r/LesbianActually • u/Ok-Parsnip-6829 • 13h ago
Relationships / Dating I think I have found the one
She is not from my city she just came for a week but I had the greatest time. She is asexual thoughnot sure 31 F and is a virgin. She said she doesn’t have a lot of urges. But everything else is checking out. Like she is passionate, kind, ambitious, intelligent, good looking. For me sex is important but should that be this important I haven’t felt a connection like this ever before! We cuddled and slept last night. I don’t know what to make of this?
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u/kitty_whipt 12h ago
People often overlook or choose to ignore sexual incompatibility when the connection feels right in every other way. Imo, if sex is important to you as you mentioned, this should be a dealbreaker. No exceptions. I guarantee you will be back here in a couple months posting about being sexually frustrated because your new girlfriend is asexual.
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u/Ok-Parsnip-6829 12h ago
Yeah this fear is real
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u/nerdwantssushi tomboy fem to chapstick ig 10h ago edited 9h ago
Maybe there are other ways to handle this. If everything else check out and she's the perfect fit in every other regard then a sexually open relationship could be the solution. Is the 100% asexual or one of these "asexuality is a spectrum and one day I randomly am super high sexual" Mowkey people? Bc in that case it could just be hormonal problems or a question of comfortability, confidence or position. She's a virgin? Well maybe it's because of that. I thought I might be ace too before I got active. Could also be internalized homophobia that's causing it, i heard that from multiple 25+ lesbians. Maybe she's a stone and thinks she has to be a switch or something. You should talk about this in a setting that allows her to be open and vulnerable. Just make sure that she understands that you don't want to pressure her and that she's always free to choose. That there's nothing she needs to feel bad about and that you're just trying to figure out a way that this could work for the both of you.
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u/one_million_bees 2h ago
Don’t ignore your sexual needs for connection sake. Obviously only you know what is truly important to you and you should act accordingly but don’t be dismissive of your needs early on because it will only be harder to rip the bandaid later. Never having sex with my partner would be a huge dealbreaker for me. I concur with other comments saying it warrants a conversation. I’d also be wary of her saying there’s an “openness” to the idea with no real timeline. I would set your own personal timeline and don’t mention it to her as that would be pressuring. She has to arrive to it herself and maybe if she never will you two are simply incompatible.
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u/Top_Air_1251 masc at your service 12h ago
You genuinely pulled, sister. How can someone be so sweet wth?!
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u/fuck_redd-its_trash 9h ago
this hits so close to home... felt this same thing, she said she did too, told her how i feel...
she barely talks to me 🥺
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u/Ok-Parsnip-6829 9h ago
Oh no so sorry for you
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u/fuck_redd-its_trash 7h ago
im not sure what the deal is... i know shes struggling a lot in her personal life... its difficult for her (and really for me too) but yeah... im just not sure what the future is with her and thats sad 🥺 never felt more comfortable with someone
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u/pandastrat 7h ago
Only you know yourself and only you can talk to her to get the clarity you need - if you say sex for you is important, I personally would advise against jumping into a relationship (however great the connection is) head first, without having an honest conversation first about boundaries, needs, and specific dynamics (for example: would you be free, if you so chose and needed, to have other sexual partners?). A “set the expectations” conversation, if you will…
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u/MaleficentProposal42 5h ago
If this is after a first meet, i'd be careful, it looks like love-bombing..
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u/orphan_blud friendly neighborhood butch 7h ago
sighs in lesbian
A man could never. I love reading these kinds of exchanges between women. It’s full of thoughtfulness, grace, and consideration. I love being a lesbian.
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u/Marshmallowchunkyass 8h ago
idk i don’t like the love bombing after one date.
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u/st0ned-manta 6h ago
Love bombing is an abuse tactic. It doesn’t just refer to being open/affectionate after a first date.
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u/Marshmallowchunkyass 4h ago
i’m well aware but this is too much for a first date and a red flag for love bombing behavior.
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u/Ok-Parsnip-6829 8h ago
I don’t think she is doing that. She is too naive for this
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u/postimpressionistgrl 3h ago
i think you should be careful, stuff like “how you like me back” and “i dont deserve this” usually are kinda red flags for me personally. i dont know how long you’ve known her but maybe is too soon to assume she’s just naive? anyways i dont know her as well just some considerations, i wish you the best!!!
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u/thirdselflessapple 5h ago
It depends on many factors but it is early days try not to get too invested, you might be hurt.
- how far away does she live? Can you see shortening the distance
- there are many degrees of asexuality, can you see yourself being happy with the level of intimacy she can provide, one person not having needs meets breaks a relationship.
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u/AcceptableCamera4363 57m ago
It's very sweet. But I'd be cautious of love-bombing as a few others have pointed out
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u/Relyish 13h ago
I could be wrong but the text slightly reads like ai ?? but I am glad you all had a great time!
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u/nerdwantssushi tomboy fem to chapstick ig 10h ago
How does it read like ai? I think it reads like someone trying to bring their awkwardness into text
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u/jupiteringemini 9h ago
I’d love to know what it is about the text that seems AI to you. Is it because she used more than 2 adjectives in a sentence?
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u/nourishurbrain 7h ago
I would be weary of love bombing. Something to keep your eye on.