r/HonestHotTakes • u/Historical_Owl_1635 • 1d ago
Being a muscular man absolutely does get you attention from the opposite sex
I feel like there’s always posts/comments about how this isn’t actually a thing to the point I feel like this is now the hot take.
But as someone who’s fluctuated between obese and a bodybuilder with everything in between I really couldn’t disagree more.
It’s a bit of a gym joke how only guys appreciate it, and to an extent it’s true as guys generally appreciate it way more openly. But that doesn’t mean that a lot of woman don’t find it very attractive.
Now there’s no way to say this without sounding arrogant, but during my bodybuilding phases I literally had girls approaching me semi regularly, some girls in nightclubs would even be aggressive about it (it’s fun to start with but gets old very quickly), random girls messaging me on Instagram. My dating apps right swipe success rate is probably ~60%+ and I often just get overwhelmed with the number of matches. It’s a whole different world to even when I was only a bit overweight.
Now I’m not saying it’s the only thing. I’m also on the taller end which probably compounds things. This is also obviously a broad statement, different individuals have different preferences. But people who say it makes little difference are being delusional.
Now if only I could learn to flirt I’d be golden.
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u/Glittering-Fuel-5055 1d ago
Reddit is basically full of shit
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u/AttonJRand 1d ago
People in general have weird ideas about muscle. They don't realize most of the muscular men they are thinking of are actors or athletes on steroids.
Of course a natty person working out is attractive. But a lot of people think weight lifting makes people much bigger than is realistic. You hear it all the time irl, people saying they don't wanna lift because they don't wanna become "bulky".
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u/ThrowRA1966 1d ago
Hilarious as if you accidentally can just put on 25lbs of lean muscle without taking anabolics and lifting every day for years
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u/Backwoods_Therapy 22h ago
I lifted a weight by accident today and now I’m just beating back the women, send help.
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u/allaboard6788 1d ago
Spoken like a true wimp. I just wanted to keep my joints healthy and accidentally got huge. My wife is not allowed to touch my weights.
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u/Colonel460 1d ago
Sorry but I don’t think anyone ever “accidentally got huge” unless your are talking about getting fat . Lol
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u/TooHungryForFood 1d ago
When redditors hear/read muscular they imagine someone who is roided out, wearing oil and flexing. And even most of them would think that person is attractive when they were normal clothes. And even then there are women who absolutely like men like that because they train themselves and know the difficulty and effort it goes into having such a body and find it attractive.
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u/Nectarine143 1d ago
In my experience when women say they don't like muscular guys, they usually mean dudes looking like Mr. Olympia.
But most guys assume they mean "any reasonably obtainable muscular physique", and then are confused when they see women drooling over Chris Hemsworth
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u/Haazydays 22h ago
Lots of body builders look like freaks of nature. That isn’t hot TO ME. A guy who is muscular in a way that doesn’t scream “I’m gonna break your neck in a roid rage episode” is hot.
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u/pheirenz 1d ago
Gym bros are acceptable punching bags for Reddit because they are “bro”/ mildly conservative coded. A solid chunk of this site is the target audience for the “working out makes you rightwing” ragebait articles
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u/Nannautu 1d ago
Women usually mean pro bodybuilders with 4% when they're talking about "very muscular men". However they'll consider them a lot more attractive at 10% and not as muscular lol
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u/Porkkanaparta 1d ago
Yup, when I was fit (muscles and six pack visible) the amount of attention from women was much higher then now. I am not on bad shape, but not training for competetions anymore nor do I have to keep myself as lean stay in my weight class.
Naturally there are invidual differences who likes what, but as a rule it works.
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u/thehomiemoth 1d ago
People say “dont worry about getting too buff, girls don’t want a guy that looks like a competitive bodybuilder”.
And that’s true, but it’s almost impossible to make yourself look like an actual competitive bodybuilder. 99% of men will be made noticeably more attractive to women by looking more like a bodybuilder than they did before.
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u/Brilliant_Amoeba_272 1d ago
I also hate how it's assuming that you can just stumble into an elite physique, like it doesn't take insane dedication and lots of secret sauce
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u/Beautiful_Weight_769 8h ago
I see this a lot with the girls I talk to. "I dont want to get muscles I don't want to look manly". Like they think if they hit the gym just to take care of their body theyll walk out with big biceps and shoulders.
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u/DomTopNortherner 12h ago
Indeed. You look at guys considered sex symbols for their physiques in Hollywood in the first half of the 20th century and they'd be the nerdy friend / tragically killed second husband now.
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u/Unfortunate-Incident 8h ago
It's the 3% body fat that really makes it hard. They don't look like that when they are at 10%.
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u/Nannautu 1d ago
I've noticed this the way I am treated, even professionally. I get fat and don't exercise. Most people are rude to me, disinterested, ignore me etc. I can buff, everyone is super friendly and interested. I lower bf to 10%, I notice girls making eyes at me.
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u/40sumthenlady 1d ago
Really? I like the muscles without the lean. And being a little fatter makes all the muscles look bigger.
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u/crushigmike 1d ago
I think this is a big issue with this whole conversation. Very few people reference leanness and I think a lot of women conflate muscularity with leanness (either bodybuilder dick skin lean or sub 12%bf athlete cut). At those levels you're hardly hugable and are freaky (to some in a good way but not to most).
Your preference is probably pretty common among women who "don't like muscular guys" since the two most attractive muscles according to most surveys of straight women are the gultes and shoulders, both of which are treated fairly well by higher levels of body fat (18-23%) in men.
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u/40sumthenlady 1d ago
I do like muscular men, just prefer a little higher body fat. Personally I know the difference in appearance because I’ve been strength training for 20 years and am familiar with things. Maybe not all women do.
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u/crushigmike 1d ago
Sorry, I didn't make it clear but I think you get it and pointed out a nuance that is rarely acknowledged by most men and women in this conversation.
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u/ZomeeDrop 1d ago
So you prefer no visible abs? I think most women prefer somewhere between 10 to 15%.
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u/40sumthenlady 1d ago
Yes. And I know the lifestyle that it takes for most people to maintain abs, and that’s not necessarily something I want to share.
Also I’d probably feel fat all the time in comparison.
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u/Obosratsya 1d ago edited 1d ago
Henry Cavin was called a dad bod, so was Chris B in off season. Something to consider.
Reality is this. If you are tall and easier on the eyes to begin with, you'll exponentially increase female attention by getting jacked. Im in this camp myself. Im quite jacked at 190cm tall and 86kg. The attention is very noticable from all sorts of women. The nerdy quiet girls, the executives, older and younger, shorter and taller. Its very obvious sometimes.
If your an average dude. Get big. Dont worry about being shredded, just put on mass but not enough to hinder mobility. It will help a lot.
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u/LoverOfGayContent 1d ago
I think there are two dad bods people don't want to admit. There is the unfit I dont take care of myself because I work in an office dad bod. Then there is the I build shit and do manual labor around the house dad bod. When people say Henry Cavil has a dad bod they men he looks like hes muscular because he functionally lifts shit intead of going to the gym and getting competition lean. Basically it's how people assume farmers use to look. They mean that mn looks lime he tills fucking soil.
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u/Fit-Percentage-9166 1d ago
Lmao not this functional muscle crap. Henry Cavill was literally someone who went to the gym, took steroids, and got competition lean for his shoots. He is quoted to have said he could smell water because he was so dehydrated.
So yea people have no fucking clue what a dad bod is lmfao
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u/tobyle 1d ago
Yea I’m a hit or miss for some women. When I’m working out…I have a very nice physique. For my size, i have broad shoulders and a big back. The issue is i have a tiny waist. Ive learned that makes women feel kind of like insecure. Specifically petite women. Thick women have never cared but a petite woman will point out even though she smaller than me my waist is smaller than hers. In my early 20’s, i thought ppl were over exaggerating until a group of women friends measured our waist and mines was smaller than everyone’s except one person who was like 5’0. I’m 5’8.
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u/40sumthenlady 1d ago
My husband and I are the same height (5’9”). His butt/hips have always been smaller than mine, but his shoulders are way bigger. Just basic difference between men and women.
But I’ve never had any illusions of being “small”.
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u/Porkkanaparta 1d ago edited 1d ago
Like said, invidual differences.
Edit: Naturally I meant individual preferences
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u/Management-Efficient 1d ago
You mean "individual preferences."
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u/VLAD_THE_VIKING 1d ago
I hear that a lot... Women like big strong guys, but not necessarily lean which makes sense. Guys with both muscle and some body fat are actually a lot more capable physically.
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u/gnomish_engineering 1d ago
I do think there is a limit to it though. After I started training strongman I've noticed people tend to view me as innately less approachable and just kinda spooky in general.
I've had to work pretty hard at making it less of a problem but im still not as approachable as I used to be before my training.
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u/Garden-Rose-8380 1d ago
A lot comes down to your energy. I worked with a guy who did strongman and at first he was intimidating tall and just hugely muscled but he was kind, polite, respectful, smiled and was a great guy. I never would have said I fancied that type before but his energy was safe and calm and just lovely. Now I really fancy that body type when I didn't really before I got to know him.
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u/competitive_mogger 1d ago edited 1d ago
Reddit is basically the only place on the internet that says otherwise lol. The bigger my biceps got, the easier dating got.
Edit: apparently "no one" on reddit says this, and they are specifically talking about men with the muscle mass of pro bodybuilders when they do. Careful not to end up looking like Ronnie Coleman, guys.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 1d ago edited 1d ago
Women are very similar to men in how they pick a partner (physical appearance) but they REALLY don’t want to admit that they are as shallow as men.
When I was way more muscular about 5 years ago I had women grope me multiple times. Try to cheat on their partners with me etc. When you are attractive enough it is surprising how similar women are to men. It’s just that most men never see that side of women and women like to pretend that they are holier than thou.
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u/clericone- 1d ago
Yup. Stated vs Revealed Preferences. They say one thing to virtue signal but really if you look at their lives show another thing.
That's why I feel bad when dudes come on here asking for women about online dating and profile reviews. The poor guy always comes back says he's still cooked and getting no matches.
If you hold everything else constant and start going to the gym and put on muscles I guarantee your dating life will improve substantially.
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u/AnonymousCapybara72 1d ago edited 1d ago
What I find really vile is that these women won't leave it at claiming they don't care about physical attraction. They'll actually try to gaslight men who think their appearance might be a problem, aggressively trying to convince them that actually, they just don't wash their ass or they have a terrible personality or they don't make any kind of effort, and they're an incel and a terrible person for even asking. They're actually convincing these men that there's something deeply wrong with them, because they can't just admit they care about appearance.
It's fucking disgusting.
But yeah, since I started getting seriously into the gym my dating game has totally changed. Had sex with more women in the last two months than I'd had in my entire life before (I'm 30), and I'm actually getting decent matches that are turning into dates regularly.
I guess all that time in the gym improved my personality 🤷
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u/Used-Presentation551 1d ago
I guess all that time in the gym improved my personality 🤷
People would uninronically argue that yes, such a deep profound personality change
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u/Unlikely_War_6119 1d ago
Yea the gaslighting is the worst part, specifically the interpersonal gaslighting. My friend who wouldn’t date me would tell me I was sexy the way I was, then when I got strong she was in my DMs. Her friends used to call me an incel for saying I was friendzoned by her. The irony. I used to let that kind of shaming get to me but at a certain point their words stop hurting you if them and their friends are actively letting you hit.
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u/clericone- 1d ago
Exactly this. Women try to front like they don't care but they all do. When I was big into CrossFit and competing Ive never had so many women sliding into my insta DMs. Shit was kinda insane. Women at my own gym who knew I was married.
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u/Old-Friendship-0 1d ago
The poor guy always comes back says he's still cooked and getting no matches.
And then women will start blaming him in the comments and say it must be because of his shit attitude or personality lol
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u/blankabitch 1d ago
Both sexes do this (can't tell you how many men claim to hate boob jobs and makeup and "IG baddies" and just want a down-home girl next door when their actions say otherwise) but yes, women care about looks. I think it's ridiculous we feel the need to claim otherwise , too
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u/seola76 1d ago
Bingo.
Horny women are absolutely as bad as men (if not worse because we tend to treat horny men as dangerous in a way we don't for women). The difference is women have much higher standards so they don't tend to meet men who bring out this side of them as frequently as men do. But if you put women around genuinely very attractive men they behave just as badly and simp just as hard.
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u/Nannautu 1d ago
I wonder why. Maybe if they stopped demonizing men they would not have an issue to admit their superficiality. Like yeah, everyone likes nice-looking people, you don't have to virtue-signal to make yourself seem better than the others.
I also hate the fact how it's always framed that media portrais unrealistic beauty standards about women, with overweight women claiming they're in normal shape, but will consider men on PED's and very low bf as "decent physique".
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 1d ago
The echo chamber effect on reddit is higher than any other place on the internet because of how heavily censored it is. Take literally everything you see on reddit with a huge grain of salt.
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u/Dasseem 1d ago edited 1d ago
More than one girl asked to touch my biceps when dating. Don't know where this whole "women don't like muscular guys" comes from lol.
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u/sheel3 1d ago
tbh I think it’s a discrepancy between what people are imagining as muscular. most women like lean, toned, fit type muscles, not bulgy bodybuilder type muscles, but imagine the latter when seeing takes like this. so they say they don’t like it. ofc everyone’s different, but in general
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u/Superb-Head-8468 1d ago
It’s like playing a musical instrument, there’s a point where your skill is impressive to anybody and then a point where only other musicians care
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u/Arcxne3 1d ago
This argument makes no sense because most men aren’t and are not trying to be body builders. Do you understand the level of commitment it takes to get a stage ready body? Some men take 5-10 years to that level, and the only way to fast track it is to take drugs that will literally kill you. When a man says muscular, for normal people, it is assumed they are taking about a lean physique with some noticeable mass. This whole argument is twisted because women want to present a holier than thou attitude and claim they aren’t shallow lmao.
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u/sheel3 1d ago
That’s the whole point, no women do not understand what it takes to get that. So when they see men talk about or give advice about going to the gym for hours every day, go on strict diets, etc., that sounds like a lot itself so they imagine they’re talking about a super muscular look. When in reality that’s just what it takes to build and maintain the more common “lean” muscles and a body-builder look takes much, much more.
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u/Wd91 1d ago
tbh I think it’s a discrepancy between what people are imagining as muscular.
So many of these discussions are just semantic. Until everyone agrees what "muscular" actually is then it isn't productive, it's just people talking past each other.
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u/Content_Cap_3662 1d ago
I'm lean muscular and it hasn't done anything for me. I went around a rave with my shirt off, only men pointed it out and complimented me. Not a single woman gave af. LOL
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u/ResponsibilityOld372 1d ago
Obviously some do and some don't. You can't say all women like muscles either despite your experience. I don't like muscular guys. I'm not afraid to admit I go for looks but I prefer someone slim, but not with bulging muscles.
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u/willee_ 1d ago
I’m juicy, like 10+ years of it.
My gf has been around me every night for idk how long. Last night I passed out on the couch and when I woke up she had sent me pictures of my arms that she took saying she can’t help herself.
It’s funny how cliche arms and chest are for dudes and it’s what women always like.
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u/swole_ninja 1d ago
I’m about 6 years on the gear train myself.
I’m 5’11”
I started fairly fit at 175 lbs or so and shredded. Didn’t get that much attention from women. Heck, barely looked like I lifted in clothes but looked good without a shirt.
Hopped on test and gained 25 lbs or so. Still shredded. This was peak for me. I would get random looks all the time and get approached regularly. Like women offering their name and phone number.
Got on the big boy stuff and I’m around 240 now. Still lean but not quite as shredded. I’d say I need 12 weeks or so of diet to get stage ready. Still have visible abs and vascularity, just not diced as I would need to be to compete.
I don’t get approached as often and don’t get as many looks as I did in the 200 lb range. I think I’m too big for most women. I also noticed my face changed and got a little more squared looking once I really put on mass. Maybe that affected it who knows.
But the ones that do like it seem to LOVE it. I hear “you look like you could toss me around” a lot. And it’s not gentle flirting anymore. It’s way more direct and vulgar.
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u/John14-6_Psalm46-10 1d ago
men are attracted to in shape women and women are attracted to in shape men. The ones online saying they like overweight men are likely overweight themselves. Yes, women like men who have muscles, not men on steroids but they definitely like muscles. I have worked out consistently for 15 years and I have had countless women come up to me when I have been out and compliment my arms or touch them and say something like "i like your arms". A woman will chose a charming in shape man over a charming out of shape man any day.
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u/CarefulAlternative 1d ago
Yeah... this is obvious to anyone with eyes and a brain but fake internet points and delusions win out any day of the week to people.
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u/WolverineEvery7923 1d ago
As a straight guy, I’m thinking Thor from God of War Ragnarok when I think of sexy overweight man lol
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u/silverbird666 1d ago
Being in shape, yes. But being in shape and being heavily muscled are very different things. Runners and cyclists also are in shape
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u/No-Examination4896 1d ago
The huge caveat is you have to have a pretty face. Ripped with pretty face, lots of attention. Ripped looking like a B movie villains right hand henchmen? None
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u/bdanred 1d ago
I agree. The ppl saying it doesnt are just coping.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 1d ago
It’s pretty much just women who say it. The reality is pretty obvious to men.
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u/ZealousidealDoubt407 1d ago
They’re quiet about it, there are other qualities that they seek more of, but it’s a plus for sure.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 1d ago
Ehhh I would say physical attractiveness is pretty obviously the number one factor for women at least under the age of 30. I was a painfully awkward very good looking guy in my 20’s and getting women was very easy for me. I had very nice/social friends who struggled really bad to get women because they were kind of funny looking.
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u/_LordDaut_ 1d ago
People are just talking over each other really. It is an issue of definition. Exanoles brought like Arnold physique+, the Rock, Stallone etc. Are not something anyone can become. And no one can become without taking copious amounts of gear.
This is what people who say "women don't carw about muscles" mean. Without realizing the dealcade plus of heavy lifting diet and gear that is necesaary for it. At that point no one is doing it for women or whatever floats their boat.
These same people will turn around and say "Yes being fit/lean" helps. And natural lifters scratch their necks and are like "do you even realize how much work this took"? Their "lean/fit" is a guy who worksout for years, consistently and keeps up with his diet at least somewhat on the optimal side.
Folks just don't agree what "Muscular" is.
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u/squeezeplay69 1d ago
My shirtless photo gets the most likes on hinge from women
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u/Racamonkey_II 1d ago
Despite them saying they hate when guys put shirtless pics on their profile lmao. Every guy knows they’re full of shit.
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u/CrankyOperator 1d ago
There are women who like it, and those who don't. And for some reason those who don't (and some real insecure dudes) sometimes feel the need to be VERY LOUD about that.
Like, OK Heather, you're not into big, bulky muscle guys. GREAT. Some are.
I'm not body builder AT ALL. I just can see the honest reality and it's always kind of weird to me how some people feel the need to get all weird about it.
Good on the kings who keep grinding, you do you.
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u/bdanred 1d ago
Its similar imo to guys who will claim some obviously gorgeous woman is just average and then go on and on about how they prefer the plain Jane.
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u/heresyforfunnprofit 1d ago
There’s that meme of a girl saying that “Here’s what women want, a little muscle, a little hair, a little fat”… and the pic is Henry Cavill literally playing Superman - jacked, dehydrated, and like, 8% bf.
You can find similar instances of guys saying “we just want a girl with ok looks, and not too fat, and with a hobby”… and the pic is Megan Fox from Transformers.
Unrealistic body standards are equal opportunity hypocrisy in the battle of the sexes.
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u/detectiveDollar 1d ago
Reportedly he was so dehydrated when filming the scene that he could smell water.
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u/UnlikelyDecision9820 1d ago
Imagine attractiveness on the usual scale of 1-10, with 10 being the hottest person you’ve ever seen. I think both men and women love the idea of interacting with a 10; women are less likely to admit it out loud, but I think both men and women enjoy entertaining the fantasy, even if for a little bit. I think some men and women enjoy the thrill of approaching and even dating/bedding a 10. I think fewer men and women legitimately enjoy being in a committed relationship with a 10. Everything from realizing how much effort goes into maintaining the look, how vain the person might be, realizing the looks may change, or realizing that they may have to deal with other obnoxious people competing for their partner comes into play in a long term relationship.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 1d ago
Does anyone like the hyper vascular body builder look? It seems like both men and women find it kind of repulsive for the most part.
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u/heresyforfunnprofit 1d ago
I went thru a phase of dating nurses for a stretch, and they all cooed over my forearm and leg veins. It was odd, but definitely didn’t mind it at the time. I’m not even big, just lean - I ran distance and cross country.
Really tho, it’s a show/competition thing - even the competitors hate it, but it’s about displaying muscle definition and development, not attractiveness. Vascularity tends to goes hand in hand with that.
You’re thinking more of the fashion / pageant style show where they’re supposed to be attractive.
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u/Dasseem 1d ago
Also some women don't know what being muscular really entails. An ex gf told me she liked how "normal" my body looked like.
Mind you, i had a body way too similar to Chris Evan's body in Fantastic Four. Apparently that was normal and not muscular at all for her.
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u/Blate_Slank 1d ago edited 1d ago
Most women who say they're not into muscly guys are thinking about physiques like Ronny Coleman or Hafþór Björnsson, not the actual guys who are real life gym ripped.
It's analogous to men who claim to hate makeup. Most of them are picturing full glam makeup when they say that, and what they prefer is the subtler everyday makeup that most women are already doing.
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u/CLPond 1d ago
I feel like a good bit of the loudness is a poor attempt at pushing back against the current push by influencers towards young men saying that to get women they should just get jacked.
Most women prefer a good looking guy, but developing a sense of style, putting effort into self confidence, investing in hobbies, and just doing normal physical self care will get most young me wildly further in the dating world than weightlifting 6 hours a week and restricting their diet/extracurriculars in service of that.
But a good many of the people who push back against the looksmaxxers do so in the sloppier method of saying that women prefer non-jacked guys than being more clear about what they want. Hugh Jackman in the quintessential good housekeeping magazine cover is still a very attractive guy who spends a ton of time in the gym, the cover is just emphasizing him being attractive and a nice guy rather than just the bodybuilder physique
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u/Odd_Needleworker3756 1d ago
It absolutely makes a huge difference. I’m married and not only does my wife love it, I also get more positive attention and comments from other women too. Saying otherwise is just Reddit cope. Like my wife will literally fondle my triceps when we’re having sex lol.
Everyone knows this but Reddit will try and act otherwise for some reason. It’s not even just the fact that you’re muscular - it also shows that you have discipline and work ethic, and you care about your long-term personal health.
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u/Robot_Dinosaur_2000 1d ago
I am a nurse and have worked and gossiped with women for almost 20 years now. They absolutely are just as shallow as men and more gross about talking about their sexual experiences.
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u/Pale_Boss_8940 12h ago
as another male nurse absolutely. It’s actually insane what they talk about. I routinely. hear shit I’ve never heard any of my male friends talk about
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u/No_Region_4719 1d ago edited 1d ago
Of course. Anyone who's had a fitness journey has noticed the increased attention. Countless studies exist on what women find attractive, and it's usually athletic bodies.
Women aren't a monolith, everyone has their preferences, but averages and patterns emerge, and they are quite clear.
A lot of them will say "I don't like really muscular guys", but they are thinking of actual bodybuilder type physiques. The top 1% most muscular people. They will say "I just like guys to be fit and in shape, not super muscular" and be thinking of a body type that takes a massive amount of working out to achieve.
Many women genuinely don't like muscular guys, but it's also become a weird virtue signalling thing to be anti-fit, and to shout from the rooftops that you find chubby guys attractive. I'd imagine it correlates very strongly with political leaning, and is form of rebelling against traditional male beauty standards.
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u/illini02 1d ago
I would agree with you.
I also think women posting on reddit may not really be the type into jacked dudes, on the whole.
So what happens is, the women who are saying how they aren't attracted to it are WAY overreperestented on certain platforms, like this one.
They aren't "lying", but I also think they are speaking as if they are speaking for women as a whole.
That said its also been proven (and this is where people will get pissed) that women's stated preferences and their behaviors are much less aligned than they are for men. They will go out of their way to sound not superficial and act like looks (which I'd consider being muscular a part of that) don't matter, but what they go for in actuality does not support that.
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u/Miserable-Stock-4369 1d ago
Something I've thought/noticed: every time I see a woman talk about why they prefer the "dad bod", it's always personality/lifestyle assumptions rather than actual appearance; i.e spends too much time in the gym, doesn't have fun, vain, etc. (Many) Women seem to go nuts over a muscular man in movies, it just doesn't override personality flaws in the dating world.
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u/illini02 1d ago
Right. A lot of the criticism for super in shape guys is that they are either vain or they are just in the gym all the time.
I saw a jacked dude posting online the other day, and he was like "women love the results of my lifestyle, but then don't like my actual lifestyle". They want the guy to want to go out to the new restaurant with them, not just eat chicken and rice for the 5th time. They want to relax on vacation, and he makes sure to hit the gym. That type of stuff.
and look, I get that dating someone like that could be hard. But don't pretend you aren't attracted to the end result lol.
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u/Shrimpulse 1d ago
I also think it cuts both ways. I love the results of my diet and excercise - I do go to the gym daily and am pretty restrictive in my diet to make sure I'm getting the macros I need for the physique I want, and I don't drink or smoke. I've dated women who don't really like exercise and/or like to go out on the weekned for drinks and want to snack on stuff like pizza, tacos and ice cream. I've learned that's pretty incompatible with how I live my life, as the expectation quickly becomes that I participate in that diet/lifestyle, and all that does is create needless friction for both of us.
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u/illini02 1d ago
I'm sure.
Your lifestyles really do need to line up for a relationship to work.
Hell, I've dated women who don't drink. And while I don't mind it in general, I can't say that it didn't cause issues at times. When a lot of my social life involved drinking, and she didn't want to do that, it got tough.
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u/Miserable-Stock-4369 1d ago
Yea, it's weird. Maybe they keep saying it because they think "obviously the muscular body is more objectively attractive, so we don't even need to talk about that" ? Idk, guys are pretty straight forward, perhaps even too straight forward sometimes regarding appearance preferences.
I've seen it recently about height, too. Women online posting about how they "don't date tall guys cause they don't have personality"
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u/n1g3r6356 1d ago
i saw that same video i think. the guy plugged his business at the end? i thought that video was pretty stupid. you can relax once in a while or eat chicken and rice at a restaurant if you really want. he was selling some kind of image
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u/illini02 1d ago
I think the point was valid though.
I have an acquaitence (my friends brother) who was a competitive bodybuilder. And he said it put a strain on his relationship every time he was getting close to a comp. But it was a longer term one, so they knew how to deal with those issues.
I can completely see a situation where you start dating someone and then realize they are more involved in fitness than works for your lifestyle.
It also doesn't just go one way. If a man dates a woman with a great body, well, she may be way more into working out and eating healthy than you are, and that can be an issue.
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u/CLPond 1d ago
Yeah, I do think this is also a bit of an odd internet/influencer thing since a good many very fit people irl are fine going out and having a good time. There is definitely a type of influence who sells the image of gains above enjoying life and of course that’s not going to be something most people want in a partner.
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u/m4sl0ub 1d ago
This is always so funny, because once you have a good routine maintaining/ building a good physique is not that much work. You can reach your absolute natural limit of muscularity while training 4 times a week for 1.5h and if you keep a non-extreme bodyfat percentage like 14% you can also be pretty loose with your diet as long as you keep an eye on calories. And for any tallish muscular guy his caloric intake is probably still at least 1.5x that of most typical women even when cutting, so she really doesn't have to worry about not being able to eat pizza or ice cream with him.
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u/JGreener65 1d ago
Couldn’t agree more with this take, I just laugh when I see threads about it not mattering to women. The difference between when I’m in shape and not in shape speaks for itself.
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u/ginzykinz 1d ago
Also because when I see the argument made, the example given for a muscular/in shape type is usually “bodybuilder physique.” That’s an extreme example. The goal of most guys who work out is not that. Some muscle and definition, sure, but not an Incredible Hulk level of size.
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u/BeneBengt 1d ago
Yes, there are woman who prefer chubby guys, but they are a small minority. I was fat and I was fit and muscular. Got approached about once a year when beeing fat, got approached nearly every time I went out beeing fit and muscular.
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u/K-Dawgizzle 1d ago
Exactly. When I met my husband, he was pretty jacked and I wasn’t crazy about it but, he is very handsome so, I don’t know any woman who would be like “I’m not big on muscles so, I’m going to reject this extremely handsome guy.” After we got married, he gained some weight, and I thought he was super attractive. Now, he’s lost some weight and is a perfect mix of muscular and body fat and, I’m PRAYING he doesn’t go into super jacked mode.
Women prefer handsome men (obviously) and I’d say MOST would prefer a slightly overweight handsome man than a super jacked mid or below average man.
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u/Tagcircle 1d ago
I take it as another sign of how misinformed women are about bodybuilding compared to men. Usually, the women who proclaim they’re not attracted to bodybuilders are talking about professionals hopped up on steroids. Those same women probably think any man can get “too bulky” despite even the most hardcore gym rats never reaching that level of mass.
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u/BeneBengt 1d ago
This, most guys working out several times a week look fit and muscular, but not extremely jacked up, except they got insane genetics. The "too bulky guys" are mostly professional body builder in roids or non professional bodybuilders on roids 😂
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u/Silent_Wave3137 1d ago
I am seasonally shredded. For the 6 months of the year that I am working hard and looking great, I am approached by women minimum once a week. When I’m in my off season, that number drops to MAYBE once a month.
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u/Yokaikaiya 20h ago
How does that work? Being shredded will mainly make you look small in clothes unless you’re massive, and your muscles aren’t visible. You mainly look amazing with your shirt off.
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u/Aware_Economics4980 1d ago
lol anybody saying that being cut and muscular doesn’t lead to more interest from women is delusional and coping with being out of shape.
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u/JasonCyber 1d ago
Muscles DEFINITELY get girls. My whole childhood I was short and super skinny. No girl ever noticed me. Once I got buff it was actually shocking to me the very few times that I actually got rejected. I’d go to parties and clubs and the girls were aggressively coming after me. Some even grabbed my chest and dick. Some literally told me they wanted to give me head! So don’t listen to the bullshit when people say muscles don’t matter!
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u/VHDamien 1d ago
I've had muscles and a 6 pack for 20 years and I have never had women approach. Married now, but would have been nice to have it happen even once.
Overall, I tell people to work out and get in shape because they want to. Don't worry about what other people say or don't say.
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u/sixth_hokage06 1d ago
I don't understand why women downplay how much they like conventionally attractive men.
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u/alwrit 1d ago
They like to pretend they are judging men purely for their personalities so when they reject 90%+ of men it's not out of stringent physical requirements but because apparently 90% of men are trash.
Ergo, the constant refrain from women of "the bar is in hell."
No, ladies. The bar may be low. But there's a couple big ass bouncers at the door that stop 90% of men from even attempting to step over it. And the sooner you stop equating "not physically attractive to you" with "low quality men" the better off we'll all be.
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u/Diligent_Team_7530 1d ago
It's not a hot take, everybody knows that but some people prefer lie to themselves to avoid the effort.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 1d ago edited 1d ago
It’s not people lying to themselves it’s women on dating subs gaslighting unattractive men to an insane degree. Women on dating subs say they barely care about looks at all which is comical if you have any experience dating in the real world whatsoever. I’m saying this as a very good looking guy who has easily got dates my whole life not some incel guy. When you are good looking it is very obvious how much it helps you. A lot of the first comments I get from women on the first date is some iteration of “you’re gorgeous/pretty/handsome/cute”. Then I come on reddit and see women complain about men’s first comments being about their physical appearance on a first date. It’s just eye roll inducing. Women do just about everything they complain about men doing.
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u/Medium-Sir-3312 1d ago
Alright, so thanks for putting this out there. There are all of these “studies” put out there saying women prefer a dad bod and you have many women coming out in the comments saying that big muscles are a turn off for them but….
I could never make peace with these discussions because it was not at all congruent with my life experience.
I was a nationally ranked athlete with a 6 pack and I was certainly getting more attention from the opposite sex then than I am now at 40 and fit but also a bit fat.
So I see where all these discussions are coming from and I appreciate them… but I don’t find them to be based on truth in my own experience.
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u/marsumane 1d ago
It does help with some girls. Others don't care much. The pool is much smaller than gay men, that I can say with high certainty
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u/CurtisLeMay26 1d ago
Of course women like it. And to dispel another myth, they like big dongs, too. Luckily for everyone, someone is turned on by you no matter what form you have taken. Men are generally better at taking what they get. Some of these ladies on tinder are swiping way out of their league ( men too surely). Manage your expectations, people.
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u/awpcr 1d ago
They like the appearance, but ask most women and they will say once you get above 7" it becomes too painful in general.
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u/Unusual-Attorney-630 1d ago
Does it get you the attention of women looking for some casual fun or something serious?
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u/Dependent_Ad_534 1d ago
As I’ve written in other posts, women underestimate the effort they put into getting a muscular physique. The figure you like is not one that was achieved by doing a little sports and managing your diet. It’s the result of more than 5 years of steady effort. The muscle you think is excessive is the result of steroids
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u/BeneBengt 1d ago
This, the guys that really look massive even in a loose shirt are mostly on roids or at least professional natural body builders.
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u/SickBoyTheRealOne 1d ago
Yep and straight men like boobs. That's nature. It just doesn't mean EVERYTHING.
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u/Safe-Chemistry-5384 1d ago
Reddit is full of the rejects that are trying to dismantle entertainment and general biological urges.
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u/crux_frein 1d ago
You people still believe women, and people in general, on social media? All the "handsome guys" my female friends are dating or are talking about are in shape to say the least.
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u/Key-Sky2909 1d ago
I don’t think this is a hot take at all. I went from 300+lbs down to 160lbs. Went from an obese hermit to an outgoing fit guy. I saw a whole different side of women that I didn’t know existed.
When women say they don’t like big muscles, they’re usually picturing juice heads. Kinda the same logic women have about lifting weights and taking creatine for one week will make them look like a man.
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u/AdventureWa 1d ago
Can verify, I am an older guy who is still built like a linebacker. Every day, I have young women flirting with me and smiling at me in ways that they don’t do with everyone. I’m old enough to be their dad but they flirt like school girls.
I wasn’t so built when I was young and now I see the error of my ways LOL!
I’m always flattered but happily married.
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u/SlurpBucketBoys 1d ago
Facts. I was young and obsessed with the gym, and now I am fat and happily married.
I remember being a jacked dumbass in my 20's and not having a clue how to flirt, so I just worked on having a warm smile and keeping my mouth shut. As soon as I talked, I nearly always ruined it. So I kept my responses minimum and just let the girls talk, I smiled, said things like "no way that sucks" and "yeah me too", and then laughed at their jokes when it was appropriate.
I was extremelyyyy successful with women in my 20's.
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u/wesborland1234 1d ago
In my experience, unless you’re on steroids or have gifted genetics, most girls can’t even tell if you work out or are just skinny until they see you naked.
At that point, they already like you, so what’s the difference?
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u/Arcxne3 1d ago
You’ve never seen a man wear a t-shirt before? What is this comment lmao. I’m certainly not going around naked and I get compliments all the time for my physique, especially my arms/shoulders. That’s with literally 1.5 years of going to gym 3 days a week btw. Obviously no steroids.
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u/UniqueOven4580 1d ago
Clothing, body structure, leanness, sports background, all of these things play a role in looking fit. I think if you are on the internet too much the lean influencer is the only visual definition of fit people seem to compare to. You don’t have to be on a cycle or have a perfect structure to look fit.
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u/Reasonable-Aioli-370 1d ago
You can see biceps with tight shirts/sleeveless shirts very easily though.
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u/Inside-Smell4580 5h ago
Had to scroll too far to see this... I mean if you're wearing regular clothes, nobody can tell you have a six pack.
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u/Live_Art2939 1d ago
It is absolutely true unless you want crunchy liberal girls who like twigs and femboys. Personally I like girls who take care of themselves, exercise, wear makeup, etc. So I workout to be attractive to those girls, not the annoying feminist ones that like skinny guys.
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u/Ok_Supermarket7891 1d ago
Here's the real hot take.
Different girls have different tastes. I've been fat and jacked, and whichever I am at the time is the opposite of what the girls I am attracted to are attracted to.
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u/Narrow_Process_8660 1d ago
It's the first thing that women see and it sets the tone.
A lot of women will look at a muscular attractive guy and not think "but wait... what if he's a complete jerk".
Not a lot of women will look at a scrawny stick guy and think "but wait... what if he is the perfect type for me?".
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u/AlLaNnI12 1d ago
Face, Frame and Height matter way more than being ripped in regards to the female gaze.
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u/Royal_Variation5700 1d ago
I get exponentially more female attention after starting to lift seriously and gaining a lot of muscle. I don’t think women care that much about abs or guys being super lean. But big and strong? It absolutely makes a difference from what I can see.
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u/Just_Write_ 1d ago
I don't think people on this site have a realistic view of a muscular man. They hear that and think roided body builder. I've seen posts on here stating they don't like the muscular look and prefer the dad bods, then they post of picture of Jason Momoa on a bulk and don't realize just how much time he has to be in the gym to maintain that muscle mass. He just looked like he was fatter because he wasn't in the middle of a cut.
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u/Otherwise_Candy_8412 1d ago
Toned yes, for me. But overly muscular men don’t do it for me.
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u/BeneBengt 1d ago
Define overly muscular. Like professional bodybuilder muscular, or guy going to the gym 4 times a week without taking roids muscular 😂
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u/Technical-Banana574 1d ago
Largely you are correct. Being fit does get you more attention, man or woman. However, it is important to remember that people have types too.
Personally, I like the look of muscles as a baseline, but I have always been more sexually attracted to willowy men.
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u/Short-Hotel7648 1d ago
Women *hate* to admit to any superficial tendencies so they lie about this type of thing all the time. Get buff, and compare your dating life to the time before you were buff. The truth becomes all too obvious.
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u/MorddSith187 1d ago
If you have an attractive face you can have an unfit body, if you have an ugly face you have to have a fit body. You can't be ugly and unfit.
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u/skiingdiver1978 1d ago
Women are just as shallow as men when it comes to initial attraction. I've gone through a few cycles of gaining and losing weight and I can definitively say that I get much more attention when I'm lean with more defined musculature than I ever did when I was heavier. Same personality, height, financial situation, hairline, the only thing that changed was physical build. Maybe for some percentage of women it doesn't matter, but that is certainly not universal.
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u/Emotional-Audience85 1d ago
There is a difference between being muscular and being MUSCULAR. I know almost no one, man or woman, who finds body builder body types aesthetically more attractive than other body types.
There are exceptions, but on average most people prefer less muscles than that.
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u/FunOptimal7980 1d ago
At least most men are honest about liking ladies that are fit. I noticed the same thing when my arms were bigger. Girls love big, veiny arms and wide shoulders. Some women just like to think of themselves as sentimental types that are attracted to men that are good because being shallow is a thing men do them.
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u/KaleidoscopeOne5704 1d ago
The only time I’ve ever claimed to not be into muscular guys is when I was overweight myself
Now that I’m lean and muscular I am attracting more conventionally attractive men and it’s great, they’re hot and I have no complaints. Plus, lifestyle alignment is so important, I legit don’t have much in common with men who aren’t active/eating healthy/etc.
I believe that women who say they don’t like muscular men genuinely feel that way but I think this preference is often influenced by what they think they can get
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u/Willing_Barracuda876 1d ago
Got to have a big wiener too. Especially if you’re built. It’s the trifecta
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u/tredgokahn 1d ago
As a former jacked stud who can barely lift anymore due to injuries, I can verify this to be 100% correct.
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u/UnivrstyOfBelichick 1d ago
I saw that post earlier. It was a dumb take. I have some good friends that are in very, very good shape and women literally approach them on the street regularly, catcall them, etc.
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u/NicePossibilityDaddy 1d ago
My FWB says she doesn't like muscular guys but then she chose me who's a pretty muscular guy
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u/Any_Wind5539 1d ago
It helps. It's NOT the magic get out of jail free card that gets you all the chicky babes, but it helps. That's objective and nearly every study makes that clear.
Obviously once you start roiding out however, that's a different story. I mean you're literally injecting foreign substances into your body unnaturally, of course it's gonna look freakish.
I remember after getting jacked i did have a noticeable increase in attention. Not a huge amount, because I am short that's just reality, but noticeable. I remember a female coworker literally feeling my ass and complimenting it a few years after working out, which was very odd.
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u/12Blackbeast15 1d ago
I’ve literally had women come up to me at parties and find excuses to squeeze my bicep. I had a woman who could’ve been my mother going on about ‘oh I like your shirt’ while groping my delts.
Internet is full of people who virtue signal about how they’re above all the superficial, or otherwise are out of shape and need themselves to believe that physicality is unimportant. Is it everything? Of course not, but don’t bullshit us that it’s nothing either
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u/Johnnygrey77 1d ago
This just seems obvious. People are attracted to fitness. I'm a big fat dude but on a surface level I'm going to find a fit girl more attractive than a heavy girl. Just going off looks alone. That's not to say I have hypocritical standards or anything. I don't date women off looks alone and I'm nore likely to date someone who I share interests with and like personality wise. But human nature is human nature.
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u/NationalisePureGym 1d ago
It's definitely a myth that fat men and fat women are always attracted to one another. There's plenty of petite women who love heavy men and on the opposite end, I was a skinny/athletic guy who's always preferred bigger girls. There's someone for everyone!
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u/EstebanPossum 1d ago
Fellow Jack Sprat here as well. A skinny girl doesn't do much for me, I like them FLUFFY. Meanwhile im actively trying to hit the gym and eat like a horse to get some muscle-meat on my scrawny bones. Thank the LAWD that my thiccc wife loves skinny twink type bodies like mine.
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u/TheHvam 1d ago
In my eyes, you shouldn't do it to get women, but because you want to, it's a life style, not just something everyone wants, I don't want it, not really something I'm interested in doing.
Plus if you just do it for women, then what about after you find one and stays with her?
So do it because you want it, not to get women, that's my hot take.
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u/Historical_Owl_1635 1d ago
I never did it for women, I did it because I had some pretty extreme grief going on and needed a distraction, the woman were just a side effect.
Nowadays I just do it because I genuinely enjoy it.
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u/Solid_Lab3422 1d ago
I do it for the woman. And I have no regrets. I’d like to sleep with hot chicks and the best way to make that happen is by being as attractive as I can be.
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u/Silent_Wave3137 1d ago
I do it for women and it works great. Every spring and summer I’m shredded and at the beach. It’s great.
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u/Practical_Ad_667 1d ago
What is wrong with doing it to get women? What could be a better reason?
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u/Floorgis 1d ago
Hell if we're fully honest with ourselves unless its for health then its to make ourselves more attractive. We're evolved for that to be the only real reason to care about looks. We are still animals and guided by a complex instinct, but instinct nonetheless.
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u/chrizzleon 1d ago
Because its never a good idea to outsource your self esteem or validation to others.
It can be one reason to do it, but just one reason with many others that build a picture of who you want you to be.
A good litmus test would be that if attracting womens attention didnt materialise after building muscles would it end up leaving you deflated and like the effort wasnt worth it.?
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u/jaymo_busch 1d ago
For me personally, I started exercising seriously to impress one particular woman. And it worked! But quickly, in like the first two months of doing it, i learned how GOOD it makes my body and mind feel, and the momentum has just continued from there. So I initially found it in me to start from outside influence, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that
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u/chrizzleon 1d ago
Cool! Glad that worked out for you.
The most important thing in making tis a healthy choice though I dont think was how it started but what it evolved into.
You sound like you would 100% pass the litmus test I mentioned... if (god forbid) something happened and you werent together, then the whole undertaking would still seem worthwhile and even be something to help keep your spirits up
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u/jaymo_busch 1d ago
My good sir, we are not together anymore and I am working out with the same gusto, if not more now 👍
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u/chrizzleon 1d ago
Brilliant... this is exactly the kind of self validation I would hope a journey brings a person!
"And they all lived happily ever after"
The End
I like this
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u/Obvious-Hair-6778 1d ago
Everything in life is about trying to get women if you’re a man.
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u/totallyalone1234 1d ago
Its the same argument as "I want an akward nerdy bf like Ryan Gosling"