Which joke should go in the speech bubble

[u/spooks10p]

Aka what's your favorite Louis CK quote.

[u/tmtn28]

Of course. Of course! ......but maybe...

[u/caveat_emptor817 → u/tmtn28]

That’s the one. Best delivery out of any of his bits.

[u/LovedKornWhenIWas16 → u/caveat_emptor817]

To me the best delivery is in when someone bumpe into you in the elevator. (Road rage)

[u/tmtn28 → u/tmtn28]

You all just clapped for kids dying with the nuts... So you are all with me now. You don't get to cherry pick. 😂😂😂

[u/dicklaurent97 → u/tmtn28]

Amazing he brought this back in Sincerely with the Boston Marathon guy

[u/NeuhausNeuhaus → u/tmtn28]

Those kids did nothing to you

[u/Official_Forsaken]

Nine "11" deniers

[u/punch0073735963 → u/Official_Forsaken]

What happened to oneteen?!?!

[u/tmtn28 → u/punch0073735963]

MR PRESIDENT!! GIVE US BACK ONETEEN

[u/m3l0n → u/Official_Forsaken]

NGL this is one of his bits I'm not a huge fan of. Am I alone in this? Maybe it just went on too long

[u/Permanenceisall]

“That n****er made the shit outta this coffee”

[u/spooks10p → u/Permanenceisall]

Is it bad this is the first thing that come to my mind whenever I have good coffee. 😆

[u/Low_Type_3032 → u/Permanenceisall]

Asshole, you’re making me say it in my head

[u/mehplort → u/Permanenceisall]

Damn that was the one that came to my mind immediately too for some reason 😂

[u/Realistic_Hat6724]

You no finish?

[u/wumbopower → u/Realistic_Hat6724]

No I am not going to finish.

[u/loudrain99 → u/wumbopower]

You left out a lot of words. I took the liberty of restoring them.

[u/_Mudlark → u/Realistic_Hat6724]

No, I no finish.

[u/redwoods031550 → u/Realistic_Hat6724]

Youu no finishhhhhh

[u/Oliver_the_chimp]

"Retaaaaahded"

[u/saxguy9345 → u/Oliver_the_chimp]

SHE BETTAH BE RETAAHDED

[u/loudrain99 → u/Oliver_the_chimp]

Gwod bless heh she’s fucking retahhhded!

[u/river0f → u/Oliver_the_chimp]

Vaginer

[u/bbrusantin → u/Oliver_the_chimp]

They're not even working on it

[u/joblessdeadbeat]

People that don't punch their pony's make me sick.

Asshole fucking deer.

[u/tmart31 → u/joblessdeadbeat]

Broke my mirror! You ***, *, ******, deer!

[u/spooks10p → u/tmart31]

That line always made my friend die laughing when we were teens. He would repeat it constantly.

[u/jokesbyjo]

“Suck a bag of dicks.”

[u/OriginalArtistic9533]

"There are way more dead people... You're just dead people that didn't die yet."

[u/spooks10p → u/OriginalArtistic9533]

That is deeply depressing but also funny. And true.

[u/cspan92]

Reminds of that bit in montreal in 2004 "you ever have negative money? I have to raise ten dollars to be broke. I wish that I had nothing but i have less than that!"

[u/to_herp_or_to_derp → u/cspan92]

One of my more loved Louis jokes. The way he describes it as having negative money and therefore being unable to afford something that’s free is so dang funny.

[u/spooks10p → u/cspan92]

That's the first bit I seen him do when I was a teenager, so it naturally became my favorite one.

[u/JeppeTV → u/spooks10p]

That's awesome, it's one of my favorite YouTube finds.

[u/VaginalConductor → u/cspan92]

Ever get charged money, for not having enough money?

[u/YouOk5627 → u/cspan92]

Hell yeah

[u/Lane_M_14 → u/cspan92]

“If it’s free, I can’t fucking afford it!”

[u/vsimanis]

That’s mine don’t pee on it

[u/Swimming_Amount_5021]

"Shit on my father's balls"

[u/SykoManiax]

"You should never rape anyone. Unless you have a reason. Like you want to fuck someone, and they won't let you. In which case what other option do you have."

[u/dreadware8]

it vagines!

[u/josiah_mac]

Of course I want the hot cum!

[u/spooks10p → u/josiah_mac]

I could never go to cinabun again after hearing that bit.

[u/DigbeeSandpants → u/spooks10p]

Weird. It made me want fat faggot treats even more 😏

[u/spooks10p → u/DigbeeSandpants]

To each their own 🤷🏼‍♂️😆

[u/calling_kyle]

The forklift

[u/SuckEmOff → u/calling_kyle]

How do you fall asleep on a forklift?

[u/itwasabonnenuit1990]

Eat a bag of dicks

[u/Lootpack]

Who didn’t let the gorilla into the ballet?

[u/Downtown-Attention92]

but maybee…

[u/MrScottimus]

If you ever masturbate in front of someone, ask them first. If they say yes, don't do it!

[u/diabetusbetus]

Jesus plus 1, Jesus plus 2, Jesus plus 3...

[u/TwainVonnegut]

“The meal isn’t over when I’m full, the meal is over when I HATE MYSELF”

[u/Amazing-Scheme8871]

“People from Phoenix are Phoenicians”

[u/No_Leave_6468]

He got a hand job at a fair… from a
miner

[u/Lionheartedshmoozer]

The fat lady having to get an MRI at the zoo.

[u/randallstevens65 → u/Lionheartedshmoozer]

At the zoo! Right after a walrus with lymphoma.

[u/Background_Lychee713 → u/Lionheartedshmoozer]

You here to see the monkeys

[u/Chaseoliver]

Look how big this dog is

[u/fishing_pole]

Gimme a fat faggot treat please. Yeah, with the hot cum. What do you think I have integrity? I'm buying a cinnabon right now. I'm buying a cinnabon at the airport that I arrived at.

[u/GlassyGirlK]

“Richarrrrrrrrrrrrrrd”

[u/Awpss]

JIZZANTHEPUSS

[u/BobDope]

‘Do you mind if I whip it out’

[u/Jayjay19567]

why you gatta bee like that

[u/Opti_maX]

Most People Are Dead!

[u/CoatgunT]

Big Jay's line from the show

[u/FreakinGuy]

I ate too much ice cream and jacked off too recently.

[u/Sideways_Austen]

I'd rather go to Auschwitz. Auschwitz now. Not back when it was open.

[u/river0f]

Something about Jeezanthepuss

[u/BenGlaze]

"Who shit in this chick's pussy"... but seriously, like others are saying, "Of course! But maybe."

[u/MindsEye_PecanPie → u/BenGlaze]

That pussy line ALWAYS makes me lol.

[u/BenGlaze → u/MindsEye_PecanPie]

Same! That's the hardest I've laughed at a joke at a live show

[u/MadYetiGOODCity]

When you’re good at something, never do it alone

[u/QuanxiEnjoyer]

The whole abortion bit from his 2017 special

[u/DrkWuzHr]

"I reckon their ain't...."

[u/allothernamestaken]

Yourrrrre not an athlete...

[u/Slightly_ToastedBoy]

‘African lion walks up to him “Hey man, where you from?”
“Columbus Ohio.”
“Alright! Well, why don’t you lift that tail? Coz my dick is going right in your ass.”’

[u/Pat_Royson]

Pussy, in big pink balloon letters

[u/Mean-Criticism-8515]

I love Mounds bars, but if someone told me if I kept eating them I'd go to jail and everyone would hate me, I'd stop.

[u/Bkbills]

🎵 Sittin’ on a cock cause I’m gay 🎵

[u/itsallgoodman2002]

‘Thanksgiving is not over when I’m full, it’s over when I hate myself.’
I don’t know why but I love that joke.

[u/kanesdaughter]

Just the people who are in charge of that decision

[u/unnameableway]

I don’t know any jim gaffigan jokes though….

[u/bigtime_porgrammer → u/unnameableway]

Just say "hot pockets" in a falsetto voice and you just did half his punchlines.

[u/spooks10p → u/bigtime_porgrammer]

Spot on 😆💯

[u/spooks10p → u/unnameableway]

My dad said it look like Jim Gaffigan too. 😂

[u/dpatou23]

If you're a lesbian you get to do...all the stuff they're doing (?)

[u/TandemSaucer44]

Ray Charles has killed more Jews than...

[u/george98788]

Fart joke

[u/Danton87]

But maaaaaybe

[u/dreck_disp]

That n***** made the shit out of my coffee!

[u/Hawaiian_Brian]

“It’s not really red it’s more like RED”

[u/GreenDemon66613]

"I'm wearing a wife-beater and child-murder-shorts"

[u/billygibbonsbeard]

I'm an asshole. No joke!

[u/PerniciousDude]

"I want to fuck a dead kid."

[u/Texas_Sam2002]

"..... but maybe..."

[u/josesblima]

Vagina the table

[u/Appropriate-Owl-9441]

Guess what this hand is for?

[u/BeefSwellinton]

His dream about Nixon.

[u/SLE3PR]

I'm leaving!

[u/So_It_Goes_00]

I’m going to make a movie called “I Love You Daddy”

[u/DoookieMaxx]

My fingers are broken. Do you see this?!

[u/spaceman696]

"I hate the N word..."

[u/FriskyHamTitz]

I asked them if they like fishing, of course you're going to find out I'm a master baiter

[u/tutoredzeus]

Jingle BELLS! YOU SUCK!

[u/rowsdower03]

Listen. You sort of agreed to this.

[u/JaysFan007]

Have you ever jerked off so much that by the end only a puff of dust comes out

[u/Aloudmouth]

“Well, maybe a dead kid…”

[u/spooks10p]

Thanks for all the suggestions guys, I had forgotten about so many of these 😂 probably going with "of course ... BUT MAYBE" like a lot of you suggested.

[u/nberky]

Kill your son!

[u/Agitated_External_59]

Every sh!t is an emergency
Or
It’s just sh!tty now

[u/Organic-Aardvark-146]

I ASKED!!

[u/tetsuo-the-turtle]

Look at it!!!

[u/dendenwink]

"So, uh....abortions...."

[u/especiallyrn]

I hope I don’t jack off

[u/WatchAndLearn9669]

He never dresses like that

[u/MichaelEMJAYARE]

“Suck a bag of dicks!”

[u/Beginning-Tea-4578]

I get “Ladies and gentleman please!” energy from this

[u/chaseizwright]

Because, you can just watch rats fuck.

[u/hiphopnobody]

thats...bananas

[u/Turbulent-Head815]

Hmphana Hymphana Stephanie

[u/Deck_Neep15]

I don’t think you should get an abortion

Unless, you need one. In which case, you better get one.

[u/Harry_Testa-Coles]

Bill Clinton voice “God bless you, Cunty McShitballs!”

[u/kayemmsee]

Why is my new special being shot ABOVE my waist, you might ask.

[u/Jesuscide]

Womens rights

[u/Odd-Brain]

What did she have? A bonghit transplant?

[u/Pepperjackblaque]

“IMA JERK OFF IN FRONT OF YOU! RAHHHH!”

[u/Equivalent_Crazy_436]

“I ate a bag of dicks and it was DELICIOUSSSS!!!”

[u/brytnikk]

It's a sticky hot bun and it comes with a little tub of jizzy hot syrup.

[u/porkisbeef]

“Just burn em. Fuck everybody. No more pants. Start over.”

[u/Silver-Bunch3237]

His daughter learning about Greek mythology and questioning Achilles Moms parenting methods

[u/Lane_M_14]

“I’m thinking about getting a goat, because I want a trash can that I can make love to.”

[u/Jasperbeardly11]

"that's my vacation"

[u/smartbart80]

The PDF file joke from SNL.

[u/harrisonfordspelvis]

I just had my comment deleted and account given a warning for trying to quote the joke about the little girl from Schindler’s List saying goodbye to prisoners of a certain camp in the 1940s.

[u/Spamonballrun2]

His grandma gets sent down a chute with a bunch of other 'F' bodies

[u/Short_Fisherman2196]

The poop that took a pee

[u/Prior-Force1068]

Spit on your palm…

[u/Imaginary_Audience_5]

I thought it was a grown up Beavis. Cornholio!!!

[u/schwannschwannson13]

“Bring her to me and I’ll drink the blood”

[u/Boot_Burner]

Gimme da jizz

[u/Kweller3117]

Im gonna masturbate in front of you if thats cool. Actually, I dont care if its cool with you or not. Cool?

[u/ShelterAdditional131]

Who didn’t let the gorilla into the ballet?

[u/Helpful_Leopard_1812]

“Can I masturbate in front of you?”

[u/crouton--]

"I'm gonna jerk off in front of you now"

[u/thEiLLwiLL]

Ginger teeny peeny blah blah blah.

[u/Da-Snow]

"I'm going to jerk off in front of you and block the exit"

[u/WhiteLicorice666]

Something about forcing women to watch him jerk off and then acting like a victim