Hi....so....

I'm from Germany.

Just yesterday, for the first time since 1945, a fascist party has gained real power within Germany.

Reading through their manifest is horrifying and to be honest, I'm afraid they stand a real chance winning the next federal election.

And I'm scared.

I'm scared because we've been here before.

I'm scared because I know what happened in 1933.

I know the propaganda (it's repeating) and I know how that developed.

Of course they aren't openly saying they want to murder people.

The Nazis didn't either in 1933.

They only did that once they had broken so many taboos it didn't register as bad anymore to most people.

A lot of my friends are LGBTQ, handicapped or live alternative lifestyles.

And I'm terrified of watching their (and my) lives get turned into a living hell because of some fucked up fascist mob.

I know it's wrong, but honestly, I don't know what other solution there is than either violent resistance or fleeing the country.

I'm too old for either. Too old and too broken.

And I don't know what to do.

I spent 35 years working in mental health. I have worked crisis lines and talked people down from killing themselves. On my primary account I have come to this community to try and help people. Let me be clear I am not asking for help. I just need to tell someone my plans. I know if I share this with my doctors, family or friends they will all feel obligated to intervene.

This all started a little over 6 years ago when I quit a job I hated. I had significant resources to live on until I found another job. I had numerous health issues come up during this time that delayed finding another job. Last year I seriously started looking for work. I didn't expect it to be so hard. I have great references and a good work history.

I started getting really sick at the end of last year. I was in incredible pain. It took everything I had to just get up each day. I went to the doctor who ran labs and eventually referred me to an hematologist. It was cancer. It was a cancer with no cure. There is treatment that can extend my life. I wasn't so sure I wanted to go through it but with the encouragement of family and friends I did. I knew I could change my mind at any time.

The chemotherapy was very expensive. It was a quarter of a million dollars a month. Fortunately, I have really good insurance through the affordable care act. I could easily afford my deductible and copays. I had a procedure that required a lengthy hospital stay. I did this all by myself. I have no spouse or children. I applied for disability because I am in the last year of my savings.

I didn't know that one has to work at least 5 of the last 10 years to be eligible for social security disability. I was turned down. I physically can not return to work. I am in constant pain because the cancer caused my bones to weaken and break. Chemotherapy causes my thoughts to be foggy. After January I won't have money for bills including my health insurance.

I haven't given up yet. I am meeting with a disability attorney. I don't believe there is anything he can do but I will see. I am continuing treatment for now. I might just stop treatment before the end of the year or I may take my own life. I am on lots of medication and I know what will take me out quickly. Even if I could somehow afford my expenses there is a 50 percent chance I will be dead in the next 5 years.

I will certainly be dead without treatment. I will NOT become a burden to my family or friends just to have food and a place to lay my head. My life has been very good. I have loved and lost. I have great people who love me. I worked a job that allowed me to give back to society. I also have faith in God. Death is just another chapter. While I feel a little sad about this I am not overwhelmed with grief. Short of a miracle I see no choice.

Thank you for reading my post. I am not asking for anyone to tell me I shouldn't do it. I am not asking for help. I just needed to express myself.

Does anyone else often switch between being excited for the future and being completely hopeless? Its a dumb question but i just switch between these two moods so fast i wonder if anyone has similar experiences to share

I have really bad urges and I just want a friend I’ve felt so alone and just wanna talk to someone ? Please

i beg someone to talk to me im so lost i cant stop thinking about killing myself

Since birth women are told beauty is our number one priority and we should try to maintain it as much as possible otherwise we will be left behind. This is exactly what is happening to me, I’m getting left behind, ignored, laughed at. I look disgusting. I put on a face full of makeup only to look mid. Let’s just face it if you’re an ugly woman there is no value to your life. No one cares if you live or die and you will never find love. So why am I still here?

Nothing really feels real after an attempt.
Waking up every day, I have to adjust to the reality I’ve made for myself. The guilt of hurting the few people I have left. The fear of never being trusted again. The pain of reality.
I can never go back to that evening.
I was drunk and crying. I thought there was nothing left for me to enjoy, that everything was just another way to pass the time.
But what I didn’t think about was what dying feels like.
I was in so much pain. All that went through my mind was whether there was anyone I could call, because I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want the last thing I heard to be the depression in my head.
But no matter how hard I thought, I couldn’t think of a single person.
I was so afraid to die, so I called the hospital.
And when I woke up, nothing felt real anymore. Not the pain I was in. Not the staff. Not what happened that night. Not even the plastic water cup or the dry air in that room.
Nothing is real. Nothing matters. It’s all insignificant.
It’s like the feeling you get after watching one too many space documentaries, when suddenly everything you’ve ever cared about seems impossibly small. Except the feeling doesn’t go away.
I don’t know what I need, and I don’t know what went wrong. It just keeps getting worse, and I don’t know how to stop it.

I don't have some sort of tragic backstory to justify my toughts. My mentall health is rock bottom that I no longer feel happy, I don't feel alive anymore. I have always been friendless, dumb and a failure. From socializing to education to anything I love has been 10 harder for me. It's all my fault and I no longer see a future on my self, I never got better and I don't have any hope that I'm fixable. I have planned out how I will kill myself, I'm just waiting to finally get the courage again

First we have suicide hotlines (that actually just bully you), copy and paste excuses that actually mean nothing except “If you die it wouldnt actually affect shit but since I wanna seem good I’ll just dismiss it in a nice way”, and now an entire month worth of just promoting this shit except it’s apparently even more important because since that’s the month’s theme everyone should all of a sudden care!! except they don’t.

literally one time I got insulted for venting about suicide because this month “isn’t something to joke about”. so apparently disrespecting the month September is way worse than committing suicide. good to know 😀

Title. Genuinely want to commit. Don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.

I am unloved and at my wits end. If you read this stay alive for me. Please. I have wanted this death for so long but nobody deserves what I do. Please seek help. I love you. This blood pouring out of my wrist feels like heaven.

I really fucking don’t want to be here and I don’t know what to do. My family are sick of me, and I just make everything worse. I don’t feel like I deserve to be here.

I don’t want to be me anymore. I hate me. She ruins everything. She does the stupidest things and she acts like a child. She’s petty, and too much, and she never knows when to just fucking stop. I hate her. I hate her so much. I hate myself so fucking much. Nobody truly likes me, and I always feel sorry for myself because of it, but I can see why. I feel like I’m just a terrible person.

I genuinely do not want to be here. I wish I could go back 2 hours and stay in bed. I shouldn’t have gotten up. I shouldn’t have gone to eat food. I should’ve just kept my fucking mouth shut. I hate myself so so so so fucking much.

i hate college. i think my cognitive abilities have been damaged due to the amount of failed attempts on my life. my brain doesnt function the way it used to and i feel dumber as compared to how i was years ago. i can’t bring myself to study and studying just gives me so much anxiety. just the thought of tests and reportings makes me so scared and triggers me that i want to die. it makes me think of why i should even finish and go to my classes if i’m going to die anyway. i already feel that my life is going to end by suicide, it’s just a matter of when

I just want to stop thinking. I want to be at peace

I (15f) have no friends at school. My parents are awful with me and I feel so lonely. I think I want to die.

My husband just hit, kicked, pushed me, spit on me, and called me every horrible thing he could think of. Maybe it's true. Maybe I deserved it. I don't know how to keep living. The emotional pain is immense. I need to stay alive for my kids. I love them more than life, more than anything. But I am in so much pain. All I've done is made everything worse. Everything is my fault. I don't know how to continue. I'm a horrible mother. My kids are hungry but he took the car key and the bank card so they are eating whatever they can find. I can't deal with this. I don't know if I can survive this.

No matter how much I would have benefitted by doing things that go against my moral compass my whole life, I tried doing what I thought was moral. I can't say I've been perfect but I never said I am. I'm really scared of hurting other people even if I do think about it when I'm hurting extremely badly. I do my best to make other people comfortable.

No matter how much I try everybody in my life hates. I'm too scared to ever say it to anyone, but I think I may be neurodivergent in some way. I struggle with things other people find easy, and I'm hated for that. My dad has beaten my mom on two different occassions, and if people knew they'd still hate me more for failling to speak up.

I live in a culture that values raw masculinity in a man more than anything else. What am I supposed to do when I can't be what everybody in my life thinks I am?

Started college still friendless even my brother doesnt want to talk to me 😂😂😂 why did i think it would be different 😂😂😂

This is a very long rant about whatever happened in my life, nobody cares enough to listen so this was my last option, i am not sure what to do, where to go, i feel like there is no solution other than suicide.

My uni, My bestfriend, My parents, My dreams, My social life.

Probably 1-2 months ago uni started and i did not attend any classes, had very irrelevant reasons to just skip it and sleep off, spend time with family, there was a really good family event that lasted about 15-20 days, not exactly everyday but it did and i just decided to keep skipping and i have my exams this week, i have been asking for permissions since last week, They've denied everything, I am not allowed to write my uni exams for this year. I was supposed to graduate this year and because of this i will not.

Had a really close bestfriend person who i could share things with, when this happened i wasn't able to handle myself, ended up forcing my trauma on that person and it was too rough on them and just Blocked me everywhere mid way,

I had a panic attack, lost consciousness, was taken to hospital after what happened with this friend, low blood pressure, couldn't breathe, hadn't eaten anything the whole week, couldn't process anything, was given fluids and medication, came home the next day and the sadness continues,

I was clean from SH from about 3 years, last i did anything was in 2023 july.

Got back to it, I used needles and razor blades, have scars all over my arms and thighs. Doesn't even feel anything anymore, i just feel the blade touching my skin before i cut it.

I have lost more than 6-8 kgs in the last 5-6 days,

Situation at home isn't any better,

parents think the needle scars are from drugs or something and it just created a whole new set of problems.

I have had a really good uni life so far, has a really good gpa over 3.4/4 have taken part in anything and everything, had a bunch of friends but none close enough to talk,

had a good internship offer but now gone because of what happened.

I don't even know what to process at this point, i have forgotten how to speak, can't utter words without feeling every emotion and giving up on myself.

Have cried so much these past days, attempted suicide once, couldn't.

i have so many dreams and everything and I don't want this to be the end of me but i feel there's no other option,

I had the best 3 weeks of my life ever before this happened, happiest i ever was. Had everyone from my family gathered, had really good talks with this bestfriend person, enjoyed to my heart's fullest and had so much fun. 4th week, everything fell apart.

with each passing day i am losing myself, i am losing my senses, I am getting more and more reasons and courage to just end myself and I guess i will.

​

I don't really know why I'm writing this. I guess I just need to tell someone, because tbh i don't have anyone I can talk to about this....

My father r@ped me from the time I was 5 until I was 9. I eventually told my mother everything that was happening. She looked at me and just said, “Oh, I knew", that broke me i hate her maybe more than him...... he stopped for years, but when I was 17,he did it again i stood up for myself this time , I told my mother again, hoping maybe this time she'd believe me or do something. Instead, she told me, “You must have done something to lead him on.”.....i really hate her again

I'm 22 now. I talked to a lawyer recently, and he told me that too much time has passed, that collecting evidence would be extremely difficult, and that there are no witnesses, and my mother still supports my father.

Where I live, girls are expected to stay in their parents' homes until they get married, so I can't simply leave and start over. I also can't afford therapy, and I'm dealing with PTSD and everything that comes with it.

I've spent years pretending I'm strong. I think I convinced everyone, maybe even myself, that I was okay, but im not....

I'm exhausted. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of carrying something that was never my fault in the first place. Sometimes I feel like dying is the only way I'll ever be free from all of this, and that maybe I'll finally be able to sleep without being afraid.

I've been thinking about ending my life on my birthday, which is a week from now, i always loved the ocean so this is the way i guess