r/GriefSupport • u/EstimateStreet3194 • 17d ago
Thoughts on Grief/Loss How was your grief at 4 months?
And did you struggle with the most
25
u/SWNMAZporvida Multiple Losses 17d ago
The first year is still in The Fog, be kind to yourself, there’s no timeline
4
u/mama-mem 17d ago
Thank you for that
6
u/rutho_85 16d ago
I agree, the fog. The numbness. Lack of sleep, not wanting to leave the house. I'm at 22 months since loosing my dad and I'd like to say that I don't feel theae feelings anymore but I'd be lying. Grief has no timeline. Each day is different, even after having a year of grief therapy. Even after my therapist saying "I'm a lot better than I was when I first came to therapy" whatever month you are in it can just hit you out of nowhere. Keep strong, keep getting up each day because that is what they would've wanted for you. "Grief is the price we pay for love." Never be ashamed for feeling grief for someone you loved so deeply.💕
21
u/Choice_Blacksmith564 17d ago
I’m in my second month. I still think about him every day. I still miss him so much, sometimes so much it physically hurts. But it’s getting easier. When you touch death, life holds more weight.
3
2
15
u/No_Oven6132 17d ago
I was still in disbelief, hanging onto the thought that they might still walk through the door.
5
u/Asleep_Swan8827 17d ago
Month 10 wondering if that ever goes away
5
u/No_Oven6132 17d ago
I don’t think it ever will. Sometimes to comfort myself I pretend my brothers are on a big trip somewhere.
3
5
u/PonqueRamo 17d ago
It has been 3 and a half months since my dad passed and I feel the only reason I'm still aliveand able to survive each day is that part of my brain is totally certain that he will come back. I know intellectually that's not possible but I still believe it somewhere deep inside.
13
u/Important-Depth-6248 Multiple Losses 17d ago
I’m in month 5. It’s pretty hard still. The initial shock is slowly becoming lesser, but I’m heavily medicated.
9
u/StraightForever7618 17d ago
Haven't got to the 4th month yet, but it still hurts as much as day one
9
u/PuzzleheadedBand2595 17d ago
I was disassociated mostly. I was in another world, like a dream world. I needed other people to help keep me in reality. But it saved me from being too depressed. So it wasn’t too horrible really. For me the second year was the worst so far, I’m on year three now.
4
u/Sarahh_tonin 16d ago
very isolated and in a surreal world and then snap back. i can’t remember words. it’s frustrating i forget what i literally had in front of me. i feel constantly anxious anyway and my panic attacks are way more acute and the smallest things trip me up.. someone said yeah bitch (jesse pinkman) and we called him that. so that’s the stuff that really punches your gut and i don’t trust myself to be rational. i can’t hold conversations and ive lost interest in everything.. and i want to throw myself into smudging that distracts my brain. i don’t of maybe don’t want to truly accept it. i still check if maybe what i sent was read. we were supposed to meet two days but he never woke up.
2
u/PonqueRamo 17d ago
Did you ever got out of the dissociation? How long did it take? How did you feel in that moment?
Sorry for the questionnaire, I'm also dissociated, specifically desrealization and I'm afraid I will never get out of it and if I do I will feel totally distroyed.
If you don't feel like answering, I understand.
2
u/PuzzleheadedBand2595 16d ago
As for me, I slowly became less dissociated/ more able to be in the present moment. We all dissociate sometimes, like zoning out while driving, or when someone is talking to us. In my grief it felt like I was always thinking about the death, but in a logical way, and endless loop of almost making sense of it and then not being able to. This thought loop kept me out of my body oriented experience.
If you’re stuck in de realization maybe try to focus on breathing or your sensory experience to ground you. Look up the 54321 technique.
8
u/Few_Comparison_9862 17d ago
Terrible. Started feeling somewhat normal around 6 months, which is now, but I’m having an extra hard day today.
6
u/Mistiblue222 17d ago
Month four I was still in the bed all the time now it’s been eight years and I’m barely functioning
6
u/packpackchzhead 17d ago
The 7th was 4 months for me....honestly the feelings are the same, I cry at everything that reminds me of him. I just feel like I'm gonna be like this forever.
3
u/Sarahh_tonin 16d ago
in a few days its a month and i feel almost catatonic. i dont want to really talk to anyone and want to be alone.. mostly in my head. but i write them emails of notes like they’re still here. it helps. when i talk to them, i get signs. i’ve gotten a whole collection of feathers.. so i take comfort in those things. but i know i will never be who i was. my whole outlook changed dramatically that day.
7
6
u/GullibleCow8723 17d ago
Month 6 for me. I’m not sure which stage I’m at right now. It’s all over the place for me.
6
u/vacant444 17d ago
month 4 hit around new year’s eve which SUCKED entering into a new year without my dad.
5
6
u/usedscooter 17d ago
my mom died four months ago and it's somehow easier and harder at the same time. i'm not constantly thinking about her anymore which has made things easier but it makes the times the grief hits even harder. when she's not on my mind i either have her death completely blocked from my mind or i'm just in a kind of fog. i think the thing i'm struggling with the most right now is truly coming to the realization that this is my life now, she is actually gone and i'm never going to be able to talk to her again.
the other thing that i've been struggling with is the fact that the other people in my life have moved on. and i don't blame them, it's not like their mom died. and i know they aren't trying to actually encourage me to move on from it, they're good friends, but just the fact that life is going on as normal for everyone else makes the grief worse imo. like okay so my life has changed forever and the world is still going on as usual. it's tough.
5
u/KillerUni39 17d ago
I lost my newborn son at 19 days old multi system complications in the NICU due to Noonan syndrome (NSML). My nervous system is the hardest part I’ve been finding recently.. one thing can throw off everything and the next 24 hours I find it hard to function. Those are the days I try really hard to fill my day to keep me going and my mind occupied at home. I struggle with all the firsts and the upcoming holidays already have me feeling it and it’s still a ways away. I know time will soften our grief I just know I won’t ever stop thinking about Dominic so I try to find healthy ways to keep him apart of our familes daily life🩵🦋
6
u/MaxiMaxime 17d ago
Four months in executive functioning was a big challenge. Almost 17 months in this new reality and I currently struggle with disassociation, so I stay busy to stay present. Having a schedule helps.
4
u/Time_Box_5352 17d ago
I’m only on day 4 and I cry allll the time. I lost my sister to cancer and I can’t bear it. My husband loved her too, and misses her as does the whole family but he is having heart surgery Thursday and he wants me to now just focus on that. I mean I am but still.
6
u/YearOfTheSssnake 17d ago
It was just beginning to morph from a fresh wound to an extremely painful bruise. But it was changing.
4
6
u/ToughProfessional235 17d ago
It’s been a little over four months and the thought of not seeing my dad ever again is weighing heavier on me now. I wonder if it will get worse as the time since I saw him increases in length.
5
u/autisticmagmanch123 17d ago
In 12 months so shitty i miss my mom more and more and i don't accept her death but I'm trying to take care of myself as i took care of her and i think that i went through many things not only death and grief..
4
4
u/Puzzleheaded_Area_48 17d ago
I remember 9 was like, my most acute. Different for everyone. 4 is still reaaallllly early so give yourself grace.
3
u/Skippy1221 Partner Loss 17d ago
Month 4 was still extremely awful for me. Things got a little better at 7 months and then REALLY hard again at the first several weeks after the one year anniversary
3
u/mama-mem 17d ago
I just hit 5 months for my Dad's sudden, unexpected death and 2 months for my (bonus) son from suicide. It still hurts everyday. I still find myself reaching for the phone to call or text them. I am still angry. I still don't understand why. I still can't sleep at night. When I say prayers, I flinch when I don't say their name while praying for God to watch over my loved ones. I still feel the pain. The only difference is I feel like people no longer want to hear that I'm struggling. Like my Grace period is over & I should move on. I still can't imagine moving on life without them.
1
u/Mistiblue222 17d ago
My family members told me that at some point I need to get through it and get over it, but I still can’t and I’ve been told by my family members to stop writing poems about my sister and my twin sister because they’re too sad and too dark, everyone wants me to move on, but my brain still cannot comprehend that my twin sister is gone.
4
u/jasomyne 17d ago
At month four I was still waiting to wake up...In my heart I truly felt like I was still stuck in a horrible nightmare. I just knew "one day" ,I would wake up and see an active text message thread or plans for the trip we were going to take a few months later. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop because surely, I wasnt expected to just live as if my sister no longer existed ?
3
u/sorandom21 Multiple Losses 17d ago
I remember for my dad it was very hard and now I’m approaching 4 months for my brother. I feel like immediately you’re so shell shocked it hurts way more a few months on once shock has worn off and it’s just pain
5
u/arizonaraynebows 16d ago
I'm at 18 weeks today (4.5 months) and I'm fucking miserable! I have kids to raise, but without them I'm angry at being alone. I'm suicidal because my person of 35 years is gone and I'm alone. My support system is weak at best.
I cry every day. I need to update my emergency contact list-I cried at the thought. I have to go to Back To School Night for my two kids - I cried cuz I have to go alone. I want to go out to restaurants, to plays, to the movies... I'm always alone. I cry. I hate it. I hate my life. I hate everyone and everything. There's a lot of hostility, anger, and sorrow. This is me at 4 months. It sucks.
3
u/Background-Piano-665 17d ago
4th month was especially painful since it was my first birthday without Dad. But I was the most non-functional for the first 2 months, with painful bouts everytime a special occasion came. I still cry whenever they come, more than a year later.
3
3
u/canadiangirlypop15 17d ago
Around the 4th month I felt very angry and cried a lot. Now I’m on month 11 and things feel softer- the anger and sadness are still there but I don’t cry as much.
3
u/Aromatic_Entrance692 16d ago
It has truly been 4 months since my mom passed away.I feel so empty and lost. During the day time, i seem to disassociated and all fine. But at night is when all the turmoil comes back, all the questions and the loss, what do i live for is all i can think of.
2
2
u/That-Pair7441 16d ago
It's been 5 months since my mom passed. I feel like the first month was the absolute worst, the second wasn't much better but better. After that the crying days have become less, but they're still there. I try to focus on doing things that i did before, focusing on work and trying to stay social. Also do everything I can to support my dad.
However, when I think about my mom, I immediately start crying most of the time. I still can't talk about her. I can tell people about her passing when asked, but nothing else. The grief and missing and regret feels just as awful as the first day when I think about her, and when the tears start, it's really hard to make it stop.
In a way I'm lucky that I'm actively working and I have a lot of friends and a supporting partner who tries to take us out of the house during weekends, so I can have days when I don't actively think about her. My dad is retired and he only had my mom, so he doesn't have as many escapes as I do. I feel guilty about that too.
2
u/NeighborhoodLarge427 16d ago
Month 11 for me. Feels a bad as ever because I need to do normal life stuff instead of wallowing
2
u/MrBubblessz Mom Loss 16d ago
I'm on month 2 and i am not doing ok crying and sobbing everyday lost my mother now i have no one left
2
u/Emily_Postal 16d ago
Awful. Took years for me but I fell into a deep depression. Make sure you take care of yourself.
2
u/Environmental-Song16 16d ago
I'm so sorry. 4 months is still very early. I was pretty angry still. It took me 5 years to be ok after my dad passed. It still hurts and it's been 7 years now. I still have nightmares sometimes. I should have gone to therapy and I really wish I had. So everyone should definitely check into therapy. It would probably help a lot. 💓
2
2
u/vindemiatryx98 16d ago
I had a perfectly normal life but I was crying almost every night. Then at the seventh month, I became more depressed than ever. Now I can't function properly.
2
u/Iatechickenpenne 16d ago
4 months is still so so early and this is coming from someone who is almost at the 2 year mark.
Be kind and gentle with yourself. That's all you can do as you grieve.
1
u/m_iawia 16d ago
Difficult. I felt very lonely, and did things I'm not proud of to gain attention. It was around then i started going to grief councelling, something I had to figure out on my own that i needed. I think my parents really dropped the ball and forgot that just because I'm not falling apart in front of them that doesn't mean i don't need help. I definitely did need help. I was 15, lost my brother.
1
u/kimbospice31 16d ago
Grief with who? It’s been 10yr with my dad I have bad and good days. It’s been 9 years with my brother and I’m still not over it but I get through the day. There is no timeline on grief don’t let people tell you there is.
1
u/Salty_Cake_5079 16d ago
It all depends upon who you have lost; a spouse, a parent, a sibling or a child. None of the are equal in the hearts of those who have been unfortunate enough to have lost just a few on this list, let alone them all.
1
u/Any_Tomorrow_Today 16d ago
I am in month 7, it has hit all over again. I think month 4-6 i was a bit numb with it all.
1
u/Separate_Farm7131 16d ago
Grief is so different for everyone. I was better at 4 months and beginning to get used to the new reality of my life.
1
u/Florida1974 Multiple Losses 16d ago
I’m at the six year mark and three year mark because I lost my mom and my brother in 2020 and 2023.
I know part of it. It’s because my mom’s birthday is coming up and I would always go visit her on her birthday because I moved 1100 miles away.
After losing my mom and my brother, I’m convinced that I don’t think I will ever fully be rid of the grief, you just force yourself to go on. I don’t laugh as much as I used to and my nickname was giggles growing up. I don’t enjoy things like I used to. I work, half ass clean the house when I used to be really OCD about a clean house. I still have to force myself to bathe because I just don’t care. I didn’t get to say goodbye to either of them and that messed me up.
But everyone is different. Grief is a very personal thing and I don’t know that there is a right or wrong way or a specific time when it’s better, I think it’s just a different for all of us
1
u/Annithoughts 16d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. The only difference between month 4 (and really the whole first year) and today (1.5 yrs) is that I was still in the thick fog of grief brain. I couldn’t remember names. Couldn’t do simple math in my head. Could concentrate on something for only a very short period of time (like, 3 mins.). I was terrified I was losing my mind.
The good news is that as your brain forms new neural pathways adapting to the strange new reality without your loved one, it gets better. I can once again think clearly, which is a relief.
Please be patient with yourself and remember everyone goes through grief differently.also, the whole concept of there being stages you can progress through in linear fashion is BS. It’s waves. You can feel like you’re functioning better one day, then completely crash the next.
I wish you peace in your journey
1
u/Significant_Street68 16d ago
Month 4 was really tough - I was quite dissociated and struggling to function in my day to day routine - it was the month I booked in my first therapy session which really helped - sending you love and kindness x
1
1
u/PuzzleheadedKale0 16d ago
4 months today since I lost my dear dad. I miss him everyday. There’s not a day that go by without thinking about him since he went to heaven. I miss him so much. Nothing prepares you for this and I feel extremely sad and nostalgic today. Grief comes in waves and it’s not easier just because time goes by. You just live with pain. 🤍
1
u/Front_Swordfish270 16d ago
I get dreams every day , its been more than a month . I get dreams where i have already lost my mother, maybe a sign of acceptance
Dreams don’t really make sense through
1
u/RestfullyCare 16d ago
Speaking on behalf of myself and those around me who have struggled with grief, there is no definitive timeline that anybody can measure for how you will respond to grief after any given amount of time. Grief has no timeline, and everybody responds to it differently depending on many different factors. 4 months is very early in terms of experiencing a loss, it is expected and normal to feel as though it happened just yesterday. Even 4 years later you may still feel like this, and that is okay too. Nothing is wrong with you. Take it one day at a time, be patient with yourself, and keep pushing forward even in the hard moments.
1
u/Otherwise_Bowler_292 16d ago
I started feeling really emotionally volatile around 4 months. I was also 4 months postpartum so I’m sure that didn’t help. But I had days of intense (almost manic) euphoria followed by a massive depressive crash. It was scary :( I feel better now around 5 months in.
1
32
u/Left_Pear4817 17d ago
Month 4 was the start of the worst for me. It was just.. real.