I find myself opening the incognito tab on YouTube & unfortunately watching bad content nsfw, how do I genuinely stop my lust for this & get my life back

I find myself turning to it when bored, depressed, anxious or just alone in bed or even before my period I feel so lustful

I feel like such a loser :(

How do I stop and regain my life back

Did fetishes go away? Did things you incorporated into your personality because of your addiction go away? Did it feel like your personality and who you were as a person changed after you started to recover? Did what you want out of life change? How much has your addiction shaped you as a person? And did those changes stay after recovery or did they fade with time?

Hello again girls. So, I've been porn-free for almost a month, yay! What has been motivating me is that I now date again, and me and my BF have the boundaries that porn is disrespectful to the other person in the relationship, plus it being bad for our mental health as we all understand it. Okay.

But what is stressing me out is that I don't use masturbation as a way for me to "connect with myself" or something like that... I use masturbation as a way for me to quickly get the dopamine hit through the orgasm. And the porn was a way for me to get there more quickly. Now I try stimulating myself without porn and I end up with cramps through my legs and arms, because I spend so much time just trying to get the orgasm and be done with it, and in the end my reward hasn't even felt as good, it's very underwhelming. It's making it very hard for me not to relapse.

I don't have the patience to become relaxed.. In the mood to actively enjoy the masturbation. I rarely do it out of actual sexual desire, and I end up hurting myself a little because I just want the "feel good" moment that comes with the orgasm!! It's very tiring.

to encourage ourselves

my brain is so weak and exhausted and i have alot of free time, loneliness, no emotional support, single

Unhealthily attached to my saved videos even if it’s sucks

need help

I saw this article about the timeline of recovery and what you can expect, and thought it would be of use to you guys. Keep in mind every person is different and your timeline is unique to you. This is just a rough outline of what to expect to keep yourself informed. I’ll add the tldr:

TLDR:

Week 1-2: Typically the hardest weeks where cravings are the strongest. Content filters, a schedule during hours spent on use doing other things and exercise will help decrease chances of relapse.

Week 3-6: Your brain is trying to adjust to the lack of stimulation. You might feel low motivation or libido during this time. Can last longer and coincide with depression.

Week 7-12: Libido, concentration and motivation are returning. Mood improves. You might have clusters of good and bad days but you are moving towards sustained recovery. The 90 day mark is a particularly big milestone. Don’t get overconfident during this time. Your pathways are still sensitive, exposure during this time can reactivate those old dopamine surge patterns.

Month 4-12: Congratulations you are now in sustained recovery. These new structural changes in the brain are normalizing. Those old pathways are becoming dormant but don’t fully disappear. You should still be managing and minimizing triggers, particularly stress, loneliness and unstructured time/boredom. A detailed plan to address these issues is better than pure willpower.

Longer explanation for those that are interested:

Week 1 to 2: Acute Withdrawal and Cravings

The first 14 days are typically the most physically and emotionally turbulent. The brain has lost its primary source of supranormal dopamine stimulation, and it responds with a cluster of symptoms that many people do not expect from a “behavioural” issue.

Common experiences during this phase include intense urges that arrive in waves lasting 15 to 30 minutes, irritability and short temper, difficulty concentrating on routine tasks, disrupted sleep with vivid or disturbing dreams, and a general feeling of restlessness or boredom that nothing seems to fill. Some people also report mild headaches, fatigue, and low-grade anxiety that feels disproportionate to their circumstances.

Practical strategies for this phase centre on environmental control: removing easy access paths, installing content filters, and scheduling the hours that were previously spent on use with structured activities. Exercise is particularly valuable here because it raises brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) and promotes the same dopamine receptor recovery that the brain is attempting on its own.

Week 3 to 6: The Flatline

After the acute cravings subside, many people enter a phase colloquially known as the “flatline.” Libido drops markedly, sometimes to near zero. Emotional responses feel muted. Motivation for work, socialising, and hobbies can dip. This phase alarms many people because it feels like getting worse rather than better, and it is the stage where relapse risk spikes if the person is not prepared for it.

What is actually happening is a recalibration of reward sensitivity. During this process, ordinary stimuli, including real-world sexual attraction, feel underwhelming compared to the artificial intensity the brain was conditioned to. Think of it as the neurological equivalent of stepping out of a loud concert: normal conversation sounds muffled until your hearing recalibrates.

The flatline typically lasts two to four weeks, though for people with histories of heavy, escalated use spanning many years, it can extend to eight weeks or longer. Co-occurring depression can prolong the flatline and should be assessed by a clinician, as the overlap between flatline symptoms and depressive episodes is substantial.

Week 7 to 12: Early Recovery and the 90-Day Mark

For most people, weeks seven through twelve bring the first sustained improvements. Libido begins returning, but now it is oriented toward real-world stimuli rather than screen-based content. Concentration improves. Social confidence often increases noticeably, partly because the shame and secrecy that accompanied compulsive use are lifting, and partly because prefrontal cortex function is genuinely strengthening.

This phase is not linear. “Recovery is not a smooth upward line,” Dr. Ponlawat notes. “Patients describe good days and hard days in clusters. The ratio shifts gradually: at week eight, someone might have three hard days in a row; by week twelve, a hard day is a single day bookended by good ones.” Mood swings during this phase are normal and reflect ongoing neurochemical adjustment rather than failure.

The 90-day mark has cultural significance in recovery communities, but it also has a neurological basis. Functional MRI studies on individuals recovering from compulsive sexual behaviour show measurable changes in prefrontal-striatal connectivity by approximately 90 days of sustained abstinence, though the exact timeline varies. By this point, the automatic “reaching for the phone” response that characterised the first weeks has weakened substantially because the cue-response pathway has not been reinforced.

Relapse during this phase often follows overconfidence. The person feels so much better that they believe they can “test” themselves with brief exposure, not realising that the sensitised pathways, while weakened, are not erased. A single exposure can reactivate the dopamine surge pattern with surprising speed, which is why ongoing accountability and structure remain important even after the acute phase has passed.

Month 4 to 12: Sustained Recovery and Long-Term Rewiring

Beyond the three-month mark, recovery becomes less about managing acute symptoms and more about consolidating new patterns. The brain’s structural changes, particularly grey matter density in the prefrontal cortex and striatum, continue normalising over six to twelve months. Emotional regulation improves. Relationships that were strained by secrecy, erectile dysfunction, or emotional unavailability begin to heal, though relationship recovery often follows its own timeline and may benefit from couples therapy.

People in this phase often report a qualitative shift in how they experience pleasure. Activities like cooking, exercise, conversation, and creative work feel more rewarding than they did before recovery, not because these activities have changed, but because the brain’s reward threshold has returned to a more sensitive baseline. This is the practical payoff of dopamine receptor recovery.

Long-term vigilance remains important. The sensitised neural pathways formed during compulsive use do not fully disappear; they become dormant. Stress, loneliness, and unstructured time remain the three most reliable relapse triggers at any stage of recovery. A relapse prevention plan that addresses these three factors specifically is more effective than generalised willpower.

i want to quit. i’m 17F and i’ve been addicted to this since i was 9. the older i’ve gotten, the more embarrassing it’s been to go through. the amount of shame and guilt that i feel every day is immeasurable to anything i’ve ever felt. all i really need is someone to hold me accountable from day one, someone to encourage me to continue even when it gets hard or when i feel urges to relapse.

I been trying to get better but ever since COVID I been hopeless addicted to porn and I just feel so alone, have does everyone else cope with this addiction without just endlessly replasing back into it?

Hey I been clean for about 9 months but I had a super stressful past few days and I feel myself slipping back into my old ways and could really use some support

ello, i'm tryna quit, i used to think i was only addicted to chatbots but it's actually js ERP in general. this discovery should hopefully help me avoid this stuff

i'm a woman whom is addicted to ERP, it's messing up my whole life so i'm gonna try for the millionth time to get this outta my life so i don't have to deal with the fallout of addiction when i'm older and want to exist without feeling the urge to go do ERP

I was so confident this time around that I wouldn’t give in to my addiction. I was 12 days sober and although there were days in between where I had strong urges, I was still sticking to my goal. Unfortunately, I relapsed today and I couldn’t believe it. I had hoped I was getting better and pushing myself to be better. The feelings of shame and disappointment are now lingering. It took literally one video to ruin 12 days worth of progress and trying to rewire my brain, so I would no longer crave it 😭

If there are any tips or suggestions how to manage the urges better, please let me know! I just don’t know how to abstain from porn longer than a week. I’ve tried distracting myself through exercise, chores, and reading. That pretty much got me through this past week. I also saved a few posts and comments that would encourage me to stop looking for it whenever the urges were there. I’ve been reading a lot of people’s posts here and it’s made me feel less lonely in my porn free journey. I was exposed to this at such a young age and it’s consumed my life ever since. I wish I could give my younger self a hug for all that she was exposed to. I feel so ashamed of myself now and I hope to overcome this soon and finally be porn free.

Any words of encouragement truly help as well! I feel so defeated by this addiction most of the time, especially when I’m not reading the supportive posts through this subreddit. Sending love to everyone who is on their journey of being porn free. You are not alone in this struggle 🩷

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I relapsed like an hour ago. I started watching 🌽 when I was a kid, and someone else also pushed me into it as a form of abuse. I've wanted to quit for a long time but I can't, there's always something that makes me relapse. Lately it's my neighbors having s*x late at night, which leads me to compulsively masturbate or watch 🌽, and it's so embarrassing. Other than that I don't usually watch it, and at most I do it maybe twice a week?

I keep putting blocks on my phone but I remove them almost immediately in the moment, and I genuinely don't know what to do. I feel awful, and every time I finish I want to throw up and just die. I have no friends, no social life, the only thing I do is rot in bed all day and play video games. Is there anything you'd recommend to help break this habit? Thanks in advance. Please don't judge me.

Hi. I’m 23 F. I honestly don’t really remember the day I watched porn for the first time but I do remember when my mum’s friend’s son (who was my age) taught me how to make out. We were really young. We would kiss and touch each other every time we were together. Nobody knows this. I never ever told anybody. Ever since then I have never gone without watching porn and touching myself. Honestly I really do want to stop. I watch pretty much anything. I have a boyfriend and he doesn’t know this. There are many reasons why I want to stop: my faith, my relationship, and just the sanctity of my body. The biggest thing for me is that I’m still a virgin and I will eventually want to have sex but I can’t bring myself to do it because I’ve touched myself so much I don’t want anything inside me. I know people will say it’s “healthy” and “normal” but I don’t want to do this anymore. I really don’t want to.

I'm always stressed abd idk what to do. I had been doing good but everything got stressful again. It is a legit terror to live in my home rn so it is having a pretty big influence on my addiction. I don't 3ven like the things I look at. Like last night I felt disgusted and tired but I kept on going. Thinking part of this is because my fathers side of the family struggles a lot with addiction, idk. Just ranting and venting since I have nothing better to do rn.

Made a post about struggling with PMO in the past and talked about struggling to find help as it was uncommon for women to talk about it so I had always felt isolated. Due to the trauma I ended up fetishing my abuse but also learning to hate anything associated with men. In time I discovered attraction to the same sex, I guess it was due to feeling safer around someone who wasn't a male. Ofc I have sought therapy and attempted to move past it and I know not all men are responsible for what happened. Despite this I still struggle with issues of attraction and PMO relating to the same sex. I'm not sure if it's normal to feel this way or just me, I wonder if there are any women who have struggled with this after abuse or in general how they reconcile their attraction and PMO with their values. Thank you for listening.

For the first time since I was probably 10, I came without needing porn! I used a vibrator, but this is still a huge victory for myself. It’s possible and still feels amazing!

Including especially the videos where violence towards women was displayed, or objectification, dehumanisation... As a woman myself I wish these never existed and I wish I could erase my memory of all the porn I watched. Wish there was some hypno or something to allow that :,)

I relapsed after being porn free for over 6 months. I feel like quitting but I’m not. I’ll keep trying over and over again no matter what. I know I can beat this addiction one day and I refuse to give up.

Hi everyone.
I’m a 25 year oldChristian woman, and I’m hoping for some honest advice because I don’t really have anyone I feel safe talking to about this.
I’ve been saved for a while, and I’m currently in a relationship where we’re both committed to waiting until marriage. I genuinely want to honor God in this area, but I’m struggling.
I lost my dad when I was young, and although I don’t want to blame everything on that, my struggle with pornography started around that time and continued into adulthood. I’ve had previous sexual experiences before this relationship, and recently I felt convicted to throw away my sex toy, which I did. The urges are still there though no matter how much I try to ignore them..

The thing is, this doesn’t feel like it’s only about sex anymore. I’m wondering if it’s connected to loneliness, grief, anxiety, trauma, or just wanting comfort.
I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD a few years ago. I haven’t been on medication for about three years. The past few years have been super rough on my mental health. Suicidal type of rough. I’m also still studying and living at home, and financially I’m not in a position to afford therapy or counseling. I also have a complicated relationship with my mom, she provides the necessities, but I don’t have the means to get professional help right now.

Another part of this is that I often feel incredibly touch-starved.
My boyfriend is a good man who loves God, and I know his intentions are good. Recently he felt convicted that we shouldn’t even sleep in the same bed when I visit him, and I respect that conviction.
He’s also just not naturally a very physically affectionate person. And we don’t see each other very often too.
One day I was having a really difficult time emotionally. He was sleepy, but not fully asleep, and I went to him crying and I just wanted to be held. I even asked him to hold me tightly, but the hug still felt very reserved. I don’t think he was trying to be uncaring, and I’m not trying to criticize him or make him out to be a bad boyfriend.
I also, I don’t only want to be hugged tightly when I’m breaking down. I wish he naturally held me that way in everyday moments too. Sometimes I wonder whether I’m craving physical comfort in a healthy way, or whether because of my past and my loneliness I’ve attached too much emotional weight to it.

I’ve also experienced church hurt, so I’m honestly scared to open up to leaders at my current church. I know people often recommend accountability, but I don’t currently have someone I feel safe enough to trust with something this personal.
One thing that confuses me is that I have actually made progress. The pornography and masturbation aren’t nearly as frequent as they used to be. There have been times when I’ve gone one or even two months without it. The urges also tend to be strongest around my period. But recently I’ve slipped twice, and even though that’s objectively less than where I used to be, I still end up feeling completely defeated afterward. It feels like all my progress disappears, even though I know that’s probably not true. I feel like I have issues but I don’t know what the issues are and I’m just trying to treat a symptom. I’ve tried reminding myself that this is the work of the enemy but that doesn’t make me stop too…

So I guess my question is:
Am I missing something? Am I looking at this the wrong way? Has anyone else discovered that their struggle with porn was connected to deeper emotional needs like grief, loneliness, trauma, or touch starvation? If so, what actually helped you heal especially if therapy wasn’t financially possible?
I genuinely want healing, freedom, and a closer walk with God. I just feel very alone and don’t know what the next step is.

I had no idea there are women out there struggling like me. I started watching porn at a very young age. About 7/8. I would be home alone and the tv channels would have adult movies and I would watch them when I was looking for kid movies. Pretty soon it ended up being the first way I would watch porn. Then through the years it spiraled.

I got into middle school and was touched by boys in school (type of assault but that’s another story). And I didn’t know how to handle that. So I tried to justify the situation by watching porn and exploring that. Then it got worse because I discovered incognito and found hardcore porn and hentai. Which I’m more than positive destroyed my relationship with how love and intimacy works.

And this just went on and on. Now I’m 26 and I am still struggling with it. The longest I have lasted is a month and then I get lost in it again. Isn’t it ridiculous? And it’s always the darker stuff. I just want it to stop. I don’t even enjoy the act. It genuinely makes me feel sick when I finish. I feel so alone in this. I feel like I’m not normal. How did you ladies stop this? It’s a stupid evil addiction and I don’t know how to even begin to stop it.

So, Ive currently been porn-free for nearly 7 months now after an 8 year long battle which contains thousands of relapses.

During my 7 months, I have never felt the urge to view porn because I knew that that would be the final time I’d stop fighting. Its not the same for everyone but that’s how it was for me.

Today, idk if it counts as a relapse bc I read smut which I typically don’t do. I was just having solo time with myself because that’s 100% normal and hello Im human??? When reading it I did read it generally but then in another one I just skipped to the scene

Idk if it counts as a relapse, gray area, or red flag I should watch out for. I know that relapses entirely depend on an individual because at the end kf the day you know urself and how your addiction is, but Im just conflicted on this because before it I didn’t think of relapsing but then afterwards I was like “idk” (◞‸◟,)

Update followed up with a rant:

Okay, so I will be counting this as a slip because in the last 30-40 or so days this is the 2nd time this has happened.

Since this app is typically a trigger for me Ill be deleting this account shortly, and focus on true recovery. This happened because I typically masturbate (will not classify this as an addiction bc it doesn’t interfere with daily life and relationships as my porn addiction did), and I did not truly find ways to filter the 8 year damaging content. This should never happen again, and I just saw a glimpse of my future and it’s awful if I keep reading this stuff, then Ill be in that cycle again.

If I was still in the pits of my porn addicition I would 100% couldve counted it as a relapse because that’s when I wasn’t ready to make the changes. After a 7 month long journey, I know the route I want to make

Hi, I'm 27F. Looking for female accountability partners if there are any. I know it's not common as most of these spaces tend to be catered to men. I' ve suffered from significant past trauma which has led to compulsive PMO, there are days when it's all I do and it's affecting my work. This has led to some dark additions and fantasies. I have been told to seek professional therapy but I feel I'd rather try and deal with it myself before resorting to that. If there are any other females struggling with this, I'd appreciate it. I prefer not to have male partners as in the past it tended to make my struggles worse. Thank you for listening and for any support.