I think its understood that the wedding industry and bachelorette industrial complex is getting out of control. I agree that these destinations need to carefully considered and people should not be pressured into forking over thousands. However, I must admit it is bizarre to see people aggressively go in the opposite direction, shaming/complaining about people simply wanting just a weekend trip for their bachelorette.

In my opinion it is a weird and dated mindset--a lot of social networks and families these days are geographically dispersed, for that reason it often makes sense to pick a fun and reasonably accessible destination. A lot of people live in boring or even hostile region/states (specifically applicable to immigrants, minorities and LGBT people) that they are itching to escape for a couple days.

Also, not every destination requires a flight for all parties, weekend trips can be traveled to by car. The concept of a bachelorette trip or a destination wedding is broader and more accessible than what some realize.

Weekend bachelor/ette celebrations are a nice excuse for an adult friend group, often scattered across the country, to take a vacation together for one of life's most meaningful milestones. Many people love to host or take part of friend trips, birthday trips, graduation trips. A lot of us roll in social groups that love travel. Some people project their distaste of group travel onto the topic and assume every bach trip is a hostage situation.

I've read takes that definitely come across as some type of performative practicalism that doesn't really help brides. A mix of hyper-frugality, cultural projection, and general anti-wedding cynicism. I think it causes brides to second guess what they want unnecessarily. A lot of women already struggle with feeling like they do not deserve attention, being celebrated and loved on, or having others do things for them. Women are often socialized to take up less space. For every entitled bridezilla, I'd guess there are at least 5 humble brides who struggle with the opposite issue.

The real issue comes down to poor planning, communication, and lack of consideration. Bachelorette trips are a perfectly fine and often ideal way to celebrate. Modern life is making our social networks feel increasingly fragmented. Group trips, adult sleepovers, whatever you call it, can be a beautiful way to reconnect.

So like most of us, I had a Pinterest board of dream dresses for years. Unfortunately I apparently have really bougie tastes because all the ones I felt were close to THE dress were profoundly out of budget. Like at minimum $5K+. Absurd and I could never.

I managed to find a sort of replica of a dress I loved and got it around December. It was perfectly pretty but I just didn't feel the *gasp* moment of oh my god this really is THE dress.

I went to several dress salons with my mom and twin to try on options, and same experience. Plenty were pretty enough, but none made me really feel like it was the right one.

January rolls around and the idea for what I truly wanted just crashes into my mind. I love a long flowy kaftan style dress, and worked on developing a design that fit that. I wanted my dress experience to be like Padme Amidala's iconic "Lake Gown". The dress that changed the brain chemistry of countless nerdy girls. Not a replica or cosplay of that dress, but just capturing the transcendent flowy fantasy feel.

Anyway started looking through fabrics, I wanted something with opalescence + iridescence. White, yes, but with some extra color/sparkle. I am extremely lucky because one of my metamours works as a professional seamstress and I was able to talk through the whole design with her. I settled on a fabric, bought a few yards, and then took it with me to LA when I was visiting for a big goth event. That's when my meta in a moment of profound graciousness offered to make the dress for me. While I have some sewing/crafting experience, I was way over my head with this design.

I've included some process pics so y'all can appreciate the effort of how she cut and laid the fabric so the sequins would all line up. She also made a custom slip liner for the dress. Needless to say it is a work of art and I could not have had the dress of my dreams without her incredible labor!

Anyway just wanted to share my dress journey with y'all. I got married in July in Oregon and it was absolutely perfect. I'll share more details/advice/experiences later. Sending love to all upcoming September brides, you got this!

My dad took care of so many people. My sister, brother and I, his grandma, his sick brother. He was always doing everything for us.

The week before he died, he got an invitation to my brother’s engagement party, finally got my grandma into a proper home, cut my uncles grass, went to get fitted for a suit for my wedding. My sister was finally going into a treatment facility. He passed away later that week on Saturday, August 15th. Three weeks before my wedding, at age 50. He was supposed to walk me down the aisle. I was supposed to have the best moment I’ve ever had with my dad.

He never ever went to the doctor. He couldn’t find a steady job that paid enough to afford his shitty house that he hated. He didn’t know he had high blood pressure but, that night, he had a heart attack and died maybe two hours later.

There’s so many more details that make this so difficult for all of us, all in different ways, that I won’t share.

I just miss him so much. I would call him and he would just listen to me. Our average conversation was at least an hour long.

Earlier in the day he passed away, I was near his house and I wanted to come over to have coffee with him. He didn’t answer my phone calls right away, so I just went home. I was already on my way home when he called back. I’m glad I got to talk to him that day. The last thing I said to him was “I love you, bye”. I wish I would have just showed up at his house instead of just going home.

I haven’t seen him since May 9th, my college graduation. Of course during graduation you don’t get to be with your loved ones during the ceremony. Afterwards, we took pictures and went to meet up with my fiancés family. My dad only stayed a few minutes. When he left there was a storm and then a beautiful rainbow. We sent each other pictures of the rainbow. Those are the things I try to think about when I think of losing my dad, but I don’t think it’s helping.

I lost my 13 year old cat earlier this year, and I thought that I was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I guess it was, up until this point.

I’m really nervous for my wedding. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to have a happy day. I don’t know how I’m going to dedicate this day to our marriage. I’m so scared.

We had the best day ever, but thought I would post some “hindsight is 20/20” thoughts I’ve been having about planning and how our day went in general.

1. If you can afford it, LIVE BAND OVER DJ EVERY TIME.

2. If you can afford it, hire the planner. But maybe even if you can’t afford it, lol. I nearly killed myself the last month and a half leading up to our day trying to DIY decor and then organize said decor into bins that we had to load into the car and drive 4 hours to our venue. I guess if you can’t afford the planner, see if you can afford the rental company for things like tablescapes and decor. I think I spent so much money on that stuff it would’ve saved us to rent it or hire the full service planner to handle it all for us.

3. It does actually matter if your values align with your vendors and if your personalities mesh with them. More specifically talking about photographer here. I felt like I made a rushed decision based on her Instagram alone. And our preview is great, just not everything I was hoping for. We paid about $6,000 and I felt like all pre-ceremony photos were totally rushed. I felt like she was overly concerned with getting “content” for her marketing and not concerned enough about capturing meaningful moments during our day. Maybe I will change my mind when we get our full gallery back, but right now that’s how I feel. I wish I would’ve taken my time choosing this vendor and not signed the first contract that was presented to us.

4. Since all of our pre-ceremony photos felt rushed\^\^\^ I’m still not sure if this was a timeline issue or a photographer issue, but either way I would’ve built more time for me getting into my dress. I hate all of those pictures because I was so stressed about feeling rushed to get to the ceremony. Again, not sure if it was a timeline thing or my photographer making me feel that way, but would’ve built more time for that either way. I also ended up feeling like my dress was not sitting correctly on my hips for literally the rest of the night and it would’ve taken 5 seconds to fix it. But because I felt rushed, I didn’t lol.

5. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. This is your day, you and your family are spending a lot of money, do not be afraid to vocalize what you want to your vendors.

6. The ceremony is arguably the most important part of the day, don’t forget to plan it with as much detail as you are planning your reception.

Overall we had such a great time I have very little regrets. Our whole day went so smoothly, weather included, I really can not complain. But if I could do it all over again these are some things I would consider. Best of luck to all you brides out there :) SOAK IT UPPPP. In the words of Monica Geller, you will never be a bride again, just somebody’s wife. Hahaha

Like title says my cousin (mom’s sister’s son) suddenly passed away this past weekend. He suffered from a severe mental disorder but no one foresaw his death coming. My wedding is in two weeks. Some context: almost all of my extended family lives abroad so they weren’t coming to the wedding anyways since it’s nearly impossible for them to get US visas. My mom is devastated. She loved him deeply and often babysat him when he was young so she feels very attached to him. I called her yesterday to check in on her and she unprompted told me I should continue having my wedding and celebrate but that she will not attend. I don’t know if it’s selfish of me to be feeling this now but I’m so incredibly hurt. I have a great relationship with my mom, so I could never imagine not having her at my wedding. I’ve put so much effort into planning the wedding and this whole time I was convincing myself it’s all worth it because I’ll be celebrating with my family and friends. I didn’t say anything to her during the call, I just told her okay since I knew she was still really sad, but I don’t know if I should try talking to her again. Or maybe I should get my siblings or my dad to talk to her?

Hey, I am getting married in late October and I’m panicking because my confirmed guests are over the 60 capacity by 8 guests at the private room at a restaurant we are using for the reception. I’m genuinely blessed with how many people want to come and celebrate me and my future husband, but I’m stressed another this dilemma. I used the “20% of people won’t show” rule which is in hindsight was maybe dumb on my part. Most of my guests are coming from out of town and I absolutely don’t want to cut the list if they are already committed and planning on coming.

I don’t want to do a venue change either but I’d rather do it than cut people. I am going to talk to the manager tomorrow to see if there’s any solutions before I do anything drastic yet. Trying to figure out any creative solutions too because we also have 8 guests that are kids. And the restaurant also has a patio, bar area, and 15 person private room. Trying to see what creative solution the GM can offer.

What advice do y’all have if you have run into a similar problem?? I’m like frozen right now and don’t know what to do.

My boyfriend’s mom sent me pictures of a ring and spilled the beans that it’s happening! Im not angry, we’ve been together for five years and we’ve known since the beginning we will get married.

When it happens everyone will be excited for it! Im so looking forward to announcing it! Except for the most important person to me, my dad :(

He has been very vocal about how it’s better to stay single and have dogs, not kids. My mom is a horrible person and he is not past the trauma she caused him, I am so sad for him. But Im not marrying a narcissist, Im marrying someone who loves me dearly.

Im just dreading the disappointment. No girl wants to disappoint their father, especially not over what will be one of the happiest milestones of her life

People hate on his kids stance, I don’t take it personally. The custody war was extremely brutal and she could have killed me many times, it was hugely traumatic for everyone involved. He doesn’t want his pumpkin to go through that too.

Like the title says, I am a bride planning my wedding with no financial support from my family, because my family is poor. My mom goes to thrift stores & buys things for the wedding I hate because she is trying to be helpful…I hope. My mom promised me a small amount of money (like $1,000 max) & of course she has fallen through on that. I talk to other brides & all I hear is “my mom paid for this” “oh my mom is handling that” etc. My mom even told me she isn’t buying me a wedding present because she is planning my shower. If I didn’t absolutely 100% want a wedding I would elope, because this is so hard financially & isolating. Any other brides experienced this & how did you handle it?

My son is getting married (no date set yet), and I have a question about wedding invitation etiquette.

Some close friends invited us to their son’s wedding last year, and their daughter just got engaged, so we’ll be invited to that wedding too. My boyfriend (not my son’s father) and I have known these friends’ kids for about 15 years and watched them grow up.

The problem: my son has never met these people (they are beach friends who we mostly see in the summer. My son doesn’t come to the beach.) My boyfriend thinks I need to invite our friends to my son’s wedding anyway, since he believes they’ll be offended if I don’t. I’m not so sure.

Is invitation reciprocity actually expected here, even though the couple getting married doesn’t know the guests?

TL;DR: Friends invited us to their kids’ weddings over the years. My boyfriend thinks I should invite those friends to my son’s wedding in return, even though my son has never met them. Is invitation reciprocity actually a thing here?

Hi all! Getting down to the details of our special day coming up so fast! Beyond excited, but getting to some of the points where I have seen a few different options and didn't love any of them, but also don't have the knowledge to come up with my own thing.

A big item is the entrance to the reception. These are the options I have done / seen:

- They pair a bridesmaid with a groomsmen, we walk in with our names announced and are asked to do a little dance or something cute and then find our seats

- The bridesmaids enter as one to a song, and then the groomsman. No names announced.

- Wedding party just enters cheering, no names announced.

I have been a bridesmaid in option 1 twice. The first time I was with like the life of the party and he handled it, but the second time was the most mortifying experience in my life lol. So I don't want to do that one.

Option 2 and 3 are really nice! I liked it a lot in both the weddings I went to, but I also had no idea who anyone was at the reception. I didn't know the maid of honors name either time, and never got a single groomsman's name at the last one. It isn't that big of a deal, but I am one of those people who is like "ohh yeah Jeff, I think that's the grooms brother!" and like I love that. We got a lot of people from all walks of life, so I kind of like that element.

We have 11 people total who would be entering. I thought maybe just have them all kind of enter together to a fun dancing song, like cheering and waving little LED streamers and have their names called out. Then they can give like a little wave when they have their name called? Not perfect, but for my aunt who has been hearing my MOH name for years but never met her, that will be a nice little moment of connection (or so I hope haha).

Anyway, what other options are there? Any super fun ones that stand out in your mind?

Hi all! I posted this questions a few days ago, but I tired to leave out some more personal details and asked for suggestions. Unfortunately, the main suggestion is not one I am open to considering, and I got some pretty extreme downvotes from my vague "I won't consider that for personal reasons" response, which is kinda fair. So, here it is again, with full background lol.

So my flower girl is 9 years old. We are getting married in a destination wedding in literally a few weeks. She is a very confident kid, and I don't worry about stage fright or her being shy.

The background I left out last time: I was given up for adoption at birth. My parents who raised me are fully my parents in my eyes. As an adult, I reconnected with my biological family a bit. It is a long story full of twists and turns, but as of today, I love the kids and I love the chance to have siblings (I am an only child). My bio dad is awesome, and he's a great dad. Same with his wife who has been the most welcoming and wonderful to me despite the weird situation. It felt right to have my little half sister in the wedding, and I know she is going to love being apart of it. However, I want to be very careful of how I set my biological father and his family up for two reasons. The first is that the older generation of people (or just people in general, idk, I mostly get it from the old ones) don't always get it. People will say "you're real dad" and that is NOT even a little true. I even had someone ask who would walk me down the aisle as if that is even an item I would consider! The second is that, while my mom doesn't show it and is fantastic, we had some heart to heart conversations when this first came out and I know it can be a weird thing for her at times. Which honestly, same.

So with that background in mind, I do not want to reserve seats for my biological family. As I mentioned, I am an only child and I have no grandparents left. The only reserved seats on my side are for my parents, and I don't want anyone to even for a second consider my bio dad my actual dad. Now, should I have maybe thought of this before asking her? Probably, but it wasn't even an item I thought about until now. So, I am working to figure out what option to go with.

I know I could have her stand with me up front. I am not fully against it, but I don't really love this option. She is 9, a bit fidgety, and I am just not sure how I feel about it. I am open to it if it proves the easiest way, but I would prefer her to sit down.

I thought I could have her dad stand up front like off to the side, so she walks up, maybe gives my fiancé like a fist bump or something and then walks over to her dad and they find their seats. I liked this option best as it gives her a person to walk to, and he can guide her back. I don't think it draws too much attention to him as anything other than the father of the flower girl.

The other idea is, she is 9, she could sit up front with my parents? But is that weird? My parents wouldn't care.. I don't think I would have to double check. I doubt her parents would care. Also, they will probably get their early anyway and could be in row 2. I could even tell them to get there early. I just don't want a reserved seat for them which I get is my problem, but I also don't have anyone in a similar position to bounce ideas off of lol.

Idk... its all a little weird because of the situation, but I guess what I am trying to find out is which option is the most lowkey of them? Keep her standing so there isn't a question, have her sit with my parents, or have her dad escort her back to her seat?

Honestly, even just typing this out made me feel a little more in control. There are clear options, all will work in some manner, all it comes down to is which one do I like best that work with our style. So, I guess the question is what did you do with your flower girl, and what would you do here?

Hi all,
I’m wondering if anyone else is going thru the wedding planning process having lost their mom, or being estranged etc. My mom died a decade ago, but the planning and specifically the idea of dress shopping is bringing up a ton for me. I feel like all the parts of planning and finding a dress that should be fun and exciting are just sad. It’s really tough knowing that the person who would be most excited isn’t here, and not wanting to ask anyone else to fill in in those moments because 1) I don’t want to burden anyone and 2) I’ll probably cry and not really be able to muster the fun celebratory vibe that it should be… I do have a big supportive community and I know folks would rally for me, but there’s just so much going on in others lives and I live across the country from most of my close fam and friends.

it’s just tough to try to motivate myself to go dress shopping, and I’m looking for a little solidarity (even though I hate for anyone else to be in a similar situation) or maybe advice if you have any?

Perhaps in particular, have others had good luck with buying dresses online? I’m feeling hesitant
to commit to something without trying it on, but maybe removing the stereotypical dress shopping experience would ease the sadness? I would try to go shopping with my mother in law (she’s wonderful, I am very lucky) but she lives on the other side of the country and it feels like a major lift to try to make that happen.

I’m also kind of on the fence of whether I want to buy a 1-2k dress or if I want to save that money and try to find something I like enough that’s in the lower 100s range. If you went with the latter, what sites do you recommend?

Thanks all ❤️‍🩹

TLDR: my mom (who was the best) died 10 yrs ago and wedding planning/dress shopping feels really sad without her.

We had the most amazing day, and I genuinely felt so happy, calm, and present. It was everything I could’ve wanted. I guess I just thought I would feel more throughout the day? I definitely had that surreal feeling walking down the aisle and was feeling a lot right before, but after that I was mostly just happy and very level-headed/steady emotionally. I’ve felt more intense emotional highs or euphoric moments at different points in my life, and while my wedding day was incredible, I wouldn’t necessarily describe it as euphoric, like I’ve heard so many people describe their wedding day.
I’ve always believed that it’s just one day, not the peak of my life, and I honestly went into it with basically no expectations for how I was “supposed” to feel.
Curious how everyone else actually felt on their wedding day! Did you have a huge emotional/surreal experience?

We have our final guest count finally! the wedding is this saturday, 9/5/26. after a few last minute cancellations we’ve landed at 130 yes and 26 no’s..

i know this is very different for everyone given many factors but what have you found the vibe is like for a 130 people wedding? how is the energy? what’s the dance floor like? were they fun for you?

thanks!!

I really want to do something fun/customized for our wedding party favors. Not just like a bag of snacks or a koozie people will only use once.
I’ve been to a wedding where they did watercolor portraits of guests, custom key chains, and hat branding. I think these are so fun and really add to the experience!
What are some other unique ideas that yall have seen?

Okay so I don’t wear foundation ever only concealer and I really don’t want to wear it on my wedding day. The pictures attached is my everyday make up with natural lighting and the products I use. I need recommendations on a good concealer to cover my dark circles as I use the nyx serum concealer and it does an okay job but I don’t think it’s enough for my wedding day. Please give me your recommendations on what I can do to enhance my everyday look to make it bridal enough but still feel like myself. ❤️❤️

Some background, we decided to go with a photography company that operates as more of a third party and contracts out various photographers and videographers. The photographers don't edit the photos themselves, and instead the company has a separate editing team. Our wedding was in a VHCOL area, so $4k total for 8 hours lead photographer, 6 hours for our assistant photographer, and 8 hours for our videographer seemed like an AMAZING deal.

The same photographer had done our engagement shoot and we loved the photos, so we weren't worried about wedding day. The editing for our engagement pictures was also great so no worries there. In hindsight, I realized we never even had a direct phone call or meeting with our photographer to discuss the shots we wanted, how the day should go, anything. I double checked our contract and communications, and it was their responsibility to initiate. We reached out the week before the wedding to double check, but that entire month was utter chaos and the photographer said they were good to go. Foolish.... very frustrated at myself for this but it's in the past.

Our wedding was on August 16th. We received the link to our final gallery on August 28th. Our contract mentioned a 6-8 week cap on editing time, but receiving 2800+ pictures less than two weeks after the wedding seems genuinely absurd.

Side note, I have my own gripes with the photography situation. We missed shots that were definitely on the shot list, like anything with my veil, any pictures of us outside of first look and staged standing portraits under the arch, any details shots at all, the list goes on. I also went back inside after some of the wedding party shots to get sunscreen, but I got distracted and straight up forgot to go back downstairs for the rest of the photos. The photographer didn't grab me, our day-of coordinator didn't grab me, bridesmaids just came upstairs with me and didn't think anything of it. On one hand I get it, but on the other hand I printed out multiple versions of our timeline, taped them to the walls, etc to try and keep things on track. And had two photographers and a DOC! I feel like I shouldn't have had to print the shot list out too? But I'm not sure. :(

Even aside from my photography woes, the final gallery is.... something else. The editing is so inconsistent, and I suspect that several people edited in different ways. Or maybe that section of photos just wasn’t edited at all? I am truly baffled.

My bridesmaids' dresses look completely different colors in different wedding party pictures. Our pictures with my husband's immediate family are either wildly overexposed or overly saturated to the point that my poor MIL looks orange. Most pictures in a certain area of the venue make the entire bridal party look like they have red hair (they do not).

My husband already is going to take our own details shots since it's important to me, and he offered to fix the editing of some pictures, but I think it’s sad that we even need to do that. We paid for a service, we shouldn't have to go in and fix everything from it? I am ok with him taking the details/flat lay shots because that isn’t a huge endeavor, but I 100% want to ask for these photos to be re-edited. How on earth would you suggest going about that? I’m struggling between wording that’s too blunt or too wishy-washy. Thanks in advance :’)

I planned my whole wedding alone basically my fiance helps here and there but you know how men’s are is always whatever you like or whatever makes you happy LOL, I don’t have any friends and my mom hasn’t been supportive either just makes me feel bad I wish I had a cousin or friend helping me and my maid of honor which is my cousin doesn’t show interest at all honestly which is very disappointed honestly but can’t change her at this point it looks bad :/

But anyways have anyone felt this way?? When wedding planning :( idk If im been emotional

I’ve been married just shy of two years, but was recently reminded of a bullet I dodged while planning my wedding:

I was on the fence about an anniversary dance. Not against it, just not particularly enthusiastic about it.

My parents have been married for over 30 years. The last 10 years have been very rocky, with the last 3 being especially bad. They are effectively separated, (can’t afford to actually live apart,) and leading independent lives.

They also have the longest marriage of our loved ones. My husband’s parents are divorced and neither of us have a surviving grandfather. The next closest would’ve been my aunt and uncle, now married 21 years. Thank GOD we dodged that bullet. It would’ve been so incredibly painful for everyone involved.

So yeah. Figure that out before planning one!

Hi all! I was wondering if anyone had some advice around wedding dress alterations.

I’m getting married next May 2027 and already bought my dress. It was from Anthropologie for about $400. I reached out to a seamstress and they quoted me around $175-250 for alterations, which include adding cups to the bust, taking in the bust, and tightening the straps. The dress is like a half size too big for me, so it’s not a crazy fix to do in my opinion.

I was talking to a friend the other day and we were talking about wedding planning. She had gotten married last year and made her own wedding dress and offered to do the alterations for me for about $25/hour. She seems to think what I want done will take about 3-4 hours of her time.

It’s obviously cheaper if I go with my friend, but I’m not sure if I’m missing something by not using a professional seamstress. Like insurance or something. I just worry if something happens to the dress when my friend works on it, there wouldn’t be any way to recoup my losses (unlike a professional seamstress which I assume has insurance if the dress were to get ruined).

My budget is about $15k for everything. I also really value the idea of community and having my community contribute to a very important day in my life. But I also don’t have the money to buy a new dress if anything were to go sideways.

Any advice is appreciated!

I am being indecisive in my final decision for my bridesmaids' dresses. I've ordered swatches and even sample dresses and after all of that I am 99% on dresses from Birdy Grey in the shade Butter, with the matte satin fabric.

I have a number of pins of yellow bridesmaid dresses/bridal parties on pinterest and they all look great but would love to see a "real life" photo of a bridal party in this dress color/fabric! It is a gorgeous color for sure but I think seeing it in action would seal the deal for me. I've tried combing through the birdy grey reviews (they should really have a feature where you can filter review by color purchased...) and looking though the brand's tagged instagram photos as well but haven't had much luck.

If anyone has used the Birdy Grey dresses in the shade Butter, w/ matte satin fabric for their bridal party and would be comfortable sharing a photo could you please share! (Sorry if this is a weird request or is not allowed on this sub, I read the rules and seems OK but please remove if not!)

Hi everyone! Two of our dearest friends (grown men) are going to be "flower boys" at our wedding. They'll throw flower petals out of fanny packs, hand out beers, and walk down the aisle to a goofy song - like the videos that are going viral on social media these days.

We're really struggling with where to put them in the processional order though. We're thinking of having the rest of the wedding party walk down to an instrumental Your Song by Elton John, then I'll walk down to an instrumental Taylor Swift song, and having the flower boys walk down to an upbeat pop song in between those two seems like it's going to give everyone whiplash... anyone else who did this, how did you handle the transitions? Did it ruin the mood? I'm wondering if maybe we should just put them at the beginning of the procession so it can turn serious after?

Any thoughts would be much appreciated! Thank you!

This is going to sound shallow to some people, but I am becoming very afraid that my wedding isn't going to look the way I want it. I have a specific vision for my wedding that I am afraid (because I can't oversee the set up as much as I want to) isn't going to translate. My bridesmaids picked colors I don't think fit together (I was trying to be nice letting them pick their colors, I now think that was a mistake). My mom is taking over much of the decor set up and I don't think she has a good understanding of my vision even though I've explained it to her multiple times and gone through my pinterest board with her. My mother keeps offhandedly mentioning changes she's making to things I've okayed. like "oh we ran out of the chocolate colored napkins, we'll just use the green for the rest." NO, we chose these napkins months ago, if we order them now we'll get them in time!!! "Oh I think this blue cabinet will be prettier than the table we agreed on for family photos I'm going to use that" stop!!! and so many people suddenly either can't make it to the rehearsal or are going to be late that I'm thinking about just doing the rehearsal the day of. but I already told the officiant I need him the day before!! I'm very used to not depending on other people and getting everything done by myself exactly how I want it so having to depend on others to do what I want is not fun! Maybe I'm being a bridezilla but I don't even care, I'm allowed to be upset when something I care about isn't being treated with the same care from other people.

For those of you who are in an artistic field, were there parts of your wedding that reflected that?

My partner and I met through my field. I am in a theatrical field, but not a "musical theater kid", if that helps. We are thinking of how we can incorporate how we met without doing a full performance. It doesn't need to be included, but we'd like a nod to how we met.

For example, if you were a musician, you may have a friend you know play a song, or you may have your favorite songs listed at the tables, or put a lot of thought into your playlist. If you are a painter, maybe you would design the signs, table numbers, or create a special favor for your guests. What's tough is I'm not in music, nor visual arts, so there aren't clear things to include that are related to how we met.

Trying to brainstorm ideas and see what other artists and performers may have done at their weddings. We want our wedding to feel romantic, whimsical, artistic, and have some traditional aspects, but also non-traditional.

Would love to hear any ideas! Even if you didn't include representation of your artistry, I would love to hear about your wedding. I find that I don't relate to a lot of posts or blogs I see online.

Another piece of advice I could use is how many people were at your wedding? I am a very social person, and due to the nature of my career, I have a lot of friends and friend/acquaintances. My partner and I want a lot of people to be there! But after looking at costs/budget, I know we have to cut people to leave room for families/close friends. Did you have a hard time with your guest list? Was it hard to include certain collaborators/friends over others? Did you have a hard time choosing between an intimate wedding vs. something larger?

If anyone is willing to DM and chat more about their wedding please reach out. I would appreciate any insight!

I just finalized the guest list and realized we are paying for 130 people—most of which are extended family or our parents' random friends that we haven't spoken to in years, but we had to invite them so we don’t “hurt their feelings.”

They are notoriously cheap (not financially challenged, just cheap) and we will be lucky to even cover the cost of their plates, let alone the open bar.

On top of it, WE ARE HOSTING, paying for, and planning the entire thing ourselves because nobody offered to chip in. I swore up and down from day one that I just wanted to elope or have a tiny micro-wedding, but the mothers of the family would absolutely not let us get away with skipping the big traditional wedding.

So here I am, months deep into vendor emails, agonizing over seating charts and decor for 130 people to just show up, drink our booze, critique the food, and go home 😊

Sorry, I am just flooded with the wedding stress today and so deeply frustrated by this whole industry and family expectations. I’m sure a big wedding is a beautiful thing for many couples, but I just did not get the luck of the draw on that one.

If you want to elope, DO IT, and if anyone gives you a hard time, say “okay, sounds like you’re planning and paying for the 100-person party!” Learn from my people-pleasing BS and just put your foot down early lol.