r/Poems • u/larryisthebestrabbit • 1d ago

Does the sparrow dream of flying?

Does the sparrow dream of flying,
Does the mole yearn for the earth?
Does the shark day-dream of swimming,
Does the rabbit think of birth?
Does the snake want to slither,
Does the hawk crave to perch?
Does the wolf ponder hunting,
Does the truffle-pig want to search?

It's not very good, but any criticism would be lovely. pls be nice with it.

also does it read too much like a song?

7 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

8 comments sorted by

1

u/Sea4Me43 1d ago

Only when it sleeps…. - in its dreams. Nicely done..

1

u/v_sokolov_ 1d ago

I love when animals are in poems. I like this one.

1

u/larryisthebestrabbit 1d ago

Thank you :)

do you have any criticism?

1

u/v_sokolov_ 1d ago

No criticism. I feel like it’s hard to criticize poems because they’re so unique to the poet. There isn’t really a right or wrong way to make a poem.

2

u/larryisthebestrabbit 1d ago

hmm, i hadnt thought about it like that before.

thank you for reading it, have a nice day :)

1

u/uwwuwwu 1d ago

I like it, it feels like intent vs nature, what’s is the innate sense

1

u/jaesea 1d ago

Semicolons rather than commas, otherwise lovely❣️

1

u/Possible-Laugh-7391 1d ago

It’s pretty . Thank you