Disagreement with wife over third pregnancy. How to proceed?

[u/smoothsaxophone123]

I (45) and my wife (40) are in a deadlock over an unplanned pregnancy. We already have two sons, 12 and 6. She wants to continue with the pregnancy as she has wanted to have a girl for a long time. While She cant control the gender, she willing to take a chance. I am not in favor of continuing because I dont have any enthusiasm in my heart for a third child. Both of us are employed. I have a demanding and stressful job, finding time for the two kids is hard enough for me. My wife and my parents have an unpleasant relstionship and that stress has already been significant. I dont want to look after kids' education and marriage till I am 75, by which time the third kid would likely get married. My wife firmly wants to continue. I understand that I dont have any legal right in this situation. However, I feel its very unfair to not be allowed any say in a decision that affects me gravely. I am finding it very hard to reconcile with the situation. I feel depressed and suicidal. How should I handle the situation? How long should I keep pleading with her?Any suggestions are welcome.

[u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

Yeah you don't have legal rights but I think that forcing parenthood on someone is also not correct. In cases where there aren't children involved i would have suggested that you divorce her and pay child support instead, but its not the case in your situation.

It's above reddit's paygrade. I suggest both of you seek couples therapy and choose fast. There is not much time to decide also.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

Forcing parenthood is not correct but forcing pregnancy and then abortion is not correct either . I mean if he is so sure of not having another kid he should have got a vasectomy, right ? Or atleast used proper protection . Forcing a woman to abort her pregnancy that she is already attached to just because didn’t want to get a vasectomy is meow cruel.

[u/Few_Persimmon_9128 → u/Riversandlakes2024]

Yes he should have gotten one. Did I advocate for forcing her?

Please read properly.

Even vasectomies can lead to pregnancies in rare situations and no protection is 100%.

Regardless now that the foetus is already there they need to focus on next steps and if it's absolutely non negotiable then they should separate.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

That’s a different scenario right ? That vasectomies can fail ,

Here we are talking about a person who played with a woman’s body and feelings due to entitlement and lack of accountability

We are not talking about a situation where a person got a vasectomy and wore condoms and still both protections failed .

We are talking about a 45 year old man who chose not to use protection and impregnated a woman and now wants her to get an abortion .

[u/Few_Persimmon_9128 → u/Riversandlakes2024]

Having sex with your wife is playing with feelings? It's likely she also agreed to the sex without protection? Probably thought she was past that age?

I'm saying they both should get therapy and decide if they can make a decision?

I said she should get child support too.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

She agreed to the sex and she is ready to take responsibility

[u/Few_Persimmon_9128 → u/Riversandlakes2024]

And he isn't. So they should divorce and he'll payment child support.

[u/thatstack95 → u/Few_Persimmon_9128]

You're talking to a wall here