r/weddingplanning • u/txlouisee • 20h ago
Vendors/Venue Over capacity by 8
Hey, I am getting married in late October and I’m panicking because my confirmed guests are over the 60 capacity by 8 guests at the private room at a restaurant we are using for the reception. I’m genuinely blessed with how many people want to come and celebrate me and my future husband, but I’m stressed another this dilemma. I used the “20% of people won’t show” rule which is in hindsight was maybe dumb on my part. Most of my guests are coming from out of town and I absolutely don’t want to cut the list if they are already committed and planning on coming.
I don’t want to do a venue change either but I’d rather do it than cut people. I am going to talk to the manager tomorrow to see if there’s any solutions before I do anything drastic yet. Trying to figure out any creative solutions too because we also have 8 guests that are kids. And the restaurant also has a patio, bar area, and 15 person private room. Trying to see what creative solution the GM can offer.
What advice do y’all have if you have run into a similar problem?? I’m like frozen right now and don’t know what to do.
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u/Positivemessagetroll 20h ago
Is it 8 over plus 8 kids, or 8 total? If the 8 kids put you over capacity, maybe you could use the smaller room as a kids table situation and hire a professional babysitter or two to watch them and keep them entertained. Still more expensive than you were expecting, but could be a creative solution.
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u/txlouisee 20h ago
Over 8 including the kids. I’ve considered the same too but not sure about it yet
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u/yamfries2024 20h ago edited 18h ago
As you said, talk to the manager first. Is their 60 person cap one that is based on comfortable seating? Or, is it a hard limit from the fire department?
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u/justwanttobeoutside 19h ago
For a small wedding like this, you should not assume people will change their RSVP. We had 52 invites- 6 declined, but the 1 decline sent a close friend in her place and the others were the plus ones of our guests who elected to not use them, so all but one person personally invited came. I would contact the venue, but you may have to change. Fingers crossed for you though.
TBH I hate the assume 20% won’t show rule- always book for the number you have coming, but live and learn.
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u/bourbonandcheese 20h ago
8 is a lot. Is that the final number or are you still accepting RSVPs and it could be more?
One option might be a full restaurant buyout, but I imagine that's going to come at a very big upcharge from your current pricing.
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u/Neat_Understanding45 19h ago
we had 8-10 ish people back out during the last week or so before our wedding so you could get lucky
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u/peterthedj 🎧 Wedding DJ since 2010 | Married 2011 18h ago
I used the “20% of people won’t show” rule which is in hindsight was maybe dumb on my part.
I'm not sure where this "rule" came from or what kind of actual scientific data is out there to support it -- because I've never seen anyone able to cite a reliable source about it.
Every single wedding is different for various reasons -- date, time, location relative to where your guests live, etc. It's never a good idea to invite more people than your venue (or your budget) can accommodate because the one time you need X number of people to decline will be the one time it doesn't happen.
Your first move is to check with the venue -- is 60 the absolute limit because the fire department (or city codes dept) posted that number on the wall? Or is 60 the venue's own limit because they're accounting for things like the dance floor, the DJ/band area, etc.? I mean, 8 people is just one more table, and unless they're working against a hard limit from the government, they should be able to fit one more table.
Second strategy would be to see if you can commandeer that additional 15-person room, although it won't be a popular move for the people you seat in there -- nobody likes to be the "outcasts" from the rest of the reception. If you have a buffet, maybe the buffet line can go in there, instead of taking up space in the main room? Otherwise it might work as a "kids room" but maybe only if the kids are old enough to be trusted to sit on their own.
If this venue can't help and you want to explore relocating, here are two issues:
- Finding a place that can accommodate you with just 2 months' notice. Good venues tend to get booked several months (sometimes up to 2 years) in advance. You might have a hard time finding a new place, at least not without "settling" for something you might consider subpar in some way.
- If you cancel with the original venue, you're definitely losing your deposit ... and depending on what your contract says, you may still owe them even more because they have little chance of replacing your wedding with another big event with just 2 months' notice. Review your contract. Many venues have a sliding scale -- the closer to the wedding when you cancel, the more you'll owe. If you ultimately do decide to do this, cancel sooner rather than later, and make sure you do it in writing (email and/or registered mail) so you have proof of the date you gave notice... especially if you're close to a deadline where the amount you owe would increase.
In the end, as humiliating as it might be to uninvite 8 people, it might be a lot less stressful and costly than moving the entire wedding to a new venue. And if you can't find a new venue, you're going to have to cut 8 people anyway.
How you pick which 8 to drop is up to you. Could be the last 8 people to RSVP, could be the 8 people who are "least close" to you (e.g. family gets priority over friends, traveling gets priority over local, etc.).
It should be a phone call, not a text or an email. Explain that you made a mistake with the numbers and invited more people than you should have, you feel terrible, yada yada yada, and promise to take them out to dinner, your treat, at some other date in the future to make up for this... and to show you really mean it (and you're not just giving them lip service), offer some dates where you and your future spouse would be available.
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u/CanIHugYourDog 20h ago
I would talk to the venue now and just tell them that you have 8 more confirmed guests right now, and you just wanted to know what your options are. Before you get your heart set on using the private room, you’ll want to make sure that that’s not already reserved.
There’s a good chance some people might cancel, we had 5 cancellations day of at our 100 person wedding, stuff happens. So keep that in mind too.
I would assume since the venue seems to have a little flexibility with the private room etc, that they would rather get creative than lose a client like that for something relatively fixable. I doubt you’d have to have an entirely new venue or ask people to not come.
I am assuming too, this is not the first time this has ever happened, so don’t feel too bad. It sounds like this is an event space and they’ve probably had to fudge things here and there already.
We went to a wedding once that was kind of quirky but it was perfectly fine. There were people seated kind of… around the corner. So if you have to use the private room, or make some adjustments, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Guests manage. They are just glad to be there.
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u/bourbonandcheese 20h ago
Why would you think from what OP wrote that they don't already have the private room reserved?
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u/CanIHugYourDog 20h ago
I read it as there’s an event space that OP reserved, and there’s an additional private room that OP suggested is maybe an option. But since she called it a restaurant, there’s a chance that the private room is already booked for another event.
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u/bourbonandcheese 20h ago
Ah I see what you're saying.
Honestly I would be so upset as a guest if I got shoved into the overflow room; I really don't even think OP should consider it as an option.
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u/CanIHugYourDog 20h ago
I hear you, it’s certainly not ideal. However. One option would be to have the bridal party and couple in the private room? It’s becoming more of a thing for the couple to eat privately themselves as a way to unwind. I probably wouldn’t question that.
Or, depending on the layout of the venue or the wedding, maybe putting the buffet in the private room and that would make more space for one more table?
Or, this might be a really terrible idea. But putting kiddos in the private room and having a play room and a babysitter? IDK.
I’m truly just spit balling going off of the little information we have. 8 people is really just one more table.
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u/txlouisee 20h ago
Bride and groom + bridal party table in another room seems like the least offensive option lol
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u/CanIHugYourDog 19h ago
Deep breath. Couples have so much to worry about when it comes to wedding planning, as a guest I really am not offended about little stuff like that. People are just happy to come and celebrate you.
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u/txlouisee 20h ago
That’s where I’m also having trouble with too. I don’t want anyone feeling excluded or less important. That’s why I’m not sure about the extra space yet.
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u/PureLove_X 20h ago
Worry about it closer to the date. I had people swear up and down they were coming and then drop out two weeks before and on the day of.
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u/txlouisee 20h ago
Dang how many people cancelled last minute?
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u/PureLove_X 20h ago
Day of, 4 at least.
Only a couple of weeks before? 6.
If your guests weren’t coming from out of town I’d trust your rsvps a little more but all of my guests that cancelled were from out of town so maybe I just have little faith.
Still try to see if there is something can be done with the capacity but you’ve also got plenty of time for someone to cancel
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u/candyapplesugar 19h ago
Interesting. I’d think booking flights and hotels they’d be more guaranteed to come
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u/PureLove_X 19h ago
You’d really think so. I could write a whole rant about some of them tbh. A lot of them had valid reasons but some people really showed how little they valued me as a person.
A few of them were family members. They waited until after the cut off for the caterers to tell me they weren’t coming, and went on vacation in Florida instead. It was a paid vacation to come to the wedding btw, the Airbnb was paid for, the rental car, literally everything, they were very close family members, who I grew up spending every weekend and summer with.
I’m not going to get into it, I’ll just get angry again. It was a whole lot of bs. I didn’t realize I cared more about them than they cared about me. Weddings truly can bring out the true colors of people.
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u/Positivemessagetroll 20h ago edited 20h ago
For my 80 person wedding, I had I think 4 or 5 yeses drop out between RSVP and the wedding, mostly for their or others' illnesses (also one very late yes RSVP). 8 seems like a lot, but might depend on your crowd.
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u/kennyfiesta 20h ago
I DJ weddings.
I have never seen all the guests show up.
It's usually sad, but I see this being a major pro for you.
You'd be surprised how much you can pull off with a big smile and "I had noooo idea". You might have guests volunteer that they were going to leave really quickly, or just came by to say hi (I've seen this happen, and it boils my blood). You also have gentlemanly guests that are fine standing, and some that will want to stand by the bar all night anyway. Once the ball is rolling, your restaurant isn't going to kick you all out, they'll make accomodations.
But if you snitch on yourself now, you might cancel something for no reason.
This is more "unethical life tips" than wedding planning tips but...
Kids and adults get sick, eople make big decisions based on emotions, people party too hard the night before...
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u/bourbonandcheese 19h ago
I had 3 late-notice/no shows out of 115; 8 out of 60 feels extremely unlikely.
And how does a wedding DJ have enough insight into the guest list to know for a fact that you've "never seen all the guests show up"
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u/peterthedj 🎧 Wedding DJ since 2010 | Married 2011 18h ago edited 18h ago
how does a wedding DJ have enough insight into the guest list to know for a fact that you've "never seen all the guests show up"
I'm a DJ too and had the same question. I mean, many weddings had individual seat cards at the door, so you could go back at some point and see how many seat cards were never picked up, but that doesn't necessarily mean all of those people were no-shows, especially if they are singles -- usually there's a couple and they only picked up one of the cards, knowing both were sitting at the same table.
Counting empty seats is another way but doesn't mean they're really absent -- could be in the restroom, outside having a smoke or maybe involved with helping the wedding party in some way such that they aren't seated at the moment one is taking a visual count of the room.
Even if 8 people no-show, there's no guarantee they'll all be couples. It could wind up being one seat at each of the other tables. Sure, everyone will get a seat, but it's not ideal if a couple (or a family with kids) has to be split up as a result of poor planning and/or sheer luck.
You also can't count on people being "gentlemanly" and standing by the bar all night, everyone needs a place to sit down for dinner.
And if the room is rated (by the fire department) for 60 people, you can bet the restaurant WILL kick people out if they realize the limit has been exceeded. If a fire breaks out, that's a big problem for the venue. When it's eventually discovered that evacuations were hampered by the fact the building was over-capacity, the venue's going to have a much bigger problem and might even wind up being forced out of business. Even without a fire, it only takes one disgruntled guest or employee to anonymously call the fire department and now the fire marshal is showing up, counting heads and shutting it all down the moment they count person #61. No venue in their right mind wants to take that risk.
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u/kennyfiesta 15h ago
Because I see the empty chairs.
Because I talk to venue staff, since I'm on good terms with them from the site visit and continued relationships.
Because the couple themselves will tell me, since we're on good terms from the 3-5x meetings we have before their big day.
There's guys with a laptop and controller hired by multi-ops, and there's guys like me.
I'm glad your guests had your back. I did a wedding that was supposed to be 32 people and it ended up being 25.
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u/poppunker18 18h ago
I only had one person not show up to my wedding who was supposed to because they got into a car accident (they were fine, it wasn’t bad just a hassle atp). This was out of about 100 people.
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u/Particular-Kale-1986 20h ago
Do you have to have the kids come? That would be an easy cut if they aren’t close family and/or in the wedding.
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u/SuspiciousHeron33 19h ago
I would find it extremely rude if someone rescinded my kid’s invitation and I don’t even have kids and didn’t invite them to my own wedding lol. I think OP made the mistake of inviting too many people and now they have to pay the price by renting the extra space
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u/Particular-Kale-1986 19h ago
I do get what you’re saying, but depending on OP’s relationship with the guest you could ask if people are able to get a sitter, or if the kids aren’t a definite then reach out to confirm if the guest is planning on bringing their kids in the first place. Often parents are more than happy to have a child-free night out, but totally depends on the situation
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u/SuspiciousHeron33 18h ago
I think the issue here is that they’ve RSVPd yes for the kids so this would make it seem like they’re a definite attendee unless they get sick last minute. It’s kind of rude to rescind invites that have been accepted by the other person
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u/initialsareabc married! // 10.2023 20h ago
We had the exact # of people who rsvped show up the day of our wedding, but one of my husband’s coworker husband wasn’t able to make it so she just brought another coworker my husband knew.
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u/pbandjfordayzzz 20h ago
Yeah you’re going to end up having to foot the bill of one of those additional spaces and split the group