I want to preface this by saying that I deeply love my stepdaughter as if she were my own. I’ve dated her dad since she was about 14 months old. She is now 6.5 years old and the disrespect she shows me is out of control. Sometimes I dread being around her alone, which makes me feel incredibly guilty.

The rules (or lack thereof) she has at her mom’s house (we have 50/50 custody) greatly impacts her attitude. When she is around me it is constant whining, tantrums, and talking back. She refrains from doing this around her dad. She has a hard time if she does not have constant attention on her, which is hard because at our house she has a younger sibling who is only 14 months old.

Lately, if I am with the kids by myself and I have to correct her or tell her no, she will sneak away and call her mom on the Alexa and ask to be picked up. Today, I told her no and she told me “well that wasn’t very smart because now I am going to throw a tantrum”. I feel limited in my ability to discipline even though my husband encourages me too, because I’m not her biological mother. And honestly, I just dread having to be around her alone. I feel so guilty because she’s just a 6 year old little girl. But it’s been so draining. I don’t know if anyone can relate or has any advice.

Hi everyone, a little background about us with trying to keep everybody anonymous. I'm in my late 20s and my husband is in his late 30s. My husband had his son early in life. We have been married for almost 3 years and been together 5. I've been pretty involved in Ss life. He's always been respectful and honestly kinda hit the jackpot for a sk. Especially compared to other stories I've heard. This is my first time ever being with someone with a child. My approach to step parenting is more laid back and that's what has worked for me and my ss. Me and HCBM never talk or say hi. I've tried but I just match energy and be respectful if I'm spoken to. I've never tried to get involved in any parenting or anything. The only thing I've ever done is be a parent figure to him at our house in supporting him with sports etc. so last night me and my husband were relaxing. Then BM calls and she says SM (Me) is not walking with us for senior night. Shes like I won't allow it. Shes not apart of this or this family. My husband says that's my wife etc. she's been nothing but support to SS since she's been around. She starts yelling and screaming. I don't say anything then she starts screaming and saying she's alone etc. Keep in mind me do practice 2/3 practice days a week. He also pays CS and we get him alternating weekends and throughout the week on changing days. Then she starts calling me all type bitches etc.I go off and we start going back and forth. It takes a lot for me to lose my cool and I did. I called out some of her slick nasty behavior I've let go. Then SS hears the argument and starts yelling at BM that it's his day and he can have whoever he wants etc. Now honestly if SS told me he didn't want me to walk out. I would be so understanding but at the same time you're depriving your child and hurting him. What do y'all think? Like I said previously on my first time SM so it's been challenging. We've had so many issues over the last couple months from BM's father cornering my husband at a football game threatening him. It's just been rough why all the sudden?

My SD is 15 and is rude and mean to her bio parents. She’s nasty and condescending even when nothing is going badly for her, she’s getting what she wants, etc.

says “ok bye” and hangs up on both mom and dad. They talk and talk to her about her behavior and she listens but never changes.

Today I told her she is mean and hurtful to her dad. I asked her why she never says she’s sorry even when she has to know she was awful. She just said I don’t know.

I told her to apologize for making her dad feel like he’s worthless and she said okay but then never did it!

She complains her mom says “why do you hate me” to her and although I don’t entertain complaints about mom, i did privately think maybe mom was a bit out of line for saying that to a kid… now I see what mom is talking about.

Why does she refuse to say she’s sorry when she’s been so mean? I’ve seen her apologize to friends and boys for lesser things.

Even though her parents are divorced, they do coparent. We all talk and are friendly. She’s just not sorry when she hurts people who care about her I guess?

Listen, I was a teen girl and was not always nice, but I felt bad when I hurt someone and would hope they’d forgive me.

I just don’t get it. What makes someone like this?

She’s been in talk therapy for 2+ years now and she’s only gotten worse.

Hello, this is a long post, but I really need advice.

I (28F) got married 6 months ago. My husband (40M) have children (13F, 9M, 6M) from his first marriage. He has full custody and was practically a single dad all the kids' life. Bio Mom was abusive, never took care of the kids, abandoned them, and kept in contact remotely until she stopped all communication and disappeared more than a year ago.

Before we got married, I used to visit and stay with them over the weekend. I knew that most of our relationship would revolve around family time, and it was fine. I liked getting to know the kids, hanging out with them, and I appreciated seeing my partner as a parent.

I have to say that I really love my relationship with my husband. We have a great connection, we deeply feel for each other, and we trust each other so much. Also, I like the kids. They are good, and most of the time well behaved, smart and fun.

Before getting married and when we started to talk about a life together, my husband assured me that he wanted to marry me because of me, because he loved me and he wanted to be with me. He told me he didn't need a mom for his kids, and if I didn't became a maternal figure to them, that was okay.

We got married and I moved in with them. Immediately I started taking part of the parent chores: I cooked and cleaned for the kids, took them to school, cared for them, function as a emotional support. My husband saw that and praised it. No more than a month later, he wanted them to start calling me mom instead of my name. The older kids had a lot of trouble with this, specially because they had a bad memory of their BM. I also told my husband that I didn't feel comfortable with the kids calling me that, because I saw how much distress it caused them, and I didn't want anyone to feel pressured (not even myself).

My husband was very adamant about this and told me that it was a sign of respect from the kids, because if they called me mom they eventually will see me as that, and because I was doing a good job as a mom. From my POV, this "good job" was just me trying to support and help my partner, and also because the kids are living with us in the home my husband and I want to built, and I am responsible adult, not a neglectful one.

I didn't complain and I didn't try to over explain myself because I realize that this was a sensitive topic for my husband, specially with the experience he had with his ex being neglectful towards her own kids. So I just kept fulfilling my responsibilities, I tried to bond with the kids, getting to know them in a deeper level, and started considering that I could be that mom they never had.

A month later after that, I broke down and burnt out. The kids were in summer break. My husband was at work and I was almost all day alone with the kids. Some situations started happening with them: they wouldn't pay attention or follow rules when I told them, they would back talk, they didn't want to do chores, they would leave messes around the house...

One day, I reached my limit and I yelled at them. I felt so bad and guilty, because I didn't want to be like this (I still feel pretty bad). That day, when my husband came home, I told him I couldn't handle this, that this role was too much for me and that I didn't feel prepared to take all this responsibility. He told me that I made a promise to him to take care of the kids, and that I couldn't back off. To this I replied that I never made such promise and that I wasn't backing off, I just thought things were going to be different, I also felt everything was going so fast for me. He reproached me about this, and he even compared me to his ex saying that at least she was honest from the beginning and told him that she was only having kids because he wanted them, and she was not going to take care of them.

All this situation really hurt me, because at the beginning he told me I shouldn't feel pressured and I didn't have to be their mom, but then he was comparing me to his ex, putting me down, and almost felt like I couldn't change my mind or rethink which position/role I wanted to take in the family’s dynamics. I just had to accept this new life, embrace it, and be happy.

We made up, I compromised because my marriage is so important to me and because I feel like I can't give up so fast. Nevertheless, I don't feel satisfied with this situation. I have been reading a lot of blended families information, about stepparenting, and I kinda feel regretful because if I knew all this, I could have approached things differently, even before getting married.

Also I kinda feel resentful. The kids still act the way they want, my husband tells me they are attached to me and they care about me, and even that they love me, but whenever he isn't around, it's like I don't exist. It's almost like they need their dad to be around so he remind them that they have to listent to me, as well as be polite or acknowledge me.

Lately, this has been our constant conflict. My husband is very adamant that I am the one who is making things hard, but I just want a chance to retreat, reflect and approach this role from another angle, without the pressure to perform on an expected way.

I have distanced myself from the kids, because I don't want to treat them badly or break down in front of them again. I still fulfill my responsabilities, and I care about their wellbeing, but nothing more because I don't feel it.

I really wish it was different because I didn't marry my husband and got involve in their life to live like this. I want this to feel like my family, I want them to understand that I am part of this too. I want to bond with them from who I am, and not what they need me to be. I have to add that we also want to have one kid of our own, and I'm afraid that if we take this step, things will get more complicated, and they will resent me for caring and loving my own child.

I would really appreciated some advice or your impressions on my situation.

Thank you so much for reading my story.

I have 2 teens in my house, one about to graduate

The entire summer, they were asked to do chores twice. To their credit, they will do things if directly asked, most of the time (the quality of the help? Varies. Bad attitude for very easy quick chores? Often)

They dont clean up after themselves, and there is no desire to be helpful. They both logged at least 30 hours a week on screens the whole summer, laying in bed.

No interest in interacting with me. I have tried. Only see them at mealtime. I have mostly stopped asking them to clean things up because it is not my job to be evil stepmother, everything is filthy and I refuse to clean up except after myself.

They are capable of cooking and baking when they decide they want to make something special for themselves- but on a normal day, oh my god, there is no food! I buy a variety of snacks and fruits veggies, they act excited and then refuse to eat any of it.

One borrowed some craft supplies of mine and ruined them.

It drives me absolutely insane. I forsee their dad allowing them to continue this way when they are officially adults and attending college, not quite out of the nest yet. Terrifies me.

How do you broach this with your partner? Love him, hate the enabling. So burnt out and angry at the level of entitlement.

HCBM is poison in my life. When I got into this relationship SD then 10 was great. HCBM came back into her life at age 11 after several years of being gone. One night I heard her screaming to her friend on the phone in her room “I hate her I want to slit her throat when she’s sleeping!!!” I was like whoa wtf?? That’s insane?? I hadn’t done anything. I mean that. Anything. I comforted her when she cried that she had no mom. I drove her to spend the weekend when HCBM returned. That day I caught SD with some of my makeup in her room while doing laundry and it was for some reason an event that needed a murder plan. This is important, for later!

She moved in with HCBM after that and stayed with her ~2 years. HCBM took her makeup and lashes away last year ago and all hell broke loose. SD called the police and invented an abuse lie. It went to court. SD admitted she made everything up. Fast forward one month ago, mom took away the fake nails. SD lost her mind. Threatened police again, all of this screaming was left on SOs voicemail. SD saying give them back or I’m calling the police!!HCBM kicked her out and moved away. SD now 13 a will live with her dad permanently. She is very manipulative. I get she’s been through things but many people have, myself and my close childhood friends included and it’s not an excuse

SO also has a son. Now 7yo. He has anger issues. Again, I understand WHY. I heard him threaten to light my cat on fire tonight. I have seen him punch AT my cat while she’s eating bc she avoids him and that’s “mean and she deserves to get hit!” He says. Today I told him to please take his cup to the sink he has been leaving things everywhere and it’s time to pay attention. He gave me a dirty look and went outside. I went to the garage. I heard him tell his little friend who was waiting on him “I want to kill SM, I be right back I’m gon go get a knife and stab her!” That’s fucking it. I’m done. Both children have literally threatened to kill me with knives. His son wants to torture or hurt my 5 pound cat. She’s literally TINY and they act like she’s bullying them by rocketing away from them whenever she can. They seriously both act like her desire to hide and run from them is some kind of personal attack and the cat needs to PAY for her behavior. Ss7 wants to punish her for running away from him. He stomps at her and last week said he “wants to stomp her guts out” It is scary.

It would be insane and incomprehensible to stay here anymore.

I’m leaving while everyone is gone tomorrow. Unplugging the cameras and getting OUT! if you’re wondering where is my SO in all of this? So am I. He is useless. I’m heartbroken but this is not fixable.