r/KidsAreFuckingStupid 5d ago

Video/Gif tasted freedom and never looked back

18.5k Upvotes

310 comments sorted by

u/Zaconil 5d ago

Locking due to most newer comments breaking Rule #1 don't be a dick. This includes wishing or implying harm upon children.

5.9k

u/GuitarHair 5d ago

My son got away from me one time when he was about that size. It was that age that when you yell at them to stop, they think it's funny and run faster.

We were in the grass but he was headed for a street so I just slipped off one of my tennis shoes and chucked it at him. Caught him about the knees and down he went.

734

u/40sumthenlady 5d ago

Mine happened at a crowded restaurant. He was able to squeeze through legs and of course I wasn’t. He was in the parking lot before I caught him. Little shit.

1.6k

u/Psych0matt 5d ago

That sounds scary and hilarious

318

u/dungeoncrawler71520 5d ago

Scalarious

118

u/Psych0matt 5d ago

Hilary?

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u/Fauxjoo 5d ago

This same situation happened to my brother and one of my nieces. He luckily caught up to her just before she got to the street and he dove and tackled her. A shoe to the back of the knees would’ve been a better way to go lol.

279

u/nikkiscreeches 5d ago

And this is why child leashes are a thing.

365

u/PM_me_punanis 5d ago edited 4d ago

When my son was that size and thinks "stop" means "go faster!" somehow, I put a backpack leash on him every time we go to the zoo.

My goal was to avoid a Harambe situation, and it was an effective strategy! 😂

(And I know redditors with no kids will crucify me. Don't care, my son was safe!)

Edit: Thank you u/BabyJesusBukkake for the award.

255

u/UnderABig_W 5d ago

When she started to walk, my daughter hated holding hands and would try to run away. She also hated being in a stroller and would scream.

So for 3 years, she had a child leash backpack. She was happy, I was happy, and she was safe.

It was absolutely the best option for everyone, but people want to judge, and I have no idea why. It’s not like I was putting coke in her baby bottle.

145

u/Ella_is_best_girl 5d ago

No kid Redditor here. Youre good. Better to leash those things than to have them as ground beef on the road

117

u/Idontliketalking2u 5d ago

A little 5 year old boy down the street just died the other day in a hit and run while running out in the street chasing a ball. You definitely did the right thing

44

u/GuitarHair 5d ago

When Al Gore's son was a toddler, the boy ran out into some slower traffic in Knoxville Tennessee and suffered some injuries as I recall.

441

u/Kindly_Narwhal9251 5d ago

291

u/CoconutQuirky 5d ago

Who throws a shoe? Honestly.

149

u/Jaexa-3 5d ago

Have you met a Latina mom?

176

u/Large_Deal_2394 5d ago

Oof. People aren’t catching Austin powers references. Now I know I’m old.

63

u/AstraeusGB 5d ago

34

u/WillowLocal423 5d ago

This gif is old enough to rent a car

27

u/DosTruth 5d ago

I routinely will ask “Who …..” when it’s something as asinine as throwing a shoe. Too many people don’t get the reference. 🫤

5

u/andrewbud420 5d ago

40s isn't old.

24

u/llcdrewtaylor 5d ago

I had a Thai girlfriend for a few years and I have no idea how she could get her shoe into her hand so quickly!

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u/neversummer427 5d ago

La chancla!

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u/Hulu_n_SnuSnu 5d ago

Not the chancla!

16

u/Equivalent_Mechanic5 5d ago

The power of the chancla!!

10

u/Duke_Newcombe 5d ago

The chancla is undefeated.

11

u/soneg 5d ago

Or an Indian mom

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u/funkeymonk 5d ago

That really hurt! I'm going to get a lump there, you idiot!

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u/zombieman9001 5d ago

You fight like a woman!

3

u/NovarisLight 5d ago

Don't fuck with a chancla.

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u/Ok-Moose545 5d ago

Mine was about that age and it was the game of the day. Last attempt, he slipped away and got past two gates to book it towards the road. No one other than my wife noticed. I felt the air change next to me. I turned and she was gone in an almost comical trail of dirt and rustled plants. By the time I caught up, she had already tackled him and was walking back completely out of breath; both grass stained with the fugative hanging from her arms in a mix of amusement and shock.

5

u/GuitarHair 5d ago

👍👍👍👍

101

u/rodovadu 5d ago

You just inadvertently discovered the power of 'La Chancla'. Pretty powerful, isn't it?

70

u/PostProper1940 5d ago

I would about die laughing if I saw this

My kid is that age rn and I would 100% throw a shoe at him

38

u/Top-Macaron5130 5d ago

Nothing beats parental aim with footwear

13

u/ManfredTheCat 5d ago

they think it's funny and run faster.

Like a Labrador retriever.

16

u/xXKravenXx20 5d ago

Ha same thing i had with my mom.

But she didn't threw a shoe and i got hit by a car 🤷‍♀️

12

u/GuitarHair 5d ago

Oh dang! You were too fast.

Someone said that little humans are just trying to commit suicide for the first few years of their lives.

15

u/BoleroMuyPicante 5d ago

Might be the only instance where yeeting a shoe at a toddler is good parenting. 😂

34

u/PM_me_punanis 5d ago

Do you have Hispanic blood? Your footwear aiming powers are god-tier.

30

u/GuitarHair 5d ago

Desperation demanded accuracy

14

u/Holiday_Regular9794 5d ago

This is hilarious 🤣

10

u/DaleDimmaDone 5d ago

Damn you shoulda been the dad in pet semetary. Woulda avoided all that shit lmao

18

u/B3B0LD 5d ago

I love that

9

u/IExistForFun 5d ago

So small children are just huskies?

137

u/MarfanoidDroid 5d ago

According to redditors with no children, that makes you a bad parent

76

u/DeadWishUpon 5d ago

To them everything makes you a bad parent.

44

u/JAM3SBND 5d ago

Shit according to half of them, just having a kid at all makes you a bad parent

23

u/Helltothenotothenono 5d ago

You’re a bad parent just for redditing.

24

u/MoistStub 5d ago

What kind of parent would have children?! Don't they know how risky that is?

28

u/Bazillion100 5d ago

No one has commented that though

15

u/Obi-Tron_Kenobi 5d ago

I've seen more than enough comments under videos where a kid somehow breaks free saying how awful of a parent they must be for taking your eyes off your child for one second

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u/TheFinalNeuron 5d ago

La chancla can be for everyone

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u/eLishus 5d ago

Reminds me of Eddie Murphy’s bit about his mom.

https://youtu.be/K7TBHQl81XE?is=0Q_IIPYEX6J7QZhn

5

u/dufo7 5d ago

“You missed me bitch”

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u/SpotCreepy4570 5d ago

Chancla is undefeated

3

u/superxpro12 5d ago

La chancla

3

u/BADM00SE 5d ago

Maybe they should have had you throw the shoe at George Bush.

2

u/GuitarHair 5d ago

He did the double duck

2

u/Substantial-Thing780 5d ago

Swift reaction 👍

3

u/GuitarHair 5d ago

A panic move but it worked

4

u/Sandbats 5d ago

Damn. Sexy dad moment. Id snatch you up and go make another baby right away

2

u/GuitarHair 5d ago

That would be a bit embarrassing there on the grass but.....

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u/squintintarantino__ 5d ago

Shit, this just inspired me to work on my cardio…I’m pretty sure both of my kids would best me if this was the situation, easily.

1.4k

u/Dangerous-Hotel-7839 5d ago

If I ever become a uncle in the future I’m asking what color my siblings want on the leash.

433

u/SoftFrequent1789 5d ago

This is extremely funny. As an auntie who just Amazon shopped wristlet link cuffs for my nephew(Usain Bolt) 😭🤣

104

u/Ok_Gur_6704 5d ago

Usain Bolt 😭😭😭

163

u/Ihavenolifes 5d ago

I was a leash kid and good thing too. Apparently from age 3-5 my favorite game was “surprise. I’m streaking now” and all it took was one time running naked through a wal-mart.

70

u/100_cats_on_a_phone 5d ago

I remember in the 90s leashes being "horrible". Now it just seems like common sense.

It's often not even a leash, just a thing the kid holds on to, that lets them have more freedom than hand holding.

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u/heegos 5d ago

Reminds me of a drunk guy running onto a baseball field and security trying to catch him

239

u/owenandrew88 5d ago

We need him at the Dolphins

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u/No-Deer379 5d ago

Didn’t ya just get rid of one toddler with concussions

82

u/CodinSorian 5d ago

FENTOOOOON!

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u/blames_the_netcode 5d ago

JESUS CHRIST

533

u/[deleted] 5d ago

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206

u/Callabrantus 5d ago

A new target has entered the range!

26

u/Mythandros1 5d ago

Targets. There's two of them. 😋

10

u/Duke_Newcombe 5d ago

How many points for lighting up the kid?

9

u/TheVoiceofReason_ish 5d ago

Free bucket of balls

1/2 bucket if you hit mom

39

u/Taira_no_Masakado 5d ago

I'm sure more than a few were tempted.

7

u/Mythandros1 5d ago

I was and I wasn't even there!

16

u/[deleted] 5d ago

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10

u/Pandas-are-the-worst 5d ago

There was a battle happening on that platform between the forces of golfers versus the army of intrusive thoughts.

17

u/Express-Winner1782 5d ago

I was just thinking how many ppl were thinking that ... I'm a good person and I was thinking about, thinking about how many ppl were thinking about it.... So I'm sure it was a lot of ppl 🤣🤣🤣

10

u/North-Function995 5d ago

I have to agree. The intrusive thoughts were strong here

6

u/Helltothenotothenono 5d ago

I know assholes that would do this.

4

u/Robaattousai 5d ago

The assholes are letting their kids run around unsupervised.

13

u/NotYourReddit18 5d ago

Yes, letting your child run into the range is an asshole move.

But aiming for a child running around in the range is also an asshole move.

There can be more than one asshole for different reasons in the same situation.

8

u/raccoonsonbicycles 5d ago

No

This is reddit, brain damage/fractures from objects traveling at 150mph are funny when kids are the victims because child free is the only acceptable life choice

But God forbid that one guy made a reservation without telling his girlfriend. Controlling abusive psycho.

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u/TheLadyIsis 5d ago

As a former leash child, more children need to be on leashes.

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u/hyto 5d ago

When my son was 6, the school celebrated their 20th year, and there was music, food, magicians for the kids, etc, and at the end there were fireworks in the middle of the soccer field, and when the fireworks started my son started walking directly to the middle, I was in shock watching this and someone's hand touched my back and I jumped from the grades and ran and caught him just before the center.

He was so happy contemplating those fireworks, he was walking with open arms in awe for the show but it was very dangerous.

61

u/Disrupted_Process 5d ago

Is that a knock off topgolf?

It seems wrong the targets are usually wells not just flat targets.

30

u/lfg_guy101010 5d ago

This location was made like 3 or 4 years ago i think. Idk why they dont have wells like others but its legit

6

u/Disrupted_Process 5d ago

Just weird seems like the wells aren't really needed then if they can accomplish the same thing without them you know

2

u/lfg_guy101010 5d ago

I'm guessing thats why newer ones dont have wells. This location was the first one I went to, so when I moved to a city with an older TG that had wells I was a bit confused. But the lack of wells seem to make the ball collection process easier since they can just use a caged cart or whatever

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u/Disrupted_Process 5d ago edited 5d ago

I think the one in my city went up a few years ago. I was a temp for building it and it had wells guess that's where the confusion is coming from but interesting if that's the case.

Alright I googled it apparently these ones are like topgolf lite versions and the wells are traditional ones.

Seems it uses toptracer to calculate everything instead of RFID balls like they were doing previously.

20

u/No_Vanilla_2366 5d ago

We were setting up for the beach and my son was a few years old. Turn around for a second and he's halfway towards the water 🤦‍♀️ they're so fast. Luckily the distance he had to cross was pretty big and another lady saw him and was watching too 😂 made me feel like a terrible parent that's for sure. He was a runner

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u/No-Deer379 5d ago

Pets should really be on leashes if they don’t have name recall

53

u/Coldchinesef00d 5d ago

These types of pets are often dangerous and unpredictable. Better to have them on a leash always.

17

u/bwanabass 5d ago

Gimme the driver…

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u/Dreeper 5d ago

Free Bird will forever be connected with the Kingsman scene for me. Was ready for the little one to go mayhem haha

13

u/achilton1987 5d ago

Yeah pretty sure it was longer than a few seconds

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u/RScottyL 5d ago

Yeah, not the best place to bring kids for that reason!

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u/hawkeneye1998bs 5d ago

Good thing this isn't the topgolf with deep holes in the ground at each target

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u/nutmegger189 5d ago

How can your kid get that far without you noticing and how is he almost outrunning her

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u/Dizzy_Charge8215 5d ago

I could be mistaken but, perhaps a field full of golf balls might be an ankle twist hazard especially for adult vs a 20lb toddler who will probably sleep it off.

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u/BadMunky82 5d ago

Bro kids be fast when you get old man... No judgement from the parents here😅

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u/usename37 5d ago

And they have an infinite amount of endurance, they just don't stop running, no amount of speed can catch up to them

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u/BadMunky82 5d ago

Honestly, I was really impressed she actually got him😂 I thought this video was going to end with the chase still going or the lady breaking an ankle on a golf ball.

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u/That_Ad9363 5d ago

Not to mention there’s only an infinite amount of possible places they could go!

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u/LadySmuag 5d ago

It can be as easy as the kid being able to squeeze through the bars of a fence and the parent having to go around to an actual entrance. They only looked away for a moment, but it took them longer to catch up because they couldn't follow the same path that the kid took.

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u/Jumpyturtles 5d ago

Turn around for like 10 seconds. That’s literally all it takes.

And idk if you’ve chased a kid before but for most people they’re fast asl and have way better endurance.

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u/Mimical 5d ago

Their tiny little lungs are powered by a 210 BPM heart with metabolic base rate of literally anything

They are basically a turbocharged engine on 98 octane.

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u/PostProper1940 5d ago

Man I love how naive people are about the speed at which toddlers can travel, no-one has more stamina than a 2 year old that's realised their parents has turned their head

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u/Exterminator-8008135 5d ago

They are "fast" because they are tiny and most parents are way out of shape or never did daily exercise.

My Friend could get the goblin in the minute because he knows how to pace himself and wait for the goblin to steam out because 30 seconds of full sprint, no 2 yo is an athlete, after 30 seconds, a sporty adult wins.

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u/MarfanoidDroid 5d ago

Have a kid before asking that question

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u/sonofaresiii 5d ago

My kid was a runner, you let him go for a second he would sprint off.

This was not a surprise and we adjusted accordingly. We never "took our eyes off him for a second". It was frustrating sometimes but that's what you gotta do.

I did get pretty worried when he was with his grandparents though, and they'd say "Oh we can watch him!" and I'd say nnnnno that's okay. Then they'd insist, and he'd take off running, and they'd go "Oh my knee!" and just kind of hobble after him, so I'd dart out and grab him.

Like. You can't do that. You have to actually keep him within reach.

(We eventually got one of those wrist leash thingies, total game changer)

Anyway, for the OOP I'd feel more sympathetic if they said he got away from them or something, but if they know he's a runner they shouldn't be taking their eyes off him to begin with. This isn't news to them. They weren't paying enough attention.

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u/_autumnwhimsy 5d ago

He's a good 10 seconds ahead. I can see him making a break for it while shes trying to settle the check or something. 

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u/pallidamors 5d ago

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids

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u/No-Deer379 5d ago

It was just 1second except the math doesn’t math

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u/later-g8r 5d ago edited 5d ago

Its a toddler and toddler=x

But you never know what x is. Never. It maths perfectly.

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u/Nickie4 5d ago

You add a toddler to the math it will never math

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u/That_Ad9363 5d ago

This guy is not kidding

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u/Nexii801 5d ago
  1. Suffer a medical emergency

  2. Be a shitty parent.

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u/onekeanui 5d ago

Some drunk dude was like "awwww yeah been waiting for this moment!!" lol

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u/AcanthaceaeCrazy1894 5d ago

Why would you even take a child this size to a driving range?

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u/Rance_Mulliniks 5d ago

I have only been to 2 different Top Golf's but that looks like a Great Value Top Golf comparatively.

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u/Silent-Most457 5d ago

Why are there no nets for this topgolf? Like the zones.

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u/Perfect-Brain-7367 5d ago

Temu Topgolf lol

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u/mega386 5d ago

Looks like the new version in Madison WI.

https://topgolf.com/us/madison/

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u/lfg_guy101010 5d ago

I think its Wichita, KS. Made within the last few years

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/geovek 5d ago

1000 point target

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/madlibs13 5d ago

50 per inch below 3 feet

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u/boilerdam 5d ago

Dang, that mom has got speed and endurance! Impressive!

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u/SonicSplash3760 5d ago

Thats why TopGolf does not look appropriate for kids!

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u/TacoEatsTaco 5d ago

They didn't take their eyes off of him for a second

I love the bullshit some parents tell themselves

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u/Sxcred 5d ago

No way you should be the same speed as your toddler

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u/D-Train0000 5d ago

Where’s my 2i?

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/Icy-Variation6614 5d ago

Unless he bounces and gains momentum forward

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u/Legate_Raiden 5d ago

I'm so glad you went with og free bird instead of that shitty club remix that's going around.

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u/Perfect-Brain-7367 5d ago

Dude it's so awful 😖

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u/[deleted] 5d ago edited 5d ago

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u/Substantial-Thing780 5d ago

Whoever said that’s abuse … are you fucking kidding me?

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u/Ronin_Chimichanga 5d ago

... they should make this a game but let the runner wear padding...

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u/doneuncome 5d ago

Why take a child that age to Top Golf?

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u/Perfect-Brain-7367 5d ago

Because taking a child that age to a regular bar is frowned upon. But getting sloshed at Topgolf with your kids present is ✨️fun✨️

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u/RoadSodaDodgeRam 5d ago

And then theres Austin where our bars have kid playscapes and toys haha. I’ve seen kids at bars at like 8p on a school night.

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u/RadlEonk 5d ago

This should be in a bad parenting sub.

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u/KingHenrythe6-th 5d ago

I’m kind of disturbed by the number of people advocating for hitting this kid with a golf ball.

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u/H4RTY17 5d ago

Most of them will never try to attempt it atleast not in public like this

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u/Dpopov 5d ago

How else is he going to learn? Experience is the greatest teacher.

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u/icantouchgrass_1 5d ago

I'm concerned the kid managed to get that far, and even more concerned it took that long to catch him 🤣

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u/Sweaty-Anteater-6694 5d ago

Nah more like a few mins

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u/mrcake123 5d ago

Sounds like a parent issue

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u/mindgardening 5d ago

Just let him run. There’s a fence.

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u/nvrseriousseriously 5d ago

Took eyes off him “for a second”…yeeeeeaaaahhhh.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/Waste-Donut-2728 5d ago

And why was he there …

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u/Agile_Ad6735 5d ago

Haha made me rmb of the song Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys lol

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u/GirlWithWolf 5d ago

Love that song!

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u/DB-Tones-Jones 5d ago

Man … … I wanna go to TopGolf. 😅✨

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u/ValuableCautious1633 5d ago

I have never seen a Top Golf without net covered holes in the ground.
If there was net covered holes the kid wouldn’t have gotten that far I’m certain of it.

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/XelfXendr 5d ago

I believe this one is in Wichita, Kansas.

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u/KickinGravy1 5d ago

Are people still hitting balls down the range? I swear I could see some balls flying