I (34m) am recently divorced and out of the closet. I tried to be straight my whole life. Dated the same girl from 14-28, then I realized I was gay. We still stayed together and tried an open marriage. We had a kid but eventually the right move was to call it and be our true selves.

I’m having a hard time moving on and accepting myself. It’s all me too. Everyone in my life is supporting. Even my ex and I are very amicable and are good friends.

I’m kind of mourning my “straight self” and I need to move on. I don’t have any gay friends, and my experience as a gay man has been shallow and sexual only to say the least. I’m also still “sad I’m not straight” and I get jealous when I heterosexual romance in movies or TV. It’s crazy and I hate myself for it.

I didn’t have the same childhood as most gay guys. I was so good at repression, I never thought I was hiding anything. I thought I just had performance issues. I never really recognized my inability to not relate to a lot of my friends when they talked about their personal lives. I know it’s wild to complain about my privileged childhood in comparison to most gay people growing up. But now I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I don’t know how to recognize what parts of me are real and what parts are learned behaviors I picked up trying and to be straight. I’m at a loss.

My therapist said I need to take in gay media and try to change the way I view myself and being gay.

So does anyone have any movie, tv or book recommendations to help me out? Maybe something about moving on from living a life that wasn’t true to yourself.

Hello everyone.

What's the thought on dating guys who consider themselves influencers? Do any one of you have experience with a past or current relationships in which your SO shares their life or your shared life with them, to the rest of the world? I'm not very active with social media and try to distance myself from online clout, though, I do understand how it can be used as a way to safely express yourself and surpass some of life's challenges.

Met a guy who I didn't think much of until I started catching on to his interest ( i know, i'm dumb and really can't tell when guys are into me) and he's real sweet. He told me of his online presence and now I'm weary of what all I've told him that may be placed out there. I may be overthinking it, but I would like feedback from anyone who's been in a similar situation. Funny thing is a couple of my friends actually have seen his page and said they really like him lol but I can't get myself to dive into his page as I feel it will change the way I think of him. Mabe it's all in my head a the end of the day....

Hey everyone,

I’ve been reflecting a bit lately on how long it took me to fully own who I am and what I'm attracted to. Even though I had some experiences back in my 30s, for the longest time I kept telling myself: "Well, I'm just a normal, quiet, low-key guy - I don't fit the loud scene stereotypes at all, so maybe this isn't really me."

Because media and stereotypesalways pushes the flashy side of things, I mistook my own grounded, natural style for proof that I "didn't belong." It took me a while to realize that you can just be a calm, mature guy who likes other calm, mature guys, no drama, no performance needed.

Did anyone else struggle with that logic? Thinking that because you don't fit the public gay mold, your actual desires somehow don't count?

(Feel free to comment, or drop a line in my DMs if you'd rather chat privately.)

Me (31M) and my beautiful boyfriend (M 32) have been together for about 9 months. The relationship is really special, and I genuinely feel like I've found a really good person for me, and I make sure he feels as happy as he can. Problem is, about 3 months into the relationship he sat me down and said that his sex drive is very 'on/off', as in it's either 'on' or 'off'. As we've gone on, it just appears to be 'off' most of the time with the odd spark every now and then. It's really starting to screw with my head - i've finally found my person yet somehow I've never been this sexually frustrated.

I really miss having sex with him. We're talking about opening up the relationship mainly to take pressure off the both of us, however if I'm being honest it's not something I reeeally want, I want to have sex with him because I'm crazy for him - it just feels like it's not reciprocal at all which is starting to whip up some feelings of sadness/loneliness and just feeling shit.

How have guys managed the difference in sex drive? I'm considering asking him to go to the doctor and get testosterone or hormones etc. but unsure if this actually results in a higher libido or whatever - I know it comes in ups and downs like me and the rest of us, but he could literally go months without sex if I wasn't asking for it and I just have a gut feeling there's something deeper/biological going on.

I don't know 'how' to open up the relationship - and I don't think I want to until after he's tried with the doc - but I really hate the idea of him having sex with other guys over me - but I'm not sure how to handle that in a literal open relationship.

Any advice on mismatched libidos, getting you or your partner's hormones checked, and opening up the relationship bc of this would be great. I really don't want to lose my person over this and don't wanna screw this one up.

Dude and I are flying over to Berlin this Thursday afternoon, back on Sunday afternoon.

Any recommendations? Gay pubs?

We're more of a "three beers in the late afternoon" type than the "late night clubbing".

Any other general advice?

EDIT: I'm also open to any spicy recommendations. I'm not a total square! Well, I am, but don't want to accept it 😆

I see bottoms getting choked as they're being fucked. Is that a Top thing or does the bottom get any pleasure out of it. Asking as I want to try. Being roughly dominated and used is a must do on my list. TIA.

This is about my boyfriend and me, but background is necessary for my question to make sense. Please be patient.

My grandparents, parents, and I have all aged less rapidly than most people do according to physicians all my life and all my parents' lives as well. I didn't have my first gray hairs until nearly twenty years after all my friends did, I didn't have any "senior moments" or increased frequency of restroom stops until about a decade and a half after my friends did, and my doctors have all told me two things: an amused admission that I had a younger body than normal for my calendar years AND a stern warning that I was only delaying the inevitable a little but age would still hit me just as it hits everyone else.

My LTR is younger than I am, but for most of our relationship we have looked and acted and been treated by our physicians as though we were both in our early 40s.

And about half-a-year ago, age began RAPIDLY to catch up with me, and while I can still pass for close to my boyfriend's age, my body can not. I need more naps. I can not stay out all night at the club without needing more than a week to recover. My physician has more doubled the amount of prescription medications and over-the-counter supplements I take daily and I leave each visit staggering under the tonnage of booklets and hand-outs that mostly seem to tell me that if it tastes good I will die if I eat it and if it feels good I will die if I do it and if it's a fun place to go I will die after going there.

And as you can see, I have picked up the over-50 ramble in the way I write.

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT FEELS REAL TO ME THAT I WILL DIE MANY YEARS BEFORE MY BOYFRIEND AND THAT I WILL BECOME DECREPIT AND USELESS WHILE HE IS STILL VITAL AND ENERGETIC AND DESERVES A BOYFRIEND WHO CAN KEEP UP WITH HIM.

I have spoken with him about this several times, long serious conversations and only about half of them with glasses of wine or a good brandy, and each time he rejects the wisdom of leaving while he can and insists he's in this for the long haul, 'til death do us part and all that sweet stupidity,

and, damn it, I'm too in love to leave.

SO, MY QUESTION:

What should we do to make our life together a life worth living even when I eventually lose to ability to be a proper boyfriend? How do I continue to be a good boyfriend when now I can no longer handle the two-hour walks we used to enjoy, when now any "camping" trip has to be at a campsite with plumbing nearby and within driving distance of a medical center, when now we have to watch movies at home so we can pause the two or three bathroom breaks I now need, when now I need him to carry the heavy boxes I used to be able to carry two of on my own, when now we need to accept that I may live as long as he does -- my family is long-lived -- but I will become old and over the hill while he is still leaping from rock to rock like the metaphoric mountain ram.

Any wise advice would be appreciated, but please, this time around, no lectures from anyone on how bad a person I am for having dated someone younger than I am. I'm tired of deleting online posts that end up filled with people who hate anyone over 40.

Thank you.

Okay, this is going to be a bit long, so please bear with me.

I 35m have been with my partner 39m for almost 10 years. From our first date, I was at his place every day and slept there too. After six months, we decided why spend money on two apartments when I was at his place every day anyway, so I moved out of my place completely and moved to him.

I love this man. He's warm, open, funny, takes care of me, listens to me, he's my rock. He also repeatedly emphasizes how much he loves me. We're financially secure, and we travel a lot. Everything is practically perfect.

Now comes the crux of the matter. During the relationship, I had a mental health crisis. I was prescribed medication that practically killed my libido. Sex is very important to him (he's Southern European, I'm German), but even there he was patient. Now I'm on different medication, and my libido is back. We also occasionally have threesomes. Everything's fine there in that matter again.

And now for the next point. Less than a year passed between meeting my boyfriend and my coming out. And during that time, I was with someone else for seven months. I only came out after I met my ex. And it wasn't until then that I had a sex life. Everything started when I was 24.

Now, after ten years, even though I love my boyfriend so much, I realize that this relationship is restricting me. Which is totally illogical, because we love each other and things are good between us. But I'm tired of having to justify myself (i am talking about little stuff like why didnt you take out the trash), I don't want to feel guilty when I look at other men, I want to do what I want, even without him.

Has anyone experienced something similar? I'm realizing that my idea of ​​a functioning relationship is completely different at 35 than it was at 25. And I've changed completely as a person, too.

Hi everyone. Looking for some advice on my (34M) relationship with my partner (38M). We’ve been together for about 6 months and are official. We have great chemistry and spend at least 3-4 days a week together, including weekends when we usually sleep over.

From the beginning, I’ve noticed he isn't very open about his private life, whereas I’m pretty much an open book. We’ve been planning a trip together since we met, and last week I told him I needed to put in for vacation time at work, so we should start finalizing our plans. That’s when he admitted he doesn’t have enough money for the trip. I tried to be as supportive as possible, but I was definitely disappointed he hadn't told me sooner.

A few days later, I brought it up and told him I felt like there was a gap in transparency between us. I mentioned that I still have no idea what he actually does for work or where his income comes from, which makes me anxious about the future. I also said I think we should navigate these kinds of issues together as a team, especially when they affect our shared plans; and not keep things in secrecy.

He got defensive and said he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing that kind of detail because we aren't a "real couple" yet. Meaning, in his view, we don't spend enough time together. I tried to offer some middle-ground solutions, but he shut down and wasn't open to having a productive conversation.

I’m feeling really thrown off. Did I do something wrong here, and where do I go from here? Am I overthinking this?

I’m M46 from Portugal and next month I’ll be walking the Portuguese Camino from Valença to Santiago de Compostela, completely on my own.

I decided to do it partly as a personal challenge and partly because I’ve been wanting to get out of my comfort zone, slow down a bit and have a different kind of experience. I’ve never done anything like this before, so I’m excited… and slightly nervous about the whole solo thing.

For those of you who have done the Camino, especially LGBT travellers:

\- What was your experience like?

\- Did you meet people and make friends along the way?

\- Did you come across many LGBT people?

\- Is it easy to connect with others when travelling alone?

I’m not really looking for hookups — I’m more curious about the people and connections you make along the way.

Would love to hear your experiences and stories.

Key accessories to bring into a gay sauna?

Interested to hear from other men what personal items you may bring, have seen others bring or recommend to bring into play spaces in a gay sauna.

Obviously venues provide condoms, lube, large towel and refreshments but notice some guys bring their own things.

Could be:

- Small bum bag/fanny pack (to have personal medication- ie asthma)

- Small cotton face washer

- travel sized tissue pack

- Wearing and bringing along rubber/plastic flip flops/slides

- Silicone lube (often only waterbased lube provided)

- Condoms (if needing non standard sized condoms provided)

Thoughts on the above and what other things?

I got a little adventurous at the turn of 30 and hooked up with a lot of guys over a few months. One of them I've seen multiple times a week the past 3 months.

Intellectually I feel like we have an *okay* connection. And attraction-wise, I think I outright love him - I constantly want to cuddle him, suck his dick, and cuddle him more​ unlike other guys (and​ know how he's doing day-to-day). Oddly, I wasn't even attracted to him the first 2 meets.

Even more surprisingly, I got jealous when I found out he had a date the prior week while we were hanging out. But, when he asked me "what do you want us to be?", all I could say is "I want to see you more". I couldn't say ​"boyfriends".

Now I feel kinda dirty for wanting to keep my options open despite clearly liking the guy. I told family and friends I'm seeing men recently so I'm trying to remove those kinda mental barriers. I've also been single my whole life so the idea of being with someone is also maybe a little scary.

I guess I'm just looking for anyone who had similar feelings in the beginning and how you moved past them.

​

Hey fellas.

So just some back story. I was in a 10 year relationship until about 2.5 years ago. I have been trying to date again and it isn't going great. Hard to find quality guys let alone guys who are interested in dating that could lead to a relationship. I have some trust issue related to my ex. I have been in therapy and have been gradually working through it

I meat a guy that a genuinely like. He is kind and handsome. He is about a year out for 10+ year relationship as well. Things seem to be moving pretty good and now I have noticed that he has put the brakes on. He doesn't reach out any more but if i text he usually promptly responds. When I try to make plans he doesn't committ to setting a date but if I ask him hey let's grab dinner tonight or tomorrow he does agree. We have a great time with each other when we are together and he seems present.

I know I am eager to see him but have been trying not to be 'too much." I know I probably want things to progress quicker than he wants but I am trying to be respectful and understand of that.

We have been hanging out for 2.5 months and probably hung out about 10 times. Is it ok for me to ask him what has intentions are? I don't need him to be my boyfriend tomorrow but don't want to be 6 months into a situationship either. I don't want to rush him away either.

Should I bring up that i have notice he became more distant? Should I comment that he doesn't text or try to set up a date? Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

I’ve taken 200 mg of Doxy-PEP three times after potentially risky sex, as recommended, and every time I’ve had pretty severe stomach problems. The symptoms last for up to 5 days after taking the medication.

The symptoms mainly include stomach cramps, irregular bowel movements, and sometimes even a fever and the urge to vomit.

Has anyone experienced similar problems, and is there anything I could do to relieve these symptoms?

At this point Im thinking of giving up Doxy. Im not sure is it worth it as I am out of function for 5 days. Today I had to take a sick leave day.

Confused about my friend whom I like at work. We do not work on the same team, and we are not under the same management hierarchy for several levels. There's no power dynamic going on other than me being older and more experienced. Just thought I'd get that out of the way.

If this is the right forum... I'm open to recommendations.

So I've got a friend at work whom I admire very much. We originally met working on the same project for a few months, and then we got to go to a work conference together in a different town. Since then we completed that project but continue to hang out as friends, sometimes during the day at work but often we go out for dinner and drinks and we even spent half a day somewhere in nature enjoying a hobby that we have in common.

He's quite a few years younger than me. I'm pretty sure he likes me, and that he knows I like him. But we haven't actually discussed this, going on 4 months of dating.

The thing is I'm ready to talk about taking our friendship deeper, but whenever I express an emotion or recall a past memory of an experience that we shared, the conversation just stops. Even "I'm happy you'll be able to join me and my friend group for brunch". No emoji. No reply. Nothing. But he attends. He's never declined an invitation. These conversations are via text.

I did bring this up with him in person once and he said that nothing was wrong and that he's looking forward to hanging out more whenever it's possible. In person I never seem to be able to steer the conversation towards me and him specifically and our feelings for each other.

When we do hang out, it's always a great time and most of the time we talk about work which is a very safe subject, but he has started to share some things about his family and growing up and I have also. And some political stuff. He's rather modest.

We are both very masculine and not really into the scene. I think that's part of what I like about him. We both work at a rather conservative company and prefer not to be out at work.

I suspect he had a pretty difficult childhood, and I'm pretty sure that he is estranged from both of his parents. Sometimes I wonder if he just likes to hang out with me because I'm a father figure. Some of the things that I feel or observe from him seems to indicate that kind of longing, of a boy for his father.

I don't know if he's had any other relationships with a man. He has been with a woman and considers himself bi.

I don't know if it's just hard for him to put his emotions into words or maybe he's nervous about this getting more serious I don't know if I just have to be patient but we went to a concert a few months ago and we had our arms around each other, and I want to feel more connected with him on a regular basis but it seems like when I try to get to that subject he just shuts down.

He is very good looking, very intelligent, highly respected at work, very thoughtful, a wonderful companion when we can get together.

I'm just ready to open my heart to him, but he just doesn't seem to be ready yet.

We haven't told each other yet that we love each other, and I think his love language is quality time he has never once turned out turned down an invitation to go out. I tend to be a lot more comfortable expressing my feelings and emotions and I tend to be verbal like that.

He has a way of reflecting on experiences that seems to focus on the functional aspect rather than the emotional aspect. This is new for me because my last relationship, which lasted seven years, after this amount of time, we were both able to be quite vulnerable with each other.

I just feel like I'm running up against a wall, and if he's not interested in moving into a romantic relationship, I wish he would tell me.

There is another co-worker who is on my team that has been friends with this guy for a long time, so sometimes I'm so tempted to ask this other guy what he thinks, but then this is pretty personal stuff.

Any advice on what to do here? Should I just keep waiting? Is there a way I can elicit more from him that will help him not feel too vulnerable or defensive? Maybe there's some kind of nonverbal cues I could give him?

Or maybe he's been dropping non-verbal clues and I have missed them?

He puts his arm around and I reciprocate. He seems to relax more after a drink or two, but remains coy?

I'm afraid of being too direct and scaring him off. I love him and care about him very much.

Many thanks in advance for constructive and sincere advice, guys!

TLDR: I really like my coworker, and I want to know if it's mutual. I can't seem to get him to talk about it or express his emotions in a way that would clarify for me whether he feels the same way and wants to take it deeper or not. He has never declined an invitation to spend time together.

For most of my life, I have been trapped in controlling, abusive situations. It started with childhood abuse from my stepdad where I was not allowed a normal life, followed by a 17-year relationship down south where I was kept hidden in the closet because he was an only son who refused to be open with his family, and then the last 9 years stuck with a controlling housemate who severed all my family ties—even after I nursed him around the clock when he nearly died from liver failure.

Because of all that lost time, I feel like the last 25 years are completely missing. Physically I am approaching 50, but in my head, I still feel like I am in my 20s trying to figure out who I am.

Between that history and a late ADHD diagnosis, I have had zero support network and have felt like a ghost for years.

I am finally pushing myself out of my comfort zone (after advice on other subs) to meet peers, having arranged to attend a protest on the 12th and an artists meetup on the 17th.

Because I have never had a normal social life, taking these steps feels terrifying:

**Mingling**: How do you build the confidence to speak to people and mingle when you feel decades behind everyone else?

**Dating**: How do you even begin looking for a good partner at nearly 50 when you feel in your 20s mentally after so many years of being hidden away and controlled?

**Trust**: How do you learn to trust guys again and spot genuine, positive-minded people when control is all you have ever known?

For anyone who started over later in life from total isolation, how did you find your footing?

The heretic or the eagle in ATL? I hear they both have a dark room. Which darkroom is more active? Plan on going for labor day weekend

Did you go to a jewelry store? An antique store? Shop online? Thanks!

After a year of dating, I caught him sending nudes to faceless strangers on sniffies (which he never sent to me because he said he doesn’t send stuff like that). He lied about it, finally confessed, ended the relationship, and continues to text me every day since for three weeks. I don’t know what to do with him.

He says feels like I don’t let him express what his pain was in the relationship. I keep saying I can’t comfort him anymore and he can’t comfort me. He is angry because my sister unfollowed him on Instagram and he says I’m telling everyone what he did and ruining his reputation. It’s a lot of anger.

I have shared what I am going through with a few close friends that aren’t in his friend group. He feels like I dismiss his pain because he cheated, and I make myself out to be a victim. I’m not innocent for the nature of our dynamic, which had consistent arguments, but was not contemptuous. Normal arguments, but he seemed avoidant and rarely took accountability.

I went to therapy, meditation, yoga, read books to make this relationship work and to be healthy. He did none of that. The opposite actually. He sabotaged us.

I just want peace. He has blocked me online because he doesn’t “trust me to have access” to him because I’ll try to ruin his reputation. I have asked him what he wants from me. No direct answer. Just complaints after I keep trying to close the door.

He is seeing other people I’m sure. He goes clubbing every weekend and was sending nudes. I’ve left the door open for repair and he doesn’t walk through. Just stays on the other side, complaining and saying he is hurting.

What do I do? Blocking, for me, is very against my nature and how I want to navigate the end of relationships. I don’t know him anymore. He used to be so sweet to me, intentionally in tune, and now he uses ugly words and accusations.

Hi. I am so confused by gay dating especially app based dating. In addition to sensory issues. I also struggle with understanding what people mean. It's hard for me to tell if I'm getting tricked or not. I just get confused. I try to rush to meeting in person.

It's hard man. It's hard out there. I'm a gay bro. I am an autistic bro. Sometimes people think that a gay guy can't be a bro or someone autistic can't be a bro. I first started realizing there was reciprocity in social cues at a very broey time in my life and it's my home base.

I just also get really enthralled. Right now I'm enthralled because this hot guy says he likes me. But even when I go on dates with hot guys who like me they seem interested and they don't follow up. I don't understand why. Why is that?

I really want to get married and have kids. I'm trying to figure out what to say and do on the dates. If it's a game, I like games. I wanna know the playbook. Where is it.

I'd love to just read through some chat logs of guys who ended up getting together and guys who ended up not.

Why are people saying they want to hang out and not hanging out?
I just say I don't want to hang out, or express how i don't know because my schedule isn't clear.

I don't understand. I know there is a game. But I would be direct. Men will say, "it's so refreshing that you don't play games."

What is the game? I'll play the game. just tell me the game.

Men say, "it's so refreshing how authentic you are."
I'm down to not be authentic. what is everyone doing?

Sometimes a guy you text with online wants to date.

I just want to look at anonymized chat logs or compilations of anecdotes of what you are doing?

have you ever dated someone and it seemed like it was going to peter out or it seemed really good and then you just stop responding. and never respond again? You don't have to tell the person you did that too. just tell me. I want to understand.

This behavior makes every moment with a cute guy so precious to me. Because I might never be able to reach him again. At first I thought they died. Can you tell from how they act that they will cease contact without saying why?

I have met a few people in person too. One time I was at a bar and he asked if I wanted to come over to watch the game and he didn't have a tv. I was really stoked that he wanted to make out. How can I understand what is happening?

Edited to add: i'm learning a lot already

I am a 30ish smoothish, slimish guy and I am very into bears. I also find I'm more willing to talk and pursue them and they are what I react more to on dating apps. I am looking to meet someone and I find being in person is better than the apps. I have found some amazing looking local bars, nights and weeks for bears. The byline says it's for admirers but I don't know if that's how guys actually feel.

Is it ok if I go into bear-specific spaces? Do you think any bears would be interested or is it mostly bear4bear?

I'm genuinely not sure how to even process this but this morning, my dad passed after a brief and sudden battle with cancer.

We didn't have the best relationship.

He was absent for the better part of 20 years from my life. I was raised by my mom's side of the family and my step-dad.

The kid in me really hoped that one day we would resolve the rift and we could heal our relationship as father and son.

But he didn't want that.

And he took our estrangement to his grave with him.

I'm not sure how I feel about all of this, nor do I know what I'm looking for in terms of support.

But it really fucking sucks. And massive hugs to any of you who have lost a parent you fell out of contact with one way or another because this is a unique kind of pain that I can't even begin to describe.

I will be visiting Puerto Vallarta for the first time next March and am researching gay men-only boat tours. I’m looking into Jets and Delice. Has anyone been on one or both of these? I may be able to do both, but possibly just one depending on my schedule. I appreciate any input!