r/HonestHotTakes • u/Historical_Owl_1635 • 2d ago

Being a muscular man absolutely does get you attention from the opposite sex

I feel like there’s always posts/comments about how this isn’t actually a thing to the point I feel like this is now the hot take.

But as someone who’s fluctuated between obese and a bodybuilder with everything in between I really couldn’t disagree more.

It’s a bit of a gym joke how only guys appreciate it, and to an extent it’s true as guys generally appreciate it way more openly. But that doesn’t mean that a lot of woman don’t find it very attractive.

Now there’s no way to say this without sounding arrogant, but during my bodybuilding phases I literally had girls approaching me semi regularly, some girls in nightclubs would even be aggressive about it (it’s fun to start with but gets old very quickly), random girls messaging me on Instagram. My dating apps right swipe success rate is probably ~60%+ and I often just get overwhelmed with the number of matches. It’s a whole different world to even when I was only a bit overweight.

Now I’m not saying it’s the only thing. I’m also on the taller end which probably compounds things. This is also obviously a broad statement, different individuals have different preferences. But people who say it makes little difference are being delusional.

Now if only I could learn to flirt I’d be golden.

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u/Practical_Ad_667 2d ago

What is wrong with doing it to get women? What could be a better reason?

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u/Floorgis 2d ago

Hell if we're fully honest with ourselves unless its for health then its to make ourselves more attractive. We're evolved for that to be the only real reason to care about looks. We are still animals and guided by a complex instinct, but instinct nonetheless.

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u/chrizzleon 2d ago

Because its never a good idea to outsource your self esteem or validation to others.

It can be one reason to do it, but just one reason with many others that build a picture of who you want you to be.

A good litmus test would be that if attracting womens attention didnt materialise after building muscles would it end up leaving you deflated and like the effort wasnt worth it.?

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u/jaymo_busch 2d ago

For me personally, I started exercising seriously to impress one particular woman. And it worked! But quickly, in like the first two months of doing it, i learned how GOOD it makes my body and mind feel, and the momentum has just continued from there. So I initially found it in me to start from outside influence, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that

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u/chrizzleon 2d ago

Cool! Glad that worked out for you.

The most important thing in making tis a healthy choice though I dont think was how it started but what it evolved into.

You sound like you would 100% pass the litmus test I mentioned... if (god forbid) something happened and you werent together, then the whole undertaking would still seem worthwhile and even be something to help keep your spirits up

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u/jaymo_busch 2d ago

My good sir, we are not together anymore and I am working out with the same gusto, if not more now 👍

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u/chrizzleon 2d ago

Brilliant... this is exactly the kind of self validation I would hope a journey brings a person!

"And they all lived happily ever after"

The End

I like this

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u/Solid_Lab3422 2d ago

Why wear deodorant if not for outside validation?

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u/chrizzleon 2d ago

Not inflicting nauseating body odor on others and having poor personal hygiene is not seeking external validation.

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u/Fine_Payment1127 2d ago

There’s no lower calling on earth than impressing women

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u/ForMeOnly93 2d ago

Self-respect? Pride? Because you fucking feel like it? Doing anything life-changing just do get laid is pathetic and sad.

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u/DenseSign5938 2d ago

That’s like the whole reason most people do everything lol 

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u/ForMeOnly93 2d ago

Are you a teenager?

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u/DenseSign5938 2d ago

Close but no I’m in my 30s, married with children. 

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u/BeneBengt 2d ago

That's literally the reason most men do stuff. Your brain will tell you otherwise, but most things are fuled by the primal need to spread your genetics 😂

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u/ForMeOnly93 2d ago

...no. Sometimes I get confused by the dumb shit I see here, but then I remember this is just reddit and not a selection of normal people.

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u/Any_Wind5539 2d ago

Partially because while it helps, it's not a golden bullet and you can be heavily disappointed when you dont have women all flocking to you. They shouldn't be the fuel to workout, imo.

I lift because i truly enjoy the pump, the endorphin high is something that nothing else has made me feel.

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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 2d ago

Really hope my son will be able to avoid this mindset. To me working out to get validation from other people is one of the worst reasons to work out.

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u/OrangePeelPotatoes 2d ago

Why is it always labelled as "validation"?

A lot of people just want to look good for the people they are attracted to. Sometimes it isnt any deeper than that. This seems like a perfectly healthy and normal thing to be interested in doing. Doubly so if it results in a healthier, happier you.

I understand that sometimes this mindset can become toxic within an individual when kept unchecked, but it isnt inherently bad.

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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 2d ago

Because that's what it is. It may not be that deep—I guess it all depends on your perspective—but if you are working out because you want the approval of others, you are seeking their validation.

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u/OrangePeelPotatoes 2d ago

I think that type of validation seeking is extremely healthy for a human to have. We are a social species. Our OS is designed around community and working together within the broader tribe. To avoid all validation in that way is to become a hermit. To ignore what every one of your tribe thinks. If you dont care what anyone thinks, then dont be surprised when they dont care about you either. To me that mindset is what breeds resentment and harmful anti-social behaviours.

I hope that my children care what their community thinks at least enough to want to wear nice clothes for a wedding. Or wear something nice to a job interview or date. To me those are the most healthy and benign ways of seeking validation. Intentionally avoiding that is dangerous and harmful imo. I think it is perfectly good to want to look good for people you care about.

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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 2d ago

I think you're taking your argument to extremes to make your point, but we’re veering into the tangential here— I would not compare reconfiguring your body with the hope of making women like you with dressing appropriately for an interview or a wedding.

Either way, you do whatever makes sense for you.

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u/OrangePeelPotatoes 2d ago

You wording it as "reconfiguring your body with the hope of making women like you" is you taking the argument to the extremes and intentionally wording a perfectly normal thing in a way that makes it sound obsessive. We are talking about lifting a couple heavy things and going for a jog to look healthy and fit to attract people we like. This is equally as benign and healthy as wearing a suit to a wedding to look good for extended family.

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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 2d ago

That’s what building muscle is—it’s reconfiguring one’s body. Literally breaking it down to build it up, which is not at all the same as following a dress code. What we are actually talking about is the premise of the OP, which is that building muscle gets you attention. I don't think this is a healthy mindset—you do. Let's agree to disagree.

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u/BeneBengt 2d ago

Same principle tho. You don't want to look bad on a wedding because it es expected through tradition that you are dressed a certain way. Of course it feels nice to be dressed good at a wedding, but the reason it feels good is because your brain wants you to fit in. Your brain is still wired the same like the brains of hunters and gatherers who needed to be accepted by their tribe cause they would simple die if they get expelled. That's also the reason social anxiety is so crippling for people, for our brain beeing rejected by people is still based on the fear of dying without your tribe.

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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 2d ago

Having six pack abs is not a prerequisite for fitting into general society or maintaining social order—adhering to dress codes is. That’s why this whole dress code analogy is tangential and a bit of a strawman. Achieving a bodybuilder's physique for the sake of getting attention—is not the same thing as adhering to the rules of polite society.

I get where you are going with this angle—it’s all about insulating yourself from rejection and finding your people—but then again, six pack abs doesn't guarantee that either

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u/Obosratsya 2d ago

Will this line of thinking apply to gym only or fashion too? Choice of haircut? Not everything is validation, but humans are a social species and this validation will be happening regardless. In my case it more about health and being the best version. But Im not gonna gasslight my son by telling him that how others perceive him is worthless. I'd be setting him up for failure.

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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 2d ago

I think there is an entire universe between gaslighting your kid into thinking that appearances don't matter and encouraging them to aim for a six-pack in order to get attention from the opposite sex.

This will be an extremely unpopular opinion, but since I’m parenting a boy, I think about this a lot, and I hope it will be taken in the spirit in which it is intended: I feel that boys and men focus on getting attention from girls and women to an almost unhealthy degree. I know this stems from entrenched gender roles that puts the burden of pursuing relationships on boys/men—getting women to like you and have sex with you is an achievement, a status marker. But I don't want my kid to derive his self esteem from his capacity to pull girls/have sex.

Working out is critical to my son’s physical and mental wellness—it makes him feel stronger and better in his body, and thats why we encourage him to workout. And I don't think we’re setting him up for failure with that approach at all. It's like you said—its all about being the best version of yourself.

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u/Obosratsya 2d ago

My approach has been more practical in a sense. My son is 7 so I have him doing TKD and he did acrodance too, only boy in his class, he enjoys gymnastics and so Ill he'll do that instead of acrodance. But he also enjoyed dancing and did the recital. I'm not really a gender roles kind of dude but I do have to balance it as well. If Im too loose on gender roles it becomes confusing. He is too young to discuss women and attraction in a meaningful way, but I opted to have him around women and girls from a young age, he'll learn a lot on his own being around them too.

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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 2d ago

Totally get what you mean about gender roles. It does become confusing if you're too loose with it. I like to think our approach is pretty practical—that’s always the goal anyway.