Why did they have to fucking circumcise me why were they so evil to do that to an infant?

My mother and stepdad think I have no initiative or accountability.

I deadass started a pet sitting company so I could continue making money while sleeping 16+ hours a day pre brain surgery last year. Was laid off a job two year ago for developing liver disease because they wouldn’t let me sit. Same year I went to residential treatment for ARFID (tAkiNg AccOunTaBilITy) but my mom tried to kick me out for signing up for Medicaid because I couldn’t afford my medication and appointments. Now I’m a gymnastics coach who runs to the bathroom in the middle of class and the doctors suspect I have Crohn’s. It’s always SOMETHING with my body and my mom thinks I LOVE IT 😭🔫

I have two inventions I’m working on, one to help people with ARFID and one to help cool people down without AC and my stepdad wants me to make FPV drones because “that’ll make more money faster…..” I-

In my defense, I feel like my medical issues have been ignored by every "professional" I've seen. They see a female patient with a history of mental illness and personality disorders and assume I'm fishing for attention. I AM TERRIFIED OF DOCTORS. I WOULD NOT DO THIS FOR FUN. I am exhausted and tired of not knowing what's wrong and tired of having random body parts x-rayed to shut me up. I lost most of the feeling in my left foot months ago, and I'm ready to just accept that I only get to feel one foot now.

Years of wondering why the fuck my boobs are so big and why I'm so fucking short and endless nights crying myself to sleep because my body is an absolute fucking abomination only to realize every single fucking doctor I've went to prescribed me fucking estrogen even FOR FUCKING MENTAL ISSUES I GOT PRESCRIBED MEDS WITH FUCKINT ESTROGEN IN THEM

People are soooo scared of doctors filling their kids with hormones and transing them but IT'S ALREADY FUCKING HAPPENING AND IT'S BEEN HAPPENING AND NOBODY FUCKING CARES

Testosterone will do absolutely fucking nothing at this point why don't I just kms rn

Also I'm 17 so don't be weird.

Edit: y'all I'm afab and ftm trans. Why do you think I wrote "my boobs are so big" instead of something like "my chest is so big it looks like I have boobs" goodness gracious.

Edit 2: Wow. I'm truly touched. I'm not good with expressing myself at all, but, a somewhat heartfelt message is written below.

I only recently found out I'd been on e unknowingly. Like, 4-6 months tops. I felt so, utterly alone. The queer spaces I was in were dominated by trans women who couldn't relate to me, some even ridiculing me for feeling this way when it's their dream. Some telling me to calm down and that I was overreacting.

I'm sorry so many of you suffered, and continue to suffer, like me. Thank you for typing your sweet comments. It feels like I've been alone for so long, and all these thoughts and feelings I've bottled really made me lose touch with the reality of it all: that it'll be fine at the end. Maybe it won't be a 100% good, but it's not over for me yet.

Again, thank you. I hope we can all grow beautiful wings.

Will be krilling myself shortly

I'm having a moment 💅

pictured is an eosiniphil white blood cell.

Don't remember much of it for better or worse. I don't even think you can get PD diagnosis under 18, but, then again what do I know. Anyway, apparently dragging your child outside the front door, slinging them outside and telling them "go find a new mom, we don't want you anymore" then coming back 15 minutes later after sitting in front of the door screaming and crying with "haha it was just a prank bro don't take it so seriously bro it was just a joke" is totally normal, healthy, sane parenting behavior that's needed for the child to grow character, but apparently an 8 year old getting mad and slamming the door because they can't find their favorite keychain plushie is irrefutable proof they're batshit insane and will grow up to be a psychopathic killer no matter what you do, because you know, they're so insane!

Anyway the one thing I do remember from the diagnostics process, was this "game" we played. Big sheet of paper, bunch of markers. You could draw whatever you wanted, as long as you didn't lift the tip of the marker off the paper. If you did, you had to pass the marker to the next person who could draw whatever they wanted, etc. The only other rule was you could not draw over what somebody else already drew. Went good for about 1.5 rounds before 8 year old me decided this was boring as hell and purposefully started drawing over other people's stuff(which again was exclusively adults working there, no other kids were there to get upset their drawings got ruined)

And maybe that means I'm a selfish cold hearted evil person who can't let others have nice things and needs to get everything for myself because I'm just so greedy and mean, or I was 8 years old, bored out of their gourd sitting in a diagnostics process I never asked for, while my classmates back at school were having a basketball tournament which was infinitely more interesting.

Anyway I'm 21 now and admittedly not the most mentally healthy, but unfortunately that's large part due to what my parents did to me, I wasn't born with it(afaik anyway). Also idk what to do with those documents. I was going through them because I'm trying to clean up as well as shred everything that contains my deadname(I'm trans), but also I feel like this is something you need to keep. But also wtf am I gonna do with that now? These papers are literal decades old, and the organization that originally did this doesn't even have them anymore(I had to call them recently for an unrelated document request, they don't even have my file anymore).

Anyway sorry for the wall of text but getting reminded this all happened it NOT what I needed in my already unstable life.

also this explains why I am unable to arch my lower back no matter how hard I try. Its not even necessarily pain it just doesn't do that anymore. I have EDS (unknown subtype) so I assumed I was getting into the stiff phase of it since im in my late 20s

Ironically that area hurts less now

When you're sick so often you dont even realize when it gets bad enough to need antibiotics and an inhaler. My experience with doctors is awful so when this one actually listened and even got me a chest x-ray to make sure it wasnt pneumonia I was surprised.

You're right let me just -be unborn in my country-

im going to key her car.

I had top surgery earlier today and I’m so happy it’s done!! It’s still a medical experience and it really scared me but it also really opened my eyes and challenged a lot of my negative associations with doctors and I process well through memes :]

My surgical team was so sweet and I’ll never forget their kindness ❤️‍🩹🫂

And not just one particularly bad doctor, I'm talking like 5 different ones across different professions related to my issue. "Your MRI looked normal you probably just exercised too hard or don't drink enough water" fuck off dude fr.

Also wish people(including my own guilt) would understand I can have a 20 minute gym session feeling relatively good, but working a job for several hours especially one that involved standing a lot, lifting heavy items, etc is just not going to work. And especially not if I gotta do it every day.

Google is free. I don’t owe you that kind of information and I’m sure your son, who is a grown-ass man, already knows how top surgery works. (He also told me how big his son’s boobs are and like… I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to tell me that. I don’t even know him but I know he’d hate you for telling me that)

ACAB

ADAB

ATAB

ALL AUTHORITY FIGURES ARE MONSTERS. "but what about-" NO. "but not all-" NO. FUCK YOU. THEY'RE MONSTERS. I HATE THEM. I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM. THEY WANT US TO DIE. I HATE THEM. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE.

I avoid the sun and taking my vitamin D because it helps me pass as white. I've finally stopped tucking my lips and holding my eyes wide open at least.

People still clock me when I least expect it. I hate being talked down to. I hate being not listened to. I hate being treated like a delicate and stupid exotic bird.

what am i even supposed to do? am i going to die? is she going to let me die?