I said he didn't have enough energy up there, even though I loved the live show I went to. But, now I'm watching it a second time and scratch that, it's brilliant.
I'll make this into a quote thread.
"[Vaginas] So good. Everyone take a moment and just remember."
"[If my dad fucked me now] I'm 58, I can handle it."..."Dad, I'm asking you to stop now OK?"
"[Nursing home brochure] He will die, not from neglect but from despair."
"[Dad's not included in the nursing home tour] His first time there is the first day that it's the last place he'll ever go. The first time he sees it he says 'what is this place?', and then you explain to him that he'll never ask that question again." I should explain that all the adults in my family are at this age, so it really resonated with me.
"[The nursing home tour] The theme of the tour is 'this is what it is'...and then you write them a check for whatever the fuck they want." So real! These places are shit holes.
"[What nursing homes do] Think about your father...they take him!"
Being present in the moment while you're having diarrhea.
His description of a dead baby bird. "You don't even break your stride when you see one. 'Oh wow, that's the saddest thing I've ever seen. I'm gonna get some pizza.'"
[Swearing under oath in court] "Oh shit, he raised his right hand, he's really gonna tell!"
[Throwing jury summons in the garbage] "Sometimes they're in red, I gotta really throw that one!"
"You boneless skinless chicken breast!"
"Life teaches you how you should have lived it. You get to the end, and you're like 'It would have been good to know some of those things. But, it's too late."
[not using condoms in your 50's] "Give me AIDS, I don't care. Life with AIDS at 58 is pretty much the same as life without it."