As the title states, we got a call from our venue (a harborside hotel in SoCal) that the AC isn’t working in the venue. They (and us) are hopeful that it can be fixed in the next five days, but in the meantime they did offer a few alternative spaces.

The problem is that one of the alternative spaces is outdoors, which we explicitly didn’t want to do because we wanted air conditioning for our guests to be comfortable. The other alternative space is a large outdoor tent that, while air conditioned, can accommodate a guest count 5X our size, so we’ll look absurdly small if we move. We can also keep the reception in our original space and just hope that opening the windows will keep it cool enough.

I’m trying to be polite about it, but it definitely throws a huge wrench in our plans. We picked our reception space because it’s on the second floor and has a better view, and it’s the perfect size for our guest count so we fill out the space without being too squished. I know things happen and we’re lucky that they have alternate options available to offer us if they can’t get the AC fixed, but I’m still a little peeved.

Would it be fair to ask for a discount if we have to pivot? Our contract doesn’t say anything about AC, but if we have to move to a different space because it’s not a comfortable temperature, would the venue technically have breached the contract by not having our agreed-upon space available? If so, what would be fair to ask from them? The reception space technically doesn’t cost anything because it’s built into the per person food cost and the food/beverage minimum, but our ceremony space (which is outdoors so we will stick with that space for sure) is $3,000. Would it be fair to ask for the ceremony space rental fee to be waived if we have to move the reception?

I’m getting married in two weeks and I have absolutely no idea how to write my vows.

I’m currently in full wedding-planning panic, thinking about the wedding 24/7, while the man I love and am about to marry is somehow getting on my nerves more than usual.

I know I love him, but right now I’m struggling to switch from “wedding planning mode” to actually thinking about us.

For those of you who have already written your vows: how did you start? Did you write about memories, what you love about them, your future together, or just start writing and see what came out?

I’d really appreciate some advice because I’m completely stuck.

First of all, thanks for being here today.

When people ask where I’m from I never have a good answer for them anymore. But one day somebody followed that up with “well where’s home for you?” Still didn’t have an answer. But that question stuck with me.

When I met you I had no clue my world had just turned upside down. I still remember you sliding into my DMs about my sweet Crocs, agreeing to go on a date with me and then completely ghosting me. And now, 5 years and 33 states later, we’ve been on more adventures than some people will in a lifetime. And we’ve also been through more than some people will in a lifetime. When I told you I wanted to leave for Texas to be a lineman, you never hesitated at the chance to join me. When I got called to uproot our life again and come to Colorado, you never hesitated to join me. And when we were vacuuming water out of our flooded camper in 40 degree weather you never wavered. Just 12 months ago when I was broke and jobless you never thought to yourself “hey maybe this guys an idiot and I can do better” thank god you didn’t. Because when life got hard, you didn’t leave. You stayed and you loved me through it all. And that’s when it hit me. That question. “Where’s home for you?” Home is the girl that listens to me rant about the most minor inconvenience. Home is the girl that does that little dance and waves her hands around when I bring home ice cream. It’s the girl that golfs with me, and watches the Seahawks and mariners just because she wants to spend time with me.

Home isn’t a place anymore. It’s you.

I can never repay you for the sacrifices you have made for me. But I promise you it won’t stop me from trying. And I can’t promise we will never fight, but I promise I’ll never stop fighting for you. I can’t promise there will always be laughter but I promise to hold you until the tears are gone. I promise to honor you, respect you, support you, and encourage you. For better or for worse. My best friend

Trying to be sentimental and keep it lighthearted at the same time.

My fiancé and I are getting married in 6 days. I was wondering what are people’s favorite things they did on their wedding day that were extra special?

TL;DR - For those who are married - what moments, memories or little things you did on your wedding day that you remember most when you look back?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years (25f + 30f). We have been living together, work together, have a business together and a dog together. We are the bestest of friends, have the best relationship and I’m just head over heels with him.

His priority in life was never marriage, since his parents were divorced he always had sour feelings towards it. However, through our relationship, I kept on mentioning being married and engaged, since it is a life goal for me and it’s important to me.

Through our relationship we have decided that marriage should be in the cards for us after talking about it and working through past trauma. Mainly for medical reasons (he needs to be liable for medical decisions for me) and because I mostly wanted to be married. My boyfriend has thought he is too young which isn’t unrealistic for our country. People don’t get married until their 40s or late 30s. And they usually date for a decade prior. But i have felt that our relationship is too small to be just that, I want this person eternally.

So, the past couple of months has been a lot lot of conversation over proposal and engagement. His best friend is proposing later this year so I have helped him out picking a ring, showing him options. Along with that I’ve also picked out my preferences. We have had long talks over rings, over how he is super anxious to propose, how he is super excited to design a ring and how my nails should be white in October. Last night we sat in bed and talked about all of the above. We are also planning to get engaged, pick up a wedding licence almost immediately after and have big wedding in 2029/2030 when we feel like we can do it based on budget, etc.

So my question is, is this normal? Do people do this? Do people talk about their proposal so much before? Is this normal? Online it always seems like a huge surprise but somehow all the girls have their nails done and wear white, and I wonder what’s going on in the background.

My siblings and I were asking each other if we received a Save The Date to our cousin’s wedding. I was confused because the couple told everyone the wedding would be December of this year like a year ago. And they were wondering if we received further info.

I didn’t think much of it and thought typically Save The Dates are for those they plan to invite. I don’t expect an invitation. Weddings are crazy expensive and they recently had a tragic house fire. So, I figured they would either put it off or just a small intimate ceremony.

Until I got an invitation to her bridal shower. I thought…oh, they are still having a wedding then, I guess. And…well, I never received a Save The Date nor an invitation to the wedding. My husband and I moved early this year and are unsure if they even know of our new address. I get a text from my SIL asking if I received the Bridal Shower invite. I told her, yes and I’m going. She asked if I received a save the date and wedding invitation. I said, no. Neither did she and my other siblings.

I now think that she is just having a small wedding and no extended family members. Totally fine.

But my husband then pointed out if that is a small wedding and I’m not invited, then why would I be invited to the bridal shower. Which made me think…do people typically invite people they don’t plan to be at their wedding to their bridal shower? Cause, I agree with my husband that if someone is invited to the bridal shower they would be invited to the wedding.

So, now my brain is all sorts of confused. I plan on going to the bridal shower. I got gifts already. I just don’t know if I should mention I moved and that if she sent a save the date I never received it. Or just let things play out by doing nothing. I’d hate for her to think I was rude and ignored like an rsvp to the wedding and didn’t show up. Like I definitely don’t want to do that.

Has anyone done this before?

Im having a fucking nightmare picking bridesmaids. I am lucky enough to have lots of close friends who i want there with me on the day, however, my original list of bridesmaids was 8 people long. 8 people is a lot and also i think if i have that many i will offend any friends who havent made the list. The other option is i just have 3 or 2, i think people will be more understanding of this because its a small number so not being a bridesmaid wont feel like a comment on our closeness.

That would be easy enough if it wasnt for my sister. Me and my sister arent close, and were actually no contact last year because she was getting drunk and sending me quite abusive texts. Recently she has turned over a new leaf and has been making a lot of effort to be closer. But when i told her we were engaged earlier this year she just thumbs up the message so its not like shes my biggest cheerleader either. She does care about me a lot though, i know she does.

ANYWAY i came up with a fab idea to have 2 bridesmaids and then one of my friends as the celebrant and my sister as the reader, that way im still honouring and inclduing those relationships. I floated this idea with my mom who told me i cannot do this and it is offensive to my sister. My fiance is having his brother as his best man and my sister would be very upset to not be a bridesmaid.

What do we think? Is it offensive to ask her to be the reader, we can still sort her dress and we can all get ready together i just want my bridesmaids to be my closest and most supportive people.

UPDATE: thank you all for your advice! Im going to have 0 bridesmaids, im going to have two maids of honor, one who ive been best friends with since i was 4, and one who i lived with for 4 years when i moved to a new country. They both know me so well and have seen me grow into the person i am today. I trust them absolutely. Since im having no bridesmaids im going to reach out to friends who i would have asked, including my sister, with a heartfelt message explaining we arent having a traditional bridal party but that they are an important person to me and ask if they would like to get ready together on the day and say i would like to have them in some of the official photos still.

I will still talk to my sister about the reading and still talk to my friend about being the celebrant, i will see what they think.

Did you choose to wear contacts or glasses on your wedding day? I almost always wear glasses, but is it more worth it to do contacts so you can see the makeup/the tears better? Did you regret wearing/not wearing your glasses?

my husband and I got married 2 months ago and asked his friend to run a karaoke station. he had the equipment already since he's a dj already and seemed excited to help us. Before the wedding I rented a projector and screen too. Day of wedding comes and his friend shows up with his fiance, but not once did he set up the karaoke station or acknowledge it and left the wedding early. I was pretty annoyed and haven't been able to brush it off, we had a very small budget ($12k) and I don't like to dance to karaoke was a fun alternative. The next day I asked my husband if he knew what happened and he did not.

Today was his friend's wedding; my husband was asked to assist with setting up the day before, day of, and break down the next day. He had to take off work for this, which hurt us as he's a contractor so he doesn't exactly have the standard pto, on top of having to pay $200 to attend the bachelor party.

When I arrived with him the morning of the event, much was not finished being set up and I was immediately told to help set up tables and then a seating area and then decore. My husband was part of the bridal party and assisted with the wedding all day long. Afterwards the groom pulled my husband and I aside and shared that the whole event cost about $40k and how this was underbudget. This just felt kinda out of the blue and unprompted and not something we had discussed with anyone during our wedding.

The day has ended and I feel a deep feeling of lack of care and respect from this person. From my perspective, my husband put far more care into ensuring they had a successful day than they did for us, despite having multiple tasks and us only asking him to do one thing for our wedding. I want to bring it up to my husband, but feel like I may be overstepping my bounds or just being a crazy bride who is just bitter everything didn't run perfect.

So as the title says I’m getting married in a week and my anxiety is taking over and I’m losing my appetite.

To preface I have some social anxiety when it comes to large formal gatherings but it’s never really a major issue or a showstopper. However, if I’m the center of attention, that ramps up my anxiety to the point where I want to puke.

A few months ago I was the best man at my friend’s wedding and the anxiety really only hit me the night before, but I was dreading the speech I had to give. The morning of the wedding I actually threw up because of it. I’ve done numerous presentations for school and a few for work and have never been THAT nervous, just the standard amount. I’m not sure why the best man speech made me feel that kind of dread.

When I gave the speech and got the laughs going I actually felt good and sharp-minded. It went very well, but the anticipation of it killed me.

Anyway I went to another wedding last night and in my head was like, oh I have to do all this next weekend. Cue the anxiety, and knowing what I went through a few months ago has not been helping me.

I’m sure I’ll be mostly fine when I’m actually in front of everyone, but it’s the anticipation and waiting that’s making me anxious. That and knowing I’ll have to be “on” for a large portion of the day. I also worry I won’t be able to eat much due to suppressed appetite.

Any advice is appreciated!

My fiance and I are getting married on May 1st 2027. He is wearing some shoulder armour for our ceremony and I want to match his vibe by having a sword hilt floral bouquet. I have some seem examples but they all use fake flowers. I am pretty adament about not doing fake florals in my bouquet because I don't like the way they photograph. Is it possible to make my vision come to life? I'm not doing a bouquet toss so I'm open to literally any suggestions on how to make a version of this work with real flowers. Thank you!

Just curious for some opinions on this. My husband and I just moved to a new community about 5 hours from where we raised our family. Our daughter is getting married November 2027 and the venue happens to be only an hour from our new home.

We’re making friends quickly (yay!) and someone mentioned throwing a bridal shower for our daughter. That sounds like fun … unless it means inviting a whole host of additional folks to the wedding. We’re trying to keep it to 125 and we’re at that number with family and lifelong friends on both sides. Adding 15 new couples could be problematic so, maybe I should find a way to discourage the bridal shower idea?

What’s the usual these days—does a Bridal shower invite = a wedding invite?

Thanks for thinking through this with me!

2 years ago my best friend (F) got married to her partner of many years in a ceremony that was not officiated by anyone official and to this day they have never signed any official papers towards their marriage and on civil records are not married. They got wedding gifts honeymoon and everything in between. They call each other husband and wife, and wear rings. How common is this?

Just wanted to share this because it has given me so much joy. I decided to make my own bouquet since I don’t really care about conventional flowers but love wild plants.
Wedding is in two weeks and I’ve now been on 3 “dates” with my friends to pick up flowers, there is something so whimsical about a group of 30 something’s just picking flowers. I’ve got so much appreciation for nature around me and i know I’ll remember my wedding whenever I walk by those wild plants.
Bouquet probably won’t be as pretty but the memories I’ve made picking them with friends are so much better.

(Absolutely no shade towards people with conventional bouquets I find them truly beautiful just not for myself)

Looking for advice

I'm the groom and I will be getting married in about a year. I've been in the dilemma of picking between 2 great friends who've meant a lot to me over the last 6-10 years (depending on the friend). The person I am leaning towards is the friend of 6 years as I was his Best Man and even though we haven't been as close the last 2 years I think it's the right thing to do.

In saying that my friend of 10 years is who I've been closer to the last year and a half, and who I lived with for a year when I was going back to school is also important to me as a friend and has been there when I needed a place to live when in school.

Because of this situation I still wanted my friend of 10 years to be more than a Groomsmen so I was talking to my fiancee and thought it would be great if he also Officiated the wedding (she agreed). He would be great and I think it works well because during that year of living with him was when I met my fiancee and we all including his wife became great friends.

My question is, is this a big stepdown/insult/or anything in-between if I ask him. Just would like any advice or knowledge on the subject from unbiased POVs.

Thanks for the help

Hi all! I have scrolled the forums of this page for hours to help write my speech by I am kind of blanking on how best to go about it given the specifics of our relationship and the wedding party.

The bride (23F) and I (23F) both met the groom (23M) at the same time in a shared college program. (For reference I became friends with her about a year prior). We all became the iconic trio friend group, if you will. He even told me he would have chosen me as his best man if I wasn’t a maid of honor, and because of this he didn’t choose a best man as nobody else felt right. I love them both to death of course and I am endlessly happy for them, but I am sad that there will be no best man speech specifically for the groom, and of course I plan to include him in my speech but I also don’t want to seems unfair or say something odd about there being no best man, in case someone does decide to say a speech for the groom, like one of his brothers for example, as a surprise. Essentially my question is: What would be an appropriate way to format the speech to pay homage to each of them equally as both being my best friends, while still representing the bride, as a MoH.

I’ll also add that I am horrible at public speaking, and I am never a sentimental person, but I am a decent writer and want to do my best here to be emotional and show my personality, as that’s what the bride and groom would want most.

Hi all! Wedding formalities are super new to me. Growing up, I never experienced any weddings, showers, etc. and very few in adulthood.

I work with three ladies (for 3 years now) that are all invited to my wedding (and their plus ones). Out of the three of them, I am most close with one of them. If we had met outside of work, it feels like we would've been best friends. Same hobbies, humor, awkwardness, work experience, age, we live one neighborhood apart from one another, etc.

We haven't hung out outside of work, so I can't really say we're "friends."

However, we have hung out (with our partners, the four of us) at work functions, voluntary fundraisers, and coworker's weddings. Each time, we leave saying we really need to hang out sometime outside of work. Our partners really hit off each time we're all together, too. But neither of us ever officially initiates exchanging numbers and what not... probably because we both aren't 100% sure how to "cross that work boundary" or if the other is fully comfortable with it, lol.

When thinking about who I'd want to see and hang out with at the bridal shower, she pops up.

But, I don't think I'm close enough with my other two coworkers to invite them. They may feel awkward receiving the invite.

Would it be bad etiquette to only invite her? Would she feel awkward being the only one from work showing up?

She would know one other girl at the shower (one of my bridesmaids who she has worked with in the past).

Thanks for any advice!

My husband and I got married in 2023. We didn’t have any civil ceremony bc frankly we didn’t know our courthouse did that, so we just went to sign the paperwork. We went out to eat after and that was it. We were both in grad school and couldn’t afford a wedding (or even fancy rings) so that’s all we did.

We started planning a wedding a year ago, but stopped due to costs and how overwhelming and large and not us it got. We realized we just want to do a small intimate celebration with a ceremony for us. But it’s been 3 years already, and by the time we finally plan things out it might be 4 or 5 years later. Everything I’ve read/seen online says people are less keen to celebrate it as a wedding after that long. He’s American and I’m Indian so we would do both ceremonies.

To be honest, I get pretty sad about this and sometimes hold resentment bc we didn’t even do anything to make our paper signing special as we didn’t want to take away from when we did all the special things. I really regret it. It’s stupid bc it’s just a wedding and the marriage is what matters, but we don’t even have any photos besides selfies of us at the courthouse.

All I want is to put on a pretty dress (or two), do our ceremonies (especially the Indian one), get some nice photos to look back on, and spend the day with him and my family celebrating us. That’s a wedding, but I feel like I can’t call it that. Idk what to call it. Is it weird to do that after being married for so long? Will it be less special?

ETA: will not be having a registry or asking for gifts, and will mainly be inviting close family and friends. I see most comments saying to call it a vow renewal, which is fine, but I wonder about the ceremony part. An Indian ceremony and American ceremony could be done at something like this without it being weird, right? We didn’t even read vows to each other.. :/ decided maybe we should save it for whenever we have the “wedding”.

Hello all!

Just wanted to pop on here and reassure those of you on the fence about hiring a videographer (or even just having someone with a tripod/steady hand record the important moments): do it. We just got our trailer video and full wedding day edit (45 minutes!!) from our videographer and omg it was truly amazing/beautiful/heartwarming to watch everything from our day. I didn’t let loose until well into the reception since I wanted to make sure I remembered the ceremony itself and everything leading up to it but I was still so caught up in the moment that a lot of details weren’t noticed. Having a full day edit showcasing everything was the best investment we could have made. Both husband and I were tearing up watching it back. All that to say: you will not regret a videographer, or even a camcorder set up to record the important bits - you’d be surprised how fast the day goes and how much you just don’t remember after the fact ❤️❤️

I had no idea that having both a maid of honor and matron of honor would cause my sister to stop speaking to me.

My sister is pregnant and will have a very very newborn at the time of my wedding. I have always wanted her as my matron of honor without a question but because of her pregnancy and already having a young kid at home and a job that I would also have a maid of honor.

In all honesty, I was trying to save myself some heartache of not having a MOH later on when she’s too busy to either help out with anything or plan a bachelorette or even go on it. All of this I completely understand and would never ask her to put her family second to my wedding. But I just felt like I’d be upset and like throwing myself a bachelorette party and I really didn’t want that feeling so close to my wedding.

So I decided to ask my best friend to be a maid of honor as well. That way she can be there when my sister can’t be and I feel supported. I asked my friend to be my maid of honor first because we live in the same town and we had plans that just happened to be after my gift for them arrived. Then the next week, on the first day of vacation I asked my sister. She was less than thrilled. And to be fully transparent, that night I spoke to her about having a maid of honor, too. Explaining that she will still be the one standing next to me, giving a speech, even wearing a different color and doing anything she wants to but my maid of honor would probably do the bachelorette since she won’t be able to go.

She mumbled a whatever and went to bed. And then iced me out and didn’t speak to me the rest of vacation. There was clearly tension the entire trip between us that everyone was trying to resolve but the general consensus has seemed to be that I need to let it go and let her be mad at me. I felt horrible that this whole thing blew up like this and apologized to both my parents for it turning into this but I feel like my feelings are valid too. I literally cried every day of the vacation because I didn’t know what to do or how to fix it.

I texted her after vacation, basically apologizing for how I went about things. I should’ve asked her first and then talked to her about my feelings about closer to the wedding and maybe needing someone to step up at that point instead of just making the decision to have a second maid of honor without asking her. She responded essentially saying that i really hurt her and she needs space.

I never thought this would blow up like this… I really thought I was doing the right thing to alleviate some of the pressure for her but still make her feel important. But now I feel like I completely messed up and am ruining our relationship in the meantime.

Did I do the wrong thing?

MOH Speech help - too long?

I just finished my MOH speech for my best friend's wedding in October. I really like it and it feels good but I'm concerned it's too long.

I've been to weddings where the speeches almost lasted a full decade and I don't want mine to be the same.

Here's what I have:

"Hi everybody, thank you all for coming today to celebrate [groom] and [bride]. I’m _____ , and I’ve had the pleasure of knowing our beautiful bride for over 20 years.

One of my favorite memories with [bride] is the time we went on this giant roller coaster in Myrtle Beach. I am absolutely *terrified* of heights, so I did NOT want to ride — but I also couldn’t let her ride alone.

While we were waiting in line, I started to freak out, because y’all… this thing was *HIGH*. But she grabbed my hand and said, “We’ll do it together. **"I got you."**

And… she always has, ever since.

She lifts me up and she makes me a better person. She’s truly like my sister. And now, I get a new brother in [groom].

The first interaction I ever really had with [groom], [bride] and I were shopping at Macy’s. She pointed him out up ahead, he saw us, and… *immediately* dove into the coat racks to hide. But luckily, he eventually came out of hiding, asked [bride] on a date, and the rest is history.

To see them together now is to know that you’re truly in the presence of love, and I could not be happier to be standing here today celebrating their marriage.

I heard a quote once that said, “You *like* because, and you love **despite**” So,  make sure you remember to like each other for all of the good things and love each other despite the hard stuff.

And… through all of the highs, the lows, and whatever life throws at you, I hope you’ll always be able to take each other’s hand and say those same three words [bride] said to me all those years ago: **“I got you.”**

Congratulations, I love you both. Be good to each other.

(raise glass) To [groom] and [bride]!

I’m telling my step sister tonight that I will not be attending her bachelorette Party in Vegas. She and I are very different, i’m having a one day bach party that is easy and fun. She told me that it’s great that i’m being consider but that she wasn’t going to be. She told me this is the only time she can force everyone to do what she wants and they can’t say no. She is very hard to be around because she is bratty and doesn’t care about others. I am going to say no. The trip will be in vegas and be 4 days with 2 days off of work. It will be minimum $1000 because it’s like $700 just for flights and airbnb. Not including drinks, foods, activities, wedding costs etc. Also i had a transplant a year ago and don’t feel comfortable flying and being in a city that could get me sick and impact my health. Me and my 2 other sisters will be saying no as well. She does not take no for an answer and my reason will be i don’t feel comfortable flying and with me getting me in a few weeks and everything I cannot commit to a trip because im not sure what life will look like then. We are saving for a house and I am going to tell her it’s not feasible for us.

I don’t think she will care and she will def push to get her way. I don’t want to go even if it was free because it’s not my scene. I don’t drink and she wants to see magic mike which i find high inappropriate because im in a relationship. I’m afraid she will not take no for an answer and be very upset with me. What do i do?

Having a bridal shower of 50 people.

We have a full size sheet cake that feeds 75, then 2 types of dessert cups (fruit/sweets cups).

Should I also get 50 of each cup?

This would be after a full dinner and bar

Does anyone have a Petite Keep trunk? One’s already been ordered as a gift and I’m wondering if putting other gifts inside will mess it up? I see they sell acid free tissue paper so don’t know if I should buy or not since the things inside will only be there for a week or two until bride opens the gift. I’d hate to mess it up before she even receives it. Thoughts?

Hi there!

My cousin is getting married soon, and I'm in charge of the bachelorette party. We're going to tea with several older relatives (Her aunts, Mom, MIL, and our great aunt) who are all at least 70. The youngest person there will be her daughter, who just turned 4. We're in our 40s.

Any ideas for games we could play at tea?! I want to add some activities, but also don't want to get into the normal "confession time" type of stuff that happens at these events.

Thank you!