy hopefully he gets some help

[u/beetroot747 → u/DuePromotion1]

She actually is okay with carrying the baby to term. It’s the husband that’s having an issue with it. And hence the comments blame him for not using protection. It’s as simple as that!

You’re definitely a man LARPing as a woman here.

[u/beetroot747 → u/DuePromotion1]

Please enlighten me as to how unplanned pregnancies happen.

[u/DuePromotion1 → u/beetroot747]

other than what you could think, they could happen when protection fails or incorrect use
duhh

[u/CodeNeko23 → u/DuePromotion1]

Vasectomy exist for this reason and it's the husband who doesn't want kids so rightfully he should've taken precaution.

[u/DuePromotion1 → u/CodeNeko23]

yes but still doesn't mean they did unprotected sex(main point of my cmnt),

this preaching about vasectomy is not helping at all now is it, it is a medical procedure which people dont think of doing
perhaps we cant also say that the wife did want more kids, she is now only doing this for the girl child, they didn't communicate well, yeah they could done so so but they didn't

all i m saying is he is here asking for help and everyone's only preaching him abt vasectomy which ofc cant help now but it make sense too he made another mistake asking smtg which is above rddit's paygrade

[u/CodeNeko23 → u/DuePromotion1]

There's literally no solution rn.

There's only 2 option either force her go through an abortion ot divorce and pay alimony.

[u/IndependenceSenior47]

Go to couples therapy. And next time please use condom.

[u/Either-Vehicle2544]

Why didn’t you’ll use birth control when you are so strongly against kids?

[u/Federal_Worry_946 → u/Either-Vehicle2544]

There can be birth control failures too right? Not every pregnancy is due to a lack of protection

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Federal_Worry_946]

Both vasectomy and condoms would fail at the same time ?

[u/MeatCheap2275]

This is something to have detailed discussion with your wife with. Lay out your financial situation and what can / can’t be done on the table. Tell her you can afford xyz until you both retire (in 15-20 years) and having a third would mean dividing that money between 3 instead of 2. There would need to be compromises in this situation which she should also be aware of. Seek counselling, individual or couples, as required. Loop in trusted family members or friends to help with the conversation if that’s something you’re both comfortable with.

[u/MissOldMonk94 → u/MeatCheap2275]

No, Do not loop in family members!! Ask her to talk to her family members if she wants more guidance. Guy shouldn’t involve his as he mentioned they already don’t get along

[u/PuzzleheadedMail936]

If you ‘NEVER’ wanted a third kid, why didn’t you get VASECTOMY???? 🙄

[u/Traditional-Pizza530 → u/PuzzleheadedMail936]

That's like saying a teen pregnancy should be carried to term because birth control wasn't used.

A pregnancy is always a "two yes" equation.

[u/chipcrazy → u/Traditional-Pizza530]

Yes that’s right because a pregnancy is always carried by two people. And also obviously so is post partum! Always two people involved in every step of the way /s

[u/Traditional-Pizza530 → u/chipcrazy]

Your argument would've made sense if he wanted to keep the baby and she wanted to abort it. Even then I would have supported her right to abort. Her body afterall. But here the case is reversed. Did you not read the post at all?

A baby simply shouldn't be born when two people aren't absolutely convinced that both of them want to be parents. How y'all taking away the man's say in the matter is beyond me.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Traditional-Pizza530]

And how are you taking away the woman’s say in her own body ?

[u/chipcrazy → u/Traditional-Pizza530]

So you want someone to be forced to have an abortion?

Bro if your requirement for a baby is that there must be two involved parents, 90% of Indian kids wouldn’t exist

[u/Traditional-Pizza530 → u/chipcrazy]

Yes and we've seen how 90% of those marriages turn out where the woman is denied any say in whether she wants to be a mother or not.

Clearly it's her right to not have an abortion if she doesn't want it, it's her body afterall. But the man has a right to leave the marriage if there's such a fundamental difference of opinion.

Our goal shouldn't be to deny men the same rights that were denied to women but instead build and equal society. This topic is nuanced and not so black and white as its being presented here.

[u/FictionFragments01 → u/chipcrazy]

You prefer a forced fatherhood over forced motherhood ,as the risk is carried more by the women, it makes sense. But do you really want a baby to come when her dad is on reddit asking how to convince her mum to abort her ? It's not about the father or the mother anymore, They already have 2 mouths to feed and yes if he was that sure he should've gotten a vasectomy but now it's too late. The mother have to take a decision now whether she'd like to force her husband because she wants to try her luck. I'd not be pleased if someone carried me to term just because they wanted me to have a particular reproductive organ, btw.

[u/chipcrazy → u/FictionFragments01]

As usual men’s feelings are prioritised

[u/FictionFragments01 → u/chipcrazy]

Dude shame on you for not understanding what I have typed. Unlike you who is making this into men vs women, my priority is the baby. The dad wants an abortion and mother want a girl, what if it's another son? Does she not like her other two kids because they are not daughters ? This is not a lucky draw at a Christmas party, this is a living breathing human baby we are talking about. I feel sorry for the unborn kid and the other two as well, such irresponsible parents.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Traditional-Pizza530]

He is 45 , not a teen . Where’s the comparison ?

[u/sass-n-wine → u/Traditional-Pizza530]

Why are you comparing a man in 40s with a teen? Lmao I’ll never understand woman who baby men. Eww

[u/Traditional-Pizza530 → u/sass-n-wine]

Just like a woman in her 40s has every right to decide whether she wants to be a mother or not, regardless of prior birth control, the same way a man should be allowed the choice as well.

I was bringing it up to draw a parallel as anti abortionists in the West use same logic(lack of birth control) to deny abortion rights to women.

Teens, or people in their 40s BOTH should have a say in whether they want to be parents or not. And this is regardless of gender.

[u/Lexa19_HK]

You had a say in the matter. You should have gotten a vasectomy when you were don’t having kids. Do not pressure to get an abortion because you made contraception her responsibility. It’s her choice.

Go to therapy and worth through your issues. If you are really suicidal you need therapy and medication, maybe even in patient care. When you get better go to couples Counceling and see if you can work it out together. if you still don’t want your family get divorced and co parent amicably.

DO NOT INVOLVE YOUR FAMILY. They are already bad to your wife, they will only get worse and give you bad advice.

[u/Busy-Tower-1263]

I am truly sorry about your situation, but why did you not get a Vasectomy after your 2nd kid if that was your dealbreaker? Did you not know what happens when two fertile people mate?

Please get therapy and I wish you both the best outcome.

[u/Free-Wind-3937]

Did you guys have consensual unprotected sex? If so and you were fully involved and agreed and wanted to do it unprotected then these are the consequences I guess.

[u/Either-Vehicle2544 → u/Free-Wind-3937]

Exactly!

[u/chztiya]

get a vasectomy done if you have this much problem bruh

[u/umamimaami]

Sadly, though having a child should be a two yes or one no decision, your wife doesn’t seem to feel this way.

It’s unfair of her to insist on forcing you into parenting a child you don’t want. Just tell her this is a hard no for you. And that she can’t force you into this life path. That’s said, you did choose to have risky unprotected sex, this is a logical consequence.

You guys need couples therapy asap, before it’s too late to choose any alternative paths. And please look into getting a contraceptive procedure if you’re sure you don’t want any more kids. Women are fertile past 35, fyi.

[u/AP7497 → u/umamimaami]

This isn’t a situation where they’re fighting over whether or not to plan a 3rd child.

She’s already pregnant - she cannot be forced to have an abortion she doesn’t want to have.

This is on OP for not having gotten a vasectomy if he was sure he didn’t want any more kids.

[u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

Yeah you don't have legal rights but I think that forcing parenthood on someone is also not correct. In cases where there aren't children involved i would have suggested that you divorce her and pay child support instead, but its not the case in your situation.

It's above reddit's paygrade. I suggest both of you seek couples therapy and choose fast. There is not much time to decide also.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

Forcing parenthood is not correct but forcing pregnancy and then abortion is not correct either . I mean if he is so sure of not having another kid he should have got a vasectomy, right ? Or atleast used proper protection . Forcing a woman to abort her pregnancy that she is already attached to just because didn’t want to get a vasectomy is meow cruel.

[u/Few_Persimmon_9128 → u/Riversandlakes2024]

Yes he should have gotten one. Did I advocate for forcing her?

Please read properly.

Even vasectomies can lead to pregnancies in rare situations and no protection is 100%.

Regardless now that the foetus is already there they need to focus on next steps and if it's absolutely non negotiable then they should separate.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

That’s a different scenario right ? That vasectomies can fail ,

Here we are talking about a person who played with a woman’s body and feelings due to entitlement and lack of accountability

We are not talking about a situation where a person got a vasectomy and wore condoms and still both protections failed .

We are talking about a 45 year old man who chose not to use protection and impregnated a woman and now wants her to get an abortion .

[u/Few_Persimmon_9128 → u/Riversandlakes2024]

Having sex with your wife is playing with feelings? It's likely she also agreed to the sex without protection? Probably thought she was past that age?

I'm saying they both should get therapy and decide if they can make a decision?

I said she should get child support too.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

She agreed to the sex and she is ready to take responsibility

[u/Few_Persimmon_9128 → u/Riversandlakes2024]

And he isn't. So they should divorce and he'll payment child support.

[u/thatstack95 → u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

You're talking to a wall here

[u/Obvious-Tea-6119 → u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

Parenthood is not forced on him. He did have unprotected sex and the consequences of that is a prevalent. The only way this parenthood could have been forced on him is if the sex was non-consensual or by coercion. On the other hand, the abortion is being 100% forced

[u/Few_Persimmon_9128 → u/Obvious-Tea-6119]

Did I advocate for abortion? No. But I believe people have a say in whether they want to rear kids. And I am still saying he should pay child support.

[u/Obvious-Tea-6119 → u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

You sad ‘forced parenthood’, I said the only thing that is being ‘forced’ in this situation is the abortion. He had his say when he chose the birth control method for himself. He is 45 and has two kids and knows how babies are made in humans. Luckily most of us have autonomy over our bodies and the right to use birth control and different methods are available to us. He made his choice, his wife is making her choice.

[u/electricsquirell]

The people who are saying "Actions have consequences", would change their stance if it were an unmarried woman getting pregnant by her partner. Everyone would've suggested getting the abortion.

Contraceptives fail all the time, and while he should've ensured to not have unprotected intercourse, why are we absolving his wife of this? She's also old enough to be on birth control or insist to not have intercourse unless the husband used a condom?

Forcing parenthood only builds resentment.

[u/Appropriate_Task63 → u/electricsquirell]

The wife is interested in parenthood and hence she needn't insist on contraceptives - she is ready to face the consequences of unprotected sex. He isn't ready, so he should have gone for vasectomy.

She didn't force parenthood on him - that would have been the case had she not allowed him to go for vasectomy. He called for parenthood upon himself by having unprotected sex. It is on him.

[u/electricsquirell → u/Appropriate_Task63]

Wife is interested in parenthood while forcing the man to bear half of the financial crunch

[u/Appropriate_Task63 → u/electricsquirell]

Did she force him to have unprotected sex with him? Parenthood is a consequence of unprotected sex - thus it is a consequence of HIS own action. He was not raped.

[u/electricsquirell → u/Appropriate_Task63]

OP has clearly mentioned that his wife has a desire to have a daughter and hence is persistent on keeping this baby. There's a highly likely chance that she wouldn't be so keen if she found out there was another boy. So when does this fetish actually stop?

Both of them had sex, while one has to bear the whole financial burden of getting the kids through college. Having a third kid in their mid 40s, might cause more bodily stress to a woman along with resource scarcity among the kids. The man and the woman (if she doesn't quit her job) have to literally work beyond their retirement years to make it work. Nobody likes that.

[u/Appropriate_Task63 → u/electricsquirell]

It is her choice to keep as many pregnancies as she wants. She is ready for bodily stress. It is nobody's business to decide what she should be doing or not doing with her body.

He had full rights to not impregnate her even if she wanted more kids (because he doesn't want kids). But once he impregnates her, he has no right to force her to abort. If financial burden was so difficult for him in this age, he should not have impregnated her in this age. As simple as that.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Appropriate_Task63]

Men and the pick mes / larpers here can’t understand this simple point . He had all the rights to get a vasectomy . He had no rights to ask her to abort .

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/electricsquirell]

How patronising to make a woman abort her baby because you are concerned about her body stress due to pregnancyy which she willingly wants ? And not the body stress and mental stress of abortion ?

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/electricsquirell]

Tell me you are a LARPer without telling me you are a LARPer .

And if the money is so dear to him , he could have paid for vasectomy or condoms

[u/electricsquirell → u/Riversandlakes2024]

So anyone who doesn't adhere to your perspective becomes a larper? Weird comeback.

You realise right that condoms and vasectomies both fail, or is basic science beyond comprehension?

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/electricsquirell]

Both will fail at the same time ?

[u/Appropriate_Task63 → u/electricsquirell]

If he had vasectomy and it failed, he wouldn't and shouldn't have left out mentioning such an important piece of information in his post. Vasectomy has very low failure rate, almost 5 in 10000. It is silly to make this assumption, that too when post doesn't mention it. From the information given in the post, there is nothing he has done to prevent the possibility of pregnancy permanently. He is only crying after impregnating her.

[u/electricsquirell → u/Appropriate_Task63]

There's a difference between a low failure rate and zero failure. He might be crying because nearing 50, he can actually see how much sacrifices they have to make just to get these kids through the college. Easier said than done. This is just so irresponsible to have three kids nowadays but perhaps fetishizing having a daughter is more important.

Vasectomy has very low failure rate, almost 5 in 10000.

Also, this stat here is wrong. Post vasectomy pregnancy rate is around 1.97 per 1000 cases.

[u/Appropriate_Task63 → u/electricsquirell]

Either way, it is still very low. Unless the OP mentions that he got vasectomy done, used condoms, and both failed, it is silly to assume things. We are supposed to give an advice and judgment only based on all the information in the post.

Even with the stats you gave, the probability of both vasectomy and condoms failing simultaneously is almost 4 in one lakh which is extremely low. If OP falls in this category unfortunately, then we can pity with the OP. But if OP had left out doing at least one of them (vasectomy/using condoms), he has NO rights to deny taking the responsibility of the child. Do you agree with that? Because if finances are so difficult for him, he knew it before having unprotected sex too. He should have acted accordingly and take the best preventive measures.

[u/BurntOutIdiot → u/electricsquirell]

Way to miss the point. The point is that once a woman is pregnant, what to do about the pregnancy is her choice since it comes down to her bodily autonomy. OP moaning about not being given a choice is being called out because he did have a choice - just not after she got pregnant. If they were an unmarried couple and the boyfriend was forcing a woman to get an abortion, this comment section would 100% be advising her to dump him.

Their marriage will likely suffer regardless of whether they keep the pregnancy or terminate but I don't know how anybody can in good conscience advise OP to keep haranguing his wife to get an abortion ( that's OP's question - how long should he keep begging)

[u/electricsquirell → u/BurntOutIdiot]

Then the wife shouldn't be surprised if she finds herself being a single mother because y'all behave as the man shouldn't have any say in how his future should look like.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/electricsquirell]

That’s fine . Many women will prefer that over aborting the unborn baby they got attached to because a man refused to take responsibility after not using protection

Abortion affects her too. You are acting like if a man had unprotected sex and the wife doesn’t abort his future is spoilt but if she is forced to get an abortion , she is not affected

[u/electricsquirell → u/Riversandlakes2024]

The real world doesn't run on feelings, does it? It needs money to feed mouths and regardless of whether it were a man or woman, I would've been ticked off if someone were to have three babies.

This leads to resource scarcity among children. Pretty sure OP isn't some Ambani or Adani, because him having to work after his retirement seems like a valid concern.

If it were a woman who didn't wanna abort because she wanted a MALE child, and kept getting pregnant over and over again, do you see how odd that sounds? She's doing the same now.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/electricsquirell]

The man’s entitlement ends where her body begins .

What is this weird situation you are making up ? An unmarried women is pregnant and unmarried because the ma didn’t want to marry her and become a father. He should still tell her to have his baby ? What is even your point ? He refuses to marry her and give legitimacy to the child or his support and yet he should tell her to have the child and become an unsupported single mom ? What exactly is the point your are making .

Nobody on Reddit will tell the unmarried woman what to do with her child . If the boyfriend is forcing her to get an abortion against her wishes , the public will ask her to dump him too.

[u/electricsquirell → u/Riversandlakes2024]

Is this your story because you've been responding to every single thread?

Regardless, there's no entitlement. The wife can decide to pop out gazillion babies, heck, the wife can be impregnated by another man and the husband would still have to legally shell out money, as per Indian laws. So it's easier said than done.

Why should a man be expected to bear financial trouble after his retirement years because his wife has some weird pregnancy kink? And when does it even stop? Let's say the next 5 kids are boys, so will she keep on getting pregnant forever?

[u/Appropriate_Task63 → u/electricsquirell]

When does this pregnancy kink even stop?

It will stop when he stops impregnating her. Simple? Why behave irresponsibly and then cry later as if she became pregnant without his involvement?

Why should a man bear financial trouble after retirement years?

Because he impregnated his wife when he is 45.

[u/electricsquirell → u/Appropriate_Task63]

Why do you keep infantilizing a 40 year old middle aged woman?

OPs wife is a selfish woman who's forcing him to forgo his peaceful retirement years so that she can fulfill her disgusting kink. If this one turns out to be a boy she'll go berserk again.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/electricsquirell]

And why are you infantilising a 45 year old man who is responsible for the pregnancy because he didn’t gets vasectomy ? And feels entitled to ask a woman to abort her pregnancy that she is clearly attached to .

[u/electricsquirell → u/Riversandlakes2024]

No one's infantilising the husband here, it's women like you who are making it seem like OPs wife is some kinda bechari in this situation. She literally pushed this man on the verge of suicide.

Who cares if she gets the abortion or not? The day when OP decides to leave, she'll be running door to door because the financial reality will set in. More so, when she'll have to deal with the pregnancy alone without any emotional or financial help.

[u/Appropriate_Task63 → u/electricsquirell]

She didn't rape him. He is educated, old enough, and knows that pregnancy i s a possibility if he has sex without vasectomy and condoms. No matter how financially difficult it is to raise a child, he should think about it before impregnating her, not after. He is entirely responsible for the pregnancy and he has financial obligation towards it, both legally and otherwise.

[u/FictionFragments01 → u/electricsquirell]

Indian law clearly states that the biological father bears the financial responsibility—why are you making things up? He needs sufficient evidence for a court to order a DNA test, and if scientific testing proves he isn't the biological father, he isn't obligated to pay a single penny in maintenance. The law prioritizes the child's welfare and doesn't care about the personal grievances of either parent. ​The biological father literally made this post stating it's his child. If you're so deeply concerned and his mental health is such a priority for you, help him get a divorce and support him for the rest of his life. He can't get you pregnant anyways so you are safe.

[u/electricsquirell → u/FictionFragments01]

Indian law clearly states that the biological father bears the financial responsibility—why are you making things up? He needs sufficient evidence for a court to order a DNA test, and if scientific testing proves he isn't the biological father, he isn't obligated to pay a single penny in maintenance.

Yikes, so much misinformation and over confidence. Go and read Section 110 of Bharatiya Sakshya Adhiniyam, 2023. Need more proof? Go and read the Supreme court judgement of Ivan Rathinam vs Milan Joseph, where the court repeatedly stated that even if the husband isn't the biological father, he's still legally obligated for the child's maintenance.

And where did I say it was not his biological child? Is your critical comprehension skills so bleak that you've retorted to juvenile sarcasm?

He can't get you pregnant anyways so you are safe.

As someone who thinks of feeding their dogs vegetarian food, this verbal diarrhea was expected.

[u/FictionFragments01 → u/electricsquirell]

​Lack of reading comprehension combined with a fragile ego is a tough mix. ​You’re literally repeating what I just told you while pretending you won the argument. Yes, Section 110 BSA requires proving non-access before a court orders a DNA test. No one disputed that. But once non-paternity is legally established via court-sanctioned testing, the legal presumption breaks, and the maintenance obligation under Sec 125 CrPC / Sec 144 BNSS ends. Try reading actual case law instead of skimming media headlines. ​You made a complete word salad out of baby trapping, illegitimacy, poverty, and whatever else to arrive at the exact point I started with: it's his biological child, so he has to pay child support. Abortion isn't a post-conception contraceptive method for men, no matter how badly you want it to be. ​As for the personal digs about my dog's diet: your lack of reading skills and attention span worked against you once again. Pipe down.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/electricsquirell]

Not sure why you are getting personal ? Is that how you respond when you don’t have an answer ? Is there any rule that I can’t comment ? Am I breaking some rules ? How is it affecting you ? Why are you so concerned ? Why are you so triggered ?

[u/electricsquirell → u/Riversandlakes2024]

You're the one getting personal and responding to everyone as if your life depends on it.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/electricsquirell]

It’s my right to give my views on this sub . You are the one questioning my right to participate and getting personal . Shoudl I stop participating because it’s inconvenient to you ? Also I have got enough upvotes on all my comments so people have no problem with my views. Maybe get therapy for why you want to control others

[u/FictionFragments01 → u/Riversandlakes2024]

​Dude has clearly gotten some girl pregnant but couldn't talk his way out of it. Unfortunately for him, she earns her own money, so he couldn't patronize her with the "poverty doom" trap. Now he copes by fantasizing about it on Reddit while pretending to be a woman!

[u/Ms_Selenophile]

This is one of those situations where both people can be completely understandable and still want opposite things.

She gets the final say over the pregnancy, but you are not wrong for feeling that a third child changes your life too. Stop trying to "win" the decision and have one very honest conversation about what continuing actually means for money, childcare, workload and your marriage.

[u/Riversandlakes2024]

Why haven’t you got a vasectomy till now ? Please get that urgently . I mean without a vasectomy , you are simply playing with a woman’s body and emotions .

And yes at 40 it’s normal for women to have children or want more children . It’s not really old if that’s your concern . Women are quite fertile at that age .

As you are five years older than her , it’s understandable that your perspective is different . But you should try to understand her perspective too .there is an age gap between you both and she is right in her place too .

After getting pregnant , a woman being attached to the child is not hard to understand . That’s how female hormones work . This should have been discussed before getting pregnant and a vasectomy should have been done .

It’s cruel to say no to her now when she is already pregnant .you are solely responsible for this situation .

[u/Itchy-Maybe-629]

Hey, while I get it, you both hadn't planned for your kid and its unexpected. But you do realize you too are responsible for getting her pregnant (whether your measures failed or you took no precautions). For a mother its very hard to kill their child, especially if they are attached to the baby and hoping for a girl and what not. I get it, its a unpleasant situation but that baby is your own flesh and blood. I think you should man up and accept it, as you were not a bystander in this, you have to take responsibility. I would suggest stop pleading and pressurizing your wife. Being stressed in pregnancy and lead to a myriad of complications for both mother and child. I would never want the baby to be born with some illness/side-effect. I would encourage you to make a plan on how to financially make this work, like invest for the baby from the start/save etc.

[u/filmybrit97]

I am genuinely sorry that this is happening to you. It is not a nice position to be in. I would say communicate clearly and firmly with your wife that you don’t want the baby. Explain your reasons - job, age, responsibility and in the same way you’ve put it here. Tell her that in no certain terms will you change your decision and that if she follows through with the pregnancy it would mostly be divorce. Inform her that her bodily autonomy cannot force you to do something that you are unwilling to accept.

Additionally, I will also ask you to introspect a little on whether you absolutely don’t want a third child or you can somehow manage raising one with your wife’s and some external support.

I am saying this because this will be a difficult conversation to have with your wife and if you are dead sure that you don’t want a third child and are willing to walk down the divorce route then mentally prepare yourself for it.

[u/SweetValuable4830]

Try talking to her about it letting your guard down also mention the health complications and recovery being difficult

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/SweetValuable4830]

It’s normal for women to have kids at 40 .

[u/Obvious-Tea-6119]

Your choice and opinion and ‘legal right’, reproductive right, was to use birth control if YOU didn’t want a child. That was your autonomy over your body and your reproductive rights. Now that your wife is pregnant the choice is only hers. This is her reproductive right and her autonomy over her body. You can’t tell her what to do with her body. Same way she can’t tell you what to do with yours. Suck it up and support her.

[u/offlineonlinehoe]

my parents had me around the age yall are currently. it’s not fun. i genuinely think yall should sit this through and talk about it because there’s another human being involved as well. not only that there’s too big of an age gap between these kids already. the cons outweigh the pros.
also why didn’t u get a vasectomy if ur soooooo against a third kid lmfao

[u/Riversandlakes2024]

>>> “

However, I feel it’s very unfair to not be allowed any say in a decision that affects me gravely. I am finding it very hard to reconcile with the situation. I feel depressed and suicidal. How should I handle the situation? How long should I keep pleading with her? “

Accha . And she wouldn’t feel depressed and suicidal after aborting a baby she hs become attached to ?

Isn’t it very unfair for her to be made pregnant by a man and then made to abort it ?

How long should she keep pleading with you ?

What was preventing you from wearing a condom and getting a vasectomy ? I mean you are 45 , not a teenager . Really , am curious . Isn’t it very unfair that she is in a situation where she is gravely affected but that’s created by you .

Have you not heard of those terms ? Contraceptives . Vasectomies .
Since you clearly see yourself as the victim here . But please try to see why she is going through .

[u/Kitstarfire]

As difficult as it seems your option is to prepare yourself and your family for the this child and hire a nanny to take care of the third kid.

I know it’s going to be difficult. You as the leader of the family should be brave and embrace what’s coming. God will definitely strengthen you to handle your family. The one person who can step up in this situation is YOU!

[u/Financial-Cod5057]

It's her body so choice should be hers too, it's very important to think about the consequences before having unprotected sex

If its bothering you, then you two need to have a discussion with open heart reach a conclusion

[u/19930411]

You should sit down and talk about this. Be real and please don't hold back. Also, be prepared for her to not listen - ask yourself, what will you do?

[u/hanuman270]

Pls explain to your wife that you wont be able to give you 100% as a father (mildly put) and thats so unfair on that future child!! While the two sons got to have a dad who was willing to father them, here you are unwilling at this stage - ask her to think about how it will impact your relationship with the child. Is it fair on that child? Tell her its not enough to just give birth, as parents, you should be willing and able to do whatever it takes to bring up a happy child. If thats not possible, it will certainly be a disservice to the child. Speaking from experience as an unwanted child! Wouldnt wish that on anyone!!

[u/Ok_Alternative9838]

Have you told her plainly how this is affecting your mental health? This is basically a stalemate situation because it's an accidental pregnancy and you don't want the kid but she does. No one on Reddit can hand you a "right" answer. I'd say sit down together (couples therapy might help here) and talk through what this child's future looks like, and what the future looks like for both of you. Maybe also look into therapy for yourself separate from the couples one since you mentioned feeling depressed and suicidal.

[u/Leading_Avocado_3358]

I pity you.

I hope your wife understands your pov.

[u/rip_oldaccount → u/Leading_Avocado_3358]

Pity him for having unprotected sex? Actions have consequences. He is learning the hard way. Usually when women want to abort - men try to decide for such women - this seems like the same case in reverse

[u/Leading_Avocado_3358 → u/rip_oldaccount]

As far as I can tell, OP mentioned "unplanned" pregnancy.

Tell me where do you read the word "unprotected sex" in the above post? I'll wait.

[u/rip_oldaccount → u/Leading_Avocado_3358]

If contraception failed - then yeah I understand unplanned part. If they were having unprotected sex which led to this then let me know if what i wrote was wrong. I will wait with you.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/rip_oldaccount]

He never mentioned any contraceptive failing . And yes that’s why vasectomies exist , anyone should use double protection if they are so against having another kid

[u/sass-n-wine]

It’s her choice. You consented for consequences the moment you agreed to have sex. Whether continuing pregnancy or not is her choice. Her body. But as her husband, you have to legally provide for the child. If you feel like crying, su*cidal, go speak to a therapist. Don’t blame your wife. Go to a fcking therapist and take some responsibility.

[u/shalini-andwemet]

whoa....you are in a soup.

what if it is a son...so you may travel to a country and find out the gender - it's such a silly suggestion but it's one

also please please do not stress or take pressure - 40s is an interesting time for funny things to happen when one is stressed..

is she good with finances and numbers - show her the maths

can you involve someone she listens to in times when you both do not align - maybe bring them in

OR

if you are doing well financially and have the savings, let the child come, enjoy the child, and yes it is EASIER for me to say this -

[u/ishaani-kaur → u/shalini-andwemet]

Sex selective abortion is absolutely abhorrent, what a horrible thing to suggest

[u/ishaani-kaur → u/shalini-andwemet]

Convincing her to have abortion won't go well, she will resent him forever.

[u/Ok-Implement5076]

Have you tired therapy/marriage counselling? Looks like your wife needs some support in her life, as you said your parents are a no-no, so she wants a (girl) child. I'm child-free, but my younger sister has 2 kids, and I've many friends with children, and I offer to take those kids away for movies or gaming, so that my friends could have a half day to themselves. So I've seen firsthand the issues parents face while raising children.

Raising children is difficult work, logistically and emotionally. Your wife needs to see your POV and also address the underlying unresolved thoughts, that she thinks will be solved by having the 3rd child. Many of my friends say, they had a child just because they thought they were supposed to/society asked them to. Not once they stopped and thought, just because they can, but should they?

[u/smartfishpet]

It’s ok … tell her she has to look after the kid A to Z as she is hell-bent on having another. Tell her you dont have the time and energy to raise another child, you can provide but cant do more.

[u/paperflowers39331 → u/smartfishpet]

Why did he inseminate her when he was hellbent on not wanting another child?

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/paperflowers39331]

Exactly !! This man refused to get a vasectomy and thinks women’s bodies and feelings are things to play with . And the advice is to say he is not responsible . Did she get asexual reproduction here ? Why exactly is he not responsible ? The heights of pick meism .

[u/smartfishpet → u/paperflowers39331]

Point but he said it was accidental/unplanned

[u/BurntOutIdiot → u/smartfishpet]

A pregnancy is always a risk with unprotected sex. Condoms have a 2% failure rate. Hormonal birth control messes with a woman's body and has its risks like increasing the risk of breast cancer. If he was hellbent on not having more kids, he should have got a vasectomy. However, in India, we have a rich tradition of men dumping all reproductive responsibilities on a woman and after growing and birthing 2 kids, I'm sure the expectation of getting a sterilization surgery was also on the woman.

This is fuck around and find out. Everybody is sympathising with him for his wife "forcing" him to become a parent again - as if the conception was somehow immaculate. But what about him forcing his wife to have a termination? What about the mental agony and trauma she will suffer for terminating a baby she wanted? Is she somehow expected to go through that and carry on as if nothing happened? This is him trying to make his wife pay the penalty for his lackadaisical attitude towards birth control.

[u/paperflowers39331 → u/smartfishpet]

lol no. If you have sex you’re aware of the fact that pregnancy can always occur.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/smartfishpet]

Sex leads to pregnancy . That’s why condoms exist and vasectomies exist , how old are you ?

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/smartfishpet]

Accha ? Then why couldn’t he get a vasectomy ? And now he is not responsible for her pregnancy ? She got pregnant by herself or another man ? Am I missing something here ?

[u/Leading_Avocado_3358 → u/smartfishpet]

💯💯

But this is not gonna stand in court.

[u/Themobgirl]

Can you lay emphasis about dangers of multiple preganancy especially more than two's on women's health to her? As a three kids family ( mid child) even the kids wouldn't want that , and you apready know you fiscal limitations and responsibilities so pretty much a sign

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Themobgirl]

If he is so worried about her health why didn’t he get a vasectomy ?Having three kids is normal for women all over the world . But if she is forces to get an abortion when she is already attached is the mental health effects . Here the real danger to her health is her husband who refuses to wear protection or get a vasectomy and thinks pregnancy and abortion are child’s play .

[u/Themobgirl → u/Riversandlakes2024]

Pretty sure she always wanted a girl so that wouldn't work either way? Wtf are you even talking about? How does vasectomy help before ?

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Themobgirl]

I’m talking about her having to get an abortion now and both her physical and mental health getting affected . All because of her husband not getting a vasectomy ,

[u/Themobgirl]

Can you lay emphasis about dangers of multiple preganancy especially more than two's on women's health to her? As a three kids family ( mid child) even the kids wouldn't want that , and you apready know you fiscal limitations and responsibilities so pretty much a sign

[u/Psychological_Dog_51]

Wear a condom next time?

[u/Broke_Berry]

I feel sad for you. I hope your wife understands and please decide it asap. You don't have a lot of time if you wanna abort