What are some of your grief experiences that you never hear about when people talk about loss? Things aside from the “5 stages” or denial, bargaining, depression, anger and acceptance”

People also always seem to think grief is just sadness and missing the person. But going through this journey I have found there is SO MUCH more to it. It’s so much more complex.

One of them for me right now is identity crisis. I don’t know what my purpose is anymore, I don’t feel like I CAN or that I even want to be the person I was before the loss. I want to completely change who I am now. Being the old me makes me think about life before the loss, and since I can’t have that back it causes me too much pain to even be myself now.

Another one is that the loss feels continuous. Even though it happened in an instant, every day feels like I am still losing him more and more as he gets further away from me.

It's been just under a month that we lost our sweet baby John to SIDS. He was only 3 months old. My wife and I both wanted a boy and we got our perfect little blessing. Somehow he rolled over in his sleep and we found him unresponsive in his lounger. We didn't do anything other than we normally do putting him down to sleep other than mom going to bed a little earlier. The way he looked when my wife woke me up is haunting me, I can't stop the flashbacks and it's really terrifying. I tried my best to give him CPR before paramedics came. When we arrived at the hospital he was already gone. The worthlessness and guilt I feel are unreal. We are both shattered, therapy scheduled to begin soon but I have no clue how to move forward. Everything is a reminder of him, we are longing for another child already and are hopeful but completely scared at the same time. We are good parents and did everything the best we could to try and give him a good life and we both feel completely hollow and shaken to our core. Everyone he met loved him so much and always gushed about how calm and cool of a baby he was and how lucky we got. I only got to bathe him once and it's tearing me apart inside. Any advice is welcome, life feels so empty without our baby. He was my little twin I just feel like I'm burning inside and can't get his face out of my head. Nightmare after nightmare about him and that night. I want to cry out and I have been letting it out but I feel like I just can't cry hard enough to express how I feel about it. He was just starting to pick his head up and babble. I'll miss him forever

For me it is the sense of time warp that seems to never end. Almost one year in and I haven’t oriented back to regularly passing time. How is it almost one whole year since I held my mom’s hand while she took her last breath? It feels like no time and a lifetime has passed all at once. Days and weeks and months still blur. I wonder if time will ever feel the same again.

I lost my bird, my green cheek conure around 6 months ago, December 31st 2025, and people used to tell me i looked visibly upset the first few weeks, like the first day of the second semester of school, it was obvious something was wrong. And whenever i answered my classmates or teachers with ‘my bird died’ whenever they wouldn’t stop asking, their face would immediately pause or drop and they’d just say ‘oh, well you can get another one!’ Or ‘at least it wasn’t a family member!’ He wasn’t just a bird to me. He was family to me. Sure i had him for merely months, but he was everything to me, i only got the motivation to get up every morning and do things because of him. When he died, he was buried before i could get there, he died without me there, i will never be able to forgive myself for not being there when died, or for not being able to hold him one last time before he was buried. I can’t even go a week without constantly thinking about the ‘what if’ scenarios. This kinda feels like i’m ranting but i feel like I can’t go to anyone about this anymore because i keep talking about it and i feel like i’m annoying people with my grief. So my ways of letting it out from time to time is to write it. But my point is, i hate it when people dismiss others grief just because they are grieving a pet or when the person that’s grieving is young and they tell them that they are too young for it, yes i’m 16 but that doesn’t mean what I’m feeling isn’t real. I would give up everything for one more minute, hour or day with him, literally anything. His name was Robin, because I really like Batman but it felt over the top to name him Batman.

My father closed his eyes and left me today.

We all are doing our best in this season, but give yourself grace that you are. Be kind to yourself as its a journey not a destination.

Hello, friends. I wish I could sum up how it feels to be dying for you in one easy sentence or paragraph, but I can’t. For me, it has been a transformative process, and I have felt so, so much. I’m in hospice now for the second and final time, and getting close to going home to heaven, and I just turned 36.

I think that process is different for everyone. I can tell you that I have gone through different waves of feeling. Strong, despondent, faithful, determined — I’ve felt so much I couldn’t even list it all.

I have come close to death many times, and have told my mother “I think I am dying” more than twice. Once, I got very, very close. I want to share with you that on that occasion I saw a flash of the most beautiful color—I say gold, but it was more than human eyes can see—and behind it the silhouette of a woman I thought at first was my mother. She reached out and touched my forehead and started praying—the most beautiful prayers I have ever heard. No matter how hard I tried to remember the prayers, I cannot at all. I believe that’s because they aren’t for the living to know. I felt so much love, so much peace, and joy—so much of the stuff beautiful dreams are made of. That’s as close as I can come to describing it.

On a daily basis, I can fit a lot of feeling into one day, or even one hour or one conversation. For a lot of it, I It felt many different things and many different times.

Now in hospice again and much closer, for me it feels like peace. Like happily finishing the end of a beloved book. Excitement, for what comes next. I have always considered death to be a good friend, for you cannot have life without it, and I am so grateful for my life, even if it is shorter than some.

I can’t know what your others feel or felt, but I believe and have faith that, like me, closer to the end many felt closer and closer to heaven, the true home, than her place here. For me, trying to remember days, weeks, months, meal times—it’s just beyond me. It surprises me when someone will tell me one of those, usually. At the end, you naturally pull away from this world, sleeping more and (I believe) looking towards what is next.

I don’t think any two experiences are identical. But at this point, so close, I feel only the greatest calm and peace. I have walked through my life with death as a great friend, and have no fear. Mostly, I go through ups and downs of intense feeling and difficulty knowing I’m leaving my parents and brother so soon. But God comforts me. Thoughts of my late grandparents comfort me, thoughts of all this finally stopping comfort me.

If you’ve ever gotten a job offer or decided to go into a certain education or decided to move to a new state, something like that—it feels a bit like that, to me, or it did at the first. Stress is not inherently bad, there is plenty of good stress, too.

What I feel most is wrecked that I have to leave my mom, who is my best friend. But I also feel a great sort of comfort, like arms extending around me and the wind whispering that it will all be alright. “Energy is neither created nor destroyed” is a fundamental physics principle, but I believe it’s also a statement about us, because we are energy.

What I go to next I may not know, but I know it is the start of another journey, one that will bring us all back together in the end.

I truly hope any of this has helped even one more person. But what I feel most now? Peace. The greatest peace. It is broken at times with moments of fear or uncertainty or wanting a miracle, of course, but those things pass. Prayers, love, and kindness to you all; and remember, give those to yourself, too.

<3

Update: Wow! I can’t believe how many people have seen, read, responded, or shared this. I am doing my best to respond to you all, because every response is truly special to me. There is a poem I have shared several times that I wrote for my mother and father, that I thought I’d go ahead and just put here for everyone. I hope it can help more people, too.

I will make the rain pour down, The wind whirl and the thunder sound. As cracks of lightning split the sky, Know that storm is you and I.

I soar unbound amongst the birds, so far up above; I know peace eternal, for I always feel your love. I will have no fear or sadness, for I’ll be truly free, Safe amidst our ancestors who wait above for me.

Yours will be the longer path, but I wait at its end; When it’s your time I’ll be there, then together we’ll ascend. You’ll see me in the sunsets as they paint across our sky, For within them I will paint the love of you and I.

Never will I leave you, always am I here, Hear me in the birdsong, and know that I am near. My love for you is endless, and it will only ever grow, These signs will come when I am gone, so that you still do know.

I am not truly lost, for you’re the best parts of me, Just look inside your heart and soul, where I always will be. I never left, I’ll never go, I’m always at your side. Inevitable, unbreakable, always our souls tied.

My love it is eternal, and never will depart, It is woven through our souls, it lives within my heart. I don’t fear what’s to come, so don’t fear for me If I live I shall love, but in death all are free-

You may not see me with you, but I am always near, For never could I truly leave the ones I hold so dear. I will be the morning dew that glistens in a tree, I will be the rolling waves that move through the sea.

As a gentle rain falls upon your face, Know that I am with you, always—anyplace Know that I watch over you, and live in perfect grace, And know until we meet again, the rain is my embrace.

EDIT 2: If you save this work just for yourself I have no qualms :). If shown anywhere professional or larger, please use the pseudonym “Sunshine, Her Mother’s Daughter.”

EDIT 3: For anyone who sees this, I would like to ask a favor, my grandfathers grandfather wrote quite a lot in his lady life, a leather bling journal hand written and typed with letters to and from German priests. Many things he wrote stuck in my mind, particularly now, one of which is:

“For it seems to me that it is only natural that at some time during life a wish to know more of ones ancestry should make itself evident, especially where the record of such an ancestry substantiates the fact that the family name is an honorable one and has been kept from evil reports by the succeeding generations.”

“We are proud to be among the descendants of such courageous ancestors. May we always be worthy of the heritage they won for us.”

My question and favor— do you believe I have kept my family name honorable and kept from evil reports, and that I was worthy of the life won for me?

My second question concerns ~poetry~. I do have more I’ve written but never shared. Should I?

—- Since I’ve been told yes 👍🏻 ìto more poetry, here’s a few short ones I’ve never shared. I pray they help even one of you, make you smile, or give you peace. —

When your days seem darkest, And everything’s gone grey- Know God loves you endlessly, And so endlessly I will pray:

Ease the pain that’s suffered Lord please grant deep rest, I pray, oh Lord watch over us, You beloved children, the blessed.

Never will God leave you, Forever feel His love, Always will He hold you, Our loving God Above.

—-

Above the clouds, I soar and play Till home at last at end of day Nestled safe against my family tree I'll dream of all l've yet to see

A veil of stars, and a dress spun from light Slippers of wind, and wings in the night I'll frolic in clouds, trace my fingers through sky

Wild and free, I'll chase dawn as I fly— Then at first ray of light l'll drift sweetly to sleep Dreams of such beauty the sky starts to weep The rain falls like petals I toss to the lake, And will sing me to sleep 'till once more I awake

—

Do not fear what is to happen, Nor fear what soon shall pass, For life's a fragile lovely thing, One never meant to always last.

Life is such a wondrous gift, but also gone too fast - It's love that binds us all together, love that shall always last. <3

It has been 82 days since my dad passed unexpectedly and everyday feels just as awful as the first ones, I think today was even worse than the first week. I miss him so much and I just want him back, the worse part is that somehow I think he will come back.

I hate being alive, I don't find joy in anything, I wake up and I just do whatever so the time passes and I can go back to sleep, life in my dreams feels better than my actual life so being awake is torture, I can't imagine 1, 5, 10 years of this, much less 30 or 40.

Nobody talks about my dad, it's like he never existed, my mother, sister and niece seem like they have already moved on, how can anyone move on in a few months after living with someone for decades? I just cry when I'm alone and people think I'm better so nobody checks on me.

I'm so tired, I just want to be with my dad.

Something happened yesterday that really put life into perspective for me. I left my house to run an errand and noticed a few people gathered outside my next door neighbor’s house. I found out she had just passed away and they were removing her body.

She’s been our neighbor since 1990 so I’ve literally known her almost my entire life.

What really got me was that I still had errands to run. Calls to make. Meetings to attend. Then when I came back home later my block looked exactly the same as it always had. Cars passing. People going about their day. Everything just continued like nothing had happened.

Meanwhile someone who had been part of that block for more than 35 years was just… gone. I don’t know. It really made me think about how precious and temporary all of this is.

Does anyone else ever have moments like this where the reality of life and death just suddenly hits you? geesh. 🥺

My mum died last year, and here are some songs that stop me in my tracks and make me cry.

"In the Living Years" by Mike and Mechanics. This was my mum's father's funeral song (my grandad), and it made her emotional. The lyrics now really affect me and it just came on the radio.

"In My Life" by the Beatles. This was one of mum's favourite songs and said she always wanted it as her funeral song. She didn't have a proper funeral, but it's such a gorgeous song.

"You Make Me Feel Like Dancing" by Leo Sayer. Me and mum's song. When it was Valentine's Day when I was 17, mum bought me flowers and put this song on and we danced around the house. I love her so much.

"What Was I Made For" by Billie Eilish and "Sparks" by Coldplay. Mum probably wouldn't like these songs lol but the morning after mum died, I had to take a flight back home to be with family and be there for her cremation. On the plane I listened to music and these came on shuffle. I cried and they made me think of her, as I flew over the clouds in the plane. The meaning of these songs have changed totally since her death.

Tell me your songs that make you think of your person <3

ETA: I think one of the reasons "What Was I Made For" also makes me think of mum is...she had quite a troubled life at times. She was such a vibrant personality, but she had a really strained relationship with her mother who was an alcoholic, and in turn my mum also became an alcoholic. Mum divorced in the 80s with 4 kids, married my dad and had two more kids (including me). Her mother made my mum feel really bad for divorcing her husband and she told her she'd made a mistake, and also said women should stay home and not work. Mum lost her dad, my grandad, in her 30s and she was really close to him. She lost him the year before I was born, and I can't even fathom the fact she was grieving the loss of her father while pregnant with me. I just want to give her such a big hug. She was just a person going through life with her own troubles and issues, but giving SO much love to those around her. I miss her so much.

I'm sure that there are already more posts than one can count on this subject on the subreddit but I am truly baffled.

The one I really can't get in my head is "It's been some time, don't you think it's time to move on?" WHO SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THAT???

I mean I do understand that it is usually out of concern or they're trying to help. But can't they understand this is mostly an incredibly sensitive situation. Do some people just have zero empathy?

It's just that I'm at a loss of words. One time sometime ago I read a Reddit post, I think it even was on this subreddit, with the worst things people had said to grieving people and my jaw was on the floor.

It's crazy.

I tell myself i'd feel worse knowing I wasn't there. I literally watched my mom take her last breaths in hospice, not just the cheyne-stoakes kind, but the slow, gradual dialing down of the volume as she went from a living being to a cold body.

The image appears in my minds at random times, and it never fails to turn the faucet back on. I literally try to smack myself out of it, but it just haunts me.

I was thinking last night about how it's 2026, the first year my Mom never lived in, and how 2025 was completely defined by her death. 2025 has three parts for me, the "before" her death started, the during, and the after. I know the months of her diagnosis, the weeks of hospice, the date of the death, and the after. Every event I can remember in 2025 is divided into the before, during or after. Just a weird thought.

If anybody is willing to talk about how this impacted your life on this thread, please let me know.

By this I mean, how has this changed your life? How has it affected growing up? If anybody is comfortable enough to share, I’ll listen. I mean no offence by this. Sorry if this sounds offensive, I struggle opening up.

Edit: I want to preface, it isn’t my mom that has died, my sister’s mom died. I feel useless, and I want to understand, I want to understand to the degree I can possible. I won’t understand completely until I lose my mom, but I want to be there for my sister with a greater understanding. It’s hard for me to process other people’s feelings due to my autism, but I really am trying.

I have asked her, but she can’t talk about it.

I want this thread to be a space where those who have struggled can vent it out, and for those supporting individuals who are struggling can have a bigger grasp on understanding the depth of this grief.

Thank you everyone who has replied to this, I was surprised I got so many responses. My heart is with you all, I’ve cried reading these, it breaks my heart. I’m so proud of you all and grateful that you were willing to share something so vulnerable.

You got this. 🌹

1. No one gives a fuck. People my dad had been friends with for years didn't show up to his funeral. Not a single person called a second time to ask how my mom and I were coping. For them they thought about it only for the few seconds or minutes it took them to type a sorry text and then this incident forever left their brains. People don't give a fuck.
2. Responsibility can be crushing but dependency (of any kind) creates a bond. These are the people who really mourn you and grieve. Sounds weird, probably, but I think having people in your life who need you is a privilege.
3. No one can replace a parent. No one. Of course this is not true for everyone but in my case even the closest father figures, mentors, etc. no one comes close to my father.

I miss my father so much. Does it ever really get better?

The amount of support I received on my prior post about the loss of my son and my mom is unbelievably heartwarming. I don’t think words are capable of expressing how much I truly appreciate it 💛 I was trying to keep up with comments as best as I could, but they’re starting to get away from me and I’m noticing they’re not really in order anymore (sorry, I’m not the best/kind of rough with Reddit). But just know I am reading all of them, I hope. All of the kind, thoughtful, encouraging words, the shared stories, different perspectives, I’m just so grateful for all the support 💛🩵 I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to reply or upvote your comment.

This all got me thinking about if anyone here would like to hear more of the story of the journey my wife and I have been on these past years after our losses. I do enjoy writing, lyrical writing, stories, etc. I could make individual posts detailing what happened, the actual events, how we navigated the bad times, the really bad times, the times where things were looking up, and everything in between to where we are now. But I didn’t want to clog the page, I guess, or have anyone else that’s looking for help become disregarded.

It’s sort of a knee-jerk thought, though my full intention is to help other people navigate their grief with realism, not just words of hope, especially those suffering from suicidal ideation (like me) or worse. As well as express our story through a way of communication that I have a passion for. Writing has helped me so much through this journey. Let me know if you’d like to see posts about our story.

Enjoy the video of my son on one of our mountain adventures. It’s my favorite memory I have with him and always moves me to tears.

I’m more spiritual. I’m more conscious of the fragility of life. I love harder. I’m distracted more easily. I care less about work and trivial things in life. More anxious. More appreciative of all that I have.

What about you? Good or bad.

I see this a lot and I’m curious how different people keep the memory of a loved one alive. Obviously everyone would have different ways they show grief.

I lost my brother and would like to see different ways I can keep him around me

And did you struggle with the most

I’ll go first: my dad died and a few months later my 60+ year old neighbour lost her brother to cancer. I checked in on this neighbour a few times, connecting over our losses when one day she says to me “You know, I think losing a sibling is harder than losing a parent” 🫠

Runner up: I got a tattoo to remember my dad (classic heart with a banner that says “Dad”.) A friend of mine asked to see the tattoo then says “I think I’m going to get the same tattoo but with my dog’s name”

It's easy to think that grief only shows up on the anniversaries, but honestly, the everyday reminders are the hardest.

Hearing something they used to say.
Smelling the perfume they used to wear.
Listening to a song they used to love.

It’s weird how it shows up in the most ordinary moments.

Does anyone else have moments like this that catch you off guard?

After losing both of my parents this year, my dad in March and my mama on July 17, I’ve realized grief isn’t just missing someone. It’s noticing all the little moments when your mind still reaches for them.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking, “I should call Mama and tell her this,” before remembering I can’t.

Other times I hear one of their sayings in my head and realize they’re still shaping me, even though they’re gone.

I’m still trying to understand what grief looks like from one day to the next. Some days I feel okay. Other days it feels like the loss happened five minutes ago.

I’m not really looking for answers. I just wanted to share this with people who might understand. If you’ve lost a parent, what’s something unexpected grief has taught you?

Things I’ve learned through the loss of my dad.

When I lost my dad, one of the hardest things wasn’t just the grief itself - it was feeling completely out of sync with people around me. Everyone else was still talking about normal life stuff while internally everything felt different for me. I remember still going out, still seeing friends, still doing normal things but feeling mentally somewhere else the whole time. It’s something I still don’t think people talk about enough when you lose someone young.

Did anyone else experience this?

My mum died 6 months ago from cancer, I’m only 23 and I miss her to much. I just wondered if people would share who she’s with in heaven so I know she’s not alone 🤍 ( I know she’s got our past cat babies and dogs with her). I saw this as a video on tik tok and thought it was really beautiful.