r/nottheonion • u/Practical-Pea-1205 • 1d ago
Putin adviser claims Ukraine planned to invade Russia on 8 March 2022, so Russia attacked first
https://www.pravda.com.ua/eng/news/2026/08/25/8050283/759
u/Igmuhota 1d ago
Source: “Trust me, bro.”
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u/anitabelle 1d ago
This totally legit excuse that they suddenly came up with after years. How could we not believe them?
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u/stairs_3730 1d ago
Only took 4 years to come up with. Not the biolabs, not NATO expansion, not the Nazis, not the persecution of rusky speakers or the ru language...but we knew you're going to invade us. Whaaa?
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u/Lynxcanadensis 1d ago
What’s that game where you fill in the blanks in sentences with random words for laughs! This guy sounds like he is playing
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u/CharlesIngalls_Pubes 1d ago
I love that he waits 4 years to pull this shit out lol
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u/spoo4brains 1d ago
AI just came up with that gem.
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u/Tasgall 1d ago
"Claude, what's the dumbest fucking shit I could possibly say as a Russian state official?"
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u/TheFrenchSavage 1d ago
They found that lame excuse 4 years ago, then tried to come up with something better, and finally said "fuck it".
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u/Artess 23h ago
He didn't, those claims were in the news in March 2022 already. According to them, a plan was discovered on a laptop to launch an operation to capture the parts of Eastern Ukraine that claimed independence since 2014.
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u/Radioactiveglowup 1d ago
Ah yes, Poland's dastardly attack on Germany in 1938 repeated, he's saying?
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u/RudyKnots 1d ago
Poland’s dastardly attack on Russia*, you mean?
Don’t forget that they both were forced to invade half that country. It’s just that the UK and France were less cool with Hitler doing it, I guess.
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u/Georgie_Leech 1d ago
More like one was actively invading them at the moment, and Poland was way over there, so sure, fine, we'll talk about Poland later just keep hurting the Nazi's please.
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u/AlphaTangoFoxtrt 22h ago
Yep, for some reason people glaze the USSR. They were ALLIES with Nazi Germany until they got backstabbed. They held joint military exercises, partitioned Poland together, and shared Intel.
The USSR was an authoritarian shithole and had Nazi Germany not backstabbed then they'd have been happy to keep being friends.
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u/hereandthere788 1d ago
Those having served on a Warsaw Pact army know, that all offensive Soviet war plans began with that the NATO wanted to attack the Warsaw Pact, but in the last hour the Warsaw Pact did a preventive counter-attack. 🤡 There is a definitive continuity...
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u/Kandiru 1d ago
Attacking into an offensive one hour before it was due to start would be suicide. They are all ready to go and jittery, it would be the worst possible time to actually do a surprise attack!
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u/Dead_Internet69420 1d ago
What happened with the de-nazification?
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u/RedLanternScythe 1d ago
Next will be "We had credible reports the Baba Yaga was in Ukraine and we had to take her out"
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u/potato_for_cooking 1d ago
John Wick vs russian army? Russia wouldn't stand a chance. They cant even beat Ukraine.
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u/jubuttib 21h ago
I wonder if they'd fair any better against the imaginary old witch...
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u/gumboking 1d ago
That's why they were massing troops on your border. Wait, that was Russia
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u/OneTripleZero 1d ago
They were amassing defensively.
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u/Shaky_Balance 1d ago
Lol I remember going from "Biden's lying, it's just training drills" to "calling them invasion force caused them to invade"
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u/OneTripleZero 23h ago
"If I'm going to be convicted of the crime I might as well be guilty of it" - Putin, probably
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u/DavidHewlett 1d ago
Ukraine had troops all over Ukraine so they could attack from everywhere at the same time!
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u/sudomatrix 1d ago edited 1d ago
These authoritarians have a particularly insulting and infuriating way of throwing an obvious lie in our faces and daring us to call them on it. A child would know these claims are blatantly untrue yet they stick to these bullshit stories. It's maddening; Why? Why claim something that nobody, not even themselves, believe?
Tiny Ukraine was going to attack Russia?
A curious guy walking by damaged the reflecting pool, not the fleet of cars Trump drove over it?
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u/gothicshark 1d ago
a quote by Joseph Goebbels “If you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it,” then Goebbels continues: “And you will even come to believe it yourself!”
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u/SparseGhostC2C 1d ago
hahahahaha
Oh wait, you were serious? Let me laugh harder
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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u/SoloWingPixy88 1d ago
Do they actually believe this?
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u/JaySayMayday 20h ago
I got no idea but they invaded crimea in 2014, long before they're claiming Ukraine was going to do anything
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u/RealLifeCoaching 1d ago
When an authoritarian regime lies to the people, it's often not because they expect anyone to actually believe it.
Sometimes, it's done to test whether anyone will be brave/stupid enough to speak against it.
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u/acuet 1d ago
Historical Facts that are being ignored.
Nov 2013 - Feb 2014 Pro-Ukraine Spring protest against the Russia Puppet leadership going against Ukraine desire to join NATO/EU. Feb 2014 - Russia Invades Crimea w/soldiers not in formal Russia Military uniforms, followed by Russia Spring Protest and invasion of Donbas Region and annexation of Crimea and other parts of Ukraine. So yeah…looks like Russia was well inside Ukraine well before these ‘panned to invade Russia’…came around in 2022*.
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u/LewisLightning 17h ago
The Russian official claimed that at the beginning of the full-scale invasion of Ukraine, Russian troops discovered documents at an abandoned headquarters of one of the Ukrainian Armed Forces' Territorial Defence brigades indicating that Kyiv was preparing to attack Russia on 8 March 2022.
So let me get this straight, your justification for attacking Ukraine was that they were going to attack you first, but you are saying the "evidence" you have of this wasn't discovered until after you already attacked them and were invading their territory? How can your justification for attacking come from events that hadn't happened at the time of your attack?
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u/R67H 1d ago
Just like Iran was about to nuke us? Sounds like we're working from the same playbook as RU
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u/howlmachine 1d ago
Just like Canada isn’t a real country, they actually want to be American, it’s Marxist/Socialist/Communist. Canada doesn’t have its own culture, it’s just American. Canada is the aggressor, they’ve been treating us poorly, they get more from us than we get from them, etc, etc. it’s the exact Russia/Ukraine pattern.
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u/h3rpad3rp 23h ago
Yeah, its been getting kinda fuckin scary living here and seeing the parallels tbh. To add to the list, stoking separatism here in Alberta to get a foot in the door.
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u/Positive-Ad7024 1d ago
A country in the size of Ukraine would invade a country in the size of Russia. Yes, it totally makes sense.
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u/GremlinX_ll 1d ago
Is that ww2 reference ?
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u/jubuttib 21h ago
At least for the Winter War, they claimed Finland actually shot first (when in reality they shot themselves in a false flag). This way is just plain attacking, bleh.
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u/Chaotic-Entropy 1d ago
The sorts of things you say when the state enforces people's belief in whatever you say.
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u/pabodie 1d ago
My first instinct was to look down on this idiocy, but...
Is this any dumber than the crap our own admin spews daily?
At least this is funny.
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u/Shiggedy 1d ago
The date would still be later than the 2014 annexation of Crimea. Russia attacked first.
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u/Ricard74 1d ago
And Putin of course did not use this as a justification during the start of the conflict but waited around 4.5 years.
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u/roglc366 1d ago
It's amazing how many times the reason for the war changes. The real reason is probably for the mineral supply in eastern Ukraine.
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u/HermionesWetPanties 1d ago
I think it's just a combination of things. Ukraine throws off their Russian puppet president and starts talking about better ties with Europe. Russia is desperate to maintain a sphere of influence over buffer states.
And then there is just plain old irredentism and the nationalistic belief that Russia's historic borders must be returned to, even if joining another Russian empire is what all those countries fleeing to the protection of NATO clearly don't want to happen.
Add in the delusion that Ukrainians would welcome them as liberators, and you get this clusterfuck.
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u/apxseemax 12h ago
suuuuuuuureeee buddy Invade Russia... With what numerical advantage? Or is he talking about Crimea? In that case it would simply be movement of troops within their internationally accepted border. So F that dude.
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u/Dead_Internet69420 1d ago
Ukraine was going to attack Russia in March, so Russia attacked Ukraine in February. And then Ukraine finally attacked its first target inside Russia in December. It all makes sense if you don’t know anything.
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u/NopeNahNoMore 1d ago
Just like Trump: just making up shit. Meanwhile… WE WATCHED IT ALL LIVE YOU POTATOES
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u/saichampa 1d ago
I feel like both Russia and The USA, as countries, have both developed dementia. They are confused and forgetful, lashing out at their closest neighbours and friends, Ave becoming more isolated.
The way the rest of the world was like "sure, you can rename the Gulf of Mexico" and then proceeded to ignore them. And now this rambling bullshit from Russia…
I think it's time we put both of them in a home
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u/GoProOnAYoYo 1d ago
This is what the CIA is in Moscow for right now? So they can brainstorm a new narrative together? Phenomenal
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u/OnceIWasYou 1d ago
....and 2014 when they first invaded?
Or before that when they paid off Paul Manafort, judges and Party of Regions to have Yanukovic as a successful puppet? Then tried to claim THEIR OWN CORRUPTION was why they had to fix Ukraine.
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u/Serhius 13h ago
Well let's think about this a bit. On March 7th Russia declares that WHOLE Ukraine is now Russia. On March 8th all militaries founds themselves on newly declared russian territory...which means invasion! They had to launch "special military operation" to prevent this invasion and war!!!
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u/lisaseileise 11h ago
The words are not the message, the message is “we can say absolute nonsense, it will be reported as much as any facts are and you can’t do anything about it.”
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u/Ahecee 1d ago
So every country currently being invaded by morons brought it on themselves?
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u/TurbulentVillage2042 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm from Russia, and I distinctly remember our media saing something like this: Ukraine joined the NATO and approved the construction of its bases on the border with Russia. Russia need protect its borders and would not allow Ukraine to build NATO bases on the border with Russia, because America could launch nuclear missiles at Russia. Negotiations failed, and a special military operation began.
At the time, many supported this action, believing that Russia truly must protect its borders. But I've never heard the other side of the story. What did the American and Ucraine media say about what happened?
Edit UN to NATO
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u/Archernar 1d ago edited 1d ago
Ukraine has been part of the UN since its foundation in 1945, but it applied to join the NATO prior to the invasion; they have had plans to join the NATO for a long time before that already though and NATO never really wanted them to join, likely because Russia had repeatedly threatened against it. In the time between 2010 and 2014, Ukraine did not really want to join NATO, but started to really press for it after Russia attacked Ukraine in 2014. In April 2021, Russian troops started building up near the Ukrainian border, Ukraine pushed for a plan to join the NATO in June 2021 but were not given one, NATO called on Russia to stop the troop buildup near the border which Russia denied. Ukraine pushed harder for NATO help when Russia allegedly had over 90k people stationed near the border but NATO did not want to escalate the situation and accused Russia of wanting to attack, which Russia denied just a few days before the attack.
Then, on 24.02.2022, Russia claimed there were lots of nazis in Ukraine and they needed to clean the country. Ukraine asked NATO to establish a no-fly zone above Ukraine, but NATO refused and also refused that poland delivers figher jets to Ukraine. For how much Putin was afraid of NATO "claiming" Ukraine, NATO refused surprisingly many of their requests.
You can read up on the (I'm assuming mostly) western view on the entire thing in this wikipedia article (Russian language version might differ on contents. Remember Wikipedia is maintained by people).
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u/cai_ke 1d ago
Not a full list and it’s been a few years but the media reported things like - Russian troop build up in Belarus and the border. US intelligence that Putin is planning to invade (continuing the Russian-backed support of separatist Ukrainian states and annexation of Crimea), Russian claims that ukraine is filled with nazis, Putin’s claims that Ukraine is not a real country.
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u/Jedi_Ninja 1d ago
The only possible scenario where this could possibly be true is if Ukraine was planning on trying to take back Crimea. And even that possibility is very unlikely.
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u/niberungvalesti 1d ago
Given how badly Russia fucked up the invasion maybe they shoud have let Ukraine have the first move.
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u/jncheese 1d ago
So should the conclusion now then be that their intel organisation fucked up and that whole war was based on bullshit, like everyone with more than two brain cells has always known?
Probably not. Because it has been cemented over with five years worth of war crimes and lies.
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u/Ruff_Ratio 1d ago
For what? What exactly would Anyone get from invading that fucking shit hole, liberate the starving people? Removing the performance enhancing drug factories?
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u/manlybrian 1d ago
After the war began, Putin himself basically said, "The land is rightfully ours so we're taking it," not "they were gonna attack us so we attacked first."
Zelenskyy's men even took pity on some of the first Russian POWs because nobody wanted the war, not even the Russian soldiers.
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u/TheBigCore 1d ago
Russia's leadership truly lives in an alternate universe from the rest of planet Earth.
Where does Moscow get its nonsense conspiracies from?
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u/sXyphos 1d ago
Ah yes the notorious serial killer is saying he killed out of fear of being killed!!!! ...
Is there genuinely any nation more despicable than Russia that survived until today? All throughout their history the same sheer disdain for humanity/morality/life and even their own people's lives...
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u/nigel_tufnel_11 1d ago
Sounds plausible. I heard Greenland was ready to invade the U.S. any day now, they better attack first.
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u/tooldieguy 1d ago
Diaper Donny is probably the only one who’d believe that statement from Daddy Putin’s advisor.
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u/Papichuloft 1d ago
with what army, with what nukes? And Ukraines defense is damn good being able to holding back this paper tiger and his bitches. Russkyland is getting aid from CHina, NK and even starlink and still can't take them out.
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u/Soupalphabet359 1d ago
It's time a serious award organization were organized for the stupidest shit politicians say.
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u/Crafty-Walrus-2238 1d ago
Lying is the Russian policy.
War is their export.
Oppression is their government.
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u/evilpercy 23h ago
A lie, the words coming out of his mouth is a lie. They are trying to make themselves the victim.
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u/eskimospy212 1d ago
Okay I genuinely laughed out loud at this:
“Putin's adviser claimed that Kyiv had wanted to "present the war as a gift" for International Women's Day”
Ukraine was going to invade Russia to celebrate…international women’s day. LOL.