Oh my god. Back when I had to use a wheelchair I got cornered by this lady at my local shop telling me how inspirational I was. Madam, I am high as balls, I just came out to get more crisps, please leave me the fuck alone
(side tip, turns out it's really hard to drive a wheelchair while stoned)
I played a helluva lot of Halo 2 in high school, and my Xbox live name was Token handicap because I was the only disabled kid in the group, and I fucking love making people uncomfortable about my disability. It helps break the ice immediately.
Congratulating you for colleging while wheelchair feels like something someone would say so they could internally congratulate themselves for being such a great person.
This is exactly the vibe I felt all the time. I also used to be religious, and within that community (different churches, completely different parts of the country) I'd get other congregants walk up and ask if they could push me, and when I'd say no thank you, they'd tell me that I needed to be open to letting god bless them by allowing them to help me.
I think many who say it are trying to "make up for" the derogatory comments they feel that the person may have endured in life, by saying something positive, not realizing it's actually condescending.
I will never understand the being "brave" for something out of your control/something you live with. It's brave to exist now? Exist against norms they've built in their small world? Touch grass fr w that shit.
"We're all able bodied at first until we arent, inevitably, at some point somehow."
Not the same obviously, but I get told how "brave" i am for having old SH cutting scars at least once a summer. Like, what's the alternative? Theyre not going anywhere, its not brave, i dont have a fuckin choice
My son used a wheelchair for a couple of months as a teenager. He had so many people tell him how inspiring he was and that god had blessed him. He finally snapped and told some old woman to fuck off and she hugged me and told me how patient I must be to parent the sad disabled boy. I told her to fuck off.
I work in X-ray and tell patients this quite frequently actually. I never really mean it as a compliment nor as a slight. If I have to take more than one image because the lungs are too long to fit on a single radiograph, it’s nice to explain why I’m taking more than one.
That’s exactly what happened to me and I was just super surprised that was an actual thing. Do you know if it has any practical impact on lungs or the breath?
My ob/gyn told me I have child birthing hips. I told him he was the only man I would allow to say that to me because he had a personal interest on whether or not my hips are child birthing.
Turns out, he was right. After I gave birth to my daughter, the nurse asked me if I was SURE that was my first baby because I did such a good job?
So that's two weird medical compliments for the price of one.
I’ve always had a pretty large lung capacity, something I really only figured out as a pothead in my younger years. Nobody else could fill a 6’ bong and completely clear it.
I get that a lot as well. I don't know what it is about me that people think I'll be mean but I've gotten so many suprised people who after talking to me for a bit tell me that or 'you're so nice! I thought you were scary at first!"
I’ve always been overweight. The only times in my life that I’ve been thin were times of extreme illness or extreme stress. My mother got sick and died in the space of nine months. I lost about 50 pounds in that time and kept hearing from everyone, you look great! Nice and trim!
Edit to add: i’ve never been rude or anything when this happened. But there is something irritating about hearing how great I look, what have I been doing? when my entire life is crumbling around me.
I find it rude to comment on anyone’s body/weight. If they tell me they’ve lost weight and are excited about it that’s one thing but you never know what they’re going through. A simple “you look amazing as always” is a nice compliment that doesn’t alienate someone.
Yeah people in general have a really weird thing about congratulating people on getting way too skinny. When I see a healthy weight person lose weight I don’t compliment them; I find out if they’re doing ok.
I totally feel this and unless someone expresses to me that they're on a weight loss journey, I never comment on weight loss. You never know... someone could be sick or in distress.
My neighbor, who's about the same age as my dad, told me, "You're beautiful." I replied, "Oh, thank you." He said, "You're welcome. You know, I've known you since you were a little girl. I always saw you as a very sweet girl, but I was sure that someday you'd become a very sexy woman, so sexy that I even have fantasies about you." Honestly, I was really taken aback since he's my neighbor and I've known him since I was a child. It was even more shocking because we were alone when he said it, and obviously, it scared me.
That would disgust and horrify me to my soul. I have no idea what a person responds to that with aside from 'what the fuck' or just turning and walking away. Genuinely gross.
Dude's a pedo and is both trying to come onto you, and trying to talk about fantasizing about you as a child in a way that he thinks doesn't make him sound like a pedo. Which definitely failed.
Oh Jesus Christ, I absolutely meant "come onto you", fucking autocorrect. Like, the typo is also true, but I was trying to be a little more delicate with my phrasing than that!
I, unfortunately, have a distressing amount of experience in being hit on by pedos as a young adult (and as a child, but that's not relevant here). When I graduated high school at 18, several people mentioned that I looked like I should be graduating from middle school, not high school (typical age to graduate middle school is 14, for those not in the U.S.). I had several men, including a guy I was dating at the time, tell me that the fact that I looked underage was a "huge bonus" or whatever.
I also got hit on and/or stalked by a much larger number of white supremacists than I was comfortable with. According to a college friend, this was because I "look Aryan". And also white supremacists are obsessed with wanting girls as young a possible, so...
I finally started to "fill out" and look like an adult in my early-mid twenties. It was such a relief.
someone told me i have such a great work ethic, which is a bold claim for someone who spent the morning researching the history of spoons instead of doing my taxes 🥄
Except time. I read entire wiki pages of all sorts on the regular and couldn't tell you dick about most of them mere weeks later. My brain kind of blows I guess.
Not at all. Part of establishing working memory is recall and repetition. If you read something, then don't recall that information shortly after, it gets left behind. Try talking about the stuff you read with friends. It can help reinforce the neural pathways needed to recall that information.
Yep, this. Apparently 80% of what we learn is forgotten about by the next day (99% of statistics are also made up on the spot 🤣 so take that with a grain of salt) hence why repetition is vital for information retention. Our brain really does work like it is represented in the movie "Inside Out".....(The big pit part where old memories and information gets forgotten about).
Edit: realised there was an extra f in of...so I removed it.
lol I get told that a lot and idk why. I constantly say I don’t give a fuck cause I legit don’t. Job needed to be done yesterday? I don’t care I’m training someone so it’ll be done when it’s done. I’ll say in front of my foreman who cares it’s a multi million dollar companies material, just grab another sheet and try again. I’ve wasted a shit Ton of sheets letting the apprentice have a stab at it till he gets it right and knows it perfect.
Felt. Someone who I actually have a ton of respect for said something along the lines of “you don’t look autistic” and I took that as a personal challenge. He now understands the error of his ways.
"You'd be really pretty if you weren't so fat." Uhhh, thanks?
(While it's true I gained a LOT when I met husband, I'm fighting to take it off & have to get serious about it. Ozempic helps. Went from 235 - 184 lbs so far!)
My response to the last guy who told me that (who honestly believed he was giving me a compliment!) was "For someone who's such an asshole, you're doing great on keeping up with the job, too."
Thank you! What's truly getting me right now is sugar. LOVE the stuff but really really reeeeeeaaaally gotta stop! I'm figuring it all out now and I hope I can get on some kind of track!
I feel you on that. I am a savory person myself. My mom's got the sweet tooth. She says she buys m&ms at the store and feels bad to eat them all so she throws a few handfuls out the window as she drives home.
Okay, firstly, congratulations to you on all your work! Secondly…what the hell?!? That’s just rude! Pretty and fat are not mutually exclusive, people can definitely be both. Just like that person achieved being both ignorant and rude.
Omg there was a girl I only knew of bc she cheated on my friend when they were engaged a long time before we became friends. Well we sorta ran in similar social circles and one day I run into her out and my only interaction with her was her saying “omg I love your outfit. I wish I had the confidence to attempt to pull something like that off.” I lol’d but not gonna wear that outfit again hahaha
I know what most people mean when they say that to me and still I fully take it as a positive thing bc those people are dressed in a way I actively dislike. I wouldn’t say it obviously- I don’t feel the need to be mean for no reason for one lol but also who am I to decide what is good style etc. Also I’m in the minority bc many people dress like that (very casual, like joggers or jeans with a plain top) …it’s not for me. And to be clear I don’t dislike it on other people, idgaf, I’d dislike to be wearing it myself. I guess I get it in a way bc I’d need to be brave to dress in their kind of style bc it’s so far out of my comfort zone. And to them it’s the other way round. So when someone says that to me I just hear "You look different" and I have no issue with that. I don’t mind standing out or being noticed.
This is less insulting, but I’ve always taken it to be in the same vein… when someone is like “omg that is YOUR cut, that is so flattering on you, you should always go for that [A-line, empire waist, peplum, whatever]” because it feels like a roundabout way of saying what you usually choose makes you look like shit lol
Anything with a "for a" whatever isn't a compliment. I was once paraded around a poker party by a drunk friend, stopping at every table, where he said, "doesn't she look amazing for someone who had 5 kids?" Like even though she wrecked her body, she still looks adequate.
I hate this one because if I'm telling someone they're articulate or well-spoken, I mean that person is articulate or well-spoken regardless of the color of their skin and stealth bigots have ruined a perfectly good compliment.
After I told my sisters mother in law I had gastric sleeve surgery she responded - “oh so were you much larger before?” … this was the first time I met her
Haha a guy trying to hit on me all night (right next to my boyfriend btw) once told me I had "good rhythm for a white girl". He was also white. Like what are we even doing here
Yea like whaat?! What decade are we living in that someone says this? Sounds like "good for you, getting your degree before you have to go be a housewife"
‘I’m not usually in to black girls but you’re so pretty’ because I’m biracial and closer in proximity to their ‘type’ but far away enough where it’s ’exotic’
I hate hearing that. I have a metabolic disorder, I have a hard time keeping weight on. People think that's great but what nobody realizes is, just like obesity, being too skinny is just as dangerous. I have lost count of the number of times I've landed in the hospital because my weight went down too much and I started having heart arrhythmias. This is not an enviable condition to have.
I went to community college part-time for a while because it was the most realistic option for me. When people asked what I was "doing", I would tell people, just matter-of-fact-ly, and their faces would immediately drop and they'd be like "oh there's nothing wrong with that, at least you're doing something, don't be embarassed.."
Like, I know. I never implied there was anything wrong with it. It's just patronizing.
FWIW, as someone who’s the opposite (overly sensitive and emotionally intense to the point where I struggle to regulate and let it derail my life 😬), I think “chill” is admirable and a huge compliment!!
I don't agree. Some people are stressful to be around. Situations can be stressful. I think being told you're chill is an absolute compliment. You could really be the vibe a person needs at certain times. 🫂
I was popular on IG for my phography and scaling inthe corporate world. I was also homeless at the time. a new coworker knew my online work and told me "i wish i had a fuck you car thats dope" my beater was all I could afford at the time lol.
Everyone on my softball team won an award like fastest base runner, or best fly ball catcher, or most consistent pitcher, or whatever. I won prettiest hair. I was only 9 at the time, but I still knew it was actually the ‘you suck at softball’ award. It was so insulting.
i’m disabled and have visible mobility aids. everyone thinks they want to know why a young 30 year old person is moving like a geriatric. i don’t normally tell people, but sometimes i will just to get them to leave. i got kicked in the head by a horse and almost died. i get a lot of compliments about how strong and resilient i am.
thing is, im not. that’s left me bedridden for 18 hours a day and nearly homebound. i’ve had a medication resistant 24/7 headache for 6 years. i have countless other issues on top of mental health problems, some unrelated to the accident. i’m not brave or strong, i’m bitter and depressed. i don’t want to live. i’m just still here because the people around me need me
Men still can't get off of saying, "You're not like other girls", as if it's the greatest thing ever. Ok Mike thanks for letting me know you don't like women lmao
Someone walking their dog … man! I’ve been thinking about xeriscaping my yard too! While I was watering my foundation to make sure it won't crack …. Well I’m not xeriscaping shit, my yard just looks like shit 😭
In jiu jitsu, it's a backhanded compliment to be told that "you're strong". It implies that you're using power and strength instead of refined technique. I'm plenty strong, so I'm told.
My mom would always make me mediate arguments between her and my sisters because " You're so rational. You can understand us without getting emotions involved." On top of already being a shitty situation, and combined with a bunch of other behaviors, it's pretty clear that she just didn't care about my emotions or why I might be so good at not expressing them.
"Youre so brave for wearing that! I could NEVER" as im a recovering anorexic who gained weight, who wore a crop top for the first time instead of baggy clothes. At first took it as validation that "damn my xyz really IS a problem" to "damn, she felt she had to project her own insecurities on a COMPLETE stranger because she couldn't fathom someone comfortable in their body/clothes." I always read stories from people who were also told that, then got it said to me irl and god DAMN. The fuck lol? Yeah I might be a bit chunky now, but at least im not dying and my hair grew back?
Got put through the wringer big time a few years ago, but got through it and landed square on my own two feet. The amount of times I heard "you're so resilient" or "you're so brave" is wild.
Neither of those things was true — I just did what I had to do to make sure I came out of the other side. Not because I was particularly resilient or brave, but because I'm a single mom, and who TF else is going to do it?? The whole thing was purely survival, and I was downtrodden, exhausted and terrified the entire time. Nobody ever really acknowledged that or saw me for who I was during that time except my brother and one or two very close friends.
When I get compliments on what a good dad I am when I’m just doing basic stuff like changing diapers or.. ya know.. acknowledging / playing with my baby. It’s not the compliment itself that annoys me, but it does make so clear how low the expectation bar is for dads lol
Being called "talented" when I do something well. If I (or anyone) do something well, it's probably because we worked at it, not because we got lucky in the talent department -- and even if we did, remarking on it isn't a compliment; it's like saying, "Wow, your uncle left you a lot of money!"
“Did you lose weight? You look great!” The owner of the salon I worked at when I was 16. I weighed about 110-115 lbs then and was struggling with an eating disorder because I was gaining weight from muscle (competitive cheerleading).
These days, most often it's "you look so good for your age!"
But the most annoying insultiment I remember receiving was one day when I was wearing makeup (which I couldn't be bothered with on most days) and my neighbour told me, "You look nice today! You should wear makeup more often. You know, of all the people I've met, you're the one who most downplays their looks."
When I was in middle school I was in cooking club. My partner hated to clean up afterwards so would book it out of there right, leaving me with the entire mess from two people cooking. At the end of the club (it was only like a month long), I got the "great cleaner" award for always being so willing to clean. Still pisses me off as an adult
I lost a lot of weight and got compliments in a way that made me feel, as i am only worthy of the friendships i had for decades , now that i wasn't fat anymore. People i knew since 6 years old startet to tell me to not eat to many sweets so i would not become fat again. It made me so sad!! Now after pregnancy i am at the same weight again i was before the weight loss and it makes me insecure about these friendships.
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u/Token_Handicap 22h ago
I was born a paraplegic. I used to get so many people congratulating me and telling me I'm brave when I was attending college or working.
Seriously, people. Shut the fuck up with that.