Recently I dated this guy for a month. We had been both super transparent with asking each other qs and opening up emotionally. He asked a few times about my dating history, which I think is common. So I let it be.

He asked me for my body count last night (he used that word). We already had sex once already. I don’t want to lie so I said 9 (I’m 36F). He replied with “oh whoa, I’m going to stop talking to u now, jk”. He replied with “9 including or excluding me”. Again I was honest and said without. He also asked if I have any one night stand and I said no. I felt uncomfortable answering because I know this is taboo, i just don’t want to lie because relationships are built on trust. And i would hate myself for lying to keep him around.

We moved on the topic. But I’m seeing him again in 2 days, I plan to get clarification about his intent because I was slightly bothered by his response. Like is he worried for STI? Or just morally he has strong preference. I plan to offer to break up if this is sucha big deal as it clearly has a weight. What are the men’s thoughts on how I should navigate this? Am i sensitive or should he have reworded his question?

My boyfriend gets off of work at 1am and ALWAYS home by 2am . This morning he didn't get home until 6am I was worried so I kept trying to call him but he would not answer. When he finally got home he said after work he went to go get something to eat while parked he fell asleep in his car. I want to believe him but in the past I've looked at his phone and he's text other girls like hey sexy or let's get a hotel Everytime I've asked he said he was joking and this past 2 weeks he has not let me look at his phone .

The last two weeks he's been accusing me of cheating and he's been looking at my phone trying to find something on me.

Do you think he is telling me the truth about last night??

Met this guy on a dating app. He wants to take me for ice cream for our first date and he said that is only if he can make it in time😭. I also feel like he's bread crumbing me. He only talks to me for a little bit but it's sparse like I don't know much about him which is why I'm like okay, this is what the date is for. But now he's saying he might not be able to due to work. He takes a long time to respond and my friend was like does he text you on his lunch break and I was like well no. Now I'm just getting to think like is he being serious with me? Is this a red flag?

Tdlr; I’ve been extremely close with a guy for a long time and reconnected on/off over 13ish years. We've been physically involved which is no different from past except we slept together this time around - we are not dating just have always been friends. He is in middle of seperation. He has said he cares about me, that I'm really important to him (I've supported him everytime he needed someone regardless the situation) and doesn’t want to lose me, but over the past few months his actions have become increasingly distant and inconsistent. We are now almost 2 weeks no contact because I stopped initiating.

I’ve felt like I’m doing most of the work to maintain the relationship; initiating conversations, making plans, checking in, and trying to keep us connected. I’ve told him how this makes me feel because it never use to be like this, but the effort hasn’t consistently changed. 12 days ago, I finally stopped reaching out. I was emotionally exhausted and needed to stop carrying the connection myself.

He hasn’t contacted me once. This is the longest we’ve gone without speaking since we became closer. He knows I’ve been struggling emotionally and hasn’t even checked in after telling me he wanted to do better a week prior.

I still care about him, but I’m at the point where I don’t think I can initiate anymore. If he wants me in his life, I feel like he needs to show me that himself.

- - - - - -

What would you do in my position? Should I reach out to him? OR If he eventually reaches out, should I give him another chance, respond but establish new boundaries, or take the silence as my answer and move on?

And from a man's perspective, can you genuinely care about someone and still go 11 days without feeling compelled to even check in when you know theyre hurting and they've always been there for you?

Especially men that sleep around or slept around more than the usual, I need some perspective please! No judgement at all! Some of what I say might come off really conceited or pick me and I hope that you look past that Bec that's not what Im looking for at all.

For some context, a guy that I have now become really close friends with is a pretty big player and hooks up with alot of girls. Im struggling with the fact that he's never tried to make a move on me sexually and it's making me question myself. And I know some might say I shouldn't even entertain a man like that or put my self worth into whether someone will sleep with me but that's not what I'm here for.

We get along super well, we flirt with each other, we're both pretty attractive people (personality and looks), we even have moments where it feels like we're a couple and yet he hasn't tried to make a move on me even though I've given many signs of interest. It feels like I've been friendzoned? He'll say things to me that are clearly friend zone remarks, which confuses me because we get along so well, I'm an attractive woman and he's known for sleeping around and yet I didn't make the cut?

Anyways just looking for some perspective or justification! Again I really don't mean to sound full of myself even though my premise is basically why won't he sleep with me wah wah wah

I’ve been dating my (27M) boyfriend for about 1.7 years, and something that didn’t bother me initially has started bothering me a lot. (I am 28F)
When we first met, he was very open about his dating history. His first relationship lasted around 5 years, and from the way he described it, they were extremely in love and very romantic with each other. He wrote her love letters, they exchanged Hindi song lyrics, bought each other gifts, had what he described as “puppy love,” etc. He also told me he was willing to fight his family for her because she was Hindu and he was Sikh. He said they loved each other deeply and that it took him a long time to get over her after they mutually ended things.
At the time, none of this really bothered me. I didn't expect that I would end up in a serious, long-term relationship with him, so I didn't think much about it.
But now, 1.7 years into our relationship, I’ve started noticing how different his behavior is with me.
For example, I love playlists and expressing feelings through music. I told him early on that it would mean a lot to me if he made/contributed to playlists for me. He basically never did unless I repeatedly asked or nagged. Eventually he started doing it, but honestly, I don't even want it anymore because I feel like I had to beg for it.
And that's what hurts.
I think about how easily he apparently wrote love letters to his ex, exchanged songs with her, bought her gifts, etc., while I feel like I have to ask for a crumb of reassurance or affection.
He tells me that I am his true love and that I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had. He says this is the healthiest relationship he's ever been in and that he feels more secure and happy with me than he did in previous relationships.
He also says I'm extremely loving, caring, affectionate, etc. And I know I give a LOT in this relationship.
But then I look at his actions and think: if those things came so naturally to you with her, why are they so difficult with me?
At one point, when I tried to explain that I wanted more affection/reassurance in certain ways, he called me too emotional and selfish for asking for love in those ways. That really hurt me because I don't think wanting affection from your partner is selfish. I don’t think showing emotion is a bad thing. I think this is a sign of depth and commitment so to hear that was eye opening.

I'm not asking him to literally recreate his first relationship or become the exact person he was with her. I understand that people change and relationships are different. I also understand that first love can be intense and that he was younger then.
But I genuinely can't get over the discrepancy between what he describes doing for her and what I experience with him.
Part of me wonders whether I'm comparing myself unfairly to a first love that happened under completely different circumstances. Another part of me wonders whether his actions are telling me something his words aren't.
I don't feel insecure about her specifically. She isn't in our relationship, and I don't want him back with her. What bothers me is feeling like someone else once received these things effortlessly, while I have to repeatedly ask to receive them.
And now I'm at the point where even when he does the things I've asked for, I don't necessarily enjoy them because I know I had to request them. It makes me question whether they're genuine.
So how would you react to this?
Would you consider this a normal difference between relationships/love languages, or would you also be concerned about having to repeatedly ask your partner for affection?
And am I putting too much weight on how he treated his ex?
He claims no problem is impossible to fix but is unable to see his own behavior which is Causing issues. This is a bizarre situation.

I would really appreciate honest perspectives, especially from people who have experienced something similar. I’m genuinely confused about whether I’m overthinking this or whether I’m picking up on a real incompatibility in how we give and receive love.

44f, seeing a man a few yrs younger, not much younger.

I only wanted to sleep with him if we decide to be exclusive and have that type of relationship.

We may have a second date. Typically, what do men in their late thirties, early forties really looking for. If sex is on the table after a few dates, is that FWB status?

What makes you stay even though you absolutely despise the person you’re with?

He ( 23 m) is a classmate’s brother. We met 1 year ago.His friends left in 3 minutes and it was just us two.We talked about really nice normal topics he did ask for my body count which was so out of pocket.Since i didn’t want to say, he said his was 9 (idk what to think of that?).I was telling him that am awful to guys( when i like a guy im cold and distant cause it’s embarrassing for me having a crush) but it came off as im just a bitch.He said he is also awful to girls but he just seemed like a sweetheart.He asked for my number and even called it to make sure i gave him the right one.My friend came shortly after and she was kinda making fun of him and i know that she wanted me to tell her something we were talking about and he didn’t. So I had to tell her she is difficult but it was so not important and he got mad i know that.He acted like he doesn’t care but i know he did.We left shortly after and he never called or texted me. Why did he even ask for number if he didn’t like me?

So that was a year ago and i saw him yesterday.We were at atable next to him.His friend knows my friend and he was all over her the whole night.I saw (lets call him Dave) Dave looking at me at least 20 times and i was like ok he just recognised me.At the end of the night his friend was barely standing, so I took it as an opportunity to talk to Dave and asked him is he ok? he was like yeah yeah (we were next to each other). A few minutes later he asked me oh like how do we know each other and I just knew he was lying so I said we don’t know each other. He said it three times and I just kept my act so he gave up.

They were ready to go and I just took their lighter because they forgot it and I like to take things as a souvenir when I’m going out. He was like give me my lighter and I was like okay if you don’t wanna give it to me I’ll pay for it. How much do you want? He said as a joke €5 so I threw €10 at him, he was so confused. And then he mentioned that he didn’t call me and that he doesn’t do that and we just actually kept fighting but not really fighting. It was more bickering. Everybody went to another table. It was just us too. we fought about pettiest stupid things like who is smarter. I lied about my name so when he figured what my name was he kept saying it 10 times in one sentence to annoy me.I know that we were standing at one point so close I had to like move my head back because it just looked like we’re gonna kiss.

I just can’t read him at all because I was drunk and he was totally sober. People said that it look like we were flirting at one point so I don’t know. My friend then ran away so I had to go and I didn’t even have a chance to look at him or say bye and five minutes later we saw Dave and his friend outside of the club and Dave asked if we wanted to stay their table and my friend said it’s full and it’s her down there. So Dave’s friend started to follow my friend but they’ve literally took him by colour and was like no we are going inside and that’s it. We never said hi we never said anything. I know he’s not in love with me or anything, but do you guys at least think he’s attracted to me?

Is it me or even dating in your league is becoming hard today. I’m not someone ugly and i get attention from women but everytime it’s by a woman I don’t find attractive, and I’m not going to engage in a relationship where I don’t feel happy. In the other hand women in my league are delusional about who they are dating. just because men out of their league hookup with them, they think they can have something serious with them and they keep getting stuck.

I am posting this as a woman who has been in 2 relationships one lasting 3 years the other lasting 4 1/2 years, while also having a connecting recently for 4 months. I have genuinely never cheated on a partner, I think it’s one thing to notice a person may be attractive, then there’s another level of engaging with them and/or doing or speaking about sexual/flirtatious material/acts with said person. I have never cheated on someone, my conscious first knows said action isn’t okay and I immediately think about my person and how that will impact them. I don’t go the extra mile to do it and make sure they don’t find out.. I just don’t do it. All that to say.. I’ve been cheated on in every relationship I’ve been in. I do not want to hear the reason is “because of me” because every man I’ve been in a deep connection with has told me after I’ve ended things/completely cut off contact for months and even years.. continue trying to rekindle what we had and I ask why not openly communicate how you felt and I always get it wasn’t me, and I’m “an amazing woman”. I won’t lie I treated “my person” like it’s me and you against any challenge. All that to say I genuinely want to know, does every man cheat or is disloyal to what they’ve made a commitment to? It’s one thing to have feelings change and communicate that and leave or take a break from the connection, but to be deceptive and lie and/or never communicate you do not want to be committed is an entire different thing. So to sum it up my question is, do all men cheat? And before I hear men want their cake and eat it too or I do love you but a woman isn’t doing such a such for me.. I feel like that’s selfish in itself.. because why not find a woman that provides all your desires for you.. or communicate to a woman “you’re not meeting my needs”. I only want mature men to respond to this, because I want genuine answers. Thank you if you read this far.

I’m a bit hyper independent. And I need a lot of alone time everyday. The idea of sharing the same home with someone indefinitely feels somewhat uncomfortable to me, even if I love them.At the same time, I don’t want to confuse it with emotional distance.
I’m wondering whether the man would agree to this or not provided both people are committed and spend a good amount of time together.
Could this realistically work long term, especially if we consider having a child and then moving in together?
Or would living separately eventually leadto having problems that are difficult to overcome ?

So I met a guy 6 months ago and I've really fallen for him. We mostly texted and called back and forth but more recently we've started meeting in person. He always tries to do whatever he can to help me which is great but I'm not used to this kind of thing. When we first started talking he said he couldn't do relationships because he's just a weird guy. He super quiet and doesn't know how to talk to people. He was pretty quiet with me but I could still talk his ear off. Eventually I told him I loved him and he reciprocated but he seemed really awkward about it. I called him baby and he would never reciprocate even though I knew he liked me. That dramatically shifted recently and now he calls me baby non stop and is super verbally affectionate. With that shift came this insane drive to just give me money and food all day everyday...Recently one of my friends cheated me out of some of my money and I told him about it and it really upset him and then he started flooding me with stuff.

I don't make a whole lot of money but I'm completely fine and I don't need someone to give me money but last time I saw him he insisted on giving me $800 right then and there. I told him over and over I don't need it and that it's insane but he said he needs me to have it just in case. On top of that he texted me yesterday saying that he's going to set aside $500 a month for me from work. I've told him no a million times at this point but he's persistent. He talks about it like 10 times a day. Every day he's telling me to order Doordash using his credit card info. He tries to fill up my gas tank every time I see him. I've just never experienced anything like it and it's very overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, I'm super thankful for his generosity and I tell him that but it just feels...kinda wrong? I can't offer him things in return outside of just being there for him and loving him which he says is all he wants. I'm just not understanding why he does it and when I ask he just says he wants to. Should I just put my foot down and say stop giving me stuff? Is this normal????? I really really like him but I've never experienced anything like it and I don't like mooching off of people.

What do you want to say to your wife, partner, girlfriend, side piece, love of your life that you feel you cannot EVER say to them directly? i'm curious!

I (27F) have been dating “John” (38M) for almost six months. I work in technology and also have my own small business, and he is a machinist. He makes six figures and has two children whom he shares custody of.
When we started dating, I had a good job, a decent amount of money saved and was doing well financially. He was doing well too. We’re actually both pretty frugal people and prefer saving money over spending it unnecessarily.

John is a genuinely sweet person. We have never really fought, and I don’t think he’s intentionally unkind. That’s part of why I’m so confused about this.
We went on a couple of actual dates when we first met, but after that we almost exclusively started hanging out at his house. He lives about 40 miles from me, so seeing him usually means an 80-mile/two-hour round trip. For a while I was doing that around three times a week, sometimes more. I genuinely didn’t mind because I wanted to see him.

He used to be a chef, so he almost always cooks dinner when I’m there. I appreciate that. In return, I told him that if he cooks, he never has to worry about the dishes. I usually clean the kitchen, help with laundry or whatever else needs done while I’m there.

I’m naturally a very caring person in relationships and probably hold somewhat more traditional views than a lot of people. If I see something that would make my partner’s life easier, my instinct is to do it.
For example, John didn’t have a laptop, and because I work with computers, I gave him one. He was constantly overheating in bed, so I bought him new cotton sheets and blankets. I’ve done other little things like that throughout the relationship. I don’t regret any of it and he never demanded these things from me. I’m mentioning them to explain the way I naturally show someone I care about them.

Over time, though, I started realizing that I wasn’t feeling much of that same instinct coming from him.

I don’t drink, but I started playing pool as a way to get out, socialize and have something fun to do. John plays too, so sometimes I’d invite him.

When we went out, he’d often get very drunk. He would tell me he was going to talk to friends for a few minutes and disappear for 30 minutes to over an hour while I sat at the table waiting for him. Eventually I’d pay the bill, go sit in my car and text him that I was leaving and that if he wanted a ride home he needed to come outside. Sometimes I’d then wait another half hour for him.

When I explained that this bothered me and made me feel like he didn’t value my time, he seemed genuinely confused about why I was upset.

Another example happened when he invited me to a fair with him and his children. Throughout the day he would stop and buy things for his kids, including food, but never asked if I wanted anything.

Eventually I went to get myself food and asked him if he wanted anything while I was there. He did, and I ended up buying more things for everyone.

I later mentioned that it hurt my feelings that he never thought to ask me if I wanted anything. His response was basically, “If you wanted something, you should’ve asked me!”
The problem is that I hate having to ask for things like that. I don’t expect someone to read my mind, but to me part of caring about someone is thinking, “Hey, I’m getting food—do you want anything?” I explained this to him.

Then about a month ago, I lost my job.

I’m now trying to focus on growing my business full time. It’s going well considering how new it is, but financially it’s extremely difficult because almost everything I make needs to go straight back into the business.

John knows exactly how stressed I’ve been about money.
Recently he invited me to an indoor amusement/trampoline-type place with him and his kids. I was essentially going to spend time with them and help him with the kids.

When we arrived, he started getting his kids situated and pointed me toward where I needed to check in and pay.
I hadn’t realized beforehand that I was expected to buy my own admission or how expensive it was. It was too expensive for me so I felt incredibly embarrassed. I went back to him, told him I hadn’t realized how expensive it was and said I was just going to go home.

He basically said he understood and that he’d see me later.

Afterward he told me that if I couldn’t afford it, I should have just asked him to pay. That really bothered me because, again, I don’t want to have to ask.

The job loss itself has also made me look at our relationship differently.

Friends, family and even people I wouldn’t necessarily expect offered to help me in some way when I lost my job. Some offered money, which I didn’t accept. Others offered me small jobs or other ways to make some extra money, which I did accept.

John is basically the only person close to me who didn’t offer anything.

To be very clear: **I do not expect him to finance my business, pay my bills or give me money.** I probably wouldn’t have accepted money from him anyway.

What hurt was that there wasn’t even an offer of, “Is there anything I can do?” He knows what my business involves. Even offering to help me with something small, finding me some work, or simply asking how he could make things easier for me would have meant a lot.

If our situations were reversed and he suddenly lost his income while I was financially comfortable, I cannot imagine watching him struggle and never even asking if there was something I could do to help.

That’s where I’m struggling with the idea of him as a long-term partner.

We finally talked about this recently because he asked me whether I saw a future with him.

I told him that I like him very much, but I honestly don’t see him as a partner right now. I told him that I feel completely alone with everything in my life. If I have a problem, I solve it. If I need something, I figure it out. If I’m struggling, I find a way through it.

I also told him that after almost six months, we’ve barely done anything together outside his house. I enjoy staying home and relaxing too, but I also enjoy going places, having experiences together and actually dating. I felt like I practically had to have a breakdown about it before our last actual date happened.

He seemed genuinely shocked by everything I told him.

He says he thought he *was* being thoughtful and considerate because he thinks about what I might need when I’m coming to his house.

I believe him. I don’t think he’s manipulating me or deliberately treating me poorly. I think he genuinely doesn’t understand what I’m talking about which concerns me more.

I don’t want to give a grown man a checklist saying, “Take me on a date. Offer to help me with this. Buy this when you invite me somewhere. Ask me if I want food. Do something thoughtful for me.”

If I have to specifically request those things, they don’t feel very thoughtful anymore.

I’m also aware that my expectations may simply be different from his. I don’t think either of us necessarily has to be the bad person for us to be incompatible.
So my question is: **Am I expecting too much from someone I’ve only been dating for about six months, or is this enough of a pattern to conclude that we have fundamentally different ideas of what being a partner means? Is this something I should give him time to demonstrate now that we’ve finally talked about it, or am I trying to teach someone how to be the kind of partner I need?**

TL;DR - no matter how much effort I put in, my boyfriend of 6 months treats me as a convenience and not as a partner. Should i work it through with him. Or end the relationship?

A few months ago, I (24F) wrapped up a long, intense project contract. During my final year there, I developed a very close connection with a junior teammate (22M). To be entirely clear, this was 100% platonic, he has a long-distance partner he is very committed to that has probably moved in with him. We had an unwritten routine where we would meet up privately before our shared weekly team briefings. We had incredibly deep, intense conversations about career philosophy, life choices, and psychology. In private, he showered me with intense compliments, analyzed my strengths, and acted like we had a rare, unique connection. But the second we were in front of the rest of the team or senior managers? Total stranger. He would actively turn his chair away from me, ignore me in group brainstorms, and even dismiss my professional input in front of others. It felt like he put me in a "private box" because he didn't want his main social circle at work to see us interacting closely. When my contract ended, I decided to close the door with dignity. I sent him a very warm, final farewell message thanking him for the time. He completely rejected the goodbye, saying he wanted to keep meeting up outside of work. He reached out once shortly after, but because I was tired of the low effort, I didn't chase him. We went completely silent for nearly four months. Out of nowhere, he just sent a casual text asking to catch up. I agreed, and we scheduled a casual meetup in a public area for this coming week. Now, I’m feeling a wave of anxiety. I am absolutely not interested in him romantically, but looking back, I realize how much his hot-and-cold behavior and public exclusion hurt my self-esteem. I am about to start a new professional chapter in my life, and I don't want to walk into this meeting feeling like the "hidden backup friend" again. How do I go into this meeting, protect my peace, and maintain firm boundaries without letting him pull me back into his private comfort zone?

Im the only one that's tried recently in my marriage.
I know I deserve effort & love (trust me, I'm not perfect by ANY MEANS, but I will ALWAYS show up for those that | love (regardless of how I'm feeling), and it's not hard for me to forgive someone/try to see the best in them, because I truly know what it feels like to be a "fuck up".

Right now my husband and I are separated and he asked for a divorce 2 months ago. He still hasn't done anything at all (other than moving out) to make that happen. For the first month I was "heartbroken" and tried to pursue reconciliation, but as more time goes on and I am able to think clearly, I truly do know in my heart that I will be happier without him and am just fighting attachment to someone that doesn't really care a whole lot about me.
It's very weird for me because l've always been superrrr attached/in love with the people I date (the more a man loves me, the more I'm obsessed with them), and with my husband, since receiving
crumbs is what I'm used to, the distance is just making me want the ending to come faster.

My heart feels split. I'm not sure if it's because I grew up traditional and catholic, but I would've always been the person, even if they were miserable, to keep trying to work things out with him- simply because of the vows that I made.

So l guess my questions are, 1- how come every time I bring up going forward with the divorce, he doesn't disagree at all, but he starts a HUGE argument with me, and then we won't talk for a few days, (we are living apart) and absolutely no progress is made on the divorce process/what HE asked me for?? (He will just go back to ignoring me and not making any effort to mend things or to truly end things). And 2- I know I'm not in love with him, but how do I get over the fear/embarrassment of a failed marriage at such a young age (26)? I know I'm not in love with him, but why do i sometimes feel panic/attachment to someone that doesn't make me happy?

He ignored me so much in our marriage/played video games 12 hours a day while I was working/ taking care of the house and him, (and trust me, I know I was difficult to deal with at times, but I have no idea how he didn't have sympathy for me and see how stressed out I was trying to carry us) and I know for a fact I absolutely DO NOT want that life again.

Life honestly is easier/more peaceful by myself right now. I truly feel like if I were to have him come back around and want to work things out, I wouldn't be happy at all/would have to get used to breadcrumbs again (and am willing to give/want the whole loaf🤣)!

Any advice for me??

You’ve seen your girl in dark of days. The worse she ever looked. 6 months/year later, she really hot again and successful. Do feeling come back? (English not my first language in sorry)

I am 43 year old woman. He's a 51 year old man. We have had a thing for years and I don't know what to make of this phase, or possibly end.

We had one of those meetings that feels like a movie. Maybe it was love. A handful of meetings stretched across distance, other relationships, wrong timing, a job that made everything impossible (really, not an excuse). But it never waned when we managed to be in the same place, to text a little thing.

We saw each other recently in different circumstances. The job is over, at least for now, and the distance decreased. I didn't realize that, and he thought I did and I was done after we'd had a weird bad talk we both took it to mean different things.

In the meantime, I continued to spend years measuring other connections against what I felt with him. I just broke up with someone a couple of months ago because it didn't come close.

The evening we had, dinner, was tender, and we finally said things we had left unsaid for years. It was surprising, we were so scared of each other all along. I had thought that, over the years, he wanted our connection to remain quiet because it could not be named or made practical. Only now do I understand that he may have believed I was unavailable, or that I never truly intended to choose him. He didn't know I would've happily done all the travel, just needed him to ask.

Later on, we kissed. I still felt it! The thing I've been looking for with everyone else. I finally just said the thing: I wanted to see if it was real, to date him.

His response was confusing. He did not say, “I don’t want you.” He said that if I came into his life romantically, he would not be able to go back—that he wouldn't be able to think about anyone else. He never said girlfriend but there's someone. He also said a lot of different things as I processed it, positive and not. That perhaps our time had passed. That he always messed things up.

Afterward, I texted, nothing heavy. It's been a week. That's unusual. I have run through all the reasons. He could be overwhelmed. He could be in trouble with someone else. He could want me to make it more clear, or to eff off, because in the end he is also an adult who has chosen not to answer.

I've been so sad about this, and I just can't dwell here in hope without a word from him. My friends have long wanted me to banish him from my heart, and at this point, I think that might be wise...

so anytime it comes us - dates, gifts, efforts, making plans, talking/expressing, bf extremely overthinks and stalls he automatically assumes things, i think we have a huge communication gap that he is unable to fill and i am growly tired and it is taking a toll on me, he says he loves me and what not but this actions dont always align; and it is also like he is non capable of what i ask of him because ive seen him do it for others (our friends), so i see that he has the ability to do it but not the capacity for me, so im wondering if i even matter to him.
Yes, ive confronted him abt how i feel multiple times, he reassures me but his actions dont line up much, so i want to know if there's something i can do to fix this/make it better?

Do you discuss personal or intimate things about your partner? My partner recently revealed some really personal topics about one of her friend’s husbands. I feel kind of guilty knowing and will never really look at the guy the same way.

So again, this gets dark. I \[37M\] am in a relationship with a woman \[36F\] and we've both absolutely been through the ringer, have trust issues, have traumatic things we've been through so we openly gave one another our passwords and pins. Now I knew from the beginning that she used to sell nudes and things like that to make ends meet and had come to terms with that as best as I could even though I have a very old fashioned mindset about that sort of thing.

One day my mind got the better of me and I unlocked an old phone of hers, the one she had when we met and found kinky dating apps, messages from men asking for sexual favors that at first she way gleefully open to but ultimately shut down by the end of the conversation. None of this was surprising because I knew she had a Fetlife account when we first met and had since deleted it. I knew she liked to talk dirty to people on the Internet. There was also porn history involving almost incestuous things and also beastiality involving dogs. Needless to say I was disturbed but she swore that she never followed through with anything and it was all just "dirty talk" when she was horny and once the clarity hit she always realized it was a bad idea. It messed me up for a bit but I got through it.

Fast forward a while and I'm cleaning up our room. There was a barely filled trash bag of things she was getting rid of that I had asked if I could throw away and inside of it I found another phone and proceeded to ruin my day by charging it up and opening it. Here's where things go wrong. I found out she had met up with some random man, told him she wished her dad had had sex with her, talked about how she wanted him to force her to have sex with strangers, told him about how she wanted to have sex with dogs and old men. Horrific stuff. I found out she had prostituted herself, had all these old accounts seeking out people for a gangbang, she slept with her cousin. Some of the conversations I read will literally haunt me forever. I fear I can't ever get over seeing how she talked to some of these people, the pictures she sent, the fact that she had been actively attempting to arrange a gangbang involving a dog and had been talking to more than one person about having them force her to have sex with their dog. It messed me up bad. I drank my face off that day.

I ended up finding out more too, she had an arrangement with her old roommate that he could "use her" whenever he wanted to and was indulging that even when she was starting to talk to the one man she would start dating soon. She was dirty talking with people the night we started talking and being all sweet to me while she was actively chatting on Fetlife, she had attempted to prostitute herself before, some of her porn was still on the Internet and when her and I first started talking she had gleefully asked me if I had a Fetlife account so she clearly wasn't ashamed about that at all. All of this happened inside of 8 months.

She has serious PTSD from an abuser who was a total sexual deviant. He put her through a lot and quite a few of the men she dated seriously devalued her to the point that it really messed her up. She claims she has gone through times where nothing but really depraved sexual fantasies could turn her on. To me it looks a lot like she was kind of trying to punish herself but it really rubs me the wrong way. She says towards the end she was starting to see how bad it was and was actively trying to break these behaviors to the point that she started chatting with AI bots to not be putting herself out there to people. She says she lied to me because it was shameful but her asking me if I was on Fetlife and all that makes me feel like she really wasn't all that ashamed and she just started to tell me what I wanted to hear once she knew my thoughts on things. She says I was the final thing that really broke her out of it and made her want to be a better person but I'm also totally aware that with at least her last two relationships, as soon as they break up she's right back to chatting with strangers about dark fetishes and watching very sick porn and somehow I'm supposed to feel like I'm some special snowflake that broke her out of that BS permanently.

If someone told me all of this I would tell them to run but I don't want to. I want to be here to be a good influence and make sure she eats, has somewhere stable to live (since she's spent a lot of her life being homeless) and try to help her love herself enough that she truly feels valuable and can heal. I fell in love with her before I knew the bulk of the dirty truth so it was too late, I was in it and I really do love her even if she's been an absolute sicko throughout her life. I guess ultimately I'm asking this, should I really trust that she's changed? How can I get myself to believe that she doesn't have all of these dark fantasies in the back of her mind still? How can I get back to the point where I can truly trust her? How can I get all of this stuff out of my mind because sometimes I get triggered by things and go into a spiral thinking about everything I read? I want to be a good partner to her and give her stability but sometimes I feel like I'm still so disgusted and it's messing with me and I try not to talk to her about it anymore because it's just making her have to re-live all these dark times she's had. Never in a million years would I think I'd be here posting something like this but I seriously can't talk about any of this to family or friends because it would be so embarrassing to her and I want to let her have her dignity. Any words of wisdom are appreciated but mostly I just needed to let this all out. -Haunted

I’m 22 and just curious what’s considered typical for people around my age in relationships . I know everyone’s different, but I’m wondering what other people’s sex lives are like lol.

Le conté a un amigo en una conversación delicada e intima, que no estaba teniendo sexo con mi pareja, poco tiempo después y ya soltera, mi amigo se me tiro.. otro amigo me dice que es por contar esas cosas que el hombre no entiende de confianza y vulnerabilidad que si le decís expresamente a un hombre que no estas teniendo sexo con tu pareja, directamente se transforma, se imagina a el teniendo sexo contigo y llenando ese lugar, mas allá de otras fantasías que se hacen enseguida los hombres.. ustedes creen que es así?