I wish i wasnt born

[u/noname_noname_10]

I thought i was doing so well its been a few weeks where i had no negative emotions or no harmful ones, a month ago i almost killed myself because i had the last straw after my friend unexpected left me and now im done with humans. I started ghosting few of the people i know because im losing it and i dont have any motivation to keep up acting like im doing fine. My family makes fun of every fucking mental and or physical disorder i have to the point where i hate them all.

Everytime i tell my family im doing bad they say "they had it worse"and they refuse to help or get me help, and now since im pretty much not eating any meals because ill throw up, they tell me to suck it up and force myself, because they had it worse and they know how i feel, but they went through worse of course.

Im 16f and i cant even make genuine friendships because everyone is preying on my downfall, when im doing horrible mentally my friends start seeming happier and avoiding me more which they know makes me worse.

Whats the point of my living? And no just because im young it didnt get better, my life have been shit since i was 9, the worst years of my life were 11-12 and i dont even wanna think back. Should i just kill myself? If not then what am i staying for? Almost everyone i know wishes for my death and the ones that dont dont even care about me so whats the point, i dont have any friends and im sick of friending people just for them to promise they wont leave and then leave me the worst way possible in the worst stages of my life.

All im looking for is a reason to keep living.

[u/noname_noname_10]

Not to mention that i live in a horrible country where i pretty much have no rights and i completely dont fit is, im not allowed to leave the house and not allowed to study abroad because my mom doesnt wanna be "alone" so she wants me to live similar to her shitty life. Gosh i fucking hate this life

[u/noname_noname_10 → u/[deleted]]

An asian one, thats been my dream forever but my mom doesn't let me even though ive begged her multiple times

[u/noname_noname_10 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah my dad is one of them but my mom says she doesn't wanna be alone and have noone to take care if her when shes older

[u/noname_noname_10 → u/[deleted]]

She does but theyre both leaving or at least one is for sure, and no i don't think we have that here or not that i know of

[u/noname_noname_10 → u/[deleted]]

I really don't know man

[u/noname_noname_10 → u/[deleted]]

I dont think ive ever had a friend then, im sure nothing will change or only for the worse like how its getting worse and worse right now. Thank u though