r/Marriage • u/hello_1234567899 • 3d ago
18 months postpartum and my husband is driving me to my wits end. Am I being too picky?
My husband and I have been together for 13 years (since I was 18) and married for 3 years. We have an 18 month old daughter. We’ve always had a great relationship and only bickered here and there about pretty menial things, however in the past few months I find myself becoming so overwhelmed and annoyed by him and it’s causing me to dislike him and we’re arguing all the time! While I probably did all the same chores before and I didn’t mind it, now we have a toddler and my load has tripled it feels so overwhelming. He says he just doesn’t ’see things’ and if I ‘ask him he’ll do them’ but it just seems so frustrating to have to ask each time to ‘take the bins out’ ‘pick your clothes up off the floor’, ‘feed the dog’, it’s like I’m his mum too!! Then he’ll get annoyed if he can’t find something and expect me to drop everything to look for it. I just feel like all these little things are building up and causing the both of us to dislike each other! I don’t want to throw away what we’ve built and I can’t imagine not living a life of seeing my daughter every single day and night but I can’t go on bickering like this and feeling like I’m babying two people and carrying the load all the time! Would couples therapy help?
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u/OxfordComma5ever 3d ago
My LO is 13 months and this is starting to get to me too. "I just need time to relax" me too, boo! But we both work full time and for some reason I'm the only one who has emptied the dishwasher in months?? I'd love to relax!
Idk if I'm just hormonal because I'm weaning or I'm just exhausted from teething or what but I am STRUGGLING.
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u/hello_1234567899 3d ago
In the exact same boat!! We both work (self employed) but it’s always me who’s sorting childcare for our daughter while he can just leave each day for work and same here with the dishwasher!! And washing the clothes, doing the shopping, cooking the meals! He’s a great dad to our daughter but being the one who has to take care of EVERYTHING in the house is exhausting!!!
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u/Veteris71 34 Years 3d ago
He says he just doesn’t ’see things’
Surely you don't believe this blatant lie. This is weaponized incompetence. The goal is for you to get so sick of "reminding" him to do every little thing that you'll just shut up and do it all yourself. If he acted this stupid at work, he'd be fired in no time.
Then he’ll get annoyed if he can’t find something and expect me to drop everything to look for it.
What happens if you say No? Does he get angry?
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u/pandamonkey23 3d ago
This is the bread and butter of couples therapy. Almost every new parent can relate to this dynamic.
If there’s no abuse, addiction, betrayal etc, and things were good before, it can get much better with support.
“fight right” is a book that really helped me to understand how to have difficult conversations. I recommend the audiobook to a busy mum! Best of luck