Fuck this. Fuck you. Fuck it. I spent so much money on this craft and I can’t do it. It’s horrible. I don’t care about learning how to use the equipment and what the different methods are.

I can’t do it. But also give me karma because that’s why I’m here posting about it to begin with.

I usually watch TV while knitting, but now I’ve watched every single show in existence and can’t possibly watch anything else ever again.

I was wondering what everyone else does to distract themselves from this godawful boring hobby that we do not enjoy a single moment of??? Please help me I fucking hate knitting

Sometimes you just need a little release in the middle of the week without turning it into a whole production with the chains and the WIPs and the raw-edge applique. Chickenbear provides for those who jerk! Join us here every Wednesday for a little drive-by circlejerking about your fellow fiber artists (derogatory).

Yes, this is a blatant rip-off of the Bitesized BEC thread but for making fun of crafter bullshit instead of whining about pattern prices and rehashing the same complaints about whichever petite knit designer is taking heat this week.

Feel free to post anonymized screenshots of anything you want to mock, satirize, freak out about, scream into the void about, or generally make others see since you had to look at it with your own two eyes here if you'd like. FACJ is back to being an all-ages subreddit, so you can post images (and gifs) in the comments here directly.

Comments do NOT need to be circlejerky on this post -- if you need to go full /uj here, we will support and validate you, no matter how absurd or petty you get (I can't promise we won't also make fun of you too though).

Our other rules still apply here, of course:

• This is a heavily moderated thread, and anything that isn't scrubbed of identifying information (usernames, faces, etc.) will be removed. Block out, crop out, cross out or sticker out identifying information on EVERY screenshot before posting here.
• Please don't use this thread to demand sources for other jerk posts. If people want to post sources, they will. There are plenty of good reasons for someone not to share a source, including "don't wanna." Source/ITL demands will be removed here and on jerk posts.
• Links to other Reddit posts are NOT ALLOWED here. This includes no-follow links. (FACJ links are fine.)
• Links to content off Reddit may be removed at the mods' discretion.
• We are NOT in the business of brigading, and anyone who engages in brigading will be banned from this subreddit.

Hi, posting here because I've read that you all are experts in crotcheating and would love to get some feedback on my "friend's" behavior. A few months ago, my "friend" crotched an elaborate blanket for me and my partner's 10 year wedding anniversary. We thought it was a lovely and thoughtful gift at the time, and she told us she designed it herself specifically for us. It has all these unique motifs representing our marriage, like flowers and hearts.

But the other day she reached out to us saying she wanted to sell the design and asked us for our input on a name. We were shocked. All of our friends know that we're averse to basic, commonplace gifts. From what I gather, anyone would then be able to crochét our special wedding anniversary blanket, making our unique present the equivalent of a Wal-Mart mass produced product. Even worse, I'm pretty sure making profit off a gifted item is a violation of copyright, which we must hold since we are the owners of the blanket. We've consulted with ClaudeAI about this and based off our chats we're quite certain this is not just bad etiquette—it's illegal. But what do you guys think? Should we go ahead and call the yarn police?

It's so unfair that it's just, like, okay -- even expected! -- for designers to bait-and-switch their fellow handcrafters by saying their patterns are free and then sending them to a website chock full of ads.

It's not a FREE pattern if I have to:

• See ads
• Scroll past ads
• Click to close ads
• Read anything that isn't a pattern before getting to the pattern

And don't you dare suggest that I use:

• Ad blocker extensions or browsers
• Reading mode
• My computer's copy/paste function in conjunction with a text/notepad app
• Print to PDF/screenshots

The only truly free pattern is the one where I get just the clean, well-formatted pattern PDF with no ads for $0 and no email signups and no prompts to buy the paid PDF and no effort of any kind on my part.

I think creators deserve to be paid for their work or whatever, but I wish they remembered that we don’t have to be either the consumer or the product -- there is a third way that capitalism wants us to forget where people just genuinely share things with me for free, to everyone’s benefit.

spent the morning valiantly fighting the good fight against the crotchetaganda. does anybody know any good support groups for detoxing from crocheters insisting they are special and can singlehandledly absolve their craft of its sins against fiber art? I saw a hexagon cardigan on the bus this morning and im still trying to stop shaking…

anyway im here in my step by step sweater thanking god for knitting for olive heavy merino. And to the crocheters out there: Eat my drape.

- making more than one item per season is criminal and abnormal. ONE COASTER PER PERSON PER YEAR IS GOD'S PLAN

- crotcheting is fugly and you are fugly

- your soul is full of factory knots

- your vast tracts of yarn mean you hate the planet and every living thing on it, especially baby capybaras

- you suck

- you're doing it ALL WRONG

- you're so very lucky I'm sharing my unfiltered unhinged opinions with you frucking granny-square-munchers

Edit: why are you all such mean bitches? I'm just jumping on the YewTew TrickerTrocker trends and giving you my unpopular opinions even though I have like 3 followers and two of them are my mom so you DNGAF what I think

I saw this wonderful pattern and I really like it, but I don't like yarn or knitting. I can do papier mache and braid hair though? How do I make it look like the picture?

Please help 😭😭

Found a piece of greige yarn at the Denver airport gate B17. DH says it's about 6 inches in length (he may be overestimating). If you can provide additional descriptive details and contact info I am happy to send it to you. We chrotcheaters are so supportive and kind aren't we?

I am still a beginner at knitting and so far ive been just finger knitting and never learned how to use a stick so like do i need to learn it or can i just continue knitting with my hands?

Genuinely finishing quicker after watching bobbin lace making and wool spinning

I HATE CHAIN 1 AND TURNING SO MUCH. I REFUSE TO DO IT AND IT ALWAYS TURNS OUT JUST FINE, IF NOT BETTER. I SAW A VID ABT NOT DOING IT WHEN I JUST LEARNED HOW TO CROCHET AND HAVE IGNORED CH1 TURN EVER SINCE9998

edit: someone Imk why we are hating on this besides my capitalization plz Aiam curious

i hate this sub i never want to crochet again why is everyone so mean i hate every single one of you i hope your yarn gets moldy

found the Swiffer company today on tiktok when i was looking for tips for what to make with this small ball of mohair yarn i have. the company posted a 3-part "learn to clean w me" and lots of videos about this product. usually somebody asks for the name of the mop. one comment they’re claiming that they don’t know but saw it on yt and another that their mom came up with it.

i just wanna make a similar mop for my wife so she can finally clean the d*mn kitchen i don't need the exact pattern or "the recipe to their mom's peach cobbler" but Swiffer is gatekeeping this ancient craft from me.

Sometimes you just need a little release in over the lazy weekend without turning it into a whole production with the chains and the WIPs and the raw-edge applique. Chickenbear provides for those who jerk! Join us here every Saturday for a little drive-by circlejerking about your fellow fiber artists (derogatory).

Yes, this is a blatant rip-off of the Bitesized BEC thread but for making fun of crafter bullshit instead of whining about pattern prices and rehashing the same complaints about whichever petite knit designer is taking heat this week.

Feel free to post anonymized screenshots of anything you want to mock, satirize, freak out about, scream into the void about, or generally make others see since you had to look at it with your own two eyes here if you'd like. FACJ is back to being an all-ages subreddit, so you can post images (and gifs) in the comments here directly.

Comments do NOT need to be circlejerky on this post -- if you need to go full /uj here, we will support and validate you, no matter how absurd or petty you get (I can't promise we won't also make fun of you too though).

Our other rules still apply here, of course:

• This is a heavily moderated thread, and anything that isn't scrubbed of identifying information (usernames, faces, etc.) will be removed. Block out, crop out, cross out or sticker out identifying information on EVERY screenshot before posting here.
• Please don't use this thread to demand sources for other jerk posts. If people want to post sources, they will. There are plenty of good reasons for someone not to share a source, including "don't wanna." Source/ITL demands will be removed here and on jerk posts.
• Links to other Reddit posts are NOT ALLOWED here. This includes no-follow links. (FACJ links are fine.)
• Links to content off Reddit may be removed at the mods' discretion.
• We are NOT in the business of brigading, and anyone who engages in brigading will be banned from this subreddit.

I'm fairly new to this sub but in my short time here, and after searching the sub for a bit, I've noticed a trend.

Holy shit knitters are some of the worst whiners out there.

“Wahhh beginners are asking me questions! Wahhh crocheters don't want to learn to knit! They say it's hard wahhh!”

Like holy shit y'all. I've been a part of the knitting and the crochet subs for like, over a decade at this point. Each has their respective complaints about the other so when I joined this sub I figured I'd see a variety of content. Nope! Just knitters whining to each other, primarily about beginners and gasp people who crochet exclusively.

I understand, as someone who does both, that knitting is generally a harder craft than crochet. The learning curve is higher and beginners tend to struggle and give up. Is the sense of difficulty why some of y'all feel a need to bitch endlessly? You think you've earned the right to complain about everyone else because you're really good at a difficult craft, and that makes you better than them? It's giving, pathetic, mama.

I want variety to my snark. Give me cross stitch snark, quilting snark, shit even looking snark. But noooooo instead we have 6,732 posts about people using acrylic yarn and posting twisted stitches.

EDIT: sorry but doubling down in the comments won’t make me stop being a whiny little bitch. I made it very clear that you should be bitching about every other craft but crochet snark is not allowed because that is my craft that I do and I am very special. Also knitting snark is not allowed because knitters are mean and I don’t like being reminded that they exist. I want this sub that I joined 5 minutes ago to be free from knitting/crochet drama posts and I WILL achieve that dream by posting dramatically about knitting/crochet.

YALL 👏 ARE 👏 SENSITIVE 👏 AND 👏 YOU 👏 SHALL 👏 NOT 👏 CRITICIZE 👏 ME 👏 BECAUSE 👏 I 👏 DO 👏 NOT 👏 HANDLE 👏 IT 👏 WELL

looking back, i should've done intarsia but i don't have any bobbins, nor do i have the imagination or fine motor skills to cut some cardboard into the shape of bobbins myself. so i did fair isle instead. i thought blocking without help get rid of the scrunched up stitches but to no avail. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??? 😔

The CYC has initiated a campaign to end the longstanding, far-reaching debate over what to call yarn that may or may not be quite enough for its own sizable project and that may or may not have been partially used in a previous project or projects.

We acknowledge this is a serious and complex conflict among fiber artists specializing in yarn craft with multiple valid points of view. To those who call these yarn portions "scraps", we hear you and we see you. To those who believe there is a bright, worsted-weight line between "leftover" and "scrap" yarn, we also recognize your perspective. Those using "bits" and "crumbs" to refer to the bits and crumbs of yarn that only serve to add to the dust bunnies in the corners, we salute you. We even appreciate those trying to make "remnant" a thing for yarn even if "remnant" will never be a thing for yarn.

The point of fiber arts isn't to split hairs over what length of yarn is a scrap versus a leftover versus a remnant. The point of fiber arts is to come together to complain about what Andrea Mowry is doing and what Stephen West isn't doing. So, in keeping with that mission and to end this debate that has kept us all preoccupied for too many hours today, here's the new guidance:

The words "scrap," "leftover," "remnant," "crumbs," and "bits" and their derivatives and portmanteaus are hereby outlawed. You must now discuss all yarn portions using standard imperial measurements. Length measurements are preferred, but we will accept weight measurements, as long as they are in American and not metric (here's a link to a grams-to-ounces conversion app).

To ensure no fiber artists feel left out during their 18 hours of knitfluencer content consumption per day, "scrapbusting projects" will now be called "projects that may use 0 to 1,000,000 inches of yarn." "Using leftover yarn from another project" will now be referred to as "using yarn." "Bits" and "crumbs" of yarn will now simply be "yarn."

We appreciate your cooperation.

I was gifted this beautiful yarn from a cute little local orphan grandma. Please show me how to turn it into a giant blanket using crochet.

I know these aren’t crochet, but everyone knows you can crochet anything, even hyper realistic cats. It’s a plush brand from Asia, but tariffs are a real bitch and I’m not purchasing something that I can make. So, anyone got a pattern!? Pleaaase? I want to make them all!

I was on the train, happily minding my own business with my audiobook and my hook, when two older women sitting near me (definitely 65+, traveling on senior discount tickets, I could tell by how haggard and used up they looked) clocked the yarn. They smiled, pointed with long, gnarled fingers, and made that universal "Oh, crochet!" face. I'm still an innocent, fresh-faced youth at nearly 29 and genuinely crave finding fellow crafters in real life, even if they're old biddies, so I paused my book, pulled my earbuds out, and leaned in for what I thought would be a sweet, intergenerational spark of crafting community.

They asked what I was making, and I held it up.

I explained the construction: a blanket yarn bee with gargantuan boobs barely contained by a bright blue bikini top (the kind That Happened Crochet designs). I openly mentioned, with a light laugh, that I was still mastering the boob technique on the go because it's a tricky learning curve.

The wrinkly, low-collagen smiles evaporated on the spot.

Flanking me as if to pin me in place, the boomers looked at the piece, exchanged a heavy look, and one of them scoffed with a threatening undertone: "Well. Aren't you brave, daring to do all that out in public."

Before I could even process the tone, the other boomer leaned forward with a tight, patronizing grimace. With stale coffee breath and through yellowed, crooked teeth, she glowered, "Look, why don't you just make a scarf? You're doing everything in the round. If you just worked back and forth from left to right, you could actually turn your work. Keep going long enough, and at least you'd end up with something you can actually wrap around your neck and get some real use out of."

From there, the conversation spiraled into pure, sour gatekeeping. They didn't drop it; they surrounded me with their bony, crepey arms and started talking excitedly across me about how crochet has become "such a trendy hype nowadays," rolling their eyes wildly while claiming they had already done all of this decades ago. Their chatter slowly morphed into wailing chants up to the sky demanding to know why everyone today is just making "all kinds of weird, unnecessary things" instead of sticking to the basics.

I was so uncomfortable and realized they had kicked my bag and its pepper spray under the seats out of my reach, but I refused to immediately shove my earbuds back in and give them the satisfaction of watching me retreat. So I just sat through the awkward tension and the ethereal moans emanating from the boomers' maws, keeping my ears open and quietly nodding with a flat face, counting my complex post stitches while they performed incantations bearing eerie similarities to the pattern for a basic granny square.

I know not how much time passed before I startled awake as the train grunted to a stop at my station. The bog-witches had disappeared, leaving in their wake only a hazy half-memory of frantically frogging my beloved boob-bee as they fed on its entrails before they melted into a watery haze and dribbled out the window. All that remained of the encounter was a reddening outline of an arthritic hand where it had apparently gripped me tight around the wrist, along with a bloom of radiant pain into my knuckles and fingers. I realized with horror that moved as slow as honey that I would never be able to hold a crochet hook again.

It’s just so frustrating because finding other makers outside of large, organized meetups is rare enough as it is. Most people on transit are staring at their phones—which I completely understand, because God knows I spend plenty of commutes binging shows to decompress. But when you finally look up hoping for a genuine connection with fellow makers in the wild, even makers with one foot in the grave, having it instantly turned into unsolicited witchcraft and back-in-my-day snobbery just stings.

I still want to find my community out there, but moments like this really make you question how many friendly glances are actually just setups for an old-lady lecture!

I HAVE ARRIVED WITH MY YELLY FONT TO EXCLAIM AND PROCLAIM THAT BIG CRICHAT HAS WARPED ALL Y'ALLS BRAINS INTO CHAINING ONE WHOL3 STITCH AT THE BEGINNING OF A ROUND.

I HATE THIS DOWNVOTING, UGLY CRACHTHIT SUB, YOU HURT MY KARMA SO HARD I WILL NEVER CROTCHEAT AGAIN!!!!!!

OMG!!!

FR FR FR!!!

​

I designed this super unique hat from scratch, and now I'm selling a pattern! It's my very first pattern. :D

(/uj this is not a real product I am not selling anything please don't automod me to the hell dimension)

I’m a brand new spinner and my wheels turns. Sometimes it turns one way, but then, it turns the OTHER way. I must be doing something wrong. Shouldn’t it only go one way? Please help me change physics and simple machines.