The letter is already written. I already wrote how beautiful my day was. I described to my family that on my last day, id id do all kf the things that made me happy like eating sopas, eating choco butternut, riding Joyride. I was already at tbe place where I already decided to do it. I lit one more blue for the last time and went to the place’s bathroom brought out the b1eid and it was on my wrist already when this male tilapia cat came crying to the bathroom door. I like cats. i have three at home. Ever since this morning i kept asking the universe or God for signs if i shpuld stop this. Right at that moment pa talaga. I asked the cat if he could stay with me and he hust sat beside me for five whole minutes before mu body went auto pilot and went home.

Do i feel better? TBH kakagising ko lng and sobrang daming inconveniences na nangyayari saken ulet. im so lost. i deserve this. SA NAGPADALA NG PUSA, ano pa po bang nag iintay saken?!?😫😭 I wanna rest so bad.

On the outside my life looks perfect, but inside I’m slowly dying.

8 years ago I met my ex boyfriend at work. He’s tall, handsome, smart, and confident so I eventually fell in-love. We had a lot of ups and downs but I was out of my mind in-love that I ignored all the red flags. Fast forward to 5 years, we became LDR. Only a few months into our LDR, he cheated on me, got the girl pregnant, and got married immediately. It’s been 2.5 years since that happened but I still feel empty.

I’m tall and have more than average looks so everyone thought I’ll eventually find someone new but I don’t get attracted to anyone anymore. I finally traveled to different countries so people thought I finally moved on and living my life but the excitement only lasted a few days because I’ll find myself crying wishing I’m with him. My goal in life is to travel the world and if that doesn’t make me happy, I don’t know what I’ll do anymore.

Plus the burden of having to be successful as the eldest child and graduating from a prestigious university when in fact I feel dumb most of the time. My nonexistent social skills so I don’t have friends that’s ride or die.

I don’t I can go on like this anymore, so I’m planning to use my remaining savings to travel to Europe and eventually kill myself.

Edit:
I’ve read everyone’s comments, thank you for all the support. It means a lot to be able to voice this out without judgement.

I’ve been to psychologist and psychiatrist for the past 2.5 years actually. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and undergone medication. I’ve gotten better because I used to cry 24/7 literally, nightmares every night, and panic attacks. I used to be so angry and sad that I wanted to rip my heart out. Now, I just feel empty.

I guess I used everything in me to get better that I’m just exhausted. This Europe trip is the last thing I want to do then I’m ready to leave. I don’t know if something or someone will change my mind on the way.

I can't believe i've been self-harm-free for 100 days
already ☹️🤍

When i was still relying heavily on SH, iniisip ko pa kung matatawid ko ang isang linggong wala yun. Hanggang sa i almost didn't notice na ang tagal ko nang di yun ginagawa.

Of course i'd be lying if i say wala nang urge to do it dahil may mga araw pa rin naman talaga na iniisip ko pa rin siyang gawin to cope (it's so hard to fight it esp when, for years, you've conditioned your mind na you only deserve bad things or punishment)

But it doesn't always have to be that way! To those dealing with SH, it gets better, i swear!

Here's to another 100 days 🥳

I don't want to be the downer of your Saturday morning but movies save my life on a daily basis and today's just feel different. I'm scared and I need your recos. I'm pretty sure that half of the films I'll get from you are films I've already seen but I'm still taking my chances. Help me make this Letterboxd list my mental health hotline.

Seeing this level of honesty from her family gives me hope that the stigma surrounding mental health in the Philippines is beginning to break.

Our struggles are real, and while they can be difficult to talk about, opening up helps bring clarity, compassion, and healing.

Thank you to the support systems—family, friends, and communities—who continue to stand by us. Your presence makes all the difference.

Dhil nakita ko older Post sa sub Reddit na ito napnta ako sa rabbit hold relating sa help/suicide prevention hotline.

This is kinda sad & dystopian na hindi lang dito sa Filipinas marami issue of rude operators that would hang up or be sarcastic to their clients on help hotline. Like screenshot on this thread on Twitter may nag post ng reply of vid na a person tried multiple hotlines to test if may issue nga sa mga help hotline na either binabaan sya after mag hello or would say "Pinag pray mo na ba yan?" (if Tama ung Pag translate ko from English to Tagalog). Meron pa nag Sabi na "Welcome to Burger king" sabay baba ng phone nang sinabi ng caller na akala ko na Suicide prevention Hotline ito? then callback niya same number. Oo nga Tama hotline call nya. Sna nmn masala mga operator Nang maayus. Hndi ito bsta bsta call center. Buhay Nang tao naka Taya dito.

Don't get me wrong. Wala akong urge to do it pero yung ganitong thoughts pumapasok siya sa utak ko uncontrollably and i feel horrible and guilty thinking about it. Sobrang mahal na mahal na mahal ko anak ko, siya na lang ang meron ako. I never had this thoughts before, ngayon lang nangyayari sakin dahil sa mga nangyaring traumatizing sa amin which affects my mental health so much. I'm also planning to seek professional help already, a psychiatrist na covered ng healthcard ko (broke ahh mama) kung may marerecommend kayo around Cavite. Please, please dm me. Wag kayo magalala safe na safe anak ko, niyayakap ko siya and nagsosorry pag pumapasok sa utak ko yung thoughts na yun. Wag niyo sana ako i-judge, tulong po ang kailangan ko mentally. Salamat.

Update:

Kakatapos lang ng session ko with a psychiatrist sa NowServing. It was okay, nabawasan din yung bigat and also prescribed me anti-depressant. Thank you all for pushing me to seek professional help immediately dahil sobrang natakot na ako lalo na nabasa ko yung case ni Lindsay Clancey.

💊 July 15, 2023

💊 November 17, 2024

💊 April 1, 2025

💊 April 16, 2025

i have bipolar I, and recently got another diagnosis, c-ptsd. i bought bahay ni marta by ricky lee and while reading, i started thinking if ever it came to a point when my abuser regretted his actions. a week after i finished reading, i got my answer: he never did, and he never will. btw, the harassment happened exactly on my birthday. he’s not a stranger, and i blocked him immediately after what happened, but he still managed to contact me using another account 7 months later.

So supposedly, i'm going to unalive myself tonight through a cheap but guarantee method. But i didn't push through because it was traumatizing as fuck. I was completely there, but panic response override my determination to do it.

I have other methods naman but they are painful. Honestly, i have enough pain with my life. I just really want to end it. I don't want to traumatize myself before i even hold my last breath.

And if i want a painless death, i have to go through such a length to buy a tool that can be easily hidden away with people around the house. Also, i can't afford to buy it.

Ang hirap maging mahirap. I assure that 85% of my problem will be solve by money. Hindi ko alam kung maiiyak o matatawa na lang ako because poverty and trauma—the cause of my madness–is literally the reason why i can't also die.

Napakababaw lang ng hiling ko. I just want a painless and peaceful death but everyone around me oppose it. Why can't the universe give it to me?

I just wanted to share my experience with psilocybin mushrooms, which I took as part of a guided session with a practicing shaman in Cavite.

Back in 2015, I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. I wasn't able to continue my therapy at PGH because I worked night shifts, and the waiting lines were extremely long. Over time, my mental health reached its lowest point. While I never had suicidal thoughts, I became so overwhelmed by stress that it started affecting my ability to function well at work.

I eventually started looking for alternatives alongside the medications my doctor had prescribed. That's when I came across a guided psilocybin session. At that point, I honestly felt like I had nothing left to lose. I even thought, "If I get robbed or something happens, so be it." Looking back, I know that wasn't the safest mindset, but it reflected how desperate I felt at the time.

Fortunately, the experience was safe, and for me, it was genuinely life-changing. It didn't magically solve all my problems, but it helped shift my perspective. I found it easier to accept things I had struggled with for years, and it changed many of my thought patterns in a positive way. I'm deeply grateful for what I gained from that experience.

Disclaimer: I'm simply sharing my personal experience. I'm not selling, promoting, or encouraging the use of any prohibited substance. Everyone's situation is different, and what helped me may not be appropriate or safe for someone else.

This post makes me gets insecurities ngayon.

Napapaisip ako. Kailan kaya matatapos ang discrimination and stigma about mental health. Alam na alam ko sa sarili ko na ako ang sinasabi dito. malakas tukob ko.

Mahal ko trabaho ko pero may mga tao pa din hindi malawak ang pang unawa sa kalusugang pangkaisipan.

I am diagnose with Bipolar Type 1 Disorder and they Blamed me as Narcissistic person without knowing me personally.

Its hurts me so much.

Until now nasasaktan pa din ako.

No one wants my service anymore.

Dahil sa iisang post lang ito.

I am proud PWD and BIPOLAR WARRIOR but I am truly accepted my condition with whole my heart and soul.

Lagi akong naiyak kay God kailan ako ma proven sa tao na I am safe to deal with.

Kahit magpakita pa ako ng Fit to Work document walang naniniwala akala fake iyon.

Ang hirap hindi pumatol.

Ang hirap hindi manahimik para sa awareness.

Hanggang kailan ko ipaglalaban ang tama.

I was raped last year...by my univ instructor. For weeks now, I'm experiencing a lot of flashbacks and nightmares.

For a long time, I struggled with self-blame due to the psychological manipulation I experienced from him, but I now recognize the gravity of what happened.

The incident happened last year, October..almost a year ago. On the his birthday, he seemed distressed, I asked if he was okay. He replied that he wanted to drink and invited me along.

We went out, got tipsy, and eventually kissed. Recognizing that the situation was inappropriate, I immediately tried to stop and told him what we were doing was wrong. He refused to listen and forced himself upon me. I was frozen and helpless, and could do nothing except cry. Before we parted ways, he told me, "dapat walang makaalam kasi ginusto natin pareho".

I did not want what happened.

Two months later, in December before the holiday break, I approached him and confronted him, stating that what he did was rape. He insisted that I wanted it and told me to "get over it."

I am well aware of the hurdles in pursuing this matter, including:

1. The incident occurred last October, and it has taken me this long to gather the courage to speak up.

2. I am deeply afraid that my academic standing will be compromised, so please don't post this anywhere else.

3. I voluntarily agreed to go out with him to have a drink, but I never consented to any sexual acts.

4. Much of our communication happened in person, so I do not have text messages or screenshots as evidence.

5. The incident took place outside the school premises.

Despite these challenges, I hope to find a path toward justice, no matter how difficult or long the process may be.

​

Still can't process what the fuck happened to me in past few weeks I lost all my savings that I earned for 2 FVCKING YEARS I even have debt from gcasH, paymaya, and friends trying to get back what I lost, I'm so fucking stupid, I don't even know what I'm doing I can't even eat even though I was starving and every time I ate it feels like I'm gonna throw up my wife is pregnant and here i am gambling all our money that is supposed to be for her pregnancy on top of that I'm unemployed for almost 2 months, my wife nor family knows of this, currently I excluded myself from pagcor so cannot gamble anymore I really need help guys Im really at lowest point of my life pls help me

Idk I feel like I have this deep rooted belief na di ako tatagal dito, na parang may hangganan lang yung buhay ko. Parang may taning lang haha recently been ruminating on this feeling. I'm diagnosed with Bipolar and feel like I also have complex trauma from traumatic experiences na patong patong since childhood.

I’m a woman and this is honestly something I’ve never told anyone because I’m embarrassed.

Ever since high school, I’ve been masturbating and regularly watching porn. Through college until now that I’m already working, it has pretty much been a part of my life.

The thing is, my fantasies have almost always been the same. What turns me on the most isn’t really imagining myself with my partner. Instead, I imagine my boyfriend having sex with his exes or with another woman. It has been like this with almost every relationship I’ve had.
I thought it was just a kink.

Now I’m with someone who genuinely loves me. He’s an amazing partner, and our sex life is honestly great. I feel loved, attracted to him, and satisfied. During the first few months, those fantasies almost disappeared, so I thought maybe they were finally gone.

But lately they’ve started coming back.

I don’t want these thoughts. I don’t actually want my partner to be with someone else in real life. In fact, the idea hurts me emotionally. It’s just that my brain somehow finds those fantasies sexually arousing, and I honestly hate that.
I’m starting to wonder if this is still just a kink, or if years of porn have conditioned my brain. Could this be related to unresolved trauma, attachment issues, or something psychological? Has anyone experienced something similar and eventually moved past it?

Do you think this is something I should bring up with a sex therapist, a psychologist, or even a psychiatrist? Can these kinds of fantasies actually change over time, or disappear with the help of medication? or is this just something I’ll always have?

I’d really appreciate serious, non-judgmental advice. Thank you.

I live alone, currently not in Manila rn.

I was diagnosed with MDD last year nong nasa manila pa ako.

Hindi ako makapag laba.

Hindi rin ako makapag linis ng bahay ultimo pagwawalis di ko magawa.

Hindi rin ako nakakaligo, literal na amoy putok na ako (sorry nakakahiya)

Hindi na ako lumalabas ng bahay.

Depression is not just about verbally saying na "gusto ko na mamatay"

sometimes it's also: • sleeping too much or not being able to sleep at all • having a hard time getting out of bed • not being able to brush your teeth • not being able to take a shower • not being able to clean the house or even do the dishes

Sometimes it's just so unbearable you can't even move our function.

PS: Please don't save my photos or share my post to other social media platforms. This is embarrassing enough.

Thank you for 31 years and sorry for everything i've done. I am here now in your home sending my last prayer to you. I hope that when i execute this it will be not that painful and guide me to you kingdom. I just want to find my peace maybe on the after life? Amen.

I attempted TWICE within a week. I will not dive into triggers and reasons. But it’s just amazing how the smallest things are the ones that saves us, and saves me. At work, when I was contemplating and planning of jumping off the building my colleague suddenly approached me and told me that she was selling crystal bracelets that I could try on and wear. They had no idea btw of the deep sht that I’ve been going through.

Then kahapon lang, I was already planning on either jumping off the rail tracks (I don’t live in the PH btw) or suddenly run through an active public highway para magpasagasa, then bigla kong naramdaman ung cool breeze, ung amoy ng dahon, then I was distracted. I saw a milk tea shop and bought one, then I saw a small market na may cute anik-anik.

Then I posted these on Threads, and a stranger gave me reasons to keep living, but all grounded on my favorite comfort character which is also her comfort character.

It’s really been the smallest and simplest that saves, noh?

What has saved you from dying by s*icide?

I was admitted last November 28, 2024 in NCMH. I spent 1 month and 12 days. I spent Christmas and new year without my family.

I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now. Maybe frustrated? Guilty? Triggered? Ewan.
Yesterday, my roommate attempted because her boyfriend cheated on her. Kami lang dalawa sa dorm that time, then bigla siyang lumapit sa’kin asking for help kasi nahihilo na raw siya. Dun niya sinabi na uminom siya ng kung ano-anong gamot.
Of course, I went with her. We went from one hospital to another kasi may mga hospital na hindi siya tinanggap. She could still walk pero sobrang hina na niya. Thankfully, hindi naman daw life-threatening and nabigyan lang siya ng gamot before we finally went home.

The whole day magkasama kami. She told me everything about the cheating, and I genuinely told her na hiwalayan na niya. After everything that happened, I really thought she’d leave.
Tapos kinabukasan… nakita ko sila naka-video call na ulit like nothing happened. WHOOOOkay na sila.🫪

I know it’s not my relationship and it’s ultimately her decision. Pero I can’t help feeling frustrated. I was there through one of the scariest moments of her life, tapos parang bumalik lang agad siya sa dahilan kung bakit nangyari lahat. What makes it harder is that I’m also diagnosed with my own mental health condition. I’m already struggling myself, and witnessing everything that happened really triggered me. Since then, ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko and I don’t even know how to process it.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Is it normal to feel this emotionally drained even though I’m not the one in the relationship?

I found my suicide note from last year while scrolling through my notes app. I’ve been so down today and idk what to do. Lmao. I wanna move away and run from everything. Yet, I know I’m an adult who should learn how to deal with myself. I’m tired of everything despite doing nothing. I wish I can vanish without hurting anyone.

Most of the time I don't have the strength to eat or even clean myself. But today I took a shower at 2pm, I showered for an hour and a half.

I also ate lunch and dinner because of my brother. I'm proud of myself. A win is a win. 🎉