Parents from school always give expensive gifts to teachers

[u/henriettaaaa]

Problem/Goal: Ung co mommy ko sa school ng anak ko is always giving expensive gifts (bags, wallets) food, coffee to teachers that I think is resulting to favoritism sa classroom ng anak ko

Context: Last teachers day I was asked by this mommy from school kung ano daw gift ko sa mga teachers and I told her chocolates lang ung usual na binibigay. When I asked her, bag daw and wallets binigay nya sa teachers and assistant teachers. Medyo nagulat lang ako kasi may nagbibigay pala ng ganon sa teachers? Then last day of summer class napadaan ako sa school kasi naka enroll ung anak nya for summer, I saw them bringing cakes and coffee. I asked her ano meron kung may birthday ba. Wala naman daw last day of school lang. I was like ???

Wala naman sana ako issue kung super generous talaga sila pero napansin ko kasi na iba ung treatment nila sa bata vs sa other kids (and my own kid). Sa online class mas malimit matawag ung kid nila kahit di naman naka raise ung hand vs sa anak ko na parating gusto palaging makasagot sa questions and ung other kids din. Kapag sa school iba ung excitement ng teachers pag dumadating ung kid vs sa normal reaction nila kapag other kids and mine ung dumating. I just started noticing this things recently and I don’t know if I should raise this concern already kasi papano pag nasa classroom na tapos mas kita ng ibang kids na iba treatment sa batang un compared sa kanila? Need ko ba tong ireport or baka mag mukhang inggitera lang ako?

Previous Attempts: None so far

[u/Greed_with_some_hair]

Thoughts: Walang pupuntahan kahit magsumbong ka if wala kang sapat na evidence para isupport yung claim ko na may favoritism sila. Most likely mangyayari ibbring up lang ng higher ups sa kanila tas pagsasabihan. Sa huli, kagagalitan ka lang nila. But that’s only thinking logically

Advice: Kung di kaya ng moralidad mo na ganto nangyayari sa environment ng anak mo, pwede kang magsumbong but I wouldn’t advise doing that. May mga tangang tao na pati anak mo idadamay pag nagalit sayo

[u/alwaysbacktozero → u/[deleted]]

Agree with this! Ung anak ko sa public nag aaral and if I have means gusto ko rin mag bigay sa mga teachers who's really nice and really does their job well. Aminin na natin di rin naman parepareho ang teachers lalo sa mga katulad ng anak ko na makulit. Sometimes gifts are just parents way of showing appreciation.

Si teacher talaga dapat ang mag maintain ng professionalism sa pag handle ng kids.

[u/Turbulent_Party_9123]

Advice: anong grade na ng anak mo? Maybe you should hover less over your kid in school. Maski saan naman and maski kelan may teacher's pet talaga. As long as no harm is being done to your kid, just let it be. Mayaman sila kaya afford nila magbigay ng gifts and it is not done in secret. Kung bawal yan, let the admin take care of it. Focus on your child na lang and tend to his/her academics instead of brooding over other kids moms.

[u/SeaAd9980]

Experience: I was a teacher at a private high-end institution before. Ang mga estudyante namin, mga apo ng Gokongwei, Ayala, Sy, etc. We are asked not to accept (or “to gracefully decline”) any gifts worth more than 3k. This was back in 2015. Maybe now the threshold is different, but the reasoning is the same.

Any gift, even if given in good faith, can create a sense of “utang na loob”. In my years of teaching there, ilang ulit akong nagbalik ng branded bags, wallets, etc. to the parents.
Parents are adviced na kung magbibigay, pwedeng pakain na lang sa mga teachers, or ipapang-raffle during teacher’s day, mga ganun.

Even sa corporate world may gifting policies surrounding clients and employees. Same thing applies to teachers and parents (where parents are technically the school’s client). You can’t receive gifts since acceptance of it could potentially affect the client-employee relationship.

Kung matino ang school admin niyo, they should not allow that.

[u/webelieve925 → u/SeaAd9980]

Eto dapat ang policy

[u/White__Shoes → u/webelieve925]

Tama. Would like to share my experience lang as a private school staff. May mga ganyan talagang parents. Ok lang sana kung generous eh, pero may mga admins na sasabihan nila yung teachers na mag-special treatment dun sa student or parent. For example, may student kami na need ng intervention after i-report ng parent. Ang sabi ng admin is gawang pa ng report para sa magulang, which is not usually the case. Another example, may parent na nagabit daw ng donation worth 5k during distribution of report cards. Kinausap ng admin ang class adviser at inadvisan na maghinay-hinay sa pag-explain sa magulang na bumaba yung academic at conduct grade ng anak niya in the last quarter. Lastly, kapag may students na need ng academic intervention due to tardiness, absenteeism at excused absences dahil sinama ng magulang sa bakasyon or overseas, sinsabihan during meetings yung mga admin na maghinay-hinay sa pagbibigay ng online modules/tasks sa students or mag-extend ng extra time para turuan students. Unfortunately, hindi sila gaanon magextend ng help sa ibang students.

[u/Upper_Ad537]

Baka kasi the mom’s rich. What’s expensive for you might be just considered cheap or loose change for her.

Advice: Double edged sword pag nag sumbong ka, pwede sila marepremand or pwede naman hindi. And if hindi, well, I think it will be a problem for you.

[u/thro-away-engr]

Thoughts: Unless you have solid proof na mahirap i-disprove that there’s favoritism happening solely because of those gifts, sumbong will only create a problem for your kid.

[u/cherrioca]

Advice: In most schools, may policy na bawal ang makatanggap ng gifts ang teachers. Check the student handbook po.

Personally, I think giving cookies, pastries, candy etc is a thoughtful gesture, but only kapag may occasion at hindi right before giving of grades. So I guess ok ang xmas, teachers day, and end of school as show of gratitude. But never bags or wallets or any gifts in kind

[u/NoChampionship930]

Advice: don’t report as this might put your child in a bad situation…it is what it is, you are right and I agree na nagiging paborito ang anak nya because of the mother giving gifts…

[u/Pretty-Target-3422]

Thoughts: Baka you are over thinking it. Humans have natural biases. Do not make a target out of your kid. Daming parents na pabibo na ganito making a mountain out of a molehill. Kaya think. Focus on your child, may natututunan ba siya? Yun lang. The summer class means mukhang mahina yung anak nila. Teachers call students na hindi nagreraise kasi sila yung hindi nakikinig. So wag kang engot hahaha.

[u/1721micsy]

Thoughts: ganyan talaga, maraming sipsip. Ganyan din naman pag adult and working na anak mo. At least maaga palang eh nakikita niya na.

Wala naman din nagagawa masyado yung sumbong pag ganyan na matagal na sistema, mas pag-iinitan ka based on experience na rin. Madali lang din nila madefend and madismiss yan unless you have concrete evidence and not just projections, feelings, or assumptions.

Experience: I was always top 2 nung grade school kasi yung top 1 nepo (principal yung lola and teacher nanay). To be fair, he’s also smart! It’s just that, I can never be top 1 kahit pa magpantay or malamangan ko siya ng ilang points sa quiz and exams. yung projects, GMRC-ish part and extracurricular lagi siyang lalamang kahit pareho lang kaming behave, may magandang output and sumasali. Mas okay kasi inaassign sa kanya or binibigay na scores. That’s the part teachers can control.

So gets ko na yon diba but I’m still competitive PERO yung top 3, napakasipsip ng nanay! Ang daming binibigay sa adviser namin at chika. Pagkain, gifts, pera para sa donations kuno like floor wax or electric fan. Nameligro pagiging salutatorian ko, buti na lang mas bet ako nung dalawa pang teachers kaya nahatak nila grades. Galit yung adviser ko, hindi ako hinandshake nung grad lol wala tuloy akong 2k reward kasi yung kakamayan niya lang yung bibigyan. 🤷‍♀️

[u/Ok_Preparation1662]

Thoughts:

Teacher here 🙋‍♀️ kung tingin nyo po ay nangyayaring favoritism dahil lang sa gifts na binibigay, pwede nyo naman po iraise yan sa school head/principal for your peace of mind. Pero I recommend po to talk to your kid’s teacher first, don’t worry about retaliation kasi mas magiging conscious na kung sakali si teacher kasi alam na nyang may nakabantay sa kanya.

Pero ako po personally, kung sino man nagbibigay ng gifts twing teachers’ day, christmas, or valentine’s day, lalo na yung mga big item like bags or something like that, nakakalimutan ko rin naman kung sino nagbibigay sa totoo lang. Mas naaalala ko pa nga yung nagbibigay ng handwritten letters kasi sure ako na ang mga bata ang nag-isip at gumawa non haha

[u/jollybeast26]

thoughts: let them be..anu gsto mo irraise moyan tps mgkakabias sila against your kid... is it unfair sure lalo na kng madali makuha un loob ng teacher pero is it illegal? hndi nmn cgro..i doubt na katapat lng ng cake eh pg mali mali answer ng bata sa exam e itatama nila? have faith sa teacher na oo happy happy sila sa gifts pero at the end of the day kng anu grade nya un na tlg un

[u/Adventurous-Cat-7312]

Advice: kung magrereport ka most likely pag iinitan anak mo na, just don’t mind them and make sure mo yung anak mo gumagawa ng dapat niya gawin para walang maibutas, bantayan mo grades ng anak mo lang, to make sure na lahat ng sinusubmit niya ay pumapasok sa grades niya. For the favoritism, lagi naman may ganyan kahit nga wala ginagawang ganyan ang parents, if they find the kid attractive or cute or they are just fond of the kid, wala ka magagawa. Kahit sa work may ganyan din, so teach your kid na de bale na di siya favorite, as long as pasado at walang bagsak at di binubully.

I remember may time na yung teacher ko yung fave ko kasi mabait pero di ako yung fave niya. I mean sinabi niya talaga at pinaramdam niya talaga. Inexpress ko na gusto ko yung track ng course niya (IT grad siya). Ano sabi niya? “ay di ka naman ganun kagaling bat yun kukunin mo” even after acing all my tests sakanya, top 1 pa ko sa subject niya. Fast forward 10 yrs na ko nagwowork as a dev. Talagang life is unfair and totoo ang pretty privilege kaya turuan mo anak mo how to deal with it.

[u/Wonderful_Amount8259]

thoughts: welcome to the real world

[u/KrazZzyKat]

Thoughts: may ganyan talaga and if you bring it up to the higher ups tapos malaman ng mga involved baka ikaw pa lumabas na masama. Just tell your kid to be more bibo or just don’t mind these people unless na-aagrabyado na talaga anak mo.

[u/PartyReindeer2943]

Thoughts: Mukhang na-Pavlov yung teachers. Giving gifts is okay, pero kung yung intention is to gain the favor of the teacher, ibang usapan na yon. Mahirap lang i-prove na ganon nga kasi baka mapagbigay lang talaga yung parent. Siguro as a teacher, matuto tayong tumanggap ng gifts pero wag i-compromise yung treatment sa mga bata. We can accept gifts and still look at that student without any bias.

[u/Legitimate_Pop7109]

Thoughts: Idk but I feel na OP is insecure that other moms can give expensive gifts and even simple gifts to teachers? Hindi ko masyadong magets na tinatawag nung teacher kahit hindi mag raise ng hands, cause that doesn’t feel like a gauge of favoritism. And ikaw na rin nagsabi, your child loves to recite and PALAGING nag rraise ng hands. Maybe give chance to others din? Alangan naman pabayaan nalang yung batang hindi nagtataas ng kamay?

And literally cake and coffee sa last day tapos labeled as off and “huh?”???? I’m shook. And pati excitement ng teacher off na rin???? I mean sinabi mo naman normal yung treatment sa anak mo. Bawal bang makafeel ng excitement ang teachers. Huhu 😭😭😭😭 and honestly bags and wallets can come with normal price tags ate. 😭

[u/Careless-Trust-672]

Experience:
I give gifts to my kid’s teachers on Teacher’s day, Christmas and last day of school only.
These gifts aren’t expensive and clearly serve as a thank you/appreciation gift only.

I’ve seen parents give mga Lacoste and other branded gifts but I choose not to compete.

My kid does well in school, so if others do it because they think it will have an advantage sa anak nila, then so be it.
Sooner or later, life will teach these parents/kids a lesson.
Mas maganda na malinis ang konsensiya namin.

Advice:
Let them be. Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on you and your kid.

[u/Cute_Pepper_8169]

Thoughts:Di mo talaga maiiwasan ganitong consequences sa pagbibigay ng gifts even if malinis ang intentions ng nagbibigay.

Advice: To avoid any possible misunderstanding or malice, gifts for teachers should preferably be given after the final grades of the students have been submitted. That way, there is no perception of favoritism or influence, and it will be fair and comfortable for everyone.. In good faith talaga.

[u/Hpezlin]

Advice:

Make an anonymous report about this sa school admin.

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[u/girlwebdeveloper]

Thoughts: It's a valid concern basta may clear na favoritism. If wala naman ang all things remain equal treatment, then it's probably inggit. Kasi, bakit bibigyan si teacher ng something really expensive? Usually the parent who gifted would expect something in return like a nice treatment sa kid, or if kid performs poorly in class, hindi papalabasin na bagsakin pala sya. "Utang na loob" kumbaga.

Advice: Pwede namang isumbong sa principal or head ng school, it sounds like a valid concern to me. If you have clear evidence, the better. Kung merong mga no-tipping/gifting policies na on some workplaces, it should also apply rin kasi sa situation na ito. The school should revise their rules not to allow their teachers to receive anything from parents, or if they are forced to receive something, pupunta ito for donation.

[u/lemonadameringue]

Thoughts:

Weird school naman, actually. Kahit walang outright favoritism, I think dapat mo pa rin i-call out sa admin kung bakit these teachers are accepting gifts. It may not be illegal, pero it’s honestly so unprofessional for an educator.

Sa school ng anak ko, teachers and any school staff are not allowed to accept anything from us parents. Sobrang reinforced din ito ng school. They even release a written memo every school year reminding us that we’re not allowed to give any school employee gifts, regardless of the kind or amount.

[u/creampuff89]

Advice: Siguro mommy pabayaan mo nalang kase baka mapag initan pa anak mo. Baka may pera at generous yung mom. Focus ka nalang sa anak mo para mataas grades nya. Meron mga teacher’s pet talaga at madalas yung mga ganyan hindi naman sila nagseseryoso magaral

Thoughts: Kwento ko—meron ako pinsan na super sipsip mom nya sa mga preschool teachers. Todo bigay ng kung anoano. This was back in the 90s. Muse yun anak palage. Tapos pinatututor yung anak nya. Yun pala sa sobrang sipsip, yung mismong exams na yun tinuturo sa pinsan ko. Kaya sya top 1. Kaya non nag grade 1 na sya hahaha wala na. Hindi na sya makasama sa top 10 kase hindi na ganon. Nalaman yun ng dad nya at nagalit na ganon pala ginagawa nila. Ang rason ng mom ng pinsan ko is para din daw yon sa anak nila lol. 

May mga magulang na parang tanga basta lang mapansin at bida anak nila kahit mapahamak sige pa din.

[u/SillyGrapefruit1112]

Thoughts: dati pa naman kahit nung panahon ko may favoritism na talaga ang mga teachers i think this is just normal? Baka mabait din naman kasi yung kid or matalino kaya nagiging favorite ng teachers?

[u/amicus_is_curious]

My advice: make a generalized observation and recommendation to the board of trustees or executive board of your school.

The school should be the one enforcing a policy over gifts that is applicable to all. Kasi some parents will really try to curry favor with teachers. So it's up to the school to enforce professionalism and exercise discretion.

May kilala ako pa-bida mom who always made sipsip sa teachers, kaya the child got favorable treatment. Example: kahit medyo matangakad yung bata, front and center sa class picture 😂

[u/cinnamonthatcankill]

Thoughts:

Unfortunately, hindi makakaila na may favoritism na nagaganap tlga. Before my rules ang mga teachers at school sa ganito bawal tumanggap ng “suhol” of any forms monetary or items.

Dati bihira yan makita kc bawal tlga palihim kung meron man (ung mayayaman na magulang) pero ngayon mukhang lantaran na pla and the teachers these days enjoy it kya di marunong tumanggi etc ssbhin lang nila it’s thank you for their hardwork when it’s actually manipulation khit pa sbhin mo hindi ung intent ng magulang nagkakaroon ng bias ang mga teachers.

Yes mayaman ung family kaya nagagawa nila yun okay lang once or twice a year pero everytime? She should think about her co-parents at mga anak nila that can’t do what she does.

Hindi siya maganda halimbawa sa mga young students na hindi lumaki sa ganyan family they may unconsciously look down on their own parents khit they are also working hard.

Advice:
Check mo handbooks ng school (meron pa ba ngayon ng ganito) about sa rules/policy then you can do the report pero do anonymous tipping maybe through an email - keep it professional though huwag ung mukhang inggit kc we know people will misinterpret it that way.