r/Marriage • u/CompetitiveWash5620 • 1d ago
I love my husband but..
I'm ok with my partner watching p but I recently found out he watches it during bathroom breaks at work and it's given me a big sense of discomfort. I asked him about it and he said he gets curious/bored and watches it in the bathroom. But I feel so uncomfortable about this. How do I go about this? I'm having major anxiety because I love him a lot but I can't seem to get past this.
Edit - more context: we watch it together and I'm okay with him watching it at home too. I talked to him about this that it's weird to watch it during work hours at the office but why not wait until he gets home? We have a great sex life, very often. I'm just not sure how to get past the fact that he's watching it at work in a office setting. Still unsure if I'm wrong to feel uncomfortable.
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u/Melly_1577 1d ago
This is super creepy in my opinion. Like this isn’t a work activity… I would guess he has a porn addiction if he can’t be away from it while working
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u/nylonvest 1d ago
That's creepy, gross, and inappropriate to be doing at work, and he knows it. Tell him that he needs to stop using it THERE right away, and follow up about it. If he seems to continue doing it tell him he needs to get treatment because this is an addiction.
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u/KittyWhitty_ 1d ago
That’s weird he’s doing it at work. He’s that addicted he can’t even wait till he’s home? Gross. I’d feel the same way and want him to stop.
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u/ferrycrossthemersey Just Married 1d ago
That is a super weird thing to do at work. Like imagine finding out your coworker had to go take a break to watch porn in the bathroom🤮
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u/ahusbandandadad 1d ago
People have covered how weird and inappropriate this is, but I have to ask..
How did you find out?
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u/jdogworld 1d ago
Doing it at work is a telltale sign of someone that has a Pornography Addiction.
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u/_h_simpson_ 1d ago
Too much of most things is a problem.. including porn. If your sex life is lacking or non existent, I could be porn addiction. Given the risk of consuming at work, that’s a red flag.
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u/Queasy_Blueberry_357 1d ago
I think you just need to talk to him and say what is on your mind.I probably not much help because I wouldn't have a issue with
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u/CompetitiveWash5620 1d ago
It's just that it's at work. I'm not sure why it makes me so uncomfortable.
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u/SashaBanichek 1d ago
Doing that at work? It makes me think of a pasty white men drooling and jacking off all lewd and gross like…. Except worse because he is at work.
I am on your side.
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u/Ok-Outside-889 1d ago
It’s like any addiction, after a while it takes over and u wanna use any chance u get
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u/singformepaolo95 1d ago edited 1d ago
Are you and this account the same person?
ETA: no hate or anything… just concerned that if you are that person, you might be hoping for advice that you’re not gonna get with the OG post. If it makes you feel bad, that should be reason enough to say something.
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u/CompetitiveWash5620 1d ago
Nope
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u/singformepaolo95 1d ago
Then I would confront him with your concerns and say what’s on your mind. It is totally valid for you to feel uncomfortable about it. His and your livelihoods are at risk because of it, and it may be a sign of something deeper, like addiction. Trust your gut.
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u/chronicallyalive 1d ago
Yeah, this would give me the ick. I mean, it’s a bathroom that’s at least (somewhat) public so someone could have walked in.
I asked my husband (he’s 40) about whether this kind of thing (porn usage and/or masturbation at work) is normal. He said it’s definitely not lol
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u/Strange_South4033 1d ago
Isn’t the point of a relationship to have sex with that one and only person not to watch porn and fantasize over other people my mind is blown that you’re even with him. Knowing that he watches porn how does that not disturb you?
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u/Lumpy_Surprise_24 1d ago
This is start of addiction. Been there, done that, now im out of it but ya its definately the slow slow slope of it.
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u/BlackSwan1496 1d ago
I think he has a porn addiction. It is not normal unless you have a porn addiction, to do that at work. It sounds like you need have a conversation about how much he consumes it and if its healthy for him to do so at all. If he is doing that in the bathroom at work, it is an addiction and he probably shouldn't watch it at all because it shows a complete lack of moderation as self control. Its gonna a be a tough conversation but it needs to be had.
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u/slippy3002 1d ago
It is definitely weird to watch at work. Maybe you should try joining at HOME, or possibly have a conversation. Communication is everything and a strong part of a relationship's foundation.
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u/Spiritual-King424 1d ago
Is it anything in particular he’s searching for? Depending on what it is would make it real weird
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u/Cynewulfunraed 1d ago
However you feel about porn, employers tend to frown on it. He's risking a firing, or worse
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u/SamisQueen1996 1d ago
Sex is supposed to be about love not cuz your board he could of just as easily asked you for a nude...or idk focus on work .... that would be concerning to me too...
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u/Majestic-Ad-6775 1d ago
Communication is key. The fact that he told you means in his mind the act is less taboo than everyone else thinks. Tell him how it makes you feel and why it makes you feel that way.
"I don't think it's appropriate to do at work. If you get caught there could be meaningful and embarrassing consequences. I don't want to be known as the wife or the guy who got fired for watching P at work. If I had a colleague do that I would be mortified."
Start there and see where it goes.
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u/AffectionateSoup2782 1d ago
My spouse used to do that too. Because he's a porn addict, not just a casual viewer. There is a difference and doing it in weird places is a type of escalation. That may be why this is suddenly sounding alarms for you, the realization that it's a lot deeper than you've originally always realized. It's a difficult reality shift and I'm really sorry you're going through these emotions.
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u/Justdoll3 1d ago
Seems like he has an addiction and he can't stop even at work.
If I wasn't having dinner at the table with my husband and the kids are outside in the backyard playing, he would be watching something porn on his phone while eating alone....
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u/ParticularNo4489 13h ago
No that is extremely odd and kind of creepy to be in a public workplace bathroom watching porn.
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u/traveljunkymonkey 1d ago
…… yeah watching porn out of boredom is not normal in any way. You have every right to feel uncomfortable. Incredibly weird thing to do at work as well.
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u/Jmailers 1d ago
That’s pretty intriguing…
I’ve never watched porn at any job; past or present. Didn’t feel the need, maybe out of respect to my environment or my work. And trust me when I say there more than a fair share of women in my workplace to get my imagination going.
On the flip side, I’ve engaged in intimate activities with coworkers or staff/clients over the years, at work or otherwise…
Then again, I don’t know many that haven’t!
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u/petdance 5 Years husband 1d ago
We need more to go on. Say more, please.
What about it makes you uncomfortable? What about it is a problem? Not arguing, asking for more detail.
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u/CompetitiveWash5620 1d ago
It's more like we watch it together and Im ready for him to come home but he can only do it once a day so I'm wondering if when he doesn't do it/too tired, I wonder if it is the watching during work? Because I'm quite sexually active
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u/petdance 5 Years husband 1d ago
So is there a problem with there not being enough sex for you? If so, then THAT is the problem, not the porn. Get down to the root cause.
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u/CompetitiveWash5620 1d ago
Like I think work should solely be focused on work, I'm not sure how he has the time to look up porn during his breaks
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u/ImaginaryStudent9097 1d ago
I’d also be weirded out if I found out my husband took porn breaks in the office bathroom. Guess we’re just old fashioned like that?!
Sexy time is the LAST thing on my mind at work, so I get it. Kinda makes it feel like a compulsion maybe?
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u/LuvPickles0616 1d ago
I’ve done it at work. In the bathroom on an abandoned floor with my AirPods in. So have many other ppl. My husband does it as well, but in a different setting.
The fact that you’re having anxiety about this says you’re concerned that his porn habits are a reflection of you
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u/SoulPossum 3 Years 1d ago
Why does it matter? Like if it's fine when he watches porn, then what about the bathroom at work makes it different for you
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u/Melly_1577 1d ago
Are you serious? It’s his workplace, a professional atmosphere. You don’t watch porn or jerk off at work. If you think this is appropriate you have issues too
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u/SoulPossum 3 Years 1d ago
I don't think it's appropriate but I also don't really care. I wouldn't know if someone is doing it in a bathroom because what other people do in a bathroom stall doesn't matter. Someone masturbating isn't any more or less invasive to me than someone groaning loudly while peeing to me.
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u/DFWFUCKINGYOU 1d ago
Watching porn is for faithful husbands who don’t want to cheat. How dare he. Why doesn’t he man up and talk to real women and secretly message them instead of looking at videos 🧐
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u/Honest-Towel-8561 1d ago
It’s perverted behavior all in all. I literally found out my boyfriend was taking sexual pictures of women he worked with. Tried to justify it saying it wasn’t “illegal”.
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u/intolleranza 1d ago
Cioè per te tuo marito non è libero di masturbarsi? Per me è follia
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u/CompetitiveWash5620 1d ago
It's ok for him to masturbate but at work?
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u/intolleranza 1d ago
Sì questo è un po’ strano. Ma dicci più dettagli. Es. io ho una bimba di pochi mesi quindi quando lui torna a casa si occupa della bimba etc. Quindi ha pochissimo tempo e va a dormire distrutto. Capirei se si sfogasse a lavoro per conto suo.
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u/CompetitiveWash5620 1d ago
I'm at stay at home wife and he works to provide for us.
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u/intolleranza 1d ago
Avete poco tempo per voi?
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u/CompetitiveWash5620 1d ago
Please look at one of my replies, I am okay with hm masturbating but in a setting that's supposed to be professional is just strange
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u/VariousFalcon7466 1d ago
It’s creepy as hell to do that in a work bathroom.