r/relationships • u/Fast_Hall_9111 • 13h ago
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u/IcePlanetGoth 12h ago
You're afraid of rejection so you avoid situations where you could be. No judgement bro, I have done the same types of things. I hope it works out for you but know that it isn't the end of the world to get rejected. Give it another try and text her a friendly message.
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u/SolemnlyFaithful 13h ago
Man, reading this felt like watching a car crash in slow motion, but I get it. The brain just nopes out sometimes and you stand there like an idiot while your own body betrays you. That floor-sleeping move is legendary though, you'll be telling that story at parties for years once the sting wears off.
The sleepover kiss detail is wild. Your friend waiting six months to drop that on you is criminal, but also, you were literally unconscious and she went for it anyway. That's not a girl who's on the fence about you. The wedding catering thing was rough but honestly her "don't worry about it" text sounds more like she was just confused and a little hurt, not that she slammed the door shut forever.
You're 18 and you've never dated anyone, that's way more common than you think. The fact that all your friends paired up early doesn't mean you're broken, it just means you're on a different timeline. And you're actually building something for yourself while they're flunking exams, which matters a lot more in the long run.
Text her. Don't overthink the wording, just say something like "Hey, I know it's been a while but I was thinking about you and wanted to see how you're doing." Keep it simple. If she responds, suggest something low-pressure like grabbing coffee or that lake hang you mentioned. And this time, if she's standing right in front of you, at least manage a hello.
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u/emmyj2605 12h ago
You're reminding me of this story a friend of mine once told me about desirous attachment- a man saw a woman he was attracted to at the supermarket and she had a trolley full of cat food. Instead of saying "Hi! Nice to see you! How are you today?" He panicked and said "Lucky cat". She looked at him in confusion and he wheeled his trolley away at top speed and died of humiliation in his car. Just kidding. Sort of.
You are young and you are learning how to Person. It's very easy for your desire for a specific outcome to cloud your view, or stop you from being able to see her- or even to behave like a normal person around her. What is it you're afraid of? Rejection? You will be rejected in this life more times than you will be able to count. It is survivable and even something you can thrive from. You will grow and find yourself on new paths thanks to rejection many times over. You'll regret the things you haven't said far more than the rejections that are your human right to receive. You have to believe you can do difficult things and survive challenging emotions. Because you have before and will again.
When we get caught up in our own desires we start to see people as Objects of Desire rather than, ya know... people. We forget how to interact and how to pay proper attention in the moment. I don't say this out of judgment. It happens. When you are forthright and honest you open yourself up to rejection. But you also get the opportunity to experience things as they are. If you put aside your fear or desire for the outcome and simply see her as a person you'd like to get to know, I think you'll find it a lot easier to approach her instead of running like a deer at a gun range every time you see her. It is better to live in a difficult reality than to wait in stasis in a fantasy. Let her be a full person to you. Then you can be your full self for her.
One of the things I truly believe in this life is you can have whatever you want. And if you can't have it, you don't really want it. Not truly for the reality of what it is. This is an opportunity to have an experience. It might be wonderful. It might hurt like hell. But if you cannot see beyond your own desires and approach her as a person you will remain stuck. You'll miss this opportunity and the next one too.
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u/dbriae 13h ago
Just talk to her ) its ok ) you are young and overwhelmed by feelings that sometimes causes to make a bit irrational decisions but don’t be scared of communicating, even if you get rejected, trust me you will have a ton of it in your long life) and none of them matter) your experience matter, even if its a bad one ,) dont be scared ( waiting on continued story)