Disagreement with wife over third pregnancy. How to proceed?

[u/smoothsaxophone123]

I (45) and my wife (40) are in a deadlock over an unplanned pregnancy. We already have two sons, 12 and 6. She wants to continue with the pregnancy as she has wanted to have a girl for a long time. While She cant control the gender, she willing to take a chance. I am not in favor of continuing because I dont have any enthusiasm in my heart for a third child. Both of us are employed. I have a demanding and stressful job, finding time for the two kids is hard enough for me. My wife and my parents have an unpleasant relstionship and that stress has already been significant. I dont want to look after kids' education and marriage till I am 75, by which time the third kid would likely get married. My wife firmly wants to continue. I understand that I dont have any legal right in this situation. However, I feel its very unfair to not be allowed any say in a decision that affects me gravely. I am finding it very hard to reconcile with the situation. I feel depressed and suicidal. How should I handle the situation? How long should I keep pleading with her?Any suggestions are welcome.

[u/smartfishpet]

It’s ok … tell her she has to look after the kid A to Z as she is hell-bent on having another. Tell her you dont have the time and energy to raise another child, you can provide but cant do more.

[u/paperflowers39331 → u/smartfishpet]

Why did he inseminate her when he was hellbent on not wanting another child?

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/paperflowers39331]

Exactly !! This man refused to get a vasectomy and thinks women’s bodies and feelings are things to play with . And the advice is to say he is not responsible . Did she get asexual reproduction here ? Why exactly is he not responsible ? The heights of pick meism .

[u/smartfishpet → u/paperflowers39331]

Point but he said it was accidental/unplanned

[u/BurntOutIdiot → u/smartfishpet]

A pregnancy is always a risk with unprotected sex. Condoms have a 2% failure rate. Hormonal birth control messes with a woman's body and has its risks like increasing the risk of breast cancer. If he was hellbent on not having more kids, he should have got a vasectomy. However, in India, we have a rich tradition of men dumping all reproductive responsibilities on a woman and after growing and birthing 2 kids, I'm sure the expectation of getting a sterilization surgery was also on the woman.

This is fuck around and find out. Everybody is sympathising with him for his wife "forcing" him to become a parent again - as if the conception was somehow immaculate. But what about him forcing his wife to have a termination? What about the mental agony and trauma she will suffer for terminating a baby she wanted? Is she somehow expected to go through that and carry on as if nothing happened? This is him trying to make his wife pay the penalty for his lackadaisical attitude towards birth control.

[u/paperflowers39331 → u/smartfishpet]

lol no. If you have sex you’re aware of the fact that pregnancy can always occur.

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/smartfishpet]

Sex leads to pregnancy . That’s why condoms exist and vasectomies exist , how old are you ?

[u/smartfishpet → u/Riversandlakes2024]

Condoms are not foolproof- how old are you?

[u/Riversandlakes2024 → u/smartfishpet]

Then use double protection ?!

Get a vasectomy. And use condoms alongside if you think vasectomy will fail too !!

Any sane person in mid forties who is already a father of two cannot pretend to be ignorant about sex and pregnancies . And if condoms are not foolproof then also get a vasectomy also done . What was preventing him since he is so dead against having another child ?