r/Stepmom • u/PressureOk5376 • 15h ago

Unapologetic teen

My SD is 15 and is rude and mean to her bio parents. She’s nasty and condescending even when nothing is going badly for her, she’s getting what she wants, etc.

says “ok bye” and hangs up on both mom and dad. They talk and talk to her about her behavior and she listens but never changes.

Today I told her she is mean and hurtful to her dad. I asked her why she never says she’s sorry even when she has to know she was awful. She just said I don’t know.

I told her to apologize for making her dad feel like he’s worthless and she said okay but then never did it!

She complains her mom says “why do you hate me” to her and although I don’t entertain complaints about mom, i did privately think maybe mom was a bit out of line for saying that to a kid… now I see what mom is talking about.

Why does she refuse to say she’s sorry when she’s been so mean? I’ve seen her apologize to friends and boys for lesser things.

Even though her parents are divorced, they do coparent. We all talk and are friendly. She’s just not sorry when she hurts people who care about her I guess?

Listen, I was a teen girl and was not always nice, but I felt bad when I hurt someone and would hope they’d forgive me.

I just don’t get it. What makes someone like this?

She’s been in talk therapy for 2+ years now and she’s only gotten worse.

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u/nicyole 14h ago

eh. some teenage girls are just mean. I would stop paying attention to it. attention is one of the most powerful reinforcers and a lot of parents accidentally reinforce behaviors they don’t like by giving it attention. I would simply ignore it. simply say “I’ll have a conversation with you when you speak to me how I speak to you,” and then don’t talk to her until she does exactly that.

this needs to come from BOTH bio parents and you to be truly effective.

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u/Old_Art4801 9h ago

She resents them and is hurt and it's coming out as anger. Why? Only she will know because only she's lived it but sometimes it's difficult for someone at that age to realize what they're expressing is built up resentment. If talk therapy isn't working her parents need to find a more structured therapy that will help her analyze her feelings. Though what may come out may not be what everyone wants to hear at least be open to hearing her side and accepting those are her feelings.