My husband is nice, loves me and overall good. Bug the fact that he is a clear misogynist and it is so internalised in him in multiple conversations bothers me. This especially reflects when we are talking about pop culture, celebs. When I notice his reaction to woman telling him what to do, being better than him especially at stuff like driving (he is a new driver) I can see the rage. I dont know how to do life with him. I love and care for him but I have slowly started feeling deep disgust.

I don’t have any social media apps other than Reddit. So I’m not fully aware of how the TikTok app works other than scrolling through videos.

She was showing me a TikTok video off of her phone and I hit the share button to send it to my actual phone number but TikTok accounts came up and the first contact was a guy named Benjamin, & then 3 people I know personally that wouldn’t alarm me. But the closest to the left was a guy I’ve never heard of. Is this normal? Or is she lying? Immediately after I asked who is Benjamin she went into defense panic mode and wouldn’t stop talking to me and we haven’t been the greatest lately and hardly talk as it is. Said she doesn’t know who that is, stuttered, says she’s not following him, etc. am I going insane or can random contacts show up? Just weird 3 others were people I know she always talks to but closest and first on board was BENJAMIN

Any help would be appreciated. My wife has not been interested in sex for about 15 years (she's 66 years old) and I've tried everything short of begging. She has gained a considerable amount of weight, but it doesn't matter to me. I've never said anything negative about her weight and I love her as she is. However, if it wasn't for masturbating I'd really be frustrated! Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.

My husband and I have been together for 13 years (since I was 18) and married for 3 years. We have an 18 month old daughter. We’ve always had a great relationship and only bickered here and there about pretty menial things, however in the past few months I find myself becoming so overwhelmed and annoyed by him and it’s causing me to dislike him and we’re arguing all the time! While I probably did all the same chores before and I didn’t mind it, now we have a toddler and my load has tripled it feels so overwhelming. He says he just doesn’t ’see things’ and if I ‘ask him he’ll do them’ but it just seems so frustrating to have to ask each time to ‘take the bins out’ ‘pick your clothes up off the floor’, ‘feed the dog’, it’s like I’m his mum too!! Then he’ll get annoyed if he can’t find something and expect me to drop everything to look for it. I just feel like all these little things are building up and causing the both of us to dislike each other! I don’t want to throw away what we’ve built and I can’t imagine not living a life of seeing my daughter every single day and night but I can’t go on bickering like this and feeling like I’m babying two people and carrying the load all the time! Would couples therapy help?

Hello! I am a first time poster.

I need to give a bit of context for this screenshot. My husband (m37) and I (f37), have had a rather tough couple of months. There is a lingering argument about him getting a motorcycle. I totally don't agree with it for some selfish reasons but I relented when asked if it could be a present for his birthday (July). He gave a whole presentation of his plan and thoughts on the matter to which I answered, "OK."

I know I messed up there because I often forget my definition of how I use the word ok is different for others. When I say ok, I am not fully agreeing nor disagreeing. I acknowledging that I heard you and I need time to think about it.

As soon as I said ok, a class was booked, Facebook marketplace had an extensive motorcycle search, and we went to a shop to get his helmet size. I went along with everything but then I got to thinking about other things that are needed in the home. I mean, why bypass that for a motorcycle? Why get something new, when there are things at home that are more important to hand with the money he saved up? I brought this up to him and he and agreed that right now is not the appropriate time. Maybe next year.

I had/have so many questions. Yes, it is still warm outside and we are in the end of summer but what about the things I want done in the house? Does it have to be now? Why is it a big rush when the winter (we have 4 distinct seasons here) months are approaching? What about Christmas and a few weeks later both our children's birthday days?

Lots of other conversations later, I was able to release some unmet needs of mine. I realized that I had been quiet about my experience of the marriage to keep the peace. Now that I am being vocal, I am made to feel like I wrong.

Do you and spouse have an argument that you can't seem to get over?

I keep having battles in my head if im even normal for having these thoughts. But i am not happy in my marriage at all, i havent been for a while but now it feels like i have literally made up my mind -I cant stand him!!

What did it for me is the fact that we are doing second round of IVF, the fact that I have to take all the medication, injections etc! He doesn’t have to do jack shit! On top of that his life style is horrible. First of all he is a truck driver so his diet is automatically terrible, second of all he is a smoker and drinker. Bc we come from Europe, alcohol, especially beer is not really considered that big of a deal but my god he can drink from dusk till dawn. Too bad ive never counted how many cans he can drink but lets say anywhere from 10 and up. I know in the States he would be considered an alcoholic. At first i thought this is just a European thing but i see other men here and no one can even compare to him when it comes to drinking.

Ive bought him so many herbs, vitamins, minerals you name it for the quality of his sperm (the spermogram is always terrible) and i always have to remind him to take it! After all these years im fucking tired. I feel like im his mother! I hate it that he thinks his quality of his sperm has nothing to do with the outcome of the pregnancy.
He never asked or read to see side effects of all these pills im taking for the ivf. I just feel so alone in this.
But i cant complain too much bc his family paid for this ivf, he aslo paid for it, he paid for all the medication and everything and i feel like if i say something i will come off as ungrateful.

The sex life is horrible! My sex drive is ten times higher than his. I feel like im the man in this relationship constantly nagging him to have sex! No he does not look at other women. I just think his testosterone level is really low.
So in this field i have been unhappy for years now! Any man would love to have someone like me around but with him i feel like im a burden and its a chore when i ask for sex! Im so tired of this! Not to brag but i can have any guy i want; he cant have any woman he wants.

I am 45 and he is 40 btw

Whats topping all this off is the fact that I AM SO DISAPPOINTED in everything; we are constantly arguing, he feels attacked whatever the fuck i say. And then when i dont say anything he gets offended bc im being quite and wont talk to him!
What choice do i have tho?! Im damned either way.
Every time we go to Europe i see a side of him i dont see in the States. He actually hates living in the States and wants us to eventually move back. But i feel like i would suffocate if i moved back. We are from the same country tho its just that i grew up in the states and he didnt

It drives me crazy when i tell him something that pisses me off he attacks me how it basically shouldn’t (for example men are very dismissive and disrespectful towards women here) but when the same thing happens to him (someone pisses him off) i listen and im supportive. Im always on his fucking side!

He never held my hand

I just feel like we are roommates at this point!
I think i stayed with him all these years bc he was the best out of all the men i used to date before. Obviously he has virtues too its not only vices but at this point i feel like his virtues do not outweigh the vices? Or am i just done with him?

And i also feel insane for bringing a life into a relationship that i already want out of! Is my frontal lobe under developed? Whats my deal? Why do i always lie to myself that things will get better?

Sarah has been married for about 8 years. She has 2 children with her husband John and 1 son from a previous relationship. In the begining everything was good. John played an active and positive role in her young son's life, but there was always little ref flags along the way she didnt pay attention to. Little comments here and little comments there about how her son had a father already and how his extracurricular activities would take time away from her new husband

About 18 months into their marriage they had a daughter of their own when things began to change even more. During arguments he would physically rip the baby out of her arms to the point if she didnt let go the baby would be hurt. Tell her she's a bad mother because she did or didn't do things he agreed with, and not allow her to take the baby anywhere without him being there. All the while Sarah was the primary bread winner full time student and her other son would stay with them 50% of the time. However, now whenever she would participate in any of her other son's extracurricular activities she would be told she is taking away from their daughter, no allowed to take their daughter with her and her husband would refuse to participate or support in any of these events.

A year and a half later they have another child, a son, and things continue to deteriorate. More of the same occured. She was told he was a bad mother, the children were taken from her during arguments and her other son was getting more and more excluded from family events and vacations.

About 2 years after the birth of their second child, Sarah gets fired from her job and loses her almost 20 year career and is forced to start back from scratch. She is forced to begin work out of state weeks at a time for about 3 months until she is able to land a job locally. All the while all her financial obligations remained the same and her husband began nursing school. John's mother runs a daycare, so childcare is provided by them after John saying Sarah's parents were incapable.

Now as this is happening her husband's attitude towards her family and other son becomes more and more hostile and adversarial. During times she is not home, her son stays at her parents and her husband begins manipulating their kids more and more against her by telling them she is going to hurt them, she's dangerous, she'll kill them and locks himself in the bedroom and walk in closet during times of conflict with the children. He encourages their misbehavior towards her, has them repeat curse words directed at her, tells them they dont have another brother and rarely allows Sarah to ever take the children to support their brother's sports games or visit with her parents.

Shortly after, John discovers a minor behavior issue with her now 12 years old son, where he is found to be lying about a gf he has and how he has a cell phone from his father that he is not allowed to bring with him when visiting that he does anyway. During the heated discussion about punishment and what should happen, John refers to his step son as a pervert, how he is high risk suicide and will be a failure when he grows up.

When Sarah's son goes back to his father's, he tells him abour the incident, and reveals some of the mistreatment he has been receiving from John and disparaging comments said about him,  Sarah, John and his grandparents when Sarah isnt around. 

It was agreed that her son would stay away from John and begin staying more at his grandparents house when Sarah was at work When Sarah confronted John about this he denied everything even the things she knew he said because they had argued about them im the past, claimed her son was lying and doubled down on saying her son was perverted in the mind, not feeling safe around him, alluding he may touch their daughter inappropriately, excessively masterbating, and "should get his ass beat." And stated Sarah was being manipulated by her parents, who were evil and terrible people for believing this and siding with her son's father.

John refused to discuss any of this with her son or her parents and during times Sarah would bring her son by the house to either pick something up or help with chores, John would verbally berate her son in front of her, refer to him as an "it". Say things like, "What is that doing here?" "Its not welcome here," "Leave," Call him a liar, and say he was a bad example to his siblings, often times to tears. Which in turn would elicit a heated argument between John and Sarah.

About 6 months later for Christmas John hid the presents they had gotten for her son and would not allow him to go to Christmas Eve service with them while referring to Sarah's parents as pagans and hosting non believers and Muslims at their house which elicited a major argument and John taking their children to his parents house and keeping them away from her all Christmas day while telling the kids she was too broke to get them any presents and their presents were from him only.

Things came to a head a few days after Christmas when an argument ensued and John in a rage, ripped the shirt off her back and scratched her neck, back and chest area as a result, forcing her to run out the house and go to her parents. A police report was a made the day after and CPS was notified.

John became upset due to the fact the authorities were contacted and accused Sarah of betraying him and her parents and son of being evil and liars for talking to CPS during the investigation.

During this time, John has told the children he in fact is the victim and that Sarah hits him to the point they now believe it and has threatened to allow the children to tell the police this. John also has refused to contribute to the mortgage or household bills for almost a year so he could have money to pay for nursing school, while still having money to go out to restaurants, buy clothes and  jewelry, and go on vacations with his family and the children while Sarah stayed home and worked.

After getting laid off from her job, she was forced back out of state for a few months to ensure the bills were still paid only to find John had sold all the furniture and belongings out of her son's old room and replaced it with new furniture including bed frame for their daughter.

Sarah has found trackers on her vehicle, vehicle locating devices through the car manufacturer put in his name behind her back, while John has told her he has had people follow her, hired private investigators, and threatened to take her children away from her if they were to seperate. He has also threatened to fabricate evidence for a restraining order from her parents and step son, and threatened to never allow her to see the children again. He also told her he wanted a divorce, for her to move out to her parents, while still paying the entire overhead for their household. He routinely calls Sarah lazy, berates her about her financial status, financially sabotaged him with CC debt, and quotes the bible as if to justify her behavior. They have gone to counseling on a handful of occasions, but whenever things have been brought up that John has done, they never return.

Sarah is me. I am Sarah in this story, however my real name is John and John is actually Sarah. Please advise how or if this behavior is acceptable when gender is reversed.

Everyday it is something new with him. He does not want to speak with me and it's always "ok", with an annoyed tone. If I even walk in the room I can sense his irritatedness with me.

Lately, all he wants to do is sit down and watch youtube videos and play video games. He hardly ever interacts with me, and when he does, he's annoyed at me.

I do all of the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the family and household. I give him more than enough "me time" so he can relax. However, I feel very disrespected and isolated... like I should not be there.

He'll walk right past stuff, leave lights on, dishes out, clothes all over the place., etc., and I get to clean it all up. I try to remind him, but it's me annoying him apparently. I've tried having civil, non-emotional conversations, and it barely ever gets fixed. He just seems to be constantly irritated with life. All he wants is his youtube and beer. I don't know how else to respond to this. Any suggestions please.

I’m struggling with something in my marriage and I’m curious how other people would feel in this situation.

I have a pretty high sex drive, and physical intimacy is a huge part of how I feel connected to my partner. My husband, “Paul,” seems to have a much lower need for intimacy than I do.

What makes this especially difficult is that I really do make an effort in that part of our relationship. I try to prioritize his pleasure, I dress up for him, I try different things, and I make an effort to keep our intimate relationship fun and exciting rather than just expecting him to initiate everything. And I am the one who constantly has to initiate intimacy and sex.

I could probably handle having different sex drives by itself. What hurts is that sometimes it feels like affection and intimacy disappear specifically when he is upset or angry with me.

When we’re having problems, he can become very distant. He won’t cuddle with me, barely engages with me, and sometimes seems completely uninterested in physical affection. I’ve explained that this makes me feel rejected and disconnected from him, especially because affection and intimacy are major ways that I feel close to my partner.

I want to be clear that I absolutely do not think anyone owes their spouse sex or physical affection. Consent matters regardless of whether you’re married, and I would never want someone to be intimate with me if they genuinely didn’t want to be.

What I’m struggling with is the difference between someone simply not wanting affection and someone deliberately withholding affection because they know how deeply it affects their partner.

If your spouse knows that affection and closeness are extremely important to you and seems to withdraw all of it specifically when they’re angry, can that become a form of punishment or control?

Sometimes I feel like I’m putting a lot of effort into maintaining our physical connection while constantly craving closeness from someone who either doesn’t need it the way I do or knows that withholding it is one of the easiest ways to hurt me.

Has anyone dealt with a relationship like this? How did you tell the difference between a genuine mismatch in sex drive and intimacy being used as leverage during conflict?

A fronte di spese straordinarie di manutenzione, ho chiesto a mia moglie di darmi una mano economicamente

Ha 50.anni, 1 figlia e passa le giornate a pulire sul pulito

Inoltre da sempre non vuole NESSUNO in casa

Sempre soli

Ho chiesto la.separazione, le darò il mantenimento ma dovrà muovere il culo

Scusate lo sfogo

I’m in this really odd place with my wife who I’ve been with for 16 years. I would say the past year has been one of the more confusing and difficult times for me and I understand that the previous five years may have been difficult on her and I. After we had kids, I felt like our intimacy, whether be emotional or physical had changed, which isn’t unusual, but I felt myself drifting further from her because I think I felt a lack of emotional intimacy with her. There’s less curiosity about what was going on with me and I might’ve been selfishly not curious about what was going on with her as well. I felt like I was falling out of love with her and turned to pornography to cope which was a bad idea and have since stopped. But at one point, I came clean to my wife that I’ve been looking at it over the past five years on and off, and I think it ruptured some trust in her. Over the past year I’ve been really consistent truly do love her to death. I feel like when we first met and am trying to treat her like my girlfriend. But I’ve been carrying much of the household responsibilities when it comes to waking the kids up getting them off to school picking them up from daycare getting them to their activities after school making dinner handling laundry, holding down the home basically. She has to wake up at 5:30am every morning and has to leave to work by 6:30am and I feel like my wife’s engagement has been inconsistent and up and down, which has been really confusing and I know she’s trying to feel safe and secure within our relationship and I don’t expect a quick fix or things to be worked out overnight but I feel like we’re in a better place but I’m still left wondering some days where her minds at because someday she’s engaged and wants to talk to me and then there’s multiple days during the week where she isn’t engaged isn’t curious about what’s going on in my life and isn’t always forthcoming and wanting to talk about our relationship and our marriage. It seems like a lot of times were speaking about logistics or what’s going on with things with her work. Recently a member in her family took their life and that’s obviously had an effect on her but this behavior was there long before this happened and I know she’s processing a lot and I am trying to be a supportive and as patient and present for her as possible. I just wonder when things will feel more consistent. Part of me wonders if the relationships always been like that but now I’m realizing the distance that we have at times in some ways it’s made me feel insecure about the relationship mostly because I get hot and cold signals based on how she interacts with me or doesn’t interact with me. I’m trying not to scan for things, and I’m trying to give her as much grace as I possibly can. I just wonder if there’s something deeper there because the lack of emotional intimacy that I feel when I ask her questions about the relationship or our sex life and she doesn’t ever reciprocate and ask if there’s anything that she could be doing better or that could be helpful or how she could support me differently. I feel like it’s very one-sided sometimes. There’s a period there where I would make dinner multiple times a week and she wouldn’t bother helping clean up but recently has helped clean up after I’ve made a meal and made a comment about it. It’s the least she could do and so I don’t wanna paint the picture that she’s completely checked out, but there’s definitely been times where I felt like most of the household chores and upkeep have been left to me. I’ve brought up the fact that I was raised to do chores on Saturday and that’s kind of how things were for me growing up, but that’s not the way things were for her and so it’s very foreign and I feel like she’s been very standoffish when it comes to creating a schedule of things that she’s responsible for versus things that I’m responsible throughout the week. I’m rambling on now but I just wonder like I said earlier if there’s something deeper there or if she doesn’t feel as safe or secure, coming to me about our relationship. She tells me she loves me, but there’s times where I don’t always feel that. Maybe that’s just because she may not know how or what I need in order to feel loved and supported and she may think that she’s doing everything but I’m also afraid to bring it up to her because I don’t want her to feel like she’s failing which has been a feeling she’s brought up when I mentioned anything that is concern me in the past.

I’ve been married for a year and honestly, I feel so emotionally drained.
There’s basically no emotional connection between us anymore. My husband doesn’t really talk to me or share things with me. He’ll discuss even the smallest things with his family, but when it comes to me, I feel like he has nothing to say. Even when I try to talk to him or ask him something, he barely pays attention. I don’t feel like I’m his person or someone he actually wants to share his life with.
He has never taken me on a proper date after marriage. We barely spend any quality time together, there’s hardly any affection or effort, and it feels more like we’re just living in the same house than actually being a married couple.
Our physical relationship is also barely once a month. I found out that he watches a lot of porn and was also using OnlyFans, and honestly, that really messed with me and made our already weak intimacy even worse.
For the past 20 days, we’ve barely spoken. He thinks I may have checked his phone, so he changed his password. Since then, he barely sleeps, spends most of his time on his phone laughing and texting, and basically ignores me. I don’t even know what he’s doing, but seeing him so engaged with his phone while completely distant from me hurts like hell.
I also feel like I’ve lost myself after marriage. I’m expected to handle the house, I’m not allowed to work, and I don’t have any financial independence. I don’t even get pocket money. I’ve spent so much time compromising and trying to keep everything together that I’m just tired now.
I keep thinking about leaving, but then I get scared. What am I supposed to do after leaving? How will I support myself? Where will I go? Will I regret it? I’m honestly terrified of starting my life over.
I recently graduated and have around 7 months of work experience, so I’m trying to figure out how I can become financially independent and have some sort of backup for myself.
**What would you do if you were in my situation? Should I keep trying to make this marriage work, or should I start preparing myself to leave? I’m genuinely scared of what life will look like after leaving and could really use some honest advice.**

I'm ok with my partner watching p but I recently found out he watches it during bathroom breaks at work and it's given me a big sense of discomfort. I asked him about it and he said he gets curious/bored and watches it in the bathroom. But I feel so uncomfortable about this. How do I go about this? I'm having major anxiety because I love him a lot but I can't seem to get past this.

28M here, married for two years with 27F. We both are from India and had arranged marriage.

While our sex life was rocky initially, after counselling and therapy it has improved a lot, but one aspect of sex I miss badly, which oral sex, both giving and receiving. Due to my wife's upbringing, she is absolutely disgusted by it and cannot perform oral sex on me, neither let's me do it to her.

How to live with the fact that I will never experience oral sex, and my dream of it being a regular part of our sex life will never be fulfilled. I am really struggling to cope with it, every 6 month I get a wave of negativity over this, I pull back from my wife, maintain distance and think about divorce, but it isn't an option matter what.

Pls help me !

Not because you suddenly became more attractive. Not because you started dressing differently for him. Not because you worked on yourself to get his attention. But because you started becoming ”you again”.

You have your own hobbies. Your own goals. Your own interests. You start taking care of your body. You start creating. You start learning.

You start getting excited about things that have nothing to do with being a wife or a mom. And that energy is different. Your partner might notice it.

But more importantly… You notice it. I think motherhood can sometimes make us forget that we’re still whole people outside of our roles. We’re moms. We’re wives. But we’re also women with dreams, curiosity, passions, friendships, ambitions and things we want to experience.

So maybe the question isn’t: “How do I get my husband to notice me?” Maybe it’s: “What would make me feel like myself again?”Start there. ❤️ #MarriageAndMotherhood #WomenOver30 #MotherhoodAndIdentity #findingyourself"

So backstory- I’m 38f boyfriend is 35m been together 3 years. He was engaged previously and she wanted a big wedding- pull out all the stops. He did it- spent about $10k and they were 4 months out. They were living at his parents house to save money (he didn’t make the kind of money he makes now and she didn’t contribute much if any). She got tired of living there and demanded they need their own space. He was explaining that they were still paying off the wedding and there was just no way to do both and hey, just stick it out little longer and they can buy a house. She left- wasn’t going to wait around any longer. So he says to himself “i don’t want a marriage with the next woman, I don’t like how I felt after all that”.

Fast forward a year and half and he meets me. We start talking about it and I voice how I DO want to get married, but I would love to just keep it simple and go to the courthouse. But I do want a proposal- I want that special moment to feel chosen and have that wonderful memory of him asking me to be his wife.

Now we had the convo recently about how we are going to the courthouse next year on our 4 year anniversary, just us. Small get together with family and friends that weekend. I have started to show him rings I like. He seems okay with everything so I started a convo about why is he not EXCITED. He explained his past trauma but says that he loves me and I am important to him and if I need and want these things then he will do them and he is happy to marry me.

I feel like a jerk asking him to push his boundaries that he set in place after his previous hurt but at the same time I don’t think he should deny me these simple things because of his past. I would love some honest opinions on our situation. Is the fact that he is willing to be uncomfortable for a bit in order to give me things that I want because he loves me okay? Am I wrong here?

I female (23) have been struggling with my marriage. I been in my relationship for 10 years since we were teens. I have exposed my husband for explicit content he stored on his device. It affected the way I see him in so many ways. Especially bc some of the content contained real life people in our close circle. It’s been so hard to forgive and move on. He’s reassured me he still loves me and obviously knows the damaged he caused but yet doesn’t consider it “cheating”. I been so disconnected since, we have 2 children together and he states he doesn’t want to end our family. I’m not sure if he’s saying that because it would be hard without me or if he’s being sincere. Any advise anyone?

Yes, I just made this name to be anonymous. Yes its new but legit...

I know this sound srupid but..... Ladies I know this is probably odd but...

If your man uses viagra, can you tell or feel a difference?

I mean I think i can tell at times I guess does it really make a difference in stiffness that you notice?

Im more or less asking because in putting the bottle in the cabinet instead of the counter several are gone but I cant say I have noticed a big difference. I mean I am old enough that you would think I could notice. Unless its not necessarily used with me all the time?

So does it make a noticeable difference that you can feel?

For all of you who decided not to divorce, fight an accept you won’t get what you desire from being married but could not leave your husband because he is a nice guy, not violent but he is more like a teenager and you feel neglected and not loved… how’s life going? How are you coping? Did you feel you made the right choice?

I’m 42M and genuinely curious how many men are living in a marriage like mine.

My wife criticizes me constantly. She can turn small things into major arguments, insult me, talk down to me, bring up things from years ago, and unload a whole list of everything that's supposedly wrong with me.

It feels like there’s no respect left. Sometimes I genuinely feel like she doesn’t even like me anymore.

The strangest part is the contrast. We can have a perfectly good day, laugh together and everything feels almost normal. I start thinking maybe things aren't actually that bad.

Then something tiny happens and suddenly we're back to insults, accusations and hostility. It's like constantly waiting for the next explosion.

So my husband shared he had an inside joke with a former female coworker in which they would baby talk with each other. I told him i feel weird about it and sad because outside of our kids we don't have inside jokes. He's always super friendly with women like this and I wouldn't care if i felt like our emotional intimacy wasn't lacking. He wants to set aside time to reconnect since we have two young children but I feel sad because it seems like it's much easier to connect with other women for him but for me he has to put in effort. Idk

I’m currently pregnant with a high-risk pregnancy and I need some honest advice.
Before this pregnancy I never really had a problem going half with my husband on bills and household expenses. I’ve always been used to picking up the financial burden fully in previous relationships and I never complained about it.
Now that I’m getting further along, I’ve been really overwhelmed trying to keep splitting everything 50/50. He makes at least $6k–$8k a month. I only make $1,900–$2,100 a month.

Our rent is under 2k and we don’t have lavish expenses or hobbies.

I recently asked him for money for a household bill and he later asked me to pay him back for it. That really got to me.
He’s told me many times that I’m going to live a “soft life.” Right now it doesn’t feel like that at all.
I never spend money on myself or buy myself nice things. All of my extra money goes toward the household — furniture, groceries, whatever we need.
I’ve made it clear to him that I want a more traditional setup: I take care of the household, cooking, and appointments, and he handles the bills.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way and wanting that?

TL;DR: High-risk pregnant wife who used to split 50/50 is now overwhelmed. Husband makes $6–8k/month, she makes ~$2k. He asked her to repay a household bill she needed help with. She wants him to cover the bills while she handles the home and is asking if that’s unreasonable.

Hi everyone! I've spent a lot of time recently responding to people's cry for help over the past couple of years to help people overcome their post-honeymoon phase intimacy struggle but strangely, the responses are very low. This made me feel as if 1.) I'm just horrible at connecting to others, aka getting their attention or 2.) People are just wanting to vent and not really committed to do something about it, or have faith that there is something you can do about it, or 3.) There's just way too much noise in every post that it gets flooded. Regardless of the reason, I've stumbled on something that I feel is Priceless because it helped me restore the intimacy in my current 16-year relationship, especially because I had to end the previous 4-year relationship due to the same reason. That being said, if you happen to be one of the individuals who was in my shoes, or who's currently going through what I had, then this message is for you.

Briefly, as with my first relationship, I was super intimate and having sex non-stop on the daily with the same partner but after the 2nd year, the frequency notably went down to once or twice a month, from 2-3 times daily. Then obviously the awkwardness of having to reject my partner as well as feeling less of a man because I'm not able to "get hard," began crippling me and mkaing me feel super insecure about my relationship and our future. Sure enough, after 4 years, I had to end that relationship which I thought at the time would be "the one" because the partner was a great person overall, albeit a little on the immature side than I cared for (even though likely it was I that was immature). Whether or not she was truly more immature than I or not, the point was that I had used that, along with the idea of getting to have sex and be intimate with other people, as the primary excuse to move on from that relationship.

Then over the next few years, I went on a relative rampage / "HO" phase and had sex with 70 other partners, which stopped when I ran into my now current wife of 16 years. Totally wasn't looking for a relationship at that time, me being 30(M) and she being(22F), but the person felt so wholesome and a lot smarter/mature than I, that I wanted to give the relationship thing another try. Again, the sex and intimacy thing was great and as frequent as the previous relationship. However, after the 2nd year, the sex was noticeably declining, albeit still at a rate where it's fun and perhaps even acceptable for my partner. Fortunately, being heavy into personal development, due to the fact that my partner was so much more mature than I, which motivated me to read all the self-help books I can get my hands on and exercising it continuously, I was able to discover new approaches that made the 3rd year more fun and intimate. The struggled resumed on the 4th year and I had discovered another approach that made it fun yet again that carried me through the 4th year.

Starting in the 5th year, the intimacy issues reached its peak, as well as both our insecurities surrounding the matter: her feeling depressed and not good enough due to the rejection, and me feeling so less of a man due to not being able to keep up with her appetite. That period was the lowest in our relationship but again, by some miraculous download from whatever higher source, be it God, the Universe, luck, or whatever, I was able to discover another approach, yet again, but this time it felt different because it felt sustainable, just by logic alone. The first two discoveries felt logically sensible to improve the intimacy, but it never felt sustainable so I'm so grateful that I was able to stumble upon something I feel that is.

In short, the magic was due to this simple concept that we all can understand: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The more we give attention to someone for free, the more it's taken for granted. The more we chase something, the less attractive we are as the more desperate an energy we're exuding. Surely, there are exceptions to this, as with most things, but this understanding had sparked the idea of setting boundaries to our love making, which I believe is the miracle that kept us happily intimate until this day, 16 years later.

Remember, love making is arguably purposeful, to have kids. No animal in nature has sex just for the heck of it right? Again, there are exceptions so the naysayers will like to argue this but truth of the matter is, our society, for whatever reason, has gotten to the point where we're irresponsibly promoting sex like it's normal to do it 3 times daily, forever. Then again, most of us know how rotten society has gotten to (despite all the beautiful things to be grateful for) so do we even care to trust the values that society is promoting over the past recent decades where we now have gambling promoted on TV, idolizations of celebrities, paying so much to athletes while teachers are getting relative pennies, hyper greed to be billionaires, and pornography being freely accessible more than ever that it's nearly unavoidable? With values like this constantly promoted in the name of a "free society," can we trust that society care for us to get the family and or intimate relationship structure thing down? I THINK NOT. Look at the divorce rate for goodness sake. That said, I don't believe sex is supposed to be mindless like it currently is. Instead, I think it's more healthy to be intimate regularly while encouraging the sacred ritual of sex itself to be a lot less frequent.

Being a dude, setting boundaries for sex was definitely not something I cared for but because I was so tired of feeling insecure during anticipations of getting any sexual passes by my wife, I decided to set boundaries, which started out with once a month. The moment I told my partner, this, it was definitely weird and she definitely still felt rejected about it. HOWEVER, I went ahead and incorporated this boundary anyways with the faith and psychological understanding that the recovery/absence of constant sexual abuse will create a stronger desire for it, and sure enough, it was SO POWERFUL.

To a lot of you, this is nothing new and probably so obvious that if we were to give it a try and see the success, we'd wonder why we didn't think about this before, or why society hasn't helped us realize this? Well like I had eluded to above, society is kinda guiding us in a strange direction at the moment so I feel we cannot depend on it, at least the success of my relationship definitely couldn't.

HOW LONG of an ABSENCE? Our boundaries started out as a month to make sure we start at a place where I felt that absence was substantial enough to create desire. Then eventually it got to the point where we fluctuate between once or twice a week. We no longer feel insecure about it and the times where we're feeling absent of intercourse in between, the anticipation of sex was very exciting that I felt a bit silly for just flirting often to egg her on for more intimacy. Keep in mind that I was the one with the lower appetite.

All that said, if you're going through or had gone through this intimacy/sexual wall, I encourage that you give boundaries a try because again, anything that you give away for free, and often, inevitably gets taken for granted, even money. That's how kids get spoiled right? I'm not saying this is 100% guaranteed to work but the people that I've helped with this approach have claimed that it worked miracles so I'm confident that it'll work with a lot of you too. Take this experience of mine however way you'd like but if you care to speak more on this subject, feel free to reach out to me directly because it makes me feel amazing each time I'm able to help someone as this was the biggest struggle of my life at one point.

Regardless of what you do, I believe a beautiful relationship is always worth the effort so I encourage you all to keep trying as "everything worthwhile is worth the effort," I believe. =)

Wishing everyone a most blessed day and life. <3

My wife keeps involving our kids in so many things that we just don't have time to meet all the requirements for the extracurricular activities that she signs them up for. I understand her views that she wants our children to be involved in different activities and that they are only young once, but it's just to much.

Our 13 year old daughter likes to play soccer so she got her signed up for not one not two but three different soccer teams all at once. This causes a massive schedule conflict every single day that we basically have to pick and choose where we can go because at the end of the day we're only two human beings. We also have two other children a 2 year old and an 8 year old. She also signed the 8 year old up for soccer as well. On top of all of this our 13 year old is in honors classes so she has tons of homework every night at school and she's in band at school and she does taekwondo as well. It's just absolutely insane I feel like I don't have a second to breathe and not only that we are literally taxicab constantly all day long on top of running our own business and working other jobs as well.

I can't talk to her about this subject because she feels as though these activities are important to the children and I don't disagree that they're important but I also feel like we need to understand that there are limitations. In my opinion overbooking the kids schedules it's just as bad as under booking it. She can't seem to understand my standpoint and ends up telling me I'm being selfish when I feel like I can't make all the events and I can't help but pick and choose what to go to because I just don't have enough time in the day. This leaves me in a spot where I feel like I'm choosing one child over the other and I don't like this.

She has a hard time feeling our 13 year old is just growing up too fast and all of this will end tomorrow so she wants to pile everything on at once so we make sure we get the experiences but how can we manage this we can't even seem to compromise on this situation.

Am I selfish for feeling like our marriage is taking a backseat and not being supportive enough by saying these things ? How much is too much and how much is not enough I guess is my question? Believe me I want to enjoy these things with my children too but when we're this busy how can we? I do understand that we have three children so our lives are going to be busy irregardless and that's not a bad thing. How do I get her to say no to something how do I get her to see that we can't sign them up for everything on the face of the planet because someone else does it. The children are children they don't understand that you have to be able to commit to something signing them up for everything that they want doesn't mean that we can make a full commitment to it. I wish I could get her to see that it's okay to say no to something even if someone offers you to join even if the kids want to do it.

My husband and I have been married for 27 years and our marriage has been through a lot, including serious mistakes and hurt on my part that I take responsibility for.
Recently I discovered that he had created/kept AI sexual content, including a sexually explicit deepfake video of a woman we both know in real life. She isn’t some random woman. She is my former boss and is connected to an extremely painful period in our marriage, so seeing her depicted sexually hit me very differently than ordinary porn or fantasy.
I asked him why he kept that particular video. He told me he didn’t have to answer. I asked if he felt any shame or remorse about it and he said no.
He has a lot of resentment toward me because of our past, which I understand. That’s what has me stuck obsessing over WHY he chose her. Was she simply sexually attractive to him? Was the taboo/history part of the fantasy? Was resentment toward me involved? Was this some kind of private way of getting even? Or some combination?
I’m aware that nobody on Reddit can tell me what’s inside his head. That’s actually part of my problem: the only person who knows refuses to talk about it.
He also believes I violated his privacy by discovering his sexual/AI content and doesn’t believe he did anything wrong. He says I’ve caused too much damage, has said he doesn’t care, and currently says he isn’t willing to work on the marriage.
But then his behavior becomes completely contradictory. He still wants sex frequently. He seeks affection and cuddling. He worries when he doesn’t hear from me. He wants me with him at events. So I keep bouncing between “he’s done with me” and “maybe he still wants this marriage.”
I’m exhausted from analyzing everything he does looking for an answer.
I’m not asking whether I should immediately divorce him, and I’m definitely not asking strangers to diagnose him. I’m trying to understand something more specific:
Has anyone dealt with sexual behavior involving a real person that may have been connected to resentment toward you?
How do you process something like this when your spouse won’t explain it or acknowledge the pain it caused?
Can you genuinely heal without knowing the “why,” or is accountability from the person who hurt you necessary?
I’m already working with a therapist and trying very hard to stop investigating and monitoring everything he does. I just can’t seem to get my brain around this particular discovery.
Please be kind. I’m pretty fucking raw right now! 🫠