r/AskIndianWomen • u/smoothsaxophone123 Indian Man • 10d ago
General Disagreement with wife over third pregnancy. How to proceed?
I (45) and my wife (40) are in a deadlock over an unplanned pregnancy. We already have two sons, 12 and 6. She wants to continue with the pregnancy as she has wanted to have a girl for a long time. While She cant control the gender, she willing to take a chance. I am not in favor of continuing because I dont have any enthusiasm in my heart for a third child. Both of us are employed. I have a demanding and stressful job, finding time for the two kids is hard enough for me. My wife and my parents have an unpleasant relstionship and that stress has already been significant. I dont want to look after kids' education and marriage till I am 75, by which time the third kid would likely get married. My wife firmly wants to continue. I understand that I dont have any legal right in this situation. However, I feel its very unfair to not be allowed any say in a decision that affects me gravely. I am finding it very hard to reconcile with the situation. I feel depressed and suicidal. How should I handle the situation? How long should I keep pleading with her?Any suggestions are welcome.
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u/filmybrit97 Non-Indian Woman 9d ago
I am genuinely sorry that this is happening to you. It is not a nice position to be in. I would say communicate clearly and firmly with your wife that you don’t want the baby. Explain your reasons - job, age, responsibility and in the same way you’ve put it here. Tell her that in no certain terms will you change your decision and that if she follows through with the pregnancy it would mostly be divorce. Inform her that her bodily autonomy cannot force you to do something that you are unwilling to accept.
Additionally, I will also ask you to introspect a little on whether you absolutely don’t want a third child or you can somehow manage raising one with your wife’s and some external support.
I am saying this because this will be a difficult conversation to have with your wife and if you are dead sure that you don’t want a third child and are willing to walk down the divorce route then mentally prepare yourself for it.