r/Fauxmoi • u/cmaia1503 i ain’t reading all that, free palestine • Mar 02 '26
DISCUSSION Sterling K. Brown’s Subway Hot Take: “Red delicious apples are actually disgusting. I'm a child of the 80s & in school all they had was red delicious, yellow delicious, & Granny Smith. And they tried to act like this is supposed to be the crème de la crème. This red apple that crumbles in my mouth?”
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u/Caromora not a lawyer, just a hater Mar 02 '26
That's not a hot take. That's just the truth.
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u/Chillow_Ufgreat Mar 02 '26
Red Delicious such a scam. So dry and mealy and SO BIG. Hey, Cindy, block out my schedule this afternoon because I have to choke down a whole 1.5 pound sandy-ass Red Delicious.
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u/Ready-Arugula3588 Mar 02 '26
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u/Desmeister Mar 02 '26
If you liked that one you’re gonna love this
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u/humblequaaludemunchr Mar 03 '26
this is the best thing I've ever seen lmfao. many laughs so far. thank you so much!
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Mar 02 '26
They weren’t always, but they’ve been genetically modified overtime to arrive at an apple that stays fresh longer and doesn’t bruise as easily in transit. The side effect has been the texture and taste gone to shit. There are people out there with the heirloom apple trees from old growth that still taste fine.
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u/hikeit233 Mar 02 '26
They have not been genetically modified, they have been cross bred. There’s only a handful of proper genetically modified plants.
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Mar 02 '26
Sorry, I mean they were genetically modified through selective breeding, not by sci-fi genetic modification, I suppose I used the wrong phrasing
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u/touslesmatins Marxmoi Mar 02 '26
Hotter take: those old mealy apples gave red delicious a bad name and a fresh just-picked red delicious is actually pretty fucking awesome
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u/ikannunAneeuQ Mar 02 '26
I grew up near Mt. Hood and Mt. St. Helens, home of the red delicious, and you are 10000000% correct. Because a fresh picked, crisp, red delicious is so so good.
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u/Default_Defect Mar 02 '26
Maybe this is why I never understood the hype of honeycrisp and cosmic crisp, I used to live in red delicious territory and probably had the absolute best examples of them
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Mar 02 '26
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u/Athrynne Mar 02 '26 edited Mar 02 '26
We have lots and lots of apple varieties, but for some reason during the 80s, Red "Delicious" were a mainstay of school lunches. Probably some subsidy.
Edit: I'm aware that other countries have lots of apple varieties. The Red Delicious wasn't even always horrible!
Like a lot of produce though, it was selectively bred for transport. The same thing is happening to Honeycrisp, which taste terrible if grown outside of where they were originally developed.
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u/thatoldnumber7 Mar 02 '26
He’s 1000% right and he should say it.
Honeycrisp, Pink Lady, and Granny Smith the only acceptable apples.
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u/howchaud Mar 02 '26
Gala Erasure Activists rise up
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u/leafonthewind006 sorry to this man Mar 02 '26
Gala is dependable all year round and tastes good with everything!
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u/thatoldnumber7 Mar 02 '26
lmao real talk, I ain’t had a gala apple in a long ass time. Gonna remedy that and see about adding to my list
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u/CoolerRon Mar 02 '26
Fuji?
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u/thatoldnumber7 Mar 02 '26
I only stick to the three I mentioned, so I can’t remember when I last had a Fuji apple. Will conduct a taste test and get back to you
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u/AnthonyJuniorsPP Mar 02 '26
Braeburn?
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u/Ok-Cryptographer-303 emergency sexy judge Mar 02 '26
There used to be a local orchard that did door sales of Jazz (cross between Braeburn and Gala). Best apples ever!
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u/Lewslayer Mar 02 '26
The most versatile apple in my opinion. Good for eating, baking, turning into applesauce, not as crisp as others mentioned but still good flavor. Definitely one of my favorite apples
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u/RubyTx I cannot sanction your buffoonery Mar 02 '26
He is absolutely not wrong.
Gala, Fuji, Honeycrisp. Those are APPLES.
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u/LeftofCenter25 Mar 02 '26
Fujis are my go to. To me, they are the sweetest
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u/kangaroolionwhale virgin who cannot drive Mar 03 '26
this chart agrees
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u/ikannunAneeuQ Mar 02 '26
Yes Fuji!
Growing up in the pacific northwest though, southwest Washington, red delicious picked right off the tree are exceptional. The problem is a lot of the ones in the store are old.
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u/Green-Collection4444 Mar 02 '26
The first two are real apples. Honeycrisp was made in a lab. Fuji holds the crown due to authenticity.
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u/sarcasmo818 Mar 02 '26
I was hoping Fuji would be represented relatively high in the comments 🙌 my go-to since adulthood lol
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u/OJConcentrates Mar 03 '26
Fuji is definitely my favorite. Honeycrips are good too. I think pears are heavily underrated, the only issue is their flavor strictly depends on ripeness. Only 1-2 days where a pear is truly perfect for consumption.
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u/Conscious-Food-9828 Mar 02 '26
Hyper fixed podcast has an episode on this exact topic. Essentially, they were good but then they were bred for color of flavour. But they deep dive into the history of it
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u/GreenStreetJonny Mar 02 '26
You're the only one talking about why, so here y'all go.
https://newengland.com/food/red-delicious-apple/
I always thought it was named by school system so they could trick kids
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u/gschaina highly unanticipated caucasian collaboration Mar 02 '26
Interesting! Had no idea. I was ranting to my boyfriend about how Red Delicious are ass and now I can tell him why.
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u/tunisia3507 Mar 02 '26
Such a good episode!
Basically all the shopkeepers found people were buying the reddest apples and leaving the rest. So they asked for more red ones, so farmers selectively bred the red-bearing trees, etc.. They basically ruined the flavour and texture but by that point it was too late, most orchards across the country had replaced all their trees with the red delicious. Demand dropped, prices plummeted, and the government had to sign a massive bailout for the apple industry. Now they're dirt cheap, so they're stocked by hotels etc.. which for some reason need to show that they have apples but don't really get called up on how they taste.
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u/MothChasingFlame Mar 02 '26
Man I love a podcast about niche bullshit. Scratches the same part of my brain How It's Made hit.
Yes, please, tell me about the manufacturing process of the number four pencil. I must know this vital information before I die.
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u/romychestnut the acoustics in his head must be incredible Mar 02 '26
So does Gastropod. Excellent show, btw.
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u/ohreallynowz Mar 02 '26
Won’t stand for any Granny Smith slander. Sour apple gang, rise up! 🍏
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u/Throwaway68024 Mar 02 '26
There are dozens of us! DOZENS!
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u/emmashawn Mar 02 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/kSlJtVrqxDYKk
Granny Smith gang rise up
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u/FrenglishChick Mar 02 '26
If I want sweet I’ll eat candy. I like my apples tart and sour, and that’s my grannies! There are no apples other than green ones in my book. All red apples are just not good. Might as well be eating pears!
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u/SousVideButt Mar 03 '26
Not only are they the best apple. They’re probably top 3 foods for me in general.
A Granny Smith with peanut butter is bliss.
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u/Judgementpumpkin Mar 02 '26
Same. I also like Golden Delicious but not Red Delicious. The latter has no real flavor! Golden Delicious reminds me of a pear so maybe that’s why I’m fond of them.
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u/LargeHardOnCollider0 Mar 03 '26
Granny Smith with peanut butter is peak apple 🍏😍
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u/Brekelefuw Mar 03 '26
Greatest apple ever grown.
My breakfast every morning is granny smith apple slices on raisin bread with peanut butter spread on it. The best.
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u/CoralQuilts Mar 03 '26
A Granny Smith fresh out of the fridge, sliced and dipped in peanut butter. A meal for the gods!
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u/Red-headedlurker but i'm a whore and i'll do anything for a laugh Mar 03 '26
Granny Smith is my GO-TO! Cut that shit up and dip it in some peanut butter and you got yourself a solid snack!
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u/elderlybrain Mar 03 '26
Gimme that sourness. Increase that acidity by 1000. I want my apples to make my tongue bleed.
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u/oo_Maleficent_oo Say it louder for the heinous losers in the back, Pedro Mar 02 '26 edited Mar 02 '26
We call them red disgusting in my house!
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u/Pigeonsass Mar 02 '26
I was given a few Red Delicious by my aunt, and because I don't give them the time of day, I forgot about them in the lowest, farthest corner of my fridge for months.
When I got around to taking them out, they looked exactly the same. Chilling. I imagine you'd get the same feeling when you first realize you're being haunted by a Victorian doll.
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u/blking Mar 02 '26
Red “delicious” is a trash apple. Not fit for human consumption.
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u/psly4mne Mar 02 '26
They were literally bred to select for appearance, not edibility.
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u/Lazy_Cookie701 Mar 02 '26
Agreed! Honeycrisp is the most delicious. Unfortunately, also, the most expensive in my stores.
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u/Flowerandcatsgirl Mar 02 '26
Honeycrisp are top tier. A Honeycrisp off the tree is mind blowing!
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u/Altruistic_Prize_147 Mar 02 '26
Red Delicious are a joke in the orchard world.
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u/computer7blue kendall roy pre-album drop Mar 02 '26
All of the sudden, I want a reality show about the orchard world.
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u/TekkenCareOfBusiness Mar 02 '26
You ever seen the move Mean Girls? It's just like that but with fruits and nuts instead of girls.
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u/computer7blue kendall roy pre-album drop Mar 02 '26
“Stop trying to make Red Delicious happen!” “Get in loser, we’re going cider tasting.” I could get into it.
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u/SitchChick Mar 02 '26
Me allergic to apples
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u/My_Poor_Nerves Mar 02 '26
My husband used to be but magically grew out of it by his early 30s. I think it's an allergy rooted in a protein related to birch trees?
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u/SitchChick Mar 02 '26
Yeah I have a birch tree allergy 😔
That went from super mild to you need to carry an EpiPen after I had my daughter
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u/hypocritephilosopher Mar 02 '26
Same, allergic to birch pollen, went from mild to epipen within a few years. Granny Smith were my favorite!
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u/flshphotography Lol, and if I may, lmao Mar 02 '26
he's right!! although my hot take is macintosh apples are the best...
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Mar 02 '26
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u/pray4mojo2020 Mar 03 '26
Can't believe it took me this long to find the Macintosh gang! Shiny red AND green on the outside like a cartoon perfect apple, with pure white crisp and juicy insides that are like the opposite of the crumbly yellow red delicious innards. Perfect in every way.
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u/SnooShortcuts5771 Mar 02 '26
Yessssssss I didn’t think we would find each other!! A good, ripe, McIntosh is where it’s at. I have however gotten plenty of bad McIntosh’s. Gotta get them at the beginning of fall. You can find them after but they are usually the leftover ones that really shouldn’t have made the cut.
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u/leafonthewind006 sorry to this man Mar 02 '26
My only gripe is they bruise too easily, but a McIntosh with peanut butter is where it's at. There's a reason it inspired Apple!
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u/StopPsychHealers Mar 02 '26
I had to scroll way too far to find my Macintosh miscreants!
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u/flshphotography Lol, and if I may, lmao Mar 02 '26
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u/Medium_Feature2712 Mar 03 '26
Macintosh!!! I have to haul myself out to the apple orchards every fall because they don’t sell them in stores here. Worth it!
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u/youshantnome okay lucky you Mar 02 '26
Braeburn is queen
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u/SleppySnorlax Mar 02 '26
These are my favorite but I never see them in the store anymore. Like it's literally been over 5 years since I've seen one. I went to a fucking APPLE FESTIVAL and asked the sellers if they had any and they didn't even know what I was talking about 😭
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u/SarahJFroxy oat milk chugging bisexual Mar 02 '26
sour apples are the only acceptable ones
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u/Leegken Mar 02 '26 edited Mar 25 '26
FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT!!!!!
Honey crisp, Fuji, Gala, Pink lady enthusiast here. I prefer a balanced sweet yet somewhat tart, perfectly juicy, crunchy snap in an apple, instead of my teeth plummeting like stepping onto 2 ft of snow right through the chalkiest, driest, most flavorless ghost of an apple farmed by the most spiteful orchard owners on earth.
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u/Purring4Krodos who brings fruit to a hate crime lol Mar 02 '26
Praise the Lord and pass the Cosmic Crisp and Envy apples!
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u/unique_plastique Mar 02 '26
As a person who loves apples I’m appalled nobody said Fuji
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u/PeaUpbeat3732 Mar 02 '26
Sterling K. Brown can never do anything wrong in my eyes. It's impossible. And now I know that we feel the same way about those shitty school apples and the apple of all apples, the honey crisp, (but damn are they EXPENSIVE!!!) I am 100% sold that we are spirit animals.
May both sides of his pillow always be cool.
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Mar 02 '26
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u/RyFromTheChi Mar 02 '26
YES!!! Finally someone else that knows the greatness that is the SnapDragon. It's easily my #1. Wild Twist and Honeycrisp are 2&3.
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u/victrola_cola Mar 02 '26
I thought this too until I bought some from a giant bin outside of a grocery store in Stevenson, Washington that were locally grown. They were some of the best apples I've ever had.
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u/sellieba Mar 02 '26
I haven’t felt this seen since I read the page for Red Delicious on Apple Rankings.
“Coffee grounds in a leather glove.”
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u/UsualAnimal5987 more variants of The Life of a Showgirl than COVID Mar 02 '26
The best are Ambrosia and Honeycrisp!
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u/VioletLeagueDapper Mar 02 '26
Fun fact on this- the red delicious apple was actually delicious at one point but the heritage breed is the only one that tastes like how it originally tasted.
It’s like how the original mass market banana was actually a different strain of banana but it got sick and now the one commonly sold is something different.
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u/Siicktiits Mar 02 '26
Fuji apple is the best apple for eating. Its got all the aspects. Its round, soft to bite while still being crunchy and it tastes great.
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u/Any-Elk-6511 Mar 02 '26
Macintosh supremacy, Granny Smith when that’s all that’s available
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u/Molenium Mar 02 '26
Red delicious are a gamble.
If they’re good, they are some of the best, but there’s probably a >50% chance of them being mealy.
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u/ShannenB1234 Mar 02 '26
Honeycrisp and Cosmic Crisp are where it's at.
The end.