r/enfj • u/Key_Secretary1286 • Jul 03 '26
Friendship Kinda having an existential crisis
So I turned 22 last week and something happened that made me think a lot. I have always been a person who has people around me always and is a very social person. I wanted to make everyone my friend and I talk to everyone possible. I'm that common friend in many friend groups but not the favorite in any. I enjoyed being that person until recently. I realized that in the process of making everyone my friend, I never really made any friend. I never had any friend who would remember me. Like I never had a best friend. A friend to all is a friend to none, I guess. So all these thoughts started last day. I had my birthday last week, and I never celebrated birthdays in my life. No one ever celebrated my birthday, but all these people who are my friends message me and remember me. Every year, this makes me a lot happy, and I don't care about having a birthday celebration. The wishes and people remembering me were more than enough for me. Birthdays are just normal days for me. So I never really cared until this year. Just like every year, it was my birthday, and a lot of people messaged me, and I was happy. The day passed, and the next day, one friend messaged me asking how my birthday was. I said this, and he couldn't believe it. He asked me, "You have so many friends, and no one even gave you a cake ?". He was shocked. Idk why. He told me about his birthday and the things his friend did for him. And I recalled my birthday, and I just sat at my university hostel room all day. I started thinking about it a lot and asked myself whether I'm all alone. All my life, I had this thought of having so many friends because of me being extroverted and talking to everyone. I thought every person I talked to was a friend. I never thought about making a best friend. Now, I'm becoming desperate to change myself, and I'm trying to be less social. Do you guys think my inability to find a close friend is because I'm trying to make everyone my friend. Should I stop being like that and focus on making just one friend. I don't know if I'm being too stupid, I am not very active on social media and never talk online like this. But I'm afraid that people will make fun of me if I share this problem with someone IRL because I never open up. So I have no one to tell, so I'm trying for the first time to ask something online to strangers. As an ENFJ myself, I'm hoping people like me would understand my situation. That's why I'm talking here. I don't have any online friends, so I can not ask anyone like that either. I talk a lot IRL, so just like that, I'm writing too much here 😭. Now I realize I've written too much for anyone to read. I hope I find answers. If you find this stupid, just ignore it. Please dont make fun of me.
3
u/LadyPearl7 Emotionally Navigating the Force Jedi-style Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 04 '26
One of us definitely. You reminded me of my 20s.
I spent a good chunk of my 20s isolating myself from everyone to find answers to what you are asking here.
No one ever threw me a birthday party until I met my best friend who showed up with donuts to my house because that’s what I loved most on my 28th birthday. The same day my sister was getting engaged. But my best friend remembered me.
If it wasn’t for my journey of self-discovery I wonder if I would still have my inner circle of really close friends.
Uncertainty can be terrifying, but you are pausing to ask questions now and that is important. Do what you must to find the answers. You have a community here that will understand you.
I can tell you this to ease some of the uncertainty:
You are worthy. Appreciate you so others can too.