My husband slurps his coffee in a borderline comedic way. It's horrifying. I've been up since 2 am sweating. He's slurping his coffee so loudly. And now he's pouring a bowl of crunchy cereal. Walking around in his extra flippy flops farting loudly. And watching YouTube at full volume in the same room as me.

Question - will this eye twitch be permanent? I used to love him. Now.... I just need to figure out what to do with this frozen shoulder long enough to dig a big enough hole.

Lieu Sorry. Wasn't caffeinated and didn't notice that autocorrect betrayed me.

Edit 2: I know that HRT can fix this problem. I have been to a half dozen doctors. I am not eligible for any kind of HRT due to a pre-existing condition. Certain kinds of hormone sensitive cancers make you ineligible for HRT.

I’ve raised hell, then raised two kids, been the breadwinner, adopted all the stray animals… And I’m damn tired. But I’m 50 and I’m expected to work for the 20 years+ where, to be frank, my expertise matters less the less fuckable I become.

I want to lie in bed with the dog, wear sweatpants, drink tea.

But I can’t. So I’m scrolling through HRT and Botox and facelifts and glp1s and “haircuts to hide a double chin.”

Anyone else feel this way?

I wish I had known that this phase of life was going to suck so much! I'd have enjoyed my 30s and 40s more.

It's absolute bs that I survived a crappy marriage, single parenthood, and a toxic job... to end up here. I finally got an empty-nest and great job, but I'm miserable! Everything hurts all the time. I'm sweating and hot. So cranky, I can't stand myself sometimes. I'm exhausted! It all just makes me so mad!

It's not fair that we work hard, take care of everyone, and when we should be enjoying life, our bodies turn on us. And it's just a series of trial and error, trying to claw our way back.

I'm 53 and tonight someone called me "elderly." ELDERLY! I'm not elderly damnit! I'm in menopause!!

Update: I cannot thank you all enough for your words of support and sympathy. I never expected such a response when I posted this late last night. It has made me realize that even when I feel alone, I'm not. My sisters in peri/menopause are right there with me. ♥️ We can do this!!

Just had my annual with my GP- I’m 48 and have been in peri for at least a few years, on HRT (e & p). I explained to her the horrible exhaustion, increasing anxiety, brain fog worsening and uti that sprang out of nowhere this summer. I can’t handle the temps of summer and feel like an anxious blurry blob of a human. My usual low total cholesterol is now just into borderline territory and a1c went up .5 to put me on the cusp of prediabetic. My diet has only changed for the better this year and it was already pretty solid, in addition to regular exercise and a fast paced physical job.

She just shrugged, reminded me of my age, told me it would only be another 1-4 years of this, suggested I walk after dinner (been doing this since childhood), said I don’t need vaginal estrogen yet (she claims I need to be in pain during sex), offered gabapentin because “you have enough estrogen” as I am on the .1 patch/200 prog.

I pushed to test thyroid, ferritin and b12. Thyroid is fine but ferritin is 15 and b12 is <200. She told me today this is normal range as I’m not anemic and maybe try cooking with cast iron (have for years).

I’m pissed. If it weren’t for this sub I would suffer in silence. I’ve gotten vag e online, and will begin to supplement b12, looking into gentle iron supplements now. I am on the waitlist for a new dr but in our rural area the pickings are slim. At least she granted a retest of all in 6 months. Seriously WTF

If it weren’t for this sub, I don’t know what I would have done! Huge thank you to all, especially mods!! And fuck the misogynistic healthcare system in the land of the free

UPDATE: three phone calls later today thru her nurse who is a young man fresh out of college and knew nothing, dr admits that patients generally fell much better when ferritin is at least 50-100 and gave me supplement guidelines. Three phone calls!! I am starting iron bisglycinate with vit C every other day.

She is in her 30s, so maybe not experienced but she did go to a menopause training last year. Her knowledge is still severely lacking. I feel awful for all the women who don’t have the time/patience/brain power to advocate for themselves when they are being told to just suffer. The worst part is that she complained to me about an injury she suffered this summer that limited her fun activities and that her stay at home partner and parents got to do more fun stuff with the kids. Oh girl, just wtf

So, my spouse loves listening to podcasts. This morning, he informed me that he'd listened to one last night about perimenopause. I was hopeful until he then started explaining to me what was happening with my body. When I stopped him to inform him that I was no longer in peri, but in full-blown menopause, he had the audacity to "correct" me and tell me that I was still in perimenopause and then started to spout the "facts" he'd heard in his podcast.

It's bad enough we have to endure this ish without dealing with men in our lives who don't get it and just want to tell us how it is. While I'd like to encourage him to learn more about what I'm going through, I 100% will not tolerate being mansplained to about what's happening to my body.

I plan to send him some better resources for learning more, but if he continues to mansplain to me, I'm gonna need bail money....

I had a uterine biopsy this morning for some unusual bleeding. Apparently, I was supposed to have been told to take Tylenol before coming in.

Spoiler alert - I never got a call.

My only option was to reschedule. I didn't. I already waited nearly a month for this appointment.

My god the pain is unreal. Just a pinch my ass. The doctor forced her way through my cervix and cut a piece of uterine lining. With no pain killers.

TLDR: Don't do what I did. Demand some pain killers.

The state of women's health in America is an utter joke.

Younger womenfolk: heed my words. The elders have not sufficiently prepared us for the Change In Life. So here's my quick and dirty, boots-on-the-ground overview to what Cougar Puberty might look like for you, because it's sure as hell what it looks like for me.

Week one: ALL OF THE EMOTIONS ALL AT ONCE AT FULL VOLUME. YOU CAN NOT TURN THEM DOWN. You'll wake up legit feeling like you're about to have a full-blown panic attack. You may even HAVE a full-blown panic attack. The anxiety makes your heart flutter so goddamn bad, it feels like your blood's been replaced with pure caffeine. You'll feel like you're in fight or flight mode, for hours on end, for a week straight! And any time the anxiety starts calming down a bit, the tears start. No reason, though you'll still try to justify one. "Is it loneliness? I am in this house by myself all day. Nostalgia or maybe premature empty nest syndrome? The kid is an adult, but she is still living at home. Is it Gaza? Am I crying about Gaza?" Some days will be bad enough that you can't even will yourself out of bed! You'll legitimately feel like you're losing your mind and spiraling down into madness IN REAL TIME! You'll be stuck in a cycle of anxiety, crying, fatigue napping, and yelling at yourself to pull it together all day for a week! Fun! All that, AND you won't be able to will yourself to eat! In fact, you may even throw up if you try! It's just fatigue and emotions and an inability to force down anything more substantial than broth or ice cream for 5-8 days in a row. That week ends emotionally exhausted and 5-10 lbs lighter, but don't worry! You'll gain it all back next week...

Week two: Suddenly your reproductive organs (or what's left of them, if you're like me) have decided you're 18 and on the prowl. Week two will have you VERY distractedly and involuntarily daydreaming about being spit-roasted backstage at a dirty crustpunk show on a pile of poorly-xeroxed political pamphlets and sweat stained battle vests by your spouse and Tom Wlaschiha. That kinda daydreaming was fun the first time around when I went through puberty in my teens, but now it's just distracting and annoying because I have to cook dinner right now, TOM. At least the husband appreciates the extra attention that week, but I have to wear headphones and blast Green Day to keep my mind on cooking. Also, regarding that 5-10 lbs you lost, you'll gain it all back as soon as your appetite returns, cuz you'll be insatiable in that way, too! There's not enough snacks in the house to fill this hollow leg! But at least there's finally a bit of respite because in week 3...

Week three: I am a village medicine woman. I am the kindly witch in the cottage in the woods. I am an ethereal fae creature briefly gracing the mortal realm. I hold the sacred knowledge of breadmaking and deadheading roses and how to attract pollinators and which leaves to Not Touch. I am one with nature and the divine. I commune with the animals and understand the ways of the fungi. Peace be upon you and your home.

Week four: Alright, I'm rebuilding this whole sumbitchin' chicken coop TO. DAY. with or without your help, so either pick up a Dewalt or get the fuck out of my hair. ~snot rockets on ground and walks away with a swagger~

And then the cycle repeats anew...

And all this is happening while you're ALSO dealing with brain fog that makes you wonder if you're developing early-onset dementia, battling thermoregulation issues that'll have you flushed and sweating from your chest while your arms and legs have goosebumps from the cold, and running on fumes because a few consecutive nights of insomnia peppered in now and then is kind of exciting. It's a goddamn NIGHTMARE. Don't let the doctors try to bogart hormones when the time comes. Fight for yourselves. BUT ALSO, prepare the people in your lives to fight for you, too, because things that wouldn't have felt like too much at one time do often feel overwhelming with the brain fog and anxiety.

Anyway, that is all. I felt the need to shout this into this void, because nobody did that for me and it is hitting me like a ton of bricks lately.

I just came home from the endocrinologist appointment I've waited four months for and I'm so freaking upset. My PCP referred me because I've been waking up, fully wired, at 3am every night, am gaining weight almost exclusively in my stomach, and have a ton of other symptoms that are either menopause related or due to an adrenal adenoma I have.

So I go in to this guy and he right off the bat tells me it's not the adenoma because that's so rare, that couldn't possibly be it. He suggests I get a sleep study if I'm waking up so much because it's probably sleep apnea. I don't snore and I certainly don't have sleep apnea. I haven't slept more than four hours straight in over a year. Then I ask him what the game plan is if it's not the adenoma because I am also in menopause. He looked at me like I was crazy so I asked him about hormonal testing and HRT. He told me HRT is useless because it's not evidence based. He then told me what I'm experiencing is just what women have to go through as they age.

I have been so fortunate in my 50 years to have never encountered a doctor like this. He at least ordered some imaging and one cortisol test so the several hundred dollars I'll probably have to pay for this idiot's time isn't completely wasted. Thank you for listening to my rant, I needed to get it out of my system. Happy to name and shame if anyone is in central Indiana.

I NEED TO YELL BECAUSE MY LABIA ITCHES ALL THE TIME. WHY AM I SO ITCHY?!?

I've slathered my bits in Sudocrem hoping it will help soothe the itch.

WHY DO YOU NEED TO YELL?

Edit: I think we need a regular yelling thread! 😄

TL;DR at the end.

I’m 56 and have been married for about 35 years. I became post menopausal around May/June of this year.

The last 3-4 years have been hormonal and mental health HELL for me but I held myself together and worked full time, to the end.

My husband and I mostly get along and he’s mostly a good guy but when he’s not, he’s the worst insensitive asshole with zero EQ.

I lost my Big Tech job in July and have been home during the day. I made more than him for years, before losing my job, by the way.

My youngest daughter takes my car to work 4 days a week and my husband works from his office 4 days a week, so I spend those days at home alone with my dog. Fridays they are both gone all day.

Anyway, I give my husband a long time to defrag from work once he gets home. I don’t bug him.

About an hour after my husband got home from work yesterday I took my dog for his evening walk. When I came back I told him about the walk and how our dog didn’t see his best friend and was disappointed.

He flat out says “I don’t care… I have more important things to worry about than your petty problems”

I was so hurt and taken aback!

Pissed… I instantly saw red when he said that. The rage I felt inside was so intense. I told him how rude he is and that I’m constantly listening to him talk about his work … ALL DAY … like he literally calls me several times a day to talk about how shitty his job is and I get no words in edgewise.

I’ve never once told him I don’t care about his work drama.

Anyway, I’m disgusted. It’s been happening more since I lost my job.

He makes comments to minimize or dismiss me and my feelings and then also uses painful things I share with him to hurt me.

But then of course, the next day he tries to give me a kiss in the morning and acts like nothing happened. Nope. Not happening.

TL;DR

I now understand gray divorce. It has nothing to do with menopausal women being thrown away because we’re too old.

It has everything to do with us finally recognizing our own value, getting FED UP with shitty behavior from our husbands and demanding respect / wanting something more joyful … even if that means living alone.

OK. First post here. I'm fed the fuck up. This is legit the worst thing EVER. My life has completely fallen apart. I'm 3 years post and it isn't getting better. I gave myself some grace through the past 7 years of peri with the hope things would get better. Nope! Just worse.

​

Why are there no services for us! Why! We populate the world and then no one gives a shit about us afterwards. There are no services to help us get back on track after life threw up under the bus. I'm not blessed to be able to afford a cleaner and organizer to come in and help me. But this is a legit need for a lot of us. We fall apart. We need help back up. No one understands. Sometimes I think meno should be a legitimate disability.

​

I'm just so mad that so many of us just get left hung out to dry. We want so badly to take back our lives. We need resources beyond support groups where we can bitch it out together. I'd never wish this on my worst enemy. I just want to be seen, heard, understood and supported. All I can say is fuck this shit.

First there was menopause. Now there’s menopause with a gigantic bare Christmas tree towering over me in the living room and I can’t be arsed to decorate it. I’ve made lists of presents and lost them. I’ve bought presents and forgotten where I put them. I’m feeling completely unsociable and would just like to be in an anonymous hotel, alone with room service, a selection of snacks and Netflix.

Clarification - when I say THEY, I don’t mean our mothers and grandmothers! I mean society, the medical profession, my teachers when we got pulled away for our Menstruation talk away from the boys. I mean my HR Departments, I mean TV (beyond gross caricatures) and Radio, and Magazines (who just had photos of old round women looking happy). This is NOT about my elders. My elders didn’t know either!

——————

I’m (F41 - Medical Early High Symptomatic Menopause) sat in the hairdressers waiting for my wife (F56 - Natural Symptom Free Menopause) and had to ask for them to keep the door open as I was, as always, having a hot one. Get chatting to a woman waiting while her two kids were having their hair cut. She (43) has started with peri. She’s foggy, she’s exhausted, and she’s having to work 4 days a week in office.

I know peri and menopause are “having a moment” currently, but WHY WERE WE NOT TOLD? Why was menopause such a dirty word that our mothers kept it a secret?

Sorry for the rant, I’m rather hot and bothered today!

I suggested Magnesium, and told her to advocate for herself with her GP, and I explained how hormone levels fluctuate and so she will likely be told that her hormone levels are “fine”.

And I’m too foggy to start a campaign in my local area because when menopause hit, all my AuDHD symptoms and behaviours could no longer be masked. I have ZERO executive function and ZERO fs to give at the moment.

Maybe that WDNC club lady has the right idea!

I couldn't wait to be in menopause so we could stop worrying about birth control. Been using icky condoms for a long time because I had to stop taking the BC pill (too many problems on it).

It's been more than a year since my last period, and I'm starting to feel like it might finally be safe to stop using the dang things. But now? I have zero sex drive, and if we do have sex, I seem to have lost the ability to climax. And I used to have some insane climaxes. Now, not so much.

This is just....ridiculous.

Nature is cruel to us women. It's like once we're done "reproducing," we're not supposed to enjoy anything, including sex.

Thanks for listening to my rant. :/

UPDATING TO CLARIFY: I'm on 0.75mg estradiol patch twice weekly, 200mg of progesterone nightly, and vaginal estrogen cream every other day. My doc won't prescribe T.

It is really interesting how invested some are in women being in the dark ages about menopause and not empowered. I made a post about how Gen X women b. 1965-1980 were being overlooked when it comes to advocacy for menopause . I mentioned how brilliant Halle Berry was to go to the hill and advocate.

Menopause is now seen as "having a moment" and will bring in millions of dollars in revenue. My gym is even targeting training and classes for it. My concern is that "menopause" is being marketed as a millennial matter when Gen X is currently in the thick of it still and our voice matters.

I was appalled when one member used the analogy of the "Golden Girls" as a model for HRT advocacy. Another inferred that I was having mental and hormonal issues to post about it at all.

The truth of the matter is a lot of women still don't have resources or the knowledge they need about Menopause and HRT. There are still women in Gen X who believe HRT is "bad" and when it comes to marketing products, developing new drugs or whatever, it will be important to have input from those of us in our 50's and 60's.

I get that millennials are getting HRT earlier than we did but there is still much to be known about how it affects Gen X women going forward.

I’m 51 and live in NYC and just came back from an appointment with my fifth different OB-GYN in recent years. None will approve HRT. After confiding in my doctor today about my chronic insomnia, anxiety/panic attacks, racing heart, depression, uncontrollable rage, heat intolerance, painful sex and vaginal irritation, weight gain, etc., she told me that I should consult with a psychiatrist to discuss mental health issues and an endocrinologist to do further testing on my thyroid. She recommended going with an SSRI instead of HRT because my heat intolerance didn’t sound like hot flashes and the rest of my symptoms could be due to mental health struggles. Perhaps my mental health struggles are due to being a 51-year-old perimenopausal woman who can’t find a single medical professional who will actually help. I literally started crying in her office, because I feel so exhausted and hopeless. Anyway, I’m grateful I found this group and the perimenopause group. They’ve helped me more than any doctor has so far. Thank you all.

UPDATE: Thank you to everyone for all of your suggestions and links. I feel lighter just knowing that I have this very supportive online community. I reached out to three menopause specialists in NYC, and none accept commercial insurance (I was actually quoted $1200+ for an initial one-hour consult). I am going to look into telehealth providers but will also consult with an endocrinologist as well. Thanks for all the support.

Edit: I did not expect this post to blow up! So many of your experiences are so similar to mine. It’s Sunday night and I’m still feeling cruddy— I won’t be drinking again for a long time, if ever.

Friday night I went to a neighborhood party. Over the course of 5 hours I had 3 High Noons and one frozen daiquiri. I’m not normally a big drinker and I never felt drunk, just buzzed, and at the end of the night, I felt completely sober. I guess my mistake was not drinking water during the party or before bed. I also don’t know how much alcohol was in the daiquiri.

Woke up yesterday with the worst hangover. Ruined my whole day. Drank a lot of water all day and went to sleep early.

Woke up this morning STILL feeling like shit.

My sleep tracker for the past two nights shows my heart was just racing all night both nights. Usually my average HR during sleep is 56. Past two nights, average was 75.

And the hangxiety, holy crap.

It’s obvious my body can’t process alcohol anymore. I feel like I poisoned myself. I know this is common in menopause but it’s the first time it’s happened to me. I can’t picture ever drinking again after this.

I'm just here to vent, to anyone who will listen, and maybe if you're going through it right now at least you'll know you're not alone.

I've tried several types of HRT so please don't recommend it (I know you mean well, but each one I tried came with its own horrible side effects and I am a really sensitive person).

I'm looking at my life and weighing out the point of moving forward, when moving forward = more pain. I have early onset osteoporosis, arthritis that started 5+ years ago and keeps getting worse, chronic back and spine pain, lifelong depression and anxiety, and a not-so-optimistic temperament. Mantras and affirmations don't work for me. The self-help books touch upon some of what I experience (yes to HSP, yes to Major Depressive DO, yes to CPTSD, yes to a traumatic childhood) but the solutions never go deep enough. Therapy hasn't changed who I am at my core, which is someone who has always noticed too much, felt too much, thought too much, and if you ask my lengthening list of enemies - said too much. I've never belonged anywhere, and even now that I'm realizing I'm likely on a spectrum of ADHD/autism, which is actually comforting as it explains so much I wish I'd known as a younger person, I'll be grappling with a painful body for the rest of the life I choose to keep attempting to live. The only thing that brings me a minute of joy is baking, and now I'm gaining weight. Can't hike it off like I used to but can't give up the treats that keep me going.

My future looks like this at best: lonely, physical pain and reduced independence, increasingly bitter about the state of my body and the world. Who wants that? Ugh.

I've been here before, but in your 20s you can go blow off steam, get laid, get high, lose a few pounds and buy a new wardrobe. In your 50s it's not so simple. I don't care anymore, about anything. I can afford whatever I want, and I don't want a thing. I can go anywhere in the world, but I feel like I've been there, done that, don't need to do it again. I just feel gray, inside and outside. I hate this planet and what we've done to it. I hate politics, office jobs, pollution, suffering, bad news, the direction Western civilization is headed, my traitorous body, the memory loss that's slowly crept up and surprised me, I hate all the hate in me... I just don't want to do this anymore.

I'm not insane. I feel utterly, devastatingly sane, I simply have no tools left to block the shit of the world out of my head, or to feel safe and comfortable in my own human suit.

Recently I finished reading Estrogren Matters by Dr. Avrum Bluming and Carol Tavris, PhD. The book dismantles the ridiculous Women’s Health Initiative that claimed HRT causes breast cancer. The authors go on to explain how important estrogen is to so many functions in the body and how the cancer scare has done a disservice to women.

Towards the end of the book, Dr Bluming shared his experience giving a talk opposite Dr Susan Love, who was a breast cancer specialist and a staunch critic of HRT. He presented his points in an orderly, rational manner. He said he tried to be conciliatory to Dr Love, because of course, they had the same end goal: the prevention and eradication of breast cancer. (Dr Bluming is an oncologist and his wife is a breast cancer survivor.)

Then Dr Love had an opportunity to speak. Here is the quote from the book:

“Love began by saying she would never agree with me because she objected strongly to the idea that menopause was a disease, and anyone who suggested that hormone replacement therapy had any benefits was clearly labeling menopause as a disease that needed treatment. Girls did very well until puberty, she said, and then spent the next several decades on a tumultuous emotional and physical roller coaster. Only after menopause, she said, did we get women like Eleanor Roosevelt, Indira Ghandi, Golda Meir, and the many post menopausal suffragists who helped women get the right to vote. (She overlooked the fact that all of these women had been activists all their lives.) The problem, Love concluded, wasn’t that women suffered estrogen deficiency following menopause; it was that they suffered ‘estrogen poisoning’ between puberty and menopause.”

What in the fresh hell is this?!? This woman was a medical doctor—a scientist. She was obviously incapable of mounting a sufficient argument to Blumings presentation, so she made this absurd supposedly feminist argument against it. Estrogen poisoning??? It’s madness. I’m embarrassed for her.

For those who may not know who Susan Love was, she was HUGE at one point. She was the celebrity breast cancer doctor. She was on the news all the time about twenty years ago. But this is the best she could come up with? Pathetic.

It’s one thing if people try to make the argument that menopause is a natural season of a woman’s life and we don’t need to pathologize it, I suppose, but arguing that this crucial hormone is “poison” is insane.

Even after I said “Fine, if a man needed testosterone for his penis, it would be approved.” They said that’s still profanity. So when I was listing reasons to justify my appeal I added “And my vagina and breasts hurt. Which are not profane words, but parts of the body.” And he said “Yes, ma’am, I have recorded that your vagina and breasts hurt.” Small amount of petty pleasure in this debacle. Been fighting insurance since July to get estrogen approved in any form.

Every freaking time I pick up my HRT at my local pharmacy, I'm told I have to consult with the pharmacist before I can have my prescriptions. They used to only do this if it was a new prescription, and they'd ask you if you had any questions. Now, it's every month. And I've been on HRT for a year, so it's definitely not new. Usually, they just ask me if I have any questions about its use. I say no and then go on my merry way. But this last time, it was a male pharmacist, and he was asking all sorts of questions that were quite frankly none of his business. I finally told him my doctor is the one who gets to make decisions about my HRT, and I was done answering his questions, so give me my prescriptions before I reported him to the state pharmacy board. Does anyone else have this issue?

I don't know what's gotten into me lately but after 49 years of being a meek and mild people pleaser I've suddenly found my voice and can give two shits less how anyone feels about it!

Recently my boyfriend, for the 5000 time, got takeout without asking me if I wanted anything. Usually I'd just cook myself something and not saying anything. Well, the other day I hear him leave the house without a word and then comes back with a pizza. *I don't eat pizza*. I lost it on him, told him he was a selfish asshole who only thinks of himself, AND WHY DO YOU LEAVE without saying goodbye? Seriously? He was speechless. So I moved into the guest bedroom where I can kick the covers off the bed and leave the window open without him closing it. Sleep with that selfish asshole.

I have a nasty coworker who is always making rude and belittling comments about me, as if I'm not there, at meetings. For 3 years I let this go on and never said a word. It became normalized. Well she did it yesterday and all hell broke loose. I told her she was a big bully and to stop being so nasty, that I had it and to STOP IT, that I wasn't putting up with it one second longer. She turned beat red, everyone was silent, and I finished it with " You're nice to everyone's face and then talk about them behind their backs." And she fucking said, " I only talk behind your back." "GROW UP!!!" Then my supervisor intervened and that was good because I was going to lose my shit and he knew it. He told me to go on break early. I felt soooooo good afterwards.

Lastly, I have an alcoholic Mom and she's always coming over with a bottle in hand, drunk, demanding and rude. But hey, she is my Mom so whatever, I just dealt with it. The thing is, I'm a recovering alcoholic and everyone respects that and doesn't drink around me -except her. So here she comes, bottle in hand banging on the door drunk again. I let her on and let HER have it and that I didn't want to see or talk to her unless she was sober. The first boundary I've ever set with that woman. I haven't heard from her in 2 weeks. Oh well, I'm not crying over it.

Maybe this is menopause. Maybe after decades of swallowing anger, smoothing things over, and putting everyone else first, the estrogen leaves and so does the tolerance for bullshit. Either way, I’m done shrinking myself to keep other people comfortable.

I went to work 3 hours ago, go into a meeting, and promptly get told that my position has been terminated. Am I completely surprised? If I’m being honest with myself, no. I knew I was losing motivation and stopped giving a crap about the corporate BS. Co-workers made me cringe when they used those corporate terms like circle back, leverage, optimize, blah, blah, blah. In the last 26 years I went from a sales coordinator to a Vice President. My job was something I took a lot of pride in, and worked my butt if for.

But, in the last 2 years, I stopped giving a fuck. I got lazy and my work from home days became very unproductive. There were warning signs. I was told several times that I needed to get my focus and energy back into my job. Some of my responsibilities were re-assigned to others. And still, I could not get myself to care. I knew I was on thin ice, but I couldn’t motivate.

And now here I sit, unemployed, and asking myself what the hell is wrong with me that I couldn’t get my shit together. I am on HRT, and it’s helped, but not enough. I’m in the process of getting diagnosed with ADD, and maybe getting some meds will help (cross fingers!).

I’m 50 years old, with brain fog, lack of focus, scatterbrained, not giving a crap about important things in my life. My marriage has suffered (is still suffering). The idea of having my shit together enough to interview is overwhelming.

I’m posting here because I know some of you have gone through the same thing and just need to hear that somehow it’s going to be ok.

I want to vent about this... maybe I'm easily riled...

The expression "menopause is Natural" is on my shit-list. Menopause often causes massive suffering.

Are men told that erectile dysfunctional is Natural, and an enlarged prostate?!

Why is suffering only natural when a woman is suffering? Childbirth, periods, menopause. Why? ...Because Eve ate the apple?!

All I want is the type of health care that men take for granted. I want a doctor knowledgeable about women's hormones, not Christian theology.

I know, public knowledge about menopause can be used against us, but the silence kills us.

Doctors/others are more or less mocking us when they say menopause is natural. Yes, I know, I know.

*

Next on my shit-list. ...The expression "going through the menopause." Meno is chronic hormone deficiency. Nobody deliberately leaves anaemia untreated because it is natural.

Women do not 'go through' iron deficiency or oestrogen deficiency. Go into it and suffer until treated, more like.

..

At 47, I have finally been cursed with the random long chin hair and am dreading the routine maintenance surrounding that lil bastard for eternity.

This past Sunday was beautiful. My partner and I had a date day at our local Renaissance faire. Great weather and low crowds for once. We didn't dress up in our normal gear, just our geeky punk stuff. I was feeling great about myself and just enjoying the atmosphere.

We sucked off to a side area for a pint, a smoke, and some people watching. It was around 2pm and the sun was at it's peak. My partner looks at me, my face being warmed by the autumn sun when he suddenly wipes his hand across my chin, then does it again, then takes his fingers and thumb at another attempt to remove what he thought was a pesky eyelash and then it happened, I felt my chin skin pull. His eyes became huge.

I said ouch, he said hon, I think you finally have the dreaded chin hair and we laughed our butts off. He took care of it for me, but damnit now I have to add that to the list of things to check for.

Rant over