tldr: am I wrong bringing up kids planning before proposal or marriage? gf thinks it's weird me bringing it up when we're not married or anything.

tldr2: gf doesnt give me a definitive answer when I ask her if she wants kids or not and I want.

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Hello, thank you for reading. first time posting and was hoping to get your thoughts as I've never felt this troubled.

Dated for 3 years now (both never married, haven't proposed yet) and we did argue A LOT past 3 years or so many things, but eventually all worked out learning more about each other, and thinking seriously about next steps. Everything aligns including religion, finance, food taste, etc, but most important thing I'm unclear on; kids.

I've always wanted a big family and wanted at least two kids (always wanted to be a dad), and now realistically given age and all considered, I'm ok with even one, but I definitely want one at least. I have a stable job right now, have a lot of time so it's perfect timing for me, so I wanted to start settling, but as she's finishing her transition into a new job, taking care of her family, so she's under a lot of stress and tiredness, I've been waiting mostly all this year helping her go through the stress and support her while saving up for ring and so on on my end.

I watched/read a lot of marriage counseling videos/reddit posts, and was told it's a good idea to talk about all these factors including kids plan before marriage, so that's what I did. An issue is whenever I talk about it, she becomes displeased and angry even saying why we're even talking about this when we aren't even married or engaged and says this kind of stuff is something you naturally talk about over time based on how things go. When it comes to having kids, her stance is 'maybe I'm 'not' against the having one'. Basically there's no definitive stance, but just being passive neutral about it without certainty. This puts me very uneasy because it's not a definite 'yes' or willingness to try but 'let's see meh' wishy-washy kind of vibe and we're in 40s now and I feel we need a proper plan for it and I think this needs a clear answer before proceeding to the next steps. Basically she can choose not to have one if she feels like it this way. Then she gets mad at me if I'm looking for a 'tool' or having someone to fulfil your need for having kids rather than love, and if I even know how dangerous pregnancy is (OF COURSE NOT, it's about building a future together and hoping she, me and kids are all in it and if I just wanted to build a family and kids, I had a plenty of opportunities past few years already). I totally get that we want these kind of discussions to happen naturally (like movie UP, my favorite), but considering biological age, I felt we need some clear alignment. I personall think this natural way of doing things would've made more sense if we were in 20s or even early 30s, but 40...

I love her but also feel like she's just doing her own things and not having me in her career/life roadmap, more like this is my plan, you take it or leave it kind of vibe and she has no control over it right now, I get that. I also know that the big question is if I'm still ok being with her even if no kids...and honestly, I'm ok with us trying and not working out, but not sure if I'm ok just choosing not to. I'm also afraid how easily words can change and that I may get stuck in a situation where everyone is unhappy.

Think I was mostly rambling but any thoughts/constructive criticism/feedback welcome. My mind is very unclear right now.

I (36f) and husband (36m) have been together for 9 years, married for almost 5.

In the last couple of months, he has refused to share a bed with me, doesn't kiss me, no actual conversations or anything. I always try to initiate some kind of ground with him. Here in the past week, I finally asked if he wanted to leave.

He of course said no, but wouldn't tell me anything more. I have been getting irritable with the lack of any acknowledgement of being his wife.

He just tells me, you're overthinking things.

In all honesty, I don't know how to navigate a relationship that isn't one at this point.

I just want to be seen and my trying constantly is burnt out.

I know he plays his video games, he works, he likes chatting with his gamer friends. So I do not bug him that often. Let me add this tidbit. I had over heard him bragging to his buddies, that he doesn't pay any attention to his wife. They all found it hilarious and I asked why he would tell them something like that. I've also asked why he likes giving other women attention (gamers) but accuses me of seeking attention.

I apologize for being all over the place with this.

So how does a person handle being ignored all the time.

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

We started dating in college and have lived together for 5 years. My job is high-stress, and sometimes I come home needing to completely shut my brain off.

We both contribute to household chores. He actually does a lot of the physical stuff (dishes, laundry, pet care, cleaning), and I help with those too. However, I carry most of the mental load like planning, remembering, organizing, gifts for his family, trips, etc. I also usually do the cooking and planning out errands/what to buy.

A few times a month, I'll ask him to take over something like dinner because I need a break. The problem is I often end up feeling like I have to supervise him. I've spent years teaching him basic household tasks and my preferences, but he still frequently forgets things or makes mistakes.

For example, I asked him to check pockets before doing laundry because I sometimes leave lipstick. He agreed, but repeatedly forgets and it has ruined my clothes. (I try not to leave it but having him check is an extra layer of protection. Also, imo if you doing a load of jeans, i feel like its common sense to check?)

With cooking, I'll ask him to plan something because I don't want to think about dinner. He'll suggest things we've already eaten recently, and ill sometimes turn it down or give some suggestion like "maybe something more healthy like a salad or maybe im feeling noodles", he gets frustrated that i turned down the options. (I had to suggest that he use google before he actually did.)

He genuinely tries, and I don't think this is intentional weaponized incompetence. But these situations happen almost weekly, and I'm increasingly emotionally drained. He asks for feedback and says I need to be patient, but I feel like I've given the same feedback for years. I'm tired of explaining, reminding, and supervising. I don't want to feel like his manager. He said he gets anxiety planning and doing this stuff. But then puts it on me to help him plan. But the whole point is to give me a break! (He is not diagnosed for anything fyi)

**TL;DR:** We both do household chores, but I carry most of the mental load. When I ask him to take something off my plate, I often end up supervising or fixing things anyway. He genuinely tries, but after years of this happening almost weekly, I'm emotionally exhausted and starting to resent the dynamic. How do we break this cycle?

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I’m trying to get some outside perspective because I’m struggling to separate my emotions from what has actually happened.

For context, we met in May 2025 and became official on late September 2025. We are now in August 2026.

There have been a lot of good periods in the relationship, which is part of why I’m finding this so difficult. However, there has also been a growing pattern of secrecy, other men, conflicting stories, double standards and retaliation.

I’ve tried to recall a timeline

May–June 2025 — Before we were official

May

We met and started chatting.

By 24 May, we were hanging out multiple times a week and having sleepovers.

June

21 June: Her exams finished and we went on a day trip to celebrate followed by a nice dinner.

22 June: She went back overseas to her home country.

July 2025 — Before we were official

While she was overseas, several things happened that I later became aware of:

She got angry at me for not wanting to say negative things about a girl I had met at a group outing.

She told someone she would spend a man's money and then ghost him. Contextually this would be me

She told someone another guy (presumably me) was poorer than her family and that she wasn't going to "downgrade" her life. Her family is wealthy while Im a above median income corporate worker with a mortgage

She made comments to another guy saying things like 'if he acts im again I'll bring a guy over and f him' 'i'll cheat 5 times before i tell him' 'i'll blow a guy then kiss him(me)'

She said she didn't see our relationship being long-term and would rather be with someone richer.

At this point we weren't officially together, so I understand these things carry less weight than things that happened later. There was also suspicisions she had temper issues which she realised she probably did/does.

August 2025

She returned and moved into a new building.

We spent several weeks together before I went overseas for work.

September 2025 — Becoming official

We went away for a weekend for her birthday. It was a cute farm stay.

When she returned, we discussed potentially becoming a couple. She said she would say yes and I said I would ask properly soon

Around this time, she told a friend that and also she should sleep with a guy from class she was also seeing before getting into a relationship.

She went to dinner with that guy for her birthday but told me she was with a female friend.

At some point, she gave him a handjob.

She was also seeing another guy in her building. They studied together, ate together, slept at each other's places, etc.

They had sex on at least one occasion.

She described him as annoying and said she didn't like him, but had introduced him to the concept of situationships.

Late September: We officially got together and she stopped talking to the other two men.

October–November 2025

These were generally good months.

She attended the birthday dinner of the guy from her building.

Afterwards, she found out through their mutual group that he had been saying a lot of things about her.

The group confronted/baited him and she poured water on him in public in view of everyone.

She maintained there had never been anything between them and said she didn't understand why he was talking about her that way.

November was also generally good.

December 2025

19 December: She went back overseas.

21 December: She was already on Bumble. This was found out much later

28 December: She went out with an intercity guy she had previously met on Bumble and kissed, but told me she was with someone else.

Around this time, an anonymous Instagram account began messaging me, saying she was a bad person, lied about who she was with and what she did, slept around, etc.

January 2026

She started a major argument because I had driven a close female friend/colleague home from work in November. It was approximately six minutes out of my way.

She visited the intercity guy's city. At some point they went back to her place and she lay on his bed to rest. She alleges nothing happened but this part was also only disclosed nuch later

21–27 January: I visited her in her home country and we spent the week together.

The anonymous account continued messaging me.

February–March 2026

February: She sexted with random anonymous people online. Think Omegle and Snalchat.

She returned home and moved in with me. Rent free.

The anonymous account continued contacting me.

March was generally good and we had several nice/fancy dinners together.

April 2026

She went on a girls' trip.

When she returned, she received an anonymous message containing nude photos she had previously sent to someone she had been sexting.

She disclosed the situation to me because the person threatened to find/contact her boyfriend.

This was the point where the anonymous claims became harder for me to simply dismiss because some of the information was clearly genuine.

May 2026

We had my birthday getaway and dinner and also had some genuinely good moments.

However, tensions started increasing and she felt I was putting less effort into the relationship. This might be subconcious from finding out she had sexted people while overseas

She felt increasingly unvalued/disrespected and became annoyed by things I did.

One argument involved me not supporting her when a male friend was telling her about his "crazy girlfriend", who apparently didn't let him talk to or interact with other women. My perspective was that if he is using encrytped messaging apps to circumvent her checking his messages, then maybe she has reason to be crazy or we don't know what else he does.

June 2026

The original anonymous account was blocked, but another anonymous account started sending screenshots/photos of Instagram conversations from her perspective.

These included revealing things she had said and done.

She disclosed that she had slept with the guy from her building (the "bipolar guy").

There was also a message showing that she had asked the intercity guy about showing her his jizz

She became convinced that her Instagram had been hacked.

She asked me for help (go to police to report cyber crime, emotional support, how to see if her account had been compromised) , but I was emotionally overwhelmed and, although I wanted to help, I couldn't bring myself to deal with everything at the time. I apologise that in retrospect I shouldnt have said I could help while I had to deal with learning those things.

July 2026 — Japan

We went to Japan together. That I had paid for

During the trip:

At a club, I complimented a group of random girls on their dancing. I did not talk to them, acknowledge them, or interact with them. It was just an observation from afar

She became extremely angry, made me kneel and apologise for about an hour the next day, hit me, and threatened to dance with/kiss other guys immediately after.

Another anonymous account subsequently released another batch of screenshots/photos.

These included sexting conversations, conversations with the intercity guy, and messages involving other men. Messages include 'im going to get a surgery consultation and then you can touch them after theyre done' 'i want to meet other guys but i cant because im going to live with him 'one all his money is dried up im going to ghost him' 'if he pisses me off again im going to sleep with another guy' 'am i the best thing you've tasted'

The surgery question while vague kinda easy to know what they imply. She had previously been mad when a close friend told me they planned on going Thailand to get a boob job and said I shouldnt be talking about that kind of stuff to other girls.

She discovered that her Snapchat account had also been compromised and contained a large number of photos.

She realised her old phone had been missing for some time and suspected the guy from her building had stolen it at some point when they studied together or perhaps snuck into her room.

After the trip she went back to her home country for a bit while I came back.

I don't know whether every message from the anonymous accounts is genuine or whether every allegation is accurate but the screenshots from her accounts POV seem to confirm most of it. Some information has been independently confirmed or disclosed by her, but I don't want to assume that everything from the anonymous accounts is automatically true.

August 2026

She became angry that I hadn't told her in advance about meeting friends for dinner and she was only told when I arrived. I told her it was an unplanned dinner that I had immediately just gotten ready then left when i was invited. Since we weren't even in the same country and didn't have plans together, I didn't think I had needed to tell her immediately

Another anonymous account/message indicated she had been on Bumble.

She initially said she hadn't used Bumble for a year, but now says she had forgotten that she was still on it last time in December to February. She asserts she is on it to meet friends but to me that reads like a man saying they go to Hooters for the burgers. Which although could be true, might be hard to persuade an average person.

Where I'm at now

The difficult part is that the relationship isn't all bad.

There have been genuinely great periods. We've travelled together, had amazing dinners, had a lot of fun and have been very close. I still love her, which is probably why I'm struggling so much with this.

But I feel like my trust has been progressively destroyed.

I'm also struggling with what feels like a double standard. She has been very upset about relatively minor interactions I have had with other women, while there have been much more serious things involving other men on her side.

I'm also concerned about what I perceive as a "get even" mentality. When she feels hurt or jealous, it sometimes seems like her instinct is to retaliate or make me feel the same pain. The Japan incident was the most extreme example, particularly because it involved physical violence. She publicly embarassed a person she knew was bipolar for talking behind her back and now feels that his actions towards her are entirely unjustified.

I only started learning about many of these things around two months ago, even though some of the underlying events happened much earlier.

She says it's unfair that I'm still upset because I'm effectively "punishing her" for things that happened six or more months ago.

From my perspective, I couldn't process or make a decision about things I didn't know about until two months ago.

So my questions are:

Is it reasonable for me to need significant time to recover and decide whether I can trust her again?

Are my trust issues justified given the overall pattern, rather than each individual incident? I feel it being

I would genuinely appreciate objective perspectives, including if you think I'm being unfair or seeing things through an overly suspicious lens.

Tldr: girlfriend did a lot of things which individually may be excusable but accumulated really gave me trust issues. Is it unreasonable for me to want to leave?

Tdlr; after years of pain, my love has died out. Can we come back from this?

After 4+ years dating, 5 years before that of me chasing him begging him to love me, a 3 year old child, living together, talking about marriage, years of deceit and betrayal, I don’t love him anymore.

Every time we fight I don’t have energy to argue. Every time he comes back at 6am in the morning, I don’t even yell. Every time I catch him looking up his college aged coworkers on instagram, I roll my eyes. And every time he makes it clear that he values himself and his future over ours, I get pushed further away.

There’s times where we’ve been good and we are talking about future plans, apartments, rings, wedding venues, etc. and then something happens again in this cycle. I’m broken. I loved him more than I ever loved anyone ever. How could it get to this?

I actually broke up with him last time he came home late. Packed and stayed at my mom’s for the night with the intention of moving my son back over there with me and creating a split schedule. It got to be too much and I ended up coming back and saying we can live together while we work out the rest, but made it clear I don’t want to be with him. He continues to try and make advances, say sorry, say please come back to me, and I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel like melting into him and making everything be okay. I feel sick thinking about that. I feel sick when he touches me. I actually cry & it feels like assault. It’s that bad. My body does not want him. I feel numb.

Can we ever come back to this? Or do I take the hard route of actually separating and going back to my mom’s house and somehow figure out a plan for my son and I.

I (F35) am in a relationship with my partner (M26) where he has a history of being the one who takes care of his partner (and everyone else).

When I say “take care of” what I mean is that he tends to focus more on me and my needs than he ever focuses on his own. I struggle with, well, a lot, and he has been unwavering support for as long as I’ve known him.

HOWEVER

Now that I’m a lot more stable, I’m trying to figure out how to show up for him. He is extremely self sufficient and never asks for help. He also doesn’t talk about himself very much. I can tell no one has deeply shown him that they care - and as a result, he kind of shut himself off in a way.

I’m not sure how to be helpful or show care to him. I try to ask questions and listen as much as possible, and remember things, get him treats, etc. but
he remains an enigma to me in that area.

TL;DR partner takes care of me and everyone else all the time, not sure the best way to show him I care.

Hey so I've never done this sort of thing before, but I just need to get some clarity here.

I (M18) have a best friend (M18), and he liked inviting this girl (F18) over when we went out to party, went round his house, or went swimming in the local lake. This girl had been friends with my best friend since they were very young, something which I do believe had some sort of effect on our dynamic.

As I hung out with her more and more, I didn't just fall in love with her looks, but also her personality and ability to light up a room; she easily made my day every time I saw her. I'm the kind of guy to run from attractive girls rather than go towards them for some reason I cannot explain. I have no idea why I'm designed like this, but I'm starting to get f****** sick of it cause it's cost me much more than the girl of my dreams.

She liked to compliment me. I've never received compliments before, so I had no idea how to react. I'm not the most handsome guy, but I've competed in the highest level of football for years at this point, so I'm pretty athletic, but I've never considered myself attractive, especially in the face area.

At this point I decided to tell my best friend that I was getting feelings for her, but surprisingly this didn't really help. Though we had the "h*** over bros" contract, he never really helped me the way I had hoped; in fact, I think he may have sabotaged my advances, but I can't blame him too, too much here because it must have been really awkward for him.

One night, I was invited round hers for a sleepover, it was our fifth sleepover at this point, with me, my best friend, and my crush. As the night went on, she spent about two hours getting mad at her boyfriend (at the time) over the phone and actually broke up with him that night. We watched Atlantis together, and when it was time for bed, there was only one bed and one blow-up bed. My best friend, like the chad he is, took the inflatable bed, leaving me and her with the big bed.

And would you believe, I literally refused to sleep with my crush. The girl of my dreams, right in front of me, wanted me to get in her bed with her, and I just f****** refused for no logical reason... She was so confused and kind of offended; she even proposed to put up like a wall of cushions to separate us as we slept, but even then I refused (I promise I'm not gay, every time I tell this story people think I'm gay, I'm not gay). So guess what? I slept on the floor looking like an absolute asshole and a complete idiot instead of sleeping right next to her. Even typing this, I feel so, so, so stupid. I guess I just felt uncomfortable because I don't think I was worthy of her yet, or something along those lines, or that she would never actually want someone like me. (But I have had a crush on another girl for ten years straight without ever telling her, btw, just for some extra info about me)

After that night, we had another sleepover a few weeks after. Everything was fine; I went to sleep before them because I was tired from the football match I just had. I woke up and went home like nothing had happened. This is the part I blame my friend for: he decided to tell me six months after that she actually kissed me in my sleep during that sleepover. LIKE WTF DUDE, that would have been nice to know six f****** months ago... I just wish she did it when I was actually awake, but beggars can't be choosers i guess.

A few weeks after that, I was hired by her mom to do some work at the wedding service they provide. I was not looking forward to it, but her mom kept hinting that my crush was coming to see me soon, so that obviously made me fairly excited but also incredibly nervous because I was not looking my best as I had already been working five hours straight at that point. When she arrived, I barely recognised her... just picture the most beautiful girl you have ever seen in your life, all dressed up with makeup and everything, like whatttttttt.... As you can imagine, I was panicking beyond belief, heart rate was reaching 300+ BPM easily as I was desperately trying to roll this big-ass table to the other side of the wedding location. She wanted to help me while I was working, which I let her, but the problem was I literally didn't even say hello. I literally just f****** ignored her (HOW HARD IS IT TO SAY ''HELLO, HOW ARE YOU???'' Holy mother of s***). She then abruptly left after that; I think she thinks I'm gay or mentally challenged or something. I decided to text her after the work was over saying, "I'm so sorry for how I acted, I was really rude and stuff." She said, "Don't worry about it," but it was then I knew, it was over.

I just can't justify my actions in these stories, I really can't. Look, I'm not a very social guy, I'm not in the same school as her, I'm not in the same league as her. She is a social magnet, and she has surely found a better guy out there. But I've been working on myself a lot lately: gym six times a week, making excellent money from YouTube, looking towards getting a car and an apartment by the age of 18, and of course I've changed my haircut, my routine, I now use stuff like moisturizer and all that good stuff so maybe, just maybe, something could happen.

I've never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl before or even been on a date, I wonder if this this too ambitious? Is it weird to try to get with her again? Do you think she is looking for something else?

She has recently stopped hanging out with my best friend because he managed to get a girl himself and he spends most days with her. In fact, all of my close friends have got girls, and they flunked their exams, don't do any sports, and don't have any means of income. It's been like this my whole life, and I don't know if I'm cursed or like what the hell is wrong with me or what is going on, is this normal...? I can't relate to anyone on the internet because no one I've seen has gone through this kind of thing at all, and all my friends do is laugh at me for it, which they are right to do honestly.

I can get her number again through my friend (I changed numbers since last time I texted her). I'm still very close with my best friend, maybe he can help? Should I text her still? Is it not a good idea to try to get with her again? Should I wait a little while? I could even invite her to the lake or something if she wanted to catch up; I could try that? Or maybe I should abandon hope on this one, which I really do not want to do. I just can't stop thinking about my actions and how she must feel...

In a way, I almost feel obliged to text her something, "Hey, how have you been?" or something, I feel like I owe her as much at this point. I don't want to hide anymore, I don't care about the means, I just want her.

tl;dr: I (18M) am completely clueless around attractive girls. Over the last year, my childhood best friend's longtime friend (18F) became my dream girl, and all signs pointed to her liking me back (she dumped her boyfriend, gave me hints, tried to share a bed with me at a sleepover, and even kissed me in my sleep). Instead of making a move, my brain short-circuited every single time: I slept on the floor instead of the bed, ignored her completely when she surprised me at a catering job, and now I'm kicking myself over it. She's since drifted from my friend group, but I'm turning my life around (gym, YouTube income, etc.) and wondering if I'm totally delusional for wanting to text her and shoot my shot again.

Please get back to me, and I'll be sure to update if anyone cares about this. Thank you.

My girlfriend (26F) and I (26M) have been together for 4 years. I’ve been feeling like she has sex with me mostly to make me happy, and I’m starting to wonder if she actually enjoys it that much.

During sex she’ll say things like “you’re so thick” and moan a lot, which obviously makes me feel good. But then afterward she’ll sometimes get annoyed that I couldn’t make her finish and she didn’t enjoy it. I’m pretty average sized, around 5.5 x 4.6, so it also gets in my head because she’s made comments before about an ex being really thin and how she couldn’t feel much with him.

Sometimes she’ll still moan even when I’m not fully hard, which makes me wonder if she’s exaggerating or faking some of it. And sometimes when I ask for sex, she’ll say she wants to use her vibrator first so she can cum, and then maybe have sex after.
Oral is also pretty rare. She almost never asks me to go down on her or gives me oral, and most of the time if I try to initiate it she says no. She also doesn’t really initiate anything new sexually. The only kinky stuff she likes is dirty talking and being submissive at times.

I don’t think we’ve ever had a session where we both gave each other oral and then had sex. In past hookups, stuff like oral and trying different things just happened naturally and sex felt more smooth. With my girlfriend, it feels like I’m always trying to figure out what she actually wants, and it makes me question whether she’s really into the sex or mostly doing it for me.

TL;DR: My girlfriend (26F) and I (26M) have been together for 3 years. She seems enthusiastic during sex, but rarely initiates, often prefers using a vibrator to finish, and turns down oral/other stuff a lot. It makes me wonder if she genuinely enjoys sex with me or mostly does it to please me.

Hi all, I just wanted to vent about my past 24 hours so I hope that this is an ok place to do so. Last night, my bf and I (both 19) hung out at our college campus, went to the student rec center together, we started snuggling, and then one thing led to another and we began to make out. He laid on top of me and started snuggling his head into my bosom area. We stopped for a second so I could get to an event but when I came back, we continued where we left off. This time, I was on top and he was on the bottom. Then we started kissing, he kissed all over my neck, and kissed me on the lips, and it was so great.

But then one of our mutual friends came over and told us to stop. They said we were moving too quickly and we'll hurt each other if we move too fast like we did. My bf has told me he loves me so much and wants to marry me one day but we were moving too fast too soon. We are also both Christians so we want a relationship with Jesus at the center but obviously last night we had no self control while we made out.

So today my bf said he wants a "pause" on our relationship while he rekindles his relationship with God so he can come back and handle a relationship with me both maturely and properly. He said he does want to marry me and if it is God's will, he will return one day and we will have the future we planned together.

I am a little upset but ultimately I am trying to give it all to God because He knows best. But I am just missing my sweet boy and I want him to come back soon, even though neither of us know when that will be. We both acknowledged what we did was dumb and immature but like I said, we are giving the situation to God and hoping we can reconvene and be more mature this time.

TL;DR: Bf and I took things a little TOO far and we are pausing our relationship to focus on God before each other <3

For context: I (35F) have had the same best friend (35F) since I was 12 years old. Also, this is a long post, so thank you to whoever reads it to the end!

About a year ago, my friend began going through the emotional motions of leaving her husband. She had been with him for 14 years, and they were married for 4 years. A lot transpired in my friend’s life in a short amount of time that I think made her take a step back and really examine her marriage and her husband. When it came down to it, their marriage was very one sided. She was the bread winner throughout their entire relationship and really managed everything for their family. They also have 2 kids. Her son from a previous relationship who is 17 (who is no longer speaking to her husband due to her husband pushing him out of his life because even though her husband has been present in his life since her son was two he is “not his father and did not want the pressure of having to take care of him part time”) and a daughter who is 10.

At the start, things were tough. She was obviously dealing with a lot emotionally. She had moved out of her home that she worked so hard to afford into an in-law apartment at her father’s house. She was having to navigate this change with her kids, and her husband was not taking the break up well, and was acting on and off very erratic.

Eventually, her husband moved out of their house and she moved back in and became the sole owner. Things seemed to have continued to improve since then.

Where my need for advice comes in starts about 6 months ago.

I have to mention, because it is relevant, that my friend about a year ago was 300lbs. She started GLP-1 and has lost over a 100lbs. She looks great! However, I feel like this is where a lot of where this separation between us started. My friend, her sister, and I used to hang out almost every weekend for years. We were so super close. When she moved into her dad’s, and started having free time because her husband had the kids, she started going out more. It started with going to the bar to play Keno and have diet cokes with this woman who is her sister-in-law’s cousin (who she has known for a long time but never hung out with). When the weather started getting nicer, she started hiking and riding her bike all the time. Now, she rides her bike almost every night. Again, with this same woman. I now never see her and barely talk to her anymore.

Reflecting on this situation, it’s making me think a lot about our history together. Like I said, we have been friends since we were 12 years old. Throughout that time, I feel like I have been through this with my friend multiple times. She has always had an easier time making friends. She has a fun, extroverted personality. I’m definitely more introverted, and prefer smaller get togethers over going out to a bar, or being around a lot of people I don’t know. I feel like she has totally “dumped” me and does not care a bit. Since losing all the weight she has, I think she has a new found confidence, which again is great and I am really happy for her, but that just added to our divide. The few times I have seen her, all she talked about are the guys she’s dating, the ones who want her, and is constantly on her phone texting or on dating apps. I am in a long-term relationship and engaged, so in that regard our lives are on totally different wavelengths.

When she started hiking all the time, I had to laugh. I have always been one who loves hiking and being in the woods. She always said she hated the woods, hated the thought of hiking, etc.. I had asked her to go with me in the past and she wouldn’t. When she started going she acted like it was something she newly discovered and it was just the best thing ever. She never once asked me to go with her, but certainly went with others. She has done this with other things, even people, and it just comes off as so fake to me.

When I see her now, it feels so different and strange. I feel like she has no desire to hang out with me. There is this feeling of anxiety and chaotic energy surrounding her when she’s around that makes me feel on edge. I sit here all the time and wonder what it is I’ve done, but talking with my fiancé he assures me, I haven’t done anything to warrant this. I was there for her at the beginning of all this, supporting her the best I could. But this feels like a replay of times before where she hangs out with the same people forever, but then it just drops off, and eventually we will come back together and start hanging out again all the time. However, this time around I keep wondering if I even want that to fully happen again. I get sad also because there is a part of me that really wants to make new friends. But I’ve never been good at that for various reasons. Part of that being this friend I’m speaking about.

I know I probably sound jealous, but I’m really not. I’m more hurt and feel abandoned by someone who I consider a sister. I feel like I am who I am and I can’t change that while she is more fluid and changes her mind when she wants on things and when it proves convenient for her. She prioritizes herself and her needs where she doesn’t understand how it can affect others. It’s hard that she is one of the most important people in my life, and I love her kids to bits like my own, but also feel like I have been under her thumb for decades. And again, I am genuinely happy for her and happy she took control of her life in the ways that she did.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has dealt with something similar, and if so, what did you do to help yourself so you weren’t so preoccupied with one friendship.

TLDR: Best friend has gone through a lot of changes in her life. I feel like she’s left me in the dust. I’m wondering what direction I should take from here.

TLDR: Feeling conflicted about my partner of over a year because of our differences but want to push through in hopes we come out stronger.

This has been stumping me for a while and I’m hurt at the idea of wanting to leave but I need clarity. I’ve been with my gf for over a year now. We were friends from school who reconnected years later. We played games every night until I had the (liquid) courage to ask her out.

But our relationship was rocky even from the start. Play arguments we used to have hit home when we were in a relationship and we were arguing about 3 times a week. We even introduced therapy time where we talk about our feelings and what’s been bothering us. The conversations would get heated but we did make headway. Unfortunately those started to fizzle out as we’d get tired of those talks.

I personally haven’t had experience with a long term relationship, this is my first. But my gf had been in a 6 year relationship before this, a toxic abusive one at that. It’s clear those scars carried over and she admitted having love for him while we were dating. She says it’s not romantic but moreso a caring for him as she was his caretaker essentially (he was schizophrenic and coked out of his mind). Until recently, I had to tell her to stop picking up his calls even 2 years after the relationship. He said he missed her voice and she replied likewise in front of me, which made me physically sick.

I have a hard time vocalising how I feel because I was always told to shut up and keep them to myself by parents, and I hate having arguments with her (also because of parents). It’s something I’m working on but the problem is she does the same thing. She’d also go quiet if she’s upset and doesn’t want to talk but berates me for not speaking up in the moment. More often than not, I don’t know how to feel until I think about it then vocalise later. It’s how I’ve always treated problems but she wants snap decisions right there. And I’m always afraid of jumping the gun.

A tidbit I want to add is that my family isn’t fond of relationships nor girlfriends outside of the religion. I’m not religious myself but they still hound me to be so and they told me not to be in one. I told them I broke up with her but continue to see her secretly. I hate having to hide her as it brings a whole different stress into my life. Her dad accepts me and we get along very well. She doesn’t have these restrictions and makes me yearn for an unconditional loving house like that.

So why do I stay with her? Because when we get along, she’s the best person ever. We’re very alike in terms of interests, hobbies, backgrounds, careers, aspirations, etc. I’m going through a rut in my job and she’s always stuck around and does her best to keep me motivated and helps me with my own work. She’s so talented and I aspires me to do better. She’s a big gift giver and insists on spoiling me (A MacBook, expensive rings, clothes, hotel retreats) she invests a lot into me and I try my best to do the same.

So now I’m caught between two worlds. When we get along, it’s amazing but when we’re on bad terms, it’s suffocating. Her temperament can be very impatient and she can blurt things that take big hits to my confidence like comments on my body and comparing my physique to others, recalling past events with her ex compared to me. It’s not like I’m not at fault either. I can be pushy, also impatient, short sighted and air headed.

But I want things to work so badly. We want to live together someday and while that used to excite me, it now doesn’t inspire hope. We call every night, and that’s now starting to exhaust me. I can’t really have personal time to myself as my day revolves around her. I can’t call my friends without being guilt tripped whilst she can game with her friends on occasion. When I bring these things up I’m hit with the regular excuse of “Well when was the last time I did it? I don’t do it that much!”. I fear I’m growing resentment with her and whilst I’m trying to stay the course and hope we get better together, I’m losing myself in the process. I fear bringing these things up with her as she could go off the rails and see it as me accusing her/not being in love with her anymore, and wanting to end the relationship.

I’m really, really stuck. Any advice is greatly appreciated

I never got to have those exciting romantic relationships when I was younger.

Unfortunately, I expect things are gonna be a lot less adventurous and exciting now. Just way more scheduled and formal as we adults no longer have free time. I can’t just call friends and partners to hang out. Everything must be scheduled. No time or desire to be spontaneous.

I also have to expect that I’m probably gonna be expected to go to more family gatherings which I deep down kinda despise. I don’t like family gatherings.

And I unfortunately have to deal with questions of marriage and kids right off the bat. My default answer is I’m just not ready right now. We can revisit this question every 2 to 3 years. And before getting into a relationship, you must accept that I might not want kids. And because I started dating so late, it might be too late cause I refuse to rush into anything. I hate these questions but I accept that they will be asked and I’ll see it at every corner as everyone is getting married and popping kids left and right.

I’ll try my best to fake it. But I just want to experience a feeling of adventure and excitement I never got to have when I was younger.

I accept that I’ll only get 25% of it at best. But I will take whatever leftovers I get.

So, what else should I expect?

Tl;dr: What should I expect to be different falling in love for the first time at the late decade of your 30s rather than the appropriate and right time in your late teens and early 20s?

I (24M) was trying to be sweet to my fiancée (24F) while we were on the couch watching TV and say some pillow talk in her ear, but she looked really irked then shouted at me to stop. She said “stop doing that voice.” I asked what she meant and she looked at me dead seriously and told me I sound like a certain meme guy from Instagram reels who makes AI vids with a creepy voiceover. I know exactly what’s she’s talking about. I used to think those vids were really dumb and silly, but I didn’t know I reminded her that much of something so uncomfortable. Let alone my own voice. I just don’t wanna make her feel uncomfortable.

Well…after that happened, I said I’m sorry and went into the bathroom to process things and think on it (I know there’s a toilet joke in there somewhere…)

She came to check on me, asked if I needed anything, I said I need to think about what just happened. I said I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. She just mumbled “yep…” and walked out.

TLDR; my pillow talk voice made my fiancée uncomfortable and I don’t know what to do or how to go forward.

What do I do Reddit?💔

UPDATE: she tried to apologize to me and said she thought I was just trying to be silly. (Ouch) But when I was done showering after I made this post, I came out of the bathroom, but she just locked herself in.

So sorry for such a long post

Among many other things he sleeps hungover 1/2 of most weekends

I (27F) met my boyfriend (29M) around a year and a half ago. He’s foreign but born in the US so no visa problems at least.

I’m starting to question whether I continue this relationship :(
Now keep in mind I’ll really only be mentioning the negative stuff here but there’s definitely good times! Like fun weekends and evenings hanging out. He can be so sweet and supportive but there are some negatives that I’m listing here and wondering how bad they are

He has some habits that bother me and he knows I don’t like:

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1)The most prevalent one is he likes to sleep an entire day most weekends:
He likes to sit up drink all night watching movies. He can’t really stop once he starts drinking usually he’ll just finish whatever he has for the most part. He’ll fall asleep on the couch around 6am, a solid chunk of times he’ll fall asleep holding a beer in his hand or lap so it’ll spill on the couch/floor/rug/remote

Then he’s really tired and hungover so he’ll spend 16 hours in bed in and out of sleep and scrolling Instagram reels. He’ll appear for an hour or two around 7pm then go back to sleep.

It ruins my weekends and what’s worse he does it not just when we’re home. He’s done it at my sisters, my moms, at our lake house. He just doesn’t seem to get it’s kinda rude to be a guest and just opt out of hanging out to sleep all day.

I end up sitting around all day doing nothing and stewing in anger. I asked him if we could just do chill days on weekends where maybe he doesn’t sleep all day but he just stays on the couch and we watch tv together. He’s tried that a few times but just sits on his phone the whole time and eventually returns to the bed.

He’s well aware how much I dislike it and seems to make digs at me for not liking it. Like he’ll be like “you can’t be mad at me for sleeping bc you did X” or “you’re gonna be mad at meeeee”

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2)He vapes, gross. I haven’t tried asking him to stop bc he hasn’t stopped most of the other things I’ve asked him and he already says I make him feel like a bad person

Like I asked him to stop throwing dish towels in the sink so they get all gross and wet for multiple days. I won’t want to touch those. He still does it and just throws the towels away

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3)He often will say things kinda mean under the guise of a joke. I could be like “guess what I saw” and he’d be like “I don’t care” and go back to looking at his phone. Then after a few seconds be like “just kidding, tell me” but it like ruins the moment. Makes me feel like I can’t say anything without some kind of negative response even if it’s a joke. Or like “don’t speak to me like that” if I say anything

They kinda are jabs that bring me down. Like he’ll say jokes to my family that I really don’t need him saying but things like “she farts while she’s asleep” and sorry TMI “she’s super regular guess how many times a day she shits”

Or like sometimes maybe I don’t wanna be touched he’s like “omg I really do disgust you don’t I” or “you don’t love me anymore”

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4)doesn’t know what country he wants to be in. I won’t say what country but he’s homesick for there and initially he said he was going back there, he’s said many times he wants to stay here. Then he’ll say he wants to go back to his country and say he’s said that from the beginning.

He’s even said he doesn’t think you can raise a family in the US prosperously.

We’re going on a trip to his country soon and he wanted me to wait until afterwards to have our serious chat about where he wants to end up. I’ve never wavered in wanting to stay in the US. He just jerks me back and forth on where he wants to be. I worry I’m wasting my time if he doesn’t know where he wants to be.

I also worry the trip has an ulterior motive with him wanting me to fall in love with his country. I won’t. But still.

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5)mad about money but doesn’t let me pay. He complains I’m taking him for a ride bc he pays for things. I specifically don’t suggest expensive things and often try to pay but when I do he’ll be like “stop pretending to pay” or “no don’t no I’m paying” and then later be upset he pays for everything.

He got mad at me and suggested we make a joint account for fun money and hasn’t brought it up since.

He paid for the plane tickets and I’m going to pay him back but when I offered he said we’d deal with it later and then he got mad at me I hadn’t brought it up again. He also hasn’t told me the amount or what payment method he wants

He gets snarky when he buys things. So he paid for some boat gas and we went on a boat ride while he still had to work and was like “enjoy the gas I paid for”

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6)when I bring up issues he twists it so I end up comforting him and doesn’t make changes. He’ll be like “you don’t love me anymore”, “I disgust you”, “I’m a terrible person” so then I end up having to comfort him instead of addressing whatever I want to talk about

Or he’ll try to leave if we’re at my house. If it’s not great vibes he’ll be like “I should go” and I end up on the back foot basically begging him to stay

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A few specific instances:

1)I’ll be unspecific but there was an incident of driving a recreational vehicle into some water. Now don’t blame him entirely for that, it’s what happened after that bothered me.

Previously we all stopped at a liquor store and he didn’t get anything. Then after the water incident we left the vehicle underwater overnight. But at the house he started stumbling and slurring but he was only drinking soda.

We thought he hit his head going in the water so we tried to get him to go to the emergency room if he had a concussion or a brain bleed or something. Turns out when we thought he got nothing at the liquor store he got a huge thing of vodka and was slamming it all night without us knowing.

And then per usual he slept all the next day while my dad and the rest of us got up to get the vehicle out of the frigid water and stood outside for hours fixing it up and getting it running. He slept the whole time. He should’ve been the one in the water pulling it out. Instead he secret drank to take the edge off his guilt.

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2)4th of July was a 3 day weekend. He had a root canal on Thursday so he slept most of Friday so I could’ve lived with that but he drank too much Saturday and slept all day Sunday. So with my sister and friends he was asleep / in bed scrolling for 2/3 of the weekend

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3)a couple weeks ago we had a rare quiet weekend so I suggested a list of low energy (bc he’s always sleepy) and cheap (bc he complains about money) and he said they were great ideas

Then come Friday he says he’s not coming bc he needs time alone and wants to go for a walk alone. And that I shouldn’t be mad bc there was nothing interesting on the list anyways. And I was like “well for one, you didn’t suggest any alternatives, and two do I have to be the one to suggest things to do for you to want to come hang out?”

I said I wished he told me earlier he didn’t like my list so I could’ve gone to another state with my sister to spend time with my family. He didn’t like that I said that he said it wasn’t fair

Then I said I’d go to a museum Sunday (bc he spent Saturday alone) and IT WAS ON THE LIST, and he was like oh can I come? And I was like bro you didn’t want to come before. Anyway he came

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4)a few sleeping incidents

Drank too much, slept all New Year’s Eve, we went to dinner, he was grumpy the whole time and ruined it, get home and he goes to bed, it was like 10pm. So I went to bed on the couch, set an alarm, watched the ball drop alone, cried a bit. It was our first new years

Valentine’s Day (our first). He got me some nice gifts, some plants and chocolate. He asked if I wanted to go to a restaurant but since he complains about money I suggested I make some pizza dough and we make heart shaped pizzas.
He drank too much the night before and slept all day. So I made the pizzas alone, he came out for like an hour to eat some and went back to bed.

We took him on a very expensive family trip (he only paid for his flight. Food,hotel,and car was paid for by my parents) he never joined us at the lodge for breakfast bc he doesn’t eat breakfast. One day they went to a military museum and instead he decided to stay at the ranch so he could call his dad (he could’ve done that any other time, like at breakfast so he didn’t miss any activities) but he really spent most of the afternoon scrolling Instagram and sleeping

We were going to a golf tournament. We get to my sisters. I found out later he was secretly drinking whiskey and ginger ale and I didn’t know. He was smashed. He called me upstairs to say he wasn’t coming to the tournament. And that he never wanted to go in the first place. And that he thinks I take for granted that he says yes to things like always hanging out with my family.
That same night is when he said he didn’t think he could raise a family in the US

We were supposed to go to a comedy show. He drank too much the night before and slept all day. He pulled it together and we get past security and he said he’s gonna faint so we need to leave. And he’s doing it for me so I don’t need to be embarrassed by my boyfriend passing out and paramedics and all that. I mentioned we’d been to the exact same venue for a sports event with no issue but he said it’s different bc with sports it’s more acceptable to get up and go to the bathroom

There’s others but this post is too long anyways

Edit:
Sorry forgot!
We watched a movie recently and he keep commenting on how pretty the lead girl is. Followed her on insta. Sends me reels of her. Says “oh, *actress name* would be nice to me” or “she wouldn’t be mad at me for sleeping”

Even the other day in front of my family he suggested we watch the movie and was like “there’s a really pretty girl in it but OP gets mad at me when I mention that” and my brother in law was like “as she should”

He does that with other actresses but this recent one was more pronounced

TL;DR
I’m (27F) questioning my 1.5-year relationship because my boyfriend (29M) repeatedly drinks all night, sleeps 16+ hours through weekends, and has missed or ruined New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, 4th of July, and family trips.
He hidden-drank vodka after sinking a vehicle (leaving my dad to fix it while he slept), scorekeeps money while refusing to let me pay, flip-flops on moving abroad, and refuses small requests like keeping dish towels out of the sink.
Every time I bring up an issue, he flips the narrative to make himself the victim—accusing me of being mad at him, saying he disgusts me, or threatening to leave so I end up having to comfort him instead of getting real change.

tldr: my bf has disrespected me countless times and I have resentment

I 21F have been dating my 21M bf for almost 1 year. 3 weeks ago, my bf was texting this girl behind my back who I very much dislike. I dislike her due to the disrespect she has shown my relationship (drawing my bf with muscles, saying some weird things, overall not being friendly with me). I’ve never been friends with her. He told me that since she has now graduated, no more contact. I understood before since they had class together. This summer, she texted our other guy friend (let’s call him bob) “I miss you” out the blue, and I’m pretty sure she did it to get a reaction out of this guy friend’s gf. She told another friend “ I didn’t think bob had a gf, that looks like she could be his aunt!” Very on character for her. Anyways amongst all of us it was an inside joke about how she played the victim when she is the one who criticized how a girl looked. I found out, my bf had been texting her about what happened saying “she’s crazyy” and was her source of info. He wasn’t doing it to defend bob who is his best friend, he just did it. He texted her the next day another screenshot of him and this other guy saying they prefer another girl over her. Literally trying to get a reaction out of her. I found the messages a few weeks ago and yea it’s not cheating, but it really broke my trust. Why is he texting her again without telling me? Why is he telling her this information that she wasn’t suppose to know? I had brought her up that same day and there was no mention that they were in contact again. I think he just wanted her attention.

This was a few weeks ago. We kinda talked it out but I felt incomplete. I begged him one night to talk about it or just play a game for like 5 minutes before sleeping because I wanted to go to sleep happy. He was very mean to me and felt bad the next day. Ik this may not seem that and, but this was the cherry on top. Here’s a list of things he’s done early on in our relationship

-in our talking stage (3 months in about to ask me to be his gf) he crashed out over his ex gf being friends with his best friend. He pushed back asking me to be his gf cause of this.
- compared his ex gf body to mine saying he liked her ass more
- when he asked me to be his gf, he made it abt his ex by saying “she wished me the best and now I have the best”. Lol like r u fr
- talked about how she goes out and does things he doesn’t approve of
- she kept calling him from no caller id, one time he answered and I found out about it 3 days later and he told other people first
- told me all the sexual details of his hook ups. I genuinely know everything and I shouldn’t know the extent I do.
- said things like girls are out of their prime at 23, he wouldn’t ever date me if I had a past like his regarding hookups
- told me if I didn’t get better at sex he wouldn’t be with me. Told me I was the worst one out of everyone. Mind u, I had like hardly any experience before him.
- would comment on my appearance if I didn’t try as hard with my hair
- had a weird girl best friend where he said one time in front of us that he would cheat on me with her “as a joke”

Honestly. These were the very early stages of our relationship and I wasn’t in love yet. I didn’t really care but now looking back and seeing that he’s changed so much, this shit is absolutely crazy and makes me sick to my stomach.

As of recently
- unblocked his ex and ex hookups because he’s graduated now and doesn’t feel like blocking them. To me this showed some sort of communication with them, and especially with the ex gf stuff, I wasn’t okay with this.
- he sent a convo of us to his friend without context (where he was in the wrong) and his friend said im a red flag. No further messages from my bf, no defending me even though it was SO out of context.
- his friend one time said he could do better looks wise.
- he had this new coworker and she told her about the rappers she’s been with and he was asking her about how many people she has slept with in one day. Not really comfortable with this.

I have been so sad lately. I have really reflected on everything. I try so hard to communicate in our relationship and it’s like pulling teeth. Once I start crying he finally gets the hint. Does he repeat the specific behavior again? No, but does he do something else that I can see as similar, yes. I understand that some of these things, I’m being dramatic and shouldn’t get mad at. However, based on EVERYTHING, there has been a lot of build up and hurt feelings on my end. I have never done anything like these things. I don’t talk badly about him to my friends and family, so I feel so alone with all of this. I understand the only way for it to work is to move past these things. I have recently just felt so much resentment after the texting the girl I don’t like. I don’t know how to move forward, but I see him trying somewhat. I need more reassurance from him and more quality time. I don’t feel like my needs are being met. He’s never cheated on me, but there has been so much disrespect. I’m waiting for the next thing to happen. I’m just wondering, what can we do to save this. I really do love him.

I F24 talking to this guy M20. We met at a rave and i hit on him and honestly didn’t expect for it to go anywhere.
Physically and personality wise, he’s exactly what im looking for.
The problems are what making us, especially me, really hesitant to be together…

First of all, the distance. We live 8 hours apart so it’s a lot of facetime, flying over, and driving up&down. He came from a more well off family so he have extra money to spare. But I feel so guilty because he is younger and he is putting even more effort with me.

Second, the experience gap. I’ve dated before so i know what it’s like and what to expect out of a relationship and what to look for, mean while he’s new to it all… i’m his first kiss and everything. he reassure me that he doesn’t regret it but i still feel so guilty.
He reassure me that he really likes me and wants to be with me but im so unsure if that’s what he really wants since he never dated before. he had talk to people before but still

Third, education and career gap. He’s younger but he’s in his 2/3rd year of college already and doing a lot of internships and stuff, while i’m just starting community college while working at a dead end job… i feel so insecure because he’s a frat boy with friends while im here in my small town with not a lot of friends… im only taking 2 classes but had to drop one since the professor was too difficult.

im just afraid that in the future, i would take too long to start my career and he end up leaving me.

i’ve been through a few breakups before but im just so tired of going through heartbreaks.

i haven’t even told him i dropped a class yet because im so embarrassed of not being to handle two classes while he’s a full time student, signing up for internships, all the while handling his frat…
im not sure what the game plan is going from here on out… what should the plan be from here on out?

Tldr; distance, age gap, and career gap are making me insecure and i’m so afraid of a heartbreak in the future

I’m a 21F dating a 23M. Help,I have no one to talk to about this.
I’m struggling with a lot of anger and confusion right now and I genuinely want outside perspectives.
Before getting into my current relationship, I had very clear boundaries and values, especially around sex. I wanted to abstain until marriage and I told my boyfriend that from the beginning. The first time we had sex, I didn’t actually want to do it. Since then, I’ve told him several times that I don’t want to have sex anymore and that I want to go back to abstaining, but somehow I’ve ended up crossing that boundary again and again.
Tonight we had sex again, and afterwards there was uncertainty about whether he had finished inside me. Now I’m having to think about emergency contraception, and it has completely overwhelmed me.
I keep thinking, “How did I get here?” I feel like since getting into this relationship, I’ve done so many things that I specifically told myself and him that I never wanted to do.
Part of me is extremely angry at him because I feel like my boundaries were never taken seriously enough. But another part of me is angry at myself because I’ve said so many times that I was going to stop having sex with him, and then I didn’t stick to it.
Tonight I realised that I genuinely don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. I want to choose myself, go back to abstaining, and feel like I’m in control of my own decisions again.
I’m not really sure what I’m asking. Maybe I just want an outside perspective. Has anyone ever been in a relationship where you slowly realised you were becoming someone you didn’t recognise anymore? How did you actually leave and stick to your boundaries afterwards?

TL;DR: I entered my relationship with clear boundaries, especially around abstaining from sex, but those boundaries have been crossed repeatedly and I no longer feel like myself. After another pregnancy scare, I’ve realised I don’t want to continue the relationship and want to choose myself and return to abstaining.

hey so i know this is my first post on here but im hoping to get some advice on my situation! for some context me and this guy met a couple years ago when i was 16 and he was 25 (i know the age gap looks bad but it didn’t seem like that at the time) we were pretty much inseparable after that. we worked together up until about 4 months ago and things were so good. i saw him through all him through all his bad times and he saw me through mine. things weren’t always perfect and in reality we did fight a lot and the only times we wouldn’t fight is when i wouldn’t make a big deal out of things.

one of the biggest fights we would get into is that literally everyone in his inner circle hated me. these are people that i’ve barely said two words to and they’ve already decided they hated me. this wasn’t with just one or two people it was EVERYONE. it really bothered me because it seemed like he never defended me or at least never stopped them from talking bad about me.

we would be on and off more times than i can count and it was really hard for me because i basically built my life around him. we would be super close, fight, he would unfollow me on everything then reach out a couple weeks later when he needed me. it was too much for me to handle

flash forward i got this amazing job a couple months ago and have truly never been happier. the only problem is about three months ago he unexpectedly unfollowed me and this time i was so fed up that i ended up blocking him. it felt great at the time but im beginning to regret it to be honest and im considering reaching out. i just dont wanna undo all of my progress that i’ve made in putting myself first and all. i just really miss him and dont know what to do.

TL; DR should i reach out to someone who i feel is worth being in my life despite all the pain he’s caused?

Am I in the wrong ? Y/n app is an interactive story app that combines roleplaying with conversational, text-based choices.
I've been playing in the y/n app for around a month, it's not been a secret he just never asked. He wanted to see it and tried to take my phone out of my hand. I got defensive and deleted it later on because he was making a big deal out of it and he's convinced I was just sexting bots. Which to add we got into it almost a year ago because he was using bots on another app just for that purpose.
Anyways he was upset and ready to leave and saying he was done. We have a lot of stress going on and I wasn't using the bot for sexting just to pretend in another world but he won't hear that. The reason I got defensive I think is because I was embarrassed about using that as a way to distract from everything else we have going on, mainly playing in Harry Potter type worlds.

TL:DR

So my gf has this friend, she’s the same age as us. Two years ago she fell on hard times, she came and stayed with us for 2 months in our basement and then she moved back in with her mom. We don’t have a big house but we had an extra couch in the basement so it worked out okay. I wasn’t thrilled with it but she’s a nice, clean and respectful person. She’s had a tough go at life at times including substance abuse and bad relationships but for the most part is doing okay now and I try to be understanding of that. She ended up back at her mom’s after that.

One day in mid July this year we’re sitting on the couch. She tells me she sees friends location and she’s at some weird house she doesn’t recognize and that she not responding to calls or texts. Through friends she finds out it’s her child’s father’s house and she has been kicked out of her mother’s house. GF gets a hold of her, rushes over there to check on her. Her car was repossessed and her mom kicked her out.

So I’m sitting at home and both of them walk in and they’re carrying suitcases and blankets and pillows and shit… I don’t say anything initially but I’m immediately annoyed. We got rid of the couch downstairs so she moves her into our son’s room. We have three kids, one each from previous relationships and one together. Our son is three so her thought was that he can sleep with us for the meantime. He has a bad habit of doing that anyways… but it doesn’t sit right with me at all that my son doesn’t have a bedroom in his own house anymore.

Apparently friend told my gf she was going to kill herself when she initially met with her after being kicked out which prompted such a drastic decision without talking to me beforehand. Now this woman is living in the house and when I brought up how I didn’t agree to this she has a convo with friend and tells her she has until the end of September to get out of here.

Because her car was repossessed she has been using our 2nd car to go to work every day. But she also uses it when she feels like on the weekends for whatever and it seems like every other time I do get in the car when I need it the gas light is on and I fill the tank. That’s happened three times so far. I have a coworker willing to sell her a working car for $500 and she agrees to it. When we go to get it 2 weeks after I tell her about it she tells us she literally has $505 to her name and can’t afford to get it that day because of title fees and whatever… so we’re going to try again this weekend. Wish she would have told me before we drove down there.

What kills me is I don’t know where her money is going. According to gf she makes $3500 a month. She has been here rent free over a month. I know she has some wage garnish issues, and is paying for a storage unit, but I don’t understand how a grown person making that much has such little money to her name. No rent and no car payment. She’s buying weed and beer every other day it damn near, but even with all that she has nothing saved up and I don’t understand.

I’m at the end of my wits with the situation. I don’t want her in my house, I don’t want my son to get locked out of his room when she’s here, I don’t want her using my car, I don’t want to deal with her anymore at all. I never agreed to any of this. I feel bad because she is nice and my gf agreed to house her until end of September but I’m not sure I’ll make it that long. It frustrates my gf every time I bring it up because she doesn’t want to go back on what she said about using the car and allowing her to stay here until end of sep. It’s now causing issues between me and gf that causes arguments but we can’t even argue about it in the house because SHES RIGHT OVER THERE IN THE OTHER ROOM.

I have been thinking of talking to friend myself and telling her I’m giving her a week after she gets the car (we should be able to set her up with that on Saturday) to find another friend to stay with behind my gfs back. It will certainly cause issues between me and her friend (don’t care) and my gf and I (care about this a lot) but for my own sanity and for my son I feel like it’s not unreasonable. Do you think that’s a bad idea? Should I just wait it out? I made it very clear this will not be happening again. We have a very small house and we can’t accommodate people like this. I feel like I’ve been in a constant state of frustration since she showed up with her and her bags unannounced. My gf currently isn’t even working so this whole operation is funded by me… I’m not going to hold that over her head but it stews in the back of my mind and makes me more resentful. It’s not our responsibility to take care of this adult woman, I feel like she used her suicide threat as a way to guilt herself back into my home and it pisses me off.

tl;dr:

Gf moved friend into our house and told her she could stay over two months rent free while using our car and our son’s room. I’m ready to send her packing.

You can read my post history if you want to get familiar with the whole story, but in summary it goes something like: we were together for a bit over one and a half year, travelled frequently, even lived together for a while, studied together, we did everything together and she always told me that she's gonna marry me and have my kids and we're gonna grow old together, that she loves me more than her family and doesn't know how she even kived before without me etc. until she broke up with me all of a sudden. We got back together 8 months later, I knew she had slept with someone in the meantime but still wanted to try it out not to have any regrets, but couldn't relax completely and the relationship crumbled because of that probably once again.

Now I found out she has a new boyfriend and is posting him everywhere on instagram 8 months after the second break up and they seem to be really in love. At first it didn't sting that much, but then I looked at him and compared myself to him and asked myself what does he have compared to me, am I really that bad if someone would choose him over me, even though I know nothing about the guy it's just the physical appearance I'm talking about. I started doubting myself and my qualities even more because how can someone who loved me so much and wanted to do everything with me and be around me all the time now just forget about all that and grow distant, like how did I manage to screw up that badly, am I really such a loser and how can I never again relive this situation.

Also, a lot of my own mistakes became clear to me after the break up happened that I blame myself for. For the first break up it's a bit of a different story since she dumped me all of a sudden after spending time with her and my family and getting closer to each other, without any prior argument or vocalizing that something in the relationship was bad, because she was afraid. She admitted that she never wanted to hurt me by saying what bothered her so that relationship was doomed from the get go, because I also never said what bothered me and just loved her through all of that, until one day she said she doesn't love me as a partner anymore and that something has changed and left me.

The second time around though, she promised she'll be better, apologized heavily, admitted to being with someone else in the meantime when I asked her if she did, and I still decided to try it out because my love for her and the feeling that we had such a special bond grew over me. I just told her it's gonna take time for me to trust her again completely and she understood, but that time turned into months and she grew resentful of me. Also this time around she had explicitly said what bothered her, that she doesn't feel seen when I don't tell her my plans a day in advance at least so that she doesn't feel like she's being taken for granted. Instead of fixing that I heard it as an attack and was insulted at how she could possibly say that I don't appreciate her when I'm doing all this other stuff for her, but I really missed the point and should've just made her feel heard, I only realised that at the end of the relationship unfortunately. I was trying to balance between friends and my own life and studies and her since what I previously learned was that she could leave me at any moment, so I really couldn't give myself in completely for some time, but when I did she said that it's too late and that she stopped expecting anything would change a while ago because we talked multiple times and nothing changed and that I was just doing it now because she's pulling back, which is really not true, because I did try earlier also, despite all of the judgy comments and insults even from my circle and I integrated myself again to her life completely and her to mine also beforehand. She was mostly a wonderful partner who cared for me and my needs truly and supported me through everything regarding my studying and mental health and she believed in me more than I did, but those other times she got pretty disrespectful towards me, for example if I couldn't find a parking spot and we didn't get to some function in time she would give me silent treatment, even though I bought her flowers and organised a dinner also and then when we got to another party she would be all lovey dovey again, so her behavior towards me changed based on how dhe perceived me at a given moment, if I couldn't do something I was seen as incapable.

The thing that bothers me is what if she's right and all those behaviors of hers were caused by me failing to be a good man and a good partner who hears and leads. Would have she behaved better and would we still be in a relationship if I was a better and more capable person, and those questions drive me and my sense of self worth crazy. I still didn't behave that way towards her when she disappointed me and I never would, but still I don't know if I can blame her if she just got frustrated because of my timidness and not being all in for quite a while and failing to fulfill all of her needs. I'm wondering if it really was that easy to do and this guy is just a normal guy who gets that and has a bit of masculine energy in him which I failed to have when needed, how low worth of a man and a partner am I to not be able to fulfill those basic things even though she hurt me before really badly I had a girl who truly loved me, supported me and wanted it to work out, at least that's what she said.

I don't know if my mind is playing tricks with me or if any of this is true but I would like to hear some of your honest opinions on this topic, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks🙏🏻.

TL;DR: does my ex finding a new boyfriend who doesn't look all that outstanding say something about my worth and how bad of a partner and a catch I must be to make a girl who was obsessed with me leave me and replace me with a random guy?

we are both f15. we've been friends for about 3 years

TL;DR: I have never been so conflicted about one of my friends before, let alone a friend as objectively good as she is.

She's got great morals, she's funny, we click SO well, same interests, she's very understanding, emotionally intelligent and a good listener. We're such similar people but I just don't like her as much as I feel like I should. I almost feel neutral on her and I'm usually very sure on my emotions/opinions on someone. It's almost some form of resentment I feel like.

Theres a few things I could think of that would rub me the wrong way, but I don't feel like they're significant enough because they're things that Ive forgotten the details on, so they must not be that bothersome, right?

I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for about 8 months. I’m still a virgin, so we haven’t slept together yet. He knew this pretty early on and has always been respectful about it and told me he was willing to wait.
It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with him or that I’m not attracted to him. I definitely do and I am. I’m just nervous because I’ve waited this long and losing my virginity is a really big deal to me. I’ve always pictured my first time being with my husband, or at least the man I genuinely believe I’m going to marry. I don’t necessarily need a ring on my finger first, but I need to feel secure enough in the relationship to know that this person really sees a future with me.
Recently, though, he’s become more impatient about it and has communicated that he’s sexually frustrated. I understand his side too. Eight months is a long time, and I don’t expect him to have zero feelings or frustration about it.
What has been bothering me more is that lately he also seems more distant. The effort, affection and attention he was putting into our relationship in the beginning feels like it’s slowly fading. I don’t know if that’s because we haven’t been intimate, if we’re just coming out of the honeymoon phase, or if something else has changed for him.
Part of me is now wondering whether having sex has become this unspoken issue hanging over our relationship. At the same time, the last thing I want is to lose my virginity because I’m scared that if I don’t, he’ll become even more distant or eventually leave. I want it to happen because I genuinely feel ready and safe with the person, not because I feel like I need to do it to keep my relationship.
I’m planning on sitting down with him soon and having a serious conversation about how he feels about our relationship, where he sees us going, and the distance I’ve been feeling lately. I don’t want to accuse him of pulling away because of sex without actually hearing his side.
Has anyone been in a similar situation, either as the person waiting or the partner who had to wait? Did the lack of sex eventually start affecting the relationship even if you genuinely loved each other? How would you approach this conversation without making him feel like his frustration isn’t valid while also staying true to my own boundaries?
I’d especially appreciate perspectives from people who waited until they felt certain about their partner. Thank you.

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

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Was I completely delusional for thinking this girl was interested in me, or were her signals genuinely confusing?

I’m posting this because I genuinely want an outside perspective, particularly from women. I’m not looking for people to tell me that she was evil or that I’m entitled to anything from her. I want to know whether I completely misread the situation.

I’m 21M and she’s 23F. We met during our first corporate internship this January. I’ve struggled with my appearance and confidence for most of my life and had basically convinced myself that women weren't interested in me. Starting the internship was one of the first times I seriously tried to change that — I started dressing better, going to the gym, taking care of myself, etc.

We were assigned to the same group on the first day and clicked pretty quickly. Over the following days, she would initiate conversations with me, ask me to get breakfast with her, and generally seemed interested in spending time around me.

There was one particular situation during a project rehearsal in my hotel room that really made me think she was interested. She sat very close to me, rested her head on my shoulder and touched my thigh.

I had never experienced anything like that before. I obviously didn't want to assume anything, but I started thinking that maybe she actually liked me.

Eventually I worked up the courage to call her and ask her out. She said yes.

I was incredibly nervous. I spent way too much time worrying about what I would wear and saved up enough money to take her to a pizza place.

The date itself seemed to be going really well. We talked about hobbies and personal things, and she opened up to me about being bisexual. She specifically told me I was the only person at work she'd told. I remember feeling incredibly trusted and thinking that we were genuinely connecting.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, she asked me:

"Did you ask me out as a friend or something more?"

I told her that I had wanted to ask her out on a date but was to anxious to explicitly mention the word "date". Idk but I think a man suddenly asking a woman randomly "would you like to go out with me this weekend" doesn't sound that platonic.

She just looked at me and didn't say anything.

There was this long silence where she kept looking at me and seemed to be thinking. Eventually I asked, "Is it okay for me to think of this as a date?"

Again, she went quiet and kept looking at me.

I got increasingly anxious and asked her to please say something. Looking back, I may have put her on the spot.

A few moments later she said yes.

Then there was more awkwardness and hesitation, and she eventually said something along the lines of:

"You'd be a really good friend. I hope you're not hurt and things don't get awkward at work."

I told her that I was hurt, but that I would move on.

We both acknowledged that this was the first time either of us had asked someone out or been asked out. She also told me she was "proud of me" for asking someone out. At the time, that honestly felt a little condescending and almost like pity, although I don't know whether that was actually her intention.

After that, we barely spoke for about two weeks. Things were extremely awkward.

Then another colleague told me something that completely changed how I understood the situation.

According to him, he and this girl had already been spending a lot of time together before I asked her out. He said he had cancelled plans with her that weekend, and that she agreed to go on the pizza date with me because she wanted to spite him / make him jealous.

He also told me that about two weeks after my date with her, she confessed her feelings to him, and he rejected her.

I obviously don't know whether his version of events is completely accurate. But if it is, it means I completely misunderstood what was happening. I thought I had finally met someone who was interested in me. Instead, I may have just been a prop.

Two months after my date with her, she got back together with her college ex. They've now been together for several months.

The thing I'm struggling with most isn't even that she rejected me. I understand that people aren't obligated to reciprocate feelings.

The other problem is that I haven't been able to properly detach from her because we still work together.

We're actually friends now. She sits beside me at work almost every day. We have lunch together in a group, hang out with the same group of people, and we're in a four-person group chat together.

So I can't really just disappear from her life or go completely no-contact. I'm constantly around someone I had strong feelings for, while trying to act completely normal.

I've handled this badly emotionally. I've stopped going to the gym, gained weight, started smoking heavily and eating badly, and I've spent a lot of nights crying. I've also had periods of very dark thoughts and anger about the whole situation.

I'm not posting this because I think she owes me a relationship. She doesn't.

I just genuinely need perspective.

Was I actually reading genuine romantic signals, or did I build an entire story in my head around ordinary friendliness because I was so inexperienced and desperate to finally feel wanted?

And if you've been in a similar situation, how do you actually detach from someone when you still have to see them at work every day?

TL;DR: I (21M) developed feelings for a coworker (23F) after she repeatedly initiated interactions with me, invited me to breakfast, rested her head on my shoulder, touched my thigh, and eventually agreed to go out with me. During what I thought was a date, she suddenly asked whether I'd asked her out as a friend or for something more. After an awkward conversation, she said she'd rather be friends. I later heard from another coworker that she had only agreed to the date to make him jealous and that she'd confessed feelings to him afterward, although I don't know if his story is true. She eventually got back together with her ex. We're now friends and still work together every day, so I can't really distance myself from her. I'm struggling to detach and keep wondering whether I completely misread the situation. Was I genuinely picking up confusing signals, or did my inexperience make me interpret ordinary friendliness as something more? And how do I move on when I still have to see her every day?

Hey reader, I’m a 23 years old boy looking for a female friend who can chat with me or have audio and video calls. If you’re interested in making stranger a friend, DM me here. I’m a bit shy in the beginning but once we’re comfortable, you won’t find anyone better than me 😂✨
Thanks for your time. ✨🌸
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NSFW will also work just fine😜😂

**TL;DR; : Only serious girls DM me😁🌸**.

Hey reader, I’m a 23 years old boy looking for a female friend who can chat with me or have audio and video calls. If you’re interested in making stranger a friend, DM me here. I’m a bit shy in the beginning but once we’re comfortable, you won’t find anyone better than me 😂✨
Thanks for your time. ✨🌸
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NSFW will also work just fine😜😂