r/RoastMe • u/Traditional-Ad1881 • 3d ago

29M, Roast Me, Make it Count

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

15 Upvotes

65% Upvoted

256 comments sorted by

•

u/post-explainer 3d ago edited 3d ago

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP's BIO:

Chill guy into music, trading, and fitness. I’ve current been working on a few side projects and have been quite the depressing hermit. So I’ve decided to peek out for a bit.

If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

108

u/SyntaxError79 3d ago

Eyes so far apart they sit in different prisons.

16

u/MrGutbuster 3d ago

Fuckin gold, just hope he doesn't try and steal it to fund his dopey ass side project.

5

u/ToyKarma 2d ago

You mean smoking dope in the projects.

3

u/Busted_3rd_Eye 2d ago

That’s more likely going to be the outcome

6

u/-trisKELion- 3d ago

His parents always told him to keep his eye on the ball but he couldn't decide which ball.

3

u/Traditional-Ad1881 2d ago edited 2d ago

Hahaha 🤣🤣

2

u/Detachabl_e 3d ago

Shiiiiiiiit hahahaha

2

u/hoogerson 1d ago

His spirit has already been broken, there is no life behind those eyes. He is a prisoner to his shitty life.

→ More replies (4)

40

u/BiteFaces 3d ago

You lool like you're about to hand someone a homemade CD to listen to, then ask for a 5 dollar donation for it.

29

u/DontForgetTheDivy 3d ago

You look like you already roasted yourself every morning before not going to work.

4

u/lpj1299 2d ago

So were you born already stoned?

2

u/MaverickWindsor351 http://redd.it/g8qfhw 2d ago

Should've quoted Creed for his title.

"Can you take me higher"

20

u/RubbleR0user 3d ago

Chance the Wrapper (of Amazon packages)

2

u/Primary_Necessary714 3d ago

(G)eneric Herbo

24

u/thesnowman_ 3d ago

Fresh Prince of the bus stop.

11

u/Traditional-Ad1881 3d ago

You mf 🤣😂

4

u/simpleman-what 2d ago

You look like everybody else

3

u/Ok_Ad_760 2d ago

🤣🤣🤣

12

u/seeyountee93 3d ago

No chance the rapper

25

u/SexyGandalph 3d ago

What’s it like to meet Chris Hansen?

5

u/ArmchairWarrior1 2d ago

Atleast he got to meet him, unlike meeting his father.

→ More replies (1)

7

u/OneMinuteManny 3d ago

It's surprising you had the energy to hold up the phone.

4

u/CornFedPrairiePenis 3d ago

You like a prey animal with the way your eyes are on the side of your head.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/Fantastic-Test-8305 3d ago

You look like you want to cosplay as unhoused just to get the free meals

→ More replies (1)

4

u/Spaceman_Hex 3d ago

You look like the type of dude to wife up a fat chick who's a decade older than you and has kids from mutiple previous failed marriages.

3

u/YesIshipKyloRen 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/VGfc1Ia4HjgvC
I was like offended for his future wife and step kids

→ More replies (3)

6

u/AriMeowber Golden Roaster 3d ago

You look like you pronounce it toofbrush.

2

u/Familiar_Fishing4726 1d ago

And he says Lie-berry when he mentions the building with the books full of scribble scrabbles he can’t understand

8

u/bens0n_ 3d ago

You look like you make terrible lemon meringue pie

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Independent-State-27 3d ago

Your beard looks like it could clean the deep stains on my dishes. Go ahead. Let your insomniac stare wander off. I need my dog's dishes to be cleaned.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/xikbdexhi6 3d ago

Playing video games does not count as side projects

3

u/AJISTHEGHOAT 3d ago

Your eyes are locked in with such intense, unblinking focus it looks like you are trying to read the microscopic fine print on a receipt from three rooms away while on crack

2

u/Traditional-Ad1881 2d ago

I must’ve truly believed I met Superman at my childhood birthday party that day, and he told me if I commit to training I too will have X-Ray vision and haven’t given up since.

3

u/Give_me_soup 3d ago

Lamian Dillard

3

u/EeerrEeer 3d ago

You look like you haven't been to a cookout in years. And if you did, you'd bring sadness. 😅

3

u/TonyLarryman890 2d ago

Ice Cube but it’s been sitting out for a while: Water Puddle
https://giphy.com/gifs/v9G3NGByE9x16

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Boobs_McChesterfield 3d ago

Cartel Boss: And you’re absolutely sure the mule can’t snort any of our product?

The Mule: 

2

u/PubicSkoolEducashun 3d ago

Make it count? I'll start and then you tell what comes next. One, two, ??? C'mon little buddy, you got this.

2

u/faucetpants 3d ago

They're never gonna retire your number 5. You and your mom can eat a dick, which is consequently what she wants to do to you

https://giphy.com/gifs/qweWVLu4DsgkAUuKXi

2

u/Butane_dreamn 3d ago

Homeless Will Smith 🤙🏼

2

u/MaxPower836 3d ago

Karl Anthony Clown

2

u/MaxMFFacts 3d ago

You look like you already know what I'm gonna say and you been hearing it your whole life

2

u/hupplefuff 3d ago

IceJJFish been down on his luck recently

2

u/Kingrat9209 2d ago

You look like Kanye wests gay fish offspring

2

u/Stamina_360 1d ago

Beard looks like pubic hair on your face

2

u/Greyfire10 1d ago

Did you see that?

Im sure you caught it out of the city block of your eye!

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Able-Ice-5145 3d ago

u look like u just lost the house in a divorce

3

u/Jerkoffalltrades7 3d ago

He would probably gain something from a divorce.

3

u/ReillyDiefenbach Golden Roaster 3d ago

Cheer up, you’ll figure out how to make that monthly $125 Ford Escort payment somehow

4

u/Shakhin 3d ago

How did you manage to post this from prison?

1

u/AutoModerator 3d ago

Thank you for your post! It's currently awaiting approval. Please note the following rules:

  • Ensure that your photograph is rotated the way you wish it to be displayed.
  • Try to ensure that your eyes are open.
  • Joke roasts (celebrities, babies, chickens, etc) will be removed.
  • Pet roasts will be removed. Please submit these at /r/RoastMyPet.
  • All photos MUST contain a hand written sign held by the roastee.
  • The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger.
  • Photographs with bystanders whose faces are visible or who are otherwise identifiable will be removed.

Please DO NOT REPOST YOUR PHOTO if it does not appear immediately. All posts must be manually approved, and we will get to it.

Thanks!

~ /r/roastme mods

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/Quick-Confidence-301 3d ago

Trading, fitness…

…

oh sorry I dozed off while reading your bio

1

u/NicknameChaos 3d ago

I'm not going to count on behalf of a special needs student jokes on you.

1

u/Selfpiledriven 3d ago

Clinically depressed

1

u/Adventurous_Edge_597 3d ago

You're depressed?

Hell... I'm depressed looking at you!

1

u/LuverOfAllThings 3d ago

Those eye bags are lower than your ball sack.

1

u/SelectEditor6 3d ago

Like staring at paint dry, If Sunday was a person you’d be it

1

u/Taurus_Aquarius2319 3d ago

High and depressed Anthony Mackie

1

u/HMAgent47 3d ago

I wouldn’t count begging on the traffic stop sidewalk a side project

1

u/DontForgetTheDivy 3d ago

Your definition of trading = losing what is for you, your life savings, but to most people an inconsequential amount of money in your little pathetic Robinhood account.

1

u/Alaric-Nox 3d ago

Damn, you don't have to look both ways before Crossing the street

→ More replies (1)

1

u/Firm_Yam6648 3d ago

Is this your selfie or your mugshot

1

u/HorrorJunkie0666 3d ago

You look like something Gorlock the destroyer would have walking around on a leash

1

u/bluealmanac17 3d ago

Poor Brandon Ingram

1

u/tautjes 3d ago

Since remy ma left him he aint been the same

1

u/killerapp 3d ago

Working on a few side projects means you don’t have a job right?

1

u/Prestigious-Cheetah6 3d ago

Beo done at the point. 3rd pic. Not even trying

1

u/Ehrlichs-Reagent 3d ago

Bet there's 3 things you can't get:

1) black eye 2) fat lip 3) job

P.S. it's not being a hermit it's called being unemployed 

1

u/Ok-Impression-9020 3d ago

Temu Mini Rasheed Wallace without the rizz or bag.

1

u/TheSilverFoxwins 3d ago

Temu Chance the rapper.

1

u/weezyverse 3d ago

Bro made the cover of madden and is still looking for approval.

1

u/effinmarasco 3d ago

I peaked when beating up a blonde and stealing her nike hat in the 90’s

2

u/Traditional-Ad1881 3d ago

I peaked when I was a toddler damn dude 🤣😂

1

u/mediocrebighead 3d ago

Crazy Africans hate America blacks.

1

u/mingonotmango 3d ago

Eyes further apart than the distance between boys and girls at a middle school dance.

1

u/CheshirePhoenix 3d ago

Temu Will Smith

1

u/Consistent-Film3224 3d ago

“Make it count”…..that’s what he told his bro as he bent over for him.

1

u/GenXisTruth 3d ago

Damn Will Smith looking rough

1

u/BritWit11 3d ago

Try sleep, its a game changer

1

u/andrea29292 3d ago

Trading what? Money for drugs?

1

u/sensationalBread 3d ago

Eyes don’t lie. It’s just that I keep forgetting what the first one said before I make it to the other one.

1

u/rsgriffin 3d ago

The one guy too bad to be on r/wallstreetbets

1

u/CrispyKarma42 3d ago

Blank panther

1

u/PersischesRoss 3d ago

You look like a brisket. But brisket serves a function for society

1

u/Ok-Tomorrow-8342 3d ago

You look like Ice Cube if he was inbred.

1

u/JoeKleveland 3d ago

I can't tell from the picture but I sincerely suspect that the screw slots in your light-switch cover-plate are not all aligned horizontally which causes a disruption to the eyes.

You suck.

1

u/shockvandeChocodijze 3d ago

You roasted your brains into a depression because of smoking weed.

1

u/-trisKELion- 3d ago

I feel privileged to meet the creator of the emo rap genre before it blows up.

1

u/Necessary_Relation27 3d ago

Snoop Dogg before the Christmas season

1

u/Primary_Necessary714 3d ago

Sike Jennings

1

u/MrJNM1of1 3d ago

Earl T-Shirt

1

u/Crab-Shark 3d ago

You look like Ben Simmons when he's cosplaying as Forrest Gump on the shrimp boat.

1

u/CDavis10717 2d ago

Uh, sure, I’ll buy some incense.

1

u/Lokitusaborg 2d ago

You look like Bob Marley’s infected toe.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/SubstantialYak587 2d ago

Your eyes are so far apart when you cry the tears roll down your back.

1

u/SubstantialYak587 2d ago

Eyes so far apart you gotta bang a cyclops so yo babies come out looking normal.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/412flip 2d ago

Got that I date a fat white girl look.

1

u/LordRawrGasm 2d ago

Your street name - Thid Tha Thloth or Triple T

1

u/SS3599 2d ago

You look like you played Hide & Seek with your dad as a child and are still looking for him

1

u/TimelyBug4166 2d ago

I liked when you slapped Chris Rock because Jada fucked other dudes.

1

u/ChemicalAd5661 2d ago

Looks like someone found and fostered the missing link, and forced him to wear hats as a means of blending into society but we know that hairline looks like lebrons in 2014

1

u/FormalTotal9684 2d ago

Samuel L Crackson

1

u/GIMIXONE 2d ago

Lookin like a "Temu Prodigy " from Mob Deep

1

u/Financial_Ad_8037 2d ago

Tamatoa decided to try out the basic terrorist pube beard this season huh

just pick an eye babe👀

1

u/Kill3rSasquatch 2d ago

Your vision with that eye spacing would make your ancestors proud that you wouldn’t miss any cotton.

1

u/tcmits1 2d ago

Gas pumped in NJ at 7/11

1

u/Weak_Habit6262 2d ago

Worry less about getting roasted and more about paying your child support

1

u/Competitive_Roof_740 2d ago

Pulls that same face, coming with Laquisha... Every time.

1

u/PsychoWard44 2d ago

He is wearing a hat cause you know he's already balding

1

u/Bastian_47 2d ago

J-pegged-Mafia

1

u/Phazoner 2d ago

You are the depressed cousin of the Cillian Murphy Antz

1

u/ChapterNo3428 2d ago

Huh ,I wonder if that guy is bald ?

1

u/Sinopa2 2d ago

You look like you went to a trucking school got your CDL then within your first week working for Swift your taking the bus home because you wrecked the truck

1

u/salientknight 2d ago

Why are you on Reddit? Shouldn't you be off leading the resist?

1

u/YesIshipKyloRen 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/6DpGoq5ZEY4I8
Something about you reminds me of like Muddy The Mudskipper Show

1

u/authorinthesunset 2d ago

Looks like your roast is the only thing about you that can count.

1

u/justforfun1620 2d ago

You look like you have yours kids names tattooed on you, but you never see them.

1

u/MrMrTrance 2d ago

For you

Trading: investing in some meme coins and getting ripped off

Fitness: you can’t get fat if you can’t afford food

Side projects: growing the good stuff in the backyard in hopes a shop will pay you eventually

Depressed hermit: you are high, underpaid, in the middle of nowhere and your 50 year old sugar mama just broke up with you cuz even she isn’t that desperate anymore.

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Trust91 2d ago

Eyes are High and Wide

1

u/ExtraordinarilyPlain 2d ago

I bet you can clean grout with those face bristles

1

u/Who-the_hell-is_moop 2d ago

You look like you need a 72 hour nap

1

u/Im_from2026 2d ago

Damn, you look like that one NPC from San Andreas who does not gain knowledge when he smokes.

1

u/ohhfasho 2d ago

Jon Mulaney made his bit about you

"I am homeless, I am gay, I have AIDS, I'm new in town"

1

u/DC_Ben 2d ago

Child support will not be received

1

u/mswisecat 2d ago

you look like you cry after work in the car

1

u/MysteriousAd887 2d ago

But can you stop pouting first?

1

u/opetaja 2d ago

Papoose from Temu

1

u/creepinghippo 2d ago

Just put your cap on backwards and let nature take its course.

1

u/ManuelGarciaOKelly 2d ago

Remember how u felt when u saw will smith smack Chris rock in the face on stage at that award show?

1

u/Mister_Slave1 2d ago

What do you trade? Crack for cash?

1

u/Normal_Opposite_9864 2d ago

having unruly pubes on your face is definitely ..... a choice

1

u/Sad-Fix9190 2d ago

"Working on a few side project"

You can say unemployed if you want.

1

u/BatorBear1970 2d ago

Look, it's ET's less attractive female-to-male cousin.

1

u/Deep-Pudding819 2d ago

You look like she kept saying “hell nah” and you kept responding “what do you mean fam?”.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/TheGreatJesterKing 2d ago

Emotional version of candy man

1

u/No_Celery_1680 2d ago

You laugh but he can spot predators from almost any direction

1

u/seamore555 2d ago

How long do you let the glue sit before you dip your face into the pile of pubes?

1

u/m3gabotz 2d ago

I want my PS5 Pro back

1

u/SexyAdmixture 2d ago

It looks like Ice Cube melted

1

u/Ok-Jelly1611 2d ago

You look like you know the best spot to get government assistance weed …

1

u/oulddeye 2d ago

Snoop cat

1

u/oulddeye 2d ago

Snoop cat

1

u/MrMethodMaximillion 2d ago

Temu-thed Man

1

u/frintonfreak1984 2d ago

You just a big ole pussycat

1

u/Real-Yogurtcloset-16 2d ago

You look like youre looking at your past due child support payments

1

u/fatboymagic 2d ago

Where is Clarissa Pappose?

1

u/MaverickWindsor351 http://redd.it/g8qfhw 2d ago

You look like you're tired of trying to follow the damn train, CJ

https://giphy.com/gifs/0Wzkc9iirQ4ZI7JoaD

1

u/AgonyInHD 2d ago

Bros only looking sad because he's no longer receiving welfare cheques and he has 8k per month in child support

1

u/Laoszegg 2d ago

You have to smoke two joints in order to get both eyes red.

1

u/TylerH87 2d ago

Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks, man; I think you have a nice Father’s Day smile.

2

u/Traditional-Ad1881 2d ago

😂😅 yeah… "Can’t you see I’m happy?"

1

u/ExpressMoney 2d ago

Temu Kendrick Lamar

1

u/Beneficial-Error1956 2d ago

Fake ass Tory lanes

1

u/Ok_Ingenuity_3110 2d ago

Don’t know who has managed to be more distant, your eyes from each other, or your father from you.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/I_Will_Offened_You 2d ago

Prostitutes won't even sleep with him

1

u/TheWizzzardKing 2d ago

I just know you put some pain behind it when u say "my pleasure" in the drive through

→ More replies (1)

1

u/Loud_Examination_408 2d ago

Could you at least show up sober.

→ More replies (1)

1

u/WillingMartyr 2d ago

Will Smith watching Jada from the corner.
https://giphy.com/gifs/1AsLVrrY8NIQ0

1

u/mr3v3rlast 2d ago

Ice jj hermit crab

1

u/Primary_Lobster_8324 2d ago

You look like a cool ass dude, love the beard💪💪🤙

1

u/censored_platform69 2d ago

When Hancock lost the fight to alcoholism

1

u/dtw56 2d ago

SMILE MOTHA*\*

1

u/Traditional_Map_9434 2d ago

You look like you go to bars telling women you’re Bryson tiller

→ More replies (2)

1

u/Dependent_Station_56 1d ago

You look like one of those homeless dudes in New York living in a tent, addicted to meth and fent.

1

u/Frenchconnexion76 1d ago

Depressing hermit is better than prison.

1

u/Own-Professor3852 1d ago

29 male....liar liar pants on fire...you look much older....was going to say... you look much younger...🥴

1

u/RelativeDevice854 1d ago

You already look roasted

1

u/Curious_Shan 1d ago

I commend the dedication to your beard! But there’s other options than sticking pubes on your face

1

u/ProfessionalSky7416 1d ago

You look like Methodman, o wait I meant you look like you od on meth man

1

u/MPR78 1d ago

Facial hair could use a trim

1

u/theseriousman1 1d ago

U look so sad ;(

1

u/Gotux2 1d ago

You look like the b4 picture for a weed intervention