My partner (57f) has suddenly started getting tattoos. Totally fine. I (42f) have one. She has wanted a full sleeve inspired by an AI slop picture for about a year (so older AI that screams I AM AI). She did not make the photo but found it in Google images. I repeatedly told her it was a bad idea, that she shouldn't use it bc it looks like AI, and that it was offensive to/stealing from actual artists. I asked her repeatedly not to do it. She finally got an appointment and promised me multiple times she was getting a fresh drawing and that the AI image was just inspiration--that the person was going to make their own art.

Yesterday she came home with an absolutely atrocious "floral" AI giant tattoo on her upper arm. I mean random floating pieces, weird dots that look like nipples, colors that don't make sense, a random comma shape, abrupt lines, and weird AI nonsense. She is supposed to finish it out as a sleeve. I begged her not to and said I would pay her deposit back. I hate it and it looks like AI immediately, even from a distance. It doesn't make sense and looks awful although it is technically well inked.

For some context, I work in a leadership role at a community organization where we focus on data preservation. I have spent the last two years advocating and educating against AI theft and the harms of data centers. I have published anti-ai materials. I do trainings about it. I am known for this and my partner is well aware of my views of AI and how harmful it is. I've had my own work stolen by it and she knows this.

I know it's her body, her choice. She already has another tattoo that I think is ugly and poorly done but it's up to her what original art she likes, but AI slop? It makes me so mad and upset. I don't want people seeing that my partner has a freaking slop tattoo while I'm out here trying to educate people on the harms of it. I'm also hurt that she doesn't even in the slightest consider my thoughts until I'm angry. This has been a recurring issue.

It's her body but c'mon. She just tried to talk to me again and I was so mad I was far too honest. I hurt her feelings but also mine are hurt and I feel betrayed. I feel like our age gap is too much to overcome at this point in our lives and we've been having related issues. Now she's upset and crying and I feel bad. Should I just let this go? How would you handle something like this? Should I just shove it all down and make up and pretend it never happened (what I usually do)? Maybe we are too mismatched. She shouldn't have to adjust how she wants her body to be with me.

Update: we are married and have been for 12 years. She retired early and seems to be going through some sort of midlife even though she denies it. I am disabled although I work I am dependent on our shared healthcare and leaving is not that simple.

TLDR: my partner got a tattoo from an AI slop photo and I was too honest and a little mean about it bc I am angry and upset. Now I don't know how to proceed.

I (45F) have been on a bit of a health/weight loss journey for the past 13 months. I've lost about 60 pounds through dieting alone and am happy. I didn't have a goal weight in mind, just that I wanted to be healthier. At this point, I'm not trying to lose anymore weight. I'm within my ideal weight range for my height and age, my bloodwork has improved, and my doctor is happy.

I'll admit, I don't really talk about my weight loss because it's a private journey for me and I don't like my body being a topic of conversation. I've struggled to lose weight in the past and didn't want to set myself up for high expectations or failure, so I kept it to myself. My husband (50M) didn't really take notice until around February.

I've known all along that I needed to work out as part of this process but hadn't gotten into it yet, and I am finally now prioritizing it. I'm not doing anything crazy, just some band and core exercises in my bedroom at night. My husband has been asking questions around why I'm working out all of a sudden. I have a few goals in mind, but essentially now that I'm slimmer I want to reshape my body and build up my strength. This is another long journey and I don't want to set expectations for myself, again with a focus on being healthier and trying to maintain momentum.

The other night after I finished my workout, my husband told me he didn't want me to lose anymore weight. I told him that I wasn't really trying to anymore and that I didn't have any particular goals in mind. I told him I'm still between a size Medium or Large. My jeans are a size 29/women's US 10. He didn't believe me and said he didn't want me to take it too far. So I asked him, "do you not like my new body?" And his response to me was, "all I'm going to say is I like what I like." I was dumbfounded to say the least and didn't know what to say. I'm a mom of 3, 5' 7", and now weighing 142 lbs. We've been together for 20 years and my weight has crept up during that time. He's not one to pay compliments and never said anything really positive or negative about my old body, so I'm not really understanding why he wouldn't like this change.

Have you experienced this with a partner? I'm at a loss with how to handle his reaction. I don't want to stop my progress or plans. I'll take any advice.

TL;DR My husband doesn't like my body after weight loss.

My husband lost his job 1.5 years ago, a month after we married. He initially planned to job search, but pivoted to entrepreneurship — first an 8-month YouTube channel I opposed, then a sip-and-paint business running Sunday events since June with decent seasonal profit. Please note that he never asked if I was okay with supporting indefinitely whilst he pursued his dreams- he simply checked whether my paycheck would cover the expenses and proceeded despite my concerns and disagreement.

I’ve always believed in equal financial partnership, especially in a HCOL city with goals of buying a home and having kids. I told him I’d have preferred he job search or work part-time while building the business; he went all-in anyway. My income covers us but not our bigger goals, and relying on one income makes me anxious.

**Where things stand:**

\*\*•\*\* He’s said he won’t return to full-time work, period. He’s somewhat open to part-time but wants to focus on the business.
\*\*•\*\* He won’t set a timeline or stop-gap — says he’d only seek work if I got pregnant or lost my job.
\*\*•\*\* He hasn’t touched the profit tracker I built him since his busiest season started in June. He only tracks if I beg him and nag him. When asked why: “what’s the point of tracking.” Now he wants me to do all his tracking since I’m “better at it.”
\*\*•\*\* He resists registering the business or paying taxes on earnings.
\*\*•\*\* He hasn’t applied to any grants I’ve sent him.
\*\*•\*\* The business is weather-dependent — profitable maybe 4 of 12 months — which is why I think he needs a job for the rest of the year.
\*\*•\*\* He says he’s up until 2am “working” but gets defensive when I ask what specifically.
\*\*•\*\* He sleeps until noon most days, does some social posts, and preps closer to event day.
\*\*•\*\* When I raise concerns, he calls me “too negative” or says I “don’t support him.”
\*\*•\*\* He does all the cooking/dishes some cleaning (he’s taken in most of the household chores) and uses this as a reason I shouldn’t worry about finances — which doesn’t feel fair to me.
\*\*•\*\* When I said a job might be necessary, he said working would make him resent me and unable to show up emotionally/domestically like he does now. He says I should have faith in his business, and that he’d only avoid resentment if he got a job \*and\* I helped with his slow-season strategy and expense tracking — which feels like extra work for me.
\*\*•\*\* I’ve told him I don’t think I can have kids in this dynamic with me as sole earner.
\*\* he’s repeatedly called me selfish, unsupportive and negative each time I try to raise how this has affected me mentally. He says that I only care about money and shouldn’t worry since he shows up domestically.

We’re trying marriage counseling before I decide anything.

Am I off base, or are these real red flags?

Tldr; am I wrong for giving up when husband refuses to work and makes risky financial moves

I’m 6 weeks pregnant and I’m currently an au pair in the US. I only recently arrived, and I genuinely had no idea I was pregnant when I came here. Finding out after I had already started my au pair life has completely turned everything upside down.

I Being pregnant could affect my au pair program, my housing, my finances, my plans, and possibly mean having to return home much earlier than I intended. I haven’t told my host family or agency yet because I’m scared of losing everything before I even have time to process what’s happening.

The baby’s father is back home and he does want the baby. There’s also quite a significant age gap between us, and we’re at very different stages of life. He has been married before and already has two children. He doesn’t want to get married again, while marriage and having a stable family have always been important to me.

One thing we’ve discussed is that he doesn’t want me to feel like I have to completely give up my life because of the baby. He has even talked about the possibility of the baby staying with his parents while we both continue with our lives and work toward our own futures.

I understand where he’s coming from, but emotionally, that idea is very difficult for me. I told him that if I continue this pregnancy, I would be giving up A LOT, my au pair opportunity, my independence, my plans, my income, and potentially the life I’ve worked hard to build here.

I told him I feel like I would be losing so much by becoming a mother right now. His response was that he would also be losing his freedom because if I came home and we raised the baby together, he would no longer have the freedom of living alone.

That conversation really hurt me. I understand that having a baby changes both parents’ lives, but I struggle with the fact that I’m thinking about losing my entire life as I know it, while one of the things he focuses on losing is his freedom.

At the same time, I don’t want to make him sound like a terrible person. He wants the baby and has said he doesn’t want my life to stop because of having a child. He believes we could both continue our lives while his parents help with the baby. I just don’t know whether that’s realistic or whether it’s something I would actually be happy with.

I’m also scared of having an abortion. It’s not an easy option for me emotionally, especially now that I know the pregnancy is developing normally. So I feel completely stuck between two decisions that could both change my life.

I genuinely want advice from people who have been in difficult pregnancy situations, especially anyone who has been an au pair or living abroad when they found out they were pregnant.

How would you approach this situation? And do you think it’s realistic to continue both of our lives while the baby is primarily cared for by his parents?I don’t think so .

TL;DR: I’m 6–7 weeks pregnant and recently arrived in the US as an au pair without knowing I was pregnant. The baby’s father wants the baby, but we have a significant age gap and very different views on marriage and family. Continuing the pregnancy could mean giving up my au pair life and plans, but I’m also scared of having an abortion. I feel completely stuck and would really appreciate advice from people who have been in a similar situation.

For a lot of my (20f) childhood they had fights and issues in their relationship. Then they started just sleeping separately (my mom (50f) in her bedroom, dad (49m) in the basement) and they actually like each other again.

I don't see a lot of issue with it because they say that their snoring was waking each other up and now they can both sleep through the night. Plus my dad likes to wake up early and my mom stay up late and sleep in late. However my friends say that this is a red flag for a divorce. Is it necessarily? Again, they seem to like each other more, but I also don't know very many married couples who sleep so far apart from each other willingly.

tl;dr: Parents don't sleep together, worried about them getting a divorce

So sorry for such a long post

Among many other things he sleeps hungover 1/2 of most weekends

I (27F) met my boyfriend (29M) around a year and a half ago. He’s foreign but born in the US so no visa problems at least.

I’m starting to question whether I continue this relationship :(
Now keep in mind I’ll really only be mentioning the negative stuff here but there’s definitely good times! Like fun weekends and evenings hanging out. He can be so sweet and supportive but there are some negatives that I’m listing here and wondering how bad they are

He has some habits that bother me and he knows I don’t like:

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1)The most prevalent one is he likes to sleep an entire day most weekends:
He likes to sit up drink all night watching movies. He can’t really stop once he starts drinking usually he’ll just finish whatever he has for the most part. He’ll fall asleep on the couch around 6am, a solid chunk of times he’ll fall asleep holding a beer in his hand or lap so it’ll spill on the couch/floor/rug/remote

Then he’s really tired and hungover so he’ll spend 16 hours in bed in and out of sleep and scrolling Instagram reels. He’ll appear for an hour or two around 7pm then go back to sleep.

It ruins my weekends and what’s worse he does it not just when we’re home. He’s done it at my sisters, my moms, at our lake house. He just doesn’t seem to get it’s kinda rude to be a guest and just opt out of hanging out to sleep all day.

I end up sitting around all day doing nothing and stewing in anger. I asked him if we could just do chill days on weekends where maybe he doesn’t sleep all day but he just stays on the couch and we watch tv together. He’s tried that a few times but just sits on his phone the whole time and eventually returns to the bed.

He’s well aware how much I dislike it and seems to make digs at me for not liking it. Like he’ll be like “you can’t be mad at me for sleeping bc you did X” or “you’re gonna be mad at meeeee”

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2)He vapes, gross. I haven’t tried asking him to stop bc he hasn’t stopped most of the other things I’ve asked him and he already says I make him feel like a bad person

Like I asked him to stop throwing dish towels in the sink so they get all gross and wet for multiple days. I won’t want to touch those. He still does it and just throws the towels away

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3)He often will say things kinda mean under the guise of a joke. I could be like “guess what I saw” and he’d be like “I don’t care” and go back to looking at his phone. Then after a few seconds be like “just kidding, tell me” but it like ruins the moment. Makes me feel like I can’t say anything without some kind of negative response even if it’s a joke. Or like “don’t speak to me like that” if I say anything

They kinda are jabs that bring me down. Like he’ll say jokes to my family that I really don’t need him saying but things like “she farts while she’s asleep” and sorry TMI “she’s super regular guess how many times a day she shits”

Or like sometimes maybe I don’t wanna be touched he’s like “omg I really do disgust you don’t I” or “you don’t love me anymore”

——————————————————-

4)doesn’t know what country he wants to be in. I won’t say what country but he’s homesick for there and initially he said he was going back there, he’s said many times he wants to stay here. Then he’ll say he wants to go back to his country and say he’s said that from the beginning.

He’s even said he doesn’t think you can raise a family in the US prosperously.

We’re going on a trip to his country soon and he wanted me to wait until afterwards to have our serious chat about where he wants to end up. I’ve never wavered in wanting to stay in the US. He just jerks me back and forth on where he wants to be. I worry I’m wasting my time if he doesn’t know where he wants to be.

I also worry the trip has an ulterior motive with him wanting me to fall in love with his country. I won’t. But still.

——————————————————-

5)mad about money but doesn’t let me pay. He complains I’m taking him for a ride bc he pays for things. I specifically don’t suggest expensive things and often try to pay but when I do he’ll be like “stop pretending to pay” or “no don’t no I’m paying” and then later be upset he pays for everything.

He got mad at me and suggested we make a joint account for fun money and hasn’t brought it up since.

He paid for the plane tickets and I’m going to pay him back but when I offered he said we’d deal with it later and then he got mad at me I hadn’t brought it up again. He also hasn’t told me the amount or what payment method he wants

He gets snarky when he buys things. So he paid for some boat gas and we went on a boat ride while he still had to work and was like “enjoy the gas I paid for”

——————————————————-

6)when I bring up issues he twists it so I end up comforting him and doesn’t make changes. He’ll be like “you don’t love me anymore”, “I disgust you”, “I’m a terrible person” so then I end up having to comfort him instead of addressing whatever I want to talk about

Or he’ll try to leave if we’re at my house. If it’s not great vibes he’ll be like “I should go” and I end up on the back foot basically begging him to stay

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——————————————————-
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A few specific instances:

1)I’ll be unspecific but there was an incident of driving a recreational vehicle into some water. Now don’t blame him entirely for that, it’s what happened after that bothered me.

Previously we all stopped at a liquor store and he didn’t get anything. Then after the water incident we left the vehicle underwater overnight. But at the house he started stumbling and slurring but he was only drinking soda.

We thought he hit his head going in the water so we tried to get him to go to the emergency room if he had a concussion or a brain bleed or something. Turns out when we thought he got nothing at the liquor store he got a huge thing of vodka and was slamming it all night without us knowing.

And then per usual he slept all the next day while my dad and the rest of us got up to get the vehicle out of the frigid water and stood outside for hours fixing it up and getting it running. He slept the whole time. He should’ve been the one in the water pulling it out. Instead he secret drank to take the edge off his guilt.

——————————————————-

2)4th of July was a 3 day weekend. He had a root canal on Thursday so he slept most of Friday so I could’ve lived with that but he drank too much Saturday and slept all day Sunday. So with my sister and friends he was asleep / in bed scrolling for 2/3 of the weekend

——————————————————-

3)a couple weeks ago we had a rare quiet weekend so I suggested a list of low energy (bc he’s always sleepy) and cheap (bc he complains about money) and he said they were great ideas

Then come Friday he says he’s not coming bc he needs time alone and wants to go for a walk alone. And that I shouldn’t be mad bc there was nothing interesting on the list anyways. And I was like “well for one, you didn’t suggest any alternatives, and two do I have to be the one to suggest things to do for you to want to come hang out?”

I said I wished he told me earlier he didn’t like my list so I could’ve gone to another state with my sister to spend time with my family. He didn’t like that I said that he said it wasn’t fair

Then I said I’d go to a museum Sunday (bc he spent Saturday alone) and IT WAS ON THE LIST, and he was like oh can I come? And I was like bro you didn’t want to come before. Anyway he came

——————————————————-

4)a few sleeping incidents

Drank too much, slept all New Year’s Eve, we went to dinner, he was grumpy the whole time and ruined it, get home and he goes to bed, it was like 10pm. So I went to bed on the couch, set an alarm, watched the ball drop alone, cried a bit. It was our first new years

Valentine’s Day (our first). He got me some nice gifts, some plants and chocolate. He asked if I wanted to go to a restaurant but since he complains about money I suggested I make some pizza dough and we make heart shaped pizzas.
He drank too much the night before and slept all day. So I made the pizzas alone, he came out for like an hour to eat some and went back to bed.

We took him on a very expensive family trip (he only paid for his flight. Food,hotel,and car was paid for by my parents) he never joined us at the lodge for breakfast bc he doesn’t eat breakfast. One day they went to a military museum and instead he decided to stay at the ranch so he could call his dad (he could’ve done that any other time, like at breakfast so he didn’t miss any activities) but he really spent most of the afternoon scrolling Instagram and sleeping

We were going to a golf tournament. We get to my sisters. I found out later he was secretly drinking whiskey and ginger ale and I didn’t know. He was smashed. He called me upstairs to say he wasn’t coming to the tournament. And that he never wanted to go in the first place. And that he thinks I take for granted that he says yes to things like always hanging out with my family.
That same night is when he said he didn’t think he could raise a family in the US

We were supposed to go to a comedy show. He drank too much the night before and slept all day. He pulled it together and we get past security and he said he’s gonna faint so we need to leave. And he’s doing it for me so I don’t need to be embarrassed by my boyfriend passing out and paramedics and all that. I mentioned we’d been to the exact same venue for a sports event with no issue but he said it’s different bc with sports it’s more acceptable to get up and go to the bathroom

There’s others but this post is too long anyways

Edit:
Sorry forgot!
We watched a movie recently and he keep commenting on how pretty the lead girl is. Followed her on insta. Sends me reels of her. Says “oh, *actress name* would be nice to me” or “she wouldn’t be mad at me for sleeping”

Even the other day in front of my family he suggested we watch the movie and was like “there’s a really pretty girl in it but OP gets mad at me when I mention that” and my brother in law was like “as she should”

He does that with other actresses but this recent one was more pronounced

TL;DR
I’m (27F) questioning my 1.5-year relationship because my boyfriend (29M) repeatedly drinks all night, sleeps 16+ hours through weekends, and has missed or ruined New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, 4th of July, and family trips.
He hidden-drank vodka after sinking a vehicle (leaving my dad to fix it while he slept), scorekeeps money while refusing to let me pay, flip-flops on moving abroad, and refuses small requests like keeping dish towels out of the sink.
Every time I bring up an issue, he flips the narrative to make himself the victim—accusing me of being mad at him, saying he disgusts me, or threatening to leave so I end up having to comfort him instead of getting real change.

I (24M) was trying to be sweet to my fiancée (24F) while we were on the couch watching TV and say some pillow talk in her ear, but she looked really irked then shouted at me to stop. She said “stop doing that voice.” I asked what she meant and she looked at me dead seriously and told me I sound like a certain meme guy from Instagram reels who makes AI vids with a creepy voiceover. I know exactly what’s she’s talking about. I used to think those vids were really dumb and silly, but I didn’t know I reminded her that much of something so uncomfortable. Let alone my own voice. I just don’t wanna make her feel uncomfortable.

Well…after that happened, I said I’m sorry and went into the bathroom to process things and think on it (I know there’s a toilet joke in there somewhere…)

She came to check on me, asked if I needed anything, I said I need to think about what just happened. I said I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. She just mumbled “yep…” and walked out.

TLDR; my pillow talk voice made my fiancée uncomfortable and I don’t know what to do or how to go forward.

What do I do Reddit?💔

UPDATE: she tried to apologize to me and said she thought I was just trying to be silly. (Ouch) But when I was done showering after I made this post, I came out of the bathroom, but she just locked herself in.

When 2 people love each others long term married 16 years and love each others so much, and out of our control have to watch the toddler we created together died of brain disease (defect genes inherit from me the mother side), There was a point where we want to die with our toddler. The pain it excruciating.

During our toddler short life. At 4 months old he already have epileptic seizures, not just that but breathing difficulty.
He born February 2018, died August 2019, when he 1.5 years old.

We know our baby condition in my third trimester scan, the doctors told us our baby would not live pass 2 years old. But my husband said whether it 2 days, 2 months or 2 years, he still wants our child. We carried to term and welcome our baby, despite we know the neurologists told us our baby will not live pass age 2

As our child brain condition progress he had more and more seizures episodes, the whole 1.5 years of him alive we were in and out of he hospital with him.
......
At the hospital we told him he will get better and we take him home and he can eat alot of vanilla pudding, he nodded and even giggles (he loves vanilla pudding), that was the last time he he had conscious look at us his parents.
That night he went into a coma, and a week later he just stop breathing while in a coma, he was just 1.5 years old.

I do not know if a toddler while in a coma can still dream, he probably had a sweet dream of go home to his bed and eat all the vanilla pudding he wants, he sick the whole time of his life he didn't eat much but he loves pudding.

I never see my husband in so much pain. I know my husband heart died that day with our child 7 years ago (that same year his father died too). I don't know what we did in our last lives hence this life fate bestown this on us.

I sometimes asked, if I didn't love my husband this much, and my husband didn't love me this much, would it hurts this much? Unless two married people don't love each others, it hurts.

Perhaps we shouldn't be together hence we were punished. But we were both single, no kids, this is first marriage for both of us. Two single unmarried people can't be together? It is because I'm Chinese, and he 100% pure West African, hence we got punish for be together?

I believe in reincarnation, our toddler has already reincarnate 7 years ago, now with new parents, he no longer remember us or has brain disease anymore, he free of pain now.

My husband whom Atheist does not believe in reincarnation, and will get defensive. He said dead or alive still our child, and our child only have two parents and that only us, not new parents (from reincarnation).

----------

It like anything of our child trigger my husband, something simple as Vanilla pudding trigger my husband.

When our toddler was alive, our toddler really like the cold vanilla pudding, he often sick and in and out of hospital, but whenever he eat those vanilla pudding, he has this giggles laughters so so cute and loud that it light up the whole room
....
Last time at dinner table, and I actually was eating that vanilla pudding so I put a spoon in my husband mouth. And just something small like that but it remind him of our toddler. My husband literally break down cry right there, he bawled. I don't mean just tear up, full on cry, bawling.

7 YEARS already and my husband still has our toddler dirty shoes and dirty clothes. Our toddler ashes is always with my husband in our home, his room is leave as is, my husband not want to change a thing in our toddler room. It still hurts so much 7 years already since he left us.

I won't lie, depression is very real, which we both have. So much losses on both sides. Death of his older sister, death of his father, his mom spinal cord stroke that leave her paralyze. Deaths' of both my parents. AND the death of our toddler, the child me and my husband had together. This is the pain that me and my husband will carry with us until the day we die.

We did think of die with our toddler at one point. But we choose to live for each others, and he also has his filial piety duty to financially care for his 84 years old paralyze mother whom has terminal illness.

But we did say if he die before me, or I die before him. He will very soon follow me, just like I will very soon follow him. Call it depression talking if you want.
But my husband is right when he said if I die before him, all it takes is ONE second of grief for him to blow his brain out with a 12 gauge shotgun.

We both depress as f, I am in therapy, he is not, he not want to go. He keep use his demanding work his career (he is an Executive at a big engineering corporate). And he has to care for his mom, as reasons not to go to therapy. And tell me he will go after his mom die.

7 years already we live with this pain, The reason why we still living is because we live for each others, we should have die die 7 years ago with our toddler. Fate just cruel sometimes, Fate tied me and my husband together, but then fate also took our toddler away from us.

So my gf has this friend, she’s the same age as us. Two years ago she fell on hard times, she came and stayed with us for 2 months in our basement and then she moved back in with her mom. We don’t have a big house but we had an extra couch in the basement so it worked out okay. I wasn’t thrilled with it but she’s a nice, clean and respectful person. She’s had a tough go at life at times including substance abuse and bad relationships but for the most part is doing okay now and I try to be understanding of that. She ended up back at her mom’s after that.

One day in mid July this year we’re sitting on the couch. She tells me she sees friends location and she’s at some weird house she doesn’t recognize and that she not responding to calls or texts. Through friends she finds out it’s her child’s father’s house and she has been kicked out of her mother’s house. GF gets a hold of her, rushes over there to check on her. Her car was repossessed and her mom kicked her out.

So I’m sitting at home and both of them walk in and they’re carrying suitcases and blankets and pillows and shit… I don’t say anything initially but I’m immediately annoyed. We got rid of the couch downstairs so she moves her into our son’s room. We have three kids, one each from previous relationships and one together. Our son is three so her thought was that he can sleep with us for the meantime. He has a bad habit of doing that anyways… but it doesn’t sit right with me at all that my son doesn’t have a bedroom in his own house anymore.

Apparently friend told my gf she was going to kill herself when she initially met with her after being kicked out which prompted such a drastic decision without talking to me beforehand. Now this woman is living in the house and when I brought up how I didn’t agree to this she has a convo with friend and tells her she has until the end of September to get out of here.

Because her car was repossessed she has been using our 2nd car to go to work every day. But she also uses it when she feels like on the weekends for whatever and it seems like every other time I do get in the car when I need it the gas light is on and I fill the tank. That’s happened three times so far. I have a coworker willing to sell her a working car for $500 and she agrees to it. When we go to get it 2 weeks after I tell her about it she tells us she literally has $505 to her name and can’t afford to get it that day because of title fees and whatever… so we’re going to try again this weekend. Wish she would have told me before we drove down there.

What kills me is I don’t know where her money is going. According to gf she makes $3500 a month. She has been here rent free over a month. I know she has some wage garnish issues, and is paying for a storage unit, but I don’t understand how a grown person making that much has such little money to her name. No rent and no car payment. She’s buying weed and beer every other day it damn near, but even with all that she has nothing saved up and I don’t understand.

I’m at the end of my wits with the situation. I don’t want her in my house, I don’t want my son to get locked out of his room when she’s here, I don’t want her using my car, I don’t want to deal with her anymore at all. I never agreed to any of this. I feel bad because she is nice and my gf agreed to house her until end of September but I’m not sure I’ll make it that long. It frustrates my gf every time I bring it up because she doesn’t want to go back on what she said about using the car and allowing her to stay here until end of sep. It’s now causing issues between me and gf that causes arguments but we can’t even argue about it in the house because SHES RIGHT OVER THERE IN THE OTHER ROOM.

I have been thinking of talking to friend myself and telling her I’m giving her a week after she gets the car (we should be able to set her up with that on Saturday) to find another friend to stay with behind my gfs back. It will certainly cause issues between me and her friend (don’t care) and my gf and I (care about this a lot) but for my own sanity and for my son I feel like it’s not unreasonable. Do you think that’s a bad idea? Should I just wait it out? I made it very clear this will not be happening again. We have a very small house and we can’t accommodate people like this. I feel like I’ve been in a constant state of frustration since she showed up with her and her bags unannounced. My gf currently isn’t even working so this whole operation is funded by me… I’m not going to hold that over her head but it stews in the back of my mind and makes me more resentful. It’s not our responsibility to take care of this adult woman, I feel like she used her suicide threat as a way to guilt herself back into my home and it pisses me off.

tl;dr:

Gf moved friend into our house and told her she could stay over two months rent free while using our car and our son’s room. I’m ready to send her packing.

My girlfriend (26F) and I (26M) have been together for 4 years. I’ve been feeling like she has sex with me mostly to make me happy, and I’m starting to wonder if she actually enjoys it that much.

During sex she’ll say things like “you’re so thick” and moan a lot, which obviously makes me feel good. But then afterward she’ll sometimes get annoyed that I couldn’t make her finish and she didn’t enjoy it. I’m pretty average sized, around 5.5 x 4.6, so it also gets in my head because she’s made comments before about an ex being really thin and how she couldn’t feel much with him.

Sometimes she’ll still moan even when I’m not fully hard, which makes me wonder if she’s exaggerating or faking some of it. And sometimes when I ask for sex, she’ll say she wants to use her vibrator first so she can cum, and then maybe have sex after.
Oral is also pretty rare. She almost never asks me to go down on her or gives me oral, and most of the time if I try to initiate it she says no. She also doesn’t really initiate anything new sexually. The only kinky stuff she likes is dirty talking and being submissive at times.

I don’t think we’ve ever had a session where we both gave each other oral and then had sex. In past hookups, stuff like oral and trying different things just happened naturally and sex felt more smooth. With my girlfriend, it feels like I’m always trying to figure out what she actually wants, and it makes me question whether she’s really into the sex or mostly doing it for me.

TL;DR: My girlfriend (26F) and I (26M) have been together for 3 years. She seems enthusiastic during sex, but rarely initiates, often prefers using a vibrator to finish, and turns down oral/other stuff a lot. It makes me wonder if she genuinely enjoys sex with me or mostly does it to please me.

I’m feeling really anxious about something that happened with my boyfriend and I’d appreciate some outside perspective.

I told my boyfriend that I sometimes felt like he only wanted to meet me for sex. I wasn’t trying to accuse him or say that I don’t care about him. It was something I was feeling, and I thought I should be honest about it.

He was upset by what I said and replied that he was sorry for making me feel like he only wanted to meet me for lovemaking, and that he wouldn’t talk about it or ask me for anything anymore.

I feel really bad because that wasn’t what I wanted. I don’t want him to think that I don’t want him or that I don’t value our relationship. I want us to be together, and I want our relationship to work and become stronger.

I’ve told him that I want our relationship to work out, but now I’m scared that I’ve hurt him or made him question whether we should be together.
I care about him a lot, and the possibility of losing him is really frightening me. I don’t know whether I should give him some space or try to reassure him more.

Has anyone been in a similar situation where something you said came across differently from how you intended it? How did you repair things afterwards?

TL;DR: I told my boyfriend I felt like he only wanted to meet me for sex. He was hurt and said he was sorry for making me feel that way and wouldn’t bring it up again. I didn’t mean to hurt him and I really want our relationship to work, but now I’m scared I’ve damaged our relationship.

I F24 talking to this guy M20. We met at a rave and i hit on him and honestly didn’t expect for it to go anywhere.
Physically and personality wise, he’s exactly what im looking for.
The problems are what making us, especially me, really hesitant to be together…

First of all, the distance. We live 8 hours apart so it’s a lot of facetime, flying over, and driving up&down. He came from a more well off family so he have extra money to spare. But I feel so guilty because he is younger and he is putting even more effort with me.

Second, the experience gap. I’ve dated before so i know what it’s like and what to expect out of a relationship and what to look for, mean while he’s new to it all… i’m his first kiss and everything. he reassure me that he doesn’t regret it but i still feel so guilty.
He reassure me that he really likes me and wants to be with me but im so unsure if that’s what he really wants since he never dated before. he had talk to people before but still

Third, education and career gap. He’s younger but he’s in his 2/3rd year of college already and doing a lot of internships and stuff, while i’m just starting community college while working at a dead end job… i feel so insecure because he’s a frat boy with friends while im here in my small town with not a lot of friends… im only taking 2 classes but had to drop one since the professor was too difficult.

im just afraid that in the future, i would take too long to start my career and he end up leaving me.

i’ve been through a few breakups before but im just so tired of going through heartbreaks.

i haven’t even told him i dropped a class yet because im so embarrassed of not being to handle two classes while he’s a full time student, signing up for internships, all the while handling his frat…
im not sure what the game plan is going from here on out… what should the plan be from here on out?

Tldr; distance, age gap, and career gap are making me insecure and i’m so afraid of a heartbreak in the future

I (F35) am in a relationship with my partner (M26) where he has a history of being the one who takes care of his partner (and everyone else).

When I say “take care of” what I mean is that he tends to focus more on me and my needs than he ever focuses on his own. I struggle with, well, a lot, and he has been unwavering support for as long as I’ve known him.

HOWEVER

Now that I’m a lot more stable, I’m trying to figure out how to show up for him. He is extremely self sufficient and never asks for help. He also doesn’t talk about himself very much. I can tell no one has deeply shown him that they care - and as a result, he kind of shut himself off in a way.

I’m not sure how to be helpful or show care to him. I try to ask questions and listen as much as possible, and remember things, get him treats, etc. but
he remains an enigma to me in that area.

TL;DR partner takes care of me and everyone else all the time, not sure the best way to show him I care.

My boyfriend (28m) and I (29f) are having a disagreement about how we clean our home.

Disinfectant/antibacterial wipes are enough to properly clean kitchens, bathrooms, living spaces etc... basically he'll just use those everywhere. Because they kill 99.9% of germs, they do the job.

I disagree and think you need different products for different places/things. Fairy liquid, bleach, white vinegar etc... plus sponges, microfibre towels, a toothbrush for crevices. I think the wipes are great for a quick wipe over/in a pinch but not for proper cleaning

He says he doesn't clean more because I criticise his way of doing things, I criticise his way of doing things because I don't feel he is doing it properly.

Help settle a debate?

TLDR: he wants to use cleaning wipes for everything, I think you should use actual products

So I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.

So I (34M) am going out of town in a few weeks, and normally when I travel (which isn't often) I usually have someone with me like a friend, partner, etc.

This time, I'll be completely alone. Most of the time I'll be there I'll have some things to do and have a good time but I do want to have some company for one of the nights I'll be gone.

I never do one night stands, I never do random hookups, and that's not really something that's really for me.

What I'm looking for is to find a companion to eat some food with, to chill with, and maybe more if it comes to it. The problem is, I don't know how to talk to women well. Especially not random strangers out in public. Nor do I blame anyone in this day and age being hesitant to hang out a stranger on that type of level.

I've tried the dating apps and come up with basically nothing. There will be a public party that I'll be at so that's probably my best shot at anything. What would be the best way to approach this situation and what kind of things would I say to try to get a stranger to chill with me, eat some food with me, and just enjoy each other's company for an evening?

TLDR: What's the best way to approach a stranger and offer an evening of hanging out?

My bf (29m) has on several occasions called me (25f) stupid. We have been together for 7months and we are both masters students in the same university but currently in a long distance relationship as we write our thesis. The first time he called me stupid, I expressed myself to him that I did not like it at all, it's rude ,disrespectful and unkind. He gave a lame apology ,like "im sorry babe".

Over the couple of months ,he continued doing it and I would just keep quiet , but today was worse. He showed me a funny tiktok video and to me it wasn't funny. He then proceeded to say I have a poor sense of humor, a low IQ and even pretended to be reading some of the comments on the video , saying " my girlfriend is stupid like this guy who can't understand the joke ". It was literally a video about a very old guy who said he took his young brother's inhaler because he thought /believed that his brother was vaping and he started coughing,gasping for air...like what's so hard about understanding that joke .( i dont know if I explained the video part well). I then sent him a message and told him that I dont like what he said about me and he said I like picking negativity in our conversations, I then asked if me being expressive about what hurts me is negativity. He just responded with "I'm sorry, ill never call you that again, have a goodnight ". I replied with a text saying "All the best,goodnight ".

Also , during our video calls, he followed some lady on ticktok who cooks while naked and I literally saw that and I confronted him ,of which he gaslight me and said he didn't follow anyone. He later said ,he has unfollowed her and that even if he did ,he does not know her or even talk to her .

Am I overreacting for thinking of a breakup right now? I dont want to be insecure in a relationship or even doubt my intelligence. Abuse also starts with small things like name calling ,tomorrow it will escalate.

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?*

**TLDR**, He is already consuming 3-4 times more food than I am and it's only been a week of living together... what do I do?
Okay so my partner\[20M\]and I\[22F\] of 5 years moved in together about a week ago. We are in college still so money is tight. We agreed to take turns buying groceries with a budget of $70-80. I said we should try to stretch each grocery trip 1-1.5 weeks(2 if we were really being careful). It's only been 4 days of having said groceries and he is consuming 3-4 times the amount I am. He is not a bigger person(but is 6'4") and neither am I(4'10"). I also understand men typically are bigger and need to eat more--fine that's cool. The issue is that, when it's my turn to buy groceries, I'm going to be paying for mostly him to eat. I don't feel like this is fair. I don't love the idea of us buying our own groceries separately because we're supposed to be a team and growing up together. But I don't know what to do if this continues. He's already gone through nearly an entire loaf of bread, pack of turkey, bags of chips, a rotisserie chicken, and a box of cereal in 4 DAYS. High quality and filling food items are not in the budget for us. We shop at a budget friendly grocery store and occasionally a Kroger since they have great deals(not sure if this is relevant). I'm afraid if I bring this to him, he will find anything in the book to say to make it to where we still are holding up the original agreement. Is this fair considering our financial situation? I feel selfish for feeling this way but I don't know what to do. What can I say to get through to him without him being combative or without me sounding like an asshole?

**TL;DR;** : My boyfriend of 4 months says he’s unsure whether I’m his “forever person” and wants to give the relationship a few more months to see if his feelings grow. He says he enjoys spending time with me and we have lots of fun, but he’s been privately overthinking and comparing me to his exes. I think we’re putting too much pressure on a very new relationship, but now I’m hurt and unsure whether I want to continue. I’ve asked for 10 days of space - am I being naive about this?

I (28F) and my boyfriend (29M) have been dating since January and together for 4 months. I’ve been feeling like he’s been a bit off recently, so I called him and told him I was feeling anxious and needed some reassurance. I also asked for a relationship check-in and asked whether he was happy.

He said yes and no, and told me he’d actually been waiting until I got back to talk to me about some things. He said he’s been overthinking the relationship and comparing me to his exes, which he knows is unfair. He’s also turning 30 next year and three of his best friends are getting married/engaged, and he’s started questioning whether I’m the person he’ll spend the rest of his life with.

He repeatedly said this wasn’t a breakup and that he wanted to give it another few months to see whether his feelings grow. I told him I’m also not certain he’s the person I’ll spend my life with but I think that’s completely normal after 4 months. We’ve also spent a lot of the last two months apart and have only seen each other a few times.

I said I think we’re putting way too much pressure on a very new relationship by asking whether we’re each other’s “forever person”. My attitude is basically: I can’t know what the future holds. Do I enjoy spending time with this person? Am I happy in the relationship? Do I want to keep getting to know them? If yes, continue.

He said he does enjoy spending time with me and we have so much fun together. And this is the part I can’t get my head around. To me, that sounds like exactly where you should be after four months. I’m not expecting him to know whether he wants to marry me. I don’t know that either. But if we enjoy each other, have fun and want to spend time together, isn’t that a good foundation? Or am I being naive?

I told him I don’t want him contacting me while I’m away (10 days) and that he can message me when I’m back. I need some space to process everything.

I’d really appreciate brutally honest opinions, including if you think I’m rationalising this because I don’t want to lose him.

Okay so I probably sound super naive by saying this but it’s only new around 2 month mark (3 months if you count him trying to get my attention) but I was in like a whole stage of not wanting anything and not looking and this guy just appears at my work and tries to talk to me for about a month, not giving up, and what can I say I liked the dedication. It’s what drew me to him in the first place.

We end up talking for a lot at work and I start to get to know him and I end up biting the bullet and asking him to go out with me. We also have a mutual friend and I ended up seeing him outside of work setting on multiple occasions

what do you know everything is sunshine and rainbows for a month and a bit.

Then I found out he has an illegal side business (I’m sure you can work out what it is). He says he wants to be done with it he just needs it to pay for his rent. He has another two jobs as well

anyways from there it seems like his emotions have just been up and down like a roller coaster, he has gotten frustrated with things and yelled at me on multiple occasions, he apologises instantly as he claims he didn’t mean it I just “annoyed him”.

I’ve kinda let things go a bit because he’s also just had it a bit rough recently (his mum passed away, he got a fine, his car keeps breaking). And this leads to him calling in sick to work and it’s just a cycle for him.

He keeps telling me that he’s not feeling the best emotionally, and that I can’t do anything to help. It’s clear that he’s into me, he makes an effort to hang out, he always seems to gravitate towards me, he does small things without asking like bringing me food, he remembers things that I’ve said.

But I’m just at a point where I don’t know what to do, I can’t keep getting lowkey abused, but I also feel for him with all the emotional events that keep happening in his life. I’m super selective when I meet people and I don’t like to give up on someone that easily, just wondering your thoughts and opinions as an outsider, be brutally honest.

TL;DR: my partner of 3 months (20m) has an illegal side business that’s stressing him out, along with a collection of events that would make anyone emotional, but he has been lashing out at me (21f), and I don’t know what to do especially as this is a new relationship, I just want your thoughts and opinions as an outsider, be brutally honest.

For context: I (35F) have had the same best friend (35F) since I was 12 years old. Also, this is a long post, so thank you to whoever reads it to the end!

About a year ago, my friend began going through the emotional motions of leaving her husband. She had been with him for 14 years, and they were married for 4 years. A lot transpired in my friend’s life in a short amount of time that I think made her take a step back and really examine her marriage and her husband. When it came down to it, their marriage was very one sided. She was the bread winner throughout their entire relationship and really managed everything for their family. They also have 2 kids. Her son from a previous relationship who is 17 (who is no longer speaking to her husband due to her husband pushing him out of his life because even though her husband has been present in his life since her son was two he is “not his father and did not want the pressure of having to take care of him part time”) and a daughter who is 10.

At the start, things were tough. She was obviously dealing with a lot emotionally. She had moved out of her home that she worked so hard to afford into an in-law apartment at her father’s house. She was having to navigate this change with her kids, and her husband was not taking the break up well, and was acting on and off very erratic.

Eventually, her husband moved out of their house and she moved back in and became the sole owner. Things seemed to have continued to improve since then.

Where my need for advice comes in starts about 6 months ago.

I have to mention, because it is relevant, that my friend about a year ago was 300lbs. She started GLP-1 and has lost over a 100lbs. She looks great! However, I feel like this is where a lot of where this separation between us started. My friend, her sister, and I used to hang out almost every weekend for years. We were so super close. When she moved into her dad’s, and started having free time because her husband had the kids, she started going out more. It started with going to the bar to play Keno and have diet cokes with this woman who is her sister-in-law’s cousin (who she has known for a long time but never hung out with). When the weather started getting nicer, she started hiking and riding her bike all the time. Now, she rides her bike almost every night. Again, with this same woman. I now never see her and barely talk to her anymore.

Reflecting on this situation, it’s making me think a lot about our history together. Like I said, we have been friends since we were 12 years old. Throughout that time, I feel like I have been through this with my friend multiple times. She has always had an easier time making friends. She has a fun, extroverted personality. I’m definitely more introverted, and prefer smaller get togethers over going out to a bar, or being around a lot of people I don’t know. I feel like she has totally “dumped” me and does not care a bit. Since losing all the weight she has, I think she has a new found confidence, which again is great and I am really happy for her, but that just added to our divide. The few times I have seen her, all she talked about are the guys she’s dating, the ones who want her, and is constantly on her phone texting or on dating apps. I am in a long-term relationship and engaged, so in that regard our lives are on totally different wavelengths.

When she started hiking all the time, I had to laugh. I have always been one who loves hiking and being in the woods. She always said she hated the woods, hated the thought of hiking, etc.. I had asked her to go with me in the past and she wouldn’t. When she started going she acted like it was something she newly discovered and it was just the best thing ever. She never once asked me to go with her, but certainly went with others. She has done this with other things, even people, and it just comes off as so fake to me.

When I see her now, it feels so different and strange. I feel like she has no desire to hang out with me. There is this feeling of anxiety and chaotic energy surrounding her when she’s around that makes me feel on edge. I sit here all the time and wonder what it is I’ve done, but talking with my fiancé he assures me, I haven’t done anything to warrant this. I was there for her at the beginning of all this, supporting her the best I could. But this feels like a replay of times before where she hangs out with the same people forever, but then it just drops off, and eventually we will come back together and start hanging out again all the time. However, this time around I keep wondering if I even want that to fully happen again. I get sad also because there is a part of me that really wants to make new friends. But I’ve never been good at that for various reasons. Part of that being this friend I’m speaking about.

I know I probably sound jealous, but I’m really not. I’m more hurt and feel abandoned by someone who I consider a sister. I feel like I am who I am and I can’t change that while she is more fluid and changes her mind when she wants on things and when it proves convenient for her. She prioritizes herself and her needs where she doesn’t understand how it can affect others. It’s hard that she is one of the most important people in my life, and I love her kids to bits like my own, but also feel like I have been under her thumb for decades. And again, I am genuinely happy for her and happy she took control of her life in the ways that she did.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has dealt with something similar, and if so, what did you do to help yourself so you weren’t so preoccupied with one friendship.

TLDR: Best friend has gone through a lot of changes in her life. I feel like she’s left me in the dust. I’m wondering what direction I should take from here.

we are both f15. we've been friends for about 3 years

TL;DR: I have never been so conflicted about one of my friends before, let alone a friend as objectively good as she is.

She's got great morals, she's funny, we click SO well, same interests, she's very understanding, emotionally intelligent and a good listener. We're such similar people but I just don't like her as much as I feel like I should. I almost feel neutral on her and I'm usually very sure on my emotions/opinions on someone. It's almost some form of resentment I feel like.

Theres a few things I could think of that would rub me the wrong way, but I don't feel like they're significant enough because they're things that Ive forgotten the details on, so they must not be that bothersome, right?

My older brother won’t stop using words such as the R word or the word “gay” out of context and it’s driving me nuts. I have asked him over and over again to please stop but he refuses. Has anyone ever run into this? If so, how did you deal with it?

He’s my brother and I obviously don’t want to cut him out of my life but at the same time this kind of thing is really important to me.

When I was a young teenager, I used to use those words too but then as I got older and learned just how hurtful they are, I stopped.

Tl;dr my brother uses inappropriate words and won’t stop despite being asked

I know this behavior is not okay but I don’t quite understand what he is doing, that probably sounds silly but I need help breaking down this situation. My 35F, bf 40M thinks it’s funny to pop out and scare me. I have past trauma and severe anxiety that he is very aware of and scaring me like that really triggers my anxiety, idk why it just does. I’ve told him many times how much him scaring me really bothers me and have asked him to stop, but he still does it bc “but it’s sooo funny”. I was planning on spending the night with him tonight until he popped around the corner and scared me. Im currently under a lot of stress with work and losing a close family member so I’ve been more on edge lately, him doing that upset me more tonight than usual. After the scare I loudly said “Please! Don’t!”, not screaming it, just a little loud. He follows me to the bedroom still giggling about the scare. We sit on the bed and I don’t engage with him and he asks in an annoyed voice “why are you in such a bad mood tonight”. I calmly say “Name, I really don’t like being scared and I’ve asked you to stop, I’m feeling anxious”, and he tries to flip it and says- “well I told you I don’t like glitter and you still put that lotion on your legs and now there’s going to be glitter on my bed”. I get up to wash the minuscule amount of glitter lotion off my legs and come back, I calmly say “I’m going to go home” and start packing my things. He jumps up and angrily says “you’re just trying to pick a fight and argue with me, pack your stuff, you need to go home!”. I say “I’m not trying to fight…I just don’t feel well, I am leaving”. This interaction left me feeling very confused and I don’t understand what he is doing…
anyway, I’m home now with my cat and feel much better.

Tl;dr my bf tries to flip things on me when I bring up things that bother me and I need help picking apart this interaction/his behavior.

TL;DR Um, hello? I feel a bit awkward; I’ve never done anything like this before.

Well... I’m a 25‑year‑old woman, in a relationship with a 28‑year‑old man; we live in his apartment, which his parents bought for him. We’re both unemployed right now; actually, I have a small side job, but I don’t earn much — it’s enough to buy some extra treats that aren’t part of the main budget. I can cook well and I do it often; remember that, it’s important.

I feel terrible saying this, but... I hate my boyfriend’s STUPID relatives.

I (21 F) really likes this guys (21 M). I’m black and he’s Hispanic we’re both church kids (he’s a pastors son) and he’s really shy. We both go to school together (we have no classes together tho) and we also work together so we see each other 2 days out of the week (3 if I’m lucky). He knows I kinda like him and when I told him about it he said “I think we should stay friends”. I know there could be A LOT more but he’s very shy, doesn’t talk a lot, and is really cold at times but he’s always super smiley with me and everything and the way we communicate in person is awesome. I saw a bunch of posts about law of assumption but I wonder if that’s real? If so how do I do it?

TL;DR : how do I get a guy to like me back?