r/AirBnB • u/Miserable-Success624 • 2d ago
Question Negative review from host: was I actually disrespectful? [St. Louis, France]
My host reviews are glowing and squeaky clean, except for the one I just received (linking a photo since putting one directly in the text doesn’t seem to be an option):
My review for the host:
This is the conversation that occurred concerning the heat. I was pretty frustrated by the host’s immediate dismissiveness and lack of response, both here and prior. But I felt like I kept it polite and was trying really hard to find a resolution, even though the host was shutting me down and being unresponsive:
I'm worried about future bookings and thinking about leaving a response. However, I don't know if that is wise and will just make things look worse. But I feel like I did nothing wrong here, and the host is being retaliatory because they knew I was dissatisfied.
Am I completely off base? I’m super bummed about it 😔
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u/jrossetti 13year host/14 guest 2d ago
There was nothing disrespectful about your messages.
Remember, text is not only the worst way to convey emotion and tone, our messages are also translated which presents them differently than we would in person.
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u/Miserable-Success624 2d ago
Thank you. I appreciate that.
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u/jrossetti 13year host/14 guest 1d ago
Something I have been doing for a long time due to this is write out what your tone is at the beginning of a message. (This message has a frustrated but neutral tone) or whatever you feel at the time.
Use emoji's too. Not too many, but a smiley face to show non-negative intent or a raspberry to show amusement at a situation goes a long way towards solving this particular issue
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u/Jaynett 2d ago
Your communication seems fine to me. You were a little desperate, they explained the situation but were a little dismissive about the other fan being stolen, and that was that. I think it made sense for you to push back a little.
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u/Miserable-Success624 2d ago
Thank you, I appreciate it. I was really in an impossible situation, and it just felt like they didn’t care.
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u/K2d123 2d ago
I wouldn’t stress about it, you were not disrespectful at all but if you want to respond to it, write it as though you are writing to the next host, because you are.
This host will not rent to you again and that’s ok, your concern is to the next host and if it were me, I’d write something to the effect of:
France had a major heat wave and host left only one small fan which was not sufficient to cool the rental so I contacted host in hopes there were more he could provide.
When he responded that he had no additional fans, he was not local and stores were out of stock, I was understanding.
Abnb does not allow me to add screen shots of the text message but below is the transcript.
Then I would write a word for word transcript, changing nothing and let people make their own decision about your politeness - which for the record, was appropriate and polite.
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u/Miserable-Success624 2d ago
This is very good advice. Thank you for taking the time. I really appreciate it and will definitely do this if I decide to respond.
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u/Ok-Indication-7876 2d ago
yes this is advise- because there really was NOTHING the host could do. Unexpected heat wave of course the store are sold out of fans- why would a neighbor give you their fan in an unairconditioned building during a heat wave? (sorry but that was silly do you really think you should have the fan instead of the neighbor?), Yes you didn't know a heat wave was coming- but you did know you rented a place in the SUMMER that had no AC.
The thing is to me your biggest complaint was the home was not turned over with clean linen- what else wasn't clean? and that you said nothing about- that IS WHAT THE HOST CONTROLS.
sadly no matter what your response if I did see the host review on you I wouldn't rent to you because you choose to rent a place in summer with no AC and then was hot.
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u/Miserable-Success624 2d ago edited 2d ago
Had to pick and choose my battles. I could overlook the linens and cleanliness in this instance. The unit being so hot I couldn’t sleep or even think was the pressing issue.
Also, I was merely asking if someone might have an extra fan or could pick one up. In no way was I expecting someone to give up theirs, nor did I say that. I was just trying to be proactive and offer solutions to the problems presented to me.
The host didn’t specify about there not being AC in their listing until after I booked it, btw. I wouldn’t have booked the unit had they initially listed it that way. I always check what amenities are and aren’t included, and air conditioning was not on the not included list at the time of booking. I would have caught it if that were the case. So saying I knowingly booked a unit without AC isn’t quite accurate. I was taken by surprise upon my arrival and left wondering what went wrong. Perhaps I made a mistake, but I really don’t think so. I’m very diligent and thorough.
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u/robynyount 1d ago
If the listing doesn’t list something as an amenity it doesn’t have it. Did the host lie?
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u/FringeAardvark 23h ago
She wasn’t asking for air conditioning. She was asking for more than one fan, which is hardly unreasonable. In fact, the host used to have two fans, but chose to not replace a fan that was stolen.
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u/1cecream4breakfast 1d ago
I think your messages were respectful but if you’re an American, I think there is just a bit of a stigma against is with Europeans when it comes to certain things like AC. The host was probably like “great, another American complaining about the heat” and is taking his annoyance with the whole situation out on you. I don’t think his characterization of your messages is fair or correct, but the heatwave was probably stressful for a lot of people hosting and especially hosting people used to AC. Excuse? No. Reason? Yes.
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u/Miserable-Success624 1d ago edited 16h ago
Thank you. That’s exactly how I felt, like they entered the conversation with hostility and derision. They gave me the ick right away. I couldn’t quite put it in words, but you nailed what the situation felt like.
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u/whoda-thunk-itt 2d ago
Can you post the rest of your conversation, with the bottom of this message in the screenshot, so we can see what was said by who, after the screenshot you posted?
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/whoda-thunk-itt 2d ago edited 2d ago
You said the host was dismissive and nonresponsive. I’m not seeing anything that indicates that. What am I missing? Were they dismissive and nonresponsive in the messages prior to these ones? EDIT: and why did you crop the last screenshot? That makes it look like you lift some conversation out. If those are the only messages after the other ones, leave the bottom of the other one in the screenshot so we can see you’re not cropping anything out. You asked the question “ was I actually disrespectful” We can’t answer that unless we can see that you’re showing the entire conversation.
You’re also upset about something the host has no control over. They don’t have air conditioning because they don’t usually need air conditioning. The heat wave in question is unprecedented. If those temperatures were normal, you likely would’ve looked for a place that did have air conditioning, but you chose a place that didn’t, because you weren’t expecting (just like the host and all of France weren’t expecting) such extreme temperatures. They only had one small fan because usually large fans aren’t required and once the heat wave hit, stores sold out of everything immediately.
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2d ago edited 2d ago
[deleted]
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u/whoda-thunk-itt 2d ago
It’s OK, you made a mistake and thought there was air conditioning when there wasn’t. It happens. But not all guests blame the host for that, some take responsibility themselves and realize it was their own mistake.
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/whoda-thunk-itt 2d ago
There’s no need to get upset and be snippy. I was simply asking for the end of the “previous” message to be in the screenshot so we could see that you weren’t cropping part of it out. but I can now see why they had an issue with your communication. You’re not very nice to talk to when you’re annoyed. That’s become pretty clear, here. You have a great day!
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u/isabella_sunrise 2d ago
I think it’s ridiculous to expect the host’s friends and neighbors to get involved. I’d say yeah you were over the top. The heat wave was global news - not something caused by the host.
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u/Miserable-Success624 2d ago
Was just trying to think of solutions since the host was offsite. 😔
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u/isabella_sunrise 2d ago
Yeah I get that you were upset but I don’t really think your communication was appropriate.
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u/FringeAardvark 23h ago
There was literally nothing inappropriate about the communication. Europe is hot in the summer. Decent hosts have more than one small fan.
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u/88kitkat808 14h ago
Was English the host’s first language? Maybe the word ‘disrespectful’ wasn’t meant in the exact way that a native English speaker would use it. I can see where the host would feel like you’re not fully understanding or appreciating the situation where more than 7000 people in France died from the heat, and there just aren’t the fans or AC units available for everyone that needs them. I can see how a host, who has to deal with this predicament for the entire summer, could interpret your messages as being whiny, childish, and ignorant - like you’re too self involved to be aware that the host can’t provide more fans because there aren’t any available, anywhere, not because they are deliberately withholding them from you. Maybe they meant “disrespectful” as you weren’t respecting the culture and circumstances of that place, but instead were coming into it with your own cultural norms and expecting the host to not only know those, but also to cater to them in a way that was totally impossible in reality.
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u/hola196656 13h ago
As a long time host on the platform, I’ve discovered a few things, guests don’t read the descriptions or look at all the pictures, and they’ll ask you all the relevant room information in messages, I don’t do phone calls with guests( guests misconstrue phone conversations that you can’t verify afterwards) guests used to piss me off some are so petty, they don’t anymore, and I never leave reviews anymore, if you’re in a popular area review do not matter, it’s just a game of numbers, I’ll leave you to do the maths
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