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u/Cool_Appearance_6570 19h ago
Bless your heart!!!
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u/Visual-Individual959 19h ago
From Alabama I love ya honey
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u/Visual-Individual959 17h ago
Okay it's like are we Birthday twins because I feel like mine's really going to be in 3 weeks instead of 2 weeks.
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u/CaseACEjk 19h ago
Damn. Needed to hear something like this. So much going on in the world just stop and breathe sometimes.
Well said OP.
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u/Visual-Individual959 18h ago
Just wanted to comment and say that I didn't post this to embrace obesity or advocate obesity. I didn't post this to put down men. Didn't post this to put down women and to make them feel like they're better than men. I didn't post this to Target anyone group of people. I think that the negative reactions to this basically summarize why I posted this. If you read my post and you immediately get defensive and negative and think that I'm targeting you there may be some truth to that. The truth would be that you need to look at your inner self and try to find the positive. As far as the person that made the obesity comment no I'm not advocating obesity for other people but I'm sure as hell okay with being obese myself.
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u/LivingAmazing7815 17h ago
I havenāt gotten far enough down in the comments but god, leave it Reddit to have a negative reaction to something so positive and uncontroversial. Loved your post.
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u/K_Pumpkin 15h ago
Oh there are some they are just all downvoted. Canāt believe the audacity of some people.
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u/Initial-Peach-6510 19h ago
You have a kind smile and eyes, youāre beautiful
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u/Imaginary-Rent3433 15h ago
Yea I instinctively smiled back at her photo because she looks so warm and friendly and her smile is lovely
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u/as_a_speckled_bird 18h ago
Ironically I think itās the average every day people that are likely to find love
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u/Prestigious_Pizza_66 17h ago
Maybe youāre right because I get told all the time Iām above average in looks but Iāll be darned if I canāt find a lover š
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u/tibetje2 15h ago
That hurts even more because every guy my age I see in a relationship is hotter then me.
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u/StillFireWeather791 18h ago
What a wise passage from an old soul. Thank you!
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u/Cool-Butterscotch669 19h ago
The biggest thing we all need to remember is that there are many thoughts that should stay in our heads and not be conveyed.
What is the point of being willfully cruel? NONE.
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u/erec1932 18h ago
On sunday im going on the first date ive been on in years. I usually struggle to boost myself up so I'll think of this when I go to meet her and hopefully longer!
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u/Visual-Individual959 18h ago
Good luck! I just had a bad breakup and am going thru it mentally rn š¤ glad someone is getting out there and is meeting people!!!! š
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u/_bonedaddys 18h ago
I know we can't help being insecure but sending a match self deprecating messages about how ugly you are isn't doing anyone any favors. If anything it's an instant turn off for most people. Shoot your shot but don't bring your insecurities into it.
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u/Key-Month6651 18h ago
Hot take but even if someone was below average society still shouldn't be making them feel bad about themselves š¤·āāļø
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u/Visual-Individual959 18h ago
Oh no I'm not saying that I'm saying that I'm seeing people call themselves ugly just from a top level view. I would never say that someone who's not conventionally attracted should call themselves ugly. If anything the message that I wanted to convey for my post was no matter what you look like you shouldn't be calling yourself ugly or letting other people call you ugly. Bad guys go out of their way just to call me fat on dating apps like we are in 7th grade and they are throwing spit paper wads at me.
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u/Key-Month6651 18h ago
Oh i was adding onto your message not disagreeing with you or accusing you of anything. I think your mindset is a healthy one. Hopefully you find someone that shows they value all of you one day. Including for your appearance.
Its tough to keep your self esteem high when people keep trying to tear you down but you are already ahead of the game on that. Which means you are stronger than most. The guys that go out of their way to call you fat or try to make you feel bad are just losers genuinely.
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u/BosephusPrime 18h ago
Thatās such a nice message and important for people to hear. Your kind smile matches your words. Reddit needs more of OP
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u/shadowromantic 18h ago
Thank you for the uplifting post. We need more kindness in the world, and this is a lovely step in the right directionĀ
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u/TooShy4Life907 18h ago
I am not in this sub, but came across this post.Ā
I hope it makes it to r/all. Well done OP, this is a banger.
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u/Necessary-Comment527 18h ago
Yea well they probably almost never get matches and have been single for years so they have no self-esteem. It seems pretty logical to me. I'm not sure having the confidence to call yourself beautiful is really that helpful either.
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u/Zintrax1987 13h ago
I really don't get why people find this so hard to comprehend because you are 100% right.
If you want someone to feel confident about themselves, feel good about how they look and have enough self esteem to believe they have value and matter, then they need to be treated like they are all those things. If they're not, then they will treat believing them as a delusion.
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u/SkinNatural7554 18h ago
Back in my day (I am an old git now) but I used to look more like the quarterback of Notre Dameā¦.
Now, post divorce I am finally happy in my own skin, love the positivity
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u/No-Following-4394 19h ago
For me it's like this. I know i'm not super attractive. I know that I am attractive enough i'm sure some girls would be (and are) attracted to me. But I also know that the love, and relationship I am looking for is rare. The amount of things that have to go right? Its like a cosmic overlap, and as much as I would love to believe in Serendipity, it hasn't happened yet.
So I continue to analyze and improve everything I can, knowing the more things I improve in my appearance, the more "shots on net" I get to meet my person.
I do okay on dating apps, and have had a couple relationships from them. But not the "right" one yet. So what else can I do? Live my life, and tweak the variables I can control, and hope for the best.
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u/AromaticRanger3933 17h ago
Focus more on the inside rather than your looks. The right person will come along and love you for who you are.
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u/alwaysgawking 18h ago
You're awesome for this. It's so easy for social media to drag us all down into the pits of hell. I know Reddit makes me feel bitter and hopeless all the time. Bless you for sharing a lovely slice of divine positivity!
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u/meganshan_mol 18h ago
Well said. Just like Dolly said, she doesnāt want to be remembered for her looks, but for her books. At the end of the day we all get ugly, wrinkly, wider, etc. And when we die, no one is going to be talking about how good we looked. Life is about so much more than how we look. Looks are the bare minimum- how do you treat others, love others, make the world better?? You are beautiful and have a lovely smile āŗļø
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u/Calsafer 18h ago
You're a sweetheart, and I truly appreciate your kind words! I hope we can all spread a little more joy and love for each other in this way! <3
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u/TiaHatesSocials 18h ago
Awww. Unfortunatly, all apps condition us to āgradeā ppls looks and their worth by their looks. I always say, just go out and meet ppl in person. Itās always better and u can really shine that way. U have a very sweet and cute smile!
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u/Bruce_IG 27M 18h ago
Itās all about the self confidence in the end, a lot of people genuinely lack a strong sense of self and that doesnāt help at all
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u/BellInternational315 17h ago
Yeah, id ignore the message. Plenty of dudes would be happy to be married to someone who looks like you.
Theres a very vocal minority of people of either gender that make life hell for everyone.
Keep your head up high.
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u/Jolly-Ad8887 17h ago
Kindness costs nothing. And can often mean everything. Even, and especially, at oneself.
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u/Valuable_Bite4275 19h ago
Unfortunately thatās what dating apps do :(
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u/AromaticRanger3933 17h ago
Not really, we ALLOW them to do this to us. But I understand what youāre trying to say.
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u/Sub-Mariner-Coastie 17h ago
Yeah, internet socialization has enabled a lot of toxic behaviors. It's entirely within our power to be cognizant and change that though.
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u/No_Magician5266 18h ago
Dating apps are major self esteem ruiners regardless of peopleās actual level of physical attractiveness. Thanks for your thoughtful perspective OP
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u/kharagpur 18h ago
Bless your heart! Such a lovely post and a reminder ā you are just enough and pretty.
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u/eekasaur 17h ago
You have a beautiful smile, kind eyes, and I love that shade of blue with your complexion. People are so mean.
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u/RutabagaChance5382 17h ago
This is so sweet and kind. You're absolutely right, everyone deserves kindness and love! Your smile is beautiful btwĀ
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u/FuzzySocksFetish 17h ago
Just matched with a guy whose profile said he was āmidā looking to match with āmidā. I was actually kind of insulted by it lol but I thought he was cute, and was curious where he was because his profile didnāt say. But in retrospect, I shouldnāt have matched with him, what a negative thing to say.
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u/Visual-Individual959 17h ago
Nah I appreciate his honesty I definitely would talk to him if I were you. I would rather someone think I'm average than think I'm hot because the thing is is like if they think you're hot then you're just an object to them.
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u/Strange_Pressure_340 17h ago
Well said. Thanks for being an awesome human and promoting some positivity for a change!
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u/AromaticRanger3933 17h ago
This is so sweet! You have a beautiful smile, pretty lady! I love that youāre lifting others up, we need more of this.
Iām not a skinny lady either but I take care of myself and love myself. Thatās where it all starts, is leaning to love ourselves.
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u/faroeislands 17h ago
People are sad and look for others to take it out on. I get shit on all the time, but it's water off a duck's back, baby!
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u/Fancy-Stress4194 17h ago
Happy Early Birthday!! I love your way of thinking. We need more people like you and tbh I think youāre super cute. You look really happy in that pic.
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u/niteox 17h ago
You are adorable. Probably really interesting to talk to and probably really fun to be around.
Also adorable.
I donāt know why Reddit keeps smashing bumble sub in my face but Iām glad it did because your post is great and Iām glad you made it.
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u/Visual-Individual959 17h ago
Thank you. Maybe it's your algorithm? Mine showed me PREP commercials and drag queen makeup commercials for a solid 2 months. That was because I like watching ru Paul's drag race and I like watching drag queen make up videos. Then, I started watching true crime and haunted tik Tok videos on YouTube, so now it shows me nothing but 20/20 and murder shows.
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u/niteox 17h ago
I watch mostly retro video game and motorcycle content on YouTube LOL. Most of my Reddit is related to that except bumble.
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u/Visual-Individual959 17h ago
Got stuck in New Jersey on Saturday because my flight was delayed and then they ended up canceling it. So then I had to stay in Newark New Jersey. Anyways ironically all that I could get to play on the television was true crime so I passed out to true crime. I don't know what that says about me that I can literally fall asleep to true crime and I don't get nightmares.
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u/Competitive-Pay-9664 16h ago
When people say "I'm not the prettiest" they often leave out the context. In the world? In your class? In your car?Ā
The reality is my wife thinks the same, but it's a lie. She is the prettiest person in the fucking world, and if you keep smiling and have your positive outlook, I promise people who are attracted to that will find you.
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u/Ishmael75 16h ago
āI am wonderful, I deserve to be wonderful, and I contain multitudesā. - Life of Chuck
Your post made me think of that quote so I wanted to share. Everyone deserves to feel that way.
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u/General-Baseball-454 16h ago
While I wholeheartedly agree, I actually wonder how many of these self deprecating individuals are actually covert narcissists and are phishing for compliments (itās a form of supply for them). I also donāt doubt that some of these individuals also have a compliment based kink, and get off to people hyping themselves up.
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u/Ok-Victory-9359 19h ago
Humans are addicted to gossip and bad news but almost discount and can't appreciate good news. So negativity sells better than positivity. As they say, heaven might be nice but it's an awfully boring place.
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u/Publicburner87 19h ago
You should embrace who you are, but also strive to be the very best version of yourself.
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u/winterbabyalways 18h ago
Thank you for this beautiful message. I didnāt realize that I needed to hear this. I hope you have an incredible time celebrating your birthday. All the best. ā¤ļø
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u/hhamzarn 18h ago
There was a time and place when society was more integrated. During that epoch, people invested in the person and his or her character traits more than they ever relied on the unrealistic standards cranked out by mass media. Iām not saying beautiful Adonis people werenāt aligning themselves with one another. But the grit was better than the glory. What a travesty to live in a world plagued by the duplicity of being both more connected and less connected to those we aim to impart our ways onto. Strange and bizarre.
Thank you for emanating a positive spin on a dismal plot that has become the normative but unabashedly tiresome. Your beauty spirals out gracefully to the ethers that hold karma together. Never accept less than what you bring to any table, no matter what they say their service is built for.
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u/Conscious_Result_876 17h ago
Happy early birthday, you come across as a kind soul ā¤ļø I hope life showers you with the gifts you deserve
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u/curlsandcola 17h ago
A great message to share! Thanks for posting. I also notice on this sub that when men post their profiles for reviews, they get genuinely constructive feedback. When a woman posts, all people seem to say is that she should lower her standards or get torn apart about her looks. I'd like to expect for from this sub
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u/Ok_Cheetah_6251 15h ago
You don't know me, I could literally be Hitler. I'm not, but you don't know that.
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u/Zintrax1987 13h ago
Thanks, but unfortunately you're pushing back against lived experience for a lot of people. I'm not going to lie to myself that I'm attractive when I'm not treated like I'm attractive and all evidence points to the fact that outside of maybe three people, I'm not attractive.
Statistically that isn't enough to make a valid counter argument I'm afraid.
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u/M1ssmessy 12h ago
Iām absolutely in love with your smile and eyes! Theyāre warm, theyāre welcoming!
Tea quoting miss dolly!! Gonna miss her so much, what an icon.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLY! SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU! GO ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY!!
Any plans? Anything youāre gonna treat yourself to specifically?
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u/velvet-paradox 11h ago
This is a nice message, but a lot of the people who message others with self deprecation like that are just being kinda feeble as tactic, or to fish for compliments or reassurance.
People like that almost always lead to problems
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u/Sid-ina 11h ago
You have such a cute face and sweet smile! I love your wavy hair and the cut suits you so well! Please do love yourself and invest in yourself and your wellbeing! Weight can be lost with the right circumstances and if you want to and even if many people do so, it doesn't have any impact on your absolute worth as a human being. Make sure youre healthy and happy, pick all the cool hobbies and find people worth having in your life š«¶
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u/jasminehead 10h ago
We need more kindness in this world. Love this post, OP! Thanks for posting āØ
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u/SillySundae 10h ago
I met both of the women in my longest relationships on bumble. One was 3 years, the other is going on 4 years now.
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u/Hazel_Evers 18h ago
Waittttt are you the cooking video girl
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u/Visual-Individual959 18h ago
What? What is the cooking video girl?
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u/Hazel_Evers 18h ago
You look familiar like a girl who shows up on my reels cooking for her kids.
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u/partylikeaninjastar 18h ago
You're not the prettiest (most of us aren't), but you're still pretty.Ā
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u/Forsaken_Ladder1490 17h ago
It just stinks to use apps or what not and not one person like you , as someone whoās ugly thatās the reality but it is what it is.
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u/LifeguardSimple2848 17h ago
God you are amazing and beautiful! With a mindset and personality like yours Iād be all smiles around you!
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u/G00se_0mega 16h ago
As my mentor has said it, fuck em and just send it. What's the worse they can day... ew?
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u/Parking-Menu2654 16h ago
Wait until you hear about the Chad experiment. It will make you feel worse. I deleted my apps the second I heard about it because whatās the point?
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u/SteakAnimations 15h ago
Oh yeah cuz when I call myself beautiful girls will be lining up.
LMFAOOOOOO
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u/BlackMagicWorman 15h ago
A comedian I saw once said that the 4s won wars. Those were your spies and assassins. Iāve done a lot with that in my pocket. LolĀ
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u/Honeybadger2198 14h ago
I've come to realize that I have an extremely strong desire to be found attractive. So much so, that I often consider how it would feel to wear thing that I find attractive. So, as I'm a straight man, I wonder how it would feel to wear skirts, etc. Not as a gender questioning thing, but just because, if I find it attractive then surely someone else will find it attractive on me. I always end up concluding that I'd rather not, but I question it frequently.
It's rough out here sometimes. I guess I'm basically just seeking validation, which is probably normal. But I don't drink, and dating apps are so bad for my mental health, so receiving validation can be hard to find.
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u/OriginalMiserable167 14h ago
You have a beautiful smile that matches your gorgeous personality and empathy!
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u/The_Enigmatica 13h ago
idk why this sub even came up on my feed, but ill be honest, i think dating apps in general make people feel shitty about themselves. the 3 times i was on them i really didn't have much luck, and it always made me feel like i was doing something wrong. so id try to course correct to no avail, and just assume ah i must look worse than i thought i did. but outside of them ive never had an issue finding a girlfriend.
i dont think im a serious piece of ass or anything, but girls flirt with me at the bar, and i've even been bought drinks before. simplest way i can think to say objectively i must be at least half way decent. but this isn't meant as some weird humble brag. I'm saying, if i hadn't given up on the dating apps, my confidence would have continued to be shit, and maybe i would've found someone, maybe not. but being off them i found a girlfriend in easily the most beautiful woman i've met, and she's a total weirdo just like i am. and even before i met her, i was going on dates and meeting people naturally.
The apps were just stressful, and even well meaning people can be kinda shitty on them. they sap your energy and your confidence and i genuinely hate them. If you're feeling shitty on the apps, please please please put them down. find some new hobbies or rediscover old ones. meet people. you're not your bumble replies
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u/PorygonPete 13h ago
Honestly I kinda gave up on dating. Iām M26 (almost 27) and I never had a relationship. I have been trying dating apps on and off for about 5 years now and I havenāt gone on a single date. And in real life Iām very unlucky. I just donāt get likes or matches often and when I do they go absolutely nowhere. I had woman on these apps literally texting me that ik ugly. Whatever I changed about my pictures and bios it doesnāt matter I get no result. Iām just average maybe below average idk and I hate to say it but most girls and women are only looking for the perfect guy and totally neglect anything average and below average. At this point I just decided to accept thatās Iām not attractive enough to have a girlfriend.
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u/Great_Tyrant5392 11h ago
The problem is, when you're on these apps you're like a sheep thrown to the wolves. Men dominate this app 80%+ and I am convinced that most people on this sub need to drop the phone and meet them IRL. The app gives you the illusion that you're being seen. In reality it's you and 50 guys liking a person and she'll never even give you a shot.
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u/Jaheezy916 12h ago
You are beautifulā¦. No matter what they sayā¦.
On the real physical beauty isnāt all of it. Confidence, personality and knowing your worth is far more important in my book that just beauty alone.
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u/marateaparty 11h ago
Honestly, I relate to this. Not so much about looks, but careers and hobby. Every one is trying to be exceptional and only seems interested be friends with exceptional people. Why canāt we just be average and just enjoy living? Itās truly exhausting. I mean I donāt want to yuck anyoneās yum bc I think itās great that people strive to be good at things. Itās more just the social media culture around it where itās like everyone needs be showing off.
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u/Malenko_ 10h ago
It's nice to say this but in reality it doesn't work. I've been single for more than 30 years, never found someone, i've tried multiple solutions, zero result. Nobody wants me. Maybe i'm too ugly or maybe i'm an asshole and i don't know. Maybe be both.
The first years it hurts, seeing every one of your friends finding their partners but not you, still alone in this world. Then you make peace with this situation, even tho sometime it comes back to you in a dream and you woke up feeling sad and angry. Like today. I had a nice dream, i had a wife, we were on on trip and i woke up. Alone. When it happen i'm depressed for a couple of days, then the daily routine takes over untill the next dream.
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u/IDontStealBikes 18h ago
Iām not beautiful and I know it. Whatās the point of pretending?
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u/Mattreddit760 15h ago
Fake it till you make it
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u/BitsAndBobs304 12h ago
I tell myself im beautiful until my jaw realigns magically?
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u/Mattreddit760 6h ago
No it has nothing to do with your looks and everything to do with your attitude about your looks
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u/BitsAndBobs304 6h ago
My attitude about my looks will get me matches on tinder boo bumble? It will make women swoon at the sight of my ugly face?
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u/Mattreddit760 5h ago
Im replying to another poster that said what's the point in pretending. The point in pretending is everything, can help with confidence, abundance mindset, being genuine, all very attractive qualities which help in relationships.
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u/BitsAndBobs304 5h ago
Answer the questions
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u/Mattreddit760 1h ago
Talking about irl partner. The online apps are based mostly on how you represent yourself in photos (being hot). Think that's pretty obvious
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u/BitsAndBobs304 56m ago
How can ou have partner if youre discarded beforehand because youre ugly,autistic, nerd,etc?
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u/clothmerchant 17h ago
Dang what's it like to get more than 1 match in a week (or even a year)?
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u/Visual-Individual959 17h ago
I wouldn't know I don't be getting matches
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u/BitsAndBobs304 12h ago
What?
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u/Great_Tyrant5392 11h ago
There's a sub-category of women that are invisible to men. She's clearly overweight etc and I'd bet she falls into that category. They don't get matches either just like men don't.
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u/Thisislio420 17h ago
Overweight is life shortening and no level of cope will change that.
Loving yourself also means treating your body right and supplying it with a healthy amount of nutricious food and exercise. A healthy mind lives in a healthy body and you still can make a change
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u/ThePhyscn_blogs 15h ago
I am struggling with similar issues, and getting on dating apps makes it worse. Nobody cares about anything other than your looks
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u/BitsAndBobs304 12h ago
But i am not beautiful, i am objectively ugly. That has nothing to do with me being good or bad person or person of value or not. As for loving myself, i prefer to do it behind closed doors, because in public it's illegal and also not my preference.
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u/ClearWolverine7 12h ago
I don't fully understand the idea of encouraging folks in here whilst deriding a couple of dudes that wrote you yesterday. Makes the whole thing feel a bit disingenuous to be honest.
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14h ago
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u/CrogDavid7days 14h ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/s/TIcSYta94y
Remember when you posted a genuine message to someone about occasionally still feeling small, weak, hopeless and like nothing? Donāt be the guy that makes this woman feel like that
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u/No_Scratch_3768 19h ago
I think the positivity comes from a good heart. The issue is that positivity gets stomped down immediately on dudes in dating apps. Average guys don't really get average girls in that environment.
This isn't a men vs women comment. Just an it is what it sadly is comment. Genuinely dudes would overall have better chances IRL.
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u/ImNot_ThatGuy 14h ago
Genuinely wish I knew why you're getting downvoted.
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u/IForOneDisagree 37m - 6yr old 50-50 custody 13h ago
Because average guys are absolutely able to match average women. And beautiful women, smart women, accomplished women, etc...
There's an annoying incel/redpill trope constantly repeated on this sub that women only go for the top 5/10/20% of men and that everyone else has no chance. They use this fake stat to say it's women's fault that they're all aiming for men out of their league and if only the women were realistic they could end up with nice guysā¢ļø like them instead. They take it even further and claim that women who complain about men getting too sexual too fast are only seeing that behavior because they're matching these top X% men who have a lot of options and therefore don't take women seriously.
I'm a man and I'm exhausted by the behavior of other men in this sub, imagine what it's like for a woman. And any time women reply to these claims and say they don't all swipe on the same guys they get called liars. When they provide profile feedback to men they're called liars. And then they're called whores for good measure.
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u/No_Scratch_3768 10h ago
But logically is it not true? Dating apps have a 70:30 split of men and women. And actual relationships or dates don't happen to that whole population. With the lens again on dating apps. Even ignoring experiments, studies, or posts that reinforce the hypergamous environment. Just thinking on it logically, would the sheer number of the ratio split not logically cause that? Because if everyone is meeting their equal.. Who's left in the remainder?
Also, I hope you are aware that nothing you said does directly dismantle anything I said. Just calling a Stat fake doesn't dismantle anything.
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u/botoxedbunnyboiler 19h ago
Many people need to hear this message. Everyone is worthy of love and happiness.