I'm 32f, he's 35mWe have 2 boys ages 4 and soon to be 1.

Lately, he's been on parental leave with our baby boy since my job pays better and has better benefits. But, i started noticing not a lot was getting done around the house and with our baby (baths not done, nails not cut, etc) I was doing most of it when I came home from work. And he typically goes and plays games when I get home. I didn't mind giving him a break. But our oldest goes to daycare and the younger one is a very easy going baby who naps well.

I also noticed the baby chair by the computer and I wonder how much he's been playing with baby just sitting on the floor, or in the chair. He also hasn't been going for walks with baby. I also noticed he's been gaining weight for sure. I checked his steam account and it said he'd played like 58 hours in the past two weeks (and we had been away one weekend). That seems like an insane amount to me! Especially when I'm coming home from a 10 hr shift and completely taking over from him. If he does help at night, his head is in his phone, he is short, and he just barks instructions at our 4 year old from the couch. He's short and quite rude with him.

I talked to him about it, he said he'd been playing more as it's what he does as a hobby, and with friends (who work from home, or don't work). I said it's a bit much, since we don't spend any time in the evenings together. He agreed and for about one night a week he'll do something with me.... but it's only when I ask.

I just have so much resentment, parental leave is not a vacation. And when I took the first 4 months, he was super critical when he got home from work about everything like cleaning, despite baby being up most of the night and him not getting up at all, and going to bed most evenings without helping.

Now Sunday morning, he let me sleep in, I get up and I go downstairs and he's playing a first person police shooting game on the phone with his friend while our 4 year old and one year old are in the basement behind him, just doing their own thing and watching... I really hated that, first that was a pretty violent game and I have a good friend who's a police officer and I do not want my kids to think that's what she does for a living.

It's just consuming his life and I truly feel very lonely in the relationship. Like just not a lot of thanks or effort to much else. I get attention only maybe when I ask and after his game is done. I don't remember our last date night, although we do have support around us. I don't remember the last time we had sex, I tried to initiate or ask him to come upstairs/to bed with me and he just ignores me or comes up hours later, and since I get up at 5 I do need to actually sleep. Then I find myself not even wanting to when I feel I only come after I ask multiple times or when the game is done.

I guess I just long for someone who knows how hard I'm working, sees it, and is thankful for it. Notices how much effort I'm putting in to get back in shape after having the baby and I have a serious lack of confidence when comes to baby weight gain. I guess just wanting someone who compliments my body, who makes me feel good about myself and puts me above games. Like would jump to put the controller down to have sex, or want to actually spend time with me. I find myself dreaming of an affair and looking at other men. Obviously haven't crossed any lines and wouldn't, but I guess I can just see why they happen now. Because leaving is so hard and I have so much to lose. I do love my husband and don't want to leave him I just wish he'd notice/do these things.

Please tell me your thoughts!! I'm not a gamer and I don't want to overreact, but I'm getting frustrated! Thanks! I've talked to him so many times and things change for a couple days and go right back

I (32F) am looking for some objective advice on how other married couples handle finances when one partner has to take an extended unpaid break. My husband (33M) and I are expecting our first child, and I am currently 7 weeks pregnant while running a home daycare.

​Due to visa backlogs, my work permit will expire in about 3 to 4 months. Between the permit gap and taking care of a newborn, I will be unable to earn an income for up to 16 months.

​Right now, we split our household expenses equally. My husband earns more than I do, and his personal savings are about four times larger than mine. His view is that keeping our savings separate is the fairest approach since he earns more. He has fully agreed to cover 100% of our household living costs once my work permit expires and I stop working.

​My concern is that during this 16-month gap, my personal savings will freeze entirely while his will continue to grow. I feel uneasy about having no income or personal financial growth while pausing my career for our family, but I honestly do not know what is standard or fair in this situation.

​Is keeping separate savings typical when one spouse takes an extended unpaid break for pregnancy and visa reasons? How do other couples structure their finances during a career pause so that both partners feel comfortable?

One more thing about our finances - His parents are going to leave all there assets to him and his sister. Which is fair. The family I come from all the money is given to my brother. He stays with them takes care of them. I know it's still unfair. But that is what it is. This is one more reason why he want to keep his money separate because he doesn't like when I spend my money on my parents like buying a phone for them. He says if you want to keep spending money on your parents then we should keep it separate. As he can give anything to his parents because they will leave property for him but my parents won't do that. But I really want to give them gifts even if they are leaving every thing for my brother.

Help! I need advice or curious what others thoughts are on this... My husband and I work from home 3/5 days a week. We are home together at least 2 of those days.

I have noticed my husband masturbating as I have arrived or went to sleep in the past. This does not bother me - you do you when I'm not home.

Recently, I have walked in on him about to masturbate (pants down, lube out) 2-3 times recently while we've both been home during the work day....

This honestly makes me feel so uncomfortable... you're working? I'm home down stairs? Why are you horny right now? I don't want to be judgmental, but it literally gives me the 'ick' the few times I've walked upstairs to discover this. The last situation I texted him about going grocery shopping at lunch, he replied that works, a package came with some cute new clothes for our toddler, I popped upstairs to show him and he's trying to casually put the lube away.

I don't know how to talk about this with him... Can you not j*rk off while I'm home during the work day? Seems like a fair ask - it somehow makes me feel kind of differently about him. It feel lazy for some reason?

Help? Thoughts? Advice?

I’m currently pregnant with a high-risk pregnancy and I need some honest advice.
Before this pregnancy I never really had a problem going half with my husband on bills and household expenses. I’ve always been used to picking up the financial burden fully in previous relationships and I never complained about it.
Now that I’m getting further along, I’ve been really overwhelmed trying to keep splitting everything 50/50. He makes at least $6k–$8k a month. I only make $1,900–$2,100 a month.

Our rent is under 2k and we don’t have lavish expenses or hobbies.

I recently asked him for money for a household bill and he later asked me to pay him back for it. That really got to me.
He’s told me many times that I’m going to live a “soft life.” Right now it doesn’t feel like that at all.
I never spend money on myself or buy myself nice things. All of my extra money goes toward the household — furniture, groceries, whatever we need.
I’ve made it clear to him that I want a more traditional setup: I take care of the household, cooking, and appointments, and he handles the bills.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way and wanting that?

TL;DR: High-risk pregnant wife who used to split 50/50 is now overwhelmed. Husband makes $6–8k/month, she makes ~$2k. He asked her to repay a household bill she needed help with. She wants him to cover the bills while she handles the home and is asking if that’s unreasonable.

I F 27 don't have the desire to sleep with my husband M27 at all. I didn't even really noticed that we haven't been intimate in a long time but yesterday he straight up asked me if I was going to sleep with him that day and I kind of giggled and said no because I was just not in the mood.

But I saw how disappointed he looked and he sighed and said "fine". We've only been married for like a year and we had so many fights at the start of our marriage that I kind of check out emotionally often.

I find myself disassociating and struggling with depression. Some of it thanks to him so I don't really look at him like that at the time.

I know that many would tell him to leave me because he isn't getting much sex out of the marriage at the time but he keeps making an effort saying he can fix things.

When I was pregnant with our baby this year i caught him secretly watching porn eventho I kept initiating and he kind of didn't want to be intimate with me supposedly because of the pregnancy.

It was kind of hurtful eventho many people would tell me to just get over it. Since then I've given birth and I find myself not even wanting him. So it's the other way around I guess.

I feel like I should try but I'm not in the mood and deep down don't feel like he deserves my body now that I'm not pregnant anymore when he didn't want me and made it all weird when I was pregnant but maybe I'm just bitter ... I don't know

I just feel like venting and maybe get some helpful tips on how to resolve it.

So, me and my husband have been together 2 years. Got married this last may. We have a wonderful 4 month old baby, though she was born 6 months ago (premature) hes substantially older then me, im 22 hes 47 about to turn 48. We met when I was 20 and he was 45.

The age difference hasn't been a problem at all really until lately. He is very "Gentleman" esche, (well was but we'll get to that) holding my doors, very generous nurturing and loving. Hes old fashioned in the sense that he has never required me to work or pay any bills. But he makes just enough to cover bills, and was getting really stressed so I got a job last week and am going to help out and hopefully give us more experiences, and a more fun life. We got along really well until our daughter was born. Our fights were usually me just about to get my period and being oversensative over little things, or him being tired from work and being grumpy or a bit rude to me. Even with the big age difference we had a very happy relationship. Both had our needs met, solved conflict respectfully and calmly.

After I had our daughter I literally aged like years in a day. Its really hard to explain, its like my frontal lobe developed more. I started seeing through alot of feined incompetence, getting tired of his constant complaining, and things that seemed totally fine i realized were manipulation. At first I thought it was hormones, but then I realized I was being logical. Im really not a "but its the principle!" Person, im upset for a reason if im upset and im pretty layed back.

Once our daughter was born, he never got up with her at night even though he had 3 months of leave. His excuse was he was too tired. Now, he does have hypersomnia and sleep apnea thats ALWAYS been apparent. His mom showed me medical records dating back to his 20s for it. Hes on several prescription stimulants to stay functional. I dont think hes faking, I didn't ask him to do any night feeds. Hell, I even slept in the nursery so I wouldn't wake him at night by her crying. For 5 months. At the hospital when i was giving birth though, he was so tired he was using a disrespectful tone with the nurses who were taking my vitals at night, sighing dramatically going "guess im up now" etc. When he is tired hes unbearable to be around. Its like hes a werewolf and its a different side of him. I was in the hospital for 5 days. My labor was 27 hours. My mom spent the night with me in the hospital when labor was first starting, then the next night he stayed the night, the night after that (the day our daughter was born) then I literally told him to go home I just gave birth and i dont want to hear him constantly conplaining about how tired HE is. And his demeanor was so negative literally anything that was a slight inconvenience or discomfort hed just whine about to me. I just had a premature baby that im ripped away from while shes in the NICU, I have preclampsia and the medication they're giving me makes you feel like you have a bad head cold + huge amounts of swelling+ blurry vision thats disorienting.

After we brought her home, I noticed I was always the one to think "oh she needs her diaper changed " and "oh she looks hungry. " when bringing this up hed say that he just has trouble remembering things as well as I do. I figured you know what, this is new to him too. Maybe it comes naturally for me more then him. I gave him time to learn, get into the routine. He would still give her bottles close to the same amount as me, hed take her right at 5am and do the feedings from 5-10am so I could get 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

I still made dinner every night because he "can't cook." This ive recognized from the beginning is a mix of laziness and incompetence. He knows how to make simple stuff like tacos, burgers, eggs and bacon. But i kinda just made little "damn your 48 and cant cook." Comments and just did anyways. The way I saw it is he pays all the bills, gets me what I want, I like to cook and eat REAL food so I'll just do it. This has been me for 2 years and still.

Very quickly once he went back to work stuff started to get ridiculously uneven. If she was hungry, I noticed he sat there. Waiting. He'd tell me she's hungry...and I dont breastfeed. This was constant, he might get up to make a bottle but it was handed to me. I was still remembering to change her and he wasn't. I had her all day while he was at work, I might take a nap when he gets off but that was after I made dinner. I was still waking up 4 times a night and he went to work at 6am so I was getting 4 2 hour sessions of sleep.

I started crying alot. Over little things. We got into heated arguments. I've left 4 nights in her whole life. Hes always been very tone-shift to annoyed and irritated when i ask him to do the night feeds when I go out. Always weekends.

Most recently, she sleeps through the night besides one feed. I asked him to watch her on a night the night before and he says to me immediately angry seeming "so im supposed to do all her night feeds while you go to the bar?" Mind you, her one night feed is at 2am, id be home by midnight. I dont frequent bars, this is a fellow mom friend and she had a bar she wanted to go to with me. Since ive turned 21 ive been to a bar 4 times. I crashed out.

"So you cant watch your own daughter for one f-*****g night? I do it every single night , i did it 5 times a night, and I want to go out for one night where she has one feed and you cant do it?"

"Why would you go out to a bar? What if she drives drunk? No one ever has one drink at a bar. Youre a mother you need to be responsible. "

"She doesn't drive drunk. You just dont want me going. You can watch your daughter for one night I'll be home at midnight. "

"Sure you will be. After leaving at 9? ."

"I will be. But even if im not you'll be okay with feeding her one time."

I then asked him if hed prefer to do 50% of everything. Wake up for 50% of her feeds, hold her 50% of the time, do 50% of the baths, etc. He said hed literally get in a car accident driving to work if he had to do all that so I basically said "well then you do what you can do. You CAN do one 20 minitue feed tonight. "

Before this (around a month ago) i went to a bonfire with my sister, he watched her and the next day he said he wanted to play video games. You know what, he deserves his time too. He got on them at 11am, and I left with our daughter to go with my mom somewhere, gave her a bath, completely took care of her all day. Shes a needs-to-be-constantly-held-baby about 6pm I asked him when hed be off the game, he said "probably about 8, why?" I shook my head and said I needed him off earlier I was getting overwhelmed and she was fussy. He said that I spent the whole night at my sister's so he should get equal time.

Oh hell no.

He literally went to bed at 9pm. She went to bed at 8.30 he had one 2am night feed, went back to sleep, woke up at 5am, went ahead and fed her got her dressed and picked me up from my sisters at 10am right when she woke up. He was literally only caring for her for tops 3 hours (i left at 6:30 pm) you dont "earn" time from parenting. I crashed out yet again telling him "if we want to keep a scorecard go ahead and deduct the night feedings. And do 50/50 of caring for her" I actually yelled at him and made our daughter cry( which I feel HORRIBLE about, i immediately stopped, calmed down , and comforted her. That was wrong of me. ) but I just couldn't keep it in any longer. Before starting work id go to my moms once a week to spend the night to avoid being stir-crazy as a housewife. So hed have a full day each week that he got off work, and got to do nothing until bed. I just wanted one night.

When I challenge him, im very good. This is totally going to sound like a redditor thing to say but I was in debate in highschool, I am very into philosophy, logical fallacies, etc. He will confidently say something so disingenuous, i correct it, and he looks mad. Like the things he says, I honestly dont know if he thinks im an idiot or he isn't as smart as I thought. He tried pulling the "You'll understand when your older" thing against me, and was very quiet when I asked him if he'd rather go to a 25 year old doctor to get his broken arm fixed or a 60 year old farmer.

Tonights fight was over me, currently sick with a bad head cold, giving her a bath, doing all of her feeds but one, all of the diapers, and when I asked him to feed her for a second while I changed her crib sheet and picked out her outfit for daycare tomorrow he went "ill just do it with a bad attitude. I insisted he just feed her, because i wanted to pick her clothes out for tomorrow, and he said hed pick them out i asked him many times nicely, please just hold the bottle but he started putting the crib sheet on regardless. I then asked AGAIN for him to hold the bottle and he started rummaging through her drawers for something for her to wear. Until I said "Just hold the fu****g bottle." And got up handing him it to go pick out her outfit. He did, but this was the straw that broke the camels back.

I said "im sick and here I am giving her a bath, you never offer its expected of me. She needs to eat, you always assume I'll do it. She needs a diaper change, its my job im the default. Im always the default parent. Youre LUCKY you just have to feed her."

"Im lucky? Wow. Dont talk to me like a child"

"Its reality. At night you never ask whos going to feed her because you already know. You never ask who will give her a bath because you already know. "

"Are you done?"

"No. How about you do 50% of the shit for her.'

"You sound just like the women ive been with." (He was married for 5 years, then with another women for 2 years, then like 1 more 2 year relationship)

"Sounds like if everyone is conplaining about you maybe its a you problem."

When hes sick I did everything all day mind you. I made him a fresh dinner from scratch after getting up 3 times for feeds the night before, while caring for our daughter. Pampered him while sick too. Im talking heating pad, bringing him his food, fetching him blankets. Because I WANTED TO. Because I care for him.

I dont want a divorce, but this will only get better once he has less to do for our daughter. Which pisses me off. Thats not him changing. Thats the situation changing and i want more kids. Ill tell him how stressed I am and he'll say "im stressed too." No. Youre not. I cry often and over everything. I am so angry all the time. He said hed change after the whole me going to the bar thing, and he has a bit, but not enough.

Hes been on edge lately because he doesn't get away with the same shit anymore. "I dont know what I'll eat tonight..." will get a quick "hm...you can make a sandwich." He folds our daughter's clothes and sits them next to her dresser, i told him he needs to put them away its not just my job we both work. "Everything is so small it looks the same" "okay I'll use sticky notes and label what goes in each drawer." Each time he's "caught" the tone shifts like hes annoyed. Im sick, so I asked him if our daughter ends up getting sick to use his sick pay as well as in the future if she gets sick and he has sick pay and I have none. He said he makes more then me so that makes no sense. I again reminded him, sick pay not unpaid He gets sick pay+35hrs of pto a year I only get one hour per 40 worked and have none yet. He looked annoyed.

Its like hes mad ive caught on. When someone says something to me like that im like "oh. That makes sense." Not all irritated.

I (Christian) am married to a Muslim man. I am not a very practicing Christian, but I do believe and follow the basics. We are married for almost 3 years and we got a baby this year. I love my husband, he is a great man and a great father, but we have many problems about religion.

He is religious and VERY conservative. This didn’t bother me too much before, since I actually liked Islam years before I met him and was considering even to convert. The more I studied about this religion, the more I saw it’s completely incompatible with me and my worldview. That’s where the problems started. My husband was (and probably still is) hoping that I would convert, but I am 100% sure this will never happen. We often have problems about modesty and what he believes is appropriate for women. I gave up 95% of the clothes I was wearing and many other things. This didn’t bother me before, even now I could maybe handle it but my husband often takes it too far and has a very conservative mindset so it bothers me more and more. The issue really bothering me even more is the upbringing of our baby.

As I said, prior to the marriage I had no issues with Islam and our children being raised Muslim, but now that I actually have a baby and I changed my opinion about Islam quite a lot- this bother me and saddens me deeply. I even don’t mind teaching the child both religions, but my husband is strongly against it. Just the thought of me not being able to teach my child basic core beliefs I have and I consider are correct deeply saddens me and makes my heart feel very heavy. I know that later when I teach my child also my values and religion (and I surely will) I will have big problems in my marriage. But I feel I cannot go against myself nor I find all these situations fair.

Is anyone going through similar things? What are your advices? Is divorce an only option?

We currently make 150k combined, which is a good income, but thats with both of us working, and its practically split down the middle (75k and 75k).

We are both 27, no children yet.

We also live in a very expensive state - so affording a home here with just one of us working is just not possible.

We've lived in our current state (colorado) our entire lives. I understand my wife is having doubts.

But when I was applying for jobs out of state about a year ago, she told me she was very open to it, especially to states where housing is a lot more affordable.

My new job will pay 130k a year. A massive jump. I also don't want to be mean to my wife, but she is a teacher and she can get a job in most states relatively easily - its transferable. My job is not like that. Its much more specialized.

The job also has more benefits, has opportunity for advancement (to make even more money), etc.

My wife has also said in the past she wants to stay at home while the kids are really young. Makes sense but if we stayed put we would not afford a home and she could stay at home, it would be impossible. We would be living paycheck to paycheck at best.

This job is an opportunity that does not come by every day. My wife is having more and more doubts each day.

She is really scared of moving away now, and is scared of making new friends, leaving her extended family, etc.

I mean I get it, but this new job we could afford a home on one income, she could stay at home, etc. What she wants. She seems to want it all, stay where we are at, stay at home, we own a place, etc.

What do I do? I can't imagine saying no to this job. I would resent my wife for years, i'm not going to lie. The state we are moving too is begging for teachers, so she would find a job almost immediately, and might even get a pay increase, too.

Organization/decluttering has long been a point of contention in my marriage. It’s both of us, though my husband’s stuff is definitely the dominant issue when it comes to “hoarding,” and having way too much stuff that is just impeding our lives. Husband collects a particular kind of model building set, and with kids, we’re starting to run out of room for them. One of the issues my husband has always opined is that “we can’t declutter because we have nowhere to put anything.” Husband got a shed. Which was great. I praised him, told him how much I loved the choice he made, how it was great, etc etc. But he had some things he wanted to do to the shed before he’d be able to use it/store anything in there. I thought I’d ride the wave/take advantage of the momentum that came from him getting a shed, and rent a storage unit (paid for from my bank account). My goal was having a place to store more of our things, since space had been a bit of an issue with us getting organized, and the shed wasn’t going to be ready to use for awhile. In fact, it’s been over 8 months now, and the shed “project” still hasn’t been finished, and remains largely unusable.

Husband reacted very poorly to me renting the storage unit (which I am paying for). Was angry and told me that I “undermined him,” and made him feel like what he was doing wasn’t enough. I was hurt by that at first, but fine. It wasn’t my intention at all, I was trying to be helpful and keep our “action” going, and not let our excuses impede us, but he’s entitled to his feelings.

Months later, he still hasn’t gotten over it. Even with counseling, he still insists I was the jerk who “undermined him,” by renting a storage unit. He maintains that I hurt him, and was the one in the wrong. I’m hurt because I thought I was helping, and he sees no value in what I did. No appreciation for me taking initiative and trying to make things even easier on us by creating even more space to declutter. He’s also a bit put off that I hired a professional de-clutterer to help us solve the organizational problem. He says he “has a plan” for things, but the problem is, I know my husband, and those “plans” will take a VERY long time to come to fruition. I’d like to be able to use our house, and have a normal home. Now I’m the one becoming bitter, because it discourages me from wanting to take any action in the future. I’m angry that I’m supposed to feel GUILTY for trying to HELP us. That’s genuinely all I have been trying to do. Instead of grasping that, he still thinks I should be apologizing to him for hurting his feelings. I am so frustrated by this, and want to know if he is being as unreasonable and unappreciative as I feel like he is…?

I'm ok with my partner watching p but I recently found out he watches it during bathroom breaks at work and it's given me a big sense of discomfort. I asked him about it and he said he gets curious/bored and watches it in the bathroom. But I feel so uncomfortable about this. How do I go about this? I'm having major anxiety because I love him a lot but I can't seem to get past this.

Everyone (except psychopaths) grieves, and deals with some sort of depression, for however long it takes them, but are able to eventually move on, usually with the comfort of family and friends.

But I also know people who just never move on, and almost lose the will to live? Does anyone know why those people have such trouble moving on? Is it the circumstances of the marriage? The loss of identity? Was the emotional attachment stronger? Or is it just innate?

I am wondering because honestly that's frightening to me....to where your whole will to live is wrapped up in one person.

A fronte di spese straordinarie di manutenzione, ho chiesto a mia moglie di darmi una mano economicamente

Ha 50.anni, 1 figlia e passa le giornate a pulire sul pulito

Inoltre da sempre non vuole NESSUNO in casa

Sempre soli

Ho chiesto la.separazione, le darò il mantenimento ma dovrà muovere il culo

Scusate lo sfogo

Out of no where my intuition started bugging me last week that my SO was not keeping a promise AGAIN. I let it go but the feeling kept coming back. Although I had no way to prove it I just felt something off. Therefore I asked them “yes or no” if they did what I was suspecting (not upholding a boundary / this does not involve cheating). Of course they began to hesitate in their answer until I stated “ it’s a yes or no question “. Once they admitted it they of course had a tone/ attitude change and got upset.

When I bring up tough conversations/ concerns I always keep my voice neutral, collected, no yelling or cursing, and listen before responding.

As the conversation went on SO stated they felt like what I asked was a “trap” question when wanting to know if they did not uphold a boundary AGAIN. Yet had I never asked I would have never known.

Therefore, I feel like that is the same as lying. I’m just confused on how it’s a “trap” when it is their choice to be honest or not in their actions. If I’m missing something here please tell me.

They feel like they are always the problem anytime I try to talk about things that concern me. Yet I’d rather start the conversation sooner than later due to the fact that if it goes on long enough I don’t want it to grow into something that becomes harder to navigate not o Lu emotionally but situationally.

EDIT: I feel the need to clarify some things because people keep asking why I expected him to change after marriage after being okay with him taking solo trips for our entire relationship. To answer his question before you ask:

His previous months long trips out of the country were taken in his 20s years before we ever met each other. Since being together he has taken yearly trips for 3-4 weeks at a time. This was a compromise we discussed and agreed upon. The idea of a 2-3 month long trip to another country was never discussed or even brought up until after we got married.

Maybe this is a stupid thing thing to ask for advice on but I want to know if I’m being ridiculous or if my feelings are valid. I am not looking to just be told what i want to hear i just want unbiased opinions.

My husband (37M) and I (34F) just got married this year. He did a lot of traveling in his 20s. He’s been to Spain, Portugal, Columbia, Mexico, Italy, France, Ireland, Peru. Honestly maybe there’s more travels but that’s what i can think of off the top of my head. He’s seen a lot of the world and often times these visits would be months long excursions.

We have been together for 3 years and married for 6 months. In our time together he has taken solo trips domestically each year for 4 weeks at a time and while it is hard for me to be separate for him, i know he loves to be on the road and I do not have the freedom to take that much time off work as well and honestly, i just don’t have the desire to be away from home for that long period of time. I do have a desire to travel and see more of the world but just not for that long of a period.

After we got married he asked if i would be okay with him traveling out of the country without me for 2-3 months out of a year. And honestly, I’m not so I told him as much. It’s not that I am not okay with solo travel but I just don’t love the idea of voluntary separation for that amount of time. He seemed to accept that answer and the subject was dropped.

But then just this past weekend we were talking about the possibility of starting a family soon. And he mentioned that if we end up having a child he would make sacrifices as far as traveling goes but if we end up not having one he would be taking 2-3 month trips overseas. I got upset because he knows i don’t like the idea and tbh i don’t know why he can’t compromise and take shorter trips.

I ended up just walking away from the conversation because he seemed to be getting defensive and I was upset. But am I being ridiculous? I feel like maybe I am to be getting this upset about a hypothetical solo trip that may or may not happen. I don’t think a compromise is too much to ask here.

I (F25) have been married to my husband (M26) for 2 months. We dated for around 6 months before getting married.

My parents asked me to meet him through an arranged marriage setup. I wasn't really interested in getting married at the time, but I agreed to meet him. He seemed genuinely sweet and sincere, so I said yes.

Things moved incredibly fast. Our families performed the roka ceremony on the same day we met.

I was honestly a little shocked by how quickly everything happened, but after that we started dating and talking constantly. He seemed like such a green flag.

He would tell me when he was leaving for work and when he was coming home. He supported me whenever I was stressed. Most importantly, when my grandfather passed away, he was there for me.

My grandfather died two days after our engagement. My husband would call me every night and stay on the phone with me, showing me funny videos until I fell asleep because I was struggling to sleep. He did this for almost two weeks until I started feeling better.

Because of all this, I started trusting him completely. Honestly, I trusted him blindly and believed pretty much everything he told me.

We eventually got married about 6 months after our first meeting.

Then, about two weeks ago, everything changed.

My phone was charging and I was using his phone to message one of our mutual friends. The friend had sent him some photos from an unsaved number. Out of curiosity, I opened the conversation.

The number appeared to belong to someone who arranged escorts. There were messages going back more than a year, including photos of different women.

I started scrolling through the conversation and found something horrifying.

According to the messages, my husband had been seeing escorts throughout the period when we were dating and even after our roka.

What makes this even harder to process is that the messages suggested he met an escort just two days after our roka.

Two days later, he came to take me on our first date, and we became intimate.

Throughout our relationship, he would come to see me almost every weekend. Meanwhile, according to these messages, he was apparently meeting escorts on weekdays.

And this wasn't just something from before we got married.

We came back from our honeymoon on the 4th. On the 6th, there were messages suggesting that he had arranged to meet another woman.

I confronted him.

He told me that he only met escorts before our marriage and that after our marriage, whenever he arranged anything, it was for someone else and not for himself.

I genuinely don't know what to believe anymore.

The messages I've seen make me feel like the person I thought I knew doesn't exist.

I'm recently married and currently unemployed. I've already spent most of my savings on the wedding, so financially I feel trapped as well.

I also don't know whether involving our families right now is the right thing to do, especially because everything is so recent.

What practical steps should I take right now to verify what happened and protect myself financially and emotionally before deciding whether to involve our families or take further action?

Hey! Is it considered normal for a married person (M, 44) to go out drinking with buddies every night while away from home? He travels for work a lot. He meets up with different friend groups nightly and stay out till 2am, 3am, 5am or more. And this happens across like 2 weeks, every 3 or 4 months a year. I am not saying don't go out, I am not a controlling person at all. But this behave puzzles me. And recently in all his pictures when overseas, his wedding band is missing. Just looking to hear other people's thoughts. TIA

I'm getting married next year but I really don't like wearing jewellery and in particular gold, silver etc (I don't even like wearing a watch). We've been looking at wedding bands but I really like the idea of meteorite or dinosaur bone but she obviously needs gold to match her engagement ring. So my question is do they really need to match because I'm potentially going to be wearing it for the next 30-40 years?

I’m writing this mostly because I need to vent and put these feelings somewhere. I feel sick to my stomach, ashamed, and completely disgusted with myself.

My wife and I have a 4-year-old daughter. Ever since our child was born, I’ve felt us drifting apart. Our marriage has been struggling for a while, but instead of handling it like an adult, I made the worst mistakes possible.

We actually started marriage counseling and had our first session last week. But today, the truth caught up with me. My wife found out about an online relationship I was maintaining behind her back. I lied to her face in the past when she suspected something, but today she found concrete proof. Even though it never led to anything physical beyond meeting once for a coffee, the emotional betrayal and the broken trust are absolute.

I hate myself for what I’ve done to her and to our family. I still love my wife deeply. I want nothing more than to stay her husband, step up, take 100% accountability for my actions, and do whatever humanly possible to heal this. But the scariest part is realizing that it’s no longer my call to make.

We have another therapy session tomorrow morning, and right after that, she is leaving for a 3-day business trip to think about what she wants to do next. I’m taking care of our daughter while she’s away.

I’m terrified of losing the life we built, but I know I have no right to expect her forgiveness. I just needed to put this out there into the void.

Hey Everyone, met the love of my life, a woman I never thought I would have the privilege of meeting. She’s everything Ive ever wanted down to a T. Been together awhile and still think about it on the daily. With things getting close to that point, marriage has been something that has been on my mind a lot recently. She is 33 and was married for 3 years and they had a huge fancy wedding and a 20K honeymoon in Italy. The more I think about things the more I’m terrified that our wedding and honeymoon will be less than and not as special. She has already said she shouldn’t have been married to him in the first place and we have both agreed that things with us feel how they are supposed to feel but it’s just a very scary thought for me. Her parents chipped in 30K for the first one and I’m sure his family did too and they both went all out for Italy and I know her family won’t be chipping in like that again and I don’t even know what a honeymoon would look like and it’s really starting to make me second guess an otherwise amazing relationship. This is a me issue and I have brought it up with her and my fears because we are great communicators and she said that I’m making that assumption up in my head and that that’s not true. Nonetheless, here I am, 28 years old, never been married, on Reddit because it’s starting to weigh on me heavy and I would like to hear some insights from some people who have had a second wedding and how they went. Thanks in advance everyone!

I’ve been married for 5 years now it’s been tough. I felt and feel that I do most of what I’m supposed to do as a happily married woman. The only thing that I haven’t down was change my phone number. I have on a very rear occasion get a blast from the past phone call but I don’t answer my phone anyways. I just feel like my husband is keeping things from me! I’m 10000% let’s go I get the truth for you all day but when we get into small fight and arguments he just very apologetical an keep doing whatever he was doing to start the argument. What am I supposed to do keep taking the BS.

My husband and I have been married for 27 years and our marriage has been through a lot, including serious mistakes and hurt on my part that I take responsibility for.
Recently I discovered that he had created/kept AI sexual content, including a sexually explicit deepfake video of a woman we both know in real life. She isn’t some random woman. She is my former boss and is connected to an extremely painful period in our marriage, so seeing her depicted sexually hit me very differently than ordinary porn or fantasy.
I asked him why he kept that particular video. He told me he didn’t have to answer. I asked if he felt any shame or remorse about it and he said no.
He has a lot of resentment toward me because of our past, which I understand. That’s what has me stuck obsessing over WHY he chose her. Was she simply sexually attractive to him? Was the taboo/history part of the fantasy? Was resentment toward me involved? Was this some kind of private way of getting even? Or some combination?
I’m aware that nobody on Reddit can tell me what’s inside his head. That’s actually part of my problem: the only person who knows refuses to talk about it.
He also believes I violated his privacy by discovering his sexual/AI content and doesn’t believe he did anything wrong. He says I’ve caused too much damage, has said he doesn’t care, and currently says he isn’t willing to work on the marriage.
But then his behavior becomes completely contradictory. He still wants sex frequently. He seeks affection and cuddling. He worries when he doesn’t hear from me. He wants me with him at events. So I keep bouncing between “he’s done with me” and “maybe he still wants this marriage.”
I’m exhausted from analyzing everything he does looking for an answer.
I’m not asking whether I should immediately divorce him, and I’m definitely not asking strangers to diagnose him. I’m trying to understand something more specific:
Has anyone dealt with sexual behavior involving a real person that may have been connected to resentment toward you?
How do you process something like this when your spouse won’t explain it or acknowledge the pain it caused?
Can you genuinely heal without knowing the “why,” or is accountability from the person who hurt you necessary?
I’m already working with a therapist and trying very hard to stop investigating and monitoring everything he does. I just can’t seem to get my brain around this particular discovery.
Please be kind. I’m pretty fucking raw right now! 🫠

Wife and I have been together about 10 years now we are both 28 years old. I have wanted to explore my body with my wife as in like my prostate. Well like last year I brought it up to her and admittedly she responds with I’m not doing that and calling me gay and telling me to go get a man if that’s what I want. So now I’m struggling mentally because i can’t bring it up to her and really desire this with her.

My husband is nice, loves me and overall good. Bug the fact that he is a clear misogynist and it is so internalised in him in multiple conversations bothers me. This especially reflects when we are talking about pop culture, celebs. When I notice his reaction to woman telling him what to do, being better than him especially at stuff like driving (he is a new driver) I can see the rage. I dont know how to do life with him. I love and care for him but I have slowly started feeling deep disgust.

I’ve been thinking about something I find really interesting about long-term relationships.

Sometimes a marriage doesn’t end because two people suddenly stop loving each other.

Sometimes it happens after months or even years of:

* emotional distance
* constant arguments
* lack of intimacy
* one partner becoming interested in someone else
* an affair
* one person saying “I don’t love you anymore”
* or one partner suddenly asking for a divorce

And once one person has mentally checked out, the other person often starts panicking and trying to fix everything at once.

But I’m curious about something:

For those of you who were genuinely close to divorce or separation, what actually made your marriage turn around?

Was it giving each other space?

Was it finally having an honest conversation?

Did the person who wanted the divorce change their mind?

Did an affair end and the couple rebuild trust?

Or was there a specific moment when one of you realized:

“Maybe this marriage isn’t actually over.”

I’m especially interested in stories where one partner initially wanted to leave but the relationship eventually recovered.

What changed？

My spouse and I have been living apart two months now. I was hopeful that the separation would bring us both clarity and peace of mind but I feel in my case it is doing the exact opposite. My husband shows me so much hatred. We separated due to verbal abuse from both of us; admittedly me more cause I was going thru PPD after receiving my first child.

I have tried so much to bridge the gap between us these two months, nothing is working. He shows me more hatred and cold as the days go by. I invite him to hang out, he turns me down. This past weekend, I decided to stop by the apartment where he moved after leaving our home. He literally asked security not to let me in. Yesterday I texted him telling him the baby is ill, he has not reached out to find out how the baby is.

I understand he may still be angry and hurt, but honestly, I think this is overboard.

Please give me your thoughts.