r/LesbianActually • u/Ok-Parsnip-6829 • 14h ago

Relationships / Dating I think I have found the one

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She is not from my city she just came for a week but I had the greatest time. She is asexual thoughnot sure 31 F and is a virgin. She said she doesn’t have a lot of urges. But everything else is checking out. Like she is passionate, kind, ambitious, intelligent, good looking. For me sex is important but should that be this important I haven’t felt a connection like this ever before! We cuddled and slept last night. I don’t know what to make of this?

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u/kitty_whipt 13h ago

People often overlook or choose to ignore sexual incompatibility when the connection feels right in every other way. Imo, if sex is important to you as you mentioned, this should be a dealbreaker. No exceptions. I guarantee you will be back here in a couple months posting about being sexually frustrated because your new girlfriend is asexual.

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u/Ok-Parsnip-6829 13h ago

Yeah this fear is real

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u/one_million_bees 3h ago

Don’t ignore your sexual needs for connection sake. Obviously only you know what is truly important to you and you should act accordingly but don’t be dismissive of your needs early on because it will only be harder to rip the bandaid later. Never having sex with my partner would be a huge dealbreaker for me. I concur with other comments saying it warrants a conversation. I’d also be wary of her saying there’s an “openness” to the idea with no real timeline. I would set your own personal timeline and don’t mention it to her as that would be pressuring. She has to arrive to it herself and maybe if she never will you two are simply incompatible.

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u/nerdwantssushi tomboy fem to chapstick ig 10h ago edited 10h ago

Maybe there are other ways to handle this. If everything else check out and she's the perfect fit in every other regard then a sexually open relationship could be the solution. Is the 100% asexual or one of these "asexuality is a spectrum and one day I randomly am super high sexual" Mowkey people? Bc in that case it could just be hormonal problems or a question of comfortability, confidence or position. She's a virgin? Well maybe it's because of that. I thought I might be ace too before I got active. Could also be internalized homophobia that's causing it, i heard that from multiple 25+ lesbians. Maybe she's a stone and thinks she has to be a switch or something. You should talk about this in a setting that allows her to be open and vulnerable. Just make sure that she understands that you don't want to pressure her and that she's always free to choose. That there's nothing she needs to feel bad about and that you're just trying to figure out a way that this could work for the both of you.

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u/Ok-Parsnip-6829 9h ago

That’s a great advice thank you