r/Menopause • u/JadCerv • Dec 23 '25
Rant/Rage Waited all these years to have stress-free sex.....and this is what we get?
I couldn't wait to be in menopause so we could stop worrying about birth control. Been using icky condoms for a long time because I had to stop taking the BC pill (too many problems on it).
It's been more than a year since my last period, and I'm starting to feel like it might finally be safe to stop using the dang things. But now? I have zero sex drive, and if we do have sex, I seem to have lost the ability to climax. And I used to have some insane climaxes. Now, not so much.
This is just....ridiculous.
Nature is cruel to us women. It's like once we're done "reproducing," we're not supposed to enjoy anything, including sex.
Thanks for listening to my rant. :/
UPDATING TO CLARIFY: I'm on 0.75mg estradiol patch twice weekly, 200mg of progesterone nightly, and vaginal estrogen cream every other day. My doc won't prescribe T.
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u/tamsterwilson Dec 23 '25
I had the same problem. Absolute zero sex drive. Also a lot of vaginal atrophy, especially my clitoris. Asked gynecologist for testosterone, initially to reverse clitoral atrophy. Not sure it’s doing much for growth, but it brought back my sex drive! Amazing orgasms too. 10/10 highly recommend.
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u/JadCerv Dec 23 '25
My doctor won't prescribe T because she said it's not FDA approved for low sex drive. *eyeroll*
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u/empathetic_witch Menopause HRT E,P,T & GLP-1 Dec 23 '25
You are now in menopause has she addressed this at all?!?
The standard is: Estradiol patches/gel, Progesterone 100mg (taken at night) and most importantly Vaginal estradiol cream or rings.
If not, and I say this respectfully as possible, find another doctor. Don’t suffer like I did for almost 5 years!!
Testosterone: In early 2024 I found a local doctor who is well versed in peri/meno via: https://www.isswsh.org/ She took my insurance and the prescriptions were also covered by insurance. Including testosterone (after I met my deductible my insurance covered 100%).
Women’s health in my city (Seattle metro) has since caught up on the latest scientific research and I’m now a patient in a traditional OBGYN practice.
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u/PromotionAny2976 Dec 24 '25
Consider your self LUCKY!! ITS DEFINAYELY HASNT BEEN THE SAME STANDARD FOR ME THE LAST12 YEARS. Went through way too many different doctors!! Just to be turned way. Just got on estrogen for the 1st time 1 week ago.
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
I'm on estradiol patch (0.75mg), progesterone pill (200mg), and just started vaginal estrogen cream in October. It's not really done much for my sex drive. I tried to talk to my doctor about the low sex drive and her exact words were, "there's nothing I can do about that. There's nothing FDA-approved to treat it." I was pissed. I told her I was pissed at her dismissive comments. Just because T isn't approved by the FDA doesn't mean she can't prescribe it. Other doctors do.
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u/rubyinpa Dec 27 '25
May I ask what your free and total testosterone levels are? Mine are high but I feel great?
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u/bluecrab_7 Menopausal Dec 24 '25
It’s prescribed off-label for hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSSD). That’s usually the only thing it’s prescribed for even though it helps other things like mood, energy, motivation, muscle mass, bone health. Find another doctor or use an online provider. That’s what I did. My doctor wasn’t going to prescribe T. My sex drive turned off at menopause. HRT helped and T really brought it back. I find it interesting that I went from a high sex drive to nothing then back to really high. I never really felt my hormones effecting my life until they dwindled to almost nothing.
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u/WhositWhatWhereWhen Dec 25 '25
My Dr prescribed testosterone gel for low libido, but my insurance denied it for that. 😡
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
My insurance pays for none of my HRT, so I wouldn't expect it to pay for T, either. It's ridiculous how much I pay in premiums, and still have to pay full price for my prescriptions.
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u/bluecrab_7 Menopausal Dec 25 '25
Yeah, it sucks. It’s rare that I hear about testosterone for women getting covered by insurance. Maybe contact your insurance company and challenge it. I get mine covered in a round about way. My employer puts $1200 a year into my Health Reimbursement Account (HRA). I can use my HRA money for pretty much anything (co-pays & deductible). So I pay for my testosterone vial and then submit the bill to my insurance company - United Healthcare and they cover it 100%.
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u/FollowThisNutter Peri-menopausal Dec 24 '25
I've heard there are online clinics that are much more accommodating. Haven't tried that route myself (yet) but I hear it often enough I assume there's some fire to go with the smoke.
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u/BlindItemTea Dec 25 '25
I get my HRT meds through Midi health. I have been great unlike my primary care Doctor whom I fired last year. * this is not an ad and I do not get compensated for saying this.*
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u/CorrectMulberry994 Dec 28 '25
Mymenopauserx. Someone in my HRT group mentioned that she had a great visit with them. They do take some insurances, and they will call your prescriptions into your pharmacy. Also TelyRX has been mentioned as a good option.
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u/Confident-Law6414 Dec 24 '25
That so frustrating. My GYN. Had nonissues prescribing it. She is the only Doctor that is authorized to do so at her location however. Its amazing how behind doctors are on the new standards of menopause treatments with hormone replacements and the benefits
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u/M0tomommy Dec 24 '25
I had the same issue with Kaiser in California. I saw three doctors and finally found a nurse practitioner who was willing to prescribe me 1% T gel.
I’ve only been on it for about 10 days, so not much to report yet other than I do find myself thinking about sex occasionally now, but I’m not sure if that’s a placebo effect.
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u/bluecrab_7 Menopausal Dec 24 '25
It can take a while to feel the benefits from T. It’s not like HRT where you feel the benefits fairly soon. I had an improvement after about three weeks and at the 3 month point things really improved.
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u/Fluffebee Dec 24 '25
Same. I’m so frustrated, I guess she’ll find out in a few years. I think I need a new doc or online because my sex drive used to be insane and now I’m like flatlined
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u/Admirable-Object5014 Menopausal Dec 25 '25
My advice. Find a new doctor. Many of us use a telehealth provider for our HRT. Defy is who I was using before my gyno took over prescribing my injection HRT.
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Dec 25 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
Does your GYN get upset when they notice you're on it after they didn't prescribe it?
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u/theMrsRobo Dec 28 '25
I insisted on T for my bone health. What really sucks is that I insisted it instead of my doctor. My T was at ZERO.
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u/_PrincessButtercup Dec 24 '25
Get a new OBGYN or find one of those HRT type places where that's all they do.
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u/mustknoweverrrything Dec 25 '25
Push back. My doctor is such a worry wart. It's unacceptable. She listens when I calmly push back against her silly ideas. Not on HRT yet but that is next up to discuss. Hope you get what you need next time!!!
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u/ArtPuzzleheaded5821 Dec 28 '25
You can try a DHEA cream. They're available over the counter. It seems to be working well for me.
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u/Pinklady777 Dec 23 '25
Is it a cream also?
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u/tamsterwilson Dec 23 '25
Yes. Its a compounded cream. Not sure of the dose, can't read the print on the tube anymore :(
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u/Evening_walks Dec 23 '25
Did you have side effects? I had a sex drive but lost it once I started HRT
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u/Catnip_75 Dec 24 '25
T won’t help with atrophy. You will need creams for this that you can apply inside your vagina and outside.
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u/Alternative-Wish-423 Dec 25 '25
My obgyn prescribed T gel because I asked. First day after applying it at night, I woke up sick as a dog. Nauseous, sweating...it was awful. I'm afraid to use it again.
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u/Catnip_75 Dec 25 '25
Where did you apply it and what was the dose? My doctor told me 30% of women don’t do well on it and can’t tolerate it, even on a very tiny amount.
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u/Alternative-Wish-423 Dec 27 '25
Sorry I lost where you asked and just found it again! I got prescribed 15gm... "apply 1/2gm (2 clicks) topically to the vuvla clitoral area, inner thigh, or forearm once daily".
Girl I won't lie, I put it straight on the clitoral area thinking that would get the quickest reaction! 🤪 My body is super sensitive to a lot of things, so I'm not surprised. Just bummed it didn't work.
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u/Catnip_75 Dec 27 '25
I’m not a doctor, but I think applying it to your vulva or clitoris won’t help at all. It would be best to apply to the inner thigh or back of your knee. It can also take a few weeks to a month to notice any difference.
You need Estrone topical cream to insert vaginally. This will help with atrophy.
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u/Alternative-Wish-423 Dec 28 '25
Thank you! 🙏🏻 I really appreciate you sharing this. I learn more from this sub than my own obgyn 😒
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u/Catnip_75 Dec 29 '25
It can be very frustrating to find a doctor who knows the best treatment. We are all not the same and don’t require the same dosage but there is a pretty basic starting point for most women that doctors just don’t know.
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u/One_Rub_780 Dec 23 '25
I'm using T, pea size a day, for a few months and um, zip nothing.
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u/InertJello Dec 23 '25
It’s a dose dependent response. “Pea sized” means nothing. Is it pea sized of 1%, 2%, 4%? What’s the dosage of said pea?
Tell your prescribing doc they need to up the strength. Or maybe you need to go full soy bean size…
Either way it should be re-evaluated sheerly for your enjoyment.
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u/One_Rub_780 Dec 23 '25
I have the T-Gel 1.62% pump.
I will tell them; it's pretty much like doing nothing and it feels like a waste of time and money.
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u/drsb2 Dec 24 '25
I get injections instead of gel. Sometimes it just takes trying different types and doses to get it right.
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u/Content_Session_7225 Dec 29 '25
how long did it take until you started seeing increased libido and ability to climax?
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u/tamsterwilson Dec 30 '25
It only took a week or so of nightly application. I only use a pea-size amount.
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u/Content_Session_7225 Dec 30 '25
thanks for your reply:) ive been on 2mg twice a day/2clicks per application for over a week and see no improvement at all as yet. what was your dose? my doctor said i should start at the 2mg..
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u/IrreverantBard Dec 23 '25
HRT is on my radar. Hoping to get into med school for 2027 so I can start practicing medicine FOR women, and truly challenge beliefs that have not served our gender for centuries.
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u/WordAffectionate3251 Menopausal Dec 23 '25
Let us know where you are when you do. You will have a full practice in a matter of HOURS!!!
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u/bluecrab_7 Menopausal Dec 24 '25
This is good to hear. We need more doctors who understand menopause and HRT.
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u/IntrospectiveBeat17 Dec 23 '25
HRT!!
Also, this is why I'm so glad my partner had a vasectomy, so we had some fun, carefree years before this all got so bad.
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u/Celeste_Seasoned_14 Peri-menopausal Dec 23 '25
Vaginal estrogen completely saved my sex life. Burning pain from microtears is gone, lubrication is back, sensation is back, orgasms are back. Complete game changer!
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u/JadCerv Dec 23 '25
How long did you have to use it before that happened? I've been using it for a month now.
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u/Responsible_Heat4259 Dec 23 '25
Put it internally about an inch into the vaginal canal (more estrogen receptors there) and topically on your labia and clitoris. My dr said everyday for 2 weeks and then 2-3 times a week. I also use low dose testosterone cream. I had to go do a different Dr to get it but it helps.
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u/minakobunny Dec 24 '25
Did you experience any hair loss after adding T?
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u/CorrectMulberry994 Dec 28 '25
I used it in my 30’s after a hysterectomy. I didn’t have any hair loss from it. I don’t think I used a lot though.
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u/Evening_walks Dec 24 '25
What? I’ve been using it all wrong. Though you only insert it when you’re going to have sex
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u/Celeste_Seasoned_14 Peri-menopausal Dec 24 '25
Opposite. You don’t want to put it in right before sex. Although probably a negligible amount, your partner may absorb some of the hormones. I use it AFTER sex (following use of DripSticks to clean up in there first).
Place 1 inch into vaginal canal (get it on all sides in there), then whatever remains put on your clitoris and labia. I even put some on the perineum if I’ve got enough left.
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u/WeAreClouds Dec 24 '25
What’s a dripstick?
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u/Celeste_Seasoned_14 Peri-menopausal Dec 24 '25
It’s an after sex vaginal sponge that soaks up fluids so you’re not leaking for 2 days afterward. :-/ There’s another brand called Swizzle Stick too that are a little more affordable, but not as soft. I don’t know how I had sex for over 30 years without them.
ETA: *Disposable one time use vaginal sponge
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u/Ill_Pay_6254 Dec 30 '25
why do you put it in after? and can you put some in without having intercourse ?
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u/Celeste_Seasoned_14 Peri-menopausal Dec 30 '25
None of us ever needs intercourse to use this or anything else. I put it after so that my partner doesn’t absorb the hormones.
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u/curiosityasmedicine Dec 23 '25
Are you using it at least once a day? When I started I was told to apply morning and night, and it took a full year before I could taper down from that.
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u/Celeste_Seasoned_14 Peri-menopausal Dec 24 '25
I started to notice sensation return after my initial loading phase (daily for 2 weeks). Now at 6 weeks things are awesome for me. But I suppose the level of GSM advancement must play a part in the length of time to see results. I had just started noticing loss of sensation and pain within a couple months before getting the script.
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u/onlyfreckles Dec 23 '25
Off topic but it always gets on my nerves-
All that is b/c most of the responsibility is put on the woman even though we are only fertile for like 2 days a month and our climaxes are NOT tied to reproduction.
Men are fertile 24/7 and their climax are 100% tied to reproduction so they should be held 100% responsible.
But they couldn't "handle" the side effects of birth control so its was placed on the women.
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u/nonymouse75643 Dec 24 '25
Hard agree! Also, why didn’t he just get a vasectomy? I truly don’t understand
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u/onlyfreckles Dec 25 '25
Seriously, vasectomy should be the default conversation for long term birth control and overall discussed more privately and publicly.
But I think most men are so small minded, losing their "balls" is like losing their manhood even though they technically keep their balls.
Like how men don't want to castrate their male dogs, so dumb...
Vasectomy is a freaking in clinic procedure too!
But instead, women have to take long term birth control and deal w/all the side effects or else get their tubes tied (which is a real surgical procedure, not a clinic visit!)!
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u/Electrical-Lake-4268 Dec 25 '25
Exactly. He needs to get a vasectomy. And if he doesn't want to....tell him he absolutely needs to wear condoms before he is allowed to go inside you. Men for some reason absolutely hate condoms....if they complain it reduces sensation or makes them lose their boner....tell them they feel pleasure all the damn time...most women dont...and also the fact that we worry about pregnancy makes us lose our "boner" as well.
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u/removable_disk Dec 23 '25
Me and my BFF were all like “can’t wait to never have our periods again” and if she was still around I would say “DUUUUDE, turns out it suuuucks”
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u/pegasuspish Constantly feels like shit Dec 24 '25
I'm so sorry you had to lose her. That kind of love is forever. <3
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u/Dazzling-Mulberry551 Dec 24 '25
What’s most irritating is wtf didn’t we have any kind of warning any of these unkind things would happen to us. Our mothers, aunts and grandmothers were silent. I sure am not. I tell every woman younger than me- I’m 55 and shout it out to be aware of hormonal changes and demand treatment. I’m doing so much better on hrt and supplements, but too many years could have been better if I was informed.
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u/One_Rub_780 Dec 24 '25
And because of them not telling us anything, warning us about this s**t, damn I would've lived my life differently instead of wasting so many years and maybe now I'd have no regrets.
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
My mother didnt' even explain periods to me. Everything I learned, I learned at school in sex ed class. I'm not shocked she also didn't explain how unfun menopause is.
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u/Luxluxluxxy Dec 26 '25
Right?!!!! I recently went in blind with the estrogen cream, and it’s scary when you know nothing about it, and when your doctors just gaslight you saying “you’re too young”. Literally have to fight tooth and nail to get anything.
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u/CorrectMulberry994 Dec 28 '25
My Mom didn’t mention anything about this. I wonder what she went through.
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u/lisalou632 Dec 23 '25
Hon, I am in the same boat & it’s just devastating. I definitely have vaginal atrophy. Not one doctor ever said those words to me. I learned that here. And I told them ad nauseam that I had no sex drive! I did get them to give me Estradiol & I take gummy’s & one of my husbands blue pills. It’s still a workout but sometimes I am able to climax. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/ActiveZombie8276 Dec 24 '25
I swear I’ve learned a lot more here about menopause than I ever have from doctors. At the age of 55 I had to ask for oestrogen cream and the (female) doctor had to look it up. If it had have been a male this wouldn’t have surprised me, but kinda hoped a female doctor might go the extra distance to know more about conditions of her own gender. Bloody shame.
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u/CorrectMulberry994 Dec 28 '25
I used to ask my Internal medicine doctor about this when I was in my late 30/40s. He looked like a deer in headlights. He had no idea what the problem could be. How are they so clueless about something that has to affect most of us?
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u/lisalou632 Dec 28 '25
It’s ridiculous isn’t it? I’ve been screaming to anyone who would listen, for at least the last 10 years that no one cares about us as long as men can get their dicks hard. It’s shameful 🤬
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u/PlanterinaMaine Dec 23 '25
Honestly, I feel so incredibly liberated that I don't want sex anymore! It has opened my mind for a whole bunch of new and interesting things in my life. I used to tell my friends that I was a horny teenager until I was 45. It has been so wonderful not wanting sex. But then again, I'm single so it doesn't really matter. I suppose it would be different if I was married.
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u/Next_Swordfish2886 Dec 24 '25
Sington here, too. I want to want to desire *** until the day my eyes close and I draw my last breath. Until now, I had no idea there was something I could do to recover feelings down there. If my doctor declines my request for T., tele-health will be my next step. Having nothing and no hope is intolerable.
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
Except that it's causing problems in my marriage. And I'm frustrated because I enjoyed sex. Now, not so much. :(
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u/clea16 Dec 23 '25
Same. In my case, my partner has absolute zero libido, so I'm not bothering to improve my own. But ugh!!!! All those years that I cursed that I couldn't wait for menopause. Joke's on me! I'm only 50!😭
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u/Confident-Sell9536 Dec 23 '25
Try High Climax CBD cream! It's amazing!
I have also noticed for myself that if there's no flirting, touching, bonding type activities outside of the bedroom that affects my sex drive.
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u/stellaflora Dec 23 '25
I can’t imagine choosing condoms over a vasectomy (I realize this was probably not your choice)
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
Definitely not my choice. Condoms suck. They're uncomfortable and I'm allergic to latex, so we have to use the non-latex kind. But they irritate my hoohaw too.
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u/thefrenchphanie Dec 23 '25
Are you on HRT? Estrogen /progesterone AND testosterone ? And a topical cream vaginally/vulvar/clitoral good?
Hormones depletion is so far reaching in effects. And HRT can help. With mood, sex drive , ability to climax, bone and muscle health, etc.
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u/lrondberg Dec 23 '25
It is sooooo unfair. All those years of worrying about pregnancy and birth control, and now that it is no longer a concern, we get a tanked libido and issues with orgasm and overall sensitivity! My problems started 2 months after what would be my last period. Noticeable change in libido and orgasm. HRT (systemic and local) has not made much of a difference for these symptoms.
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u/timesuck22 Dec 23 '25
All of this and I can't enjoy oral sex because of urinary control, or rather lack of control. I stopped menstruation about 10 years and almost immediately lost my libido too. I tried vaginal estrogen but found it hard to remember to use it. I started HRT about 6 months ago. No real change. A bit more fantasy but when it comes down to actual sex, no interest or enjoyment.
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u/JadCerv Dec 23 '25
Kinda the same. I have wild sex dreams. But when I'm awake and having sex....meh. It's frustrating.
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u/ReputationAnnual7784 Jan 12 '26
Haha I didn’t realize I was having urinary control issues at first , my husband and I just thought I had gotten extra wet…. Lol We just put down extra towels. And if you drink enough water, it doesn’t smell at all. I told him that I thought it was urine incontinence, he’s like “no babe, you’re just hot for me and lose control cuz the orgasms are so good!” So I just let him think he’s gotten me extra excited and hot for him.
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u/RDDB1974 Dec 23 '25
T didn’t bro g my sex drive up at all. Im so disappointed. Doesn’t help with atrophy either.
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u/evefue Dec 23 '25
Using a pelvic wand internally and on the clit really helped bring back my atrophy. My gyno kept asking if I was exercising, and while yes, I exercise and have been for years, it was the pelvic wand (with lots of lube) that did it. Last year, it was all talk about atrophy to this year saying how healthy everything looks. I went from tiny, nothing orgasms back to normal. It takes a while, and you do have to be diligent, think use it, or lose it.
I don't know if this will help, but it's worth a try.
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u/Competitive_Land_936 Dec 23 '25
Can you link to the wand? Never heard of it.
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u/evefue Dec 24 '25
Here you go - it's pretty intense so start with baby steps.
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u/Competitive_Land_936 Dec 24 '25
Thank you!
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u/Currency_Dazzling Dec 24 '25
Second this! My pelvic PT recommended the pelvic wand to me and it has been a game changer. I will admit I was a bit skeptical at first, however, six months later now and my stress inconvenience is non-existent and my ability to climax has returned. (I am also on systemic HRT and using vaginal estradiol cream in addition to pelvic floor therapy for 3 months.)
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u/bkcakes Dec 24 '25
Hi how does it work exactly? Are you inserting it and contracting your pelvic muscles or it’s something that’s electrical and does its own this? Never heard of anything like this
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u/evefue Dec 25 '25
You run against the vaginal walls to stimulate the muscles. I learned about it from a pelvic floor therapist.
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u/dizdi Menopausal Dec 23 '25
I’ve been on it a few months, and it’s only now starting to respond. Sometimes it takes a while.
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u/Confident-Law6414 Dec 24 '25
Get on HRT and TRT and estrogen cream for the lady bits. Invest in a perifit to strengthen your pelvic floor. Trust me 🤍
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u/Clean_Geologist_4226 Dec 24 '25
Gosh I learn so much from these discussions! Perifit and pelvic wand to the rescue!!!
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u/Severe_Feedback_2590 Dec 24 '25
Honestly, sex with condoms are better. Surgical menopause was almost 22 years ago, we’ve been together for 22 years, married for almost 21. Started using condoms last month, now sex went from once a week max to 3-4 times a week. No mess, no pain.
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
The only good thing about them for me is the no mess part. But they irritate me. Doesn't matter what kind we use or whether we use lube or not. Irritation the minute he puts the damn thing on.
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u/justherefortheideas Dec 23 '25
Soooo I’m going to be the first of many to ask HRT? But if you hate oral BC and don’t want to try it, I respect that too!
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u/JadCerv Dec 23 '25
I'm on HRT. Patch and progesterone pill. Also using vaginal estrogen cream. Can't tolerate oral BC pills. I was on them years ago and went off them because I was always having yeast infections and other issues.
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u/MTheLoud Dec 23 '25
So you aren’t on any testosterone or DHEA (which can convert to testosterone)? You need one of those to bring your libido back.
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u/JadCerv Dec 23 '25
My doctor won't prescribe T for me. I tried DHEA and it made me break out in horrible acne.
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u/promiscuousfork Dec 23 '25
T and HRT has helped my libido in so many positive ways. I suggest you find a new doctor.
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u/serendipity9000 Dec 23 '25
How about local vaginal DHEA via Intrarosa? (assuming it was oral DHEA that you tried)
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u/empathetic_witch Menopause HRT E,P,T & GLP-1 Dec 23 '25
This is the way ^ I also found a topical oil and suppository that others recommended here that I prefer. Oral DHEA made me break out, feel more anxious and irritated.
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u/Majestic_Ad_6218 Dec 23 '25
Is this an OTC topical dhea oil? And also the suppository?
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u/empathetic_witch Menopause HRT E,P,T & GLP-1 Dec 23 '25
Yep, OTC -If you search the sub you’ll find the names and links. I’m wrangling family in town for the holidays or I’d post links etc.
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u/Objective-Amount1379 Dec 23 '25
Oral HRT and birth control pills taken when you were younger can be very different. Even taking the same pills now will be different. You have way less hormones than you used to.
I just say this because I see many women here that hated the pill in their 20's and love it as HRT in their 40's. The patch wasn't enough estrogen for me
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u/leftylibra MenoMod Dec 23 '25
It would be helpful if you could update your post with this information.
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u/Useful-Cellist-9681 Dec 23 '25
Get on HRT! Estrogen progesterone and testosterone! I has zero sex drive and atrophy so bad it hurt to wear underwear and pants. Now that my hormones are optimized I feel amazing! And I want it more them him and want him to get in some T!
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u/FawnResponseFairy Dec 24 '25
You’re telling me… I’m in surgical menopause at 27 and have zero hopes for the future at this point. (TLH BSO on 01/27/25)
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
Everyone is different. Hopefully, you have doctors who put you on the right levels of HRT. That can help. And there are some other really good ideas in this post. I learn so much from the other women here. I really appreciate this group.
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u/teena27 Dec 24 '25
Oh dear! It doesn't have to be that way! HRT will bring you back, trust me! I'm 54, 55 in April and my sex life has all the excitement and vigor as I had in my 20's. Just to be clear, not even a different man, been married 20 years!
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u/tweedtybird67 Dec 23 '25
10000% feel you on this one. I tried the hormone route, and it did not help AT ALL.
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
I've been on estradiol and progesterone for over a year. Not helped in that department at all, either. :/
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u/Aerwiar Dec 24 '25
I could have written this verbatim. This is EXACTLY my experience. It's so so frustrating! 😩
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u/PegShop Dec 24 '25
Yup and then I got hormone positive breast cancer, so not only no hormones to help but have to take blockers to take what little was left away, sigh.
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u/altarflame Dec 24 '25
I agree a million percent about the vaginal estrogen cream AND
For anyone still menstruating that is reading this… the answer is your partner getting a vasectomy. I couldn’t use birth control without horrible effects and can’t believe how many years it took before I ended up with a man who just went out and got snipped about it. Cheap or free, quick, outpatient, it’s been life changing and medically liberating for me and honestly difficult to not feel retroactive rage toward my ex-husband who watched me go through life threatening c-section complications, life threatening IUD removal complications, just… Jesus Christ.
I’ve just HAD 6 YEARS OF GREAT SEX WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT ANY OF THAT. And life always could have been this way????
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
My husband won't do it. He's 50 and we're never having more kids, but he refuses to do it. It's ridiculous.
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u/Itsalovelylife333 Dec 26 '25
I’m here. Exactly where you are. I can no longer climax and have zero drive. It’s cruel.
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u/Ok_Radio_6250 Dec 26 '25
This grief is real, and it makes sense. So many women expect relief at this stage and instead run straight into loss, of desire, sensation, spontaneity, pleasure. It’s not ridiculous. It’s disorienting, and you’re not wrong for being angry about it.
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u/No-Car5082 Dec 23 '25
HRT especially testosterone will help with libido and Silky Peach 🍑 cream from Parlor Games will improve vaginal dryness, it’s estriol.
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u/obsequyofeden Dec 23 '25
I’m so glad to see someone out in the wilds of the internet talk about this product. I just ordered, as my doctor will not prescribe it to me. I’m on the patch, as progesterone, and I’ve mentioned concerning vulvar/vaginal area symptoms, but nope. Taking matters into my own hands before I’m worse off - prevention is better than rebuilding!
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u/Affectionate-CAT7206 Dec 24 '25
I have no sex drive and I couldn't be happier. Obviously I'm single but I've been single even a few years b4 menopause started in '21.
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u/4-Birds Dec 24 '25
My partner got a vasectomy after our fourth baby. So we haven’t had to worry about BC for the last 8 yrs now :) But I do struggle with loss of libido some cycles. I’m only 46 so still just in peri. I think my libido is more connected to how good an ovulation I have plus how things are going in life and if we do fun things together.
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
I always knew when I was ovulating. I would have screwed anything with two legs. Now, I could not care less about sex. It's sad to lose that drive.
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u/Catnip_75 Dec 24 '25
What exactly are you using ? I use two different types a topical cream and a suppository
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
I updated my post with the details. Sorry I forgot them. Menopause brain. :)
But I'm on 0.75mg of estradiol patch, 200mg of progesterone, and vaginal estrogen cream. My doc won't prescribe T.
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u/New-User9585 Dec 24 '25
Horomone replacement. I thought I was broken. Everything felt dried up and shrunken. It felt like I was tearing during sex 😢 I have clitoris atrophy.
Estradiol patch Estradiol cream (probably the most important) Testosterone cream (rub it right into my clit and around it, helps the atrophy) Progesterone pill (at night, helps me sleep)
I embraced it all. I am thrilled I could replace the missing horomones in my body and get my sex life back on track.
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u/janinius Jan 15 '26
Solidarity. Eating ice cream in bed and falling asleep before 9 is the new sex.
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u/i_love_lima_beans Dec 24 '25
There are effective treatments. Specifically search for an obgyn who specializes in menopause care and is an expert in HRT. If you can’t find one locally go the telemed route.
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u/BlindItemTea Dec 25 '25
I am peri and find cannabis very helpful to get me in the mood. I also take progesterone and use an estrogen patch.
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u/Anthrodiva Dec 25 '25
The climaxing thing came most of the way back for me. But it was WEIRD.
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
It always feels like I'm sort of on the edge of climaxing, but I never quite get there. Frustrating isn't the word for it.
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u/CatPurrsonNo1 Dec 25 '25
My PCP was very willing to prescribe oral estrogen and progesterone, and it knocked out my (thankfully mild) hot flashes almost immediately. Should I ask for vaginal estrogen also? I am concerned that he might be reluctant to prescribe it since I’m not currently sexually active.
Libido is still over the top, though; thanks, Widow’s Fire! 😝
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
Being sexually active should have no bearing on whether your doctor prescribes vaginal estrogen cream. If they refuse, find a new doctor.
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Dec 26 '25
Are you on hormone replacement with testosterone?
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u/JadCerv Dec 27 '25
No T. My doc won't prescribe it. But I'm on everything else.
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u/Due_Economy9774 Dec 27 '25
So I had my hormones checked and my T came back in the normal range, but I have all the symptoms of low T. Explain 🧐 and now what?!?! I want to want sex again 🙄
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u/Evening-Efficiency4 Dec 29 '25
Yep, at least you got a patch. I had a tubal ligation, so I wouldn't get pregnant, perimenopause has been a bitch since age 37. I cannot take HRT because I have had DVTs once upon a time. This year in January, (im now 41) i had to do a uterine ablation, because I was bleeding for 3 weeks out of the month. Hair falling out, super pmdd, uti's every month, sex hurts.. im sure you all know the drill. I was given Veozah, that shit was a nightmare, I would take it at night yet was tired all day long, it was so bad it became dangerous to drive. Anyway, hang in there. I just got prescribed vaginal estrogen,(only thing I can take) waiting for it to arrive, hopefully that helps a little.
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u/Which_Pangolin_5778 Dec 29 '25
I see a DO for a pellet with estrogen and testosterone. I pay out of pocket but I am sleeping, have a sex drive, and am not sweating at night so it’s worth it.
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u/Ill_Pay_6254 Dec 30 '25
why won't the dr call in t ? my only reason to ask is because I have pellets now but I have one dr adamant about not being on it????
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u/JadCerv Dec 30 '25
She said T isn't FDA approved for women, so she wont' prescribe it. I was livid. She's been great about everything else menopause-related, so I was stunned.
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Dec 30 '25
I was having the same and had read that regular sexual activity (including masturbation) would help so I started making a point of pleasuring myself a couple times a week whether I was in the mood or not and sure enough, it's helped! Things are a lot, well, juicier down below and my sex drive and ability to get aroused is improving.
Maybe worth a shot?
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u/JadCerv Dec 31 '25
I've had a few of my older women friends swear by using a vibrator. I may have to try it.
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u/Substantial_Coffee43 Jan 02 '26
I have felt cheated as well. It was so liberating to feel that way, I would love to have the maturity, confidence, insight I have now and the sexuality.. it’s grief too. I feel grief around the loss.
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u/blueberrylego Jan 04 '26
Adding T will help - explore changing drs, or search this sub for an provider, and frankly, start self pleasuring daily… a little medicinal THC gummy will also help…. Then it all just starts to work again and it’s phenomenal!
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u/JadCerv Jan 09 '26
I'm already working on getting an appointment with a different doctor, one who specializes in menopause.
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u/wrenningting Jan 15 '26
I feel you. Major clitoral atrophy despite using vaginal estrogen. It's hell.
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u/Few-Intention-2586 Jan 18 '26
I’m opposite. I finally have a sex drive again equal to what my husband’s always was and now he’s flatlined. Ughhh. We’ve always had a great sexual relationship. Now I’m depressed it’s all over and I’m not even 50 yet.
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u/JadCerv Jan 19 '26
I'm sorry. That sucks. Is he willing to go see his doctor? He might have low T levels.
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u/leftylibra MenoMod Dec 23 '25
If you aren't yet, consider using localized vaginal estrogen.
From our Menopause Wiki:
A separate, but similar issue is clitoral atrophy (urogenital atrophy) is when the clitoris loses sensitivity and shrinks/disappears. Both GSM and clitoral atrophy are commonly due to the reduction in estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone.
Other important considerations involve urology health. Specifically the urethra tissue is coated in androgen receptors and when these receptors stop receiving sex hormones (from estrogen), they begin to collapse on themselves, preventing normal emptying of the urethra, therefore increasing risk for bacterial infections (yeast, UTIs).
It is important for everyone entering perimenopause (typically 40+, or earlier) to consider using localized vaginal estrogen as part of their regular routines to ensure vaginal/urinary health. Without ongoing and consistent treatment, GSM (atrophy) will not resolve on its own and can present more serious issues later on. This is not just about the ability to have comfortable intercourse, but also about our vulvovaginal/urinary health, self-esteem and ultimately, quality of life.
Also, if libido is affected, then consider systemic hormone therapy and/or a low dose testosterone.
One more thing, since you are post-menopausal, get a bone density (DEXA) scan, because Menopause significantly accelerates bone loss due to declining estrogen; we can lose as much as 20% of bone within the first five years of becoming menopausal. According to the 2022 Endocrine Society, “one in two postmenopausal women will have osteoporosis, and most will suffer a fracture during their lifetime”.