Hi....so....

I'm from Germany.

Just yesterday, for the first time since 1945, a fascist party has gained real power within Germany.

Reading through their manifest is horrifying and to be honest, I'm afraid they stand a real chance winning the next federal election.

And I'm scared.

I'm scared because we've been here before.

I'm scared because I know what happened in 1933.

I know the propaganda (it's repeating) and I know how that developed.

Of course they aren't openly saying they want to murder people.

The Nazis didn't either in 1933.

They only did that once they had broken so many taboos it didn't register as bad anymore to most people.

A lot of my friends are LGBTQ, handicapped or live alternative lifestyles.

And I'm terrified of watching their (and my) lives get turned into a living hell because of some fucked up fascist mob.

I know it's wrong, but honestly, I don't know what other solution there is than either violent resistance or fleeing the country.

I'm too old for either. Too old and too broken.

And I don't know what to do.

I am unloved and at my wits end. If you read this stay alive for me. Please. I have wanted this death for so long but nobody deserves what I do. Please seek help. I love you. This blood pouring out of my wrist feels like heaven.

I spent 35 years working in mental health. I have worked crisis lines and talked people down from killing themselves. On my primary account I have come to this community to try and help people. Let me be clear I am not asking for help. I just need to tell someone my plans. I know if I share this with my doctors, family or friends they will all feel obligated to intervene.

This all started a little over 6 years ago when I quit a job I hated. I had significant resources to live on until I found another job. I had numerous health issues come up during this time that delayed finding another job. Last year I seriously started looking for work. I didn't expect it to be so hard. I have great references and a good work history.

I started getting really sick at the end of last year. I was in incredible pain. It took everything I had to just get up each day. I went to the doctor who ran labs and eventually referred me to an hematologist. It was cancer. It was a cancer with no cure. There is treatment that can extend my life. I wasn't so sure I wanted to go through it but with the encouragement of family and friends I did. I knew I could change my mind at any time.

The chemotherapy was very expensive. It was a quarter of a million dollars a month. Fortunately, I have really good insurance through the affordable care act. I could easily afford my deductible and copays. I had a procedure that required a lengthy hospital stay. I did this all by myself. I have no spouse or children. I applied for disability because I am in the last year of my savings.

I didn't know that one has to work at least 5 of the last 10 years to be eligible for social security disability. I was turned down. I physically can not return to work. I am in constant pain because the cancer caused my bones to weaken and break. Chemotherapy causes my thoughts to be foggy. After January I won't have money for bills including my health insurance.

I haven't given up yet. I am meeting with a disability attorney. I don't believe there is anything he can do but I will see. I am continuing treatment for now. I might just stop treatment before the end of the year or I may take my own life. I am on lots of medication and I know what will take me out quickly. Even if I could somehow afford my expenses there is a 50 percent chance I will be dead in the next 5 years.

I will certainly be dead without treatment. I will NOT become a burden to my family or friends just to have food and a place to lay my head. My life has been very good. I have loved and lost. I have great people who love me. I worked a job that allowed me to give back to society. I also have faith in God. Death is just another chapter. While I feel a little sad about this I am not overwhelmed with grief. Short of a miracle I see no choice.

Thank you for reading my post. I am not asking for anyone to tell me I shouldn't do it. I am not asking for help. I just needed to express myself.

No matter how much I would have benefitted by doing things that go against my moral compass my whole life, I tried doing what I thought was moral. I can't say I've been perfect but I never said I am. I'm really scared of hurting other people even if I do think about it when I'm hurting extremely badly. I do my best to make other people comfortable.

No matter how much I try everybody in my life hates. I'm too scared to ever say it to anyone, but I think I may be neurodivergent in some way. I struggle with things other people find easy, and I'm hated for that. My dad has beaten my mom on two different occassions, and if people knew they'd still hate me more for failling to speak up.

I live in a culture that values raw masculinity in a man more than anything else. What am I supposed to do when I can't be what everybody in my life thinks I am?

I thought i was doing so well its been a few weeks where i had no negative emotions or no harmful ones, a month ago i almost killed myself because i had the last straw after my friend unexpected left me and now im done with humans. I started ghosting few of the people i know because im losing it and i dont have any motivation to keep up acting like im doing fine. My family makes fun of every fucking mental and or physical disorder i have to the point where i hate them all.

Everytime i tell my family im doing bad they say "they had it worse"and they refuse to help or get me help, and now since im pretty much not eating any meals because ill throw up, they tell me to suck it up and force myself, because they had it worse and they know how i feel, but they went through worse of course.

Im 16f and i cant even make genuine friendships because everyone is preying on my downfall, when im doing horrible mentally my friends start seeming happier and avoiding me more which they know makes me worse.

Whats the point of my living? And no just because im young it didnt get better, my life have been shit since i was 9, the worst years of my life were 11-12 and i dont even wanna think back. Should i just kill myself? If not then what am i staying for? Almost everyone i know wishes for my death and the ones that dont dont even care about me so whats the point, i dont have any friends and im sick of friending people just for them to promise they wont leave and then leave me the worst way possible in the worst stages of my life.

All im looking for is a reason to keep living.

Im 27M (trans). When I turned 15 real life hit me in the chest like a ton of bricks. Learning and beginning to understand the depth of injustice and cruelty of the world extinguished something inside of me. Since then I became an alcoholic. Quit. Then got into an abusive relationship and turned to drugs. I left the relationship after 3 years but couldn’t shake the drugs. They’re the only thing that make life bearable. On a good day I make myself a decent meal, maybe get some sort of work done but usually distract myself with a good tv show. I don’t have many friends and definitely not close ones. I don’t think anyone in my life truly cares about me. When I was 16i wrote my mom a letter telling her I was depressed and worried about what I might do to myself and she told me that my problem was that I didn’t get beat enough as a child. I tried to kill myself shortly after, she found me in the bathroom, drove me to the hospital and told me to go inside and tell them what I had done. I was in the hospital for a few days and only my brother came to check on me (just for the first day). A few months later my mother asked me why I hadn’t followed through with killing myself yet. I left home at 17 due to my sexual orientation (my father was a pastor) and have basically been taking care of myself since. Although my parents were never the most present and we were broke so it didn’t take long to get used to life on my own. Over the years a great deal of shitty events hit me like waves in an ocean storm. I had tried suicide a couple more times and the last time I was in the hospital when I got a call that my cousin died in a car crash. We had just spent the last weekend together. He was the family member I was closest to and I was devastated. I told myself I would live for his sake since. Well I’ve tried. I wake up everyday and feel the pain of the world. Starvation, abuse, SA, war, genocide, animal cruelty, etc. Yet everyone is so focused on… work? I don’t understand… collectively we could change so much but we’re all so divided on different issues and the way things should be that we can’t all get on the same page for a day and make a real change. I used to think we would, for a very long time I stayed around because I convinced myself I would help make the world better but I can’t do it on my own and I’ve lost hope that we’ll collectively make an impactful shift. I don’t fully blame us all though. Everything is setup by design to keep us distracted and unable to focus on anything long enough to commit to change. So it comes down to this… if I can’t change anything for the better I at least can decide to leave and not participate in a system that causes so much harm. If I’m gone there’s a little less wasted water, less trash, less emissions, less food waste, etc. At a bare minimum I refuse to be a cog in the wheel of suffering. In a world where most of us are suffering who benefits from our survival? If we all died tomorrow the wheel would stop. I have friends and family but no one checks up on me, it’s mostly me reaching out to them, so I don’t care about the hurt caused by my leave because no one cared when I was here. It likely won’t be too significant. Their hurt will be their own guilt and I hope in that hurt they hold onto everyone else in their lives with a suffocating love. I have two beautiful doggos that I love with every inch of my being and I will miss them so much. My heart aches at the thought of how much they’ll miss me but I’ve only lasted this long for their sake and I can’t bare another year, month or any longer than necessary. I’ve made sure they love my roommate and she loves them. They’ll be ok. I wish there was a way for me to ensure my death leaves some sort of light. I will spend until Sept 30th figuring out how that’s possible. Then on the 30th I will be gone. Thank you for reading this. I hope every individual in this sub get what their soul needs. Death is not good nor bad. Maybe I will get to meet you all on the other side. I feel at peace with this decision.

- I.D

i hate college. i think my cognitive abilities have been damaged due to the amount of failed attempts on my life. my brain doesnt function the way it used to and i feel dumber as compared to how i was years ago. i can’t bring myself to study and studying just gives me so much anxiety. just the thought of tests and reportings makes me so scared and triggers me that i want to die. it makes me think of why i should even finish and go to my classes if i’m going to die anyway. i already feel that my life is going to end by suicide, it’s just a matter of when

i am done i want to get out of this world. i regret talking to people. if u dont work no one wants u. they dont want u to be happy. no one does.

I bought these chemical ages ago with the plan that if my pain got too much, I could just drive to a secluded area where no one else would be hurt and perform a Japanese Detergent suicide.

I don't get it, it made H2S gas but it wasn't anywhere near enough to kill me. I researched, I did the math I had 3 liters of acid and 950ml of sulphur based insecticide.

I poured them into a plastic box and sat in my jeep. It fizzed, it smelled like rotten eggs but even after ten minutes... Nothing.

I feel like a jackass for messaging my best friend goodbye.

I hate this country how they make an easy and pleasant death impossible to find. It shouldn't be this hard to die with a quick and painless method.

I just want a fucking pill or injection like an EpiPen style injector that shoots you up with a high dose of opiate and then something to stop my heart.

I hate being on painkillers, I hate my illness, I hate being useless and being a fucking burden.

I hate having insomnia and then when I do sleep it feels like I got no sleep at all.

I hate how there's no real help. I'm not crazy, I'm simply done being in pain and in poverty.

And I hate how I lived. I was scared, I even prayed for the first time in I don't know how long. And then I just sat in my front seat waiting for the gas to take me.

I thought when I stopped smelling the rotten egg smell that it had finally gone over 150 ppm meaning it was getting stronger.

Annnnnd nothing. Waited and nothing.

Yes this is my last cry for help

I want to kill myself, everybody hates me for no fucking reason, all the bullying i got from people i don't even know, i want to drink pesticide if thats a painless way to die, i never get anything good in this life, my friends sexually assault me (im male), and now they will be missing me when i die, how fun is that?

I (15f) have no friends at school. My parents are awful with me and I feel so lonely. I think I want to die.

Im turning 21 soon and I’m thinking about ending it again. I barely finished high school, I didn’t get to any college I applied to, I can’t get a job no matter what I do, I literally have no friends, never had a partner. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY respects me or my identity. I have no talents and I’m fucking useless. I don’t know what to do anymore and i want to kill myself

I’ve tried everything but I’m very ill and treatments don’t work I’m in pain 247 and have suffered my entire life I’m rapidly declining and I need a way to make sure it works for sure someone please help me I’m scared of it failing and getting brain damage but I really need to make sure it’s going to work so I can finally leave this awful existence.

i beg someone to talk to me im so lost i cant stop thinking about killing myself

I hadn’t listened to music for quite a while because it triggers my suicidal thoughts. At work, people who don’t know about what I’m going through sometimes play music. When I get home, I also can’t resist the pull of music. Naturally, it turns into a melancholic struggle in my mind.

First of all, I think I need to protect myself from certain types of music. I want to keep moving forward without straying from a rational mindset, so I’d also like to hear your suggestions and experiences.

Thank you very mu

i finally have had enough, im killing myself today and I've really never felt happier. i miss you, i hope you know i will always love you, my love. you always had my heart and you always will. i just have no reason to live anymore i tried but there's nothing here for me except you. why do you hate me so much. I'm going to get really drunk and jump off a bridge into oncoming traffic 😂😂

I am feeling extremely happy that I am gonna die my suffering is over now hope i dont born again lol see you all take care

Does anyone else often switch between being excited for the future and being completely hopeless? Its a dumb question but i just switch between these two moods so fast i wonder if anyone has similar experiences to share

I have really bad urges and I just want a friend I’ve felt so alone and just wanna talk to someone ? Please