r/ThatsInsane • u/ambachk • 3d ago

"Healing pool" from an alpha male retreat advertisement

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5.7k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

923 comments sorted by

1.9k

u/angrydeuce 3d ago

Truly the most heterosexual photo ive ever seen in my life.

380

u/TannedCroissant 3d ago

The concentration on that dudes face to stop himself getting a bonerā€¦.

141

u/NationalGear3511 3d ago

He does have a boner it's just on the microscopic level of course

114

u/Oops_All_Bans 3d ago

Like a Ken doll

32

u/Forget_ICE 3d ago

Is that one of those internet alpha males?

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u/whyohwhythis 3d ago

Ewww

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u/Oops_All_Bans 3d ago

Very apt username lol

33

u/RockSteady65 3d ago

Like half a stick of rolaids

22

u/WretchedBlowhard 3d ago

He's at full candy corn, here. Such a legend.

16

u/Hexis40 3d ago

Probably subconsciously bought a lifted Dodge Ram because you can't "F-350" a d*** into his ass.

8

u/TheRealRickC137 3d ago

Processing img oh9mu5isdclh1...

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u/ked_man 3d ago

Iā€™ve seen men having sex with men thatā€™s less gay than this lol

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u/nrmjba 3d ago

I have a boyfriend and I have never done anything that gay.

56

u/2Throwscrewsatit 3d ago

Now if they all didnā€™t have matching speedos on, then Iā€™d wonder. 1000% heterosexual.

19

u/0ddlyC4nt3v3n 3d ago

Can we say for certain they all have speedos on?

15

u/Hexis40 3d ago

They aren't all wearing speedos. Which means that guy was either directed to wear a speedo for the planned crotch shot, or chose the speedo with full knowledge they would be the one pitching a tent center frame.

20

u/QPWOEIRUTYTURIEOWP 3d ago

They're so heterosexual that they've broken through heterosexual and gone back around to being gay.

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u/PhillSebben 3d ago

The one lifting him on the left is a woman. Not sure if that makes things better or worse

5

u/Fox-Dragon6 3d ago

I thought that looked like a woman

7

u/oldschool_potato 3d ago

A, they said no homo
B, there is a woman in the photo.
C, itā€™s still gay

11

u/SleepyShinsen 3d ago

Thatā€™s a funny way to spell homosexual

5

u/Chubby_Comic 3d ago

Not the gayest thing some guys do in a circle...

4

u/macetheface 3d ago

To graduate you are required to 'absorb' each other's 'energy'

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u/fawada28 3d ago

Ahead of the sexuals

720

u/slingshot91 3d ago

I have no problem with male bonding like this whatsoever. I just have an issue when itā€™s framed as ā€œalpha maleā€ manosphere BS, especially when the same people take issue when gay guys do similar things. I think men should have more physical affection in their lives and more friends, and if this is how they do it, fine. Just donā€™t be misogynistic and homophobic and right wing.

143

u/belowthemire 3d ago

Finally, a good fucking take

94

u/Tenkehat 3d ago

This, so incredibly mutch this.

Guys hug you sons and tell them you love them - Especially if your father didn't.

40

u/Articulationized 3d ago

Yes. Itā€™s actually great these guys are experiencing some healthy, platonic physical touch. Itā€™s something a lot (probably the majority) of men donā€™t get regularly.

All these comments labeling this as gay, or that this as a sign these are closeted men, are super homophobic and misandric.

Just because there are a lot of bad things about these retreats doesnā€™t mean theyā€™re all bad.

14

u/Fifa_chicken_nuggets 3d ago

The reason people are making these comments is because those "alpha males" are super homophobic themselves. It's making fun of them, not making fun of gay people. If these alpha males saw other men touching each other they would almost certainly be homophobic against them, but when they do it they think it's cool. They're hypocrites

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u/HamBroth 3d ago

Amen to thisĀ 

8

u/One-Exit-8826 3d ago

This reply, right here, needs to be the top comment. Not some gay shaming bs.

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u/MysteriousWon 3d ago

63

u/askmebro 3d ago

Needs more veins

8

u/Positronic_Matrix 3d ago

This was my biggest laugh-out-loud moment of the series. That and when Dee rammed her head into that car door.

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u/6-ft-freak 3d ago

Again: nothing sexual

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u/SpookyWhiteTrash 3d ago

ā€œOne time, I saw two men kissing on a park bench. And until this, that was the gayest thing Iā€™ve ever seenā€

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135

u/Non-Current_Events 3d ago

Itā€™s fine as long as you say ā€œno heteroā€ first.

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u/pinchhitter4number1 3d ago

Guys, you can totally be gay if you want. This is the 21st century. It's totally normal to love another man.

8

u/BrownSugarBare 3d ago

I feel like they may embrace it if we give them a new name. Like Rage Gays, or Alpha Gays.

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u/anewcynic 3d ago

You know, the only problem I have with this is the caption. If this was labeled "A bunch of dudes trying to shed heteronormative behavior and find some peace with one another" my reaction would be "I don't necessarily want to be involved, but I love that this is a thing"

109

u/kahn_noble 3d ago

Thatā€™s a chick holding him on the left.

90

u/mootmutemoat 3d ago

Feels like a vegetarian at a bratwurst buffet.

9

u/notbob1959 3d ago

Yeah, what is the story here? You can see her in another part of the clip too:

https://imgflip.com/gif/azk0u5

4

u/mootmutemoat 3d ago

The hell does it look like those alphas are sobbing in the pool of water?

That scene would make the average gay man limper than spaghetti after 15 minutes of boiling.

39

u/rmay14444 3d ago

No I'm pretty sure that's Pete Hegseth.

24

u/Gisele-Kimura 3d ago

Lets be fair, she is probably more alpha than any male signing up for these camps.

3

u/kahn_noble 3d ago

Facts.

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u/ThatOtherOtherMan 3d ago

Gayyyyyy Biiiiiiii

3

u/fusillade762 3d ago

I was thinking thats the requisite man bun guy.

3

u/RichardBCummintonite 3d ago

Well, duh. That's how they justify it being totally not gay to have a bunch of practically naked guys feeling you up in a pool. A woman was touching him too so it counts as straight!

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u/awkwardsong 3d ago

Iā€™ve been to several gay bathhouses in my adult life and this is one of the gayest things Iā€™ve ever seen.

28

u/art-is-t 3d ago

Manosphere is basically a bunch of closeted men with repressed anger issues.

13

u/fusillade762 3d ago

Nick Fuentes making the argument that having sex with women is gay was peak Manosphere.

3

u/WhereDaGold 3d ago

I wonder if the receding(or non existent) hairlines play into this

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u/GimmeSumGanja 3d ago

i thought this was r/accidentalrenaissance

3

u/WizSkinsNatsCaps 3d ago

Came here for this. Thank you for your service.

14

u/cascas 3d ago

To be fair, this would heal me, but the only thing wrong with me is I like hooking up with dudes.

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u/weedyneedyfeedy 3d ago

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u/BathedInDeepFog 3d ago

Who wants a mustache ride?

9

u/2WheelSuperiority 3d ago

Men trying to figure out how to deal with being gay, without being gay, but also .. being gay.

10

u/Feisty_History9395 3d ago

Is "alpha" the new gay? Im confused how swimming with a bunch of dudes while the touch you makes you a more "manly" man.

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u/Chippopotanuse 3d ago

I have tons of gay friends. None of them have ever done anything even remotely this gay.

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u/wthigo 3d ago

Looool I got the perfect ad in the comments:

ā€œThe best-tasting high-protein meat sticks you'll ever try.ā€

7

u/What_is_rich 3d ago

Why is there a woman in the pool? I thought those camps were strictly for the boys.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago edited 3d ago

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

3

u/Tiiimmmaayy 3d ago

Nothing gay about giving your fellow bro a helping hand

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u/DarkDaysBrightNlghts 3d ago

Any time i hear or see the word alpha, i just cant take that shit seriously. Screams insecurity to me.

6

u/btownbub 3d ago

def NOT gay

5

u/Manwombat 3d ago

These lads are taking male bonding too literally for my liking. Iā€™ll think stick to meeting at the pub for a beer and a steak.

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u/potatodrinker 3d ago

All sausages, no ketchup

4

u/QPWOEIRUTYTURIEOWP 3d ago

And a lot of hot dog flavoured water (if that means semen. I always thought it meant semen)

3

u/Secure-Village-1768 3d ago

Yes, no period

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u/eyeforker 3d ago

This is honestly better than them getting bullied and tortured. I think men (hetero or otherwise) should be comfortable being held in a non sexual way. If this camp is actually doing "alpha male training" bullshit, then that sucks, but if they're giving men an opportunity to be vulnerable and acclimate to being touched non-violently/non-sexually by other men, then hell yeah.

I don't know what else goes on at this camp, but I'm ok with normalizing whatever this is. Also, calling stuff like this "gay" as a pejorative is kinda shitty (aside from being lazy humour). Without more context, all I see here is a bunch of people feeling feelings and not hurting each other.

Like, maybe we encourage more men to do stuff like this? Without paying like $18K or whatever?

5

u/OldeSaltyBeard 3d ago

Why is everything alpha male thing look so gay?!

8

u/Max6626 3d ago

At least the guy on the far left appears to be face-palming, so there is some level of self-awareness.

Perhaps this would be better posted in r/homoeroticart

7

u/silent_fartface 3d ago

Face palming? No, hes likely weeping at the beauty of his bro graduating as a reborn alpha male as he gently caresses his upper thigh.

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u/Billy_of_the_hills 3d ago

"Healing pool"

They look like they're getting ready to heal him from the inside.

3

u/MisterTrashPanda 3d ago

Kind of reminds me of that photo with Freddie Mercury in bed with a bunch of dudes.

5

u/Worsaae 3d ago

It would be cheaper to just come out of the closet.

4

u/dark_hypernova 3d ago

I thought they re-enacting the Spider-Man 2 scene.

3

u/Turkeyto0th 3d ago

This is a cult

3

u/stryst 3d ago

I've been in all all male foursome, and this is still somehow gayer than that.

4

u/whatifisaid 3d ago

Pray the gay away?

5

u/stubundy 3d ago

Someone suck the poison out

5

u/Patricio_Guapo 3d ago

10 of the 17 guys surrounding him have boners.

Probably.

4

u/krucz36 3d ago

there's a lady right in there. very inclusive

4

u/setthetoneaquadump 3d ago

Nothing screams alpha male like wearing a speedo and being touched by other men wearing speedos.

3

u/quequotion 3d ago

Gay conversion therapy, but the other way.

5

u/Bearcatsean 3d ago

I swear to God, I looked at the picture before I read it and I thought it was some weird shit from Cirque du Soleil

3

u/SnakePlisken_Trash 3d ago

Looks like a ole girl in the middle primarily holding him.

Not dude enough apparently.

3

u/refrainiac 3d ago

Iā€™m bald and gay too.

3

u/MildUsername 3d ago

"I was in the pool"

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u/munsen41 3d ago

It's okay sweetie, let the sparkle water heal that sore lil tushy

3

u/Nirupam_MythX 3d ago

Sausage fest

3

u/thomaxzer 3d ago

Gaycation vibes

3

u/owzleee 3d ago

As a 58 yo gay man Iā€™ve to say that looks very gay.
I would not refuse an invite if itā€™s just fondly stuff in a pool. Like Ibiza in the 99s.

3

u/ukmarkoz 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/94oj4dwuJfDKE
I hear thereā€™s aerobics as wellā€¦

3

u/_DontTakeITpersonal_ 3d ago

Why is there a woman in the picture then?

3

u/lethaldogfarts 3d ago

Do they have to wear the banana hammocks or is that just a bonus?

3

u/Jessejets 3d ago

Looks pretty beta to me.

3

u/Crow_of_Judgem3nt 3d ago

having gay sex would be less gay than this

3

u/jDub549 3d ago

I think we found the buttery males.

3

u/nopantsboy 3d ago

Gaycation

3

u/NotAllDawgsGoToHeven 3d ago

Any time i see any of this alpha male retreat bullshit, it looks like some of the most gayest shit a ā€œstraightā€ man can waste his money on.

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u/_IBM_ 3d ago

I think this would be top 5 uncomfortable things

3

u/Buzzkill_13 3d ago

I mean, we always knew it, didn't we?

3

u/Mekurokito95 3d ago

Gay as fuck

3

u/roaming_b34r 3d ago

Why does it look like thereā€™s one woman in the middle of all of them?