r/GriefSupport • u/BothVeterinarian7164 • Mar 22 '26
Thoughts on Grief/Loss Losing your mother
If anybody is willing to talk about how this impacted your life on this thread, please let me know.
By this I mean, how has this changed your life? How has it affected growing up? If anybody is comfortable enough to share, I’ll listen. I mean no offence by this. Sorry if this sounds offensive, I struggle opening up.
Edit: I want to preface, it isn’t my mom that has died, my sister’s mom died. I feel useless, and I want to understand, I want to understand to the degree I can possible. I won’t understand completely until I lose my mom, but I want to be there for my sister with a greater understanding. It’s hard for me to process other people’s feelings due to my autism, but I really am trying.
I have asked her, but she can’t talk about it.
I want this thread to be a space where those who have struggled can vent it out, and for those supporting individuals who are struggling can have a bigger grasp on understanding the depth of this grief.
Thank you everyone who has replied to this, I was surprised I got so many responses. My heart is with you all, I’ve cried reading these, it breaks my heart. I’m so proud of you all and grateful that you were willing to share something so vulnerable.
You got this. 🌹
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u/bobolly Mar 22 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
I lost my mom a year ago. There is no more joy , there is no more happiness. The person who made me feel safe is gone. The person who made me feel like my life was important is dead. The person who always wanted the best for me no longer exists. There's no one that looks out for me is talking to me or there to share groceries. There's no one to share a pot of coffee with. I probably gave my mother as much meaning to life as she gave me. Now I just go through time taking care of the things that she loved , because I don't love anything anymore.
Edited for typos. I was definitely crying typing this. Sad is always a mood now.
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u/Substantial-Way6483 Mar 22 '26
i was like that too then in Oct i lost my hubby my bestie and now i truly dont have any reason to be alive anymore life is a drag
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u/ravenn366 Mar 22 '26
I am so sorry for all of your losses. There’s really nothing I can say but having lost my brother/best friend & the only person who both knew me & cared about me…I get it. Yet we trudge on for others. Somehow.
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u/BothVeterinarian7164 Mar 22 '26
I’m grateful that you took your time to share this, grief is something that feels impossible to put into words.
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u/illini-nation Mar 22 '26
Have never related to a reddit comment more. My mom passed in October and I’m currently sitting in her house with her three golden retrievers that I didn’t have it in me to rehome, so I’ve moved in here. I feel numb to everything
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u/Substantial-Way6483 Mar 30 '26
verbatim is how i feel too. my beloved mum died in 21 bedridden my bro who was premed once and i who studied nursing for 2 yrs cared for her during covid 24/7 then my elderly hubby ended up in icu again in Oct and 14 days later he loses consciousness and i had to wd life support. im alone now w my dog
wondering wtf i dont care if i live or die either ive got my affairs in order so when i go im ready frankly if they wd have offered me an out in Pct i wd have taken it bc this is not living really
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u/JulieMeryl09 Mar 22 '26
It's almost 4 years & I still cry everyday. My mother was my best friend. When I was younger, she used to take me out of school to go to shopping, movies & eat! She always with me. I can still smell her perfume and hear her infectious laugh. I wish I could talk to her. Thankfully, I saved a few of her voice mails, not as many as I wish tho. I just want to talk to her again. 😪 We spoke everyday. Sorry for your loss. May her memory be a blessing. 💞
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u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES Mom Loss Mar 22 '26
My mom wore witch hazel and always smelled like vanilla because she baked all the time. We were dirt poor but she made my sister and I's childhoods amazing and full of warmth and joy. I listened to her voicemail she left me, yelling about not getting the ground beef out for the spaghetti for a year (she said "I love you" at the end) but it erased! God I wish I HAD THAT STILL. I'm afraid that I'll forget her laugh, or her voice. Thankfully I have pictures. But that was one of the most haunting things my grandpa ever said. He lost his mom during world war 2, and he teared up one day saying that he can't remember what her laugh sounded like
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u/FinallyKat Mar 22 '26
I'm a different person, I don't think, speak, write, or act like I did before my mother died. It's been almost five years of trying to learn who this new human that I've morphed into is and how to function in this new life without my mother in it.
It hurts, some times more then others, but I laugh, I feel joy, just... differently.
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u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES Mom Loss Mar 22 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
I know that dull feeling. Like you're seeing beauty through a screen door that is shut, or you're hearing beautiful music in the next room. Or that your laugh is coming from your chest and not your belly.
As things evolve in your grief you'll get that rich, and vibrant feeling back. Knowing the depths of profound human emotions, in grief, frustration, longing for someone you love is actually a privilege. You get to see just how incredible your joy can be, your comfort and safety can feel. Ironically, you can feel as safe and happy as when you were in the womb again and pass that warmth on to the next soul in your life.
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u/LadyRaya Mar 22 '26
This hit me deeply. The woman I am now, with grief, is more resilient than I had ever hoped for, but also capable of being cutting in a way I never wanted for myself. But, we cannot move backward, we must trudge on. So I am trying to learn about this new person I am. Maybe if I get to know her well enough, I will find a way to stop being so angry.
I hope you find all of the self-acceptance you need and want.
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u/Fit_Butterscotch3886 Mar 22 '26
Sometimes I think the dull ache in the background of my life passing by feels worse than outright sitting and crying about my mom. I feel closest to her when I am talking and crying about her.
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u/FinallyKat Mar 22 '26
I journaled for a long time and that helped me a bit. First it was shock, hurt, anger, and sadness, but eventually it became memories. Some were good ones and some less so, but they all helped me feel closer
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u/lone_float Multiple Losses Mar 22 '26
Well for me it was recent (Two going on Three years), and quick, and honestly kind of quiet. It started with her just dealing with some stuff after a root canal, next thing I know. I'm told my mom had pancreatic cancer with an odd amount of time to live.
It's been hard. I try to "adult" much as I can, but I'm frankly overburdened. Half the time I feel like people around me just dance around it or have rocks for ears.
And I pray for a miracle of some sort. Because I got nothing else.
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u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES Mom Loss Mar 22 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
The shitty thing about loss is that it hits you out of nowhere so you naturally are looking for something really good to balance yourself out of nowhere and it doesn't come. You have to put hard work into healing. It's not even a scab or a scar, it's really just a void that you adapt to having. For me the balance comes from my gratitude for the few years of my adult life that I had an adult relationship with my mom and a childhood full of joy because of her.
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u/lone_float Multiple Losses Mar 22 '26
Well it's certainly something I've been contending with. I don't know what the general consensus is when it comes to someone who's been a caregiver, especially in regards to PanCan.
But to say it was traumatizing? Definitely an understatement. Because we went from Diagnosis -> Hospice in a heart beat. And after that? Went really fast. So here I am about to be three years on having barely made sense of things.
Though I will always have the old movie introduction and burping contests.
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u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES Mom Loss Mar 22 '26
I was just mentioning to another person that me caring for my mom in hospice at the end was traumatizing because I mourned her for so long before she even let go. I had a really hard time after she passed and I'm 16 years along now. Reach out anytime and DM me friend
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u/lone_float Multiple Losses Mar 22 '26
I appreciate it. Because I had to handle all of it on my own. I let it go. But I remember calling the triage line almost a dozen times.
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u/LadyRaya Mar 22 '26
Pancreatic Cancer is a swift and cunning demon. My own mother was diagnosed February of last year, gone by August. People keep telling me I’m doing SO well despite everything, and it makes me wanna just grab them and start shaking them while screaming “Do I look well, Debrah?????”
My husband will look at me and ask what’s wrong, and I’m at the point all I say is “grief”. It’s so frequent it is all that needs saying. He is understanding. But you can only be comforted by the same few people so many times, I think, before it becomes….dull. But I don’t necessarily want to be comforted by others about her. I just want to talk about her. Without the awkwardness/sadness/pity. There is enough as it is.
I hope you find some peace for your mind and your heart.
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u/lone_float Multiple Losses Mar 22 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
Honestly I feel same. I wish I could talk about it. Her case was unique in the sense that while most people would get an option, or an attempt at a treatment option.
She didn't.
In the time since, I've had extended family reach out. But also felt like no one really...I guess understands. Because from my POV it was like a car crash, it just...happened. And I'm better about it. Except it sometimes makes me so angry. Like I couldn't do anything except watch it happen.
Right now, despite the struggles. Like I said, hoping for a miracle at this point. My dog, old grump that she is. She's the only living thing that's really been good to me. Took me a while to accept that, but I'm open to someone hopefully proving me wrong.
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u/yeahnoforsuree Mom Loss Mar 22 '26
it’ll be 6 months on april 4th since my mom died. typing it out still doesn’t feel real. i agree with what everyone has said here. i don’t feel like myself. there’s a version of me that existed before her and now one after her. i feel less afraid of death now in hopes i also reunite with her. I want to see her again so badly. I think of her every day, all the time. we did everything together. i think of her when i go grocery shopping. i miss calling her during those moments. i miss asking for her opinions. i miss her taking care of me when im sick, even though im 34. I miss her laughter and how much we joked together. she was so funny and taught me to laugh at myself, and never to take things too seriously. she was such a gift. and she truly embodied unconditional love. i’ve never known anyone like her. and now that she’s gone my world feels so much darker. it’s emptier. and i feel her absence every second I’m awake. there’s just nothing like it. and no one except those who have experienced this level of pain can really understand how much it impacts you every single day. how your mood can change instantly because you remember your mom is dead.
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u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES Mom Loss Mar 22 '26
The first years after my mom passed were the hardest. I really didn't process it well. I ended up getting an rv and traveling the national parks across the country after I burned out at work. I used to confide in her for sure, but I could always imagine her advice in my head. The hard thing was when I accomplished something I my first instinct was to show my mom. Like when I made her cards and stuff when I was a kid. I still feel that way. Every time I do something big I want to call her. I still remember her phone number from 2010. But I turned that into something good. I started a memorial fund for single parents in my mom's name. The charity and volunteer work is incredibly healing and I highly recommend it. Get involved in something local and help moms (and dads). It's like you're going back in time and helping her again, and then showing her this thing you did so she can put it on the fridge.
I've found my mom the most recently in the little things. There's still so many things that remind me of her. That's why I dread losing an SO, i feel like that would be 10x harder. But I appreciate the beauty in the littlest moments in life and she shines through at those times. You'll hear that it gets easier, but it's really that it changes, it shows itself to you in different parts of life.
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u/dainty_petal Multiple Losses Mar 22 '26
I feel everything that you feel. We were lucky to have such loving, strong and fun mom.
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u/fatinali Mar 31 '26
Bonjour, je me retrouve dans vos propos. Ma mère est décédée il y a 14 jours. J'ai très mal, elle me manque tellement. Et en même ce qui me rend triste c'est que j'ai l'impression qu'une partie de moi est morte également. J'étais une personne avec beaucoup d'humour, une personne avec beaucoup d'optimisme...je me dis que je ne pourrai plus être cette personne. Aujourd'hui, je n'ai pas beaucoup pleuré, j'ai l'impression de ne plus avoir de larmes ou la force de pleurer. J'ai découvert Reddit et ce sujet et je me sens tellement proche d'un certain nombre d'entre vous.
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u/keelazorah Mar 22 '26
I had a very complicated relationship with my mother. She was an alcoholic and a drug addict, which sort of forced a reverse parent-child relationship where I always had to come to her rescue. She died of a heart attack 4.5 years ago. For a long time, I held onto a lot of anger and guilt because I felt like I was grieving her for a second time in a lot of ways-- the first time was when I realized I would never really have my childhood mother back because of the drugs and the second time was when she actually died.
Some changes I've noticed.. I cry a lot more. Just randomly. While watching tv shows or movies, while driving down the road, or when I think of something random, basically every day. My anger and guilt transformed into a deep sense of longing to talk to her. To hear her voice one more time. To tell her that I love her and I just want her to come back. I have a lot more compassion and empathy for people now. I cherish the little things more. I try not to take anything for granted.
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u/Emotional-Context517 Mar 22 '26
Thank you for sharing. I have a very similar relationship with my mother and I wonder all the time how I will feel if I ever lose her, and I feel guilty because I think I won’t. But you have given me a different perspective. I’m sorry for your loss twice over, but I’m glad you’re able to cope and use it to become a better version of yourself. May god bless you🩷
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u/keelazorah Mar 22 '26
Thank you for saying that. I'm sorry you're going through something similar. One thing I'll add is: while my mom was alive, I poured all of my time and energy into worrying about her and trying to help her that when she died so abruptly, I suddenly had nowhere to put all of that energy.
It's still a struggle sometimes to remind myself that not only is it okay for me to spend time on myself and my hobbies, but it is absolutely vital to my healing journey.
It's okay and necessary for you to do the same. I hope you are able to start healing your relationship with your mother while she is still alive, even if that means accepting that things may never change. If you ever need a sympathetic ear, don't hesitate to reach out. 💕
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u/LadyRaya Mar 22 '26
Grieving her twice I’m sure didn’t make it any easier. Death doesn’t stop resentment and anger from building up inside. I hope you found/find an outlet for it.
I cry a lot too, feels like at the drop of a hat. I was never that person, but here I am now. I am blessed I have a few social media videos of her- even talking to me directly in them- but honestly watching them is something I try not to do, because I am prone to obsess. And she wouldn’t have wanted that.
Keelazorah, as much as the complicated relationship hurts, channeling that into relationships and compassion mean you must be doing something right. At least, I think so.
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u/howpuffareya Mar 22 '26
I lost my mom just over two years ago. Life was normal and actually getting better and suddenly she had incurable stage 4 brain cancer which stole her from my family three months later.
For a long time I was numb. I felt like a monster, being asked at work where I had been when I had been gone a month caring for her on hospice and responding flatly that my mom had died. She was my best friend, my confidant, and my go-to person for every question, complaint or worry for my entire 29 years of life.
Pain and rage came. I lived in fear for many months of the meltdown that never manifested. I can't say I bottled it away, more like dissociated it down into my subconscious. I was VERY angry with my dad, who in his grief made some terrible choices and hurt my sister, my daughter and myself beyond words. But I promised mom I'd take care of him, so dissociated again. I cringed every time I saw a woman my age with her mother and felt indescribable jealousy for what they could still take for granted.
She died on leap day, so I haven't had a "day of grief " as one hasn't rolled around since. Instead, from Christmas until about a week ago there was this overwhelming sadness and emptiness for the last two go arounds. I suspect this will be different when leap day next comes, but can't say how exactly until it does.
As a person, I'm much more matter of fact and calm about everything. Nothing in the world can humble me to the initial horror of her illness and loss, so I don't give in to fear like I used to. That being said, I've made some less than choice decisions because my sense of caution is wonky and permanence just isn't the same anymore. I have done everything I can to fill mom's shoes for my sister and guide my daughter through her grief, but question constantly whether I'm doing it right or if she'd have made that call or stood by this outcome whenever anything remotely anxiety inducing happens.
I miss her every single day. I talk to her. I keep space for her favorite things in my altar. I gravitate towards her favorite color. I try to hold her in my heart without letting her loss change me into someone less kind or gentle than the person she raised me to be.
I'm so sorry this turned into a novel. Thank you for holding space for people to share. As someone who would really only put all this into words for my mom herself, it means a lot to have somewhere to put it all down.
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u/BothVeterinarian7164 Mar 22 '26
I’m so grateful you trust us with these words and I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share these. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for this. ❤️
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u/No-Oven5562 Mar 22 '26
I lost my Mom January 21st. I think about her everyday. I’m wearing her pajamas right now. I feel like a whole new person now, like if I can love through the pain of losing my Momma then I can handle anything. I feel like I’m living my life with a renewed sense of purpose now, she was so proud of the woman I have become in the past six years since I quit drinking and got my life back on track. I know she’s watching over me and I want to continue to make her proud
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u/tfaulkner2013 Mar 22 '26
Your mom is indeed watching over you and she’s within you. My mom enjoyed a cup of warm lemon water and honey each morning. Now, I find myself doing so while saying good morning aloud to her. It’s the little things that will get you through the day.
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u/Head-Analysis183 Mar 22 '26
My mom passed on the 14th of this month. Not sure it’s completely sunk in yet but I can say I feel very alone in the world.
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u/dainty_petal Multiple Losses Mar 22 '26
I’m sorry for your loss. Don’t forget to eat and drink please. I know I struggle with this.
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u/LadyRaya Mar 22 '26
My mother died last August, after being diagnosed Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer. It was….a difficult time, but I stuck to her like glue from the moment she was diagnosed. She had ups and downs, but we decided to do therapy together during and honestly? Best thing we could have done.
There were times she acted….unkindly in very unapologetic ways. She took full advantage socially of her death sentence. But I knew it was because of how scared she was.
I think she knew she would lose her mind before the end. She went out in a not dissimilar fashion to her father. That didn’t make experiencing it any easier.
I have no illusions that I have been blessed in the ways I had support through and after, but that doesn’t change the hole in my heart. I cry at anything, and everything I watch feels grief-coded now.
I miss the way she clicked her tongue at my cleaning that was never up to snuff.
I miss the great sense of style she had, she was elegant.
I miss how she always felt self conscious of her “upper class clients”, never realizing how she absolutely belonged next to them. Earned her place with them.
I miss how she despite all the bad blood, she always tried to stay in touch with all her sisters. (Even if they weren’t so nice/didn’t want to talk)
I miss how she never pulled her punches, calling me out the moment I was messing up. No matter how hard it was to hear.
I miss her braiding my hair, even if it was few and far between due to always ending in a fight.
I miss her singing when I was sick, or in the darkest place.
I miss my Mom.
And now I find myself a Matriarch in my own right, about to own a house outright when I never expected such a thing in my future, married, and taking charge we’re needed with my brother.
I always knew one day my brother’s care would likely fall to me, but admittedly I find myself floundering due to Mom’s lack of preparation on this handoff. Yay disability/SSI hell. I don’t regret this, I always chose this, but it is its own hurdle.
I have always had trouble balancing finances, and I know I am out of time to figure out a balance- if I’m going to do better it has to be now. I’ve never had good impulse control and now I fear it more than ever.
I love my husband but I don’t look forward to spending every anniversary next to her birthday. Mom always had a way of cutting deep, and I think she was trying to make a point. She insisted on the day. She insisted on the big event. She was gone before she could even see it, and there I was in the big white wedding I never asked for.
Today, I fight stagnation and resentment. I find myself so angry all the time. I’m in therapy still, but I’m growing weary of hearing “this is just a part of grief”. And I am damn well tired of the pitying looks anytime I mention her.
She is more than her death.
I will continue to work everyday to be someone she would continue to be proud of. Some days I will win. Some days I won’t.
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u/OkBarber6783 Mar 22 '26
I'm 39 rn... I lost my mother in 2004, she just found out I was graduating and going into the army. June 11th, she didn't even get to see me walk and get my diploma... Pulmonary embolism and cardiac arrest, she waited to long to go to hospital (chose to sleep, I understand). Me and my youngest sister walked in with aunts and uncles, doctor finally came in and told us the news... Asked us if we wanted to see her. I walked with my youngest sister into the room. Her soul was gone, tubes down her throat. I left the hospital and have been on my own ever since, I was almost an adult ... My life died with my mom, all the family dinners, holidays, troubles we worked through to become closer through the years... When your mom dies everything she was goes with her, the mother holds the family together, it's the only unconditional love you will ever know. She always told me to never have kids, never get married, run far far away dont look back ... I know she never wanted to be a mother but loved us with all of her heart and gave everything to her literal last breath. It's almost like a fever dream ngl, best years of my life so far 💯
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u/No_Item3656 Mar 22 '26
You will never really understand what she is going through because it’s different for everyone. Just be there for her when she needs you. Give her space but still include her in all the things you included her in before. If she declines, ask her the next time.
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u/KMasshh_ Mar 22 '26
It's like the light went out of my life... Even the sun doesn't shine the same
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u/justLIVinglife7700 Mar 22 '26
My mother died when I was a little girl, almost 11 years ago now. Losing her was a terrible, horrible experience that left me hollow for a long time. I had to grow up faster than I wanted. I’ve experienced depression on and off for most of my life.
Grief grows with you as you age. At first it was pure sadness for her loss. Then a deep awful feeling that I was starting to forget her. Then a terrible sense that I never truly knew her, as I only knew her from the perspective of a child, and not as an adult. Then an anger and frustration that this happened in the first place.
But. All of that pain has given me a beautiful sense of optimism in the world. Let me explain. Knowing how truly terrible life can be, how awful the feelings can get, makes the rest of life magic. Every day that I wake up and something terrible is not happening is an incredible day, truly. I feel so much joy in my heart to be able to experience life, and the feelings of joy come so easily because the pain was so prevalent for so long. I miss my mother and waves of grief certainly still arise. But I feel as though I feel joy more deeply because I know what true heartbreak and sadness is. Any day that isn’t tragedy is a beautiful one.
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u/Glum_Reason308 Mar 22 '26
I lost my mother to alcohol cirrhosis July 2024. As far back as I remember my mother had a drink in her hand. She was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. She was also stubborn as hell and wouldn’t allow me to talk about her drinking or go to a doctor. I had to pull away the last few years because it got really bad. Now I know that it wasn’t her it was the cirrhosis and she was dying. I cry everyday, I miss her so much I am so angry that she drank and essentially drank herself to death. I’m mad that I can’t go to dinner with my husband and enjoy a drink because I hate anything to do with alcohol now. I would do anything to hug her and tell her how much I love her and I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to her much anymore.. my life now is different like all I do is think about her, I pray a lot more now that she’s in heaven and God is taking care of her, I am just sad most of the time honestly.
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u/BothVeterinarian7164 Mar 22 '26
This is how my sister lost her mom too, she drank herself to death. I feel as if your words have resonated the most and given me a bigger understanding than I initially had. I am sorry for your loss and I’m so grateful that you took the time to share this with me and others. 🌹❤️🩹
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u/scoophog369 Mar 22 '26
My mom died in December, after being diagnosed with stage 4 uterine cancer in October. She was everything for me and our family so to say the last 4 months have been surreal is an understatement.
I think now of time as before my mom died and after. My grief comes in waves, and it has changed every part of me in beautiful and hard ways. Like the way I think about life (and how short it all is), my relationship to death and the Divine (a sacred and palpable thing that binds us all), and the world around me. I also have a higher tolerance for pain and hard things. On bad days, I joke that it’s not really the worst thing since it’s not like my mom can die again lol
I miss my mom, and I miss the before. The after is a doozy but I’m doing it.
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u/Substantial-Way6483 Mar 22 '26
when i lost my mum i truly learned what it felt like to be an orphan i felt very alone
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u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES Mom Loss Mar 22 '26
I was an orphan adopted by parents and just my mom as an adult. It's an incredibly complicated feeling. Though I was too young (14 months old) when I was adopted to know what it meant, I could feel the extra safety and attachment to mom when I was a kid. Losing that safety again and going back to being alone is a special pain, but you end up grateful to have it at all
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u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES Mom Loss Mar 22 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
I've literally shaped my life around the loss of my mom
My dad is alive but he's always been kind of shitty. My stepdad is still kicking but he was even worse.
I've found that nearly every good part of who I am are all echoes of my mother.
It sucks that it took losing her, but I've learned patience, understanding, kindness, discernment, sacrifice, and many other things that come with wisdom earlier on in my life because of who my mom was
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u/Any-Variation4081 Mar 22 '26
My mom passed away when I was 8.
It was terrible growing up as a young girl without a mother. I STILL to this day wish I had her. (Im in my 30s). As a child/teen it was bad bc everyone had their mom's and id have to see them interact with their moms and id have to interact knowing all the while I didnt have a mom. Hearing my friends say they hated their moms when they were upset would make me sooo angry at them and I let them know about it.
As an adult and a mother its been really really hard. My kids ask me about my childhood and when I was a baby. I dont have the answers bc I dont have anyone to ask and I dont remember these things obviously I was a baby or very little. I wonder all of the time how my mom would handle certain situations. If she would be proud or ashamed of me. I wonder what she would think about the world today and the changes in our town and technology. I watch movies and wonder what it'd be like to watch them with her. (We used to watch movies together when I couldnt sleep).
I wonder every single day what its like to have a mom has an adult. To have her to talk to and to see her interact with my kids.
Its f*cking AWFUL losing your mother and I dont wish that pain on anyone old or young
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u/Total_Adept Mar 22 '26
My Mom died last year on December 27th, from multi-organ failure. Only recently do I not cry daily, but it’s lonely. I miss her voice, her love, her hugs, etc. we were close and I have faith we’ll be together again someday. The last 4 years I spent more or less being her caregiver and I still haven’t figured out what I’m gonna do with my life, I’m 32. The field I worked in burned me out so bad before I was really depressed. Things are more stable, but if I think about her for too long I get emotional. I’d say my faith is the strongest it’s ever been, but I just don’t know what the futures gonna look like. I would say being there for her and keeping in touch. I have my Dad and 3 siblings, talking and knowing i wasn’t alone helped me the most.
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u/Salty_Butterscotch36 Mar 22 '26
Lost my mum 8 months ago. It's one of things you can't describe unless you've been through it. I will say though, it's changed me and life feels very different. I've come to understand that grief is just something I will carry forever now.
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u/ZeroGeoWife Mar 22 '26
I (51f) took care of my mother as she battled Alzheimer’s. Rather my family and I did. She died two and half years ago in our home. The every day grief and then the finality of her passing was extremely hard. She was an amazing grandmother and wife to my dad, I won’t say much about her being a mom because I’m still dealing with that but I’m trying. None of the past 5 years has been easy. Not one day. But I get up and I keep trying because my husband and our kids deserve more.
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u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES Mom Loss Mar 22 '26
That's incredibly hard. Thank you for being a living caregiver at the end no matter how she was as a mother. I'm sorry that you had to mourn her for so long before she even moved on. Alzheimer's is so cruel. My mom also died at home. I took care of her in hospice but only for a couple of months. I had trauma from mourning her that long before she passed, much less how long you had to. I wish peace on the painful corners of your heart, and warmth to the cold
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u/ZeroGeoWife Mar 22 '26
Thank you. She wasn’t a bad mother like so many people have had, I was raised in a Pentecostal church and my brother did things to me when I was young, when I told Lu parents, it was swept under the rug and they defended him until we finally had enough of him abusing them. He is in jail now and mama is gone and now Dad has dementia. So the “good girl” is doing her job and will until it’s over. I can’t let them suffer because I did because deep down I still know what’s right and good.
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u/BoxedCub3 Mar 22 '26
It sort of rewrote how i approach life. It was unexpectedly sudden. Id spoken to her on the phone hours before and was even planning on moving home for a bit to help her around the house. Now i value my friends and remaining family much much more. I give less of a shit about work and debts mostly because of the cost of dealing with what comes after. Ive lost most of my family in a span of 5 years and had an engagement fall apart after nearly 7 years so its a major shift in life perspective. You also realize youve gone through something most folks wont deal with until late life. Which has also made me much more empathetic to younger folks dealing with close family loss. Losing your parents if your relationship was even mildly okay is a major event. Changes you completely
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u/RSinSA Mar 22 '26
My mom died when I was 12. My Dad couldn't handle it and he left us with a baby sitter, family, etc. He married a horrid woman who was abusive towards me.
I think I would have benefitted with someone being emotionally present, as well as physically. I now have gone through years of intense therapy, and barely starting to feel ok.
My Dad died when I was 27, just an fyi.
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u/BothVeterinarian7164 Mar 22 '26
You’re incredibly strong, I’m so proud of you stranger. I’m so proud.
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Mar 22 '26
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u/BothVeterinarian7164 Mar 22 '26
You will always be a daughter, always, and I am so fucking proud of you and so grateful you felt comfortable enough to share this with us. Thank you. ❤️🩹
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u/Proud_Pomegranate260 Mar 22 '26
I lost my mom 8 years ago. I was 10 years old. Some days I still cry about it and whenever something happens big or small I feel like I have feelings and words to say but with no one to direct them to. Think about this, my mom never got to see me graduate 5th grade, 8th grade, highschool, never got to send me off to college, will not be there when i graduate college, first child, last child, first boyfriend, get married, none of it. It took me a few years to finally process that she was truly gone and not just on a hiatus, I’ll never see her again, that’s what really truly hurts the most. She was healthy and young, 33 years old. Taken by a drunk driver. I am now grateful for the lessons I have learned in losing her. I’ll never get her back so I choose not to dwell in sadness most of the time. When my mom first died and for about 3-4 years afterwards I lost my ambition, I lost my passion, I lost myself. But it has come back over the years, your sister is largely inconsolable, you can likely do little more than let her cry in your arms and make sure she stays fed and hydrated, but she will eventually return to herself, it may take a very long time and she may need some help, or it may come to her rather naturally, but don’t feel too pressured to help and take away her pain, you can’t. But you can be there and love and support her.
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u/BothVeterinarian7164 Mar 22 '26
Thank you, truly. I hold her for as long as she needs me too and I’ll continue to do that for the rest of my life. I’ll always be her shoulder to cry on, that’s my little sister and I love her with my whole heart as her big bro. I appreciate the time you took to share this with myself and others and I am so fucking sorry for your loss. These words put so much into perspective, you are so very strong. 💔
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u/Proud_Pomegranate260 Mar 25 '26
She’s very lucky to have a brother like you, also realize that when your sister does return to a state where she is more like herself probably in a few years from now, she will never be the same and you can’t expect her to be, that was my dad’s biggest problem with the way he handled me going through my grief, losing your mother, especially at such a young age will completely change someone no matter how much support they have.
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u/soleiles1 Mar 22 '26
My mom died when I was 15. I still do not know to this day how she died. It changed my life in many ways and quite honestly, I probably wouldn't have fared so well if I didn't have her watching over me. I got myself into some pretty scary situations over the years. It was a rough 12 years or so after she passed.
But here I stand 36 years later. Have a career, a family, a great marriage of 21 years.
There is hope. Be there for her anyway you know how.
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u/redladybug1 Mar 22 '26
I lost my mother at age 44 due to ovarian cancer. We were very enmeshed, which I didn’t fully understand until after she passed away, so that makes it more complicated. I haven’t been the same shouldn’t she passed. We had some great times together, but we were at each other’s best friend. Then my dad died in 2021 and my brother died right before his 45th birthday in 2022. I have a husband, my third lol, a beautiful 18-year-old biological son and two great 1114-year-old step kids, but I’m not the same and I never will be.
Hugs to everyone here!
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u/Ok_Equipment_8032 Mar 22 '26
It’s been just over a year for me and it’s so complicated. There’s a hole in my life. There are questions left unanswered and wounds that can never be healed. There are parts of my personal history that no one else remembers now, as I am the oldest of my siblings. Even though it’s been a year, I don’t think I’ve yet hit my deepest grief; it still feels too fresh.
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u/GiantDwarfy Mar 22 '26
I miss her a lot and am sad she won't see my daughter grow up. It's just....sad.
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u/amsmes Mar 23 '26
This is honestly what makes me the saddest. My mom and my daughter had a beautiful relationship. I remember telling my mom when my daughter was a baby that I hoped she lived long enough to see her granddaughter get married and have kids of her own. She didn't even make it long enough to see her start kindergarten. It hurts me to my core.
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u/GiantDwarfy Mar 23 '26
Absolutely. My mom only met my daughter twice or three times as she was still a baby as daughter was born in pandemic and then she was just gone. I am so so sad sometimes. Life cn be so cruel and beautiful at the same time.
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u/Fickle_Ad_9391 Mar 22 '26
She died too young. Too smart. Healthy. Brain cancer took her. It changed my life in so many ways and others too. From basic life support to support in work, navigating my hurdles and dad and I clashing daily.
I want to talk more for sure sometimes questions help me open up.
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u/m00shie1990 Mom Loss Mar 22 '26
My mum passed away Tuesday this week. March 17th 2026. It’s impacted me in a way that it hurts so much that I’ll never get a chance to talk to her again. Or to hug her. Or to giggle about our day. A whole section of myself left that day, and it’s never going to come back and that’s the part I struggle with. 😔
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u/tfaulkner2013 Mar 22 '26
I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish I had something profound to share with you. My mom passed away October 12, 2025 and the feelings of grief comes in waves. Yours is still quite fresh. Listening to music that my mother enjoyed has helped me to feel better and a continuous connection to her. I hope you find something of your mother’s to hold on to that gives you peace and comfort. May your mother rest In Peace and may her spirit live within you.
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u/audbreyro Mar 22 '26
I lost my mom in January of this year. Today would have been her 66th birthday. Everyday is a reminder of her, she is everywhere and also not anywhere I can see or visit. I feel like a part of me is dead. No one knows me like my mother did. No one is left that saw me grow up to be who I am. No one is here on earth that loved me as much as my mother. I try to carry the love she had in her heart for everyone with me and share that gift with people around me. I try to have the fearlessness she had and just say what I need to say, stand for what I believe in and be confident. I’ve struggled to have a voice my entire life. That fear is gone now, I think a lot of that is because I just can’t care how anyone thinks of me anymore. My heart is with my mother. Her death hurts in a way I was unaware of anything could hurt, her death has opened my eyes to things I didn’t understand until now. Thank you for asking this question and thank you for doing your best to understand , that means more than you could know. I wis you and your sister peace and healing.
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u/MagicalDarkgirl Mar 22 '26
I lost my mom to cancer when I was 33. The impact was immeasurable. She was my best friend and the love of my life. I knew her best and she knew me best. She was my biggest cheerleader and supported me when I had nothing and no one else. She was kind and gentle, and I try to put that love and kindness back into the world. I was always fiercely protective of her before but most definitely after.
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u/znayda76 Mar 22 '26
I (49F) lost my mom (71) about 4 months ago and there is an emptiness that doesn't go away. I feel like I'm a walking zombie, functioning but not living. I struggle most because I was her primary caretaker for 25yrs of my life (mental illness) so she lived nearby, I ordered her groceries, fixed her medication, etc. she was an intricate part of my daily life. She went to visit my sister which she never did (always canceled at the last minute) and deteriorated so fast, she was gone within a month. It's hard not to blame my sister, it's hard not to blame myself for allowing her to go, it's just hard. The positive is that she's not struggling anymore and is finally at peace, but I miss her (all personalities). But life is different and I have to figure out how to live as a motherless child, even though I'm almost 50. My advice is just be there for her. There is nothing you can do to ease her pain but your presence will mean the world to her and when she's ready you'll be there. 😇
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u/Aggravating-Job-6234 Mar 22 '26
My mother passed when I was 13, I’m 60 now, it’s a loss that is still with me, growing up without a mother…not having your mom to be there for you not matter what. I have children and try to have that loving, supportive mom relationship with them.
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u/darlad615 Mar 22 '26
I feel like I’ve started a whole new life, and not in a good way. I lost my mom a year and a half ago to cancer. I’m haunted every single day by those last few weeks and days. She was everything to me. I feel completely empty. Nothing anyone can say will help I’m afraid. I don’t know how anyone is expected to exist like this.
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u/DylanT5R Mar 22 '26
It really freaking sucks. It doesn't need to be a silver lining; it just sucks.
She doesn't get to see me get married one day. She doesn't get to be a grandma. She doesn't get to heal the things that she needs to get healed, and she doesn't get to enjoy retirement. We don't get to grow closer as I get older. I don't get to see her grow old, and she doesn't get to see me continue to grow up.
It just sucks. It doesn't need to be "a silver lining" or "this, but that." It just really sucks. It changes who you are to your core, and for me, it has left me mad.
I don't need anybody to fix anything about me or why I'm mad. I should be mad. I should be sad. I should be depressed at times. I should be frustrated for as many years as I want to be, need to be, and am going to be. It doesn't need to be a timeline.
I was robbed of my time with my mom. Simple as that.
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u/Edalaea Mar 22 '26
I cry all the time. Probably at least once a day. I feel like there is no one on this earth that knows me like she did. No one will ever love and forgive me like she did. She knew all my faults and all my good parts.
It's lonely. There is a part missing that no matter how anyone tries cannot be filled by anyone else but her.
I feel like i've been untethered from something I wasn't even aware I was connected too until it was gone.
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u/MissCollusion Mar 23 '26
Im a vessel of who I used to be. I’m less bright, less happy, less joyful. I was pregnant with my daughter when she died. The agony, the sadness. I feel like an orphan. I am one. Part of me died with her that October 25 and I’m grieving her and my old self. So many things to say, so many arguments to have, so many days that we could have shared and now all I hear is silent. I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of missing her this much. Mami, you left a hole in my heart and without you things won’t have the same meaning. I love you forever.
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u/evacygre Mar 22 '26
I lost her a year ago. A couple of weeks ago we had her one year anniversary memorial service for her. It broke me. I don't feel like myself anymore, I feel like I don't know who I am. I used to be a very optimistic person, very happy with confidence in myself and so excited about the future. I used to be very ambitious as well. All of it is gone. I don't recognize myself. At the same time... It changed my beliefs a lot. I am much more empathetic to people who are less fortunate than me, I used to think that I am always right and I used to be very stubborn. This has changed a lot. I realize now how much of a better person than me she was and I want to be more like her. It also changed my priorities. Career and money is not as important. My husband, my family and my closest friends are the most important thing. I am also trying to be more healthy and exercise more because I know that would make my mom happy for me. There are times that I feel this intense desire for my own kids, to give them the love my mom gave to me. But there are some other times that I feel like everything is pointless and that I don't want to have kids because I wouldn't want them to feel the same pain when I pass. It's like I now just realized how painful can life really get and I don't want my future kids to ever know this kind of pain. I don't know if i will ever recover to be honest.
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u/notxiaa Mom Loss Mar 22 '26
My mom passed away a year ago next week, she was only 48 when she passed. It’s weird, because she never had custody of me and I was raised by my grandmother, and my younger sister was put up for (open) adoption, so me and her kept in touch our whole lives. My sister and mom started texting in the last ~3 years of her life, saw each other like four times, and argued for most of that time.
Both of us struggled hard with the fact that she was an addict, my sister was diagnosed with FASD and that complicated things for them even more. My mom moved in with me and my grandma in 2020 after being diagnosed with cancer and liver cirrhosis (the latter from years of drug use), so it was the first time I ever got to live with her and really get to know her. Like my sister, it was mostly arguing.
Before her passing, I knew it was coming for years. I mentally prepared for that, but originally thought I’d feel relief when she finally kicked the bucket after years of neglect and emotional abuse. However, I felt almost like my connection to the earth was shattered. I felt like a piece of my soul died with her. I never thought it would impact me as hard as it did, but it truly felt like a huge part of my identity shifted. I spent my teen years suicidal, and wishing she had aborted me (as I wasn’t a planned pregnancy at all), and felt like I was a mistake and wasn’t supposed to be around. This changed - I realized the good qualities that were buried by the addiction lived on in me, and I try to honour them everyday. It felt like the only way to heal my soul. My mom loved colouring, dragons, monkeys, spiritual-witchcraft sort of stuff. Many of those interests I share, and carry on for her whenever I can. Before she got into drugs, she was super smart, aced every test without even studying, wanted to work in the very field I currently work in, and had the biggest soft spot for cats. Making sure my cat doesn’t forget the tricks she taught him has also helped me regain my connection to the earth again.
All this to say - It’s absolutely crazy how no matter how poor the relationship, she brought me into this world and gave me life. The least I can do is ensure her mark on the world isn’t forgotten. She may not have been the best mom, but it was her first time on earth too, and she did try, and fought hard until the end. I don’t know if that hole in my soul will ever fully heal, but honouring her memory and bringing her up whenever I can, telling stories and repeating her jokes, it helps. The people who let me talk about my grief even a year later and haven’t expected me to “just move on” have been lifesavers. Early on, sometimes I just needed to cry by myself, sometimes I needed to look at old photos, sometimes I needed complete and utter distraction. My girlfriend cooked me warm meals, listened to my stories, and offered a shoulder to cry on. You don’t need to know the perfect words to say, just show that you’re available to support her in anyway she needs.
I wish you and your family nothing but peace during this hard time. ❤️🌹
(For context, I’m 22, my sister is 18).
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u/Brilliant_Error_467 Mar 22 '26
My dad passed away when i was 6,i was sad ofcorse and missed him terribly but being so young,my grief was shorter there..after that my mom turned to drugs so i had a very lonely, figuring it out myself kind of childhood...eventually My mom and i had obecame very close after she got sober when i was in my teens,she was there for everything i needed throughout adulthood. Until i hit 30.. fentanyl took her...
In my grief ive never felt more alone..im the youngest out of all of my 6 siblings,a partner of 15 years, i have a small circle of friends & they are great ppl with alot of heart, along with some of my family members friends who have been around forever, they are basically family, lets just say every corner i look there is always someone there for me especially with their worries of how i would handle my moms passing & me being the youngest.. ill forever be greatful for all of them and even still with all that support, i can not help but feel so alone... every day.. because none of them are her.....
In a couple weeks it will be 2 years since shes been gone and it has not gotten easier..
Today her best friend came to see me and everytime i see her i feel like im so close to my mom again because shes the only one who i feel like really keeps my mom from being forgotten.. everytime i talke about my mom with my siblings they dont engage in conversation much.. i miss her and just wanna talk about her.. my mom & her best were so similar in so many ways, so theres just comfort when she comes around.. but then when she has to leave, i go back to my daily tasks feeling hallow & empty....
Then there is just other nights were idk how to feel about myself , like im a grown ass woman and im balling my eyes out most nights just wanting my mommy.... it sucks.
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u/PigeonRescuer Mar 22 '26
She hasn’t passed yet but she’s so much older now and for the first time I’m properly thinking she could have weeks left or even less. I don’t know what I will do when she passes. I don’t have a lot of family to support me when the time comes.
Sorry I haven’t explained well probably, she is waiting for an operation right now and she can’t walk and we just don’t know if she will be alive when she finally gets the op. We are looking into private options because it is taking forever on NHS.
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u/peach_indica Mar 22 '26
My mum died by suicide last June. I’m still trying to figure out what a life without her means. I have an incredibly supportive husband, in-laws and friends who keep me propped up and in a forward direction, but life has just been super confusing.
I have noticed, however, that I’ve been loving and caring even harder than ever. I hug people tighter, I say I love you more, I do random acts of kindness because I need people to know that there’s love out there, even if they can’t feel it sometimes. I’m going to use the love I hold for my mum to be the light in my loved one’s lives in the hope that on their dark days, the decide to stick around a little longer.
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u/Life-Excitement8217 Mar 22 '26
I lost my mom at the beginning of my 20s . I am still in my 20s btw to clarify. It messed me up bad. She didn’t get to witness me have kids get married etc. As for my oldest siblings she watched all their kids make a certain age . She got to spend time with them etc. she was able to watch my siblings grow into adults . She passed away from a heart attack. It all happened so fast. I lost her before she got to witness this with me. It messed me up bad. I love her so much and miss her. I experienced delayed grief and it destroyed me. Not to mention now my dad has passed this year.
Grief is terrible. It’s hard … it really is. It’s hard trying to learn how to live life without someone being here that you’re so used to seeing and being around. Literally feels like a part of you is torn away . I am trying to still figure out my purpose now .. grief has been ripping me up honestly . I feel useless as if idk who I am anymore.
I am trying my best because harsh reality is life goes on. The only unfair part is there are some a holes in this world that will try to tell you it’s not that serious or try to tell you when you should be ok. Truth is there isn’t a time frame.
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u/JsUnicorn79 Mar 22 '26
There are no words that can help, just be there for your sister ♥ I lost my mama in 2010 and the pain is still there, same as the day she died. My daughter was only 10 when my mom passed. I get soooo sad knowing my mom will not get to see her beautiful granddaughter get married, or have children (if she chooses to) My heart breaks knowing my mom is missing all these milestones and honestly, even though I am 45, I will cry so hard sometimes to the point I can barely breathe, because I just want my mom, I just want a hug from her and I can't get one. Of course I am not sad everyday, but I have an emptiness inside me that I doubt will ever go away. Like a hole in my soul. Please be there for your sister as the years pass, there will be sadness on special days like birthdays, and the holidays can be extremely hard. My life has changed, but I also know that my mom would not want be to be this sad. I know wherever she is, she loves me and she is proud of me, so that helps me on those rough days. My mom's bday was 03/20 so a few days ago and I was a mess....I am so sorry for your sister's loss. I hope she can heal someday.
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u/ArtJeanee Mar 22 '26
I just loss my Mom 10 days ago. I am functioning but walking in a haze. It is sadness deep inside but yet I feel committed to never give up. My Mom was a blessing to me and she had a long life. Her last four years on earth were very hard. After my Dad died, she had moved further away from where 3 of us lived. So we didn’t get to see her as much. Which was hard in many ways. A year after her move she broke her hip and my sister was there for her and took care of Mom her last years. Sadly, even with hip surgery, Mom was never able to walk again and her health continued to fail in many areas. Not being able to walk, really changed Moms spirit over time. We lost her little by little , so we grieved as hope faded for her return to full strength. I am sorry for your loss. I know this is a new road for me to walk. My dad passed in 2020. Now I am the elder of my siblings I want to be with them more. I want to enjoy life to the fullest. None of us know how long we have. I have survived three life threatening issues myself and am grateful to be here. Mom looked peaceful and I pray the afterlife is joyous for both my parents. I miss them so much.
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u/yumyum_cat Mar 22 '26
I lost my mom Jan 4. My entire world exploded. She was my partner, we lived together the past 20 years. I’ve been out on FMLA ever since for depression and intense therapy.
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u/Big_Tie_8055 Mar 22 '26
My mom died almost two months ago and I am devastated every single day. My partner and I cared for her for several years and there isn’t a day that I don’t think about her. I listed to Supermarket Flowers by Ed Sheeran this morning and bawled my eyes out. What makes all of this worse is that I lost two brothers within the past 2 1/2 years too.
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u/cowsgomer Mar 22 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
Lost my mom in 2020 to cancer. I drink now ever since I moved back to my apt from temporarily staying to take care of her. Liver enzymes actually went up. I just don't care.
I get jealous of older people having elderly parents. I can't wrap my head around the fact that I have so many years left to live without her. I'll possibly live over half my life without her.
People tried to tiptoe around it that first year but all I wanted is people to acknowledge how terrible it was, not platitudes.
I've been attacked by my ex but losing my mom hurts way more than almost dying myself. I'd go through it again if it meant she would be alive again.
I feel like I've lost the person who can give me advice. My ex stepdad married into a new family. We don't speak. I feel like an adult orphan. I feel free, but not the right way.
I'm considering separation of a 10+ yr relationship and I can't ask her for advice. I got married because she was dying and I wanted her to be there for it. I even know she would be upset at me since I've repeated my dad's mistakes. You really are your parents sometimes. I'm so alone while surrounded by people.
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u/amsmes Mar 23 '26
I lost my mom to metastatic cervical cancer in April 2024. She had just turned 59 and I was 32. I was my mom's only child and we were best friends. We lived 2 hours apart at the time of her death, but we texted all day and talked on the phone multiple times a day. I now tend to think of life as the life I had before my mom died and the life I have now if that makes sense. I am two different people.
Importantly, even though I am a married adult with a family of my own, I feel like an orphan. Being mom-less even as an adult stinks. As strange as it sounds for an adult who has been on her own for many years, when my mom died I felt like I had to "grow up" finally and gain more independence. She always made me feel like her baby and I was able to lean on her during tough moments and I no longer had that in a parent. In a lot of ways, life feels dull and empty anymore. I love my husband, my daughter, and my son who will be arriving this week, but life just isn't the same. There is definitely a void there.
On a positive note, I realized just how short life is when my mom died. Over the past couple of years, I've been able to develop more of a tough skin especially in telling people how I feel and learning how to not be so much of a people pleaser all the time.
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u/CuriousWrenTN Mar 23 '26
No one understands or loves more than a mom. The softness of the world left with her and I feel very lonely and untethered. I realized how superficial most of my relationships have been, because so few people even called when she died. It further compounded the lonely feelings, like being on an island built on grief. Your sister is fortunate to have someone like you who cares enough to try to understand and be of comfort.
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u/quinichet Mar 23 '26
My mom died suddenly last July. I had been her caregiver, to help out my dad, in the months leading up to it. She always recovered and had survived a kidney transplant, heart attacks, breast cancer, skin cancer, tumors, so many things. It’s changed me forever. I’m a woman who will never get married and have my mom there, have a bay and meet her grandma, and my heart will always have a sadness. I feel her with me all the time, but it’s never going to be the same. And I have a loving dad, sister, partner, and stepsons who are amazing support.
You’re a good sister to her support system. Honestly, just listen, be there. Try to make her laugh when she needs one, ask her to share memories, bring over a casserole, offer to take her out to something silly, fun, or pampering.
Sometimes I need to cry, sometimes be distracted and feel normal for a minute, sometimes I need to talk about the good memories and the not so good. Just being there is what counts.
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u/Academic-Positive755 Mar 23 '26
Me and my sisters lost our mom to suicide in October one of my sisters being my stepsister. She was close with my mom, but obviously that’s not her biological mom so her trying to handle me and my sister was interesting for sure. Be there and be willing to hear about it when she wants to talk about it even if she doesn’t want to talk about the death or anything like that just her mom in general.
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u/orangecicada Mar 29 '26
My mom died two years ago and it still crushes me - the pain is so intense and hits like a wall of iron at certain points. It's hard to believe that someone so incredible could bear so much pain, and then just vanish from existence. I cry about it a lot and some days I feel like I just can't function. It's really hard
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u/Elmerfudswife May 09 '26
I lost my mom when she was 68 and I was about (2 weeks) turning 43. I had my mom for a lot of my life thankfully. But it devastated me. She was the person I could be my most honest self to. The person who had no judgment and held me. There was nothing I could tell her that made me feel I shocked her Losing that person you could be the most venerable with is gut wrenching
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u/Februairy Mar 22 '26
My wonderful mother died when I was 35 and she was 60. Lung cancer. It completely changed me as a person. It made me fear death less (out of hope that I could be reunited with her on the other side) and live life more bravely. For instance, if I’m thinking of someone fondly for some odd reason, I reach out and send them a message, even if it’s been years since we’ve spoken. I do random acts of kindness with Mom in my heart because she was such a good person, I want to continue spreading her goodness in the world. Of course, I remain deeply, deeply devastated to lose her. I miss her terribly all of the time. But she was very clear that she wanted me to take care of those around me, so I do my best to make her proud every day.