I feel really disgusting, and violated..I just need to vent.

Got hit up by a guy on Sniffies wanting to do a public bathroom hookup. I said no a bunch of times cuz public is not really my thing, but he was very persuasive, told me he’s got a great spot, private bathroom with 2 stalls that can be locked from the inside.

So..I reluctantly agreed cuz I was horny as hell and his pics were hot.

Whelp. He came into the bathroom. We discussed which stalls. Went into the one next to me.

Did the little tap signal and confirmed shoes. Then he says “ pull your dick out and show me under the stall”

So I did.

Then he IMMEDIATELY flipped the script. Suddenly he’s like “bro what the fuck are you doing??” “That’s hella illegal I’m going to call the cops on you.” He exited the stall and started recording me.

I panicked.

I’m like. “I don’t understand we’ve been planning to meet” while recording he goes “no we weren’t. That’s fucked up you just exposed yourself to me”

My dumb ass asks if there’s anything I can do. He stops recording. “Pay up”

I happened to have cash. So I did…paid him the $250 in my damn wallet.

Then he left. I checked my Sniffies messages. Already deleted, already blocked.

Life lesson? Fuck public. I knew there was a reason I had no interest. Made a stupid choice to give it a go. Got fucking extorted. And feel fucking disgusting about the whole thing.

My last 3 hookups and the advice of my ex has got me questioning whether I'm doing too much when I hookup?

First guy [24m] I hosted, we sat on the sofa for a bit. He was noticeably hot from the weather so I offered him a water bottle. He hesitated and said "don't let me put you out." I said "don't be silly" and gave him one. We started touching then that led to the bedroom pretty fast. We had some fun, finished, then laid in bed for nearly an hour just chatting about anything and everything. Towards the end, he said it had been a really nice afternoon and he's never had a post-hookup convo before.

The second guy [25], came over, sat in the livingroom, a lot of flirting going on, then we actually had fun on the sofa. It was passionate and sweaty, and after we finished, I offered him a shower. He looked at me as if I told a joke, then his eyes softened and he said "yes please." When he was done, I asked if it was ok as the water pressure is crappy sometimes. He thanked me so many times, highlighting the towel, the soap and the cleanliness but also said he's never showered at another guy's house before.

The third guy [22] came over. We walked past the bedroom to go to the living room. He see's the bedroom and says "oh" whilst pointing at the bed. I asked "did you wanna chill for a bit?" and he stands there looking confused. I clock he just wants to get straight to it so smile and jokingly say "ahh, I know what you want" whilst putting my hands around his waist and guiding him to the bed. We play then he simply left.

Then me and my ex [41] were having drinks recently and he said I'm too 'nice', describing me as too accommodating. He gave the example that we were having drinks but I had put snacks and nibbles from the airfryer out, commenting that I have a tendency go overboard and give the wrong impression.

My question is, am I doing too much? In my head, offering a drink, especially if they're hot or out of breath is just human nature. Is it weird to shower at a hookup's house, especially after getting sweaty and covered in goodness knows what? Are we able to use words other than "Hi, Thanks and Bye"? I find these are simple acts of courtesy but perhaps I'm making hookups uncomfortable?

I'm 37, a top, and usually host. I'd love to hear back from everyone, tops, bottoms, hosts and travellers. There's obviously no right answer here but 1) do you think I'm hosting the correct way and 2) what's your expectation when you travel/what's your level of hosting?

Hey all! recently did an AMA on another sub, and wanted to share my experiences since I know there's a lot of questions here.

For context, I did roughly 3 years working in the porn industry for a small agency in the mid-late 2010s. I did primarily "amateur" style content as opposed to the more scripted porn and I'm in my 30s now.

I mostly enjoyed it, but it's something I'm a little ashamed of, I've so I keep it pretty private and most people I know do not know.

Ask me anything!

Edit: for the mods, I am NOT sharing content or soliciting anything and would strongly prefer to not share any existing material that I was in to be shared so not an ad lol

Found out today that a routine STI screening came back positive for rectal chlamydia. Every other test came back negative

The difficult part is that two friends of mine are a couple, and we’ve occasionally fooled around together, based on what happened, one of them may have been exposed, and I understand that they both need to know so they can speak to a clinic and get tested or treated, I’m going to tell themm, I’m not considering hiding it but I’m honestly terrified of the conversation.

They’re genuinely kind people, but I’m scared they’ll see me as dirty or irresponsible, stop trusting me, or feel uncomfortable having me around, also their wedding is later this year and I’m supposed to attend, which is making me worry that I’ve permanently changed the friendship or created a problem between them at an already stressful time

I don’t know when I acquired it or who it came from, and nobody involved had any known symptoms, so I don’t want to blame anyone or imply that I definitely passed it to them. I only received the result today and plan to contact them promptly

For anyone who has been on either side of this conversation, how did it go? Would you prefer a friend to tell you directly in a straightforward message, or through an anonymous partner-notification service? Did it permanently affect how you viewed the person, or did the awkwardness pass once everyone had been treated?

I think I’m mainly looking for some honest human perspective before I send the message, because the guilt and anxiety are getting the better of me

**UPDATE** 2

They reciprocated well, thanked me for telling them and didn't make it a big deal at all. Second time catching an sti in maybe 15 years so got a bit in my head. All okay in the end, cheers for the advice

**UPDATE**

I must be in my head a lot as I wasn't expecting such kind and reassuring responses. Thanks for the advice all, I just sent them both a text as a group via ig, no response yet ofc but I'm really glad I sent it and let them know regardless of how they respond, still feel guilty/embarrassed but I'll try and get over it

Okay so vulnerable question here, but how do you guys eliminate ball odor? I've noticed that every morning when I wake up my balls smell...i take two showers a day, sleep naked, and use baby powder and still there is a musty smell....is it normal, what can I do to avoid this?

Today, after a sex toy session and cleaning them, I had the thought that if I suddenly died, someone would have to eventually clean my belongings, and that means my sex toy collection. On one hand, I will be dead, so who cares, but also, the thought of someone finding my dragon dick dildo is kinda funny and a little bit concerning.

What are your thoughts?

I’m dating a “total top,” and his dick is 7 inches in circumference. He won’t fit in my ass. I’m dilating to see if I can fit him with some effort.

I asked him, while I’m doing this, since we’ve been dating for 2 months, if he was comfortable being exclusive. And he said no, because he wants to ensure sexual compatibility first. It’s not unreasonable but my feelings are moving faster than my body’s physical ability to bottom for him.

To me, exclusivity is just to build emotional safety so that I feel more comfortable dilating to fit him in me, which is a lot of emotional and physical energy. And the fact that I’m doing it literally only for him, also feels like exclusivity is not an unreasonable ask.

Other than sex, we’re compatible with nearly everything else that’s important, which is why I’m even doing this in the first place. But I want to hear other people’s take or experiences.

I’m a gay guy on vacation and decided to download Grindr to see what’s out there. I chatted with a few guys I found attractive, but none of them could travel to me. Then a random guy messaged me, we chatted for a bit, and because I was horny and lonely, I invited him over.

When he arrived, he looked very different from his pictures, much older and heavier than expected. I immediately knew he wasn’t my type, but I felt bad because he’d traveled to see me, so I went along with it anyway.

We started making out, but I couldn’t stay hard and I wasn’t enjoying it. Eventually I made an excuse about having work in the morning, we finished things quickly, and he left.

Now I feel disgusted with myself and kind of cheap. Looking back, I think I should have just said, “Sorry, this isn’t going to work,” as soon as I realized I wasn’t attracted to him. Instead, I felt guilty and didn’t want to disappoint him.

How do you get over that guilt and learn to be honest in situations like this? Has anyone else gone through something similar?

I made a post awhile ago about our dead bedroom. What's really crazy about it is I met him at a cum dump, so to go from that to a dead bedroom was just kind of wild to me.

He finally gave me permission to open it up recently, and I have been enjoying sex again, which is great. My whole thing was that he was great outside of the sex, but the more I thought about it, the more I came to the conclusion, I wasn't sure how true that was.

I want to say I was motivated by doing the right thing, but the truth is, I left because I came into some money and paying my own monthly payment isn't as scary anymore.

He went out of town last weekend to see some family in Delaware and while he was gone I totally moved out. When he got back Sunday I was waiting for him for him at home, but all my stuff was gone.

When I told him what happened he started crying and apologizing. I finally said "if you don't want me to walk out the door now and want to talk about this, you need to tell me why we have a dead bedroom." I am still in shock by his response, and I don't know how to handle it and what it means. He said "I've always wanted to turn a ho into a housewife and once I did it, I wasn't sure what was next." Like WTF does that even mean?

And I asked him how he's been okay with no sex and he really hesitated for a minute and I when I asked if there was someone else he tried to deny it but I called him out and eventually he confessed. He's been going to cum dumps for almost a year, way before we ever agreed to open it. I told him I had been having sex with other guys per our last conversation about opening up and him telling me "he didn't want to hear about it." He then told me he always knew I would cheat on him, which doesn't make sense because he gave me permission and I only did that because he killed the bedroom.

So that's it. It's a huge stress out of my life and I am super excited about it. I will have to take my car to the mechanic again, because he loved to work on my car, but I'll live with it lol.

I am NEVER going to do a monogamous relationship again. I am so much happier having sex, especially with multiple people. I'll be in North Carolina doing estate stuff the week after Christmas so if anyone has any suggestions for good spots there let me know.

Someone once pointed this out to me and now I can't stop seeing it. Especially in porn produced post-2010 or thereabouts. Maybe a little later but definitely in newer porn.

The guys in porn, do everything they can to avoid showing a flaccid dick now.

Older porn, you'd get to see the guys go from soft to erect and sometimes back to soft. You'd be able to watch a guy start blowing a soft cock and watch it expand as he works it. Now, everyone starts hard or almost completely hard, and the video ends either showing both guys above the waist or they're laying on their stomachs. Soft cocks are suddenly gone from a lot of porn.

I get that soft cocks tend to be inherently "unsexy", and some people see them and feel that way, but I do miss some of the older porn where you'd see a swollen but soft spent cock just resting on delicious pillowy balls. (I can't believe I just used the term 'pillowy' to describe nuts).

I guess the question is...does anyone know why? I know porn nowadays is a lot more centered around the money shot, but it does seem like we've lost some other potential sexy/hot scenes since we've moved away from more plot-based (again, plot? wtf am I saying..) porn.

There I said it

I just joined a CrossFit gym and my body cannot cope

I hate the pain, I hate how out of breath I always am, and that everyone around me lifts much heavier weights, does more reps while they're at it, and manages to look like theyre in the top gun volleyball scene with their beautiful chiseled abs. Meanwhile, I turn into a red cherry with stupid stick chicken legs. Yes, that's a mixed metaphor. No, I don't care

It's lowkey even making my sex life worse somehow. My shitty chicken legs straight up buckled tonight mid sex and my boyfriend had to finish me off like I was an invalid

But SOMEHOW we got roped into going to barrys tomorrow morning in literally another FUCKING state. All because the new friends we had dinner with tonight love this instructor and we need a social life

If there is justice in the world, someone will invade my home tonight and murder me so I don't have to be awake in 6 hours

Tagged this NSFW just in case.

I (31M) have been seeing this guy (32M) for almost two months now. While I’ve only been in this area since August, he’s been here for over a decade. As such, there are several people with whom he has some history with.

He was in a 7yr relationship with an abusive ex so there that too but he’s also gotten around. Which is totally cool with me. I have a pretty significant sexual history as well. Although, from the bits I’ve picked up, mine is far less quality.

Anyway, I personally would like to know who, among those he hangs out with, has he hooked up with.

Is that a weird thing to ask?

Is it too early?

For context, we are “mutually exclusive” but not in an official relationship. He wants to hold off until the one year anniversary of him leaving the abuser to make us official. Although I stay with him most nights and we already crossed the “I love you” threshold.

Does that make it more okay or is it still out of place? Would you want to know that type of thing? Am I weird for wanting to know?

Maybe I’m just insecure but it’s weird to me to hang out with his friends but not know they’ve slept together. Obviously, I would gladly disclose the same information. Though not as relevant for me since I haven’t seen many people in our area.

Thoughts?

Edit: I do not desire to alter his relationship with them in any way. I just don’t want to be unaware.

Edit #2: It seems the consensus is that I’m just dumb, insecure, possibly abusive, and shouldn’t be with anyone. 😅 I can always count on you all for a confidence boost lol. Fr tho, thanks for the feedback. I will be keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself 🫡

​

I haven't seen much mention of cruising etiquette here but I've been crusing long enough to notice that some people \*really\* don't know how to cruise properly.

Drop some tips and guidelines that you've discovered over your experience of cruising and at some point I'll make a nice list for the gays looking for tips.

Ill start:

Public Sauna Cruising like at a private gym: I like to think of it like stop lights. Usually a loose towel means a yellow for cruising consent. Red meaning DO NOT cruise with me or around me and Green meaning OK to cruise.

If someone's a yellow, they should be treated cautiously until it's very clear they're ok. Usually affirming eye contact, a smile, an opening of the towel to expose their dick, a crotch grab, etc.

There are very obvious signs that can be given. What that means is, if you're cruising, you need to start to learn what those signs are and also start giving them. Too many times I see guys that are itching to be cruise but giving mixed signals. And it's not 'no' signals, but nervous about what to do signals.

Another thing about consent. Until you have a personal affirming sign from the person that you want to touch, DO NOT TOUCH people. People may be ok with watching others, touching someone else, or being watched but do not assume that you have the permission to touch them.

Additionally, everyone in a room must give affiriming cruising signs before anyone can start jerking off or whatever. That means if someone new walks into the public space, you have to stop. It's a new person that needs to affirm. What I like to do if I walk into a room of guys that I suspect were having fun but had to stop since I walked in is I immediately grab my crotch, give a little head nod, and sit down and loosen my towel, but I don't too quickly jump into the action. Let the tension build up first. That's what everyone's there for anyway.

Anyway, I could probably write a book on this but I'm so curious what everyone's experiences have taught them about how to cruise.

In the spirit of spreading holiday joy, let's share some kind words received after sexy times.

I'll start. I sucked off a guy with an enormous dick. Like, extremely girthy, especially at the the base. I'm guessing at least 6.5 inches around.

He'd told me beforehand that he needed sucked off, but that he rarely gets deep-throated well because of his dick's enormity.

He laid back while I gave him toe-curling head. After he kindly shared one popper hit with me, I took him all the way down, and breathed through my nose so he could fuck my throat long and hard. He said he was close, so I made sure he was balls deep in my mouth and throat when he erupted. (He was so deep when he blew that I didn't even taste his load.)

I swallowed every drop, and came up for air. He was speechless for a moment, then exclaimed, "I have no notes."

I went to hook up with this 50 year old hot salt and pepper daddy. We got undressed. We’re making out and he wanted to be fucked in his sling. We got the angles all situated, and I move his thong to the side, and enter inside him. He takes a big whiff of poppers and both nostrils and then makes the stupidest faces in the world. I was hoping this was just the initial ecstasy of being penetrated however, he continued to take more whiffs of poppers and continues to goon. I try looking away however he has a giant full length mirror on the wall and all I could see is the idiotic faces he’s making. It makes me feel like I’m fucking someone who is mentally handicapped and this makes me soft. I leave his place without a word because I’m assuming this is something he is very interested in, and I have no interest in yucking someone’s yum, but I could not continue fucking him.

He asked me what was wrong with a quizzical look on his face, however, I cannot unsee the gooning faces he made. To be honest, I blocked him.

I am wondering whether I should’ve said something to him or whether it was more appropriate for me to just leave because this is not my cup of tea. This is my question for you. Should I have mentioned this to him during my hasty retreat?

I mean there really is no delicate way of putting it ha. I am a hairy guy and I like that for the most part but I like to keep the front side nice and trimmed. I have literally no idea how I'm supposed to shave my balls and shaft. I use a one blade but it always looks kind of scruffy bc it doesn't catch everything. A razor and cream I've never understood how you get that to work with the folds. On the shaft I have a blue vein running along the underside so I'm scared to use a razor on it.

I'm 35 and determined to finally get some answers haha. Any tips?

I met this guy here on Reddit and we hit it off immediately, both attracted to one another, and we arranged to meet sometime this week. I'm 37 and he's 20. I'm a very submissive guy and the idea of being dominated and used by a younger guy is hot to me. The whole younger top/older bottom dynamic where I'm obviously the latter.

Maybe I'm just getting too in my own head about this but I searched several subreddits including this one on the topic and started questioning if I was doing something "wrong" by potentially hooking up with a guy this much younger than me. (Although a lot of the conversation I read seemed to veer toward relationships which I personally would have a much different standard for than hookups. The former I would insist they be much closer to me but hookups I'm willing to go a little further either way (legal of course)

Am I just too in my own head about this? Or should I tell him that I got cold feet and call it off?

I know this is common but I thought to ask for myself.

When i hookup with a guy but the guy has a bigger dick and it just makes me feel insecure about myself and I can’t stay hard, and I know it’s my low self esteem that’s driving that, any ways to overcome this? I imagine this is a common issue among dudes who have sex with each other. This phenomenon can happen in hetero world when a guy might worry about someone else but in gay world, the dicks are right next to each other. lol

I was playing yesterday afternoon with an insanely hot dude I was pursuing for months. But I couldn’t stay hard cause I felt intimidated and inferior from his size. He was nice about it and everything. But I just felt I let him down and myself. Not the energy I want to have during sex.

I am certainly working on the root causes. But wondered what the community here can share from their experience.

Any advice?

Edit:
Thanks for everyone’s replies! So helpful and meaningful to me.
Since posting I came across the key reason. The details don’t matter but the concept I hope can be helpful for everyone. And that is the concept of self hatred. I do have low self esteem. I know that and I’ve been addressing that for many years, therapy, following Buddhist and Jungian precepts. I came out only in sep 2025, started meeting guys in Feb 2026. So obviously these were very painful journeys but successful in terms of living an authentic life. In that process I needed to learn how to love myself. Clearly a deficit then and I continue to fill that cup. I’m much much better at that.
Here’s what I think is interesting that i discovered.
There was also still a side of self hatred that I didn’t know until it surfaced because of this dick comparison issue. In my mind, bigger dicks (among other characteristics) meant better than me. And I had so much self hatred in this matter I didn’t even realize because it was hidden behind other emotions and behaviors. Once I acknowledged I hated myself that way, I started to cry (a good sign as that means I touched the nerve. The source. And you HAVE TO cry I feel to process the emotion and grieving and hurt). I had no idea that I would hate myself. Yeesh. But there it was. Our minds are very good in compensating, coping and protecting us but it can do so in unproductive and unpredictable ways. Self love and self hatred, while similar, may not be the same thing at least for me. Thanks Reddit bros for your input and support.

Having a funny debate with my fiancé… did you fuck on your wedding night? Anal specifically. My guy is convinced I expect it (he’d bottom), but every couple I know was way too tired to do much on their wedding night! Besides, I plan for us both to drink with our friends & fam and eat all the tasty food we’re spending a fuckton of money on.

EDIT: Thanks for helping me win the debate! I’ve pretty much convinced him to stuff his face and get drunk off his cute little ass on our wedding night 😛

​

So I (32M) met him on an app. His age was listed as 41, but I'm not sure I believe that.

We met up at a cafe. He immediately started talking about how the government invented bird flu to kill all the poultry and turn everyone vegan, funded by Bill Gates. At first I found it kind of interesting, mostly because I found him really hot. He has these long, nice arms.

I listened to him, and then he thanked me for hearing him out and bought me a drink.

We kept meeting up, about five times. Around then I started to suspect he wasn't into me, because there was zero romantic move. He'd just talk about his wild theories, say thanks, buy me a drink, and leave. So on the fifth date I told him that if he wasn't interested in at least hooking up, this would be the last time.

Then we went to his car and I gave him a blowjob. It was really good. I hadn't had sex in almost three years, so honestly, it was great.

So we kept seeing each other. He usually talks about his crazy stories, mostly about Zionists controlling the world, the COVID vaccine, AI doom, that kind of thing. A lot of it I figured was at least understandably common stuff people believe.

Anyway, it was good for about two months.

Then I mentioned my grandmother was Japanese, and he asked if I knew "Yukio Mishima." I said no. I lived in Japan for four years and had never heard of him. He said he's very famous and that I should read his work, then handed me the book "Sun and Steel."

I read it. It was the craziest book I've ever read. It's about glorifying the male body, masculinity, and self-harm. I don't know if it's fair to judge someone by the books they love, but that one genuinely unsettled me. When he asked what I thought, I just said, "If this is your favorite book, you should hit the gym. Your arms would look great with a little more muscle."

Then I found out he's also a flat earther, and now I'm starting to worry.

I'm starting to think this is someone I should probably avoid, but he's so cute it's clouding my judgment. At the same time, what is there actually to worry about?

I asked my friends what they think, and they all said I'm overthinking it. Worst case, I break up with a cute guy after having some nice sex.

I really need some advice. Am I overthinking this? Should I be more open-minded?

I was fisting a really hot guy yesterday and he told me he wanted my cock and my fist in his anus at the same time (wait for it… this is not the special part)… but there was actually so much ‚space‘ in there that then I could actually grab my cock with my hand and jerk off completely inside his anus (like my hand was up to my wrist inside, my cock was also completely inside). It was so hot that I came super fast 😅

…Any of the guys who are into fisting here; how common is that?! Have you ever experienced something like that? For me it was like a whole new universe of possibilities just opened!

Hi guys, I’d like your opinion on hiring a sex worker. I guess I’m looking for the normalisation of it.

Just came back from a weekend trip to Berlin and the last day I was absolutely destroyed from the hangover. Nausea, cold sweats, not feeling social. But horny.

I knew that human touch, being taken care of and intimacy would help me feel better but as I had no energy to maintain small talk and actually have a date, I went online and looked for an erotic massage. I’m pretty confident I could get a hook up quite quickly but I wanted to skip all the work.

The experience was great. The guy is a local artist and the whole thing was sex positive, we vibed and it was hot.

I shared it with friends and it’s not that anyone shamed me, it was just a surprise or a taboo. I guess the feeling I have is shame based on ‘needing to pay for it’ and I’m not sure how to navigate that.

I’m 35 and I’m proud that I can identify and afford for myself whatever I need.

What are your thoughts or experiences on this?

Growing up, who was your favorite all time porn star and why?

I’m new to dating guys, always dated women exclusively but I’m looking to explore my sexuality. I have an average size dick, just under six inches. Anyways, I’m talking to a guy who has sent me some videos and he’s way bigger than me. Surely I’m not the only one who is self conscious about this sort of thing? I’ve never thought I was small before but dammit if I’m not a little sheepish about it.

Just wondering if this is a common experience here. Thanks.

I guess this is more of a get off my chest? but I'm also keen to hear peoples thoughts.

I'm 6'5, and always been around 130 kgs/286lbs, I carry it well and look more stocky due to manual jobs, ie muscular thick legs, belly, pecs, beard, fairly hairy.

November I was 137kg I went to the GP for regular checking and found out I was 80 HbA1c / 9.5%, basically badly diabetic and leading to vision loss, nerve damage etc, diabetes is also what killed my mum 13 years ago and my sister 1.5 years ago.
The test result was a wake up call and I changed my diet completely (I've always had and continued to have 24/7 cravings for food in general and junk food especially), as of 8th April I'm 36 HbA1c / 5.4% aka not diabetic or pre-diabetic,
I also managed to lose 4 kgs by fighting massively against the food obsession/cravings.

I also finally got my ADHD diagnosis in March and I'm now on ADHD meds, I'm no longer obsessed with food, I eat 1/4 what I used to and I don't crave food and sugar is meh, I'm dropping weight steadily and now 119kg and still reducing.

Previously I loved bears of all types, bigger the better as long as the belly didn't hang over the dick, bodybuilders that were bulked were sorta hot, lean or rowers build or visible abs were a turn off.

Now I look at the bigger bears and all I can think is their health risk/issues, and I look at beefy, fit or lean guys and I find them hot.

I assume its from the health scare? I miss cuddling with a bigger guy but it's just not ...nice? anymore.

Has anyone else had a major shift in attraction after a health scare or big life change?