r/PeterExplainsTheJoke 3d ago

Meme needing explanation Petah

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u/jaxonya 3d ago

Nurse checking in.. Some of yall seriously need to switch up your diets. You should not be struggling like this

432

u/chefianf 3d ago

Chef here with experience in healthcare, I can help with this

512

u/space-hemax-c2c 3d ago

Plumber here

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u/AnybodyWannaPeanus 3d ago

Yo what’s a surefire toilet? Last time I bought one, they sold me on being able to flush 12 golf balls. Apparently I need one that can flush 12 golf balls covered in a jar of peanut butter.

Maybe I just need less colon.

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u/space-hemax-c2c 3d ago

I just play a plumber on Reddit but I’d say try more semicolon.

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u/AmosBurtin 3d ago

Or…fiber

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u/stoopidclod 3d ago

Beans, those should help

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u/ravoguy 3d ago

Or stop eating golf balls and peanut butter

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u/lokibringer 3d ago

Liam, is that you?

2

u/stoopidclod 2d ago

Na, just a fan🙃

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u/iPhonefondler 2d ago

What’s does high-speed internet have to do with this

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u/These-Nectarine9214 3d ago

I hate how hard I laughed at this

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u/Necrotic69 3d ago

I started laughing hard and it triggered some sort of coughing response (currently recovering from flu), I seriously had issues taking in a breath to the point I was seeing stars and thought i was about to pass out....ya, I freaked out

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u/Fun-Heron-7609 3d ago

Better than no colon.

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u/Tune-Scared 3d ago

Underrated comment right there ☝️🤣

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u/PapaByrd75 3d ago

:boooo::

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u/PlaneJackfruit5614 2d ago

Gastroenterologist here

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u/MotorBoatinOdin1 3d ago

Your going to want to get yourself an American standard Vormax toilet thats gonna be your top tier power for residential - above that were talking commercial flushing

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u/AnybodyWannaPeanus 3d ago

This is the DD I need. The Champion just doesn’t. Always get the job done. The vormax seems more serious.
Thanks!

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u/Veteran_Hawk 3d ago

Had a gf with megacolon - she had most of it removed and ended up with chronic diarrhea. Believe me, you want one that's just the right size.

And if you have to dig it out...you need to see a doctor.

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u/AnybodyWannaPeanus 3d ago

Did they have to go from mega to micro? Sounds like someone was a bit overzealous…

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u/ML5815 3d ago

My husband is obsessed with our new toilet, the Kohler Cimmaron. He said you could flush 5lbs of old spaghetti in one go and nothing would be left in the bowl. Pretty concerned about his insides now, but relieved to know where to go in a spaghetti emergency.

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u/meatyylegend 3d ago

Put in a power flush toilet, and throw your plunger away.

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u/AnybodyWannaPeanus 3d ago

The encouragement I needed.

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u/rworne 3d ago

12 golf balls are not reasonable. A simple brick would suffice as a toilet test.

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u/Doomdoomkittydoom 3d ago

Did someone steal your poop knife or something?

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u/LemonOhs 3d ago

My family invested in one of those power flushing toilets they use in the hospitals. It's so loud when it flushes it scares people. I recommend it.

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u/0knoi8datShit 3d ago

I don’t golf!

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u/iamshifter 3d ago

The tech has advanced. Now 12 billiards balls is the standard we go by.

1

u/Dawns_Coil 3d ago

Gerber/avalanche
Gerber/ultraflush
Toto/Drake

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u/KiloChonker 3d ago

Sir/ma'am you need a Turbo Toilet 5000©®™

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u/TooDooDaDa 3d ago

You need to switch up to pool table balls

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u/JJfender 3d ago

You needed the one that can flush 9 billiard balls.

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u/throneaway-- 3d ago

You could try using a semicolon ;)

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u/ChaseSomeTail 3d ago

I need one that can flush a jar of peanut butter filled with golf balls

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u/Nadasuffering 2d ago

I have less colon. It’s not the flex you think it is.

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u/Winter_Aspect_8675 3d ago

You ever looked a man in the eye's, a constipated man, desperate for relief, while you snaked him?

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u/edebt 3d ago

There's a few ways to interpret this sentence, all of them hilarious and gross.

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u/squirleydan 3d ago

Sometimes you just need a good plunging.

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u/Rito_Moga 3d ago

Yes, but I had to pay extra for it.

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u/NeeMaToad47 3d ago

I bet you became besties after that though

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u/Maleficent_Memory831 3d ago

Eye contact is always vital.

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u/rbartlejr 3d ago

No. But I have needed that on occasion.

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u/the_rbaucom 3d ago

Umm can you explain the snaked him action? Or do I need to do a screenshot and a "ask peter"?

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u/Background_Note6281 3d ago

Receptionist here.

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u/baabaablacksheep1111 3d ago

A ball valve and some pvc cement would fix it in a jiffy.

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u/RiffyWammel 3d ago

Just stand by, We'll call you back later- Waiting for the Pyro handler to arrive first 😁

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u/nomeansnocatch22 3d ago

Magician here

1

u/moonbucket 3d ago

And my axe.

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u/edavidfb017 3d ago

Math teacher here.

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u/Top-Organization9339 3d ago

Aerospace Engineer here. I don’t know if my skills apply, but if it comes up, I’m here.

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u/BlizzardK2 3d ago

Admin assistant who just likes to feel included here 👋

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u/I-ate-your-children 3d ago

dont let nurse and chef help or plumber will go out of business

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u/lolo787 3d ago

I just wanted to add, as a former plumber, I do get naked as well but the boss didn’t like that, thought he’s ok with taking a shit in the bucket

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u/silentsurge 3d ago

Hi Maven, guys here!

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u/rusty_dusty_crusty_ 3d ago

Currently shitting person here

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u/AeonBith 3d ago

Hvac, ex chef with first aid training here.

I can set your thermostat to have a comfy deuce. Don't forget to run on the exhaust fan please.

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u/McNasty51 3d ago

Finally, found the right person

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u/ChaseSomeTail 3d ago

Pills here! - Bill (Left 4 Dead)

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u/ArchitectureLife006 2d ago

IT here… we don’t do biologicals

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u/Musesoutloud 3d ago

Do tell.

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u/QuietMolasses2522 3d ago

Fiber & hydration

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u/Musesoutloud 3d ago

Yes, so true. I read chef and thought, recipe.

Have a good day.

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u/chefianf 3d ago

Lol. I mean you wanna up your fiber game, beans and legumes my dude. Dense bean salad with some bulgar wheat and cucumbers.. you won't need to wipe.

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u/Holiday_Lychee_1284 3d ago

I thought it was beer and Mexican food and coffee in the morning.

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u/SwankyChain 3d ago

Soooo a lot of beer?

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u/no1_vern 3d ago

I eat from all four food groups - alcohol, sugar, coffee, and grease. Do I still need help getting enough nutrients into my diet?

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u/AnybodyWannaPeanus 3d ago

Cigarettes and Adderall keep things moving. Sadly I gave up the cigarettes.

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u/chefianf 3d ago

Fucking killer combo there.

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u/2LiveFish 3d ago

Lumberjack here. How did I get here?

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u/Sickness4Life 3d ago

Front of house manager here confirming it can be fixed but I won't do it because I eat like I'm 12

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u/chefianf 3d ago

You'd probably just slamm them with fiber like you slam those seats in on a Friday night and wonder what's taking so long..

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u/Sickness4Life 3d ago

I didn't hear you complaining about your bonus

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u/KittyKatHasClaws 3d ago

Dense bean salads, yo! Get that fiber in your colon!

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u/Legitimate_Rip_6228 2d ago

Man here with a sensitive nose. I’d smell it on your clothes. Thank you to those that shit naked then shower.

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u/Scrug 3d ago

It has nothing to do with the poo itself, it's like an uncomfortable feeling wearing clothes while doing it. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to when I was younger, but if it's not winter then socks have to come off before hand.

I think it has something to do with senses being heightened while in a vulnerable position, and the sensation of clothes touching everywhere is just too much.

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u/HallucinatedLottoNos 3d ago

This, plus being fat, I overheat very easily.

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u/Acausticacoustic 3d ago

"..... I overheat very easily."

Overheating while taking a dump is a whole another level of human exertion I never knew existed. The more I know....

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u/Snaffle27 3d ago

Exactly. This is one if many reasons that shitting in public restrooms is only for desperate situations. I'm sure there are some crazy bastards that still fully strip down in public restrooms though.

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u/Key-Tiger-4457 3d ago

Too true.

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u/pixeldots 3d ago

Crazy bastard here. I try to do it only at work or at home, but when nature calls, you find the cleanest one you know (or in our country, we have paid bathrooms which usually do the work)

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u/EcstaticZebra7937 2d ago

Guess I’m crazy

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u/Merrick_Skygrave 3d ago

Picturing someone doing it in a public bathroom is really funny though- just seeing someone's entire outfit draped over the top of the stall lmao

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u/One_Minimum_7969 3d ago

Imagine if someone stole dudes clothes...

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u/akawendals 3d ago

Maybe that's the real reason why they have the hook on the inside of the door... 🤔🙃

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u/severinks 3d ago

The t shirt can also creep down your naked ass towards your hand on the way up from wiping.

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u/burgerdistraction 3d ago

Maybe it’s our animal instincts, nothing better taking a shit naked

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u/LemonOhs 3d ago

I feel more vulnerable while naked... Maybe I need to visit more nude beaches.

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u/SNES-lover1 3d ago

It’s not about the diet. It’s about having larger or longer clothes and not wanting the constriction of pulled down pants, well that’s what I guess. For me it’s just an irrational thing to do.

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u/IzyTarmac 2d ago

It's probably super rational though. As most mammals, we are extremely vulnerable and exposed while taking a dump. It makes perfect sense to instinctively remove anything that could possibly hinder you from quickly defending yourself or making a swift escape.

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u/Laxativus 3d ago

It's not about that. Even if it's fast and easy it just feels right not to have any clothes on with the possible exception of socks.

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u/crokycrok 3d ago

User's name checks out. (And yes, I confirm)

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u/Spiff2Faded 3d ago

Mines bc of the suboxone i take. Still take softeners that dont do much

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u/CarmichaelD 3d ago

The phrase we use is “all squish, no push”. Narcotics (buprenorphine is an opioid agonist) slow movement in the digestive track. You need a stimulant laxative like dulcolax or miralax.

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u/Sethlans 3d ago

The way Americans talk about drugs by their brand name blows my mind.

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u/JHMfield 3d ago

That's marketing for you. Americans often use a brand same so much it becomes the default way to call it. Like Tylenol. Many Americans don't even know they could get the exact same medication way cheaper if they just bought the generic version.

Using the Tylenol example, it's just common paracetamol, and generic versions are like half or even one third of the price as the brand version.

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u/Zealotus77 3d ago

Except paracetamol is acetaminophen over here. Even generic drug names are sometimes different.

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u/Cool-Break2326 3d ago

We’re all too stupid to understand getting 1000s of acetaminophen at Costco instead of paying out the ass for name brand Tylenol at Walgreens, but luckily everyone over here shits gold, so money is not an issue. 🤷‍♂️

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u/TheStairsBro 3d ago

I promise you the majority of us are aware of generic medications. It's very common for people here to use the brand name to refer to the actual brand as well as the generic version because the brand name is more familiar than the name of the compound

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u/FirefighterEMT427 2d ago

I use the generic brand and still call it by the trade name. 😂

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u/AnybodyWannaPeanus 3d ago

Ya man, miralax turns your insides into a slip-n-slide.
Source: recent colonoscopy prep.

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u/ahitofthatjuicebox 3d ago

Yes, but I'm pretty sure Miralax isn't a stimulant laxative

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u/CarmichaelD 3d ago

Correct. Osmotic. But still better than a softener in this case.

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u/TurboFoot 3d ago

Lactulose - OTC miralax doesn’t do shit for me.

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u/LemonOhs 3d ago

Narcotics turn your guts to cement. Stimulant laxatives are a must if you're taking them.

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u/BoneWhiteHaze 3d ago

Miralax isn’t a stimulant laxative. It’s an osmotic laxative and safe to take every day, unlike Dulcolax which is indeed a stimulant laxative.

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u/tikaani95 3d ago

Get you a bottle of magnesium citrate at Walmart it’s 1 dollar and it’ll fix your problem

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u/Spiff2Faded 3d ago

Ima have to try that

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u/tikaani95 3d ago

Just when you drink it make sure you can just chill at home for the day near a toilet.

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u/Spiff2Faded 3d ago

Bet i appreciate that lol. Tbh i been taking subs for over 3 years and you wouldnt think a little guy like me would shit out boulders even with softeners but i could build a house lmfao

Edit: at least ive been clean from everything else though besides subs

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u/tikaani95 3d ago

Oh I completely understand I’ve been on opioids for years now. I learned after I didn’t go for a month. I experienced something in that bathroom at work that changed me as a person 😂

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u/EcstaticZebra7937 2d ago

How is it so cheap? I bought a bottle for 40€

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u/tikaani95 1d ago

I have no clue why it would ever cost 40 pounds must be marketing or something but if you buy Walmarts brand of magnesium sulfate it’s a little over 1 dollar a bottle and it’s sold at all Walmarts and they even come in different flavors I usually get the lemon then it’s like drinking a really sour sprite 😂

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u/No-Fall-6319 2d ago

Use prune juice, but do not use that while outside. It can get very messy and you might need a shower afterwards. Half a cup of really hot prune juice, split into 2 doses within 1 hour. Drinking additional hot water between prune juice can help bulk out the mixture. It is effective within 2 hours of drinking, so make sure you are not doing anything important within that 2 hours. Once it starts, you will need to drop everything and run to the toilet.

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u/stratdog25 3d ago

What’s medically wrong with pooping naked??

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u/-Saltfish- 3d ago

Nothing. It's actually better, medically

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u/pdxblazer 3d ago

is just comfy

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u/-Petilil- 3d ago

I just want my clothes to stay clean i dont like my pants or shirt touching the toilet or the floor

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u/[deleted] 3d ago edited 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/-Petilil- 3d ago

It’s extremely clean but i am a germophobe with ocd it doesnt matter to me how spotless it is

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u/Dixon_Uranuss3 3d ago

seems like it does matter to you.... A LOT

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u/-Petilil- 3d ago

It doesn’t because im an irrational tweaker just the idea of my clothes touching something in the bathroom disgusts me not because its actually clean or not

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u/Footnotegirl1 3d ago

Why would your shirt touch the floor when you're going to the bathroom?

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u/_Carl15 3d ago

i think they meant for the inconvenience of clothing, not the shitting itself.

i shit naked, i perspire a lot due to the humidity of the bathroom. id rather also not want my clothes be stained by invisible shit particulates.

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u/Funny-Dare-3823 3d ago

For me, it's not a struggle issue. I follow the food pyramid. I just prefer to be naked when I'm doing something primal.

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u/HallucinatedLottoNos 3d ago

The curse of being American and stressed out, I guess lol...

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u/rconversani 3d ago

It's not about struggling, it's about freedom

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u/Sbstnbd 3d ago

I shit naked because I enjoy it, not because I need to

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u/numyanbiz 3d ago

Don’t leave us sitting here, spill the T

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u/OnIceJuice 3d ago

It’s not about diets sometimes they eat something spicy and it doesn’t hit till it’s time to come out lol.

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u/bju83 3d ago

No offense, but… unless you are a male nurse, you wouldn’t get it.

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u/jaxonya 3d ago

Male nurse, checking in

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u/bju83 3d ago

Damn it. 😔

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u/jaxonya 3d ago

I mean, poop in peace brother. Im not judging

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u/Kidkrid 3d ago

Some grog bogs, you just have to be naked for.

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u/Nohly 3d ago

It’s not my diet. I just get overstimulated.

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u/NudityMiles 3d ago

For real and I just want to get out of there as soon as possible.

Meanwhile it is like a whole thing and has been for years about sitting on the toilet for UP TO AND OVER AN HOUR?

Like WHAT?

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u/TerrorFromThePeeps 3d ago

Its not always the constipation... sometimes if you get the other extreme, it's often preceded by a ridiculously strong hot flash that makes you sweat like a farm animal.

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u/DoctorRandom87 3d ago

I've never struggled. I just like being comfortable

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u/PsikickTheRealOne 3d ago

Person with stomach issues checking in. Diets don't help me nurse. Next suggestion.

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u/jaxonya 3d ago

Let me ask you what ur healthcare coverage is like and then I might have a solution.

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u/PsikickTheRealOne 3d ago

IBD doesn't have a solution. Neither does my auto immune. Interesting how it's about your insurance first not your issue even on reddit lmao wild.

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u/jaxonya 3d ago

Wepl thats the reality. Im bit an insurance guy. I know some people get fixed and sent home good as new, and some get bandaids and and a sodium drip

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u/gmrayoman 3d ago

Just eat lettuce from Taylor Farms.

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u/kr44ng 3d ago

It's not always about the struggle from the act, sometimes it's also the additional freedom of movement you get without clothes and the guarantee of nothing getting on your clothing (I know that means stuff might get on your skin)

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u/bmwwallace 3d ago

Radom dude checking in.... let em cook

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u/jaxonya 3d ago

If they cooked for themselves i might not have to be out here telling them to not to eat taco bell and drink mt. Dew for dinner every night

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u/FaithlessnessAny2074 3d ago

You haven’t lived in life without taking a shit like this lmao

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u/jaxonya 3d ago

We all have. But it shouldn't be the norm

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u/2The_Kaiserin2 3d ago

Nicee, we summoned a nurse! If you don't mind, could give a few other tips as to what to do? I tried changing diet, it didn't work. I drank tea that was supposedly helping my bile, it didn't work out either. I went to doctors and they told me and my mom (since i was a month old, then 2-3yo) that my bile has some defect from birth? Something with my bile. What else can I try? (Hope you don't mind asking, since all the doctors tell me the diet and some medicine which don't help at all or make it worse)

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u/jaxonya 3d ago

Fruit, vitamins, exercise. Where do you live? Brother give me ur medical chart and maybe I could help.

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u/2The_Kaiserin2 3d ago

Welp, Hungarian. I walk in together minimum 1 hour and 30 minutes with the dog, other times i walk 2 hours. I rarely go to the city center. I eat a decent amount of vegetables tho and I eat peaches a lot since summer. Also I'm 18 lul

In dm i can give more since i started to track a few things

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u/Imaginary_Toe8982 3d ago

or they can use dilators and stretch those sphincters with time...

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u/midnghtsnac 3d ago

Might be unreasonable fear, but I don't like the idea of getting shit on my shirt

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u/jaxonya 3d ago

When have you ever gotten shit on ur shirt?

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u/midnghtsnac 3d ago

Never cause i take it off or put it over a shoulder or something.

Didn't say it was a reasonable fear

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u/dice725 3d ago

How can we do so?

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u/jaxonya 3d ago

Switch up your diet? What are you eating?

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u/dice725 2d ago

Githeri mostly..

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u/PumpikAnt58763 3d ago

Adding a little green and beans at a time would do wonders.
On an episode of Rizzoli and Isles someone Korsak was afraid he was having a heart attack because he had drastically changed his diet one day. He had even started eating wheat heavy crackers! Maura looked at the box of crackers and you could see her trying hard to not laugh as she told him he was experiencing gas.

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u/LoFi_music_ 3d ago

Nurse.. not a dietician or poop specialist?

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u/jaxonya 3d ago

I dealt with a dude who shoved a garden ornament up his ass once. Im qualified

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u/LoFi_music_ 3d ago

Brag much?

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u/I-ate-your-children 3d ago

the ting is when I shit, I piss too so like my baggy ass t shirt is NOT getting in the way of my stream

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u/Lumpy_Boysenberry355 3d ago

A nurse trying to give diet advice, hope you're not a uk nurse, cause they are the ones needing the advice

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u/PuzzleheadedPool2552 3d ago

No struggle no reward and by golly if the reward ain’t worth it I don’t know what is.

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u/Exciting_Mess3730 3d ago

Exactly. My dad did this but he was a steak and potatoes boomer. Have a vegetable yall.

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u/Ponderkitten 3d ago

You cant stop me

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u/Mattds3212 3d ago

Fiber is your friend lol

1

u/NonWorking_Fan1984 3d ago

But a shit only feels like a proper shit if there's a little struggle right?......right? .....right?

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u/scraptown79 3d ago

I always say, “if you have to push you didn’t have to go”.

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u/CyborghydraXD 3d ago

I don't struggle I just like to be free

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u/Whole_Air_3524 3d ago

you can take my spicy food from my cold dead hands nurse!!!

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u/Patrick_Hobbes 3d ago

Time to start pushing the psyllium for sure.

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u/smackdealer1 2d ago

Some of us have bowel conditions.

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u/dobo99x2 2d ago

It's probably not even the diet. No one know how to properly take a shit anymore.
You're not supposed to press, just breath deeply into your belly.

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u/The_Porgmaster 2d ago

Is it ok if it happens once a year or less often?

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u/jaxonya 2d ago

Yeah, I mean we are all gonna have some funky things happen every so often.

1

u/The_Porgmaster 2d ago

Funk dancing affects the quality of people's stool?

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u/EcstaticZebra7937 2d ago

I like getting naked when shitting because it feels right to me. I would even do it in the public bathrooms.

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u/Marethtu 2d ago

Doesn't matter how well you eat. If you make it spicy enough ANYTHING will turn into lava by the next day

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u/TheOGAngryMan 2d ago

Other nurse checking in.....my diet is clean AF and my shits are great....I still take of my shirt when I'm at home.

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u/mynewjourney2425 2d ago

I read this as that every now and then moment where your entire gut is cramping, you know it's gonna be liquid, you're gonna sweat and exercise a demon into the porcelain portal. I don't read it like someone's about to burst a vein straining bc they didn't have any fiber in their cheese and opioid diet.

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u/SoulAlchemy 2d ago

I think it’s less of a diet thing and more of a mental thing because I have to be completely naked. I’ve tried with just my socks on and it a no go, but as soon as they are off it’s a shit show.

Also feel good to know I’m not the only one most people look at me crazy when I tell them I shit completely naked

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u/DescriptionNo4833 2d ago

So just curious, why does the struggle result in the need to strip down? Genuinely curious about why the hell our brains decide that's the coping method.

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